THE NOTEBOOK

[Not really an episode-specific fic; just a little bit of teenage drama scene filler goop I imagine could have been happening at various points in S1. (aka, the one where Finn is paying way too much attn to rachel's notebook doodles)]

. . . . .

Rachel Berry loves her notebooks. And her folders. And her colorful pens and her star stickers in every shade of the rainbow.

And apparently, she loves Finn Hudson.

At least, that's the impression he'd gotten from seeing the doodles on her notebooks and folders and even on a random homework paper which she'd thought she'd scribbled out enough that nobody could tell what had once been written. But he knew.

He knew because she just couldn't seem to stop doodling his name or his initials or THEIR names combined... it was like a weird obsession of hers.

Even before he joined glee, in the first couple weeks at the very start of the school year in their shared English class, he'd walked past her front row desk a couple different times and couldn't help but notice the FH letters circled in neon pink hearts in the margin. At first he thought it was some weird new grading system or something, which made no sense because he knew Rachel was too smart to get anything lower than an A- for a grade. She'd tried to cover her doodles and he thinks she's sure she was fast enough to hide it before he saw – but she wasn't. So unless she knows a Fred Hooper or some other bozo with his same initials, he's pretty sure she's scribbling HIS moniker all the time.

It was weird. It kinda creeped him out a little. As if her secret notebook art wasn't enough, then sometimes he'd catch her staring at him. When he did, she'd quickly shift her eyes or turn her head. She wasn't at all subtle really (he thinks that's the right word). And when their eyes would meet for that split second or two he'd smile awkwardly, just to be polite and maybe defuse the discomfort of it all... but honestly, if Quinn ever saw that crap going down there'd be hell to pay (probably on his end as much as on Rachel's).

He kinda wished she'd just stop. Stop staring, stop doodling, just STOP.

When he got roped into joining glee club – oh my god – it just got WORSE. Now instead of small doodles on a dog-eared corner of a page, he walked past her desk one day and saw a shameless FULL-PAGE SPREAD. Giant hearts in every color of ink in her pencil box (and really, who carries those around anymore?) – her name written as Rachel Hudson. Mr and Mrs F and R Hudson. Finn Forever. HudsonBerry. BerryHudson. It was seriously over the top and freaking him out.

The staring got worse too and now included these ravenously hungry-looking shark-toothy smiles. He was starting to check his closets and under his bed before going to sleep at night. He even cautiously peeked in the stalls in the boys' restroom at school a few times just to be sure the coast was clear so he could whip it out and take a leak.

Schuester was a really funny guy, too... or maybe Rachel had him working in cahoots with her to keep them as close together as possible. Schue started pairing them up in glee on these really mushy lovey-dovey songs. Look, he didn't mind the glee stuff. He enjoyed the singing, and the dancing. Rachel's voice was damn phenomenal, and he actually admired her talent like nobody's business. The girl could sing like the Colonel could make chicken. And so what if he caught himself popping a woody from time to time while dancing with her? Like, he can't control those things all the time, and when Schue makes him pull awkward dance moves that sometimes accidentally get him a little side boob action, it's bound to happen, right?

But it's weird because they're kind of like, friends now. And she keeps doodling his name and his initials in her notebooks. And he still has Quinn and football and basketball and video games and popularity and celibacy club... Crap. Yeah THAT club. Look, the only good thing about celibacy club was that it seemed to confirm his girlfriend wasn't putting out for ANYONE much less himself. And it made her happy when he participated with her, and happy Quinn = extra make-out time for Finn. So it kinda worked out and he didn't mind attending (much)... until the day Rachel Berry joined the club.

Rachel Berry and her big brown eyes and her bigger ideas about teen sex. Planting seeds in his head. Making him NOTICE her sexy ass and sexier legs – as if he wasn't already starting to have wet dreams courtesy of those side-boob-brushing dance moves in glee. He's pretty sure he's been not only allowed but ENCOURAGED to touch more of Rachel's body than he ever has of Quinn's.

And Rachel's body is SMOKIN'.

So y'know, he finally decides if she likes him enough to wanna scribble out her fantasies and whatever in his notebook, it's kinda cool.

Then it happened one day when he least expected it... he KISSED HER. Rachel. Rachel Notebook Doodlin' Berry. Pinned her to the goddamn stage floor and kissed the hell out of her... or more like, she kissed it right out of him, considering his engine went from zero to 100 in 5 seconds flat. Whatever magic potion she spiked his drink with, it was like some crazy aphrodisiac... or maybe it was just her mouth. Those full, pouty lips. He's dreamed about those lips a lot – way more than he'd ever admit out loud. And that kiss was definitely boner-inducing. If he hadn't had to detour for a change of shorts, there's a real possibility he would've gotten more than just SIDE boob action – not to mention, the girl wore the shortest skirt known to mankind and he got a peek at her panties when she was shifting around on the floor and... Jesus.

He knows he sounds like a perv, but this girl has been inching her way into his head like a disease for a long time, and he's pretty sure he has a fatal case of Rachel Berry Fever now. It seems pretty incurable. The more he's gotten to know her, the more he WANTS to know. The more he gets to touch or taste, the more he NEEDS it. He just... he's becoming obsessed. Or possessed. Or some kind of ESSED.

She organized that Push It routine and all he could think of the whole time they rehearsed was whether he should bring his cup with him to wear during the actual pep rally performance and whether it would hinder his singing. And also he randomly wondered if Rachel would notice him wearing his cup and ask questions about it.

