hi, sorry, this has been ready but i totally crashed out after finishing my research project. i needed time away from my dreadful computer
enjoy xoxo
disclaimer: I own nothing
"Are you comfortable?" Jess asks, a teasing tone in his voice as he looks over Rory's outstretched body across their row of seats on the plane. She lies on her side with her head resting on a small pillow, the side of her pregnant stomach pressed against the (luckily) empty middle seat; and her legs and feet, they sit slightly curled in Jess's lap. The heels of her sneakers pushing into his stomach. They've been on the plane for over five hours already, and she has changed positions double that amount. The TV show she had been watching stays paused on the screen in front of her, after taking a (fifth) bathroom break and needing a few minutes to get cozy again.
She turns her head, and they switch roles for a second as she smirks smugly at him.
"I am, thank you for asking. Are you?"
He chuckles while one of his hands moves to rest on the side of her belly, and the other lifts her sock covered ankle to his lips for a soft kiss.
"I can't complain," he smiles over her and tilts his head towards her screen, "how's RuPaul's drag race?"
"Good! You know there are so many queens from New York. We should try and see a show sometime!"
"Sure," he nods, "you, me, and our newborn."
She laughs, "drag is for the whole family."
"No argument there," he replies with a cute smile. Her laughing grin softens, as the pilot announces that they're approximately an hour to landing in California. She thinks about what that means for Jess, and she meets his eyes with emanating love as she asks,
"Are you okay?"
His smile doesn't falter, and he nods.
"I'm good. This trip is for us. It's not just about meeting him."
But she knows that this trip really does hold two meanings. The first, a getaway for the two of them before becoming parents. He had surprised her a couple of weeks prior, notably a few days after she had a meltdown during her twentieth week of pregnancy. She was upset with her job, who had told her that they won't be able to hold her position for as long as she wants to take a leave of absence for. Which she realizes is objectively fair, but it did hurt. On top of that, she had been struggling to find the motivation and inspiration to work on her book between work and growing a child, and it had her stressed that she would never finish it. She had a breakdown once she got home and found that instead of the mac and cheese she was looking forward to for dinner, Jess made spaghetti and meatballs instead, and she had been having horrible acid reflux that day already. After irrepressible tears and indecipherable sobs, Jess ran out and came home with macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and a tub of plain vanilla ice cream. After eating, she finally could express to him this turmoil - about her being halfway through pregnancy already, not having the guarantee of her position at the end of the time off she wants to take, and also at the time off being a waste because of feeling uninspired.
His, hopeful, remedy to this was to take her on a babymoon, to California. Where he would show her Venice Beach, laze around the hotel pool, take her out to dinners, and, oh yeah, finally have her meet his absent father and the biological grandfather to their baby. She remembers when he pitched it to her, a morning over breakfast. She was already happy, because she always is right now when she's eating, and he made it even better.
"Since we're a little mad at your job right now, can you take off from Valentine's day through the end of the week?" he had asked, after putting more cut up slices of banana in her second bowl of cereal.
"Valentine's day? Isn't that…this Wednesday?"
"Yep."
"What for?"
He shrugged, in that nonchalant way that he does, as he explained,
"For a babymoon."
She swallowed hard on her spoonful of honey nut cheerios, "a babymoon?"
"Yes. It's a thing couples do. Go on a trip together before the baby comes."
"I know what it is. I didn't think you did."
His ravishing smirk appeared, "happy to surprise you. It's one of my favorite things to do."
And then he told her what he had planned, and it lifted her already good mood even more. It sounded like exactly what she needed, the part about going away and just being out of the monotony of her everyday spaces for a while on an intimate trip with the love of her life. The part about his father confounded her a little, she felt a sort of trepid excitement at the prospect. She tried not to but couldn't hold her tongue from asking him why.
"What made you decide to do this now?"
She expected him to brush it off, or to not have a real explanation but rather just that he was going because of a weird, unnecessary feeling of obligation.
Instead, he looked her in the eye and asked,
"How long did it take for Christopher to call you since you've been pregnant?"
She frowned slightly, "you know he called me in January."
"Right. You were eighteen weeks pregnant. And he was just finding out because he couldn't be bothered to call, not even on Christmas."
She stared at him, unsure of the meaning of his words. He nodded a couple of times and then stated,
"That's why. Because Jimmy has called, and he has known about the baby since week twelve, because he actually calls, and seems to care. And he always asks about you, asks about us," Jess seemed almost soft towards his father in this moment, a feeling that she had never encountered in conversations about him before.
