A/N: A long chapter for a long weekend.

July 2, 2015

"Does anything crazy happen at dinner tonight?" Julio asked as I drove us through Newark.

"Not sure. Last time it was a family dinner, so my parents and grandmothers were there too. I don't know what to expect with just siblings and spouses."

"Was Sarah with you?"

"No, and she was pissed off because I didn't want her there. We fought about it before I left."

Julio smiled and shook his head. "I still can't believe you dated her."

"I had just gotten out of the Army. She was hot and the sex was great. But I paid for it with my sanity."

We arrived at Emilio's restaurant at six-thirty on the dot. Gusto was a Cuban fusion restaurant in downtown Newark. Emilio had spent years working in the restaurant industry in every role there was with the goal of opening his own restaurant one day. He opened Gusto in 2013 and it would still be open when I died. Stephanie and I had attended a ten-year celebration party there a month before she died. It was hard remembering the days when my parents approved of my partner and couldn't wait for me to get married. Especially when I was the only one with those memories.

The restaurant held two floors of public dining rooms and a private dining room on the third. The young hostess directed us to the staircase that led to the private dining room.

We were the last to arrive by the looks of it. Aurelia and her husband were absent, but that was likely because they weren't invited. Siblings-only events often had an Aurelia-exception. We loved her, but you only invited her if you didn't mind talking to a Latina Eeyore. She was also the only sibling not supportive of my relationship with Julio.

"There's our favorite black sheep!" Emilio announced when he saw us.

Celia smacked Emilio on the back of the head as she walked over to greet us. "What Emilio meant to say it we're glad you're here," she said, hugging us.

We greeted the rest of my family, and I was introduced to Lucy for the first time in this life. I'd known her well by the time she and Emilio got married in my last life, but the estrangement with my parents this time meant I hadn't been to Newark to see my family in almost five years.

A large round table was set for the ten of us and two servers were setting up a buffet on one side of the room. The food at Emilio's restaurant was excellent and I'd been waiting for it all day. Another server came over to take our drink orders and we both ordered water.

"Water? When we've got a whole bar downstairs?" Emilio asked. "It's on me. Get something."

"No thanks," I said. "We're good."

Emilio looked like he wanted to argue, but one of the servers came over to inform him that the food was ready. He announced to the room that we could start serving ourselves and everyone scrambled to claim seats at the table and grab plates. Ropa vieja, pollo al ajillo, rice, fried plantains, black beans, grilled vegetables, and salad were laid out on the buffet. Julio almost cried when I told him Emilio's restaurant used Grandma's ropa vieja recipe.

Julio and I focused on eating while my sisters and Lucy talked about various aspects of the wedding. Emilio would chime in on occasion with some idea or opinion he had contributed, but he had mostly left the wedding planning to Lucy.

"I don't know who you have guarding the bar, but they'll need to be on their game," Celia said. "We found Juan, Sam, Carlos, and Pablo shitfaced in one of the side rooms at my wedding. They had puked all over themselves. It was disgusting."

"That wasn't me," I said.

"Yes, it was," Celia said. "You were one of the ushers. I remember you were in your suit and had puke all over your shirt."

I shook my head. "I was supposed to be. But I got arrested two weeks before the wedding and was locked up waiting to go to court."

Celia looked confused. "I swear I remember you being there. How did I forget?"

"You were busy getting married," I said. "It was my fault I wasn't there. If I hadn't stolen a car, I could have gone to your wedding and Sofia's."

"Wait, you weren't at my wedding either?" Sofia asked, clearly surprised.

"I was having a hard time adjusting to Miami, so Mom and Dad wouldn't let me come. I think they were afraid I'd refuse to go back."

"If it makes you feel any better, I forget being at your weddings so it's sort of like I wasn't there either," Emilio joked. Both women glared at him.

"This isn't funny," Sofia said. "I feel terrible. I thought he was at both of our weddings too."

"And I thought I got overlooked in my family," Julio muttered.

"We're used to it," Silvia said from Julio's other side.

"Used to what?" Celia asked.

"Used to being overlooked," Silvia said. "Why do you think we don't come back very often?"

"We don't overlook you guys," Sofia said. "You choose not to come home. I don't know why. Well, I can understand why Carlos doesn't, but I don't know about you."

Silvia rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh.

"Mom and Dad had the capacity to raise four kids, which meant Carlos and I pretty much raised ourselves. You three were always together because you're so close in age and had a lot of the same friends. I was outgoing and did sports, so that helped me deal with it. Aurelia's just a freak and didn't care if anyone paid her attention, and Carlos was so desperate for someone to pay attention to him he got hooked up with those little thugs and got himself arrested. Clearly not much has changed because you couldn't even remember that Carlos wasn't at your weddings," Silvia said.

Her statement was met with a deafening silence in the room. Celia, Sofia, and Emilio were all lost in thought and the in-laws were very interested in their plates. Julio looked like he was biting his tongue.

"Well, I don't think we'll forget who was at this wedding," Lucy said, causing Sofia's husband Tony to laugh.

"No, we definitely won't," Celia said.