Then he kissed her and had serious second thoughts about everything in his life. It was like one of those life-changing self-awareness moments he guessed you could call an epiphany. He was falling for that girl, HARD.

. . . . .

It didn't matter though. Sweet Rachel kisses, and cute FHRB doodles and side-boob brushes and awesome romance filled duets where they could stare into each other's eyes... none of it mattered. His initials got replaced.

They got replaced when he found out he was gonna be a teenage father. Which totally sucked and was ruining his life, and now he was stuck with Quinn... but as bad as THAT whole baby thing was, there was this almost equally bad feeling when he started seeing NPRB surrounded by red hearts in her notebook paper margins. It took a little while until he deduced who NP was and he still wouldn't believe it if he hadn't seen the things he'd seen.

She wasn't staring at HIM anymore. Now she was walking down the hall on the arm of his BEST FRIEND! What the actual hell was that all about?! Puck never liked Rachel! Puck used to target Rachel in drive-by eggings. But suddenly he and Rachel were an item? Just because Finn couldn't kiss her anymore didn't mean he was okay with his so-called best friend standing in as his lip double.

But maybe it was for the best. He was gonna end up having to work like 100 hours a week for the rest of his life to support a family and keep his kid fed and his cranky blonde girlfriend happy (and he supposed they'd have to get married too, which was also gonna suck). He was destined to be a Lima Loser now, so he might as well saddle up and get used to the idea of seeing other people kiss his dream girl... that didn't mean he had to be happy about it though.

. . . . .

His doodles were finally restored when she found out the truth and helped release him from his ball and chain and showed him there could be a life beyond Lima Loserdom. It also released him from two Saturday's worth of time he could've otherwise spent doing ANYTHING other than going to detention. Okay he KNOWS fighting is a punishable offense – but if Figgins had ever been betrayed the way he had been by his so-called girlfriend and his so-called best friend, maybe he wouldn't be so quick to dole out detention for punching a guy in the face.

But at least it's HIS name in her notebook doodles again, and he could've been suspended instead of getting detention, so he'll just suck it up and deal with it.

. . . . .

Her fantasy doodles seemed to move from her notebook to her chest without warning and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. More specifically, his entire NAME migrated from loopy pink and purple ink on paper to giant bold face letters on her SHIRT. A shirt she wore to his basketball game.

Alright, the kissing thing had resumed for a couple weeks, and he was actually pretty happy to be hanging out with her outside of school. Especially when she brought him cookies and banana bread. Rachel was a good friend, and she did everything in her power to nurse his bruised ego and get him back on his feet. But somewhere in between the kissing and the cookies, she whipped up this cat calendar and his doodles went from a secret in her notebook to penciled in with dates and plans and expectations... and it was meant to be on display in his locker for the world to see.

He already slid about 20 rungs down the popularity ladder over the cheating-lying-not-your-baby-having girlfriend thing – then kinda fell off the ladder entirely when everyone found out it was really Puck's kid. Rachel, well, she was a soft spot to land at the time. She kept him distracted. But to just up and start calling her his girlfriend right then, it didn't feel right. It's not because he was embarrassed about being affiliated with her, not really, it's more because girls just kind of sucked. His heart and head were just... a bucket of fish food now or whatever. And he just.. He needed a break. But he liked her secret I️FH notebook doodles.

The minute he said he DIDN'T like her cat calendar though seemed to erase his name from her notebook, her tee shirts and her heart all in one fell swoop. And that sucked too.

. . . . .

Replaced again, this time by a male version of Rachel from another school and a complete DOUCHEBAG. Puck's kind of a douche, but he's also his lifelong friend and he can find a way to deal with and accept him. But this guy? This arrogant prick from Carmel – CARMEL! Home of their competition! – that's a prick he doesn't HAVE to get used to or learn to deal with. That ass-hat can just take a long walk off a short pier and forget he ever met Rachel.

But now he has to see Rachel Barbra St Berry scrawled in the margins of the English notes she loans him and JSJ4Ever and R .+. J = LOVE. It makes his skin crawl. It makes the palms of his fists itch with the desire to be balled up and creating the satisfying crunching sounds of jawbones, teeth and noses crumbling under their force.

He misses being featured in her doodles. He's not sure how he's gonna do it yet, but his damn letters are gonna start showing up in gold and purple glitter on her Glee sheet music again one day. They just are. He doesn't give up that easily.

. . . . .

If he'd known it was gonna be this hard to unscrew things later, he'd never have rejected the cat calendars. On the plus side though, it only took a spy, an awesome Rick Springfield serenade, some eggs, an inspired pep talk about winning regionals and the most perfect Journey duet in the world to get her back AND to restore his rightful place in the margins of her schoolwork.

She giggled at him the first time she saw 'Finn ️❤️s Rach' doodled in his notebook. Actually, he'd drawn it in permanent black ink on the cover of every one of his notebooks. She was so tickled when he let her add gold star stickers around his doodles on his notebook cover art that the make-out sessions he earned were worth the funny looks and comments he started getting from the guys over his 'sparkly' notebooks. Whatever. He was back to kissing those sweet lips on the regular and it was worth all of it.

The most important thing was, he knew from now on, his initials would be the ONLY ones in her notebook, just like hers were in his. Just like hers were written on his heart too, only preceded by the words 'property of' – and he was pretty sure it would stay that way forever.

. . . . .

~F️❤️R~