"He may have done a lot wrong by me," he continued to explain, "but he's doing good by us. I think he deserves a chance, if that's what he wants, to be a grandparent."
Even though he seemed confident and solid in his decision, and she nearly cried at his sentiment, she understands that the tensions will still be there between him and Jimmy. And she's been checking on him here and there to make sure he's still okay with their plans to spend time with him. He hasn't backed down yet.
"I know," she replies to his comment about the trip, "I'm just checking."
He nods and squeezes her calf in his lap.
"You're wearing the compression socks, right?"
She sighs, "yes, super protective Jess. I've got my compression socks on."
"Just checking," he winks, as he repeats his words back to her. She gives him a look but laughs. She pulls her legs from his lap and shifts to a seated position.
"You didn't have to do that," he mumbles, with a face that shows her he is mourning the loss of her body on his. She rubs her bump.
"Sorry, your baby is fluttering around a lot. I think it's not used to me being this still during the day. I'm usually walking around the office and stuff."
He looks down to where her hand is but doesn't see any visible evidence of movement.
"You'll see it soon," she says softly with a kind smile, catching his look, "and feel it too. They say between 21 and 24 weeks. We're right in the middle of that."
He nods slowly in acceptance and admits, "I'm…really looking forward to it."
Her heart thumps, and she leans over to give him a sweet kiss. He catches her face in his hands and kisses her again.
"Do you want to get up and walk around?"
She shakes her head, "I don't want to be in people's way."
He shakes his head back at her and unbuckles his seatbelt. He stands up in the aisle and holds a hand out to her.
"Be in people's way. You're almost six months pregnant, and you can do whatever the fuck you want."
She doesn't get up yet. He reaches his hand closer to her.
"Come on. I'm sure if you ask your mom, it's in the bible somewhere that pregnant Lorelais get to do whatever they want. Or maybe part of Lorelai law, I don't know how she arranges her demands and guidelines."
That has her laughing, and finally she stands up and takes his hand, and he walks with her up and down the aisle until the seatbelt light is turned on again.
Over an hour later, they wait for their suitcases in baggage claim. Jess stands with his carryon on his back and Rory's in one hand, the other holding onto hers while they wait for their bags to come around. He's always touchy with her, even more so since she became pregnant, but with certain company looming ahead of them, she thinks today it's both because he wants to touch her and because he needs to.
She reaches her other hand over to rub up and down his arm in a supportive and calming motion. Her eyes are locked on his profile, she's happy to see the bit of tension (that he was attempting to hide) drop from around his eyes and mouth. He blinks and turns to look at her, his face completely absent of any harshness. He adjusts the bag on his back so he can lean his head close enough to kiss hers. She smiles and turns to rest her head against his shoulder.
"Oh, I see our bags," she states, pointing them out on the belt. He nods.
"I know. I saw them go around already," he replies slowly, and pauses before adding, "Jimmy is here already. Waiting outside somewhere to pick us up."
She nods in understanding and kisses his shoulder, "okay. He can wait."
"I should have rented a car or told him we would uber everywhere or something."
"It's nice that he wants to chauffeur us. And you know, I can sit in the front with him. I'll just say I'm constantly on the brink of throwing up."
He chuckles and kisses the side of her head before putting her carryon on the floor and stepping away.
"We can both sit in the back."
She watches as he lifts each of their suitcases off the belt and laughs at the disparity in size - his being something small and reasonable, and hers being the biggest suitcase she owns. Because her body feels like it's constantly changing, and she has no idea from day to day what is going to feel comfortable or not - so she packed as much as she could fit in it.
She bends to the side to pick up her carryon but is stopped by his hand gently grasping her wrist.
"Nope. I got it."
She looks back at him, with his backpack on his back and wheeling a suitcase in each hand.
"Do we have to have this argument every time we travel? I can wheel my suitcase."
"So can I," he responds easily, lifting up her other bag over his arm.
"You're going to fall over!"
"I've got great core strength and big, strong arms, as you know," he winks at her and tilts his head towards the sunny outdoors, "come on. I'm ready to do this."
She gives up her fight and nods, walking next to him towards the automatic doors that will lead to her meeting the man that exists in such a gray area of Jess's life, and she feels a little bit nervous about how to interact with him.
