A/N: Hello everyone, I am back with chapter nine of this story. Here, the events of "Irrational Treasure" are covered.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls
It started with the Pines family in the Stanmobile.
"Nacho earrings. I'm hilarious!" declared Mabel.
"How did you do that?" asked Pacifica.
"Very sticky cheese." answered Mabel.
"Amazing." said Gideon.
"That's debatable." replied Stan.
"I guess I shouldn't have said that." muttered Stan.
"It's fine." said Mabel.
"Come on, what's will all this traffic? And why is it all...covered wagons?" asked Stan.
Stan began freaking out.
"Oh no." said Ford horrified.
Stan tried to flee, but was caught in a circle of covered wagons.
"No!" cried Stan.
A cow walked to the window.
"I've got a good feeling about today." said Mabel.
"And I was right in the end." said Mabel proudly.
"Um kids, what exactly is going on?" asked Mr. Pines.
"It's Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded." explained Stan.
"That's it?" asked Mr. Pines.
"I think it's quaint." added Mrs. Pines.
"More like stupid." grumbled Stan.
"Every year I made sure to stay locked away in the house on this day." added Ford.
"You two share a dislike for this day." noted Shermie.
"Welcome to 1863!" declared Toby.
"I will break you little man!" cried Stan.
Toby ran away crashing into a barrel.
"Pioneer Day isn't that bad." said Wendy.
"Speak for yourself." muttered Pacifica.
Scenes of the festivities were shown.
"Is that man marrying a woodpecker?" asked Shermie.
"In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers." said Dipper.
"It's still legal. Very legal." said Woodpecker Guy.
"One more reason not to let the kids go back." said Mrs. Pines.
"Remember, if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me." warned Stan.
"There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!" cried Dipper, with a Southern twang.
"I can give you some dynamite to get them out!" offered McGucket.
"He's joking." said Dipper, to his worried parents.
"No, I ain't!" declared McGucket.
Mabel joined her brother and they ran off together.
"Dead to me!" cried Stan.
"You kids know I'd never actually do that to you." said Stan.
"Of course." said Dipper.
"You love us too much." added Mabel.
Ford could see guilt on his brother's face.
"Stanley, you're not him." stated Ford.
Blubs was introducing the ceremony while Durland rang his bell. A woman was robbed, but Durland rang his bell and Blubs didn't seem to care.
"We really need more cops." said Wendy.
"You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town founder Nathaniel Northwest." said Pacifica.
"Well that explains how they got so rich." mused Mr. Pines.
Pacifica hugged her knees and buried her head.
"Pacifica, you broke the chain." said Dipper.
"Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come on up and introduce yourself." said Pacifica.
"I'm surprised how into you were." admitted Dipper.
"It was a chance to show off." muttered Pacifica flatly.
Despite Dipper's concern, Mabel went up to the stage.
"Mabel." said Pacifica angrily.
"Guess it wasn't water under the bridge dude." said Soos.
Mabel declared it was time to get Pioneer Day started and led a USA chant which one man got really into.
"Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous." said Pacifica.
Pacifica insulted Mabel's sweater and Mabel said she could be serious.
"You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon." noted Pacifica.
An embarrassed Mabel left with Dipper behind her as the Northwest family took a photo.
"We're perfect." said Pacifica.
Modern Pacifica cringed at this.
"Perfect at being awful." grumbled Pacifica.
"You okay?" asked Dipper.
"I need some old-timey butterscotch." answered Mabel.
"Good job Mason." said Mrs. Pines.
Meanwhile, Stan was stuck and looked for help from the town mechanic, but he stayed in character.
"I'm getting dumber every second I'm here!" declared Stan.
"Indeed." agreed Ford.
Blubs and Durland arrived.
"What are you going to do? Throw me in "ye stocks"? asked Stan jokingly.
Stan was shown in the stockade.
"Hey Mr. Pines, that's exactly what they did!" declared Soos.
Stan grumbled to himself.
"That is a pillory not a stock." noted Ford.
