The diner buzzes with the hum of chatter and the clinking of cutlery, the air tinged with the savory aroma of greasy burgers and caramelized onions. Dipper and Gaz sit in a cozy booth, their plates half-finished. Gaz fiddles with her game console, occasionally glancing at Dipper, who seems lost in thought. He sighs, breaking the brief silence. "Did you see Pacifica serving tables? She's really gotten good at this."

"Are you seriously thinking about her? Focus, Dipper! We're here to eat, not daydream about waitresses," Gaz grumbled, her eyes narrowing at him in annoyance.

Outside, Mabel crouched by the window, the gleeful sparkle in her eyes reflecting the chaos within her mind. Her fingers clutch a bubbling vial filled with a shimmering, pink potion—the Love Potion she had snatched from the Love God once AGAIN. She giggles maniacally, her excitement bubbling over. "This time, it's foolproof! Dipper and Pacifica will be the cutest couple in Gravity Falls! Lovebirds! Matchmade in—"

Suddenly, Zim burst onto the scene, his green skin glistening as he burst into the sunlight in disguise. He zeroes in on Mabel, narrowing his beady eyes. "Zim feels a disturbance in the cosmic forcy thing! FOOL! Only Zim gets to make evil laughs while conducting an evil plan! I demand to know what you're scheming!"

He strides toward the window, catching Mabel's attention. As he leans in, he catches sight of the Love Portion shimmering in her hands.

"What is that? The Pink Portion!" he points, his voice a mix of authority and curiosity, having studied the weirdness of Gravity Falls.

"It's the Love Portion," Mabel corrects him, her tone a mix of pride and mischief.

Zim scoffs, waving a hand dismissively. "BAH! What you apes call love is nothing more than a chemical reaction designed to drive lesser beings to propagate their inferior species! We Irkens have evolved beyond such vulgar means! How your pathetic race ever managed to populate in the billions is beyond Zim's comprehension. Your methods are hilariously sad!"

Among the banalities Zim spewed, one thing in particular caught her off guard. "Wait… do you uh… know the birds and the bees?"

"There are no vampire bees and birdies here! Only Irken superiority! Hand it over, Dib Clone Girl!"

Mabel's eyes sparkled with determination. "Not a chance, Zimmy! This is for my ultimate matchmaking plan! Dipper and Pacifica are going to fall in love, and you can't stop it!"

"Then I will take it by force!" Zim lunged for the potion.

"GIMME!"

"NO!"

Mabel licked his hand causing him to screech back in revulsion.

Mabel tried to dodge when Zim bolted toward her once more, but in the scuffle, the vial slipped from her fingers, shattering midair. The vibrant pink liquid spills through the half-open window, drenching Gaz and Dipper.

Time seems to slow as they look up in confusion, Gaz snapping in disgust, "What now—!"

At that moment, everything stops. Gaz and Dipper stare at each other, their pupils dilating in surprise.

"No! Not like this!" Mabel gasps, horrified.

The sparkling remnants of the potion fizzle in the air before dissipating. Gaz and Dipper blink at one another, a soft blush creeping up their cheeks. 'Why does Dipper suddenly look even more handsome?' Gaz thought, her mind racing.

"Uh, Gaz… um…" Dipper stammers, caught off guard by the sudden warmth spreading through him.

Gaz's grin grows unnaturally wide, causing Dipper to feel both flattered and creeped out for how unnatural it was for Gaz to have a friendly smile. "What's up, Dipper? You don't look like yourself. Looks like we're stuck together, huh?"

"Guess so… So, um, dinner plans?" Dipper asks, his voice tinged with uncertainty, both enchanted and unnerved by Gaz's sunny demeanor.

Mabel and Zim watch from the outside, their mouths agape as the scenario unfolds.

"This is not what I planned at all!" Mabel exclaims, unable to believe her eyes.

Nearby, a few boys from school watch the scene slack-jawed.

"What a chad…" Carl mutters, shaking his head in disbelief.

"He's brave enough to woo the Gaz Beast and actually succeeded!" Poonchy exclaimed, eyebrows shooting up in shock.

