Happy reading!
38
The first days back from Portland were uneventful, as Angela and I settled into our new normal in the new space. Having the extra help with Lauren and Jessica manning the front of the store has taken something off both of our plates, especially Ang's. She was able to devote more time to development, which is her passion, and I'm able to focus on painting. Since the grand opening, our requests for commissions have only grown, and we were facing the hard reality of having to turn some people down. I'm only one person, after all. I'd rather disappoint people than give them something that isn't my best because I have too much on my plate.
The weekend away left me feeling refreshed and a little lighter than before. My struggles are still there, and I've been looking into finding a therapist. The only way to get past what I've been dealing with is to dismantle the feelings of inadequacy by starting at the root of the problem, and I know I can't do that by myself.
Things are going so well that when I wake up on Friday morning with a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach, it catches me off guard. I try to shake it off, telling myself that I'm nervous about the article coming out today because we never received an advance copy and that I'm overthinking the whole thing.
When I'm brushing my teeth, I receive a text from Angela telling me that the Best Places to Visit in Seattle page on Facebook mentioned us.
Smiling, I open the Facebook app on my phone for the first time in close to a year. I follow the page, so I scroll down my feed to try to find the post. I'm about to give up and search for them when a post makes me pause. It was a post of Leah Clearwater's, Sue Clearwater's daughter. She was in a white gown, walking down the aisle on the arm of my dad. I'm not friends with her; however, she tagged my dad, which caused it to show up on my feed. It's not so much the photo that has me frozen, but the words that accompany it.
Thank you to the man who's always been there for me. You're the best dad a girl could ever ask for. Today wouldn't have been as special without you.
The words of appreciation sting as I read them. It feels unfair that she's able to have that special connection and moment with him when I know I will never have the same. I've come to terms with the fact that he's not a big part of my life, but it doesn't make what I just read hurt any less.
With Best Place to Visit in Seattle's post all but forgotten, I pocket my phone and head out of my apartment. I have a few deliveries to make, which helps distract me from the unexpected hurt, but it lingers in the back of my mind as I pull up to the store in the early afternoon and make my way inside.
"Hey, Bells." Angela greets me when I walk into the office, taking a seat in the desk chair she purchased for me. My desk is coming in next week. "You okay? You seem off." She comments when she takes a good look at me.
I sigh heavily. "I saw a post this morning that left me rattled," I chew my lip. "My stepsister put up a picture of her being walked down the aisle by my dad and basically praised him. I'll be okay. It just hurts more than I would've expected."
"I'm sorry. That sounds so fucking lame, but it's all I can think to say other than it fucking sucks."
"Thanks." I use my foot to move my chair from side to side. "I hate that it put a damper on today." Between that and the anxiety that was only becoming more pronounced, today wasn't as exciting as I'd been hoping it'd be.
"Speaking of today, it should be going live any minute." She turns back to her computer that's opened to the City Art website. "I keep refreshing the page like that'll help it pop up faster."
"I hope I wasn't boring." I'd been so nervous during the interview that it'd been hard for me to think of how to answer some of the questions. Basically, I just hope I made sense.
"I think your story is really interesting."
"You're also biased."
She sighs dramatically. "I know. But I still mean it."
"You really are the best, Ang."
She smiles at me over her shoulder before she refreshes the City Art homepage again. When she does, she gasps but doesn't say anything.
"Is it up?" I ask when she continues to sit there. "Ang? Angela?!"
Exasperated, I rise from my seat, going over so I can look at the screen. She has the article up, but the title catches my attention the most.
"Bella Swan: Talented or Lucky?"
*runs and hides*
See you next time.