She feels them both take a breath of fresh air, as they are greeted by a sunny warmth they haven't felt in months at home in New York. And even though there is still an ominous feeling surrounding them, they share a tranquil smile at the much needed change of scenery. While she has only been between work and home, she at least gets to explore a little bit every now and then when she's doing a local story. Jess, on the other hand, has really only been either at Truncheon or home, aside from picking up food or groceries here and there, since September. He put the finishing touches on the daycare/nursery over the last month. He decided to erect a small office in the corner of the room, so that if Rory ever wants to get out of the apartment to write but still be near their baby, she can easily do that. And for himself too, because he already has a feeling that he's going to struggle with detaching himself from both Rory and their child's side for a long time. This trip, with its bit of weirdness, is still something they both needed.
Rory sees his eyes lock on something ahead, and she follows them. She's seen pictures of him before, but she is still hit hard by the resemblance between him and Jess. His dark hair, though peppered with silvers and grays, is the same; his seamlessly tan skin is a similar tone, and his sharp features make it very obvious that this is his biological father indeed. If she knew that hearing that wouldn't piss him off, she would let the demanding thought out. Instead, she turns her head slightly towards Jess, as they approach, and says,
"He has a jeep."
Which she finds out maybe wasn't the right thing to say either, as his response is whip fast,
"Does a man that ran away from his newborn son strike you as the kind of person that cares about car safety?"
She flinches, "sorry, Jess. I wasn't thinking."
He shakes his head and gives her an apologetic look, "it's not you."
She turns back and sees Jimmy walking swiftly to meet them, his face somehow kind despite being void of a smile. And now she is reminded of Luke, who has a similar disposition around people he cares about. And even though it doesn't write over his negligence, the inexcusable disappearing on the man to the right of her that deserved so much better, it makes Jimmy feel like less of a scary monster that she needs to fight off.
"Here," is the first word he speaks to them as he holds a hand out to Jess, "let me take some of that from you."
To her surprise, Jess doesn't argue. He pushes forward both suitcases to him, then immediately finds Rory's hand to hold tightly in his. Jimmy looks between them with a small, humble smile. Jess swallows and holds his other hand in the air between them.
"Rory, this is Jimmy. And Jimmy, this is Rory," he pauses and adds on in a way that smooths some of the awkwardness, "and our baby."
Jimmy's smile grows ever so slightly, and he holds a nervous hand out to her. She drops Jess's hand momentarily to take it and returns his friendly shake.
"It's really nice to finally meet you, Rory," his words are undeniably earnest, and she returns his warm smile.
"It's nice to meet you too," she smirks a little as she says, "I hope I won't have to 'publicly flog' you, as you described it before, on this trip."
A deep belly laugh escapes him, and she notices Jess laughs too, as they think about the birthday phone call she made just a few years ago.
"I hope so too," he nods, and turns to Jess. He reaches out and pats him on the shoulder, "it's really good to see you too."
Jess nods once, and half-heartedly says, "thanks for chauffeuring us."
"Sure," Jimmy nods in a similar manner, and turns towards the jeep, "let's go ahead and get out of here. LAX is serious about those parking time limits."
They follow him to the car, where he takes everything and packs it into the trunk of his topless wrangler.
"It's a nice day, so I took the top off the car. Hope you guys don't mind."
Rory shrugs, "isn't it always a nice day in California?"
Jimmy smiles, "mostly. I've got sunscreen in the glove box if you need it."
"I think we're good," she replies, looking at Jess briefly.
"Alright, well if you need it," he steps around and opens the back door for them, "Jess, you might want to -"
"Yeah, I got her," Jess doesn't let him finish his sentence, words marked with an undertone of annoyance at the implication that he wasn't going to help his pregnant fiancée into the lifted vehicle. Rory doesn't say anything but lets him give her a boost as she climbs into the jeep.
"This looks like my mom's but much newer. She keeps replacing her engine."
"And she's probably paid the cost of a brand new jeep doing that at this point," Jess teases, as he gets in next to her. He wraps an arm around her shoulders after they buckle their seatbelts.
"I know a couple people that are that attached to their wranglers too. Something about them," Jimmy replies as he gets in the driver's seat. He turns to address them.
"I figured it will be a couple hours still until you can check in to your hotel. So, I thought I'd take you to lunch?"
Rory's hand jumps to her stomach as she feels movement and she laughs.
"We like the sound of that."
"Great, you like Mexican food? I'd love to take you to this killer taco joint near me."
Jess's eyes, that were trained on Rory's belly only a moment prior as he looked for a sign of what she was feeling, shoot to Jimmy.
"She can't have Mexican. Acid reflux."
