The Stans and Soos were gathered in the dimly lit living room, where the remnants of chaos still lingered in the air. They were briefed on the events that had unfolded, processing the madness that had transpired just hours before.
Thanks to the teamwork of Fiddleford and Stanford on matters regarding by-product technologies, Ford managed to secure pay to cover the damages inflicted upon Robbie's house. This news, however, stung Stan's pride; he couldn't shake off the irritation that his twin was now making more money than him. Stan, grumbling under his breath, tried to mask the blow to his businessman ego.
Soos, ever eager to help, attempted to remedy the situation in his signature unorthodox way. His efforts yielded mixed results, a culmination of his heart being in the right place but lacking the finesse needed for damage control. Meanwhile, Stanley was preoccupied, comfortingly patting his sobbing, remorseful great-niece Mabel, who was struggling with the guilt of having unintentionally transformed Zib into a grotesque puddle of goo. Zib was, apparently, a nightmarish fusion of Zim and Dib, a concept so bizarre that it left Stan scratching his head, trying to piece together the unsuitable explanations he had received.
Mabel was a wreck, muttering apologies between sobs, while Dipper was being tended to by Ford, ensuring that any burnt marks or injuries sustained during the chaos were properly treated. Gir, as deranged as ever, scavenged through the remnants of the bizarre events with uncontainable enthusiasm. Zim remained his usual self, unpredictable and hostile, while Dib stood nearby, staring at the toxic sludge that was supposedly an alternate version of himself. Gaz, the ever-indifferent onlooker, watched with her trademark deadpan expression, her gaze cutting through the atmosphere like a knife.
Gretchen stood at a distance, traumatized by the sight of her alternate boyfriend's gooey demise, while most of the Skoolmates and Fallers struggled to comprehend the insanity of the night. The Skoolmates in particular looked as though they had stepped out of an episode of The Twilight Zone, their faces a mix of disbelief and horror. Wendy needed attention for the burned wound on her shoulder, a painful reminder of how close she was to death.
In the midst of the pandemonium, Gir had to be restrained by Ford as he attempted to "taste" the mysterious green goo. Ford's quick action, after scanning it and confirming that there were no signs of life in the special collection cylinder, was crucial. He had to assess whether the goo was toxic or a potential biohazard.
As the night wore on, Gretchen said her goodbyes to her boyfriend, leaving with a heavy heart. Keef, seeming unaffected by the overwhelming strangeness, expressed his cheerful farewell to his 'Bestie.' Zim, unamused by the attention, responded with a threatening hiss. Mabel found a sliver of solace in Keef's infectious cheerfulness, albeit likely just for her own comfort.
One by one, the other Fallers returned home, while the Skoolmates were hastily ushered away. They were well aware of Zim's threats; he had made it abundantly clear that if they dared mention the events of that night or his secret identity, they would face dire consequences. He warned them that he would feed them cats until they developed asthma or even go so far as to steal their organs. The once-crazy boy, now intensified into a psychotic, insectoid alien invader, had made his point effectively. Zim illustrated his terrifying warnings by displaying an image of himself grotesquely bloated, who turns out he was not fat due to obesity but because he stole human organs and having an intestine for a tongue, a grisly sight that assured the horrified, pantless children remained silent. Some, like Jessica and Chunk, bolted in fear, their screams echoing through the night. Zim also relished being seen as the true threatening Invader he was by the same people who mocked him as the weird foreign kid with a skin disease a bit too much.
As the group of Membranes and Fallers stepped outside of Robbie's house, they were met with the familiar spectacle of a clash between an alien invader and a paranormal investigator. The cool night air was thick with tension as Dib and Zim squared off, their voices rising above the backdrop of crickets chirping and distant city sounds.
"EVIL!? You're the evil alien who's come to conquer my planet, as you yourself have admitted numerous times!" Dib shouted, his voice echoing in the stillness.
"Touché, Dib-worm! You're the one who wants to vivisect everything that is 'nonhuman'! Had you been born on Irk, you would've been one of those prattling biologists! Even your clone was horrified when he found you trying to vivisect a tiny hairy man!" Zim retorted, his eyes glinting with a mix of anger and amusement as he gestured toward the Pines boy.
"Can you guys not? I still feel like a roasted chicken…" Dipper groaned, leaning against the wall for support, exhaustion evident in his weary expression.
"Yeah, well, at least 'broken' is something you are—in more ways than one!" Dib shot back, crossing his arms defiantly.