The group slowly relaxed and got back to dinner and talking. Emilio and Lucy told us about the itinerary for their honeymoon, which was a Mediterranean cruise. They were eager to try the local cuisine and bring back ideas for the restaurant. Most of the group chimed in with places they had wanted to go. Silvia looked like she would rather be anywhere else. Her boyfriend Brian was trying to appear interested but didn't contribute to the conversation. Julio was unusually quiet and seemed to be taking it all in while I tried not to think about seeing my parents at the rehearsal the next day. No one had mentioned them except when Silvia talked about their inability to successfully parent all six of us. I had noticed a couple of instances where someone was going to bring them up but decided against it.

"Did you guys get married?" Silvia asked suddenly, her eyes on my left hand.

She hadn't spoken loudly, but all conversation at the table stopped when she did. Everyone was looking at us, and I glanced over at Julio. We hadn't planned to mention the fact that we had gotten married a few days ago until after the wedding, but we also hadn't taken our rings off. I had doubted anyone would notice.

"We did," I said. "We weren't going to say anything until after the wedding."

"Why not?" Emilio asked. "You don't think we care about you, but we do. That's awesome, man."

"It seemed rude to announce it when we're here for your wedding," Julio said.

"Maybe if you stood up in the middle of the ceremony and announced it, but not here," Lucy said. "Congratulations."

Everyone at the table congratulated us and asked for the details. Sofia's strained smile had become less of a smile and more of a grimace by the time we were done telling them about the trip to Vegas with Jenny and Mike.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sofia asked me once most of the group had gone to the buffet table for dessert. She had taken Julio's seat while he was in line.

"Like Julio said, it seemed rude to say something when Emilio and Lucy are about to get married. We were going to tell you before we left."

Sofia's eyes were bright, and she pursed her lips. "Do you feel the same way Silvia does? Like we overlook you?"

I wanted to lie and tell her no, but my hesitation lasted too long to make it believable. "I don't think you do it on purpose. And in my case it's understandable. I'm the youngest and I've spent all but two of the last sixteen years away from Newark. I'm not that desperate kid wanting attention anymore. Far from it."

Sofia's bottom lip quivered slightly, and she swiped at a tear that slipped down her cheek. "I would have liked to see you get married."

I reached over and squeezed her hand. "Sofia, you didn't miss anything. We just signed the marriage license and went to dinner. There wasn't a ceremony."

"I still wish I'd been there."

I pulled out my phone and swiped through my pictures. "I'll text you the picture Jenny took of us afterwards. Will that help?"

"Maybe a little," she said. She waited for the message to come through on her phone and smiled when she opened the picture. "You two look so happy."

"We are."

Julio returned at that moment and Sofia gave him back his seat. She headed to the dessert table, and he dug into his flan.

"She okay?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, she was asking if I felt the way Silvia does. She feels guilty and was upset because she would have liked to have been there when we got married."

Julio made a noise. "I'm glad she wasn't. She would have wanted us to do the whole ceremony thing."

"Exactly. I sent her the picture Jenny took. She liked that."

We stayed another forty-five minutes before the group started to break up. Silvia and Brian had left as soon as they had finished their desserts. Emilio and Lucy had to start closing the restaurant and the others had to get back to their kids. We would be back together for the rehearsal in less than twenty-four hours.

July 3, 2015

I would be coming out to Trenton in January to get started working for Vinnie, but we wouldn't officially move until closer to August. Things were different this time due to my work in Columbus, so I couldn't be in Trenton full-time at first. Thankfully Elliott knew Vinnie, and I planned to ask her to call him. It would be less of a fight having Elliott talk to Vinnie and vouch for my skills. Especially since I would be starting out not taking anything less than $5,000. I preferred $10,000 but needed to be at the office more often so I could excuse being there when Stephanie started.

I gave Julio a general tour of Trenton, showed him the bonds office, my future office building, and Stephanie's future apartment. She would live in the apartment in Ewing Township she got after divorcing Dickie until the end of the year when she lost her job. I showed him a few neighborhoods we should consider living in around Trenton and in surrounding towns. Julio would tell me what he liked and what he didn't, but he wasn't particularly enthusiastic. I couldn't blame him. Trenton wasn't exactly the city dreams were made of, but I would do whatever I could to make him happy.

We stopped for lunch at Pino's where I saw Morelli eating with another cop. It was surreal to see him and realize he had no idea who I was. I was used to Morelli looking at me with a slight tension around his eyes and mouth. This man didn't even spare me a glance as I walked past his table.

I sat where I could watch him discreetly while we ate. Almost exactly one year from now Morelli would kill Ziggy Kuleza in self-defense. I felt bad for Morelli and for Carmen Sanchez, who only died because of her shitty taste in men. I didn't have any pity to spare for Ziggy. Morelli was the thing that pulled Stephanie into bond enforcement in an unusual way. If she hadn't been so determined to find him, then to help him figure out who set him up, maybe she wouldn't have gotten involved in as many nasty cases. She got hired by Spiro Stiva because of how she helped Morelli, which just cemented her reputation as an unofficial private investigator. But if she never did any of that, she might never end up involved in places she should have never been in the first place. If that were to happen, maybe she would bring in a few measly skips, get bored, and move on. And if Morty Beyers didn't die, there wouldn't be much work for her. I'd always told Julio I didn't want to change too much because I didn't know how the changes would work out. But sitting twenty feet away from a man whose life would be turned upside-down from a murder charge made it harder to justify that, even if I couldn't manage to save Carmen Sanchez's life.

