"Mai-san, are you on your period?"

Perhaps sensing my grumpy expression, Sakuta said that.

While it could be taken as an irritating comment at first glance, strangely, it didn't annoy me.

If it was a comment about me, I'd interpret it in a selfish way. But if it was about anything other than me, I'd likely interpret it in a way that was negative. Before I knew it, that's how I'd become.

They often say 'love is blind,' and though it was a cliche, it seemed to fit me perfectly, without exception. I was aware of that.

I probably can't see anything anymore but Sakuta, and the 'me' reflected in Sakuta's eyes. I feel like I don't need anything else. It's enough if Sakuta looks at me. If Sakuta is looking at me, thinking of me, then that's fine – that's what I think.

I strive for perfection, and in fact, I pride myself on being close to my own ideal of perfection, but in front of Sakuta, I became far too incomplete a person.

The calm judgment, common sense, and perspective that should be minimally necessary for a person – faced with Sakuta, these had become fatally lacking in me. And yet, despite that, I accepted it.

If I were to interpret Sakuta's banter selfishly, it would be that he's trying to ease my mind, even a little, by playing the villain and snatching away some of the anxiety and irritation I'm holding, distracting me.

"Maybe," I replied, my expression unchanged.

From now on, Sakuta will probably continue to save whoever is in front of him. Even if it's not me. No matter who it is. Even at the cost of sacrificing himself.

That's the reason he is who he is; it must be his faith. His core.

He has a past of being saved from bottomless despair, and because he was saved from it, the current him exists. Therefore, the him who exists now also continues to save others. Surely, he must keep doing so forever. If he doesn't, he cannot function.

However, that aspect of him – trying to save anyone and everyone – was something that really bothered me.

As a mere human, even if he can't save everyone, he will surely save someone who is struggling right before his eyes.

If he were simply saving them, there would be no problem. But he tries to save them even if it means sacrificing himself. That part was incredibly annoying to me.

He accurately assesses his own capabilities and saves someone using the skills within his range. However, included within 'his range' is 'sacrificing his own life.' For the sake of a kindness that can only exist upon life, he is capable of sacrificing that very life.

For what purpose? To save. He assesses the weight of what he's saving, wagers something equivalent, or even something heavier – he bets it all to save someone.

There's something fatally wrong with that. Something twisted. The premise is wrong.

Why, because of his own past of being saved, must he go to such lengths to save others? Is there truly a need to save them to that extent?

It's a curse. The act of being saved itself, the past of having been saved, the life that became unable to exist without saving whoever was in front of him – it couldn't help but look like a curse to me.

He, who was cast into the abyss of despair by Adolescence Syndrome, had his way of being drastically changed by being saved.

But I wonder.

Was it really... Was he truly saved?

Could it be said that, at the end of that despair, the past him cast aside his own life?

Isn't his life still discarded?

Where did the weight of his life go?

Isn't it possible that he only recognizes the weight of his own life as a weight to be used for saving someone else?

Thinking that, the outline of the man before me seemed to blur, as if he might vanish at any moment.

"Mai-san, are your periods heavy?"

"What do you think?"

"You look like they are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly what I said. I get the impression your periods are probably heavy. But since Mai-san would definitely never show it, if they are heavy, I'd want you to honestly look like you're suffering in front of me, and I think I'd want to take care of a Mai-san like that."

"It's troubling to hear you talk about your desires based on layers of assumptions."

"I want to take care of Mai-san..."

"What could you possibly do, Sakuta?"

"I want to become Mai-san's tampon and catch the blood. I want to help Mai-san."

"Ugh, that's truly disgusting."

"It's a joke."

"Even as a joke, it's genuinely disgusting, and I want you to stay away from me."

"Really, I'd just stay right beside you and rub your stomach."

"Fine. Even so, Sakuta, if you really want to help, then just stop bringing up this topic in the first place."

I was blind to him.

