Chapter 44 "Dare to Dream"
"So, let me get this straight," Mio rubbed her forehead with both palms as she lied beside Noah in his bed the next morning. "We're on a mission to defeat Moebius once and for all, but…"
"I get scared and run off," the ponytailed soldier retold the twist of his dream, "and I take you with me."
"Only for us to…" she started to say the unfortunate ending.
"Yeah," his heavy sights slid off her in apparent shame.
"Not what I was expecting," the cat-eared Agnian offered a brief reaction, "but I see why… it's taken a lot out of you."
"And that's not all," Noah prepared to reveal even more, his sigh unintentionally tickling her shoulder. "I've… had this nightmare before."
"You have?" the moonblades-wielder tilted her head towards him. "When?"
"Back in Colony 25, when I, um… first saw your face," the ninth-termer confessed, this time with his eyes firmly locked onto hers.
"Really?" Mio nearly lifted her head off his pillow. "My face?"
"It was like… you triggered something in the deepest part of my mind," he attempted to explain, both to her and to himself.
"But you could've told me all this time we've been together," it quickly occurred to her, brows momentarily low. "Why did you keep it to yourself?"
"You wouldn't have believed me, back then," Noah watched her expression change as he spoke. "Once we made it to the City, I didn't really consider it anymore."
"Do you think something new triggered it again?" his soul mate wondered aloud after a brief pause.
"I don't know," the former pacifist ran a hand down his face, "but it does remind me of something."
"Hmm?" the zephyr scooted closer, fully curious.
"Remember the story Finn and Terelda told us?" he brought up the elderly couple in charge of the orphanage. "About how our previous selves met?"
"Yes…?" Mio squinted at him, trying to anticipate his thoughts. "You've dreamt about that as well?"
"No, but I was able to visualize it clearly," the swordfighter momentarily closed his eyes, "as if it was part of my memories."
"We soldiers live multiple times unless we reach homecoming," her sights settled on the mark on his hand. "What if… you really are dreaming about your past life?"
"It could be so," Noah ruminated about the possibility, odd though it was. "Have you dreamt anything of the sort?"
"About fighting in the war?" she noticed him looking at her again.
"Or against Moebius," the ponytailed soldier nodded from his side of the pillow that he was sharing. "Anything that could be from a past life."
"I might have," Mio rubbed two fingers against her temple, "but I only remember fragments, and nothing outside a colony."
"I see," his tone evinced mild disappointment. "I wish I knew more about my dream… if it actually happened… and who the other Ouroboros were…"
"Why don't we pay Finn and Terelda a visit?" the moonblades-wielder suggested as she moved her hand atop his. "They knew our previous selves, after all. Perhaps they have an idea."
"It's worth trying," her loving partner sat up, needing no further convincing. "Shall we go?"
"Right this instant?" she propped herself up on her elbow just as quickly. "I'm enjoying this time with you." Mio's expression became one of pout which melted whatever existed of Noah's resistance.
"As am I," his smile likewise warmed her heart upon dropping back down into her arms. "Nothing is more important to me than you."
For the next hour, the conciliating Kevesi was all hers. Cuddly moments like this were exactly what Mio had wanted with Noah, and he wasn't about to let them go to waste. Eventually, the two youths vacated his cozy bed to fetch their discarded clothes and make themselves presentable for a visit to the nearby orphanage.
It was a familiar walk for them by now, guided by the sound of innocent laughter. A frequent and welcomed sight, Noah and Mio found the children playing in the fenced yard as they walked past it for the lobby. Once inside, they met their old friends over a tray of tea and fluffy biscuits.
"Now, that is quite the tale," Finn, the bald patriarch of the establishment reclined in his chair after Noah recounted his nightmare.
"And what an utterly dreadful ending to it," his wife and the orphanage's matriarch, Terelda seemed taken aback by it, "if you don't mind me saying."
"It's alright," the former pacifist waved his open palm, "I'm not in favor of it, either."
"You described every detail so vividly," her weathered forehead was rumpled, eyes wide, "almost as if it were a memory instead of a dream."
"Actually, that's why I'm here, for your expertise," he informed them, alternating glances between his old friends. "I want to know if it's possible for someone like me to dream an event from my past life."
"Yes," the old man patted the top of his knees before resting his hands there.
