thank you for reading/reviewing!
iver86 - thank you so much for your words! your reviews are always so wonderful and def keep me inspired.
michie-sunflower - thank you, you always keep me inspired too! but I want to thank you in particular for your comment, because it's so nice that you remembered that. and I am happy to report that no siblings got sick this time :)
I think it's clear, but I also want to note the way to pronounce her name. because I know as a reader that's always important to me so I can hear it properly in my head. It's pronounced like the boy name Percy (pur-see).
now our first post birth chapter :')
enjoy xoxo
disclaimer: i own nothing
Jess wakes up to the startling sound of absolutely nothing and sits up in bed when he notices there's sunlight coming in around the blinds in their bedroom. He blinks his eyes and turns to see the bed empty. He looks at the clock and curses, throwing the blankets off his body in a rush. He hasn't slept until nine in the morning any day over the last month; despite typically being a heavy sleeper, his own daughter's cries seem to be the kryptonite to his slumber. But he doesn't recall waking up after her feeding at two in the morning, and even then Rory insisted he stay in bed.
He panics that he neglected to help her because he slept too deeply and practically jogs out of the room and down the hallway looking for them.
"Rory? Persie?" he calls out quietly, "Sabrina? Any one or animal here?"
He walks through the living room, past the dining room and finally finds them. Rory sits at the kitchen island with Persie in front of her, resting in her pink bouncer (one of the many gifts from Emily). She looks up from the baby to Jess as he enters the kitchen with a big smile.
"Happy birthday, handsome. Come see what your daughter is wearing for you."
He grins and steps around the counter to join her; Persie's bright blue eyes are open wide, and he gets lost in them for a moment before taking in her outfit.
"Wow, The Clash onesie fits already?" he gently tickles her belly, "you're my hungry little girl, aren't you? Already wearing three-six month clothes, look at you."
Rory watches with a loving smile as Persie hums and shifts her legs around for him.
"She does love to eat. And she's been moving her legs a lot today."
"Going to be interesting when she can actually start kicking outside the womb," he mumbles and turns his smile on Rory. He presses a kiss to her head, "good morning. Thank you for the birthday wishes, but why did I have the opportunity to sleep until nine?"
"Because it's your birthday, silly," she stands up and wraps her arms around him. He holds her face in his hands and gives her a hot kiss.
"Sorry, I haven't brushed my teeth yet. But I couldn't resist," he mutters as they break apart, "why didn't you wake me up?"
She rubs her hands over his chest and kisses him again.
"Well, after I fed her around two this morning, she had some trouble getting back to sleep. Eventually we both fell asleep in the rocking chair in her room, and then she woke me up to eat again a couple hours later and then we repeated it again until finally I got up a little after six."
"You should have woke me up."
"Anyway," she continues, ignoring his words, "I had big plans for your birthday morning, and for her one month milestone. I tried to make us breakfast, but I ended up burning the eggs because she got hungry and fussy again. Then I took out everything to just make bagels with cream cheese, but then she needed a diaper change, so I left it all sitting out and our clever cat found her way into the package of cream cheese and took a nice bite out of both bagels I had sitting out. So, then I gave up on being a housewife, and ordered breakfast from the diner nearby for delivery. It should be here soon. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a home cooked meal."
He holds her face in his hands and kisses her again.
"Don't be sorry, I did not expect anything like that. You didn't need to order breakfast or try to cook and take care of Persie. I would have at least taken care of breakfast if you had woken me up."
"But it's your birthday."
He shakes his head with a small smile, "it's too much. But I love you and appreciate your efforts. And I have a gift for you, actually. Do you want it now?"
Her eyebrows crinkle, "for me? On your birthday?"
"It's also Persie's birthday, in a way," he replies with a shrug and a smirk, "and since she has no use for anything other than your boobs and diapers right now, I thought it would make more sense to get you something."
"That's so sweet," she steps back and looks down at herself; she's still in her pajamas, and there are wet marks on her top from her breasts, and she knows that her hair is a mess. "I'm in no condition to receive a gift right now. And also, I have a gift for you too. It will be here around noon. Do you mind if I go shower real quick?"
"I don't know what you mean by being in 'no condition' for a gift. You are always beautiful," he leans forward to kiss her head, "but please, go ahead. Shower and do anything else you want. Take your time."
The baby makes a gurgling sound then and they both look at her with amused smiles.
"Can't think of a better gift than one on one time with my hungry little sweetpea," he turns to the bouncer and tugs gently at her small feet; she just stares at him. Rory laughs and gives him a quick side hug. He manages to catch the top of her head for a kiss before she walks away.
"I'll be back. Breakfast should be here in less than ten minutes."
"Okay, I'll grab it. Now go. Take time for yourself."
"Sure, it is my birthday after all," she teases with a wink before leaving the room completely.