His tone is laced with unnecessary aggravation, Rory thinks, as though Jimmy was somehow supposed to know that detail. She finds his hand to hold.
"I'm sure I could get a plain quesadilla there or something. It's okay."
"No, no. There are plenty of places to eat. Just tell me what you two are in the mood for," he nods towards her belly with a small smile. She looks at Jess and then back at Jimmy.
"Well, I've been really craving a burger and fries."
"Oh well, that's easy," he turns around and starts the car, "in-n-out it is."
The drive is peaceful, mostly because the sound of the wind is too loud to talk over, as Jimmy drives them down a highway towards their destination. Jess keeps his arm wrapped around her shoulders the whole time, and with the sun on her face, her hair blowing around, and her head resting on his shoulder, she starts to doze. But she's fully awake once they pull in and the smell of food hits her nostrils.
"I'm so hungry," she mumbles to Jess as they get out of the car.
"I'm sorry," he takes her hand and squeezes it, following behind Jimmy to the fast food restaurant, "the breakfast sandwich, entire bag of goldfish, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and full size kit kat bar wasn't enough? Oh, and you had a gallon size zip lock bag of grapes too, right?"
She pouts and rubs her stomach.
"Are you making fun of me?"
"Nope," he answers quickly, "just want to plan ahead for the flight home. Make sure I have enough food packed so you're not starving when we land."
"It sounds like you're making fun of me. It's not my fault your baby is like a tape worm!"
He laughs loudly, holding the door open for her, "if our baby gets its appetite from anyone, it's you. You can't argue that."
"Why don't you guys tell me what you want? I'll order for us, and you grab a seat," Jimmy suggests as they approach a line at the counter. Rory looks at the menu with excitement,
"Oh, double cheeseburger sounds perfect! I'll have two of them, with fries, and also a strawberry milkshake please."
"Jeez, you are hungry," Jimmy jokes with a grin, but Jess doesn't find it funny.
"Of course she is, she has to eat for two."
Rory squeezes his hand, trying to communicate that it's all good. She looks at Jimmy a little bashfully.
"It's more like I'm eating for four. I already have always eaten for two so," she shrugs.
"I wasn't trying to offend," he insists with a contrite look; she waves him off and nudges Jess.
"Do you know what you want?"
He runs hand through his hair and responds without looking at Jimmy, "Just one burger and fries for me."
"Can you get a chocolate milkshake so I can try it?" she asks with an innocent smile, and it manages to make him laugh.
"Okay. A chocolate milkshake too. Oh, and our burgers need to be cooked well-done."
Jimmy nods a couple of times and turns to stand in line.
They find a table in a corner, and take a seat next to each other, facing the room. Jess turns to her and meets her eyes, a plain look on his face.
"What do you think?"
She hesitates before answering.
"He's nice," she shrugs a shoulder, "are you okay, Jess?"
He fidgets slightly, eyes shifting around the room before meeting hers again. She can't quite discern the look in his eyes, but it seems to be along the lines of guilt.
"I don't mean to be a jerk," he proclaims, and he looks almost like he's in pain, "But I know I am."
She holds his eye contact steadily, placing a hand over his in his lap, and insists, "You're not a jerk."
He looks back at her. He swallows and turns away with a shrug, clearly in disagreement. They sit in silence, while she thinks of what she can say to him right now. She gets how he's feeling, the battling emotions and the frustration at not having any control over them. It reminds her of conversations she's had with him in the past, and she figures it out.
"You know," she starts softly, eyes locked on the side of his face, "you said something to me a long time ago, when I was first dealing with that aftermath of me and Logan, that helped me give myself grace. And I think it would be helpful for you to hear it now."
He looks at her.
"Jess, it's a complex situation, you and Jimmy. Feelings are going to be complex too."
Her shoulders drop in time with his, as she watches some of the storm leave him. His face conveys his appreciation to her, and he sits back in his chair just as the man himself steps up with their food.
"Thank you so much," Rory gushes as she grabs her food and immediately starts to dig in. The two men look at each other and surprisingly share a muted laugh.
"This is so good. I've had it a couple times before, when I was campaigning with Obama, and we went to California. But it definitely did not taste this good."
"I think your state of hunger is affecting the flavor," Jess teases, knocking his knee into hers under the table. She shoots him a look before taking his chocolate milkshake for herself.
"You campaigned with Obama?" Jimmy asks between bites of food, "he seems like a cool dude."
