Chapter Fifty-Six: Epilogue

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May 9th, 2012, Wizard London

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There was a growing pit in her stomach. A pit of anxiety, she supposed, which had morphed into some kind of dragon that was running through her like a current. She was sure it was taking bites in there. Thrashing all round. Whacking her with its spiky tail. Ella bit her lip for the eighth time that morning and glanced at Harry. He was staring at Hannah, trying to make out something in the glowy dome her wand had drawn across the thin air. It didn't make much sense to Ella, which was probably her fault. She had, once again, done zero prep work for the appointment, but what else was new? There was a shadow of some kind. A lot of darkness. Some kind of circle. She squinted as the dragon shuddered through her again, and chills ran down her arms.

Hannah turned and met her eyes, and she was smiling.

Oh, God…

Ella felt her heart thrum in her chest. Something rolled through her, some sort of feeling she couldn't quite name.

"There it is." Hannah's wand hovered over the circle. "That's the gestational sac. And that's the fetal pole. And that"— she shifted her wand to the right, and a pattern blossomed across the dome, like a spiky little fence, repeating —"is the heartbeat. Would you like to hear it?"

Ella tried to verbalize her agreement, but her voice didn't seem to be working. She made some kind of grunt that sounded maybe like a wounded animal and settled for nodding.

Hannah smiled again and twirled her wand, and an echoing thumping sound filled the room. It took Ella the longest moment to realize that it wasn't her own. That it wasn't the wild thudding of her own erratic heart, beating furiously out of time, at twice the speed it should.

She let it drown out everything. Hannah's voice, and Harry's excitement, and her own ragged breathing. She let it fill her, thrum through her.

This sound.

Oh, God, Oh, Merlin. This heart did not belong to her. But it would.

She recognized the feeling now. It was a familiar one. Nostalgic, like a friend she hadn't seen in a while. One she had almost forgotten.

Joy.

She was still thrumming with it when she stepped out of Hannah's office and blinked, squinting at the warm sunlight. Her hand, grasped firmly in Harry's, jumped every so often. As if electrically charged. She could feel the current running through her fingers, which tingled.

A heartbeat.

A real baby this time. No trace of molar tissue. Nothing strange or unusual on the ultrasound. Finally, after hitting negative, after waiting for an entire year of monitoring, and then trying again, and again, and again, and then again with Hannah's help. After everything, finally, there was a baby inside her. A real baby. Even if it looked only like a circle. A shadow. A pole. If nothing else went wrong, come January, she would be holding their baby in her arms.

Was it really true?

Could she really hold on to hope this time? Believe in it? Would it be easier with time? Would this fear leave her next month, or the month after that, or when she hit this milestone, or that one? Would it be all right?

She wasn't sure. Perhaps she would be terrified tomorrow. Perhaps she would show up at Hannah's office this time next week, and ask for another scan, just to make sure. But today, it was hard to clench down the joy.

And she didn't want to.

"Ella."

She looked up at the sound of her name. There was a bemused expression on Harry's face, so it probably wasn't the first time he had called her.

"What?" she said, and Harry grinned at her reaction.

"There you are."

"Here I am, " she agreed. "Just me. And our baby. Just like the test said. No big deal, am I right?"

"Right," Harry echoed, nodding vigorously for effect, though his hand squeezed hers a bit more firmly.

Oh, fuck it. She abandoned all pretense and collapsed against him, not caring who saw as tears sprang to her eyes. Shit, her emotions were bang out of order. Maybe it was a pregnancy thing. She grinned at that as her eyes streamed further, and buried her head in the crook of his neck. Her tears were soaking his cotton shirt, but she reckoned he wouldn't mind. How could he? His arms were wrapped around her, pressing her against him. She ignored the sound of traffic, the bustling of pedestrians around them. Blocked out everything except the familiar scent of him, the steady thudding of his heart; and thought about the third heart, beating softly between them.

"You all right?" Harry asked, after a long moment had passed.

"Yeah," she whispered, her voice muffled against him. Her grip on his shirt only tightened.

"I love you," Harry said softly in her ear.

She nodded, her hair rustling against his chest. "I love you, too."

His arms tightened around her. "Do you have time for lunch?"

"No," she admitted, finally extricating herself from his embrace. She glanced up, meeting his eyes as she wiped at her own. They looked a little brighter than usual. She reckoned she could even use the word "sparkly."

"I wish, honestly, but Rob's waiting for me to come back. We're advancing to the final stage today on the potions. Wouldn't want to get sacked right when I finally get pregnant, right?" She managed a teary chuckle as she wiped at her nose. "Besides, aren't you guys super busy with that stolen painting situation?"