Smackey gives a thumbs up in approval, impressed by Dipper's unexpected turn of fortune.

Robbie and Tambry sit at another table, the former gaping as he spills soda everywhere, transfixed at how Dipper somehow managed to charm someone as hostile as Gaz—the scariest human he's ever met. Tambry snaps him out of his trance with an annoyed finger snap.

Meanwhile, Pacifica, busy at her job in Suzan's Diner, stares blankly at the chaos unfolding outside. The coffee mug she's holding shatters under the pressure of her clenched hand, her eye twitching furiously. Unbothered by the scalding coffee spilling onto her hand and clothes, she feels a simmering rage build inside her. Jealousy can numb the pain, her only regret being that she didn't spit in the coffee instead of breaking it, since it was ordered by Gaz.

"Hey! I told you if you keep breaking mugs you have to pay for them." Lady Suzan told Paz with a frown which suggested this was not the first time Paz broke something from sheer frustration.

Later, after a short, chummy back-and-forth between the girl Membrane and the Pines boy, they stand up, deciding to head out together.

Inside, the hidden duo stares in disbelief.

The Pines girl turned to the alien, who is eerily quiet, staring blankly ahead. "Uhm, Zim?"

The Irken grabs Mabel by the cheeks, his eyes widening in panic. "WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOO!?!?"

"I… uh… matchmaking?" she replies, uncertain.

"YOU IMBECILE!" he snarls, pushing her away. "That potion thingy lasts only an hour! What do you think the Gaz Beast is going to do when it wears off, especially if she finds out!? Where is Dib, anyway!? Loath as I admit, he at least knows what to do in these paranormal situations and how to defuse the explosive nature of his sister unit! Are you actually that dumb!?" Zim added, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

"Dib was with Ford in—" Mabel begins but quickly stops as the realization washed over her.

Meanwhile, Dib Membrane is on a boat with Ford and Gretchen, speeding away from an attacking Gobblewocker. The big-headed boy is too enthralled to feel scared.

"NESSIE! IT'S REEEEAL! I KNEW IT! Wait… this is Gravity Falls, not Scoutland! Does that mean it should be called Gessie!? Or Fessie?!" Dib exclaimed, eyes wide with excitement as the monstrous creature loomed closer, teeth bared.

Ford, however, is focused on steering the boat away from the snarling aquatic cryptid, otherwise he would correct Dib on the cryptid's name.

Gretchen, on the other hand, is torn between fear and delight, her cheeks glowing as she watches Dib's enthusiasm spark behind his cute goggles.

"Oh…"

"OH YES! YOU DOOMED US ALL!" Zim shouted, shaking Mabel by her collar as if he expected her to turn into a paranormal detective that can solve all their problems if he shakes her hard enough.

"WHAT DID YOU TWO IDIOTS DO!?"

Both heads snap toward the furious voice, revealing a very annoyed Pacifica, her waitress uniform stained with coffee.

After a few minutes of frantic explanation filled with Zim being Zim, Pacifica glares at Mabel, who stumbles over her excuses.

"—I assure you, I was on your side! The potion was meant for you and Dipper, not—"

"You do realize that's roofying, right? You were committing roofying for the second time on your own brother!" the blonde snarked, her eyebrows knit together.

"What?" Mabel exclaims in confusion.

"The bleached pig is actually right. Zim is impressed by how nefarious you are, Dib Clone Girl," Zim noded, eyeing the bewildered Mabel. The bleached pig's deadpan expression screams, 'Really? You're calling me a bleached pig?'

"I—I'm not nefarious!" Mabel squawks in defense.

Pacifica scoffs, unimpressed. "You wanted to achieve your vision of how reality should be without caring about the moral values you trample on, even if it means violating basic freedoms with chemicals. Even when I was an absolute bint, I would never go as low as roofying! And here's another thing…" Her voice drops dangerously low as she steps closer to a nervous Mabel. "You… tried to matchmake me using magical potions. Did you REALLY think I would be glad even if you managed to do what you intended? Here's something to stick in your thick skull: I. Do. Not. Need pity from you or anyone! It's bad enough my parents want me to get along with some Prince Charming brat, and now my supposed friend decides who I get to be with by DRUGGING ME!?!"