"Nice outfit, Gideon. You look less girly than usual." laughed Stan.
Gideon responded by pelting Stan with tomatoes.
"Pioneer Day!" exclaimed Stan.
"That was a fun time." chuckled Gideon.
"Little weasel." spat Stan.
The Pines twins were seated before the statue of Nathaniel Northwest.
"Dipper, can I ask you something, do you think I'm silly?" asked Mabel self-conscious.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. People can get way to judgy." said Stan.
Mabel smiled.
"Honey, we're sorry if we ever made you feel that way." said Mr. Pines.
"It's okay. You never did." replied Mabel gratefully.
Mabel removed her nacho earrings and tied her sweater tying the latter around her waist.
"Mabel, you love that sweater!" exclaimed Dipper.
"I did before Pacifica ruined it before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!" declared Mabel.
Pacifica flinched at this.
"Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage?!" asked Dipper.
"Her parents told her that she can." said Dipper.
Dipper had recalled something he read in Journal 3.
"Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls!" revealed Dipper.
"Isn't that a surprise." said Gideon.
"Whatever." said Robbie.
"I believe this secret is embedded on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code." said Dipper.
"I was never able to solve that code and it always bugged me." noted Ford.
"Oh yeah, you guys mentioned that Trembly dude. He's related to this." remembered Wendy.
"Yeah. That's him!" declared Mabel.
"If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud." noted Dipper.
Pacifica winced knowing this was very true.
"This could be a major conspiracy!" exclaimed Dipper.
Mabel joined Dipper in investigating as she thought people couldn't call her silly if she did.
"Mystery Twins?" asked Dipper.
"I thought you hated that." said Mabel.
"I'm starting to accept it." revealed Dipper.
"That was a good nickname Soos." said Dipper.
"Yes!" cried Soos happily.
It was then revealed Blubs and Durland had been listening to the twins. It was revealed they were protecting the conspiracy and went to stop Dipper and Mabel.
"Those two were protecting this conspiracy." said Wendy surprised.
"I'm surprised it stayed hidden this long." added Stan.
It cut to the library where McGucket began eating a book.
"Oh Fiddleford." said Ford hurt.
Nearby, Dipper and Mabel were researching when Dipper had an idea.
"The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame." noted Dipper.
"Interesting." mused Mr. Pines.
"That's not what the triangle represented, is it?" asked Dipper.
"No." confirmed Ford solemnly.
"Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!" declared
Dipper reached for the candle to burn the parchment, but Mabel had turned it into a hat.
"I just did something silly again." said Mabel upset.
"You folded it into a map." said Dipper amazed.
"Incredible! I never would have thought of that!" exclaimed Ford.
"And I was going to burn it." said Dipper.
"Don't feel bad Dipper, I would have thought the same thing." said Ford.
Blubs an Durland arrived with Blubs asking the librarian if she seen kids reading.
"We're hunting them down for secret reasons!" declared Durland.
"That's not something you should say out loud." noted Mrs. Pines.
The twins decided to leave. Following the map led them to the Gravity Falls Museum of History.
"Imagine if we stumbled across the Society well we were here." laughed Mabel.
"We're going to have to break-in." said Dipper determined.
"Yeah!" cried Stan approvingly.
It cut to the twins heading inside where Sue them their passes and balloons.
"We in." said Dipper dramatically.
"Great work." said Robbie sarcastically.
"What are we going to do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's ribcage?" asked Mabel.
"Stanley, don't even think about it." warned Ford.
The map led the two to a triangular exhibition piece.
"He really was everywhere." muttered Dipper.
Dipper noted Blubs and Durland were likely not at the library to read.
"I don't think the one with the bell can read." said Mabel.
"Dude can read. Not well, but he can read." revealed Soos.
The twins studied the piece until a bored Mabel sat on a bench.
"Be less stupid!" demanded Mabel.
Mabel turned upside down and this worked. Dipper joined her revealing an imagine of a pointing angel.
"I think I've seen that statue in the cemetery." noted Mabel.