We headed back to West Orange around three-thirty to get ready for the six o'clock rehearsal. I was lost in thoughts of how to help Morelli before next July without fucking everything up. I had already been formulating ways to keep Stephanie off the radar with Benito Ramirez and Jimmy Alpha, but now I needed to keep Morelli from going to meet Carmen. If I could save Carmen, even better.

"There's still time to fake an illness," Julio said, interrupting the planning session in my head.

"What?"

"We can make up an excuse not to go to the rehearsal. I'll break my arm or something."

That brought a smile to my face. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm fine."

"You've been stuck in your head all afternoon."

I pulled onto the Turnpike and sped up to merge with traffic. "Seeing Morelli today made me realize you were right. Just standing by and watching bad stuff happen because I'm afraid of making things worse isn't the answer. I have a year to plan how to keep him from getting arrested for murder. If I can save the woman he was going to meet, I will. But I know I can't save everyone. I'm coming to Trenton to save Stephanie's life in the future. I need to focus on what I can do to accomplish that."

Julio looked at his watch and pulled out his phone. "Hold on a minute. I need to write this down. Carlos said I was right at three-thirty-seven p.m. on July second twenty-fifteen," he said as he typed.

"We've been married less than a week and you're already writing down when I admit you're right about something?"

"You bet I am. You act like you're the only person who is ever right."

I didn't respond because I didn't know what to say. His words stung, especially since I was trying to do better. I focused on driving and thought about work, thinking through the proposal we'd sent to the school district. It would be a great contract. School security was becoming more important all the time and more districts were contracting with private firms rather than the local police departments. If this worked in our favor, I might consider branching out in other cities as I opened more offices.

"Are you mad at me?" Julio asked once I'd left the Turnpike and gotten on to the Garden State Parkway.

"No."

Julio snorted. "Then why haven't we talked for an hour?"

"Because I've been focused on driving and thinking about work."

"You're pissed off because of what I said."

I wasn't in the mood for an argument. I wanted to keep my emotions in check when I saw my family, not have them on edge because I'd been fighting with my husband.

"I'm not mad. I promise," I said. I put a hand on his knee and gave it a light squeeze. "I'm trying not to think about it."

"Why are you doing this to yourself? Just tell Emilio to promote someone else to best man and we'll go home."

Traffic started to slow in front of us and people laid on their horns as though it would make the other cars vanish.

"I won't be run off from watching my brother get married because my parents can't accept our relationship. They won't say anything at the wedding, and I bet they'll be trying to avoid us as much as we'll be trying to avoid them."

Traffic was bumper-to-bumper for the next ten miles until we finally moved past a six-car accident. We had just enough time to stop at the hotel and change before heading out to the venue. Harmony Hills Estate had once been the home of a steel tycoon whose children and grandchildren had subsequently lost his fortune and been forced to sell the sixty-acre estate to pay off debts. These days it served as a venue for weddings, corporate events, and television and film productions. Emilio and Lucy's wedding would be held in one of the gardens overlooking a small pond.

We left our car with the valet and headed into the sprawling nineteenth-century stone mansion. The lobby had vaulted ceilings and tasteful décor while displaying a modern spiral staircase to the upper floors. I scanned the room, spotted my parents in one corner talking to Lucy's parents, and headed in the opposite direction towards Celia and Sofia. Celia's youngest daughter Jessica was the flower girl and Sofia's son Milo was the ring bearer. Their older children had been given other roles like manning the guest book and helping with the gift table which didn't require rehearsal.

"I can't wait for the wedding to be over," Celia whispered once we were close. "Jessica has been practicing her flower throwing for a month. She kept bringing in dandelions and throwing them around the house. When I told her to stop bringing in weeds, she started shredding paper and throwing it instead."

"She takes her role seriously," I said. "I can appreciate that."

"At least Milo can just walk around with a pillow," Sofia said as her son ran over to join us. "And he hasn't practiced once."

"And I can appreciate a guy who flies by the seat of his pants," Julio said with a laugh.

The wedding planner, a frizzy-haired woman in her mid-forties, announced to the room that we would be heading to the garden and we followed her outside where six eight-person golf carts waited with a driver in each.

"Okay, the bride, bridesmaids, flower girl and her mother take cart two," she said, consulting a list. "The groom, groomsmen, ring bearer and his mother will be in cart three. The bride's parents, grandparents, and brothers-in-law will take cart four, the groom's parents, grandmothers, brother-in-law, cousin, and officiant will take cart five, and the remaining spouses will take cart six. I will be in cart one with venue staff."

I wasn't crazy about the idea of Julio riding in the same cart as my parents, but I felt a hand on my arm and looked down to see Grandma standing next to me.

"I'll look after him," she said. "Don't worry."

