Dallas, Texas
May 1979
Sick and shaky in Pamela's arms, Sue Ellen hadn't noticed JR arriving home. Relief washed over her when she realised he was there, until he asked Pam to watch little John and guided her down the hall into their bedroom to talk.
"Darlin', I want to understand what happened," he said gently.
"I can't talk about it."
She didn't want to, and she didn't think she could handle it. Just thinking about it made her feel sick; saying it out loud might actually make her sick.
"If I list out what I'm thinking, could you nod yes or shake your head no?" JR asked.
"Maybe."
She didn't want to do that either, but he had come home early, looking determined to find out what was going on. Maybe she owed him some answers.
"Tell me to stop whenever. Did daddy touch you?"
Hearing the question, she turned away from him, walking over to the window.
"Sue Ellen, did he ask if he could touch you?"
Assuming her answer, JR moved on when she nodded yes.
"Did you say yes?"
"That's hard to say. I didn't want it."
Her whisper was barely audible. The memory weakened her. Jock had asked if he could touch her, but his questions had never been genuine; he'd always had an agenda and intended to do exactly as he did.
"Did he understand that you didn't want it?"
She shook her head no, holding onto the window frame for support. Her resistance hadn't mattered, and that was the hardest part to admit.
"Why not?"
"JR, please."
"I'll leave that one. Was anyone else around?"
"No."
Jock knew what he was doing, going after what he wanted and making sure it was his word against hers. There was a reason he'd targeted her while JR was away, and a reason she'd needed Pamela with her now.
"Where did he touch you? Your back?"
She nodded, wishing it had stopped there.
"Over your nightgown?"
Shaking her head no, she heard the change in JR's tone with his next question.
"Under your nightgown?"
She nodded again, feeling faint.
"Did he touch you anywhere besides your back?"
He sure had. She remembered too much, though there were things she'd purposely blocked out.
"Did you ask him not to?"
"Of course I did!"
Disgusted by his implication, she spun around sharply, her voice rising in response to what he seemed to be suggesting.
"Sue Ellen, I'm just trying to understand."
"JR, he didn't just touch me. If only it were that simple."
She knew things now she shouldn't have, and so did Jock. This wasn't some innocent backrub; he'd crossed every line of their pre-existing relationship and common decency.
"Did he force himself on you?"
Hearing JR ask so directly was too much. He had to know by now what had happened, but he kept pushing, demanding a confirmation she wasn't strong enough to give.
"How?"
"JR."
"When?"
"JR, please."
"How many times?"
"I can't."
Lightheaded, she would've hit the floor if he hadn't caught her, but she found no comfort in his arms.
"He's a dead man."
"JR, no."
His tone was serious, but his priorities were all wrong. She was hurt, and all he could think about was revenge.
"You're my wife, and even if you weren't…"
"JR, I'm going to…"
She tried to warn him, but she didn't have the time or strength to finish before it all came crashing down. Whether she pushed him away or he let go in shock, she couldn't say, but she was on the floor a second later. Moments after that, the nausea she'd been battling became overwhelming. She'd never been sick on herself, not as a child, not in college, not when expecting little John, but there was a first time for everything, and this was it.
"JR, I just heard from Pamela that you've taken Sue Ellen and aren't coming back. That you've asked her to take little John and keep him for a few days. What happened?"
Holding the phone to his ear, JR could hear the worry in his mama's voice. He had little energy left to comfort her.
"Mama, you need to talk to daddy. Start by asking him where his split lip came from."
"Excuse me? JR, what are you talking about? What does your daddy have to do with this?"
"He hurt my wife. Repeatedly. And he's damn lucky I don't think I'd survive in prison, because if I could, he'd be a dead man."
"JR!"
Her gasp was horrified, but she had several more revelations coming that would shock her even worse.
"No, Mama. Go see your husband and find out what sort of man he is. I'll take care of my wife."
He hung up and took a moment to collect his thoughts before heading back into the condo bedroom to see Sue Ellen.
"Doc, will she be okay?"
"Physically, she'll recover. The shaking, nausea, vomiting, and dizziness aren't permanent. They're symptoms of her psychological state. But how deep her trauma goes, that's beyond my expertise."
"I understand."
"I haven't sedated Mrs Ewing because I don't think it's wise, considering her medical history, the medications she's currently on, and this nonclinical setting. What I believe she needs is psychological help. Mrs Ewing mentioned she's been a patient at Brooktree Psychiatric before. I think they might be able to assist her again, and we've discussed a voluntary admission."
"I think that's wise."
"I'll make the arrangements. You'll likely get a call later this evening."
"Thank you."
JR and the doctor were whispering, as if she were asleep and they didn't want to disturb her. But she wasn't sleeping, and at this point, nothing much could faze her. She'd gotten through the difficult task of telling JR what had happened, but it hadn't brought her any relief. The idea of stepping off the balcony still tempted her, promising a kind of peace she was desperate for. But that would have to wait, she wasn't alone yet.