"I can't be broken! I'm a perfect being! You, on the other hand, are just a booger on the face of humanity!" Zim declared, his voice rising with indignation.
"Perfect? My fat ass…" Gaz muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of their argument.
"What even is a booger?!" Dib exclaimed, frustration clear in his tone.
"A BOOGER IS THE SIZE OF YOUR GINORMOUS HEAD, WHICH WAS A BIG ENOUGH TARGET TO NEARLY GET US KILLED WITH THAT DISGUSTING ALTERNATE VERSION OF YOU!" Zim taunted, his voice dripping with mockery.
"MY HEAD IS NOT MOUNT EVEREST! AND SAYS THE SPACE MORON WHO ONCE TURNED US INTO BOLOGNA MEATS!" Dib mocked, his hands gesturing wildly as he emphasized his point.
"AND I TASTED MORE DELICIOUS THAN YOU!" Zim shouted back, his chest puffed out in pride.
"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW YOU WERE MORE DELICIOUS THAN ME?!?" Dib's incredulous shout rang out into the night, punctuating their heated exchange.
The two continued to bicker like an old married couple, their voices rising and falling in a cacophony of insults and accusations.
"Not this again…" Stan rubbed his face in exasperation, feeling the weight of the night pressing down on him.
"Wow, and I thought my family fights were bad…" Wendy cringed, watching the spectacle unfold with a mix of disbelief and amusement.
"It's like watching a Spanish melodrama but kid-sized," Soos commented, unable to resist the urge to chime in. Just then, his phone rang, interrupting the chaos. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen. "Oh…sorry, dudes. Melody's having trouble with the triplets. I have to go," Soos stated apologetically, his expression shifting to one of concern.
The Pines nodded in understanding as he walked away, his phone pressed to his ear as he spoke with his wife. The group watched him go, the tension dissipating slightly as the bickering subsided into a more relaxed atmosphere.
"Guess we should probably figure out what to do next," Dipper suggested, rubbing the back of his neck, still feeling the remnants of fatigue.
"Yeah, but let's try to keep it a little less chaotic this time," Wendy added, her eyes darting between Zim and Dib, who were still exchanging heated glares.
"Good luck with that," Gaz muttered, a smirk creeping onto her face as she leaned against the wall, ready to witness whatever madness came next.
Ford had his hands over his eyes, gently massaging his temples, when he let out a deep sigh and posed a rather blunt question to both of them. "Do you think an entire species can be inherently evil?"
His question abruptly interrupted their heated argument, leaving them staring at him in confusion.
"Wait, what?" the Membrane boy asked, his brow furrowed in disbelief.
"Do you think an entire species can be evil from birth?" the scientist Pines reiterated, his tone serious.
This unexpected inquiry caught Dib off guard, while Gaz raised an eyebrow, intrigued. It was a question that echoed a similar conversation they had experienced not long ago. After the Florpus Event, their father had, unusually, taken a serious tone during lunch and posed a hypothetical question that had completely blindsided both of them.
"Would that matter, son?" Professor Membrane inquired, his brow raised.
"What?" Dib blinked in confusion.
"Let's pretend that aliens are real, despite the Fermi Paradox. Imagine there are other intelligent life forms scattered throughout the universe. Can an entire race be purely evil?"
Dib was utterly flabbergasted, grappling with the idea that his father was actually entertaining the notion of extraterrestrial life. His first instinct was to think his father was simply trying to entertain that notion of alien life's existence only to disapprove it or worry that Dib's fascination with conspiracy theories suggested a fear that his son would be one of those people who visits those shady websites. He shuddered at the thought, feeling a sense of discomfort at being reminded of those shady corners of the internet.
After a moment of reflection, he stammered, "I... I think they can be dangerous colonizers, much like the Spanish when they arrived and disrupted the lives of the Native Americans."
Professor Membrane regarded him thoughtfully, as if taking in the weight of his words. Then, with a slight smile, he reverted back to his eccentric self, chuckling at the complexity of the discussion. After dinner, even Gaz admitted to Dib that their father's behavior was indeed unusual. She pointed out that this was just one of many signs that, ever since the Florpus Event, their father had been acting strangely—almost ominously, at times.
"Well, I mean…no! But a government can! They can be dangerous colonizers!" Dib finally responded after recalling the memory.
Zim sneered, "That's right, Dib-stink! Maybe you're the one who's part of the 'evil aliens'!"
"I'm not the one trying to invade anyone or serving intergalactic tyrants!" Dib shot back defiantly.