"Huh?" Noah blinked at him, surprised by his swift, short answer.
"In fact, it's quite likely," Finn amended his response after giving it more consideration. "You see, what you described…"
"It falls in line with our memory…" the silver-haired senior took over for him, "of the last time we saw you two… in your previous life." A long, contemplative pause drained the room of noise, aside from the children's laughter coming from outside.
"Um… w-what does this mean, then?" Mio broke the silence, unwittingly enthralled by the mystery.
"It might mean you retained a pivotal memory from your previous life, Noah," the bald senior claimed with the intangible evidence available.
"Are you absolutely certain of this?" the ponytailed soldier wasn't so quick to believe it. "I thought our memories were supposed to be wiped upon rebirth."
"Well… even Moebius' systems aren't perfect," Finn momentarily raised his hands halfway in the air. "Otherwise, we'd be doomed."
"Huh, I see," the younger deserter slowly dropped his gaze to the floor.
"Are you alright?" the older one watched him process it all.
"I thought… figuring this out would bring me comfort," Noah eventually spoke, his tone dripping in discontent, "but now I'm… more conflicted than I was before."
"How so?" she reached for his wrist while the elderly couple looked onward.
"It doesn't feel like my own memory," he slowly shook his head, "even though I see it when I close my eyes."
"Because you didn't actually live it?" the zephyr tried to help him navigate through his quandary.
"Didn't I, though?" the former pacifist shifted his sights in her direction.
"Assuming it's true, were those actions actually yours?" Mio firmed up, ever wary of Noah's habit of blaming himself.
"You don't think so?" he kept their volley of questions going.
"I can't see what you saw," his soul mate concluded after another short pause. "I can't fathom what it's like to hold memories that aren't my own."
"Maybe it's a good thing you can't," the downcast Kevesi receded in his chair once more.
"The circumstances are extraordinary," the old man reentered the conversation. "And quite frankly, I might've written off your dream as nothing more than just that. However, as Terelda said, it's consistent with the last time we saw your previous selves."
"Your final mission against Moebius, as we knew it," his wife applied a rather dire title to the event under discussion.
"You've mentioned this to us before," Noah restored his posture, too intrigued to remain gloomy. "Can you tell us what you know?"
"There's not much more to share than what you already dreamt," Finn hoped to temper his guest's expectations. "The last Ouroboros Stone had just been found, so you two and four friends of yours planned to challenge Moebius in the tundra."
"It all happened so quickly," Terelda lamented, as if everything had happened yesterday. "We didn't even get to say goodbye."
"I'm sorry," the ponytailed soldier's response was automatic.
"No need to apologize," the bald senior nearly chuckled. "We recognized the gravity of the situation. Besides, that was, um… a different Noah and Mio."
"I must confess, for Finn and myself, that we still struggle with how we see you two," the old woman twiddled her thumbs nervously, "between your incarnations."
"I think I get it," the swordfighter appeared unfazed this time, "since I've witnessed it through a friend."
"You mean Lana?" Mio conferred with him again, regarding his former teammate at Colony 25.
"Yeah," he nodded before returning to their hosts. "Speaking of which, you mentioned four friends who were with our previous selves."
"That's right," Finn prepared himself for another round of inquiries.
"Do you remember who they were?" the former pacifist leaned forward, perhaps without realizing it.
"I'm afraid we never met the rest of that Ouroboros team," Terelda did the honors of delivering further disappointment to Noah. "We don't know if they were soldiers or citizens."
"Oh…" he rested his chin on his clasped hands.
"Wish we could tell you more," the old man offered his sympathy, "but like I said…"
"It's okay, and thank you," Noah rose to his feet with a smile, not one to be ingrateful. "Seems like every visit here has been enlightening."
"And we enjoy your company just as well," the silver-haired senior reciprocated, everybody having stood as well, "especially since it's a second chance for us."
"A rare opportunity," her husband declared with a hint of cheer, "given what's what." Satisfied for now, Noah let the conversation drift onto idle affairs in and around the orphanage. It wouldn't be long, however, before he and Mio said their goodbyes and returned to the City streets. Back outside, they were left to decide on their next move.
"What shall we do now?" the tenth-termer deferred to Noah whose expression bespoke confliction.
"I've got… some thinking to do, Mio," the ponytailed soldier eventually responded, not quite solemnly.