"Your mommy is a very special lady. Do you know that?" he asks with an uncontrollable smile as he watches Persie squirm in her seat, "of course you do. You want to spend every waking moment with her. I get it, she's my favorite person too. Well, now I guess that you're here it's tied. You're both my favorite."
She stares back at him for a moment before her face crumples and she starts to cry.
"Oh no, you miss her already? I'm sorry," he soothes, unbuckling and scooping her up into his arms, "or maybe you're just sleepy, yeah?"
He holds her against his chest, kissing the top of her downy head softly. While his face rests there, he takes in her sweet newborn scent.
"I wish I could bottle that up," he mumbles against her in a low, rumbling voice, "I could sell it and make a lot of money. People love that baby scent."
She starts to calm in his hands, her cries lulling into quiet hums. He kisses her again.
"But I think I'd rather keep it for myself. So when you're too big to fall asleep in my arms anymore, I would have something extra special to remind me of these days."
He looks down at her face as the fussy sounds stop and sees that she's asleep. He grins warmly and snuggles his chin to the side of her infant head.
"Just sleepy," he murmurs, rubbing his thumb in her soft hair, "you can sleep here as long as you want. I love you, Persie."
…
After a shower, breakfast, feeding the baby again, and a short nap, Rory stands in the bathroom putting just enough makeup on to look like she's not about to fall asleep. Jess is in the shower behind her, and even though she can't have sex yet and she doesn't have any energy for it, she enjoys sneaking a peek every so often at his form behind the frosted glass. As he turns off the water and steps out of the shower, he catches her looking at him in the mirror. He smirks and briskly towels himself off before wrapping it around his waist and stepping up behind her.
"Do you like what you see? Even though I haven't worked out in over a month."
Her face heats; she leans closer to the mirror as she puts mascara on.
"No one would look at you and think 'hm, he needs to work out more'. Trust me."
"Okay, but you didn't answer me," he mumbles near her ear, pressing his body close to hers and resting his chin on her shoulder, "do you like what you see?"
She puts the mascara down, and even with flushed cheeks meets his eyes in the mirror, "of course I do. But I can't do anything with it until I get the okay from my doctor next week."
He kisses behind her ear, "we can play with each other without penetration. If you wanted to."
She sighs and looks at him longingly.
"It's a nice idea, but I don't feel…up for anything like that yet. I don't quite feel comfortable in my body right now. It's in this weird stage between pregnant and, well, not pregnant."
He meets her eyes in the mirror, all playfulness disappearing from him.
"I'm sorry, Rory. I wasn't trying to pressure you or anything. I just wanted to take care of you."
She turns around to face him with a soft smile.
"I know, it's okay. I just don't feel like myself yet."
He lifts a hand to rest in her hair and regards her with a sympathetic look.
"It's funny because I don't really feel like a mom yet either," she adds on with a curious look, "it's like I don't quite know who I am."
He gulps and takes a breath, because he knows that she's simply sharing with him and doesn't expect him to fix it, but his first response is always to try and do just that. He massages his fingers in her hair.
"I haven't heard you mention that to the doctor yet at any appointments since her birth."
She shrugs one shoulder, "I haven't because I know it takes time. I read that it can take months or in some cases years for new moms to feel like themself again."
He pulls her head towards him and presses his lips against her forehead. When they separate he meets her eyes and asks,
"Can we please tell the doctor those things next week? I hear you saying they are normal, but it doesn't hurt to talk to her about it."
She holds his eye contact silently and eventually nods.
"Yeah, okay. I'll tell her next week."
He smiles and kisses her head again.
"I need to give you your gift. Do you feel ready to receive it now?"
She grins and nods, "yes. I'm ready."
His hand moves from her hair and down her arm until he clasps her hand in his. He leads her to their bedroom and sits her down on the bed. He walks to his closet and rummages through various items placed to conceal the small jewelry box he's been keeping in there for a couple of weeks. He takes it out and steps back over to the bed; Rory takes it from him with a surprised smile.
"What's this?"
He crosses his arms over his chest and looks down at her, "open it. I told you I would get you jewelry that matches the baby's eye color after she's born. I hope you like it."
She opens the box to reveal a sterling silver bracelet with three pretty light blue stones spread out along it. She gasps softly and takes it out.
"It's beautiful, Jess," she jumps off the bed and gives him a hug, "please help me put it on?"
He grins and takes it from her, wrapping it around her wrist and clasping it with great concentration. Once it's on, he adjusts it, so the hook is on the bottom and her wrist is properly decorated with the stones that perfectly match their daughter's eyes. He places a kiss against her pulsepoint before releasing her hand.
"I love it so much," she gushes with a big smile, "and it matches my engagement ring! Thank you!"
He holds her tight in his arms when she hugs him again.