I wished he would become blind to me too.

But even though he says he likes me, even though he says he loves me, it seemed he wasn't quite blind when it came to me.

He was blind when it came to saving people.

It made me a little sad to feel that my love, like this, was nothing more than a byproduct of his curse.

I am merely one among the many he saves. He simply saved me as dictated by his way of being, because he was meant to save me.

"So, in the end, Mai-san, what is it that's bothering you so much right now?"

"Well then, let me ask you, Sakuta, what on earth is that?"

I finally turned back to face him and asked. Since he showed no sign of bringing it up himself, I'd lost patience and decided to specifically ask him myself.

The 'that' which had been bothering me, the 'that' which had soured my mood, was about the cut on his cheek.

His cheek? Does one get injured just living normally?

I bet, once again, you helped someone or something somewhere I don't know about, didn't you?

I continued to glare at him.

"This? Er, well, you see... There was a cat that suddenly darted out into the road right in front of me. It was yesterday evening. A car was coming, but it showed no sign of moving, so I rushed out, grabbed the cat, and carried it to the sidewalk. That part was fine, but then the cat scratched my face and ran off. This is that scratch. Getting kindness repaid with malice, talk about unlucky, right?"

Watching Sakuta explain, sheepishly stroking his cheek, I let out a deep sigh.

"Cats aren't stupid either. It might have managed to escape just before the car hit."

"Even so, when I weighed that against the possibility of having to watch a cat get run over right in front of me, I still hated the latter more."

Having been told that, I couldn't complain. There wasn't a single thing wrong with what he said.

It's just that this person, in a place I didn't know, even if it was to save a cat, had jumped out in front of a car as if it were perfectly natural.

That incident might have ended safely, but didn't he end up getting injured somehow anyway?

That wound isn't just yours, you know.

Even if I said that, Sakuta would probably just look troubled. Nothing is likely to change from now on, either.

I have wondered if, just as Shoko Makinohara once changed Sakuta's way of being, I might be able to change him. But frustratingly, it seemed impossible for me, no matter what.

Because he is who he is, consequently, from now on, whether in places I know of or places I don't, he will likely continue to sacrifice himself, get hurt, and lose something.

I couldn't bear to watch.

Has he ever considered the feelings of someone who can only stand by silently and watch as the precious, beloved thing they care about gets hurt and worn away?

Seeing your wounds, have you ever thought about how much it hurts me?

I want you to stop already. Please.

Please, I beg you, from now on, protect only me. Don't do anything reckless for anyone else.

I thought about saying that. I thought it over and over again.

I've had enough of feeling like that.

But, today too, I couldn't muster up the courage to say it. It didn't feel like I could.

If I could say it, how much easier would things be?

Hey, Sakuta. Can't you stop being yourself?

A foolish question, surely. Just as I can't stop being me, naturally, neither can he.

It can't be helped. Because I love Sakuta, including that part of him. Because I love him dearly.

The fact that I myself, who loves him so much, can't help but want to deny the very part of him I love – that was simply unbearable, incredibly frustrating, and sad.

"Hmph, I see. I understand, Sakuta."

"What do you understand?"

"The cat's feelings."

"Huh?"

"Even if I were the cat, I think I probably would have scratched you."

"Eh? Eh? I don't get it. What does that mean?"

Yes, surely. You don't understand, do you? No matter what, you wouldn't understand. So, I won't tell you.

As long as you are you, go ahead and try to save people as many times as you want. Go ahead and save them.

While finding that precious, while cherishing it with all my might, I hate it. And I will hate it again and again.

As if I'd let myself be saved by your help, I'll scratch your cheek.

I thought, 'Am I really going to get caught up in that way of being constantly being saved?'

This conversation is over now. I feel a little better.

Just keep living like that, bleeding all the while.

"Also, whether or not I'll let you take care of me, Sakuta... I'll think about it when the time comes."

And hopefully, may the day come when I can save you.