When Olivia got home around 8.30pm that evening, there was nobody in the living room, but the lights were still on and so was the TV, although it was muted. She listened carefully and thought she could hear a low voice speaking quietly, further into the apartment. Abandoning her shoes, coat and bag in the foyer, she walked silently on socked feet towards the source of the sound.
She found herself stood in the doorway of Noah's bedroom, and the sight before her took her breath away.
Amanda sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, Noah on her lap, laid back fully against her chest, his eyes closed. He had one hand on the blonde detective's wrist as she turned the pages of a story book, 'The Tale of Peter Rabbit', while his other hand twisted fingers through his own curls, a sure sign the little boy was tired.
Frannie was laid at Amanda's feet, the woman was using one foot to stroke the fur of the dog's back, and the other to rock the chair gently.
The younger woman glanced up and spotted Olivia stood in the doorway, but never broke the rhythm of her story telling. After a couple more minutes, she had reached the end of the book and Noah's hands had both dropped slackly into his own lap.
Olivia had tears in her eyes, and both hands clasped over her own heart, which felt like it had doubled in size. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "I think he's asleep," she said in barely a whisper as she stepped forward into the room. She lifted the boy carefully from Amanda's lap and snuggled him into her own chest as she turned to his bed. She planted a soft kiss to his forehead and whispered "Goodnight my sweet boy," before laying him in the bed and pulling the covers up over his tiny body.
Frannie hopped up onto the end of his bed as usual, and Amanda planted a quick kiss on the top of Noah's head, then scratched behind the dog's ears, before both women left the room.
"Sorry Liv," Amanda apologised in a low voice as Olivia followed her to the kitchen, where the detective bent down to the oven, pulling out a plate of food she had been keeping warm for her. She placed it on the counter along with a knife and fork, indicating that Liv should sit and eat, then turned and retrieved a glass from the cupboard, pouring Liv some juice from the fridge, and set it down by her plate.
"I sent Lucy home a couple of hours ago." Amanda explained. "It seemed silly having two of us here just for Noah. I hope you don't mind, or think I'm overstepping or anything." She finished with an anxious note in her voice.
"It's fine Manda," Liv said, swallowing a mouthful of macaroni and cheese. "Thank you for this by the way," she pointed to her plate, "it's wonderful."
"Noah enjoyed the macaroni," The blonde grinned, "He wasn't too fussed about the collard greens though."
Liv smirked. "No, I imagine not. Vegetables are a bit of a sticking point with him at the moment."
Amanda rolled her eyes, "when Kim was his age, she wouldn't eat anything that had been on the same plate as something green."
"Don't go giving Noah ideas!" Liv chuckled, taking another mouthful of her meal, Amanda joined in with her laughter. They chatted about the case they had caught earlier that day as Liv finished eating. When she was done, she rinsed her plate, added it to the dishwasher and made tea for the two of them while Amanda got comfortable on the couch.
Bringing the tea into the living room, she put it down on the coffee table and sat herself at the opposite end of the sofa to the blonde. Turning to face the younger woman, she asked, "how are you feeling now?"
Amanda took a deep shaky breath, "I'm not sure," she answered honestly. She looked down at the sonogram photo in her hand, unable to prevent a small smile from gracing her lips. "Still scared. But…" she shook her head slightly, "I can't get rid of this baby Liv, I just can't."
"You don't have to, sweetheart," Liv said, "It's your baby and your body, you do what you want to do."
"But what am I gonna do?" The blonde asked, anxiously. "I'm still payin' off my debts. I have nowhere to live and I'm on my own. How am I supposed to support this baby by myself? Would I even be able to take care of it?"
"You'll be a fantastic mom, Manda, I told you the other day, you're a natural with Noah, and from what I saw tonight, I know you can do this." Olivia placed a reassuring hand on the younger woman's knee. "Honey, I told you, you're welcome to stay at my place as long as you want." Liv chuckled, "I don't think Noah would have it any other way. You saw his reaction last Sunday.".
