Stay With Me

by Onceforthefun

Quinn wakes up hung over besides a naked Santana with no knowledge of the night before. Until she remembers. And then she really remembers. As the events in her life progress towards the altar, she struggles to reconcile with the fact that she may be falling in love with her best friend.

2. I Know I'm Not the only One

(You and Me)

"Hello?"

Quinn smiled at the sound of Santana's voice on the phone. She had waited an hour and a half to call; she knew that Santana wasn't surprised. "You didn't stay."

"Did you expect me to?"

The answer was no, but she had wanted her to. The more she thought about it, though, the more she realized that she had it backwards. She had expected her to, but no, she hadn't wanted her to. She didn't want the morning on what they had done. She wanted to stay in the nighttime where she didn't have to make any decisions, and didn't have to surrender her hold on Santana.

Quinn shifted comfortably. "I at least thought you'd treat breakfast."

"You know me better than that."

"I do know you," Quinn agreed. She and Santana knew each other and now they really knew each other. "Was it good?"

"It's better...with feelings. Hey Q, I'm meeting up with Rachel and Kurt, can I call you later?"

"Yea..."

"Thanks." There was a pause, as if Santana was considering whether or not she should say something, but then she rushed out a "Bye," and ended the call.

To no one's surprise, they drifted apart.

The thing about high school is that you are experimenting with who you are. You are under your parents' rule, and your teachers' tutelage, and there are several entities that have near total control over your life, all whispering in your ear who you're supposed to be and you spend a lot of time listening. In college, though, you start to figure out who you are piece-by-piece. You figure it out when you either stay on campus or go home immediately following your classes. You figure it out when you read the notices on the way to class, or walk past them without noticing them. You figure it out if you study abroad, or take that internship, or join the mock-trial association, or if you become an RA. You figure it out if you perceive an injustice and join a political action group to try to ratify it, or join student government, a frat, or spend your time alone in your dorm room playing video games. You figure it out when your classmate tells you he has the answers to an upcoming test that will make or break your grade. You figure it out when you make the wrong turn on a dark night. You figure it out when you start to realize that the world isn't entirely everything you thought it to be. You get those important pieces with every grade, and with every club, and with every party, and with every failure, and when your former best friend calls you, and you choose to either answer the call, or send it to voicemail. You figure it out when your former best friends get married, and you don't even show up to the wedding.

But it isn't really until that first year out of college, once you have your degree, and you're struggling to find work, and you have bills in front of you that are very demanding of your attention for possibly the first time in your life, that you really get an idea of who you are. Quinn wasn't Quinn in high school. Santana wasn't Santana. Once they got to college they had to figure out who they were. It turns out what Santana really needed in order to honestly be her self was to be away from the people that she had used to define her her whole life. Not necessarily forever, just for a moment. She needed to spread out all of those labels that belonged to her, the one's that she couldn't change, the one's that she had developed for herself, and the one's that she was just waiting to become, and she needed to see how they all fit together. She needed someone who had some of the answers, but even better than that, she needed someone who asked all the right questions. For Santana that wasn't Quinn, and for Quinn that wasn't Santana.

As much as Quinn tried to fight it, she really was a Fabray. She was drawn to success, to tradition. It wasn't that it was just the life that her parents expected her to live, it was that it was something that she was comfortable with. She actually wanted a stately house, with a picket fence, and 2.5 kids. She wanted to walk into any room she came across and be comfortable. She wanted the gated community, and the country clubs, and the security of never not knowing what came around the corner. She discovered this the very first trip that she and Kelly took where they could have gone to Greece or Nigeria, and she chose Greece, and again when the choice was between Rio and Paris. She discovered this when Kelly suggested that for grad school she might try something more marketable than theatre, and she agreed. She discovered this when she allowed her hair to grow out, only to pin it up in buns or put it into single ponytails, wearing it down only for parties of the kind that you wore ball gowns for. She discovered this when she only marginally kept up with her friends from Glee. She discovered this when she didn't go chasing after Santana that day in the hotel room.

So they drifted apart.

But not at first.

At first they were Quinn and Santana, two thirds of the Unholy Trinity. It took exactly two months for them to get past the awkwardness after the last time they had sex, but then they were back to talking sporadically. They sat together on trains and buses and didn't hold hands, they talked about their weekends and didn't flirt, they joked on Rachel, (good-naturedly of course), and showed up at events when Kurt demanded their presence, and supported Mercedes when she dropped her first album, and Sam when he got his modeling gig, and Brittany, when she began studying to become a kindergarten teacher. They even slept in the same bed with each other one weekend, and kept all parts of their bodies to themselves. From time to time they spent time without talking, but not too much, not intentionally. They didn't let too much space gain air beneath them. That is until the day Santana said those fateful words:

"We're moving."

Quinn was stunned because she had managed to build this life where she had Santana, and she had Kelly, and although she had some of her other friends as well, it didn't count as much because she had the two people in her life that mattered the most.

"Who, we?"

Santana smiled. She did that a lot when a certain person came up,or maybe it was simply because the answer should have been obvious. "Josie."

"Where?"

Cross town would be inconvenient for getting coffee together, but it wasn't that bad. "Mauna Kea."

Quinn's face scrunched up in confusion. "Is that in Canada?"

"Hawaii. On the big island."

"You're moving to Hawaii?"

"There's a really good observatory there. One of the best places to see the stars."

This both made sense and didn't. Quinn had probably been the most surprised when Santana had made an announcement that no one was ever expecting to hear come out of her mouth: instead of dedicating her life to singing, or acting, or even dance, she was going to become an astronomer. Santana was going to be an astronomer. The person who had no definitive direction for her life other than 'fame' in high school, decided that instead of becoming a star, she wanted to dedicate her life to studying them.

"I have Brittany to thank," Santana explained, the night she told Quinn. "When we were traveling, we ended up in some really obscure places, places that were small and had very little light pollution, and you look up, Quinn, and you can see it." She had that look again. The same look that she had when she came back from that year in Lesbos, like her feet were just barely touching the ground and maybe her words were the only thing that were keeping her feet planted. "Millions, billions of stars. One night I was on a beach, I don't even remember where, and I'm just looking up at them and I was trying to put life and everything else into perspective. I thought about what I wanted, who I was, and it came to me: I'm nobody."

She held up a hand with an easy smile, because she knew Quinn's objection. "Not like in a bad way. Not as in I'm a loser, or anything like that, but that I'm nothing more than energy. Beautiful energy, enjoyable energy, fun energy, yes, but when I die," she pointed up, "that's where I'm going. People look at the night sky, and they see only darkness, but it's beautiful, it's so alive, it's so amazing!" Santana paused to look at Quinn, and she was so devastatingly beautiful in that moment, so unearthly. She was an angel who lost her wings, but unlike every other angel who had ever fallen from the cosmos, somehow Santana had managed to find them again. "I found my purpose."

Apparently. Quinn didn't believe it, not even after she had her degree, or when she was shopping for graduate programs, but now that she was standing in front of her, looking at her friend with stars in her eyes and talking about an inactive volcano on an island in the middle of the pacific and working on her PH.D, that's when Quinn started to listen. It was embarrassing, in a way, because her first thought when her friend told her that she had found something to dedicate her life to was: how is that possibly going to pay the bills? And it was in that moment that she realized how very different the two of them really were. Away from Lima, Santana had blossomed, grew, and exploded out into the cosmos while Quinn discovered that maybe she was just that girl after all.

