Midway through Monday morning, Liv was sat at her desk checking over the DD5s before she signed over the case to Barba, when she heard a knock at her office door. "Come in," she called and the door opened, revealing Amanda carrying two take out cups. "Rollins," Liv smiled, pleasantly surprised, "what can I do for you?"
"Thought you could use some real coffee," the blonde replied with an answering smile, holding out one of the cups to the lieutenant. "How was CompStat on Friday?"
Liv accepted the proffered cup with a word of thanks and took a sip. With a hum of satisfaction, she looked back at the detective. "Oh you know, the usual. We aren't closing enough cases and we cost the Brass too much money because of all the over time we require to get the job done. When I pointed out we wouldn't need as much overtime if we were fully staffed, they promptly shut up. Hopefully that means we might actually get a new detective sometime soon."
"Sounds about right," the blonde smiled wryly, "It seems so backwards that we answer to a bunch of men that haven't done any real police work since at least the nineties, and probably wouldn't even know where to start on an SVU case. I wonder how quickly they would be able to close one of our cases, how much overtime do you think they'd need?"
Olivia's only response to that question was to raise her eyebrows in a way that said my thoughts exactly. "Anyway Rollins, you didn't just come in here to listen to me bitch and moan. What's up?"
"Well it's actually sorta related to what we were talking about," Amanda suddenly looked a bit nervous, looking at her feet as she prodded the carpet with the toe of her boot. "I wanted to ask you if there was any overtime available, and if there is any, could I have it? I could really use the money."
Liv looked at her sharply, her dark eyebrow arched in an unasked question. Given Amanda's history of gambling, she instantly felt alarm bells going off in her head.
"I'm not gambling again," the blonde responded quickly, "although I don't blame you for jumping to that conclusion." She finished, a slight bitter tone in her voice.
"I'm sorry, Amanda," Liv apologised quickly, "I shouldn't make assumptions. I just worry. Is everything okay?"
"It's fine," she said, hesitantly, and Olivia sensed that the blonde wasn't being entirely truthful. "I just, um, got a letter from my landlord telling me that there is gonna be a rent increase, and seeing as I'm still paying off my debts, money is already pretty tight. Any extra I could get would be useful."
Liv nodded slowly, considering. "Well as I said before, the department is cracking down on overtime, but if we need it, I'm not going to deny it. I'll try to give you first refusal, but I don't want you working ridiculous hours okay? You need to take care of yourself Amanda."
Amanda nodded and smiled, "thank you, Liv."
Looking closely at her blonde detective, she could see that the younger woman already looked pretty tired, her skin seemed pale and her face slightly drawn. Liv stood and rounded her desk perching on the front corner of it, just a couple of feet from where Amanda stood. "So how are things? I know it's been stressful since Nick left. Are you still managing to get to meetings?"
In the past, Amanda would have baulked at a question like this. Over the weeks she had been spending time with Olivia and Noah, however, she had started to open up more to the brunette. So she now found it quite easy to speak candidly about her addiction with the older woman. Olivia, in turn, had opened up about her mother's alcoholism and the impact it had on her own childhood. Both had developed an appreciation for the effect it had on the other, and had grown closer as a result.
"I'm not getting to as many meetings as I used to, but I'm doing okay." She answered honestly, "I did go to one last night though, I had to get this." She held up a small gold coloured token, a bit like a poker chip, with the number 10 stamped into its centre. "Ten months sober, as of yesterday." She smiled proudly.
Olivia stood and hugged the blonde quickly. "Congratulations, Manda. I know how hard you've worked to get this far. I'm so proud of you." She smiled warmly, genuinely pleased for her detective.
"Thanks." Amanda blushed at the praise, but returned the hug, feeling an odd thrill at the older woman's touch. "Well, I better get back to work," she backed towards the office door, "you don't pay me to just stand here chattin' to you."
"Of course. But Amanda?" Liv called, "you know where I am if you need anything okay? Even if it's just to talk."
"I know, thanks Liv." Amanda smiled and left the office, closing the door behind her.
-x-
The next few days went by fairly quickly, without any major incidents. On Thursday morning, Liv received a phone call with details of a new case. She made her way out to the squad room and looked around, confused when she couldn't immediately spot the distinctive golden mane of her female detective.
"Where's Rollins?" She asked Fin, who was sat at his desk, shuffling through papers, looking for the ones he needed.
He looked up, glancing at Amanda's empty desk. "Not sure, bathroom maybe? She's been in and out all mornin'." As he said this, the missing blonde appeared in the doorway to the bullpen. Liv thought she looked pale, almost green, and there was a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.