"Thanks Liv, but I can't take advantage of you like that…" the younger woman protested.
"Look," Liv tried to reason with her stubborn subordinate, "how about this? You stay for a couple of months. You take your time looking for an apartment that's suitable and in the mean time you are saving money for a security deposit for when you find a place." Olivia didn't mention how disappointed she would be when the blonde left. Her apartment had felt more like a home for these past few days while Amanda had been there, than it had since she moved in over two years ago.
Amanda considered Liv's proposal. She supposed it made sense, but she didn't like feeling like a charity case. "If I say yes, it's on the understanding that I pay my way. That means half the rent, utilities and food. I don't want to use you Liv."
"How about we alternate buying groceries?" The brunette suggested. "I'll buy them one week and you the next?"
"Seems fair," Amanda agreed.
"Utilities, we'll talk about later," Liv said, intending to do no such thing. "As for rent, there isn't any."
"What d'ya mean there isn't any?" the blonde asked, confused. "Are you saying you own this place?"
Liv nodded sheepishly.
"Damn!" Rollins exclaimed, "Lieutenants get paid better than I thought! I gotta start workin' up the ranks." She snickered.
With a half-smile, Liv explained, "it's not what you think. When my mom died fifteen years ago, she left me a reasonable amount of money. I didn't need it at the time, the place I was living was rent controlled, I got it for a steal. Anyway, I invested my mom's money in the stock market, with a little guidance from Alex, and made enough to buy this place outright. I figured real estate is a safe investment." She shrugged.
Amanda stared for a moment longer, then said, "fine. But I'm buying the damn groceries. I'm not looking for a free ride here, Liv."
"I know you aren't, Amanda," Olivia reached out and took the smaller woman's hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "I just want you to know that I'm here to help you and support you in any way I can, not just as your boss but as a friend."
She turned then, opening the drawer in the side table next to her, "I almost forgot," she said, pulling out a flat box wrapped in blue and silver striped paper. "Happy birthday," she smiled at the stunned look on Amanda's face as the blonde automatically took the present Liv was holding out to her.
"H-how did you…?" The southern woman stuttered, her face going pink. She never liked to celebrate her birthday, so had never told any of her colleagues in New York when it was. It had mostly been ignored as she grew up, her mamma would sometimes get her a card a week or so after if she sobered up long enough, but nobody had ever given her a birthday gift before.
"I have your personnel file, remember?" Liv smiled, then nodded towards the box, "go ahead, open it. It's not much but I thought you would like it."
With slightly shaky fingers, Amanda carefully unstuck the paper to reveal a navy-blue cardboard box. She gasped and her eyes blurred with tears as she removed the lid and saw what was inside. It was a simple silver photo frame with a picture inside. The picture Liv had taken a couple of weeks ago in the park, the one with Amanda and Noah looking back at the camera, laughing together, both pairs of blue eyes sparkling with obvious joy in the moment. Now Amanda realised where the lieutenant had disappeared to when she briefly left the café that day.
"I know it doesn't compare with that one," Liv said, pointing at the sonogram photo that Amanda had laid on the coffee table. The brunette felt slightly nervous that Amanda hadn't said anything. "I just… I thought it was a cute picture and…oh," her rambling was cut short when Amanda threw her arms around the older woman's neck, pulling her into a hug.
"It's beautiful Liv, thank you so much." She pulled away wiping a tear from her eye, "damn hormones," she laughed. "I'm gonna put it on my desk at work."
"You like it?" Liv asked in a hopeful tone.
"I love it." Amanda confirmed, smiling at the lieutenant. "Thank you, Liv. For everything."
Later that night as Amanda settled in to bed, she laid looking at the picture which she had stood on the nightstand, and the sonogram, which she had propped in front of it. For the first time she could remember, she felt loved on her birthday.