"Josie's okay with all this?" She wasn't really asking if Josie was okay, she was asking if she was okay with this and Josie was just her convenient subject filler. Was she okay with it?

That night in the hotel, it had been a catalyst. It was the point where if anything was to happen between them, it would have happened, and it hadn't. Quinn loved Santana, she knew that she did, there was no denying that. She knew that Santana loved her back. But it wasn't that explosive love. Explosive love ran after the other person. Explosive love told the woman in the bed to cut her shit because she knew you were awake, and to sit up because it was time for them to talk. Explosive love broke down all barriers, and flew into every crack, corner, and crevice and filled it up. They didn't have that.

No, Quinn hadn't chosen Santana, but Santana had chosen her either. And that spoke volumes. Explosive love crashed into each other.

And Quinn was actually happy. She was happy in her life. She was happy with Kelly. He was everything she could have asked for in a significant other. He was wealthy, smart, and attractive (let's face it, Quinn was never going to be with someone that wasn't at least two of those three, if not all three), he was friendly, he was funny, and he was kind. She didn't imagine what Santana was doing when she was with him; she loved being with him, she loved him. She loved every aspect of their relationship. Kelly wasn't a stand in for Santana. The two of them both had people that they loved dearly, and they had successfully managed to occupy this space where they were friends and happy for each other. Quinn had just never had to live apart from Santana before, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to start.

"It's Hawaii, Quinn. Josie can do what she does anywhere in the country, there's only so many places where I can do what I do."

Which meant, as far as Quinn was concerned, that maybe it wasn't something that she was supposed to do.

"She must really love you."

Santana made her look her in the eye. "I love her."

And so she did.

"When's the wedding?"

Santana grinned her little girl grin. "Soon. Not yet," she said, "but soon. We're going to get married on the beach."

It should come as a surprise to no one that Quinn let her leave.

(We made a Vow)

Shortly after the decision was made, Kelly took her out to a restaurant after acting strangely for some time before that. In between dinner and desert, with a sheen of sweat on his brow, he took her hand in his, looking as if he were about to face the firing squad. Quinn had yet to tell him that Santana was leaving for the sheer fact that she didn't imagine it would change anything, or that Kelly would care.

"Quinn, honey, I still contend that it was fate that put us together, and whether it's true or not, my life has been nothing but better since you came in it. Quinn Fabray? Will you marry me?"

She couldn't help the smile that dawned on her face like the sun rising. She was so overcome by the proposal that she was nodding, and tears were falling from her eyes. "Yes!"

Kelly looked around wildly, looking stunned. He looked like he was about to present his case; his rebuttal to the objection that didn't come. "Yes? You said yes?" Overcome he couldn't help himself. "She said yes!"

People looked over, there was some small smattering of applause, and somehow they ended up in each other's arms, kissing each other tastefully, and hugging. Kelly held her at arms length. "Really, Quinn? It's yes?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, Kelly."

He hugged her tightly. "God, I love you. Have I said I love you?"

"I think you did," Quinn said, happily.

A serious look washed over his face, and tears welled in his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Quinn couldn't stop smiling. She smiled as they walked hand and hand, her new ring on her finger, she smiled when Kelly bought her a flower from a street vendor, she smiled when he walked her to her door, and they kissed good night on the stoop. She smiled when he seemed surprised that she pulled him inside and they celebrated their engagement by having sex. She smiled as she fell asleep with his arm around her, her fingers buried in her chest hair, and she realized that this was the man she was going to wake up next to every day for the rest of her life. There was just a pause, just one as she contemplated telling every body in her life her news, when she realized that everyone included Santana. Santana. Santana who was getting married soon. On the beach. To Josie.

Judy approved, Russell was over the moon. Rachel thought it was so great, Mercedes finally looked at Kelly as if he had some permanence. Santana called her up and offered her congratulations.

"Really?" Quinn questioned. "You mean it?"

"Have we gotten to the point yet where we can be happy for each other's happiness?" Santana questioned. She wasn't there in front of her, so Quinn had to imagine the look that Santana would have fixed her with. "I'm happy for you Quinn." She sounded so much more mellow over the phone. How was it that peace crept inside of Santana and it changed her for the better, but Quinn missed so much the snaps, the harsh words, the 'real truth' that she used to dish out? It was nice that they could talk about their feelings, but damn how she missed her pointed barbs. How was it that Santana being better felt worse to Quinn? "I love that you are happy." More mellow, less intense Santana questioned, "Do I get to be a bridesmaid?"

It didn't seem right. It seemed like the twilight zone. It didn't seem right that when she had accepted Kelly back when they were dating, had tried to get along with him, and it didn't seem right now. Life was finally all right with her, so how did it seem all wrong?

Santana was the maid of honor, and her smile was brighter than anyone else's as she and Kelly gave their vows, but honestly Quinn didn't notice because Kelly took up almost all of her attention. It wasn't until after the 'I do's' were said that Quinn found out that Santana and Josie had broken up. She went on her honeymoon wondering if anything would have changed had she known that before, and decided that it wouldn't have. She had chosen the path that she wanted.

(For Better or For Worse)

"Ooh, ooh," Quinn started off.

"Baby love, my baby love. I need ya, oh how I need ya," Santana came in.

Brittany was right behind her. "But all you do is treat me bad," she held her hands over her heart, forgetting about the paintbrush in her hand. "Break my heart and leave me sad." She gave a stage frown.

Santana reached for her hand, and twirled her around. "Tell me what did I do wrong? To make you stay away so long?"

She twirled Brittany into Quinn's hands as they harmonized the part. "Baby love, my baby love. Been missing you, miss kissing ya." Quinn got too close to Brittany, cause she planted a kiss on her lips, and then one on Santana's, which of course meant that Quinn and Santana had to kiss at: "instead of breaking up, we should be kissing and making up." They smiled at each other, as Brittany chimed in the background, "Don't throw our love away."

They finished the song in a fit of giggles, all of them with a little paint on them, Brittany with the most. They collapsed on the floor, staring at their hard work. "This looks good," Santana commented.

Brittany raised her hands for hi-five's, holding on to both Santana's and Quinn's after. "This is so much fun, guys! The Unholy Trinity, past, present," her hand came down on Quinn's belly. "Future."

"Does Kelly want a junior?" Santana questioned.

"Oh, heaven's no!" Quinn said with a chuckle. "He's not that kind of guy. He was actually thinking about naming the baby after me. Well, my grandfather. Quinton. Quinton Davis Richardson."

Santana looked like she was thinking it over, while Brittany clapped. "I like it!" She turned to Santana. "Let's have a baby, San."

Santana's eyes got big. "Let's talk about that some other time, Britt."

Brittany leaned over Quinn to give Santana a kiss on the lips less innocent than when she was singing. "Promise?"

Santana nodded. Quinn looked from one of them to the other. Quinn felt better about Santana seeing her and Brittany back together, because even mellow, more actualized Santana would of course get back together with Brittany. It was ground that Quinn was familiar with; it didn't throw her off. "I can't wait to meet him, Quinn," Brittany said cheerfully.