"Happy one month of you being a mom," he kisses her neck, "you're doing so amazing already, Rory, even if you don't feel like one yet. You really are incredible."
"Thanks. You're doing amazing too," she replies in a sweet mumble, squeezing him around the waist.
Just then, the doorbell rings and Jess gives her a confused look.
"What's that?"
"It's your birthday surprise. I'll go get it, but you better get dressed asap!"
He watches her run out of the room with a look of disbelief. After a pause, he walks to his dresser to pull out clothes and do as she said. Throwing on a pair of lounge shorts and a white band t shirt (he learned his lesson about wearing darker colors - that the baby will always inevitably spit up milk on them). He walks into the bathroom again to quickly run his fingers through his hair until it looks less crazy and then follows the quiet voices he hears down the hallway. Stepping into the living room, a wide smile overcomes his face as he sees his gift: Liam, Connor and Brandon all sitting there talking to Rory.
"Jess!" Eight year old Connor jumps off the couch and runs up to him for a hug. He easily leans down to catch him and hugs him back with a hearty squeeze.
"It's good to see you too," he tells him as they part with a genuine grin.
"You didn't have a baby yet last time I saw you," Connor replies, "Liam says you have one now. Is he telling the truth?"
Jess laughs and shoots Liam a smirk.
"Yes, for once he's telling you the truth. We do have a baby now, her name is Persephone, but we call her Persie. She's sleeping right now. How long are you guys staying?"
Jess looks around the room and Brandon shrugs.
"My only plans today are to be here, and then I'm driving to Stars Hollow later."
"We can stay for a while," Liam adds, nodding in Connor's direction.
"Great, then you should be able to meet her. Are you guys hungry?"
Rory looks up at him, "I planned to order pizzas."
"Sounds great, I can get them. Everyone likes pepperoni, right?"
She rolls her eyes good naturedly.
"Jess, it's your birthday. Please sit down with your friends, I'll go order food."
"I think you oughta listen to her and enjoy your damn birthday," Liam teases with a smug smirk.
"You be quiet," he waves him off but nods at Rory and takes a seat on the couch, "okay. I'm sitting and enjoying my birthday."
"Thank you! I'll be back."
After Rory leaves the room, Brandon clears his throat and says, "I see having a baby hasn't changed your relationship dynamic at all."
"Jeez, did you guys just come here to smart mouth me for my birthday?"
Connor pipes up then, "and meet the baby."
The whole room breaks into laughter, and over the next hour they catch up on each other's lives and have lunch when it arrives.
Later that afternoon, Rory steps in the living room with the baby in her arms.
"She's awake and ready for company I think," she declares as she takes a seat on the couch next to Jess.
"Damn, she looks just like Jess. Except those eyes," Brandon comments as he leans over to look at her, "she's adorable."
"If she's cute she has to take after Rory," Liam jokes.
"Of course she looks like Rory," Jess argues, carefully taking the baby from her arms, "she really only has my hair. Everything else is Rory."
"Can I hold her?" Connor asks from his seat on the couch; he has a controller in his hand from the Nintendo switch they got years ago. The Super Mario game he was playing with Liam paused on the TV. Jess stands up and takes the empty seat next to him.
"Sure, just put the controller down and sit back on the couch."
He does as Jess says and holds his arms out in wait. Jess grins and slowly transfers her from his arms and into Connor's much smaller ones.
"You have to make sure her head is supported. There you go, hold her just like that. You good?"
He nods and looks down at the baby.
"Wow she's so small. Her head is tiny," he says in amazement.
"I know, it's pretty crazy. Can you believe that she was even smaller when she was born?"
"That's crazy," Connor shakes his head and looks her over, "she's pretty."
"Yes," Jess agrees softly, "she's very pretty. Sometimes I can't take my eyes off her."
"Do you want to hold her Liam?" Connor asks his brother. Liam makes a face that makes Jess laugh.
"No thanks. Not really a baby person."
Connor looks up at him, "did you hold me when I was a baby?"
Liam frets and huffs, "yes, of course. But you're my brother."
"But she's like family," he argues, and looks hesitantly at Jess, "right?"
"Oh yeah," Jess insists with heartening smile, "you're definitely her family. But if Liam doesn't want to hold her, he doesn't have to. It's okay."
The doorbell rings then. Jess and Rory share a confused look.
"More surprises?" he asks, and she shakes her head.
"Nothing I have planned. I'll go see who it is."
"Be careful, I know this is a nicer neighborhood than we lived in before but it's still New York," he calls after her as she walks out of the room.
"Can I hold her next?" Brandon asks, "I honestly don't think I've ever held a baby before."
"Well then, let's change that," Jess insists with a smile. He moves Persie from Connor to Brandon's hands seamlessly.
"Oh, she's light as a feather," he gazes over her, "and she feels as delicate as one too."