"Please, let me help in any way I can," she offered with her hands together over her gem.
"Your support is already helping," his sunniness momentarily reemerged. "Besides, I doubt I'll sort it out in an afternoon."
"Listen…" Mio's tone turned serious which caught his attention immediately.
"Hmm?" he rotated to face her properly, nearly forgetting to breathe.
"I know you're feeling… invaded by your past self," the cat-eared Agnian closed the distance between them, "but that Noah… his actions weren't your own."
"I'm not blaming myself for what happened," Noah wrapped his palms on her knuckles, "if that's what you're saying."
"Good," she looked him straight in the eyes, "because that is what I'm saying."
"I would like to know more, though," her loving partner put forth his usual determination, mindful of an additional mystery. "The other Ouroboros, their faces remained obscured in my dream. I want to know who they were."
"Noah," the moonblades-wielder released herself from his grasp, "that may be impossible to figure out."
"You're probably right," the former pacifist conceded without any contention. "Still, I wonder… what our friends might think of this."
"Of dreaming about our pasts?" Mio crossed her arms, tapping her elbow contemplatively. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask."
"Okay," he acknowledged her approval, "next time we're in good company."
As it turned out, only a few days would pass before such an opportunity arrived in the form of a resource mission abroad. Tasked with gathering ether and some of the local vegetation, Noah and Mio joined Lanz, Sena, Fonse, Denize, and Lana to set up camp near Skyview Falls of the Aetia region. It was during their lunch break that Noah presented the subject of dreams to his cohorts. Telling the tale was no longer difficult for him by now, though it still caught the new listeners off guard.
"Wha…?" The first reaction came from Fonse, the redheaded mace-wielder.
"Yeah, um… what the spark?" Denize, the freckled swordswoman squinted at the storyteller in disbelief.
"I know it's fantastical," Noah held out his palms, hoping to calm his friends, "but that's the long and short of it."
"And you think it's from your, er, previous self?" the redhead scratched just above his brow.
"That's my current theory," the ponytailed soldier settled back into his spot around the campfire, "supported by our old friends."
"Old friends?" Sena, the blue-haired girl with ether lines repeated curiously.
"People who knew our previous selves," the zephyr offered to clarify in Noah's stead, "who were aware of that journey."
"Well, snuff me," Fonse chuckled incredulously but acceptingly, "talk about fate, huh?"
"Tch, fate…" Lanz, the muscly, two-toned defender scoffed before finishing his meal.
"It's what our old friends seemed to think," Mio tried to counter his apparent skepticism, though she knew that he was the stubborn type.
"Have any of you opinions on this?" the swordfighter opened it up for a group discussion as he'd planned.
"Mmm…" the mace-wielder stared at the small flames while he pondered for a moment. "Based on what else we've learned from the City… I suppose this isn't the most outrageous thing I've ever heard."
"It's… I dunno…" the freckled Kevesi gave up trying to answer after two seconds. "You've always been peculiar."
"Oh, um…" Noah slumped at Denize's latest jab at his character.
"It sounds scary," Lana, the first-term blonde appeared to shiver.
"And you just… left your team behind?" the blue-haired Agnian likewise sounded concerned.
"I didn't," he started to defend himself, franticly, "I mean, er…"
"Don't worry about it," the moonblades-wielder was swift to assuage Noah, "no one is blaming you."
"Ah," a small pang of embarrassment began to set in for him.
"Right?" Mio turned to face Noah's inadvertent accuser across the campfire.
"Huh?" Sena returned a blank stare until she realized the error. "Oh, r-right, sorry!"
"It's okay," the former pacifist passed the pardon along, both of them now with awkward grins on display. Sensing a lull, Noah decided to shift the conversation in a slightly different direction. "Um, do any of you have dreams?"
"I'm sure we all do," Fonse responded first again, this time after nobody seemed willing to share anything.
"More to the point, dreams that you feel could've been from your past?" Noah specified, though he still wasn't receiving much enthusiasm from the group.
"How would we know?" Denize challenged him, as she was wont to do. "Inspiration could come from anywhere."
"I suppose," he accepted her counterargument without much fuss. "I just thought that dreams about… things so particular, like a personal endeavor, or a battle, could hold a meaning of some kind."