"Manda, are you okay?" Liv asked, concern colouring her tone. She knew Amanda tended to drink more when she got stressed, and the whole team had been under a lot of pressure lately. But the blonde hadn't turned up to work hungover since her gambling days. Olivia didn't like to think these things about her friend, but she also didn't want her to be suffering.
"M'fine," Amanda smiled weakly as she made her way back to her desk, "I think I might have food poisoning. I knew I shouldn't have eaten those leftovers out of my fridge." She joked, half-heartedly. The morning sickness was getting worse. She had managed to hide it relatively easily so far, but it was really kicking her ass this morning. She hated lying to the team, but she just wasn't ready to tell anybody yet. She hadn't even decided what she was going to do about the baby.
Liv relaxed a little, but was still worried. "If you're sick you shouldn't be here, you should be home resting." She had made her way to Amanda's side now and put a comforting hand on the younger woman's shoulder, trying to make eye contact. Close up, Olivia could see the dark circles that the blonde had tried to disguise with makeup. Amanda seemed entirely focused on the bottle of water she was opening. When she did glance up at her lieutenant, she smiled again. "I'm fine Liv, honestly." She laid her hand over the tanned one that was still on her shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.
Olivia studied her for a few more seconds, but didn't push the issue further. Dropping her hand she said, "we got a vic at Mercy Hospital. Are you up for coming with me? Apparently, she is very shaken up and is refusing to go near any males at the moment. I can go alone if you don't feel up to it?"
"No, I'll go," Amanda stood quickly, taking her jacket from the back of her chair. She looked at Liv, "ready?"
"Yeah," Olivia started slightly at the abrupt movement, "Let's go." With that the two women headed out of the squad room towards the elevators, preparing themselves for their next case.
-x-
The following day was Friday. Olivia had been busy all morning, following up on a lead she had on the case they had picked up the day before. The victim, Victoria James, had told them she knew her attacker. His name was Gregory Woods and he was an ex-boyfriend of hers. He was extremely egotistical and arrogant; therefore he had not taken kindly to being dumped by Victoria a few weeks ago after she had discovered his two other girlfriends. She had contacted them to tell them what a three-timing sleaze-bag Greg was, and all three of them had dumped him.
He had clearly decided it was all Victoria's idea and decided to get revenge by following her home, pushing her into her apartment at gunpoint then beating and raping her. He was now in the wind. When they had tried to find him, they found he hadn't showed up for work and there was no sign of him at home.
Liv set a protective detail on the other two women as a precaution, but so far, he hadn't showed. She had spent the rest of Thursday and Friday morning trying to pin him down. She thought she might finally have caught a break and wanted to tell Amanda about it, but when she walked out into the squad room, she was once again struck by the blonde's absence. Maybe she's gone for coffee, Liv thought to herself.
She figured while she was up, she could do with using the facilities, so she made her way down the corridor to the women's restroom. As she pushed open the door, she heard a gagging, heaving sound followed by a harsh, choking cough. Her eyes pinpointed the only occupied stall as the source of the noise and she froze. Amanda. Not wanting the younger woman to know she had witnessed her throwing up, she silently backed out of the room and closed the door quietly.
She walked back to her office deep in thought. She was worried about Amanda, yesterday she had been sick with food poisoning, but it seemed to have worn off by the afternoon, and the blonde had carried on with her shift as though there was nothing wrong. Now she seemed to be sick again. Very strange.
Never a dull moment, Liv thought wryly to herself, closing her office door and heading over to her desk. First Lucy is pregnant and now Amanda is sick…
Olivia's mind stalled as she came to a sudden realisation. Lucy wasn't the only other woman that had had access to Olivia's apartment last week. Liv had forgotten because she had been so preoccupied with the CompStat meeting, but Amanda had been there too. Amanda who had been sick for at least the last two mornings. Amanda who had asked for overtime because she needed the money. The pregnancy test, it wasn't Lucy's, it was Amanda's. Shit.
Olivia considered her options. She could confront the blonde with her suspicions, but that wouldn't go down very well. If Amanda hadn't said anything yet, she wasn't ready. Liv knew her well enough to know that she would talk when she was ready and not before. If she tried to push her, Amanda would just pull away. So the lieutenant decided to wait for Amanda to come to her. She would keep a watchful eye on the younger woman, but she wouldn't push her to tell her anything. As she came to this conclusion, she saw Amanda re-enter the squad room, again looking pale and sweaty. Olivia gave her a few minutes to compose herself before going to tell her and the guys about the break in the case.