"You won't hurt her, don't worry."
Rory suddenly runs into the living room and says rapidly,
"I just want to say right now that I did not invite them. I know you don't like a ton of company on your birthday, I wouldn't do that to you."
His eyebrow perks up curiously until he hears familiar voices coming up behind her.
"We wanted to surprise Jess for his birthday!" Doula exclaims as she steps into the living room, followed by Luke and Lorelai.
"I tried to tell them we need to call first," Luke grumbles, "it's impossible to talk sense when it's two against one."
"We brought cake!" Lorelai sing songs, "I put it in the kitchen and don't worry, I didn't make it. We picked it up from Weston's before we left Stars Hollow."
Doula walks over to the couch and tackles Jess in a hug.
"Happy birthday!"
He pats her arm, "thank you. This is definitely a…surprise."
"A good one right?" she asks with a big smile, then she turns towards the rest of the couch and gasps, "oh my god! She's so much bigger than when I last saw her!"
"She was only a few days old," Jess shrugs, "they grow fast. She's a whole month now."
"Hey Doula."
"Hi Liam. Hi Brandon, and hi Connor!"
Liam clears his throat, "so…are you eighteen yet?"
Jess turns sharply at that question, and then turns his look on Doula when she replies,
"Oh, you only have to wait another five months."
But he finds a smirk on her face, and when his eyes turn to Liam, he finds one there too. He rolls his eyes.
"What's wrong with the two of you? Jeez. That's not funny."
Doula laughs and teases, "you are such a dad already."
"Hi baby Persie!" Lorelai coos, pulling Jess's attention away. She stands over Brandon with an intimidating smile on her face, "I suggest you hand her over or risk a severe hand injury."
He grimaces and holds the baby up to her.
"Hi pretty girl, Nana is here! Did you miss me? I bet you did."
Rory stands in the corner of the living room, feeling a little overwhelmed at the gathering. Their baby hasn't been around this many people at once yet, and she's still so fresh at four weeks old. She loves everyone around her, but she would have phased the visits out more if she had been asked.
"Um, I'm going to get some water. Does anyone want anything?" Rory asks the room. Jess looks up at her then, hearing something in her voice. Everyone else declines, but he stands up.
"I could use a water. I'll come with you," he walks to her and places a hand at her lower back as they head for the kitchen. Once they are alone, he walks her to the kitchen island so she's standing against it. He holds tenderly to the top of her arms and looks into her eyes.
"Are you okay?"
She doesn't respond right away, but he doesn't miss any of her body language - biting on her lip, crossing her arms over her chest, taking a big breath to delay her response. He rubs his hands up and down her arms and waits. Finally, she releases her lip, and the corners of her mouth turn downward.
"It's a lot. Just unexpected."
He chuckles humorlessly, "it is a lot. Want me to kick someone out? I think Liam would be my first choice, his mouth is particularly smart today."
That makes an involuntary half grin perk up on her face and he matches it.
"No, that's okay. She has so many people that love her and just want to see her. It's a good thing. Just a little weird."
"Yes and all of them here under the guise of celebrating my birthday," he remarks smartly, "the perfect opportunity to invade us."
She laughs, "well, I did invite Liam, Connor and Brandon."
He smiles and presses a soft kiss to her lips.
"Thank you for that, by the way. I'm happy to see them and glad that they got to meet her," he kisses her again, "I know it's weird to watch our daughter be passed around like she's a toy or something, but she will let us know if she's uncomfortable. And then we will take her back and away from the pop-up party. Or kick everyone out."
"Yeah," Rory nods with a quiet laugh, "she will definitely cry if she's unhappy. She's good at that."
"She does have excellent lungs."
"Jess, Rory," Luke's voice interrupts and they turn to see him standing a little uncomfortably in the doorway, "you guys okay?"
Jess nods in response for them both, "we're good, thanks. The baby okay?"
"Oh, she's fine although Lorelai is trying to talk her ears off," he steps further into the room, "uh, I brought groceries with me. They're in the fridge. Was planning to cook you guys some meals for the week in your kitchen while I'm here. Is that alright?"
Rory grins wide, "of course! Thank you Luke, that's so nice!"
"It's perfect timing because we're about to run out of the food we meal prepped before she was born," Jess gives him a grateful smile.
"Good, good. You know I uh, am not really a baby person, not like Lorelai is I mean," he shrugs his shoulders up, "but, I want to help and be a good grandparent. Taking care of you guys is my best attempt."
Rory meets him where he stands near the fridge to hug him.
"It's more than enough. Thank you."
They hear Persie crying from the living room then, and the parents share a look.
"Think she got tired of being talked at?" Jess teases as he takes her hand to head back to the living room.
"I think she's hungry. But probably that too."
She picks up her pace as the volume increases and finds Doula trying to comfort her.