Milo was begging to ride in the rear-facing seats, but Sofia was afraid she would get motion sickness, so I offered to sit in the other seat to ensure he didn't fall off and get run over by the cart behind us. This meant I could watch the rest of the carts as we drove through the grounds. Grandma Rosa was in the front seat next to the driver in cart four. My parents were directly behind them and Julio and Grandma were in the last forward-facing row. The officiant and my cousin Mario's wife were sitting in the rear-facing seats. Grandma and Julio were talking and smiling. Grandma Rosa was digging through her purse, but my parents were looking straight at me. The looks on their faces were inscrutable, and we held eye contact for a few seconds until a bump caught my attention and I threw an arm out across Milo as it caused him to bounce up from the seat. The experience was enough to terrify him, and he scrambled over to sit in my lap and clung to me like a life preserver for the remainder of the ride.

Approximately three hundred chairs were set up on either side of a grassy aisle. Most of the chairs were covered by protective tarps, but the first few rows on either side had been uncovered for the rehearsal. Sofia, Celia, Julio, and the rest of the spouses were instructed to take seats on their respective sides and the rest of us were told our order in the line-up. The officiant was at the front of the group and groomsmen were lined up each escorting a grandmother. Lucy's two grandfathers were following behind her one surviving grandmother and Emilio's friend Luca. My cousin Mario was escorting Grandma Isabela and Emilio's friend Jeremy was directly in front of me escorting Grandma Rosa, who hadn't once turned around to look in my direction. I was escorting Lucy's mother to her seat, and Emilio was directly behind us with our mother and father. Jessica and Milo were separating them from Lucy and her father.

I knew it was my imagination, but I swore I could feel my mother's breath on the back of my neck. I hadn't been this close to them since the day I told them about my relationship with Julio. It was harder than I expected to pretend nothing was wrong. I could feel the resentment radiating off Grandma Rosa. I couldn't get a read on my parents. I'd expected them to pretend I wasn't there, but they hadn't. I had felt them watching us almost the entire time I had been there, and I hadn't seen anything resembling disapproval on either of their faces. They were probably just putting up an act for the wedding. I didn't know if Lucy's family were aware of the rift in ours, but my parents wouldn't want to cause a problem at their son's wedding. They were clearly thrilled to see him getting married. I watched my mother as we ran through the rehearsal. She was already emotional watching Emilio and Lucy practice their wedding, and I focused my attention elsewhere so I didn't have to think about my feelings on the matter.

The rehearsal lasted about half an hour before we were driven back to the mansion. We were shown the large ballroom that would hold the reception the next day but were escorted to a smaller dining room for dinner.

"You'll find your name cards on the table," a woman from the venue announced.

The table seemed to be organized so that the wedding party and families were divided by side. My parents were seated on Emilio's left and Lucy's parents were seated to her right. I was seated next to my father, Grandma was on my left, Julio was directly across from me and Grandma Rosa was next to him.

"Go sit with Julio," Grandma said, swapping my card with Grandma Rosa's. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked around to the opposite side of the table.

"Thank God," Julio muttered. "I was about to fake an asthma attack or something because there was no way in hell I was sitting next to Rosa."

"It won't be fun sitting across from her either , but Grandma will keep her in check."

We had just sat down and the servers were coming around to fill glasses when the wedding planner tapped me on the shoulder.

"You're the best man. I had put your seat over there," she said, indicating where Grandma was sitting.

"I'd prefer to sit here," I told her.

"But I put you over there," she insisted.

"I can either sit here or I can flip the table. Your decision," I informed her quietly enough so only Julio could hear.

The wedding planner gave me an annoyed look but walked off without further comment. Julio stifled a laugh and nudged my knee with his. "I kind of wish she would have told you to flip the table. That would have been fun."

"It was an empty threat," I said.

"Why do we even need assigned seats at a rehearsal dinner anyway?" Sofia asked from my other side. "There aren't that many of us."

Dinner was family-style and consisted of platters of baked chicken, pork chops, salad, vegetables, and bread that were placed along the table. Sofia, Celia, Julio, Grandma, and I talked amongst ourselves, all of us ignoring the daggers Grandma Rosa threw our way. She didn't try to participate in the conversation, nor did she talk to anyone else. My parents would alternate between talking to Emilio and Lucy and talking between themselves. Anytime I had to look in their direction I kept my eyes solely on whoever was talking, but I could feel them watching me.

As plates were cleared and a dessert was brought to the table, Sofia leaned over to whisper in my ear. "I think Mom and Dad—," she began, faltering slightly as though she was afraid of my reaction. "I think they want to try to fix things."

"Are you their spokesperson?" I asked. "Why aren't they telling me this?"

"They haven't said anything to me. I just get the feeling," she said. I saw her bottom lip start to quiver slightly. "I know you think we don't notice you, but we do. It's hard not having you around for holidays and I hate feeling like I can't talk about Mom and Dad to you or you and Julio to them."

"You can talk to me about Mom and Dad. I wasn't the one with the problem," I reminded her. "Mom was the one who couldn't accept my relationship, and Dad can't be bothered to acknowledge my existence anymore."

"Look, I know—," she began, but I held up a hand to cut her off.

"Sofia, this is Emilio's weekend. I don't want to talk about this. I'm here for him. I'm going to focus on my part in the wedding and then go back to Georgia. I don't want to cause a scene."