The hand automatically dropped to her belly. "I can't either," Quinn admitted.

She didn't suspect that they would get pregnant right away, but here they were, and she was excited, so excited. She hoped that he had red hair, like Kelly, and hazel eyes. Wouldn't that be a combination?

"Okay," Santana said suddenly, hopping up. She helped Quinn to her feet. "It's time for all pregnant women to leave. She slapped Quinn on the butt. "Shoo, shoo. That goes for my incredibly hot girlfriend, too."

She pushed Brittany and Quinn out of the room. She had plans and it needed to be an absolute surprise.

It was another three months and twelve hours of labor before Luke Davis Richardson came into the world. It was the second time in her life that a child that she birthed was placed in her arms, but this time it was a child that she got to keep, and that alone made her cry. He came out with a tuft of red hair, and when Quinn looked at him for the first time she felt home. Just that: home.

When she woke, it was to find Santana holding her baby, with Kelly bouncing around beside her. They way Kelly was caressing him in Santana's arms, it could have been his and Santana's baby, instead of hers and Kelly's. "Isn't he the best looking kid you've ever seen?" he demanded. "Heir to the throne."

"He looks like an alien," Santana remarked with a cute little smirk on her face.

"He doesn't look like an alien!" Kelly said outraged.

"All newborns look like aliens," Eileen Richardson agreed with a gentle smile for her son.

Santana smirked, but she looked down at the baby in love, and didn't look at him like Quinn had given birth to a lizard baby, and Quinn pretended to be asleep for awhile longer because for some reason the sight of Santana holding her son was just too good of a sight for her to want to give up so soon. That was until Santana looked over at her, their eyes connected, and Quinn felt like she was floating through one of Santana's hidden galaxies, alone, unattached and disconnected to anything but the eyes that looked at her. Santana gave a wink, specifically the one that she had given at prom so many years ago. Quinn was glad that she was propped up in the bed at the very moment.

It wasn't until four months later, when Quinn was rocking Luke to sleep in the nursery where he would sleep without his parents for the first time in his life, that Quinn got to see the gift that Santana had done for the baby. Above his head, painstakingly done, she had placed the constellations, one star at a time. Quinn hadn't noticed them before because they nearly matched the color of the ceiling, but if she looked hard enough in the light she could see the florescent stickers that had been silently collecting light all this time, storing it away for the night when he would be alone in his nursery, in the not so alien dark.

While Quinn and Brittany had been sitting down to a movie downstairs, Santana had given her baby the universe.

(I can't believe you let me down)

Quinn wondered if she had misheard him. "You what?"

Kelly looked up at her from where he was squatting on the ground, holding her hand, and looking at her pleadingly. "I said-,"

"I heard what you said," she snapped. She felt her world crashing down around her. She stood up, going into the kitchen. She started to pull down a glass, but paused because she was nursing, still, and she couldn't give Luke whisky filled breast milk.

"I'm sorry, honey!"

"You're sorry," Quinn screamed at him. She didn't worry about the baby waking up. There was enough square footage between them that she was able to yell. "You have a wife, and a two year old, and you're sorry? Good to fucking know! Kellen Richardson is fucking sorry!"

"Watch your language!"

"Don't you dare tell me what to watch, Kellen!" she seethed. "How about you watch where you put your dick!"

So this is what it felt like. Quinn silently thought, as she paced up and down the kitchen between the refrigerator and the table, turning every time she reached the end of the island. She stopped at the thought of the Island. It made her think of Santana, and Hawaii, and how Santana and Josie didn't get married, but she did, and how Santana and Brittany had gotten back together, but weren't still now, and that Brittany was going to be getting married in just a few more months, and Santana was once more single. She was an island. Santana. A fucking self actualized island, with her stars, and her students, and her whispered confession to Quinn that she was thinking about writing a book of astrology for kids, and would it be okay if she dedicated he first book to Luke?

"I didn't mean for it to happen."

She turned and faced him. "God, do they not teach men anything better to say than that tired old shit? You're a Yale graduate, is that all you can come up with: that you didn't mean for it to happen? How the hell do you just have sex with someone-,"

"You tell me, Quinn!" Kelly was done being the repentant whipping boy. She forgot that he was a fighter. That beneath his ability to laugh it off, and offer a quick smile and a kind word, he could spar if he needed to. He was a lawyer after all. "Twice. You did it twice, to a woman that is still in our lives!"

"Santana and I haven't-,"

"I know you two haven't, she would have told me if you had!" Kelly said, his voice lowering. Fight gone. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm asking for understanding because of our past. I didn't mean for this to happen. I was attracted to her, and she made herself available, and I wasn't thinking clearly. We haven't really been intimate since Luke has been born-"

"You find time for us to be intimate between his feeding schedule and your job."

"I asked if it was maybe time that you weaned him off."

"Breast milk is the best thing you can give your child."

"He's 2 now!" He held up his hands. "I'm not blaming the breast milk, and I'm not blaming you Quinn, this was me, this was all me. I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean much to you right now, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You are seriously the love of my life, and she…she was exciting. She was danger. I was flirting with it, but I didn't think I would ever go there, and I never will again. I never will again, honey."

Tears brimmed in Quinn's eyes. "Who is it?"

There was no hesitation. "Yuliya."

"Your secretary?" How fucking cliché!

Kellen nodded. "She's not anymore. I asked that she be moved to a different department. I've notified HR of our…indiscretion."

"Do you love her?"

"God, no. I love you. I'll even leave the firm if that's what you need me to do to prove it to you. I'll let you check my cell phone and email every day, I'll-,"

Quinn walked out of the room. She went into Luke's room and crawled into bed beside her sleeping baby, brushing the hair off of his forehead so she could kiss it.

(But the proof's in the way it hurts)

Quinn woke up with Luke's movement's, for a moment not knowing how she had ended up in her son's bed, but then she remembered. If Luke wasn't waking up, she would have buried her face in the pillow and bawled her eyes out, because god, this hurt. It hurt so badly in a way that Quinn never thought anything in her life would hurt her. For the first time in her life, she had put all of her faith, and all of her trust, and all of her love in someone, only to have him cheat.

She wasn't so much of a hypocrite not to realize that she deserved to know what this felt like. Her hands were by no way clean, and maybe that's what hurt the most. Knowing she had to forgive him. How could she not when she had first stood him up to have sex with her best friend, and then cheated on him to do it again? She had cheated on Puck, and she had cheated on Finn, and she had cheated on Sam, and now she knew what it felt like to be cheated on, and she felt so bad for ever causing this feeling in anyone else, that she called up each of them, and visited Finn's grave, and apologized profusely, because she loved Kelly so much, and sitting on the couch and listening to him tell her that he had a 'indiscretion' with his secretary, it hurt. It hurt her so very much, and she had no one to talk to about it, because if she called Santana up, she would kill Kelly, and if death were the proper response to a cheating partner then she would have been dead a long time ago (not that God hadn't tried).

So she dealt with it in silence, and she forgave him.

It was a one-time thing.