"I don't know what happened, I was just holding her and telling her how cute she is."
Jess chuckles and takes the baby from his sister's arms. Her cries calm down in his hold.
"Newborns cry. It's okay, you didn't do anything," he looks down at her and sees her smacking her lips, "she's just hungry and looking for mom. We're going to take her to the nursery, I'll be back soon."
Rory follows behind him down the hallway, the sounds of conversation quieting as they move away from the living room. He walks into the nursery and hits the lights, closing the door behind them. Rory takes a calming breath at the silent and cozy environment.
"Go ahead and get comfortable," Jess mumbles to her, tilting his head towards the rocking chair, "do you want the pillow?"
She sits back in the soft chair, "yes, please."
With one arm holding his little girl, he uses the other to pick up the plush gray nursing pillow from the floor. He hands it to her and rocks the fussing baby in his arms until she's ready.
"Thank you. Hand our hungry little milk fiend over."
He smiles and leans down, placing her on the pillow while Rory simultaneously lifts her shirt and bra. She paws at Rory's breast until she latches on. Jess gently scratches his fingers in Persie's hair and then kisses Rory on the head.
"Do you need anything? Something to eat or drink? Something to read?"
"I'm a little hungry actually. Do you mind grabbing me a granola bar?"
He puts his hands on his hips, "a granola bar? That's it?"
"There's company waiting for you out there," she shrugs, "I don't need a full meal."
"You know you're way more important than all of them combined. How about a granola bar and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? And I'll see if Luke brought any fruit."
She smiles warmly at him.
"That sounds great."
"Okay, I'll be back."
He goes back to the kitchen, walking fast enough that no one in the living room can stop him. Luke stands in front of their stove cooking up something that smells herby and delicious.
"Did you happen to bring any fruit?" he asks his uncle as he takes out foods for Rory.
Luke nods and points to a bag on the counter, "there are strawberries and peaches in there. Want me to slice a couple up?"
"Just a peach, if you don't mind."
"Not at all. I brought a bunch. Was going to make a peach pie for you guys."
"Rory will love that."
"Good," Luke stands next to him at the island, both men preparing food next to each other, "how's she doing? Really?"
Jess hesitates before answering.
"She's okay. It's only been a month since she gave birth, and I think a little struggling with that sort of change is expected, and she's definitely experiencing that. I try to be as supportive as I can. It never quite feels like enough in my opinion."
He feels Luke place a hand on his shoulder and he turns to meet his caring look.
"You're doing great, Jess. As a partner and a father."
He swallows and asks, "how can you know?"
"Because I do. Because I know you and I know the way you care and love and do the best you can."
Jess holds his gaze for another moment before turning back to the sandwich in front of him. He simply replies with,
"Yeah."
"And I know because," Luke continues as he also turns his attention back to the peach, "both Rory and the baby are able to relax in your presence. It's very obvious how much comfort you bring them. You're doing great."
His words stir something in his chest, but they end the conversation there, silently working next to each other until Rory's plate is full. As he's about to take it to her, Doula shows up in the kitchen.
"Hey Jess?"
He gives her a questioning look, with a plate in one hand and a coconut water in the other. Doula steps up to him with her hands behind her back, looking a little coy. His eyes narrow suspiciously.
"What do you want?"
"What do you think about taking me to get a tattoo today?" she inquires with big eyes, "Brandon said he can get me in somewhere easily."
Jess scoffs, "Did you really visit me on my birthday with an ulterior motive?"
"No!" she argues, dropping her hands from her back defensively, "I didn't know Brandon would be here with his insider access to local tattoo shops."
Jess fixes her with an annoyed look.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but we kinda have a lot going on here today. You know, with you and Lorelai's sneaky visit during a time that we already had plans."
"Okay, listen," she explains with her hands up, "hear me out. That's why I think it would be a great idea to go today! There are enough people here to stay with Rory and Persie in case she needs help or something. Well, Brandon will have to come with us. But that's good too because we will get VIP treatment wherever we go. Please? It won't take long!"
Jess hears Luke chuckle quietly behind him. He rolls his eyes upward and sighs.
"Let me talk to Rory. If she's comfortable with it, then we can go after Persie falls asleep again. Okay?"
Doula squeals and jumps in place.
"Yes thank you!"
"Don't get too excited yet," he mumbles on his way out of the room.
"Rory is sensible, she will understand this is the perfect opportunity!"
"We'll see."
Rory sits in the nursery with Lorelai in the early evening. They sit on the floor watching Persie have her daily tummy time in between them on her baby mat. This item Rory picked out herself, after Jess convinced her that there was nothing wrong with exchanging or returning the needlessly luxurious mat that Emily had gifted them. It's round and decorated with pretty flowers, with a crescent moon shaped pillow that Persie is currently perched on. Above her, for when she's ready for play time, is an arch with developmental toys and a mirror hanging from it. Rory adored the little bunny, butterfly and bird shaped play things; Jess liked the fact that it was cheaper than the other one and therefore Emily would get some of her money back.