We leaned back in our seats so dessert could be placed in front of us along with fresh forks and our water glasses were refilled. Once the servers had moved past us, Sofia leaned in once more.

"If they apologized, would you forgive them?" she asked quietly.

I stared down at the piece of cheesecake in front of me and stabbed it with my fork. "I don't know. Because I don't ever expect them to do that."

It was almost nine by the time we left the venue. Lucy and the bridesmaids were spending the night at the mansion so they could start getting ready early, and the men would show up at three to get ready and start taking pictures at four. The wedding would start at six and last into the night so that the local fireworks would be on display. Last time I'd gotten as drunk as I could without it being obvious because once Sarah had gotten over being pissed off that she wasn't invited to the wedding, she had started dropping hints over the phone about getting married when we hadn't been together a year. I'd gone home that night with a friend of Lucy's and hadn't hidden the fact that I'd slept with someone else when she called the next morning.

I struggled to fall asleep and spent the hours staring at the nightstand while listening to Julio snore softly. I couldn't get Sofia's words out of my head. Could I forgive my parents if they apologized? If they were genuinely remorseful, could I let them back into my life? I had no idea at this point. If they had come to me shortly afterwards and apologized, it would have been easier to say yes. But it had been almost four years of no contact. I missed my parents and the relationship I had with them in my past life, but I would never have that relationship with them now. Even if they apologized and we tried to go back to normal, I would always have a wall up. I would never completely trust them not to turn their backs on me again. Did I want to go through that?

"What do the dryer and I have in common?" Julio asked suddenly. I waited for a beat, then rolled over slightly to look over my shoulder at him. His eyes were still closed. Was he dreaming?

"Aren't you gonna try to guess?" he asked after several seconds.

"Are you talking to me?" I whispered.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you." He opened his eyes so I knew he wasn't acting out a dream. "What do the dryer and I have in common?"

I racked my brain for an answer but came up empty. "I don't know."

"We both get loud when you put a load in us."

I groaned and rolled away from him. "That's terrible."

"No, it isn't. You're just extra depressed. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Wanna put a load in me?"

"No."

I felt him scoot closer and nuzzle his face into the back of my neck. He threw an arm over me and found my hand with his.

"Your brother's an asshole for this," he said, his lips brushing my neck as he spoke.

"What do you mean?"

"He made you his best man. You have to stand next to him and watch your parents be thrilled to fucking pieces about him getting married when they haven't talked to you for four years because of who you're with."

"This isn't about them. It's about Emilio and Lucy this weekend. I'm just going to enjoy seeing my siblings and Grandma, and then we'll go home on Sunday."

"I don't like seeing what it's doing to you."

"I'm fine."

"No, you aren't."

I laced my fingers through his and considered whether to keep talking. I didn't want to, but I didn't think he would let it go. "Sofia thinks my parents want to fix things. They've never said anything to her, it's just her opinion. She asked if I could ever forgive them."

"What did you say?"

"I don't know because I don't expect them to apologize. They might not be openly hostile like Grandma Rosa, but that's a long way from an apology and acceptance."

We were quiet for a few minutes, and just as I thought Julio might have fallen asleep again, he spoke again.

"Would you be able to forgive them?"

"I don't know if I can or want to. It's a hypothetical question anyway."

We didn't talk anymore after that, and Julio eventually drifted off to sleep. I pushed aside thoughts of my parents and apologies that would never come and focused on Julio's slow steady breathing next to me to help me fall asleep.

July 4, 2015

At six o'clock on the dot, the wedding processional began. I waited my turn with Lucy's mother, who was already fighting back tears, and watched as the grandparents were seated before we made our trip down the aisle. Once I'd left Lucy's mother and took my place at the front of the aisle, I took the time to register some of the expressions on my extended family's faces. Most were pleasant. A few were indifferent. A handful glared at me. Thankfully the attention quickly left me and turned to Emilio, who was walking down the aisle with our mother on his arm. She was beaming and my father was also smiling as they hugged Emilio and took their seats. Julio's words from the night before played in my head and I sought him out in the crowd. He was sitting on the end of the second row next to Sofia and watching me closely. He winked at me and I felt myself relax. Only a few more hours and I could get away from it all. We'd be back home in less than twenty-four hours, and I wouldn't have to come back to Newark anytime soon.

Milo and Jessica were guided towards the aisle by the wedding planner, and I fought back a smile knowing what was about to happen. Jessica put on her biggest smile and started throwing flower petals around like she had practiced for a month. Milo looked panicked and bolted down the aisle with the pillow in one hand.

"I don't wanna do this!" he yelled, throwing the pillow at me and running over to his mother. People chuckled as Milo climbed over Julio to get to Sofia. I untied the rings and put them in my pocket before handing the pillow to the wedding planner's assistant.