And it was. It really was. After their conversations, Kelly left no doubts. That distance she had started to feel with him, it was quickly closed up, settled, and packed away. Kelly cut back hours at his work so he was home more often and earlier. He stopped talking about making partner, and started talking about Daddy groups, and about preschools, and about foods that didn't have growth hormones in them. Quinn didn't worry about what he was getting up to, and she remembered, she remembered every day the man that she married, the man that she made vows to, the man she fell in love with.

(For months on end I've had my doubts)

"Daddy!" Luke called excitedly, urging his father forward. Kelly grinned like the happy family man that he was, and chased after his son, swooping down to grab him into his arms, and swing him around. Quinn never could get enough of her son's laughter, liking the way it was coupled with Kellen's deeper one.

"Again, again!"

They had been playing so rough that Luke's Sperrys had been lost somewhere in the park, and his shirt tail was untucked from his shorts, and if Judy were to see him she would have demanded to know why her grandson looked so unkempt, but Quinn pushed Judy's voice out of her ear because this was her family. The only reason that Quinn wasn't joining in as vigorously was because she was pregnant with their second child. A year ahead of the plan. Kelly wanted a girl, but silently Quinn was hoping for a boy because she didn't know what she would do with a girl. She was glad Shelby was raising her daughter because she couldn't help but think that she would do irreparable damage to any girl child unfortunate enough to be raised by her.

No, she enjoyed her four-year-old little hellion very much, thank you, and really soon she had another on the way.

She saw Kelly reach into her pocket, give a glance at the screen of his phone. Quinn didn't want to think anything of it, and so she didn't.

"Daddy!" Luke called. Kelly's head snapped up, he smiled, looked over at Quinn and waved, and he went back to playing with his son.

Quinn's own phone went off, and she fought the urge to smile when she saw Santana's name on the screen. "Kelly?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Santana's here. Are you two going to be okay?"

"We got this, don't we champ."

"Bye mommy!"

If Quinn was paying any attention, she would have noticed how her husband's followed her every step.

Quinn fed Santana directions on how to get to the park. Santana picked her up in her rental and drove and they drove to Home Depot together. Quinn could tell that there was something on Santana's mind, that this trip wasn't entirely random, but she didn't want to ask because every time that look was on her friends' face, it meant that life was going to change. It wasn't until the two of them were contemplating paint colors that Santana opened her mouth, and said something more shocking then her wanting to be an astronomer. And just like that first time, Quinn stared in disbelief.

"You did what?"

"I looked up information about IVF."

"You're not really thinking about doing that are you?"

Santana paused to consider two colors before her.

"I didn't say I was going to, I said I was thinking about it," Santana answered. She held up a purple.

"I told you, I want a neutral color. We don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet."

"You're going to pop that thing out in a matter of weeks, how the hell do you not know what it is yet?"

"We wanted to be surprised this time around."

"There's only two choices out there," Santana snarked. "Hardly a big surprise."

"I'm just saying, I think it's a bad idea."

"I wasn't asking for your opinion, Quinn, I was just bouncing the idea off of you."

"But why?"

"I'm not getting any younger. And I've been thinking, I want a family. I love Luke, and I love this new kid that you have coming out, and I love Bennett, Brittany's wonderful ball of joy, and I love Tina's kid, and Mercedes kid, and everybody in the universe's kid, but I want one of my own."

Quinn rubbed her belly. "You can have this one." Santana barked out a laugh. "I just don't get this, Santana. This isn't you."

"We are energy Quinn," and boy, didn't she know it? Santana never let her forget it. "We only manage to stay alive by spreading our energy. Sure, when I die my energy will join the great cosmos, but I needs something a little bit more temporal, too."

Who the hell was this woman?!

"Do you remember, a long time ago, when we used to talk about Kim Kardashian, and you said that you wanted to look just like her?"

"What's your point?"

"You just used 'cosmos' and 'temporal' in a conversation about you having a baby, alone mind you, and we used to have conversations about how Suzy Pepper's bangs were the worst thing on the planet. What happened to us, Santana?"

Santana's brows knit together. "We're growing up, Q." She answered, using the old nickname either by accident or by design. "We used to eat mud pies. Should we go back to that, too?"

Quinn turned to her pleadingly. "Let's do something."

Santana gave that smile. "Something like what?"

"I don't know, anything. Something crazy. Let's get matching tattoos-,"

"You're pregnant."

"Or go skydiving, or rafting, or let's go key someone's car. We're still young, San. We're still cool, we're still…"

"You're son is about to turn five, and you have another one coming just around the corner. It's safe to say that that ship has sailed."

"Okay, fine, that's my excuse, what's yours?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm the mom, so why're you the one wearing the mom jeans?"

"What's really going on?" Santana questioned. The question alone angered Quinn because there was a time in her life when Santana wouldn't even have to ask, she would already know.

"It's no fun getting older," was all Quinn could dredge up.

"And that's exactly why I'm thinking of having a baby," Santana said.

Images of Santana being with a swollen belly, her breasts enlarged, and with that glow? It was too attractive a picture for Quinn to easily forget about especially, selfishly, because Quinn no longer had a 20-year-old body, and Santana unfairly still did. And because the idea of that image ranked somewhere up there on level with her son's birth. And because Quinn deserved to have someone else in that image with her, enjoying it, instead of having to go through it alone.

"I just think it's a bad idea," Quinn mumbled. "What about love?"

Santana frowned, for once her gaze turned earthly. "I think that some people were just meant to go it alone," she said in response.

(Denying every tear)

Quinn heard the front door open and quietly shut, as if you could sneak into a house at 10 o'clock at night, and it not go noticed.

"Are you just getting in?" Quinn questioned.

Kelly started. "Geez, honey, you startled me."

"Where have you been?"

There wasn't even a pause. "Partner meeting ran late. Big case, I've told you about it."

Quinn shook the words away. "That's right. I forgot. Luke missed you at dinner, and Kyle kept looking for you."

"I'll make it up to them as soon as this case is over with."

"Are you hungry? I fixed you a plate."

"No, baby. I'm just tired. I'm going to take a shower and crash."

"Okay," Quinn said.

They both headed to bed. "I'll get up with Kyle. Is there milk in the fridge?"

She nodded. "Good." He kissed her. "So don't worry about getting up. I got it."

Quinn went into their bedroom, and slipped beneath the covers, listening to the sound of the shower. She was still awake when he slid into the bed, his hair still wet from the shower. Quinn blamed her wet pillow on that.

(I wish this would be over now)

Quinn thought the house was eerily quiet with just her in it. She had been working from home ever since Luke was born, but she'd taken time off when Kyle was, and now standing in the house, with Luke at school, and Kyle at the babysitter, she couldn't help but feel how empty it was. A house shouldn't feel this empty, should it? Even though hers was sizeable, even a house this size shouldn't feel empty just because the people that occupied it weren't in it, but it did. It felt empty, it didn't feel livable, it didn't feel like her home.

The sobs overtook her body, and she fell to the floor, holding on to herself, because she felt like if she didn't hold on to herself, no one else would. She looked around, and hated everything. She hated the picture of her perfect family, Kelly on the left, she on the right, Kyle in her hands, and Luke on a stool in front of his parents, smiling through her missing teeth. She hated the furniture, she hated the TV, and the vases, and the coffee table, and everything. Did he really think that she didn't know? She was a Yale graduate, for crying out loud. Did he think that he could come home smelling like a bar, and perfume, and she'd really think that he was tied up in meetings at work?