"Oh, he is so cool! Treats everyone so well. He's funny, but really big on dad jokes. Those got old after a while," she swallows the fries in her mouth and Jess sees her hold a hand to her chest.
"You okay?" he asks, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nods and sips the chocolate milkshake.
"I'm okay. Just a little too much ketchup on them I think. Made my chest feel funny."
"You can have that whole milkshake if you want. It will probably help."
"Thanks, but even I can't drink two whole milkshakes."
"That's surprising."
His eyebrow is raised with his smirk; she bumps his arm before turning back to her food. They all eat quietly before Jimmy speaks again,
"You know, I've heard that acid reflux means the baby is going to have a full head of hair when it's born."
Rory's lips lift, "I've heard that too."
"I remember, actually, Liz having bad heartburn when she was pregnant," he remarks with a thoughtful look, "And Jess did come out with a full head of hair. Same exact color as it is now."
She looks to him then, and sees his face fall. But he keeps his attention on his food as he mumbles,
"Could have all fallen out the next day for all you know."
She shrinks back from the two, nervous of where this will go. But, to both of their surprise, Jimmy takes it in stride.
"You're right. It could have," he concedes with a short shrug and a rueful look, "I hope not though. It was some beautiful hair."
Rory watches as Jess's eyes shift from his food and up to Jimmy; everyone relaxes a little as a tamed version of his signature smirk graces his features.
"You sound jealous. Is that what sent you running? Knowing you'd have to raise a son with better hair than you?"
Jimmy regards Jess, and replies candidly, "I don't know, is that better or worse than running because I was immature and scared?"
The two men observe each other for a moment, Rory watching with bated breath to see if an explosion is imminent. But she calms as Jess's smirk increases in size.
"Much more forgivable," he shrugs, "I've seen a baby picture or two. I looked like a little Danny Zuko, I get the envy."
Both Rory and Jimmy take a much needed breath; then, they all laugh and let the mood rest in a playful place for the rest of the meal.
Rory stands fingering through vinyl in a store on the boardwalk. They still had a little time to kill, and Jess suggested showing her around a few shops he liked when he lived there. She's been lost in the various bins of records for an indistinguishable amount of time. Because whenever she's at a record store, she always has the latent hope that she will finally find that signed Go-go's record for her mom. As she scrutinizes a Joan Jett record she doesn't recognize, she feels hands on her hips and jumps.
"Sorry, just me," Jess murmurs with an apologetic look, "I should announce myself before I put my hands on you in public, huh?"
"Please," she asks genuinely, turning in his arms to face him, "do you know the number one killer of pregnant women is murder?"
His eyes widen, "that's a horrible fact."
"Yes. It is. And we're away from home too. So, announce yourself?"
"Will do," he kisses her head, "you doing okay? You've been on your feet for a while."
"Really?" she asks, looking around for a clock.
"Yes, we've been just in this store for an hour. I've already checked out."
"Oops but yes I'm okay," she looks down at the bag in his hand, "what did you find?"
The grin on his face is peculiar, as he opens the bag and pulls the item out. She smiles wide at the "London Calling" baby onesie he holds with both hands; his fingers looking extra-large against the tiny shoulders.
"That's so cute! I love it."
He matches her smile, "I thought so."
She bites her lips as he puts it back in the bag, and his eyebrow lifts as he looks back at her.
"What?"
She releases her lip and gives him a little smile.
"I can't wait to see our little baby in your hands."
His whole face lifts, he leans forward and kisses her briefly.
"I just can't wait to meet him or her."
"Hey," Jimmy cautiously interrupts, "you guys ready to go?"
Rory looks behind her at the records wistfully, "I suppose so."
"Is there something in particular you're looking for?"
"She's looking for a Go-go's record. Signed by Belinda. She bought one years ago for her mom and left it on a bus and has been wracked with guilt since," Jess explains with a soft, teasing smile.
She crosses her arms over her chest and sighs, "he's right."
"Oh, well I'll stop and talk to Mark on our way out. He owns the place. He's stellar at hunting stuff down, and I'll bet he can get it for you before you leave this week."
"Really? I've been looking for years. I have found some things online, but they cost like three hundred or more."
"Oh yeah, he'll get you a good price too," Jimmy assures her, leading them towards the exit, and he shouts to a man behind the counter, "hey Mark. Think you can track down a Go-go's record signed by Belinda before the end of the week? For a reasonable price."
"Any album in particular?"
Jimmy looks to Rory, and she shakes her head, "I'd take any as long as I don't have to give up my firstborn," she jokes as she rubs her bump.