Jessica went to stand over by the bridesmaids once she had emptied her basket of petals and everyone was told to stand for the entrance of the bride. Lucy beamed as she made her way down the aisle towards Emilio, who had never looked happier than he did in that moment. The officiant was Lucy's aunt Fran, a minister and theology professor, who respected the fact that the couple weren't religious and kept the ceremony to the important parts. I stole occasional glances at my parents and watched their reactions. I hadn't paid attention to them last time. I hadn't cared what they thought about my brother getting married. The only thing I had cared about was making sure they knew I would not be marrying Sarah no matter how much she might want it. My mother was emotional, dabbing at her eyes and holding my father's hand. My father was watching the ceremony with a glazed-over expression, but flicked his eyes to me as though he has sensed me watching. I saw a muscle work in his jaw before I turned my attention back to Emilio and Lucy. I didn't look in their direction again.

The wedding party was seated at a long table in the front of the ballroom where the reception was being held, giving us a view of the entire room. My parents, Lucy's parents, Grandma Rosa, and Lucy's three grandparents were sitting at a table directly in front of us with Lucy's aunt Fran and her husband. Grandma was sitting next to Julio at the next table with Silvia, Brian, Sofia, Tony, and their kids. I had forgotten that every adult seat in the room had a glass of champagne waiting for them when they sat down. Julio had his hands in his lap and wasn't looking at it. Grandma caught my eye and gave me a reassuring nod. Once everyone had been served their meals, I noticed Julio stop a server and say something while pointing to his glass of champagne. The server took the glass away and I saw him visibly relax. Sofia was sitting on his other side and had leaned over to say something to him. I saw him respond and Sofia's eyes went wide. She put a hand on his arm and said something. He shook his head and replied, gesturing at Grandma as he did. I guessed he had told her about his alcoholism, and she had felt bad about drinking in front of him. He hadn't wanted to tell everyone about his addiction at dinner the other night. It was only his second time meeting my siblings and hadn't wanted to have that as their second impression of him.

I noticed Julio get up after dinner and disappear out a side door, where a designated smoking area had been set up. I wanted to go check on him, but the maid of honor had started giving her speech and it would have been rude to leave. Emilio gave a speech to Lucy in lieu of a best man speech from me. Everyone toasted the couple and then the DJ announced the first dance. Julio was back in his seat by the time Lucy and Emilio started their dance and I held up my phone to indicate I was going to text him.

You doing okay?

I'm fine. Just had a couple of cigarettes.

The bar opens after the dances. If it gets to be too much, tell me and we'll leave.

Don't you have best man shit to do?

My tour of duty is over. Whatever I do after this is up to me.

We watched Lucy and Emilio finish their first dance and listened while the DJ announced the father/daughter and mother/son dance. Emilio and Mom moved around the dance floor talking and laughing the whole time. Despite never wanting a wedding or any sort of mother/son dance, Julio had been right—watching my mother happily celebrate Emilio's marriage while disapproving of mine was too much. I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom to get away from the feelings I didn't want to think about.

The men's room was empty when I arrived, and I took some time to roll my shoulders and loosen up some of the tension. I was washing my hands a few minutes later when I heard several voices. I looked up in time to see my cousin Juan come into the bathroom with two guys I didn't recognize, but suspected were friends of Emilio's.

"Uh oh, boys. Better not get your dicks out or Carlos will want to suck them," Juan said with a sneer. One guy laughed awkwardly. The other guy went straight to the urinal to take care of business. I dried my hands on a towel and left the bathroom without a word.

The formal dances were over and there were two long lines at the bar. The head table was empty and most of the wedding party were on the dance floor. The table where Julio had been sitting was also empty. It took me almost an hour to find him because I was stopped by several relatives. A couple of them didn't know about my relationship with Julio but were congratulatory and if they had any negative feelings about it, they didn't let them show. Juan's sister Bianca had heard about my parents' reactions and about Mariana smacking my mother. She offered her smacking services should I need them. Grandma Rosa's sister Eva stopped me and told me she was praying for my soul. She said it kindly and didn't elaborate on whether she meant because I was gay or just in general, but I figured I'd done enough shit in both lives that I could probably use it.

I found Julio out on the dance floor with a friend of Lucy's. He was smiling and talking while they danced, seeming unphased by the people drinking around him. He was in his element, even in semi-hostile territory. Relieved to see him doing well, I slipped out the side door and stood outside in the fresh air. The weather was cooler than usual for July in North Jersey but had been perfect for the wedding. A couple dozen other people were sitting around tables on the patio and several kids were playing in the grass. I spotted Sofia sitting at one of the tables watching her youngest two kids chase each other.

"Looks like he recovered," I commented, nodding towards Milo in the yard.

"Julio talked to him during the wedding and got him giggling. He was fine by the time the ceremony was over."

"He's good at that."

"I really like Julio. I'm glad I've gotten to know him this weekend," she said. "I felt terrible when he told us he's a recovering alcoholic and we'd been drinking in front of him all weekend."

"He doesn't like to tell people right away because he doesn't want that to be the early impression of him and he doesn't want people to feel like they can't drink if he's around. He's been sober almost nine years. I'm very proud of him."

"He's proud of you too. He was telling us all about your business and how you're hoping to expand into other states. We asked if you might come back to New Jersey, but he said you needed to wait to see if you got this school contract before you decided on your next move."

I bit back a smile at Julio's ability to offer a partial truth without being obviously vague. I owed him the sexual favor of his choice tonight.