Mabel leans back, realizing the gravity of her mistake. "Paz, I swear I didn't think—!"

She's immediately interrupted by the enraged Northwest heiress. "That's your problem, Mabel! You never think things through! You just go with whatever impulse, ignoring how your actions could affect others! Guess what? You can't take people's right to fail and make wrong decisions or be massive jerks!" she declares, tapping her palm to emphasize her point, causing Mabel to grasp her mouth in remorse.

"As entertaining as it is to watch how human females conduct business, small you forgot… HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THIS!?" Zim interjects, shouting the elephant in the room.

Pacifica grunts and rubs her face, her exasperation apparent. "I'm already feeling wrinkles with all the stress you damn Pines and aliens are giving me!"

"Oh? Maybe all you need is to put some leeches on your face. I've heard Miss Bitters uses that a lot, not that it keeps her any younger," a familiar sarcastic voice calls out, prompting the trio to turn and see Gaz glaring at them, arms crossed.

"Uhm… how much did you hear?" Mabel asks nervously, forcing a smile.

"You three idiots were too busy shouting at each other for an hour," Gaz replies flatly.

The trio freezes, realizing their blunder.

"...oh."

Gaz chuckles mirthlessly. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice? Do you think I'm DUMB?!"

The trio instinctively leaned back, intimidated by her outburst.

"I have to get off this planet…" Zim gulped, glancing for an escape route.

"It's their fault, not mine," Pacifica quickly points fingers at both Mabel and Zim.

Pines girl stammered, "W-well, uh… you see, I wasn't trying to matchmake you with my brother! I was—!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU MATCHMAKING WHEN I MATCHMAKE YOU WITH A BADGER AFTER STUCKING YOU INTO A WALL!" Gaz shouts, rolling her sleeves up and menacingly advancing toward the trio.

Zim screeched loudly, hiding behind Mabel and, to her protest, attempting to use her as a meat shield.

But before anything can transpire, lights beam down on them. When they look up, an alien spaceship hovers above them, and they all know what this means.

"Uh oh…" Mabel murmurs just as they are lifted abruptly by the ship's tractor beam.

In a blink, they are all pulled up into the ship in the sky very fast as all three cried out.

"WHAT'S HAPPENIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAH– !?" Mabel gasps, her voice barely reaching another shrill note and all three thought they were going to get splattered into the ship from the sheer speed, instead their faces pressed against the glass tubes encasing them.

Zita and Sara witnessed the kidnapping by aliens gaping the latter immediately dropping all the liquid inside her cup.

Before them stand two tall identical aliens—large round heads, oversized eyes, and an expressionless gaze that brings an unsettling chill to the air.

One spoke in an annoying voice that contrasted their menacing appearance, in a very annoying voice, "I'm Mary."

"I'm Fred," the other adds in a bafflingly picthy tone.

"We came to collect you and probe you!" Both said at the same time.

"...What?" Mabel asked as she blinked, surprised by the sheer contrast between their H. R. Giger appearance and their very annoying squeaky voice.

"Oh, not these morons again!" Zim whined, banging his head against the glass.

"You can't kidnap me! I'm rich!" Pacifica protests, panic rising in her tone.

"I hate my life," Gaz mutters, facepalming in sheer frustration as she leans against her tube, resigned to whatever absurdity awaits them.

"And we will do it first by probing your hairs out!" Mary said a bit too enthusiastic and suddenly from somehwere brought a handlander with many scissors, knives and sharp edges on it that caused all three to reeled back.

"Eh!? Zim has no real stinky fur! Only antennas, as the Control Brains intended!" Zim growled.

"Starting with blonde first! Because yellow is the lightest color," Mary chirped.

"But—what? That doesn't make sense!" Mabel groused, beginning to understand why Zim did not enjoy seeing these buffoons.

"And because it's numerical to take one by one in color order," Mary stated, as if it were a fact rather than absurdity.

"I think my IQ just dropped below zero," the purple Membrane commented flatly.