The man gives her a look, "no, that's easy. I'll call Jimmy when I've got it in."
"Really? Thank you so much!"
The man just nods, and Jimmy leads them out of the store.
"Thank you, Jimmy," she enthuses with an excited smile, "that really means a lot."
"It's nothing," he waves his hand, and they walk down the boardwalk back towards the street he parked on, "so, what do you two have planned this week? Something special for Valentine's day tonight I'm sure."
Jess and Rory share a quick, heated look.
"Relaxing mostly," Jess replies, pulling Rory's body closer to his as they step up to the car.
"And eating. I'm hoping to spend most days at the pool or the beach. I've missed the sun! It's always gone when I get done work for the day."
Jess opens the jeep door for her, and once again boosts her inside; this time he gives her a private, stifled, smack on her bottom as she climbs in. He meets her indignant look with a flirty smirk as he takes the seat next to her.
"We're supposed to have weather like this all week, so you'll have plenty of sun," Jimmy replies, from the front seat. He drives slowly through the beach town, the ride much quieter than on the way there. Jimmy looks at them in the rearview mirror at a red light, and then states in a way that shows he understands how vulnerable a request it is,
"I would really love if you guys came over for dinner one day this week. To the house. I know Sasha's away, but I can cook. I am Italian, you know."
Rory and Jess silently communicate their feelings before he responds, "sure. We can come over to dinner one night. Maybe a day that we go to the beach, and we can just come straight from."
"Great! That would be great," Jimmy responds with barely subdued excitement, "if you want, I can pick you up before work one day and bring you to the house first. We have plenty of beach stuff you can use, including a raised beach chair with a foot rest that would probably be comfortable for you, Rory."
She looks to Jess again just to make sure it's not too much, and he gives her an easy nod.
"Okay, that sounds great. Let's do that on…Friday? It looks like it will be warmest that day."
"Friday it is."
After dinner at an Italian restaurant near their hotel, where Rory got her pasta served from a wheel of cheese and three desserts, they spent the last hour of their evening relaxing in the room. Decompressing from their travels, and the somewhat tense first day with Jimmy. Though she was admittedly too full from dinner to want to do anything sexual, the night was still romantic as it consisted of plenty of sweet kisses and exchanging small Valentine's gifts. For Jess - a new (but vintage) Metallica shirt, because she totally commandeered his old one. And for her, he gifted a cozy sleep mask so she can nap more comfortably during the day or sleep in later if she wants to. They watched some old black and white movie on the TCM channel from bed until the jet lag hit them.
Now Jess lies knocked out next to her, a travel size white noise machine on blast on the nightstand because the city sounds here are not loud enough to help him sleep. But, though she's exhausted too, she lies awake - partly because of the baby's ceaseless movements, and partly because of her own ceaseless thoughts. About the day - how kind Jimmy was to her, and how hard she can tell both he and Jess are trying. They're both doing their best to mitigate their newish relationship, and she sees that somewhat uncomfortable resilience as a possible shared trait between them. It's a delicate, and complex as she said to him earlier, situation. But the ability to be open to it at all is something she finds so beautiful about her man. She thinks he probably seems set in his ways, and his thoughts, to people that don't know him well. He is stern in his beliefs, but he evolves. To her, he seems almost chameleon-like in his ability to make space for changes in life. In some ways literal space, like how he turned the whole second floor of his work building into a place where he can continue to raise their kids even when he has to be at his job. And in other ways more intimate and figurative, like redirecting time and energy towards comforting her at the rough start of her pregnancy or planning a babymoon for them in response to her frustrations with work and writing.
This thought coaxes her gently out of bed. One of the reasons he brought her here was for a change of routine and landscape to inspire her and get her back into a creative space mentally. And it's working all ready, because the place he's taken her - California - has been this tiny thorn in her heart; a location that has called not one, but two men in her life from her. But it's not about Jess anymore. He's alleviated the weight of that disappointment a hundred times over. No, the man that she has been painstakingly (not because she misses him, but because she can see how clearly he hurt her over the years) trying to recount her past with in her book. It's the honest reason she has felt uninspired; she's almost annoyed that he played such a large role in her life, that she has to commit chapters to him because parts of her story don't make sense without that context. And that's what she keeps trying to tell herself above all: it's her story no matter what. It's powerful for her to write it out, and she gets to tell it all from her perspective. So, she pulls out her laptop and parks herself at the desk in the room to type away about the second man, the one that more literally chose California over her (she knows that Jess would have gone anywhere that he could survive. It just happened to be where his father lived). No, Logan made a conscious choice of leaving their relationship for whatever California was promising him then.