"A battle, you say?" the muscly Kevesi tossed his empty skewer into the pile.
"Hmm?" the zephyr eyed Lanz curiously. "Did you dream about one?"
"Mmph…" he averted her gaze, seemingly disinterested in divulging.
"I've dreamt about battles," the redhead admitted instead, drawing the spotlight onto himself. "Though, as Denize said, who can say if they're inspired from this life or the last?"
"Did you survive them?" Mio asked what Noah and a few others were wondering.
"Survive? The battles?" Fonse appeared to shrink in his spot until Denize touched his shoulder. "Well… uh…"
"You don't need to answer if you're not comfortable," the cat-eared Agnian likewise relieved him of the pressure.
"It's not that. I just… hadn't considered how they ended." Arms now crossed, the mace-wielder reflected on what his subconscious had previously dealt to him. "Most of them, I can't remember. But there was one… in which I…"
"Fonsy," the swordswoman wrapped her arm around his back.
"I was being pursued by Agnian troops, and…" he paused to scan every face around the campfire, rapt at attention, "I didn't escape."
"No…" Denize's expression was a mix of sadness and rage.
"Huh?" Fonse returned to the present, noticing her reaction. "Hey, it was only a nightmare. I'm still alive."
"Er…" she stared at him before looking around, her cheeks rosy. "Ahem, of course you're alive. Dreaming about death is nonsense."
"I was chased, too," the first-termer raised her hand.
"In your dream?" the ponytailed soldier sought to confirm with his semi-recently reborn friend.
"Uh-huh," Lana nodded once, shyly, endearingly. "It was a monster… a really big fish."
"A fish?" Large, floating creatures such as marrins and serpronds were what came to his mind upon hearing her account. Unable to contain his curiosity, Noah carefully pressed for a little more detail. "Do you remember where you were? In the dream, that is?"
"Uh…" the little blonde lazily played with the fringe of her hair. "There was sand everywhere."
"Dannagh Desert?" Noah continued to probe as lightly as he could, mentioning the place where he'd lived with her previous self.
"I… don't know," Lana shrugged her shoulders, palms in the air.
"Noah," Mio interjected with a hint of admonishment in her tone. "Remember, the colony from which she was liberated is also situated on sand. She could be confusing the two."
"You're right, on the beach," the former pacifist conceded to her before returning to Lana. "My apologies, I got ahead of myself. Though, if that was indeed a dream from your previous life, then I can tell you that nothing ever ate you."
"Really?" the first-termer immediately perked up, leaning towards him. "That's a relief!"
"I didn't survive," Lanz unexpectedly cut into her cheeriness with a brooding statement.
"What do you…?" the moonblades-wielder started to ask before figuring it out herself. "Wait, are you saying… in a dream?"
"Yeah," he finally began opening up to the group. "I was… protecting someone, and I got hit, badly."
"Oh man," the redhead sympathized with his fellow defender.
"Lanz," Noah studied the disquietude on his big friend's face.
"It didn't make sense," the two-toned boy perpended, scowling at the small rocks surrounding the campfire. "But now that I've seen Moebius, I'm starting to wonder…"
"You think you fought them in the past?" Mio lightly clenched her fist over her chest.
"Dunno…" Lanz shook his head, now somewhat in a forward slump.
"What about the person you defended?" the swordfighter brought up the other significant element of Lanz' nightmare.
"What about 'em?" the muscly Kevesi peered in his direction.
"Do you remember what they looked like?" the inquisitive one's curiosity was at full force at this point.
"Nope," Lanz sat up, puzzled by what was starting to feel like an interrogation from Noah. "Why ask?"
"Sir Darlus, the House leader who approached you four days ago," the ponytailed soldier referenced the odd meeting in the City. "He said you protected his family in the past."
"Oh for…" the two-toned boy lost his patience at last. "Don't remind me about him, man."
"Ah, alright then," Noah let it go at that before addressing the group at large. "Perhaps it was too soon for me to have broached this matter with you all. There's still a lot that I don't fully understand myself."
"I'd be willing to believe it," Fonse gave him a vote of confidence on the idea.
"You would?" the freckled Kevesi questioned her partner's choice.
"You wouldn't?" he raised a brow at her.
"I told you, it's nonsense," Denize moved in close enough for their noses to touch. "Dreaming about dying… who needs that?"