They laugh in delight as the baby makes adorable sounds and small movements. Rory reaches out to hold her little fist and the bracelet Jess got her sparkles in the sunlight from the window. Lorelai gasps and takes her hand in hers as Rory pulls it away from the baby.
"That is gorgeous! You got fancy new jewelry and didn't tell me?"
Rory smiles, admiring the bracelet with her.
"Jess gave it to me today. He told me before the baby was born that he would gift me something that matches her eyes, like Grandpa did with Grandma."
"Aw, honey. That's beautiful."
"I know," she takes her hand back and moves hair behind her ear, "he's…amazing. He does so much, always wants to help even when all there is to do is feed her from my own body. And he's a totally doting father, just as I suspected he would be."
"Oh yes, I've seen the evidence myself," Lorelai teases. She then reaches out and touches Rory's knee; she turns to her mom and sees a soft look on her face.
"How are you doing, sweets? And please remember that I'm your mother and can read you like a book. And that I'm asking because you're my daughter and I care about you. Not because I'm being nosy."
Rory opens and closes her mouth, unable to think of the words to say right away. She then turns back to her daughter and takes one of her little hands in hers again. After a thoughtful moment of silence, she speaks candidly.
"I'm feeling a little…disconnected from myself to be honest. Her birth, and almost every day since has had this like…dreamy quality to it. Like these things are happening to me and I don't control them. But not in a bad way, if that makes sense."
Lorelai scoots closer to her on the floor and wraps an arm around her shoulders.
"It makes sense, honey," she gives her a motherly kiss on the head, "it's a strange experience becoming a mom. You're so involved in the baby's life because she needs you to survive, you're the center of her universe right now. You don't really get to be an observer of her life the way that other people do, and I think that's what is giving you that out of body feeling. After you turned one year, I remember thinking that it felt like I blinked and completely missed it."
Rory turns her head to meet the eyes identical to her own, and the same eyes that her baby now has.
"That's the other thing," she says quietly with a hint of embarrassment, "I was telling Jess this earlier…I don't really feel like a mom yet. Even though I'm doing all of the mom things for her. It's weird."
"Oh babe, that's normal too," Lorelai promises with a reassuring smile, "she was a part of you for so long, longer than she's been separate from you. And like I said before, you are the center of her world. It's like you two haven't really become separate humans yet, you know what I mean? She still sees herself as part of you, and you're still part of her. That will change with time and growth."
Her shoulders slowly drop under Lorelai's arm, and a small smile crosses her face.
"Thanks, mom," she leans her head on her shoulder, "other than that stuff, I'm good. I kind of understand your weird obsessive tendencies with me now, because I think I'm totally obsessed with Persie."
Lorelai laughs, "of course you are. How can you not be with a face and a head of hair like that? God, she kinda looked like a troll doll the day she was born."
Rory gapes and playfully nudges her.
"She was cute!"
"Yeah, troll dolls are cute too."
Rory shakes her head and notices Persie putting her fingers near her mouth. She sighs.
"I think she's hungry again. Only an hour and a half this time," she states as she picks her up from the floor.
"Wow she really is a Gilmore girl with that appetite!"
"Can you look away for a second?" Rory mutters as she holds the baby near her chest. Lorelai rolls her eyes and looks towards the other wall.
"I gave birth to you, you know. And I'm a woman too, we have the same body parts!"
"Just let me feel like my body is mine at least a little bit. You can turn back now."
"What do you mean by that?" Lorelai asks as she faces her again. She shrugs.
"I told you I feel disconnected. I mean physically too. It's all sort of foreign to me right now and I struggle to do anything with myself other than shower and take care of Persie."
Lorelai cocks her head, "you mean…you aren't comfortable with the way you look?"
Rory looks away as her cheeks tint pink.
"No, is that so weird?"
"No, no. It's not weird. It's a normal feeling, but I just want to tell you Rory that you're beautiful. Your body is beautiful. You look good and healthy. You even still have your pregnancy glow, babe," she leans in closer to her, "and I just know that Jess is telling you these things too, isn't he?"
"Maybe."
"Honey…I know it's normal to feel the way you're feeling, but I hope you appreciate yourself too. And give your body so much grace because, hello, you brought a life into the world! Every part of you is impressive."
Rory smiles but stays quiet, and the sounds in the room for a while are only coming from the baby until Rory eventually says,
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"I'm glad you came to visit today."
Lorelai grins wide and squeezes her sideways. They hear voices down the hall then, and Lorelai stands up.
"I guess Jess and Doula are back. I'll go let him know you're in here with Persie."