"Yeah. There's a statue just like that." noted Robbie, surprised.
The twins got up and immediately had a head rush. Blubs and Durland had arrived with Durland upset there were no more pink balloons.
"Why did we even come?" asked Durland sadly.
"I have to send him a pink balloon." decided Mabel.
Blubs was contacted by the dispatcher looking for an update.
"I promise, those kids will never get passed us." said Blubs.
A round of laughter followed as Dipper and Mabel ran past them.
"Hey!" cried Blubs.
Blubs and Durland got stuck in the door allowing Mabel and Dipper to escape. In town, Woodpecker Guy was arguing with his new bride.
"I told you marriage is terrible." said Stan.
Stan was outside using a bobby pin to try and pick the lock.
"Where did you get a bobby pin?" asked Mabel.
"I always carry one to pick locks." answered Stan.
"With your mouth?" asked Gideon surprised.
"It's gotten me out of jail multiple times." answered Stan.
Stan dopped the bobby pin which was picked up by Pacifica.
"What'd ya want, money?" asked Stan.
"I think that's the last thing she would need." noted Wendy.
"I want you to say the Northwest family is the best family in Gravity Falls." answered Pacifica.
"You want that in writing?" asked Stan.
Pacifica put a pen in Stan's mouth. He wrote something, but it was revealed to be "You Stink!" instead of what Pacifica wanted.
"I did that with my mouth!" cried Stan.
"Phrasing Stanley." groaned Ford.
Pacifica whistled and a group of people with tomatoes walked toward Stan.
"Can't say you didn't bring that on yourself." gloated Gideon.
"Worth it." shrugged Stan.
Dipper and Mabel had arrived at the cemetery and found the statue.
"The statue must be pointing to the next clue." said Dipper.
"Gross! She's picking my nose!" cried Mabel.
Mabel had the angel's finger in her nose.
"Mabel." said Mrs. Pines unhappy.
The statue's finger bent revealing a secret passage.
"Amazing." cooed Ford.
"Who's silly now Pacifica?" asked Mabel.
"You're the one with a statue's finger in your nose." noted Pacifica.
The two went down the passage as Mabel kept eating butterscotch.
"Look out for booby traps." said Dipper.
"Booby traps." laughed Mabel.
"Ha. That's funny." said Soos.
Mabel stepped on a plate firing off tranquilizer darts.
"Just like Hunters for the Missing Ark with Ohio Jones." mused Dipper.
"They made a sequel." said Ford happily.
"Several." revealed Mabel.
"We'll watch them next time we me." said Ford.
The two fell down a hole and discovered Trembly's cover. Mabel began looking at secret files.
"Ben Franklin secretly was a woman." said Mabel.
"I guess I owe you an apology." said Stan surprised.
Dipper found what he was looking for revealing Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, but was actually the town idiot.
"What a loser." scoffed Robbie.
Meanwhile, the others were reading the document.
"Santa Claus it the United States President." read Mr. Pines stunned.
Cool." said Wendy approvingly.
"Mount Rushmore is a giant robot." said Gideon.
"Like one of them anime robots!" cried McGucket.
"Yup." confirmed Soos.
"Everything we knew was a lie." said Mrs. Pines shaken.
"There's a time-devouring baby under the ice." said Shermie surprised.
"That must be Time Baby!" realized Mabel.
Dipper read the real town founder was Quentin Trembly III just as the police caught them.
"We gotcha!" cried Durland.
Durland collapsed revealing a number of darts had struck him.
"He was fine.' noted Mabel.
"As fine he could be." replied Stan.
Blubs began showing the kids a film reel.
"Black and white." said Mabel disappointed.
"There are a lot of great black and white films. Like Marrakesh which is all-time great." said Ford.
A Government official gave an introduction and was glad he wouldn't be shot as he didn't have clearance to know this information.
"Well, that's good." muttered Ford.
It was revealed Trembly was the Eight-and-a-half President who won in a literal landslide and became America's silliest president.