"Technically," Harry said, but he released her, and she reluctantly stepped out of his embrace. And just like that, they were on the busy street again, the bubble of love and heartbeats dissipating. She still held on to it inside, though. Felt its warmth seeping all through her.

She was pregnant! With a real baby.

She grinned, unable to contain the glow.

It was nice to have hope again.

"I definitely have time for dinner, though," she promised.

"It's a date," Harry said, as they set off, slipping around the corner and down into the alley, which served as the designated apparition point for Hannah's clinic. "The Italian place?"

"How about the French place?" She grinned.

"Adventurous. I like it." Harry leaned forward, lightly pressing his lips to hers. "I should go, though. Forensics has actually been trying to track me down all morning. They probably reckon I've done a runner. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yep," she agreed, and watched him turn, vanishing into nothing.

She stood in the empty alley for a long moment, letting her hands trail down, until they brushed her stomach. She let them linger there, her fingers curling slightly as warmth seeped through her.

"Stay," she whispered, savoring the moment. Cementing it. She didn't know what the future held, but right now, in this moment, she was finally pregnant, and it was wonderful. And that ought to be celebrated. No matter what happened tomorrow, she would always have today. "Please, stay."

And then she turned, stepping into the compressing darkness, letting the alley fade away as the world shifted and churned, before spitting her out into the lobby of their small office, tucked away on the third floor of a small building in Hackney.

She drew in a steadying breath, pushing aside the slight nausea the travel had caused. Not too bad, though. Not like last time. This wasn't going to be like last time. She wandered down the short hallway that opened up into the kitchen, hurried past several witches and wizards noshing on sandwiches, and slipped into the workroom she had left two hours prior. It was nearly obscured with steam, which was not how it had looked at her departure.

She coughed, waving some of it away. "You took them to the next stage already?"

"Ella!" Robert called out, and she watched as his shadowy shape appeared out of the steam that was obscuring the room. He stopped by the nearest cauldron, glanced inside and gave it a stir, and then approached her. "How did it go?"

"Well…" She smiled. "There's a baby in there, Rob. For real this time."

"Bloody hell, that's amazing!"

He hugged her, and she leaned into his arms, appreciating the second embrace in ten minutes. She had gotten a curse out of Robert; this was serious.

"When are you due, then?"

"January." Her lips felt permanently stretched from all the grinning she couldn't stop doing. "I heard the heartbeat, Rob."

"I'm so happy for you." He clasped her hand for another moment before releasing her, stepping back slightly. "So happy, Ella."

"Me too." She smiled again. She couldn't seem to stop.

"And yes," Robert added, answering her previous question. "The potions are all vaporizing."

"I thought you were gonna wait for me." She eyed the steam that was still suffusing the room. "Wasn't it a lot of work?"

"Not too bad, actually. Bob and Clara helped out. I reckoned you could use a break either way."

"Oh." She considered that. Bob and Clara were their newest bright-eyed interns. "You checked their work, right?"

"Of course." Robert looked amused; like of course, obviously, he would check the work of the interns, and who did Ella think he was anyway? She had the grace to look slightly ashamed. But only for a second.

"We'll still have to monitor the lot, but everything is going swimmingly," Robert continued. "I expect they will be done in about fifteen hours. Actually"— he glanced at his watch —"fourteen hours and twenty-eight minutes. And then they'll slip into an immediate Stasis to await QC. We'll be alerted."

"Great," Ella said. "OK, you are super on top of shit. Sorry I asked."

"Yes, I am." Robert smiled. "And so are you. But of course, we have to be. Don't feel bad for double checking."

She nodded. Yes, they did have to be. It was the most delicate, and probably most singularly important work that she had ever done. It had been a big transition, walking away from the Stone, and the years she had devoted to creating it. She had spent many sleepless nights staring at her ceiling, guilt and emptiness gnawing at her insides. She had created it; had been naive. Careless. Siggy had done what she had done because of her. And Siggy, and Ernie, and Sal, and countless others were dead because of her. And no, she couldn't have known. But the responsibility was still hers to carry. And worse still, she couldn't even claim that responsibility in any public setting. Couldn't risk the wizarding world finding out what had really happened to bring Voldemort back, or the danger her Stone had put them all in; lest someone figure out how to recreate it. It was a slim chance, but she had learned long ago that nothing was truly impossible.