"Not me!" Lana hollered as if to exempt herself.
"Yeah," the ether-lined girl concurred with her fingertips against her lower lip. "Do I even dare to dream from now on?"
"I'm sorry," the regretful swordsman delivered another apology, hanging his head in shame. "It was not my intention to instill dread in anybody."
"Perhaps it's time to get back to gathering materials," Mio suggested now that the long discussion had reached its terminus.
"Right," Lanz was the first to stand, more than ready to leave. "I'll resecure the perimeter, then."
"Let me help," Sena likewise hopped to her feet, soon following him away from the campsite. "I've got a big sword, too."
"Do you?" he waited for her to catch up. "Let's see it."
"Okay," she obliged and promptly summoned her Blade, the sharp end of which dangled near the ground. "What do you think?"
"You're holding it all wrong," the muscly Kevesi wasted no time in critiquing.
"I-I am?" the blue-haired Agnian lost all confidence but held on, nonetheless.
"You're gonna strain yourself if you swing it from that position," Lanz warned her before resuming his walk towards his post.
"But, this is how I've always…" Sena started to whimper as she stayed within step of his shadow.
"Let's not forget to clean up here before we join them," Noah advised the remainder of the group, everybody now up and stretching their legs.
"Good idea," the zephyr brushed the dirt off her pants and proceeded to collect the empty skewers.
"Say, Noah?" the mace-wielder approached him with a lingering thought in mind.
"Mmm?" the former pacifist stopped in his tracks. "What's up?"
"So, in your dream, you and Mio were together," Fonse started to say, combing the top of his hair with his thumb, "which you think could've been real, right?"
"Yes," his friend reconfirmed cautiously.
"Do you, uh, suppose that the same can be said for Denize and myself?" the redhead eyed Noah as if he had the answer.
"Fonse, really?" the swordswoman planted her fists against her hips.
"What?" he whipped around to face her. "Don't you think it'd be… what's the word? Romantic?"
"Well, y-yeah… but don't tease yourself with such a notion," blush colored Denize's face once more while she admonished her partner. "It's… too big of a stretch."
"Just imagine it," Fonse held her hands, suddenly feeling amorous. "You and me, through the years, never apart…"
"That does sound nice," Mio watched them with a warm, fuzzy feeling running through herself.
"They're going to kiss soon," the little blonde anticipated aloud, inadvertently spoiling the moment. "They always do it at home, and th-"
"Hush, you!" the freckled Kevesi barked in indignation. "Go and help the others!"
"Okay, but I'd better not catch you smooching on duty!" Lana reciprocated with a warning of her own. Giggling, the youngest soldier of the group scampered away to be by Sena's side.
"Ugh, that little brat, I swear," Denize grumbled in Lana's wake.
"Brat?" It completely floored Noah to hear her speak ill of the girl whom she'd once considered precious.
"Yes, she's a brat!" the swordswoman reasserted without a second thought. "That's not the Lana who left the pod with Fonse and me."
"I must agree," the mace-wielder shared in her frustration, "she's different in this life from how she was in her last one."
"I don't know how much longer I can stand having her with us," Denize groused about their living arrangements as she left to fetch her equipment.
"Something to deliberate later, I suppose," he mumbled to himself before returning to Noah. "So, anyway, what do you think?"
"About Lana?" the ponytailed soldier blinked twice at him.
"No, about Denize and me possibly meeting in a past life," Fonse clarified, eagerly awaiting an opinion.
"Er, nobody can say for sure," his friend struggled to form one, not wishing to lead him astray. "I wouldn't rule it out, though."
"Thanks, mate," the redhead was instantly uplifted. With nothing further to say, Fonse headed for the field with a spring in his step.
"Well, you certainly put the idea in everyone's minds," Mio remarked to Noah now that the two deserters were left to themselves. "Are you satisfied with how this turned out?"
"I don't feel like I've made much progress towards the truth," the former pacifist determined after mulling it over.
"Will you keep searching?" her next question was the biggest one which drew an even longer pause from Noah. Mio watched him intently, though she knew where his mind was already going. The amenable Agnian was just as curious as her Kevesi counterpart to get to the bottom of this mystery, she had to admit. Whether or not they could actually reach it was another matter. After all, Moebius was the infernal gatekeeper.