Yes, they had good times as she recalls it. It is not all tainted. He supported her choices when she wanted him to, whether they were good choices or not. He made sure she had fun (sometimes too much), but in a way, he helped her become a lot more of a social butterfly than she was in high school. It's still uncomfortable to her to recognize things like that; the arguments build in her chest, trying to remind her of the hurtful things he's done as if she could forget. They sit pressed between her heart and lungs, making her feel almost nauseous as she explores the brighter parts of their history.
He stuck by her through stressful times, like the second time Richard had a heart attack. And she did the same for him, like when he was hospitalized and hurt after jumping off that cliff. They took care of each other when it really came down to it. But one thing about him that she knows for sure - he does not quite have that accommodating, resilient quality that she admires about Jess. Perhaps when she tried to break things off with him and he decided to be her boyfriend; maybe that was the one time he adapted of his own accord to meet her needs, and that was arguably entirely selfish.
His ultimatum was equally selfish, whether she said yes or no. Yes meant giving up her dreams. And saying no, as he had decided, meant ending everything. He was not prepared to give up his Californian dreams for her. He wasn't prepared for any type of compromise. And in the later years, even though he hinted at it as a possibility, she knows he was bluffing - he would not have given up the dynastic plan to be with her if that's what she had wanted. He would not compromise on living the kind of life he wanted to live.
Typing out that truth settles the pressure in her chest and her stomach. It doesn't make her angry or hateful or anything negative at all. She finds herself smiling, a bubbling feeling of gratitude and relief replacing the unpleasant feelings. Because she realizes, for perhaps the first time ever, that she's incredibly thankful for Logan being true to himself. His selfishness actually proved to be in her best interest after all. She takes her hands from the keyboard then to rest on her stomach. She smiles wider as she remembers when she sat down again for the first time to continue writing the book over the summer - when she got her period instead of a positive pregnancy test. She takes a second to appreciate the world of difference between then and now.
"You can't sleep?"
The rumbling voice behind her doesn't even make her jump; she smiles wider and turns around, her body partially lit up by her computer screen in the dark room. She hears him yawn and then sees movement on the bed. In a moment he's right next to her, leaning on the edge of the desk. She looks up at him, at his bed hair and his fitted black shirt. Warmth envelops her entirely.
"Baby keeping you up?" He prods and she realizes that she never answered him. She rubs her stomach and smiles softly.
"Kind of. But mostly I was feeling inspired."
Despite the lack of light, she sees his face brighten, before he smirks.
"Oh yeah? Was it all the hot kisses I placed on your neck before bed that got you going?"
"Sure, your mouth is always inspiring to me," she giggles, "but I think it's being in this place."
He moves then to sit on the edge of the bed across from the desk. She turns the chair around to face him. Mindlessly, he leans forward to lift her feet off the floor, placing them in his lap.
"This place?" he questions as his fingers press delightfully into her constantly fatigued legs. She hums in pleasure before answering.
"California I mean. We have a…history."
His hands freeze then, and his whole face conveys guilt.
"Don't stop, that felt so good."
He mumbles, "I'm sorry," as he starts massaging her again, but she knows it's not about that at all.
"I meant Logan. Not you," she corrects him with a gentle smile, "I know it was your only choice."
His guilty look only softens a little, contrition still etched in the lines of his face.
"It didn't have to be."
"But it was," she shrugs, "I understand now."
The lines on his face soften a little more.
"Was this a bad idea for our babymoon?"
"Not at all," she insists quickly with a gentle smile. He looks up at her, taking in the hands resting on her bump, and the light of the computer screen framing her head; it's one of those moments when she looks celestial to him. She soothes any guilt he was holding onto right off his face. He lifts one of her feet up to press his lips softly against her toes.
"Your facial hair tickles," she laughs, pulling her foot away slightly. He smirks and takes it back, resting it again in his lap. His hands move up her legs to squeeze her calves and she hums again. She continues her previous thoughts.
"The location is perfect. It forced me to face what I've been avoiding."
"Logan?"
"Writing about him."
He looks at her, and she knows he understands.
"It must be hard to write about who he used to be to you. With all the other…stuff."
She nods slowly.
"It is," she admits quietly, "I was struggling because…it felt like giving him credit. Writing about the better times we had. It felt like giving him credit for parts of my life, because some it really wouldn't make sense without him."