The glassy cylinder that contained the blonde began to move by itself, floating just above the floor like a hovercraft. "NO! NOT MY HAIR! ANYTHING BUT MY PERFECT, REAL BLONDE HAIR!" Pacifica shrieked, as if her life depended on her hair while being carried away along with the alien.

The three just stared silently until Gaz turned to Mabel and growled, "Happy now?"

Mabel blew a raspberry. "Oh please! When Dipper kissed you during that Seven Sins fiasco, you said you LIKED IT!"

"We're being kidnapped by moronic abductors, and you—" Before Zim could finish, they continued snarking at each other.

"Well—" she slightly blushed, recalling that moment, which made Zim tilt his head, as he had never seen Gaz flustered before. But then she snapped back, "SCREW YOU! I date whoever the hell I want! I don't need you, of all people, roofying me!"

"Considering your lack of a love life, I'd say I was doing you a service!" the Pines sneered.

"Bint, do I look like someone who wants to pursue romance!? Unlike you, I'm not desperate enough to date freaks of nature!" the Membrane retorted venomously.

"Can Mighty Zim say something—"

"NO!" Both girls snapped at Zim, making him grumble in Irken.

"Oh, I didn't mean romantic love; I also meant familial and platonic love as well!"

"What do YOU think you know about my life? Says Miss 'I'm gonna prolong my brother being a specter while his body is possessed by a demon to impress a sock-lover!'" Gaz mimicked Mabel's voice in an exaggerated, squeaky tone.

Mabel nearly bulged a vein from that as her face turned dark. "You ruined Dib's presentation over a PIZZA! A SLICE OF PIZZA! And tried to threaten me with violence over accidentally tripping on your stupid ice cream! No wonder you have no friends!"

"I don't need friends! I'm my own Miss Sunshine!"

"Is this what they call a catfight?" the Invader asked, looking at them perplexed.

"You sound soooo pleased with yourself! 'Everyone is an idiot, so I'm gonna be a massive jerk about it,'" Mabel mocked, imitating Gaz's voice in an exaggerated, dull tone. By this point, both girls were face to face, separated only by their glass containers, and practically foaming at the mouth.

Gaz snarled angrily, "Get out of my face, or I will break through this glass to punch you!"

The Pines was not intimidated this time and retorted, "Is that a command, Goshujinsama~?"

Gaz blanched at that anime reference, making Zim burst into laughter.

The two girls looked at Irken, surprised that he recognized the reference.

"What? Anime is one of the very few things on Earth that's worth its cosmic dust! FAR BETTER than this Western culture that is declining into stupidity!" he snarked indignantly.

Invader Zim, the megalomaniacal alien hell-bent on conquering Earth for the glory of the Irken Empire, who sneered at anything that came from Earth—while being essentially a weeb—was NOT what either of them ever expected.

Also, they noticed that Zim was outside of his container.

"...How did you get out of there?" Mabel asked.

"While you females were busy with your spat, I just lasered through the container! Those zogs for brains didn't consider my superior Pak technology!"

A clean, circular hole had been cut through the container, and the piece of glass that used to be part of the wall fell to the ground.

"Now that you mention it, for supposed collectors, this place is empty…" Gaz looked around and noticed that all the other cylinders were indeed empty.

"Yes, yes, they are stupider than you dirt worms," Zim nodded.

"Can you lend a hand and help us?"

Zim put a finger on his chin, contemplating. "Let me think... I THINK I will keep you here a bit longer. You two seem to have some issues to sort out." He looked rather smug as Gaz clenched her fists.

"I swear, Zim, if you don't free me now, I will—" Before Gaz could finish her threat, she was interrupted.

"...Is it because of that time I put you and Dib in a closet?" Mabel ventured.

Zim snapped, "Yes! THE HORRIBLE CLOSET! I can still smell that guerrilla's dirty, unhygienic socks! BYEEEE, FRAIL FEMALES!" He then ran away, letting out a cartoonish giggle.

Gaz glared at an abashed Mabel, who smiled nervously.

"I'm gonna plummet you to the ground when I get my hands on you!"

Mabel blew a raspberry. "Try it, fatty!"

