Chapter 25: Monkey Business

Ace Ventura strutted into the Edge City Zoo like he owned the place, arms swinging dramatically and eyes scanning the surroundings with exaggerated intensity. A few zoo patrons turned their heads, whispering as they recognized him—the infamous Pet Detective. Ace loved the attention.

Melissa was already waiting near Caesar's enclosure, arms crossed, exhaling sharply as Ace finally approached.

"You're late," she said.

Ace scoffed. "Punctuality is a construct designed by those who lack the ability to make an entrance." He struck a pose.

Melissa shook her head. "Can we please focus? Caesar is missing, and I don't have time for your theatrics."

Ace gasped. "No time for theatrics? Melissa, my dear, that's like saying a penguin has no time for ice!"

As if on cue, a nearby penguin honked in agreement.

Ignoring him, Melissa led him to the scene of the crime—the now-empty enclosure where Caesar once resided. The habitat was well-maintained, surrounded by thick glass walls and various climbing structures. A few nervous zookeepers stood nearby, glancing at Ace like he was about to start juggling flamingos.

"Now—before we get down to business, I believe you have something of mine that I want," Ace made mention, holding his hand out.

Melissa seemed confused. "And what would that be?" she asked, looking down at his hand.

"My mask," Ace continued, acting as if it should have been obvious.

"Oh, that old thing," Melissa replied nonchalantly. "I forgot it back at my place. But don't worry, I'll give you back your outdated Halloween mask as soon as we are finished here."

"Ree-hee-healy?" Ace mused. "It's not a Halloween mask, though it would make a good one. No, it is a mask of great importance," he added in serious fashion.

"Okay—okay. I'll get it back to you when we are done. I promise. I'm sorry I forgot it," Melissa apologized.

"Alrighty then," Ace retorted. He then knelt down, running his fingers over the dirt floor, then dramatically sniffed it.

"Still fresh," he murmured.

Melissa frowned. "What's fresh?"

"The mystery," he said, snapping his fingers. "Now, let's find us a clue, my dear Watson."

He began moving around the enclosure in a bizarre interpretive dance, stopping occasionally to inspect the ground with a magnifying glass he pulled from his pocket. At one point, he dangled upside down from a tree branch like a sloth.

"Are you seriously—"

"Shhh!" Ace held up a finger. "I'm—in the zone."

Suddenly, something glinted near the feeding station. Ace somersaulted toward it, landing in a dramatic crouch. He plucked up a small plastic rectangle and examined it.

"Aha! A name tag!" He held it up triumphantly.

Melissa leaned in. "Carl Withers… Never heard of him."

Ace dramatically dusted off the name tag and squinted at it. "Melissa, my inquisitive friend, this is no ordinary zoo staff badge. Look at the logo—Gen-Sys Biotechnology."

Melissa's face twisted in recognition. "Gen-Sys… Wait, that's the research company that—"

"—specializes in genetic modifications and animal intelligence experiments!" Ace finished, grinning. "And if my pet-detecting senses are correct—and let's be honest, they always are—our missing monkey may be tied up in some highly questionable scientific shenanigans."

Melissa sighed. "Please don't say 'monkey.' Caesar is an ape."

Ace rolled his eyes. "Oh, forgive me, Jane Goodall." He turned the badge over. "Looks like Carl Withers has some explaining to do."

Melissa gave him a skeptical look. "And what exactly is your plan?"

Ace grinned mischievously. "Simple! We infiltrate Gen-Sys, uncover their sinister monkey—I mean, APE-related conspiracy, and rescue Caesar from the clutches of evil scientists!"

Melissa rubbed her temples. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Good!" Ace beamed. "That means we're on the right track. Now, let's go make some monkey business—I mean, professional investigative inquiries!"

As he marched toward the exit, he suddenly stopped, turned back, and pointed to a nearby gorilla. "And YOU, sir, look smashing today."

The gorilla gave him a slow, confused blink.

Melissa sighed again. This is going to be a long day.

Just as Ace was about to make his dramatic exit, a commotion erupted from the other primate enclosures. He paused mid-stride, one foot still hovering in the air, as several monkeys began excitedly gesturing at him through the glass.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ace turned on his heel and pointed at them. "You fellas got something to say?"

Melissa raised an eyebrow. "Ace, they're not—"

"Shh!" He waved a hand dismissively. "Let the witnesses speak!"

A particularly lively orangutan smacked the glass and started rapidly signing. Ace narrowed his eyes, nodding along as if he were deciphering an ancient prophecy.

"Hmmm… I see, I see… Ah, fascinating."

Melissa sighed. "What are they saying?"

Ace turned to her, lips pressed in a thin line. "I'd rather not say."

A chimpanzee started enthusiastically signing next to the orangutan, grinning the entire time.

Ace groaned, rubbing his face. "Oh, come on, guys! You're embarrassing me in front of my… ex!"

Melissa folded her arms. "What? What are they saying?"

Ace let out a deep sigh before reluctantly translating. "They said—and I quote—'Ooooh, big man still loooooves lady zookeeper!'" He rolled his eyes. "Very mature, guys."

Melissa smirked. "Really?"

"Pfft. I mean, who even listens to monkeys?" Ace scoffed.

The orangutan pounded on the glass to get his attention and signed again.

Ace's face twitched. "He says, 'You get all sweaty when you look at her.'"

Melissa grinned. "Is that so?"

Ace spun toward the monkeys, pointing dramatically. "You know what? You're all just jealous! Because you'll never know the pain of human heartbreak! You and your happy little jungle soap opera of picking fleas off each other and flinging poop when arguments get heated." He waved them off. "Must be nice."

The chimp signed something else.

Melissa squinted. "What did he say now?"

Ace sighed again. "He said, 'You wanna groom her like a mate.'"

Melissa burst out laughing. "Wow. Even they can tell."

Ace dramatically turned toward the monkeys, throwing up his arms. "Okay, you know what? This interrogation is over! You're all very nosy and rude, and I do not need relationship advice from a bunch of hairy matchmakers!"

The orangutan signed one last thing, and Ace let out a defeated groan.

"What?" Melissa asked, still amused.

Ace muttered under his breath, "He said, 'You should just kiss her already.'"

Melissa chuckled. "Well, they are some of the smartest chimps in the world."

Ace scoffed. "Yeah? Well, tell them that if they don't start minding their own business, I'm gonna come back here with a banana costume and haunt their dreams."

The monkeys erupted into excited chatter, as if they were laughing at him.

Shaking his head, Ace turned to Melissa. "Can we please go now? Before I lose an argument to a primate?"

Melissa smirked. "Lead the way… lover boy."

Ace groaned loudly, stomping toward the exit while the monkeys continued to hoot and holler behind him. When Ace looked back, the monkeys were thrusting their hips, imitating what Ace wanted to do to Melissa.

Ace scoffed and muttered, "She wishes."

To be continued...