No, it was best to let it fade. To carry her guilt alone; that would be her atonement. To let her research, and the articles she had published, and everything she'd ever said on the topic fade into oblivion, until Mysteries had stopped asking. And the Department of Transportation had stopped asking. And the yellow Stone was gone, shattered into a hundred little countless pieces. She couldn't bear to look at it again and remember what it had done. And of the three Stones that remained… well, no one would ever find them, except the people she trusted with her life. And that was the only risk she was willing to take.

So Mysteries had claimed the yellow Stone as lost in the Ministry explosion, and she had never mentioned it again. Had let them assume that it was the only one, and that without Dumbledore, another was impossible. She stepped away from the Magical Institute, because how could she keep teaching her class on the multiverse and interdimensional travel when her last attempt had ended so badly, and she wished the entire concept could be forgotten? So she had found herself with nothing. No job, no baby, a husband on probation and forced into mandatory Abstract Healing, which was helping him, at least. But that was all. No victories, besides the negative numbers Hannah pulled from her weekly, and then monthly. And, once the adrenaline of everything wore off, there was only emptiness. A life of waiting. Of waiting for Harry to be cleared. Of waiting for Hannah to clear her after a full year of negatives. And then they could try, Hannah said. But what if she failed again? What if she had another molar pregnancy? The thought was sobering. Terrifying. Some days, she had felt like she was simply existing. Floating, and not really touching anything. Not really there. Did she dare even call it a life?

She needed something. An anchor. A purpose. In the very least, a distraction. Especially when Ron and Hermione announced, as delicately as possible, that they were expecting. And when she was cleared at last, and finally gathered up the remains of her courage, and she and Harry tried, and tried, and tried again. And nothing worked.

She just needed it not to hurt.

And then, Robert had found it: a research paper stuffed in the back of Science Magic. A new start-up headed by a renowned Australian potioneer focused on integrating potions with Muggle medicines to cure ailments in both populations. They were working on a cure for Lycanthropy, for Dragon Pox, and even cancer. And they were relocating to London. Expanding. And maybe this was exactly the thing she needed. The distraction and direction in which her magical science training could take her, because this work spoke to her very soul. So when Robert asked if she'd like to interview, she said yes.

She stared again at the steamy room, taking stock of the cauldrons; each of them holding the potential to change someone's life. Maybe even save it. She smiled.

Yes, she had found her purpose. She had found happiness in this room, even before she found it within herself. And no matter what happened with the baby she was finally lucky enough to carry, the things she did here would still matter. And she would still find joy in them. But today, she opted for hope.

"Hey, Rob…" She turned away from the cauldrons and met his piercing blue eyes. "Do you think you could do a photo for us? For me and Harry. Like the one you did for Ron and Hermione when they told us about Rose?"

Robert smiled. "It would be my pleasure. We could do it in the park, if you'd like."

"Let me guess." She chuckled. "During sunset?"

"Right before sunset," Robert corrected.

"Uh huh. You're so predictable."

"It's Magic Hour. The best hour of the day. Or we can do sunrise if you prefer."

"That's a hard no for me, sir." Ella grinned.

"Are you sure?" Robert smiled right back. "I just did a shoot for Ron, Hermione, and Rose at sunrise last week. The light was excellent."

"Let's see then," Ella said, and watched as Robert dug into his bag and removed several moving photographs. He cleared the nearest worktable and spread them out across the rough walnut surface, and she smiled as she watched the little girl totter across the frame, Ron and Hermione each firmly holding a hand. "Gosh, she's adorable. Is this for her year and a half birthday?"

"Last Wednesday," Robert said, nodding.

She smiled. "I can't wait until you do one like this for us. At sunset, though."

Robert grinned. "That might be past your little one's bedtime. Haven't you heard?"

"Are you saying my days of sleeping till noon on weekends are numbered?" She laughed, and hoped it was true. "How about this weekend, by the way?"

"I can't." Robert looked apologetic. "I'm going away with Matthew."

"Oh, where to?" she asked curiously. Robert and Matthew had met at a photography class Robert had taken last year, and had been dating for the last eight months. Matthew was kind, and generous, and Ella liked him quite a bit. She hoped it was getting serious. It was the first time Robert had really dated anyone since Kevin. She shook her head slightly to push the thought away and met Robert's eyes, forcing herself to smile.

"Greece," Robert said easily. "We're going adventuring, as you call it."

"Awesome. Adventure away. I'll catch you next time."

Robert busied himself with slipping the photographs back into his bag, when there was a knock at the door. Ella turned to see a familiar and completely unexpected face grinning at her.