"I've been looking at Trenton as a possible New Jersey location," I told her. "I'm hoping to get into bigger cities like Atlanta and Miami one day. Setting up in mid-sized markets like Trenton and Columbus can help me work towards that. But like Julio said, I need to see how the school contract pans out before I move forward."

"I hope it works out. It would be nice to have you close," she said. She picked up her cup and grimaced when she saw it was empty. "Can you watch the kids for a few minutes? I need the bathroom and another drink."

Sofia told the kids to listen to me and promised to be back soon. Milo tried to take advantage of his mother's absence to pull his sister's hair again but thought better of it when he saw my expression. Jessica and one of Lucy's nieces joined the kids in the yard and the four of them started kicking a soccer ball around. Sofia had been gone about ten minutes when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. I thought for a second it was Tony coming to take over the kid watch. I was surprised to find my father standing there looking at me. I turned my attention back to the kids and hoped he would leave. He took Sofia's seat and continued to stare at me.

"How are you?" he asked hesitantly.

"What do you care?"

"You're my son."

"Am I? You haven't even acknowledged my existence for the last four years."

Dad rested his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. I ran my thumb over the back of my wedding band in an effort to ground myself and focused my attention on the kids like my life depended on it.

"I didn't know how to handle it," he said quietly after a minute. "I was in shock. Your mother was so upset. I didn't know what to say to make it better."

I said nothing, praying to any and all gods that might exist that he would just leave.

"I couldn't speak up against your mother because I was afraid I'd lose her. But I couldn't speak out against you either."

"You were willing to lose me, but not her. Got it."

"I didn't want to lose either of you. I just—I didn't know what was the right thing to do," he said.

"I don't care, Dad. I gave up on you a while ago," I said, watching as Lucy's niece tried to do cartwheels in the grass.

"Carlos, please," he pleaded. "I messed up—"

"You didn't mess up. You turned your back on me," I shot back. "At least I knew where Mom stood. You didn't say a damn word. Anytime my name came up, you left the room or changed the subject. That hurt worse than what she did."

Dad closed his eyes in pain and hung his head. "I'm sorry, Carlos," he whispered.

I stood up and walked over to the kids, where Milo and Jessica were now fighting over the soccer ball. I took the ball from them and gave it to one of the other kids. I glanced back at the table and saw my father watching us. It felt like I was being pulled apart internally. The fifteen-year-old boy he had driven straight from juvenile detention to Miami wanted to knock him on his ass. The man who had enjoyed a happy adult relationship with him wanted to forgive him and go back to the way things had been in another life. But I had lived almost fifty years and knew things were never that black and white.

I almost collapsed in relief when I saw Sofia come back to the table with her new drink. I walked past the table and towards her.

"I had to break up a fight over the ball, but they were fine otherwise," I said as I passed her. I didn't turn around when she called my name but headed straight for the ballroom.

I was glad to find Julio sitting alone at his table. He was scrolling on his phone and looked up when I approached. "I was wondering where you were," he said.

"I'd gone to the bathroom, talked to some people, and then went outside after I saw you were dancing," I said, taking her seat. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he stressed. "How are you doing? You look pissed off."

"I am. My father came to talk to me."

Julio's eyebrows shot up. "What did he say?"

"He apologized and said he didn't know how to handle it. That he didn't want to speak against my mother or me, so he just didn't say anything."

Julio snorted derisively. "What did you say?"

"That I don't care."

We didn't need to acknowledge the size of that particular lie.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"What would you do?"

Julio let out a laugh and shook his head. He watched people on the dance floor doing the Cupid Shuffle. "I'm not the person to ask. You know I'm all fucked up when it comes to my dad."

"That's why you're the perfect person to ask."

Julio chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I need a cigarette. Let's go outside."

Thankfully the designated smoking area was in a different area from where I'd left my father and Sofia. There were a handful of people smoking and talking, most with drinks in hand. We sat down at a table furthest away from the others and Julio pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He lit one up and took a long drag from it. I could practically feel the nicotine flowing through his veins. He must have known how I was feeling because he held it out for me.

"If my dad told me he was sorry for what he said and meant it, I think I'd be stupid enough to forgive him," Julio said as I blew out a puff of smoke.

"You think I should forgive my dad?"

"No, but I'll have your back no matter what you decide."

"This affects you too. I won't have people in our lives who won't treat you right," I replied, absentmindedly putting the cigarette in my mouth.

"Same here. I won't stand by and watch your family treat you like shit. I haven't talked to your parents or Rosa because you aren't talking to them, and I want to be respectful of Emilio and Lucy. But if you decide to forgive them and they start that shit up again, I won't hold back."

I heard the unmistakable sound of Mariah Carey's Fantasy coming from the ballroom as I thought about what my father had said. Julio pulled out another cigarette and lit up, and I was about to comment on how quickly he had smoked the first cigarette when I realized it was still in my hand and smoked almost to the filter. I stubbed it out in the ash tray.

"It's a moot point since I don't know how my mother feels, and I can't exactly have one of them involved and not the other," I said. "Even if she feels the same way, I don't know if I can do it."

"You don't have to decide now. But I think if your dad is willing to apologize, that probably means your mom is too. Especially since he said he didn't want to speak out against her."