How had they gotten here? To this point? She thought about Kelly on the train, their first meeting, she thought about it over, and over, and over again. Thought about it as she waited for him to come home, thought about it as she crawled into bed minutes before he walked into the door and pretended that she was asleep when he came into the room. Kelly, the adorable little redhead with the hemp bracelet who was perfect to bring home to the parents. He wanted a family, and she gave him that. He gave her the perfect home, and the perfect family, the fucking perfect life, and maybe he deserved a little bit of enjoyment too, but what the fuck did Quinn deserve then?

If Kelly didn't still love her, but stayed with her because he wanted the façade of this perfect life, then all she had to do is get rid of this perfect life, and that was the end of it. He'd be free. For a few minutes, a few dangerous minutes, she thought about succumbing to her demons. She drove to the local gas station. Got lighter fluid, vodka and matches. She went back to her house, dressed up in her wedding dress, surprise that it still fit. She thought about it. Thought about pouring the fluid on all of Kelly's things, dragging them out to the backyard and setting them on fire. She could even push it into their pool if the flames got too high. Santana might even like the symmetry of it: what was a star other than a mass of burning gas? What was a marriage but lies and a mass of burning objects?

The only thing that stopped her was her children. All three of them: Beth, Luke, and Kyle. And Santana. The thought of that smirk, as Santana visited her in jail; she couldn't handle the smirk. Nor of the thought of Santana raising her and Kelly's kids without her.

Quinn cried herself until she was exhausted, then cleaned herself up, and went to pick up her babies: Luke from school, Kyle from daycare. Kyle, who was still only a few months old, threw the biggest fit when he saw her to let her know that he was displeased that she had removed herself, and her milk, from his presence for the whole day, and that such behavior in the future would not be tolerated.

Kelly came home early, flowers in his hand. He picked up his oldest, placed a kiss on top of the head of his baby, and kissed Quinn on the lips. "Dinner looks great," he said.

He sat down and had conversation with Luke, with Quinn occasionally chiming in. He had that moment, Quinn saw it, when he looked around, at Quinn, and his boys, and he smiled as if he had everything in the world he ever wanted. He met Quinn's eyes. "I love you," he said across the table to her.

"I love you, too," she said regretfully. They had sex that night, and as she fell asleep with his arms, and his smell, wrapped up around her, for the first time ever, she thought about Judy and Russell, and wondered if they had first started out in love, too.

(But I know, I still need you here)

Quinn checked the time. 9:45. She wasn't going to bother worrying when her wayward husband was going to come home, but she couldn't sleep. She felt the empty bed and she imagined the presence that once showed no hesitation in being in it. She lay there and she thought about the train, and she thought about the hotel, not the last time, but the first. She thought about the paths that you walk in life, thought, too, about Santana and her parallel universes to go with her infinite galaxies. What if she had chosen a separate car? What if she hadn't visited Santana that day, what if she had realized back when she was 19 years old that her wanting Santana hadn't actually popped up out of nowhere, but that she never stopped that wanting?

She dialed a number that she felt she had no right to dial. Her heart caught when Santana picked up the phone. They didn't exchange pleasantries. They didn't say anything. Quinn knew Santana was there, because she could hear her breathing, but a minute passed, then four more in secession. It was like Santana was extending her arms for Quinn to fall into, even though it was just her presence, it was still enough.

"Did you know that the Earth doesn't really orbit the sun?" It was the oddest statement that Santana could have chosen to break the silence with, but no it wasn't, not really. Was this not about who orbited what, and when? But Santana's attempt to relate everything to the universe was lost this time. Any one older than five knew that the earth orbited the sun.

"What?"

"The Earth doesn't actually orbit the sun," Santana repeated. "Everything in our galaxy, including the sun, orbits the center of mass of our solar system."

"Umm…okay."

"Think about it, Quinn. We spend our whole lives thinking that one thing, the sun, is the very center of the universe, the thing that we all move around, when it's not; it's a mass. Think of how that would change your own personal philosophy when you find out that the thing that you thought you were revolving around this whole time isn't truly what you are revolving around after all. That the sun isn't what you were supposed to make the center of your life? Even the best of us can get confused."

"Is this what you normally think about at this time of night?"

"I was up working on my book," she answered. "I knew you'd call. Tonight."

"Really? And how is that?"

"Because we're shared energies. When women have sex, they take in the cells of their lover. Did you know that? Women are forever connected to the people they take to bed. We've shared energies, so when your energy is off I know, because it's mine too." Quinn still hadn't figured out how to deal with the more philosophical side of Santana, but she wondered if that was her being romantic. "Sometimes, too, the earth gets pulled inside of another planet's orbit, because the gravitational force between the two bodies is so great that their path is altered for just a moment in time, and the Earth temporarily revolves around the planet, instead of the center of the universe. But eventually it finds its right path."

Quinn doesn't know what to say, so she says the first that comes to mind. "I was awake, you know."

It hurt her that Santana didn't even have to ask about what moment she was talking about, as if maybe she had been waiting this entire time for Quinn to admit that. "I know, Quinn." She could just imagine her winking. "I was, too."

(You've been so unavailable)

"Patel, Smith, Bristol and Richardson, Kellen Richardson's desk, how many I assist you?"

"Carmen?"

"Mrs. Richardson! How are you today?"

"Is Kelly there?"

"No, miss, he's not. He is at lunch right now. Would you like to leave him a message?"

"No, thank you."

Quinn hung up. Santana walked into the room and saw her with the phone in her hands. "What's up?" she questioned. Santana's eyes dropped to the baby in her arms because he gurgled, and she wanted to make sure he was all right, even though she knew he was. Truth, she just liked looking at the kid. Quinn understood. Five months, now, and Quinn still couldn't get over how adorable her youngest son was to her. He took more after her, with his blonde hair, but he had his father's eyes. Quinn liked that because when they looked up at her, they looked at her the way that Kelly used to.

"What's wrong, Quinnie?"

"I was going to make good use that you're here and a free babysitter, and was going to go see Kelly for lunch, but he's out at lunch."

"It's 2."

"You heard of a lawyer's lunch, right? They can go on for hours."

"I'll bet," Santana said. She turned her gaze downwards to Quinn's baby. "I'm going to steal you away, and raise you to be the first man in existence to know exactly how to treat a woman right."

"Hey, don't bring your man hating around my son!" Quinn teased.

"I don't hate men. I just really love women." Her fingers fanned across his back. "Would you like a cousin, Kyle?" she questioned. "I don't think mommy's willing to have another baby."

"You're still thinking about that?"

"I'm still not a mom," Santana answered. "So, yeah."

"It's no picnic raising a child by yourself." Quinn thought about how little she had been seeing of Kelly. "Trust me." Santana gave her that knowing look, but Quinn refused to acknowledge it. "We're just in a rut right now," Quinn said. "It happens, especially when babies come. We're operating on a few hours of sleep, we haven't been intimate. As soon as things get less….this, we'll be back to where we were."

"If you say so."

"So, are you really going to move back to New York, because I miss you." The summer was ending, Santana would be leaving soon.

