The cafeteria at Beacon had long since shifted from lunch to full-blown surveillance theater.

The screen—mysterious, bizarre, hilarious, and possibly interdimensional—had become the academy's obsession. What had started with cryptic messages and a haunting cry from Ruby had spiraled into a multiversal showcase of culinary chaos, haunted cookware, and sibling servers with questionable food ethics.

So far, they'd seen:

• Ruby run an Italian restaurant.

• Ghost Grandma attack from a pizza oven.

• Giacomo Yang co-manage with flair.

• Alternate Blake nearly get exorcised over a tuna order.

Now, the screen flickered once more.

Everyone dropped what they were doing.

Even Ozpin leaned forward.

The image cleared.

Same restaurant. Casa di Crescent Rose. Same candles. Same red checkered cloths. Same accordion wailing in the background, this time playing something suspiciously close to a requiem.

Ruby stood center-stage, mustache curled just right, pad in hand. Her eyes were wide. Alert. Battle-ready.

The bell above the restaurant door jingled.

Everyone in Beacon froze.

From the entryway stepped a figure in an ivory-white tailored coat, high heels, and a look that could chill magma.

Alternate Weiss Schnee.

Real-world Weiss inhaled sharply. "Oh no."

On-screen, Ruby's eyes widened.

"Mamma mia..."

Weiss strutted toward the front desk, heel-clicks echoing like drumbeats of war. Her white gloves gleamed. Her posture, military-grade. Her presence, overwhelming.

Ruby pulled her apron straight and smiled—though it looked more like a grimace. "Buonasera, Signorina Schnee! Welcome to my humble establishment. Might I interest you in today's special?"

AU-Weiss's eyes narrowed. "I'll be the judge of what's special."

She scanned the dining room with disapproval. "This place is... quaint."

In the kitchen, Giacomo Yang muttered, "Oh boy…"

Back in Beacon, Weiss whispered, "She's even more terrifying than me."

"Objectively," Blake agreed.

Ruby cleared her throat, trying her best to keep her smile from cracking. "Today, the special is risotto alla primavera. Light, elegant—"

"I hate peas," AU-Weiss cut in.

Ruby's smile dropped.

"I... I can-a scrape them out."

"You should have thought of that before you added them." She pointed her perfectly manicured finger at a table. "I'll sit there."

Ruby bowed dramatically, then whispered under her breath, "Saint Pasta, grant me strength."

The scene cut forward slightly.

Weiss sat primly, glancing at a crystal wine glass like it might insult her.

Ruby approached with a bottle of the house red.

"Would the lady like a glass—"

"Only if it's from Vacuo's eastern ridge. I don't drink whatever you soaked your mustache in."

From the kitchen, Giacomo Yang spat out her drink.

Ruby blinked. Then slowly leaned in, her tone soft but sharp. "This mustache was soaked in heritage, thank you."

AU-Weiss gave a single, icy smile. "Pity."

From the kitchen, Nonna's voice rang out. "Ask her if she wants a slap with that risotto!"

Ruby snapped back, "Not now, Nonna!"

Real-world Nora cheered. "Go Grandma!"

Jaune whispered, "What if this ends in an actual food fight?"

Professor Port scratched his mustache. "We may be witnessing the first ever culinary duel of dignity."

Back on-screen, Ruby returned with the risotto, trembling slightly. The dish looked exquisite—steaming, aromatic, touched with herbs.

She placed it gently before AU-Weiss.

Weiss picked up a fork like it was a weapon. She stabbed into the risotto, lifted one perfect bite... and froze.

Ruby leaned forward.

"Well?" she asked.

AU-Weiss placed the fork down delicately.

"There is... a single grain of overcooked rice in this bowl."

Ruby twitched.

"You're joking."

Weiss tilted her head. "Does it look like I'm joking?"

From the kitchen: "Get the pan."

Ruby's hand shot up. "NO ONE GETS THE PAN!"

Beacon Weiss buried her face in her hands. "I'm embarrassed on both our behalves."

Sun nudged Neptune. "I'm starting to root for Ghost Grandma."

On-screen, Ruby inhaled deeply and plastered on a grin that screamed barely-contained chaos.

"Would you prefer I remake it?"

"I would prefer you learned how to make it right the first time."

Thunder cracked outside the restaurant.

The candles dimmed.

Even the accordion wheezed in fear.

Ruby's eye twitched again.

"I went to-a school for this!"

"Was it a school or a food court?" Weiss snapped.

From the kitchen, Yang gasped. "Oh, no she didn't."

Ruby dropped her pad. Her hands slammed the table.

"I will-a remake the risotto, but know this: it will be the best thing you've ever tasted, and if you do not agree, I will personally haunt you like my nonna haunts my carbonara."

A low growl came from the oven.

"Leave me out of this," Grandma muttered.

AU-Weiss raised a brow. "You're welcome to try."

Ruby stormed back into the kitchen.

Cut to black.

A minute passed.

Then—

Scene returns.

Ruby walks out, carrying the new risotto like she's Moses parting the Red Sea.

She sets it down without a word.

AU-Weiss takes a bite.

Her eyes flicker—just for a moment.

Something shifts.

Ruby leans in.

"Well?"

Weiss slowly dabs her lips with a napkin.

Then… nods. Barely.

Ruby clutches her chest. "She admitted pleasure! We won!"

Yang cheers from the kitchen. "That's my sister!"

Grandma shouts, "Don't get cocky!"

Beacon Weiss sat frozen, stunned. "She... she liked it."

Blake patted her on the shoulder. "Growth. Even in other timelines."

AU-Weiss stood. Straightened her coat. Tossed a coin on the table.

"One grain of rice. But otherwise… adequate."

She walked to the door. Paused.

Then without turning, she said, "Tell your mustache… it's acceptable."

The bell jingled.

She was gone.

Ruby collapsed into a chair.

"Mamma mia…"

Fade to black.

Back in Beacon, applause broke out.

Even Goodwitch clapped twice.

"Okay," Jaune said, wiping tears, "that was the most stressful dinner service I've ever seen."

"I think that risotto got a character arc," Ren added.

Yang looked around, beaming. "Did you guys hear? Alternate Weiss complimented my mustache."

Ozpin nodded, expression unreadable. "It appears that whatever force is behind this screen, it understands personality dynamics… and comedic timing."

Port declared, "This is the best dinner theater I've seen in my career."

Blake raised her hand. "So who's next?"

Velvet whispered, "Please let it be Jaune as a busboy."

Ozpin cleared his throat. "For now, we wait. Observe. And prepare."

The screen dimmed. The mustache icon twirled faintly in the corner before vanishing.

But they knew it would return.

And wherever she was, Ruby Rose—multiverse chef, mustache model, and risotto warrior—was waiting, too.