"The only thing we have to fear is gigantic man-eating spiders!" declared Trembly.
"Amen to that." muttered Stan.
"He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls after plummeting into it at high speed." revealed the presenter.
Trembly was shown riding backwards on a horse as he fell off a cliff.
"Incredible." said Ford amazed.
"Gotta admit, riding a horse backwards off a cliff takes some kinda talent." said Wendy.
"The whereabouts of President Trembly's body are unknown." concluded the presenter.
"Until now." revealed Blubs.
Trembly was shown encased in a substance.
"Is that, like, amber or something?" asked Dipper.
"Fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle." answered Blubs.
"There's no way that could work." said Mr. Pines.
"Right now, I don't know anymore." noted Shermie.
"It's also delicious." stated Soos.
"Finding Trembly's body was our special mission. And now, thanks to you, it's complete." said Blubs.
"Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers." added Durland.
Mabel couldn't help but wince.
"Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talkin' about it." noted Blubs.
"I don't like this." said Mrs. Pines nervously.
"We're just going to escort you and all this stuff to Washington. You ain't coming back by the way." revealed Blubs.
"Not cool." said Wendy.
"I should have been there to help you." said Stan guilty.
"We were tough enough to get out of it." replied Dipper.
Blubs and Durland were on a train to Washington excited about ghost stories and friendship bracelets.
"Reminds me of my sleepovers when I was younger." said Mrs. Pines surprised.
Dipper and Mabel were trapped in a crate with the body of President Trembly.
"I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged. I'm just a silly failure." said Mabel sadly.
"Maybe being silly isn't a bad thing." said Pacifica.
Mabel broke off a piece of peanut brittle freeing President Trembly.
"It is I, Quentin Trembly!" declared the former President, who ripped his pants off.
"Of course it worked!" cried Mrs. Pines exasperated.
"I need to research this." decided Ford.
Both Dipper and Trembly praised Mabel's silliness for finding and freeing the former President.
"Mabel, I tried for years in vain to solve this because I took it seriously. Your silliness was the key." said Ford proudly.
Trembly realized they were in a crate-shaped box which Mabel noted was a crate.
"Good thing I have the president's key which can open any lock in America!" declared Trembly.
"I feel like that would be a big security concern." noted Shermie.
"I gotta get my hands on that key." muttered Stan.
Trembly repeatedly slammed the key into the side of the crate to no avail.
"This is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived." said Trembly.
"I think i know who can help you." said Dipper.
Mabel thought for a moment and noticed a small hole.
"We will leap through it!" declared Trembly.
Trembly and Mabel tried jumping through the hole with Trembly sticking his finger out of it.
"Do they really think that will work?" asked Robbie scoffing.
A woodpecker began pecking at the side of the crate.
"Is that my third wife?" asked Trembly.
"He married a woodpecker too?" asked Gideon, weirded out.
"He made it legal to marry woodpeckers!" exclaimed Mabel.
The crate fell apart thanks to the woodpecker. Trembly wanted to rebuild the crate and escape through the hole, but the kids led him away. Unfortunately, they ran into Durland.
"Blubs!" cried Durland.
Dipper, Mabel, and Trembly ran in the opposite direction. They had to go onto the roof of the train with Blubs and Durland in pursuit.
"I do not like my kids running on top of a moving train." said Mrs. Pines anxiously.
The trio were corned as Blubs needed a moment to catch his breath.
"Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" asked Edwin, worried.
"Edwin Durland, you are a diamond in the rough." said Blubs.
"Aww." cooed Mabel.
Blubs stated their orders came directly from the top. This gave Dipper an idea and he asked if Trembly had officially resigned.
"No sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window." answered Trembly.
This led to a round of laughs.
"You're still legally the President of the United States!" declared Dipper.
"Unfortunately, he was removed from Office so he isn't the President." noted Ford.
Maybe, but those two didn't know that." said Dipper smiling.
"I hereby order you to pretend none of this never happened. And-and go on a delightful vacation." ordered Trembly.