"Thanks. After she's done eating, we could do the birthday cake."
Lorelai smiles in the doorway, "guess what? We have two cakes! One for Jess and one little one for her one month birthday!"
"You're kidding? She can't even eat it!"
"No but we can! And we can take cute pictures of her with it before we do."
"You're a crazy Nana."
"Aw, I love you too sweets."
"You're talking to Rory, right? Not yourself?"
She hears Jess's voice in the hallway and laughs. Lorelai turns to him with a clever grin.
"Well, we do have the same name so it's sort of like I'm talking to myself isn't it? Ha!"
"Mhm, can I get by?"
"Why? You're yearning for your fiancée because you had to separate from her for a whole three hours?"
"If I say yes, will you move?"
"I'll move anyway. My birthday gift to you."
"How generous."
"That's my middle name," Lorelai quips as she walks out of the doorway, and immediately Jess fills the vacated space. He steps into the room with a mesmerized half smile, pushing the door closed behind him. He crouches down to sit on the floor behind her.
"Sorry that took so long," he mumbles, wrapping his arms around her body both because he wants to hold her and to help her support the weight of the baby, "how many diapers did you have to change without me?"
She hums and leans her head back on his shoulder.
"My mom changed one. I changed two."
"I'll change them for the rest of the night."
"No need to punish yourself for doing something with your sister on your birthday," she leans back into him more, enjoying the relief he's bringing her arms and back, "how was it?"
He strengthens his hold and turns his head to kiss her cheek.
"It's not really punishment. I enjoy taking care of her. And you." His lips dance over her jaw now, "It was fine. Doula's happy and thinks she's the coolest seventeen year old alive."
She laughs and takes a moment to pat the baby on the back before switching her to the other side to continue eating. Jess takes the quick opportunity to give his daughter a kiss on the head over Rory's shoulder. A quiet gurgle greets him in response before she's latched onto Rory once again.
"Doula could be the coolest seventeen year old alive."
"I'm pretty sure her own girlfriend could give her a run for her money. Her movie taste alone is arguably much cooler than Doula's ceaseless obsession with Mean Girls and Mean Girls alone."
She clicks her tongue and can't help but laugh, "you're terrible."
She can feel his smirk against her head.
"I can't help it, I love to make you laugh," he looks down over Rory's shoulder and meets Persie's bright blue eyes staring back at him, "I can't wait to hear her laugh. Four months right?"
"That's what they say," she hums in response, "we should start seeing her smile soon though. Around six weeks."
"Really? That soon?" he asks in disbelief, "god I don't think my heart is going to be able to take it. I'm…crazy enough about her already and she hardly does anything."
Rory adjusts her head so that she can see his face, and she finds that he's being mostly serious.
She smiles softly and presses a kiss to his lovely lips.
"Isn't it wild that a year ago I was in another country for work? Just waiting to come home and tell you my news about moving to local reporting."
"And the even more special news that you were ready to start our family," he nods with a nostalgic smile, "it is wild. The feelings that it gives me when I think about you, and our little girl, and our little family - including the journey to this point, and how lucky we are to have this beautiful, healthy baby within a year of planning for her…the feelings are just…immense, Rory. They're hard to name. But I feel the weight of them almost all the time. They're immense."
She takes a deep breath and nods in understanding, "I know what you mean."
He kisses her jaw, eyes trained on Persie.
"I want to watch her constantly," he mumbles against Rory's skin, "she's so…precious. The cutest thing in the world, next to you of course. I just can't wait to see what she does next. I don't want to miss a thing."
She chuckles and gives him a sweet look.
"She's so lucky to have a dad like you," her sweet look turns into a smirk as she adds on, "but I feel like you're going to let her get away with murder."
He throws his head back to laugh loudly.
"I'm not saying that's true, but if she ever comes home and asks for help hiding a body, I don't think I could turn her away."
She hums knowingly and shifts Persie over her shoulder again when she's done eating. Jess locks his eyes on her once more.
"I think she's going to be just like you though. Focused, brilliant, kindhearted. A little type A. I doubt she'll need to hide any bodies."
"I did get into some trouble myself if you remember," Rory mutters in response and scoots forward from his hold, "can you help me up?"
He pushes up from the floor to stand and leans down to take the baby from her. Then holds a hand out and helps pull her up from the floor. She goes to take Persie back, but he shakes his head and pats her back.
"I got her."
Her eyes are drawn to his large hand on Persie's small back, watching it continuously pat her like she's being hypnotized. But as he begins to walk around the room and whisper to the baby, her eyes move up his arms and are drawn to something else.
"Jess," she says abruptly; he stops walking and looks at her. "What's on your arm?"