He cocks his head slightly in thought, giving her words serious consideration.
"I can see why you might see it that way," he mutters, hands still working soothingly over her muscles, "but it's not really that. He may be part of the story, but it's still your story."
Her heart flutters as he repeats the very same words to her that she's been telling herself. She grins.
"I know. But it took me being here and finally sitting down to finish that part of the story to realize it."
He matches her warm grin and moves his hands back to her feet to give a loving squeeze.
"Writing about your past is transformative that way," he mumbles in a soft but passionate tone, and she feels his love both for her, and for his favorite craft, come through in every syllable.
"It is," she confirms, "I also realize that if Logan was not such a selfish person, my life might be a lot different. And for the first time ever, I feel really grateful for that part of his personality."
Her words bring about tingles all over his skin, comprehending exactly what she means as his eyes shift to her growing stomach. They move back up to her own eyes, and he asks, somewhat playfully but sincerely,
"How's your relationship with California now?"
She taps her fingers on her belly in thought and says with a grin, "Improving."
"It's lucky to be in your presence, I would say," he remarks more playfully than before, kissing her foot again. She chuckles and pulls her feet away to turn back towards her computer.
"Let me save this and I'll get back in bed with you," she hits buttons on her keyboard as Jess patiently waits behind her. When she's done and closes her laptop, she turns around to face him again with question.
"How about? Have you been writing anything?"
He half sighs, half murmurs thoughtfully; he leans over to turn a small lamp on so she can safely get back in bed.
"I haven't really had the time, and that's not a complaint," he replies, already knowing the unnecessary culpability she might feel. The small, guilty smile on her face confirms that. She stands from the desk chair, and he moves out of her way on the bed, pulling the blankets back for her.
"But, I've got some ides written down. On my computer, on notepads, and in my head."
"Like what?" she asks, trying to get comfortable in bed.
"Nothing to write home about yet," he mumbles, and realizing what she needs, he walks to the hotel room closet and finds extra pillows. Her face is bright with gratitude as he kneels down next to her side of the bed to position pillows under her stomach.
"You'll send me a letter when there is?" she asks sweetly, earning an adoring look from Jess.
"Of course," he affirms, and moves her t-shirt slightly up so he can press his lips near her bellybutton, "I'll even seal it with a kiss."
"I can't wait," she replies through a yawn; she moves a hand down near where he just kissed.
"You okay?" he asks in concern. She nods.
"Yes, this baby is just going crazy tonight. It feels like I have endless jitters that I have no control over."
He looks over her in sympathy, and his eyes catch on a paperback book he left on the other nightstand. Rory watches as he stands up and crosses the room. In a moment, he's back in front of her again.
"I know you said the baby isn't supposed to be able to hear me until you're fully in month six or seven," he states as he pulls the desk chair out. He pushes it up to the side of the bed where she's lying on her side, placing it right where her center rests, "but let me try something."
As he finishes his thought, he takes a seat and leans forward on his elbows. His face aligned close to her belly, he opens the book, somewhat against her body.
"Is that okay? You don't feel any pressure, do you?" he turns his head to ask. Her brows furrow and she shakes her head.
"Not at all. What are you up to?"
He shrugs one shoulder and turns back to the book, "hopefully putting the baby to sleep."
She watches, and listens, heart pulsing with affection as he starts to read in a low, gentle mumble. She can hardly make out the words, but as she hears him say the name Brett, she laughs in amused disbelief.
"Hemingway? That's the first book you read our baby?"
He looks up at her with a sly smirk and a tick of his brow.
"It's all I've got."
"No way. You packed at least three books!"
"Okay, it was within reach."
"I'm sure the bible is in here somewhere."
"Oh, the bible is much more traumatizing than Ernest," Jess argues, and gives her a wink as he says, "besides, you've always said he's boring. Should do the trick for mom and baby, don't you think?"
She laughs again and her heart bursts with love, "you're right. Go ahead."
He smiles and turns back to the book, but before continuing he asks, "where's your sleep mask? You won't be able to fall asleep with the light on."
Her eyes scan around the room, and she points to the gift bag behind him on the desk. He turns his body to grab it and hands it to her. He waits until she's got it on and is all snuggled up again before repositioning himself near her belly.
He presses his lips in a soft, loving kiss to her stomach again, and murmurs to his audience,
"Now where were we? Here we go: With them was Brett. She looked very lovely…"