"I didn't say I was moving back," Santana corrected. She fell back on the bed so that she could balance Kyle on his chubby legs. "I was offered a fellowship. It'd be for two years. Give me time to work more on my books."

Quinn fell down beside her. "How's that coming along?

"I found an agent."

She rolled toward Santana. "That's great, San!"

Santana smiled. "It's an agent, Q, not a publisher."

"But it's only a matter of time!"

"Isn't it always," Santana posed, rhetorically. "I haven't agreed, yet."

"What's holding you back? Your friends are here, you'd be closer to your family," I'm here.

Santana grimaced. "They're no stars in New York."

(Now sadly I know why)

Quinn couldn't help her eyes, swiveling around the room. She couldn't help but to look at every girl that Kelly spent more than a few minutes talking to. Was she the one? She thought about losing every ounce of training she had and going up to one of them and demanding if they were the 'bitch fucking her husband', but she didn't. Instead, she stopped passing waiters for glasses of champagne, feeling the bubbling trickle down her throat, and she smiled like she was the happiest woman alive, married to the greatest man in the world, because wasn't she?

She felt a hand on the small of her back. Her smile remained fixed until Lewis, one of the junior partners, stepped into her line of sight. "How is the lovely Lucy Richardson tonight?" he questioned.

She gave a gracious smile. "I am wonderful, but it's Kelly's night."

They both found Kelly in the crowd. "The man of the hour," Lewis replied. He offered a hand to her. He tilted his flute towards him before sitting it on a nearby table. "Since he's not here to ask, can I have this dance?"

"Of course."

Quinn made her rounds, scoring a few songs with her husband. It wasn't really fair, because when he held her, he touched all of the right places, his hands were made for her curves, it seemed, and he smiled down at her as she were his world, his universe. If that were the case then how could he be so distant? He loved her once, and now? Where does love go when you don't hold it for someone anymore? Did it just disappear up into the air, to join into Santana's infinity? If that was the case then the universe must be the most loving place in existence, because it was filled with all of the love that the world had let go.

When Kelly was called up to the platform to accept his award, he found Quinn's eyes in the crowd. He stared down at the little trinket, as if he couldn't believe it, because Kelly was a humble, lovable guy. "This is an amazing honor, and I thank you so much for bestowing it upon me. All of my thanks goes to my lovely wife, Quinn, the mother of my children, and my best friend. Without your love and support, this wouldn't even be possible. And without it, it's worthless. So thank you, honey."

Their eyes held across the crowd. They smiled at each other like they did the day that Quinn said yes.

(Your heart is unattainable)

Despite the time when they got back to their house, they heard voices. Instead of calling out a greeting, Quinn went tracking down the voices. A tent had been set up in Luke's room, a yellow glow emanating from beneath it. Quinn leaned in the doorway, listening to the voice of Santana as she read to her son. It took her a few minutes before she realized that she was reading to her from her yet unpublished book. Every now and then Santana's voice was cut off by a question from Luke, which Santana answered patiently.

After she was done reading, Quinn cleared her throat. "What's going on here?" she questioned lightly.

Santana crawled out from beneath the tent, giving a semi-embarrassed smile. "Luke woke up, so I decided to read with him. How was your night?"

Kelly appeared behind her. She wondered what he was doing, and why he was just suddenly making an appearance.

"Hello, Santana."

Luke crawled out from beneath the tent, too, smile on his face. "Daddy! Momma!"

Kelly swung Luke up into his hands. "What are you doing up, young man?"

"I had a bad dream, and Aunt Tana was reading to me!'

"You had a bad dream?" Kelly demanded. "Why didn't you just tell the monsters that you're a Richardson and you can kick their ass!"

"Kelly," Quinn mock scolded. It was surprising coming from Kelly, but she wouldn't have been surprised in the least that Santana hadn't said the same, and judging by the look on her face, maybe she had told him something similar.

Kelly turned his face to Santana. "Thank you for babysitting."

Santana smirked. "Anytime. I guess I'll leave you to your night."

Kelly stopped her. "Hey, Quinn says that you're moving to New York."

"Undecided," Santana responded, glancing at Quinn once before looking away.

"I hope you will," Kelly said. "Luke and Kyle could use a full time aunt."

Santana walked over and placed a kiss on Kelly's cheek. "I'm always a full time aunt. They can call me, or come visit any time they want. Goodnight Quinn, goodnight Kelly."

Quinn walked her to the door. "I really would like it if you decided to stay," Quinn said, before she said goodbye.

Santana frowned. "I didn't want to say it in front of Kelly, but I don't think I will."

"Santana-,"

Santana cut her off. "I'm beat, Q. We can talk about it tomorrow. That should give you some time to come up with a Power Point presentation for why I should stay."

Santana leaned towards her, and for one panicked moment Quinn thought she was going to kiss her on her lips, but she kissed her on her forehead. "Goodnight, Quinn."

(Even though, Lord knows you've kept mine)

Kelly emerged from Luke's room as Quinn was making her way past. "Is he sleep," Quinn whispered.

Kelly smiled. "Down for the count." He tucked a stray strand of hair behind Quinn's ear. "You were wonderful tonight, baby."

He leaned in to kiss her. Quinn wanted to push him away, she never wanted him to touch her again, but she yearned so much for his touch. She melted underneath his hand.

"No, you were great," Quinn said. "I am so proud of you."

He smiled that smile, and Quinn stared back at him, hurting so much, but wanting him so much. When you're young, you have this thought for how you think that life is going to turn out for you. You don't think, not as a kid, or a young adult, that life isn't going to turn out the way you plan. Quinn's life, it was what she was supposed to want; it was all a part of the plan. She didn't think to ask for a life with love in it, because she didn't expect to have it. But then she fell in love, and fell hard, and so she wanted it, and for a moment, she thought she had it, with this man in front of her. She was so in love with this man that she didn't know what to do with it, because she could feel his distance in his touch. It cut her up inside every time he kissed her.

Her hand extended on his chest. "I love you." It was a plead and a declaration in one, and love, love shouldn't be like that, should it? "Do you love me, Kellen?" It hurt her heart that she was desperate enough to ask.

"Of course I do, Quinn," he said. "I love you as much now, as I did when we got married."

He sealed his words with a kiss. A deeper one than the first. She completely melted beneath it because she wanted to believe it, and so she did. He started to undress her, in the doorway of Luke's room, and for a second she was going to allow it, to allow him to fuck her against the wall like some sordid tryst in the bathroom of a bar, but then Quinn realized that Kellen had most likely done that, so she paused his advances to take his hand, and led him to the bedroom, because she was his wife, and if he wanted to have sex with her, she needed it to be with her. And not one of his hook-ups.

(I have loved you for many years)

Kyle was occupied with his bouncer, and Quinn was cleaning, and stumbled across her and Kelly's old albums. There were more pictures from her and Santana than of her and Kelly, and she wondered for a minute if that was telling, but then she remembered that camera phones were less prominent, and people actually printed out their pictures more than letting them sit on their computer until they were accidentally deleted off the hard drive crash.