"Dan!" she said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Daniyel grinned and stepped inside the room, whistling slightly as he took in the steam that engulfed everything. "What are you lot doing in here, building a homegrown sauna? Anyway, Ells, Harry told me the news. I had to see you! Congrats!"

He hugged her before she could so much as blink, and she grinned against his scratchy Auror robes before pulling back and meeting his eyes. "Don't you have lots of work?" She admonished. "Harry said it's very busy."

"Nothing that can't wait," Daniyel said easily "Let's get dessert!"

"Oh, I really shouldn't," she began, glancing at the potions again. "We've just started vaporizing, and I've already—"

"You should go," Robert said seriously, grasping her shoulder. "They're going to vaporize for another fourteen hours and twelve minutes. I've got it covered. Have some cake."

"OK," Ella agreed, grinning in spite of herself. "All right. Twenty minutes, and I'll be back."

"Whatever you say," Robert said, already turning back to the cauldrons. "Have some lunch while you're at it. I bet you didn't eat yet."

"Is he right?" Daniyel asked as they walked back out through the office.

"Yes," Ella admitted solemnly. "How'd you get in here, by the way?"

"You have absolutely no security," Daniyel said, amused, as he held open the glass door for her. "And you can't be skipping meals, you're pregnant!"

"Shhhh!" She swatted his sleeve and glanced around, but no one was in the vicinity. Daniyel had the grace to look apologetic.

"So," he said, pausing to meet her gaze in the lobby as he raised the wand that had once belonged to Albus Dumbledore and pointed it at himself, silently transfiguring his robe into a blazer. "Hershey pie from Burger King?"

"I dunno…" Ella considered it, then made a face. "I reckon I should go for a healthier option. Right?"

"Sure thing," Daniyel said easily. "Want to try the new vegan bakery on the corner? Bet you haven't been yet."

"You caught me," she admitted. "All right, should be interesting."

They took the stairs, walking slowly down to the main lobby, and out into the bustling foot traffic. Hackney was always boisterously alive, even at the tail end of lunch hour; another thing she adored about the location of her office. Harry often met her here after they both finished up for the day, and they strolled the lively streets, checking out new eateries or art exhibits. But she had not yet checked out the vegan bakery Daniyel had spotted, so she let him lead her there, arm in arm.

The smell wafting out the open window actually made her salivate slightly, and she found herself hoping that they had sandwiches of some kind in addition to sweets. Hell, Robert and Daniyel were right. She needed food. She and Harry hadn't had time for lunch with the long wait at Hannah's office. Hopefully he'd find something to snack on at the office. He was pretty resourceful; unlikely to collapse from hunger. Probably. She grinned, standing aside as Daniyel pushed the door open, and a bell tinkled lightly in the background.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking maybe you can bring Harry back a sandwich."

"I would love to bring Harry back a sandwich," Daniyel said, very seriously. He squinted at the menu. "Do you reckon he'd prefer the tofu toast or the whole grain with mesclun greens and vegan butter?"

Ella laughed, privately thinking Harry might prefer starvation. But surely, there was something here he'd like. She let her eyes trail across the decorated chalkboard where the day's menu was drawn out. Across the scones and croissants and other goodies in the display case. And, finally, the redhead waiting patiently at the cash register. She squinted, struck with a sudden sense of familiarity, when the woman turned, and smiled at the sight of them.

"Oh my god!" Ella said, breaking into a grin. "Ginny! What are you doing here?"

"Getting dessert," Ginny said easily, stepping toward them. She held out a small paper bag and smiled. "Isn't it obvious?"

"In London," Ella clarified. "I thought you were on that Americas tour."

"I was." Ginny shifted the bag to her other hand and leaned forward to hug them both. Ella got a pleasant whiff of her flowery hair.

"How's it going, Gin?" Daniyel clasped her hands for a second before letting her go. "Are you here for a while?"

Ginny sighed, before smiling again. "Ah, well. I was going to surprise you lot, but you caught me, so… I just got picked up by the London Lobalugs!"

"Who?" Ella asked, her mind drifting straight to the British and Irish Quidditch League roster and drawing a total blank.

"They're a new team," Ginny said, the grin seemingly permanently etched on her face. "Based out of London. So I'll be seeing you lot lots more. I've got a flat in the area."

"No way," Ella said giddily. "My office is right here. This is fantastic!"

Ginny nodded enthusiastically. "We'll do lunch! Maybe you can give me a tour of the neighborhood."

"Absolutely," Ella agreed. "When did you move?"