His face changes into a mix of guilt and happiness, and his eyes move down to the white bandage peeking out from under his t-shirt above his right bicep. He meets her eyes again, and with a sheepish smile says,
"I may have…gotten a tattoo today."
Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open.
"Are you serious? I've never heard you mention wanting a tattoo, ever. In fact, I think I recall you saying you can't imagine anything you would want imprinted on your body for the rest of your life when you told me in April that Doula wanted to get one."
He turns his eyes away from her and laughs somewhat nervously.
"I did say that."
With a look of disbelief still on her face, she takes slow steps towards him. When she's next to him, she ghosts her fingers over the edges of the bandage; he looks at her then. She looks between his eyes in an attempt to read him, and as his golden gaze turns to their daughter again, she gets an inkling of an idea of what his tattoo might be.
"Can I see it?" she asks in a hushed tone. The corners of his mouth lift and he nods.
"You can take the bandage off, it's okay. I'll put a new one on."
She pushes his sleeve up to his shoulder, revealing the full square sized bandage. She places her fingers at the edges of it, and with a caring touch she lifts the adhesive up and off his arm. She breathes out a touched breath as a beautiful dedication to their daughter is unveiled. In black ink along the top of his strong muscle are the numbers 6 8 24 with tiny flowers drawn in between in place of periods or dashes to indicate that it's a date. It's shiny and swollen red so she doesn't touch it directly but traces the skin around it with her index finger.
"Flowers are symbolic of Persephone," Jess explains in a mumble, "I looked it up recently. And then we were at the tattoo shop today, and I thought 'that's something I actually would like to have on me forever'. A dedication to our daughter. Worked the design out with Brandon's friend and pulled the trigger."
Her eyes shift to his and they share a sweet smile.
"Yes. The myth is that Spring is when she returns from the underworld, and everything is reborn. Like flowers. It's perfect."
He shifts the baby to his right arm and reaches out to hold her face with his left hand.
"You picked a great name."
She turns her head to kiss his palm.
"And you picked a great tattoo."
He smirks.
"Yeah? You like it? You don't think it was a dumb, impulsive decision?"
"Impulsive? Maybe, but who said impulsive has to be a bad thing?" she grins and traces the tattoo again, "I love it, Jess."
He moves his hand from her cheek to the back of her head and pulls her towards him; one arm wrapped around her and Persie staring up at them from his other arm.
"I love you both," he mutters as he presses his lips near her ear, "and I have plenty of room to add more birthdays. Was thinking about doing yours too."
She looks up at him, "really? What design would you do with mine?"
"Definitely coffee beans."
She giggles and wraps both of her arms around his middle, tucking her head into his chest so she's eye to eye with the baby.
"I do miss drinking as much coffee as I want," she sighs and lifts a finger to Persie's tiny, pinkish face, "but you are more than worth it, Persephone."
"Thank you for your sacrifices," Jess teases but she knows he's dually being serious. She flattens her palm over the baby's plump belly and finds its warm, softness soothing.
"Doesn't really feel like a sacrifice when we get something so wonderful in return."
Persie gurgles and makes a face as her eyes drift between her parents and around the room.
"Can't believe she's a month old already," Jess murmurs, moving his thumb in a tender motion where his hand rests on Rory's shoulder. She presses her lips to his chest.
"Speaking of that, mom said they brought a small cake for her too. And yes, she knows Persie can't actually eat it."
"Crazy woman," Jess chuckles and squeezes Rory's arm, "we better not keep her waiting. Let's go have some cake before dinner, and before the birthday girl needs another diaper change."
Rory giggles as they depart from this intimate space into the rest of the house,
"You hear that, Persie? Your daddy says dessert before dinner! Forever and ever."
"That is not what he said."
"No take backs! Dessert before dinner. It will be a Gilmore-Mariano tradition!"
His heart warms; he can't suppress the growing grin on his face, and her words easily persuade him.
"Fine," he sighs, "dessert before dinner, but on birthdays only. Forever and ever."
She stops in her tracks to face him, her smile a similar size to his; she holds out her hand and he laughs before shaking it.
"It's a deal! We'll have dessert before dinner on birthdays only. All and any birthdays. Like tomorrow is Jack White's birthday, so we can obviously have dessert before dinner then!"
She turns back around whip fast, and his jaw falls open.
"Now wait a minute -"
"You shook on it!"
She skips ahead of him; he stands in the hallway and looks down at the baby in his arms with a laugh of disbelief.
"God, I'm going to have my hands full for the rest of my life, aren't I Persie?"
She gurgles and suddenly there's spit up milk coming out her mouth and cascading down her chin.
"Oh shit," he quickly turns her to an upright position in his arms. And as he takes in the white mess all over the front of her onesie, and now on his arm and shoulder, he nods in resignation and turns back around towards the nursery.
He sighs, a small smile still on his face as he murmurs to himself,
"I'll take that as a yes."