She could see how their friendship had developed. Freshman year, almost every single picture of them had Brittany in it. Their smiles were big, and they just seemed excited, surprised by their popularity as freshman, by their friendship. She caught a photo or two where they were supposed to be looking straight ahead, and instead one of them was momentarily caught looking at the other. Two different worlds and yet they had been friends, and they were so happy to have each other. She could tell the moment when she got pregnant, because then Santana disappeared from her private life, only to be seen together in group pictures. Quinn stared at the picture of her and Santana at senior prom, wondering first who had snapped the picture, and then how she had never seen it. It took her a moment to recall the song, "Take my breath away?" Why had no one told her? You would have thought that someone, at least the person who had snapped the picture at least, would have come up to her after it was printed, and tell her about the way Santana had stared at her then. She remembered looking over at Santana as she propped her up, she remembered Santana winking, and she remembered looking back, but she didn't realize how that moment looked to an outsider because if she didn't know better, she would have thought that the two of them were in love.

Then came graduation, and they were back to standing beside each other in photos. There was a year gap when Brittany dragged Santana to Lesbos, and pictures oddly with Rachel and Kurt and Mercedes and Tina and Brittany, but still her and Santana. Then there came the pictures of Kelly. Of their progression. She remembered how they both sought to never lie to the other. How Kelly admitted that he, like Quinn, felt like a stranger in his skin sometimes. How sometimes he wished that he was someone else, but he wasn't quite sure. How he wore his hemp bracelet as an act of defiance, a reminder to be a little bit adventurous and unexpected.

Then came marriage, and kids, and it wasn't as easy to see the catalyst that changed them from Kelly and Quinn to Kelly and Quinn, as it was to see what had separated her and Santana. Kelly had begged for a family, and then when he had it, he discovered he wasn't a family man? Was that it?

(Maybe I am just not enough)

Quinn felt her heart explode at the sight of Santana seriously dressed down, and standing on her front stoop. She wasn't sure where this surge of emotion came from, but it was there, and she found herself propelled forward. Lucky for her, Santana threw her arms to catch her, just like when she stood up that day at the Prom, and there was a part of her that knew that Santana would always catch her, no matter what.

"Umm…hi," Santana said, smile on her face, even if Quinn couldn't see it because her face was currently resting on Santana's shoulder. "What'd I do to get this greeting?"

Quinn opened her mouth to answer, but instead of words, a squeak escaped first, then a sob, and before she knew it she was crying on Santana's shoulder as badly as her baby, and she didn't know why.

"Oh," Santana said, holding her more tightly, more securely. "You're going to be okay. It's okay, baby."

Santana gently coaxed them off of the front stoop and inside the house. She knew how Quinn felt about making scenes. Quinn knew she must have seen the photos, because she steered her away from the living room, and into the kitchen. Quinn cried harder, because she couldn't bring herself to pull away from Santana's shoulder; she didn't want her to see how big of a mess she was. She wondered if deep down Santana felt justified. That this is what Quinn deserved, because she hadn't chosen her.

(You've made me realize my deepest fears)

"You don't have to talk," Santana whispered. "But if you want to, I'm here."

"What, what are you doing here?" Quinn questioned. She pulled back, looked Santana over.

Santana gave an uneasy smile. "Summer's over. I…I'm not going to take the fellowship. There's a girl, a woman really, who I've…it's not much, just a little flirting and a spark, but the universe, it began with a spark didn't it?"

Quinn choked back a sob. Why does everyone always leave me? She wondered. Why am I never enough to make them stay?

"What happened with you and Josie? You never said."

Another grimace. "Did you know that there are more stars in the sky then there are grains of sand on the beach."

"What does that even mean?"

Santana shrugged. "You get sand in your heels when you get married on the beach, Quinn."

"And this other woman? Does she not where heels?"

"She doesn't even wear shoes."

(By lying and tearing us up)

She lied to Kelly. She lied about where she was going, she lied about how long she was going to be gone, she lied about who she was going out with, and for no other reason than because she wanted him to know what it felt like to be lied to. She dressed up to the nines. She dressed up like she wasn't a wife and mother of two. She dressed up like she wanted to be undressed in a club bathroom. "Damn, Quinn," Santana mumbled.

Quinn smiled because that's what she was going for.

"Dance with me, Santana?"

Santana shook her head. "I'm not dancing with you."

"Why not?" Quinn demanded. "Don't you want to?"

"That's besides the point. I'm not dancing with you, because I know that look Quinn Fabray Richardson. That's the look that got you Beth, and that inanely tried to take Shelby down, and had you thinking for some godforsaken reason that it was a good idea to try to get Finn back. I know somethings bothering me, and if you ant to talk to me about it, we can talk, but I will not be the other side of that look."

They stared hard at each other. "I'm sorry," Quinn mumbled after awhile.

"You don't have to apologize, just stay sane, please."

(You say I'm crazy)

Santana dropped her off at the house, watching her up the steps until she went inside. Kelly was waiting up. He looked her over when she came into the house. "You were out with Santana?" he questioned.

Quinn popped her 'p' the way Santana would have when they were younger. "Yep."

She could see many emotions playing behind Kelly's eyes. She wanted to jeer at him, are you jealous?

"Did you have a good time?" She could see that beneath his calm exterior, he was fuming. Good. She wanted him to feel that way.

She lay her palm against the side of her face. "A blast. How were the boys?"

A strained smile. "The best."

When Kelly failed to jump at the bait, Quinn sighed feeling all of her energy falling off of her shoulders, and she just sagged. "I'm going to take a shower."

She took her time, washing off the scent of Santana, and the bar, and her disappointments. She washed off the knowledge that she was so much like her mother: she had brought two perfect children into the world, and had a life that was on paper very nice and proper, but the reality was just like Judy and Russell, pretty couple, no substance. Was this really better than what she would have had with Santana, and why did Santana always seem like her back up, and not her first choice? Or had she always been her first choice, and Quinn had just been too blind to see it? She had a thought too lingering to be passing. She and Santana could have carried on their affair, she got vibes from Santana all the time that maybe, just maybe, she was in love with Quinn, still in love if that picture had been any indication. But she had never acted on it, and she was starting to wonder if it was because even deep down in her lonely heart she realized that Santana was her orbit, and she deserved everything; not just a stolen fuck.

When she got out of the shower, Kelly was sitting on the edge of their bed, his eyes fixed on something in the distance. "Kelly?"

Kellen looked up. "Yes?"

"Do you think that we should see a counselor?"

Kelly paused, his gaze to the ground, his shoulders a sharp line. "For what, honey?"

"For us. So whatever this is that is happening between us can be fixed before it gets destroyed beyond repair?"

Kelly gave her a kiss. "Quinn, whatever you're thinking, it's all in your head. There's no one in the picture but us. Just me and you and our family."

(Cause you don't think I know what you've done)

Another early morning. Quinn was up with Kyle and had him fed by the time she was opening up Luke's door, singing him awake with the song from The Notekins: "The sun is shining, good morning, good morning. And we're all smiling, good morning, good morning. To everyone, hooray, hooray, have a good day!"

Luke smiled at the sight of his mom.

"Morning mommy!"

His toothy smile was passed on to Kyle. "Morning, Ky!"

"Let's get you dressed, shall we?"

Luke stretched beneath the covers before he slipped from beneath them.

Kelly came downstairs just as Luke was finishing up eating. Kelly came into the kitchen, fully dressed, brief case in his hand. He ruffled up Kyle's hair, kissing Luke on the top of his head. He moved to do the same to Quinn.