Trembly was hit in the head by a metal rial.
"Oh." said Wendy wincing.
Blubs and Durland knew exactly where they wanted to go.
"Silly Water Fun Slides in Grand Lakes, Michigan!" cried the two.
The two police officers left for Michigan while the Pines and Trembly waved goodbye.
"Didn't they have to answer to someone? Wouldn't they get in trouble for abandoning their mission?" asked Gideon.
"They never did get in trouble." noted Soos.
"Maybe it's due to that gun Sixer used on those government agents." proposed Stan.
"Gun!" cried Mrs. Pines.
"It wasn't a regular gun." noted Dipper.
Trembly thanked Mabel.
"I'm making you an official US Congressman!" declared Trembly.
"Members of Congress are elected not appointed." noted Ford.
"So, it doesn't mean anything?" asked Mabel.
"Afraid not." answered Ford.
"You'll always be our Congressman, pumpkin." said Stan.
"I'm legalizing everything!" exclaimed Mabel.
"Honey, that might not be the best idea." noted Mr. Pines.
"Yeah, I guess somethings should be illegal." agreed Mabel embarrassed.
"Hey, I'd vote for that platform." stated Stan.
Dipper was gifted the President's key.
"Oh yeah, I kind of forgot about that." said Dipper.
The trio returned to Gravity Falls.
"And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk." said Trembly.
"You've got to tell us that story." said Wendy.
Mabel told Pacifica how she uncovered a government conspiracy.
"Who is that idiot?" asked Pacifica.
Trembly was trying to fight a bald eagle. Mabel began explaining what happened.
"You really are a dumb, sad little girl." said Pacifica.
The Northwest parents joined their daughter in mocking laughter.
"Good one." said Mr. Northwest.
Pacifica winced with guilt.
"I've got nothing to prove. I learned being silly is awesome." said Mabel.
"Good for you sweetie." aid Mrs. Pines.
Dipper ran over to the Northwest's car and threw the documents containing the conspiracy through the window.
"Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it." said Dipper.
"Yeah!" cried stan proudly.
"I was a jerk." mused Dipper.
"No, I was a jerk. You were right about Nathaniel Northwest and my family." replied Pacifica.
"I am happy you stood up for your sister." said Mr. Pines.
"Mom!' cried Pacifica as they drove off.
"That must have been quite the scandal." mused Mrs. Pines.
"Pacifica's parents used their money to bury it." said Wendy annoyed.
"Revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!" said Dipper.
"Darn right." agreed Stan.
Trembly said goodbye to the twins and presented them with a gift.
"The negative twelve-dollar bill." said Trembly.
Dipper noticed something.
"On the right...it's him." said Dipper uneasy.
"I am afraid that isn't a surprise." sighed Ford.
Trembly left riding backwards on a horse. The twins visited Stan and Dipper freed him with the President's key.
"I've got to use that more." muttered Dipper.
"You're never going to make sense. Are you kid?" asked Stan.
"No, I'm not, Grunkle Stan. No, I'm not." answered Mabel.
"Never change pumpkin." said Stan.
"I won't." promised Mabel.
"I'm still trying to process everything I just saw." noted Mr. Pines.
"It's a lot, but at this point, we're all used to it." noted Wendy.
"Our history teacher would freak if he knew this." laughed Robbie.
"Yeah. Totally." agreed Wendy.
"I still can't believe Santa is our President." confessed Gideon.
"I knew voting for him for President was a good move!" declared Soos happily.
"How are you Pacifica?" asked Dipper.
"Glad I'm not that person anymore." answered Pacifica.
"So am I." replied Dipper.
Diper and Pacifica blushed as Mabel grinned.
"Let us continue." said Axolotl.
A/N: That's where we'll end things for now. Fittingly I started this chapter on the eve of the 2024 US Presidential election. The movie Marrakesh is Casablanca which is a must-see movie. I might take a break so if there's no update in March 2025 that is why. Next time, the events of "Time Traveler's Pig" are covered. Please review.