Ford swiftly intervened before their argument escalated further. "Settle down. I'm going to tell you both something—something I think you both need to hear." He shut his eyes momentarily, gathering his thoughts, then opened them to say, "Neither of you are evil."
Both Dib and Zim stared at him in shock, blinking in confusion.
"Uhm, what?" Dib asked, bewildered.
"What dookiness is this?" Zim pondered, equally perplexed.
"Neither of you are evil. I've encountered true evil. I fell for its flattery and even shook hands with it." As Stanford spoke, a look of deep regret washed over his face, revealing the burdens of his past, leaving both Zim and Dib silent, their defensive masks slipping away.
The other Pines and Membranes leaned in, paying attention to the gravity of Ford's words.
"Evil is a conscious choice, a decision to seek harm for its own sake. I don't see evil in you; I see two gifted minds ostracized by your respective societies for failing to fit into their 'norms.' So you lash out and desperately seek validation, thinking it's the love you truly seek, all the while hiding a deep fear of loneliness. Those who you looked up to have only institutionalized you into being considered 'inconvenient.'"
Zim was about to be snarky and interject, "What prosperous thing are you—"
"Let me finish," Ford interrupted with an authority that shocked everyone, except for the oblivious Gir, who was busily munching on some grass. The weight of Ford's words effectively silenced Zim.
"Don't claim something for yourselves that you don't have to carry yet. Bill Cipher—the demon who pretended to be a muse, who deceived others for his grotesque amusement—made me his King of Fools with his flattery, gaslighting my friends and family. You could see him as an evil counterpart to both of you. Zib is essentially the ultimate conclusion of you two going down a darker path, becoming someone just like Bill Cipher: alone, bitter, and weeping from within. Do either of you want to take that path?"
As Ford posed this question, the Pines exchanged sad glances. He shook his head, his expression heavy with empathy. "Trust me, I nearly walked that path myself, and it nearly cost me everything."
Zim and Dib were left speechless by Ford's words. Both were at a loss for what to say, exchanging uncertain glances with each other and then looking over at Ford. It was Zim who finally broke the silence.
"What's your point?" The absence of any jeers or insults directed at Ford made it clear how serious this conversation had become.
Stanford inhaled deeply before responding. "I'm not saying you should become best friends or anything, but surely after dealing with this Zib situation, both of you must recognize how self-destructive this cycle between you is."
Once again, they found themselves unsure. They had managed truces before, but actual peace?
Dib turned back to Zim, crossing his arms defiantly. "Only if you stop planning my demise."
Zim shot him a glare, spitting out his retort, "Fine, I still hate you, Dib-worm."
"The feeling is mutual, Space Boy," Dib replied, glaring back.
Zim held the glare for a moment before huffing, "I'll see you tomorrow for more board game sessions." He then turned and walked away, signaling for Gir to follow him.
"Sure," Dib shrugged nonchalantly, and thus the two parted ways.
Stanley sighed in relief. "I thought they would never stop bickering."
Stanford glanced back at his brother. "They will… hopefully. This time, it won't be before it's too late…" he said solemnly as he walked away.
Ley looked at his twin, puzzled, until he realized something profound: in a way, Ford saw himself and Ley reflected in Zim and Dib. Of course, the circumstances and personalities were different, but they shared a commonality; both sides were too blinded by their own biases and bitterness to see the truth before it was too late. Stanley turned to the remaining kids and said, "See you back at the Mystery Shack, kids. We're coming later." He then walked toward his brother for a private consultation.
Wendy, Mabel, Dipper, and Gaz were left standing in uncertainty, processing what had just happened. They watched as the two arch-enemies walked away casually, seemingly unfazed by the entire fiasco. The most glaring fact of all was that they had just admitted to meeting again for another round of board games—despite their supposed enmity—and this time, Zim wasn't shackled by nanobots, which had previously limited his choices of entertainment.
"...I'm starting to see why Dad thinks these two are friends," Gaz commented, a hint of realization in her voice.
"This is the most egregious form of friendship I've ever seen," Wendy muttered dryly, shaking her head.
"I never could get a good idea out of them," Mabel admitted, her brow furrowed in thought.
"To comprehend their relationship is to court insanity," Dipper added sarcastically. Yet, beneath his sarcasm, a part of him was cautiously hopeful that this might mark the beginning of the end of their animosity—or at least lead to something more manageable.
Notes: In case you were wondering, I took some inspiration from Important Messages From Beyond the Stars by myrskytuuli which I highly recommend to check.
Also, I'm going back to working on my Coven Of Shadows fic.