"OFF ME, YOU FREKAZOID, BUG-FACED, BIG-HEADED—"

Mary gasped. "Such foul language!"

"Ow! She bit me!" Fred whined.

Fred was trying to hold Pacifica down on a dissection table while Mary held the 'Haircutter' device—as they called it—at the ready.

Without warning, the door to the room suddenly heated up to red, and when it did, it exploded.

BOOM!

The door flew from the explosion, causing them to yelp as it hit them.

Zim came bursting through the door with his hands up, declaring, "MARY AND FRED! YOU SHALL RUE THE DAY YOU KIDNAPPED THE ALMIGHTY ZIM AGAIN—!" He abruptly stopped when he noticed Mary and Fred groaning on the ground, the table upside down, while Pacifica's disheveled hair was sprawled across the floor as she stared at Zim in disbelief.

"You almost killed me, maniac!" she snarled.

"Your welcome, by the way! You should kiss the very ground Mighty Zim walks upon for trying to save you! Eh… as a side bonus: I'm mostly here to vanquish these morons." Zim gestured at the still-groaning duo.

"HIII, MASTA!"

Zim and Pacifica's heads snapped in the direction of the voice, and they saw Gir without his disguise, waving at them enthusiastically.

"GIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Zim demanded.

"I've been kidnapped! Heheheheh!" Gir giggled as he floated inside the glass cylinder.

"I'M SURROUNDED BY MANIACS!" Pacifica cried out in dismay.

"Along with kitty!" Gir added, holding Snarl Beast in his hands while the creature was sleeping.

Zim yelped, "Gah! Gir, whatever you do, do NOT wake that beast up!"

"Don't worry, Master! The twins gave kitty something nippy! It went 'ARGH! AUGH!' and then it fell asleep. Now it's waking up for mayhem!" His giggle turned into a manic laugh.

"I'm far more scared of that robot than the Lumberjack Ghost…" Pacifica shivered.

Zim's eyes went wide with realization. "What did you two feed the beast?" He turned to the two moronic aliens as they got up.

"Owie!" Mary whined.

"We fed it the nippy thing to calm it down!"

"And it had a sugar crash until it fell down."

Zim shook in a mixture of rage and fear. "Y-y-you f-f-fed IT CATNIP?!"

Crack

Meow

Zim's fake pupils shrank as he slowly looked back to see Snarl Beast in beast mode, so large that the cylinder was beginning to crack under the pressure of its numerous massive jaws.

Gir, stuck inside the glass, was completely oblivious to the situation and just waved his hand as the glass kept cracking.

Meow

That was when Zim, Pacifica, and the two moronic aliens shrieked in terror.

Mabel and Gaz were currently slamming against their glassy walls, grunting. Eventually, the cylinder dropped down, and Mabel yelped when her forehead struck the glass as the cage spun around.

"Are you okay? You're alright?" Gaz asked.

"Yeah… I'm good…" Mabel replied, caressing her forehead.

"Good!" Gaz then ran in her cylinder, hitting Mabel's, causing it to move backward. Mabel yelped, "That's for calling me fat!" The purple Membrane snarled, "And that's for the ice cream!"

Mabel got up and scowled, seething. "Oh. My. GOD! Your name is synonymous with pettiness! I always thought there was a ray of light inside everyone except for Bill, but congratulations! You're an irredeemable troglodyte, a petty, petulant purple troll!"

"'Oh, I'm a naughty girl! Very naughty!' Tell that to someone who cares!" the purple-haired Membrane mocked disdainfully.

"Well, that makes you both ugly AND stupid!"

"Ladies first!"

"Emos first!"

Both girls pushed off from their respective walls toward each other with a roar, "AAAAAAAH!"

They kept colliding against each other's cylinders over and over until cracks formed, ready to continue if they hadn't heard a very familiar shriek from a certain annoying alien that would never admit he did.

They looked back and saw Zim and Pacifica shrieking and running for their lives, along with the two idiotic abductors, as a giant blue-furred monstrosity with too many maws chased them, breaking through cylinders and devices with total disregard.

"...Time to go," Mabel suggested.

"Agreed," Gaz conceded as they began running on their cylinders like hamster wheels.