I hadn't considered that, but it didn't make me feel better. I was tempted to ask for another cigarette but resisted the urge. I hadn't smoked a whole cigarette like that since before I joined the Army, and I couldn't get into the habit now. Julio was about finished with his when Grandma appeared.

"I figured I would find you out here," she said, taking a seat at the table. "How are you?" she asked me. "I feel like I haven't seen much of you this weekend."

I shrugged. "I'll be glad to go home tomorrow."

"I heard Javier telling Lola he tried to talk to you. Good for you not letting him off the hook."

I almost groaned. I couldn't talk to one more person about my parents right now. "I'm going for a walk," I said, standing up. "I'll be back in a little bit."

Harmony Hills had walking paths through the various gardens, and I headed into the nearest one. A sign posted by the entrance talked about the types of plants grown there and who had started the garden. I gave it a cursory glance before moving on. I spent half an hour wandering through a maze of bushes, koi ponds, and statues, trying desperately to think about anything but my parents. Moans and grunts were coming from behind a row of bushes at the end of the garden, so I turned around to go back to the mansion. It was almost time for the fireworks to start, which meant Julio and I could leave soon.

The crowd was gathered in the yard where the kids had been playing earlier. More chairs had been brought outside. Some people had chosen to sit on the grass, others were standing. I walked through the crowd until I found Julio and Grandma. Julio was sitting with Celia's family on the ground waiting for fireworks and Grandma was in a chair next to them. I sat down next to Julio while Celia and Andres dealt with tired and wired children.

"Feeling any better?" Julio muttered.

"A little," I said. "I'm ready to go after the fireworks if you are."

He nodded as the sound of explosions began and the night sky was filled with various colors and shapes. The kids squealed with delight and the photographer had Emilio and Lucy posing to take pictures of them with the fireworks in the background.

"I'm going to take your last name," Julio whispered in my ear.

"Really?" I hadn't been expecting that. I'd never thought about either of us changing our names.

"Yeah. All the Garcia men are shitty husbands and fathers, so they can keep the damn name. I want us both to have the same last name as our kids and I don't want to them with a hyphenated last name. So I'm becoming a Manoso."

Something about the idea of him taking my last name as his own got to me. Maybe it was the emotionally draining weekend or the general mood at a wedding but hearing him say that filled me with emotions I didn't have the words to express. I leaned over and kissed him, not caring which of my disapproving family members might be watching. He was my husband, and I wasn't going to be ashamed of being affectionate with him around family and friends. I smiled at him and turned back to the fireworks feeling lighter than I had all weekend. I was always amazed at what he managed to do to me.

We said our goodbyes to my siblings and Grandma once the fireworks were over and headed towards the valet. It took nearly half an hour for our car to arrive because half the group seemed to be leaving at the same time.

"I want real breakfast tomorrow, not whatever shit they serve downstairs," Julio said once we were back in our room. "Let's check out early and hit up that place in Newark you took me to when I was here last time."

"Sounds good to me," I said. I reached inside my jacket pocket for the tie I'd taken off earlier in the evening and was surprised to find an envelope. The venue's crest was embossed in the bottom left corner and my name was written across the front in a familiar handwriting. My mother's.

I stared at the envelope and debated whether to open it or throw it away. After rejecting my father's attempt at an apology, I had no idea if she was going to attempt her own apology, scold me for not accepting his, or lecture me again on how wrong my relationship was to God.

"What's that?" Julio asked as he unbuttoned his shirt.

"A letter from my mother. She slipped it in my jacket pocket at some point, probably when I left it on the back of my chair."

"Are you going to read it?"

"I don't know. Not sure I want to, especially if it's a lecture."

"What if it's an apology?"

I shrugged and continued to stare down at the envelope.

"Do you want me to read it?" he offered.

I nodded and handed it to him. "You'll know if I'm interested in what it says."

I finished getting undressed while Julio read the letter. It was only the front side of one page, so she had been brief.

"I think you'll want to read it," he said, holding it out to me. I accepted the paper and sat down next to him.

Carlos,

I've been trying to find the words for what I need to say, but I'm at a loss because the apology I owe you is too long and important for a letter. I understand your anger at your father when he tried to apologize. And I accept that you might never be able to forgive us. I've been learning a lot in the last couple of years. About myself, life, God, and the world in general. Celia said your flight leaves at two-thirty tomorrow, and I know it isn't a lot of time, but I hoped you might stop by the house before you leave so we can talk. If you're willing. I hope you are but understand if you aren't. No matter what happens, I'll take the regret of how I've treated you to my grave. I love you, Carlos.

Mama

I hadn't felt this angry since I was sixteen years old. I didn't know I was still capable of it. What the hell were my parents doing to me? Did they enjoy torturing me? Did they think by doing this the weekend of Emilio's wedding that I would just let it all go?

"What do you want to do?" Julio asked.

I wanted to put my fist through a wall and break every piece of furniture in the room. I wanted to shake my mother and ask her what the hell she'd been thinking. And I also wanted to go straight to her house, hug her, and tell her I forgave her.

Instead, I got up and threw the letter in the trash.

"Nothing," I said.