"I got the keys on Monday. It looks like a tornado's been through it, though. Bloody mess." She seemed to contemplate it for a bit, then shrugged and grinned again. "Well, never mind. I'll get it sorted and have you lot over for a housewarming soon. Gotta run, though. We have a team meeting in fifteen." She paused on the way out, her hand brushing lightly against Daniyel's shoulder. "See you around, Dan." She winked, and slipped out the door, the bell above it tinkling lightly.

Ella glanced at him, noting the slightly glazed look in his eyes. "Why don't you go catch up?" she suggested. "You guys haven't seen each other in ages."

"Yeah, it's been a while." Daniyel's eyes were still glued to the door, staring at Ginny's retreating form.

"Go on!" Ella said seriously, pushing his shoulder slightly.

Daniyel startled, as if waking from some daydream, and shook his head. "Nah. She's got a team meeting in fifteen, remember? Besides, I've got loads of time for that later; sounds like she's sticking around. Let's go have vegan cake."

"All right," Ella agreed, letting him pull her further into the bakery. "But I'll hold you to it."

Daniyel nodded, and she leaned forward to peruse the glass display case, inhaling the delectable aroma of vegan chocolate and contemplating how wonderful it would be if Daniyel and Ginny were to rekindle their friendship. Or something beyond friendship? Well, hell, she certainly wasn't going to meddle anymore; she'd done enough of that. Daniyel and Ginny were adults, and could sort out their own relationship. Right?

She grinned in spite of herself. The man behind the counter asked what she wanted, and she pointed at the flourless chocolate cake. "And an avocado toast, please. Multigrain. Actually, two. Harry will eat that. Dan, you'll bring it to him?"

"I'll bring it," Daniyel confirmed.

"Great," Ella said brightly. It looked like neither of them would go hungry today. She led the way to a table by the window and settled in for a twenty-minute Toast and Cake Interlude.

Maybe it would really be all right.

She considered that through a mouthful of toast. Life was hard sometimes, and she was no stranger to that. Sometimes bad shit happened to good people for no good reason, and she was intimately familiar with that scenario, too. But it was much easier to have a positive outlook when one wasn't famished. It was much easier, with a friend here beside her, to look back at everything life had thrown at her — at all of them, really — and appreciate that it hadn't broken them.

She was still here, holding on. Making plans for a future she was only beginning to dare imagine. Maybe that was part of the healing. Maybe this was finally, finally the start of their next chapter.

Hell, she was still scared. It would be a lie to not admit it. But today, her heart was full. Today, she could choose hope.

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End.

A/N: Thank you so much for being here and for reading. I can't believe this is the end. I think it was maybe December 2018 when I had finished writing Trading Places (which I always meant to be a standalone story), when I realized I couldn't quite let these characters go, and I sat down and I wrote the first chapter of this, which later became BPR.

I wrote TP in 5 months in a whirl of inspiration, right after I had finished chemo for my own molar pregnancy and was in my waiting year. My therapist told me to write down how I felt. And I started to do that, and then, somehow, inexplicably, I rewrote TP instead. Somehow, it was exactly the thing I needed for my healing. I never imagined how long BPR would take me. If someone had told me, that night in December 2018, that I would not be done with it until October 2024, I would have probably said, are you shitting me? I'm going to give up now. That's crazy. Haha. But I'm so glad that I didn't. I've had so many life changes since then. I've become a whole different person since then. So much so, that sometimes I marvel that the thing actually seems cohesive (or maybe I just imagine that lol). I have had my beautiful, perfect, amazing rainbow since then. And she is everything. I would be honored if she reads this one day — but understand if she thinks her mom is a giant nerd and does not. Haha.

But all that said, mainly, I want to say thank you to you guys. To everyone who has stuck around here. I know it isn't very many of you, and that's all right. For everyone who's taken the time to leave a review, thank you truly. For every silent reader who hasn't, thank you for being here. I appreciate all of you so much, for taking this walk through my mindscape. I'm so glad this crazy and sad and intense story is out in the world now, finally, all these years later, where it can live and grow, and maybe one day mean something to someone other than just me. Thank you for reading.

There is one more chapter left. It's a bit of a rewrite of the thing from Siggy's POV. I wrote it originally as background so I could work out my thoughts and feelings about her and understand her better, and then I edited it and thought, what the hell, why not post this, too? In case anyone finds her as intriguing as I did. If you do, that'll be up sometime next week, so stick around, I suppose, for BPR... one more time.

Thank you.

Rina