"I made you breakfast, by the way."

Kelly looked as if he had just planned on dashing. "Okay, I'm in a bit of a rush, but-,"

"Okay, yeah, that's fine. Give me a kiss?"

She had to draw him to her to kiss him. He paused for a moment. "Hey Lukey, want to ride to school with daddy?"

"Yeah!" Luke said, jumping up from his seat.

Quinn watched the two of them leave, started to gather the dishes up, but then she paused. Not bothering to dress Kyle in anything other than the onesie he was wearing, she bundled him up, and got in her car. She took the short cut that Kelly didn't know about because she was usually the one who took Luke to school, and ended up beating him there.

When she saw his car, sense kind of returned to her. "What the hell am I doing?" She almost turned around. She watched Luke bound from the car, happy and carefree, and she smiled at the sight, especially when she saw Kelly wave, and Luke turn to give a wave goodbye as well. She wasn't going to follow him, but then she noticed that Kelly didn't take the turn that would take him to work, but one that would take him in a different direction completely.

She followed him.

She panicked when she thought he noticed, so she pulled over to the side of the road. But when enough space passed, she got back in the lane, making sure to keep his car in sight. He didn't drive long. He pulled into the parking lot of what was unmistakably a bar, only one other car in sight, it's occupant outside of the red sports car, standing beside it. She watched them embrace, but when her hand rose to brush hair off of her forehead, she couldn't bear to see anymore.

It was one thing to suspect, but to now have proof. It was devastating.

(But when you call me baby)

Quinn watched them go inside and not come out. She almost lost it, but Kyle's movement caught her eye, and she looked at the baby sitting in the car. Tiredly she drove back home, calling her neighbor to watch him for a few hours, because she fully intended to break down.

And she did. She cried until her mascara ran down her face. She cried, and dug her finger nails into the carpet to keep her from pulling out her hair. She cried until her eyes were rimmed red. She cried until her anger took over, and then it disappeared, and she cried that special cry you have after anger burns through you, hot and white, and then she called Santana.

"Hey, I was just coming over," Santana said. "What's up?"

"I need you, San. I need you right now."

There was that pause. "Okay. I'm leaving the hotel now. What happened? What's going on with you and Kelly."

"Please, just hurry."

"Okay, I'm coming."

"Can you," she hiccupped. "Can you pick up Luke, please."

"Sure, baby. Anything else you need?"

"Just you."

"I'm on my way."

She almost screamed into the phone 'no', because that's the text that had almost killed her, but Santana had already hung up the phone, so all she could do was hope that the irony gods were otherwise occupied today.

(I know I'm not the only one)

She had barely hung up when the front door opened, and she smiled, thinking that illogically it was Santana already. At the click of the heel, she knew it wasn't.

"Kelly?"

Kelly smiled when he saw Quinn. "Hey, honey!"

"You're drunk," Quinn accused.

"Yes, I am," he admitted, freely.

Quinn decided there was no point in beating around the bush. "I saw her."

Kelly froze, and he sighed, his whole body sagging. "Of course you did."

Kelly turned abruptly, going upstairs. Quinn followed behind him. "Do you have anything to say?"

"What do you want me to say, baby?" he demanded. "It's okay? That we'll get through this? Do you want to get through this?"

"You're incredible," Quinn snorted.

"I'm incredible?" Kelly demanded. Kelly looked like he was heading for their walk-in, but he stopped, paused, glared at Quinn. "You tell me that you just slept with Santana, again, and I'm incredible."

"What the hell does Santana have to do with this?"

"Everything," Kellen shouted, throwing his hands up. "She has everything to do with this, she has always had everything to do with this!"

"You're the one who cheated."

"Are you fucking kidding me, right now?"

"Did you think I didn't notice the phone calls, the times out late, the way you have pulled back away from me?"

"I don't pull away from you, Quinn! Ever! You are the force that I will forever be drawn to."

"Then what do you call it?"

"Self-preservation! I have actually been busy at work, and yes, I have been avoiding being home because do you have any idea what it feels like to see that smile on your wife's face, and know that you're not the one that put it there? Do you know what it feels like to fall in love with someone who is in love with someone else? To wonder if...every time you touch her, if she's imagining another lover's touch. I did cheat, with Yuliya, yes. That one time. Because I wanted to feel desired. I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to feel like a man. I thought it would make me feel better to let you know what it felt like to be cheated on, to be absent, to be withholding, but it doesn't make me feel any better, it just made me sad. You want to know what it feels like Quinn: it fucking feels like you ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. And you don't even care, do you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"No! You're not going to tell me that it's all in my head; you don't get to say that you think I'm crazy, because you don't think I know what you've done. You don't get to do that Quinn. It's not in my head, I'm not imagining things. You love Kyle, and you love Luke, and maybe you love me, but not as much as you love Santana. I have loved you for so many years, and maybe I'm just not enough. You have made me realize my deepest fears. You didn't have to lie, you could have said from the start that you didn't love me."

"I do love you!"

"But I know that I'm not the only one who has your love. I don't even get to have it best." Quinn couldn't look at him. "You love her, and if you think I'm cheating it's because you made your mind believe that it was me all this time, so you wouldn't feel bad when you finally gave her your heart." Kelly's eyes flitted around the room as if he couldn't find anything to land on.

"Who was that woman that you were with earlier if you're not cheating on me?"

"Loma? She's a former alcoholic who owns the bar and opens it in the morning for me sometimes when I start to feel this desperation so I don't ever drink alone. If it wasn't for her, I would be drunk way more often.I tried to be everything that you wanted. If you had a picture of perfect, that's what I tried to be. And it never mattered because my perfection was never what you wanted. What you wanted was her. I was just, I don't know what the hell I was to you? A distraction? A placeholder?"

Kelly was actually crying now, tears rushing down his face. "Whatever it was, no one would say that I didn't try, but your heart is so unobtainable, but you have my Quinn. God, the lord knows you have mine." He looked at her so earnestly.

"Kellen-"

There was a sound, movement downstairs. "Quinn?" A concerned voice questioned.

Kelly's eyes flickered. For one second he looked murderous, but then he just folded into himself.

"That's Santana."

"Of course it is," Kelly spat. He grabbed his suit jacket from beside him on the bed. "Do you remember when we first met?"

Quinn nodded. Of course."I told you you wouldn't like the ending, but I guess I was wrong. I'm the one who ended up on the platform alone. I'm going out. Call me when it's over."

Quinn wondered if he and Santana passed each other on the way out the door. Kelly slammed it hard, loud enough for her to hear, loud enough for the neighbors.

"Quinn?" Santana's voice was more anxious than at her first call. She appeared in the doorway. "What happened? Did he touch you?" Santana demanded, furious.

Quinn shook her head, rapidly. "No, we had a fight. Verbal," she elaborated. "That's it. Where's Luke?"

"I took him over to your neighbors. I thought you might need some time. What happened?"

(I'm not the only one)

Quinn cried at the sight of Santana, her knees so weak that they gave up on her, and she sank to the ground. Like she knew she would, Santana surged forward, collecting Quinn in her arms. Quinn looked up pathetically, she felt, at Santana, tears pooled in her eyes. "Baby, what's wrong?"

It had just hit her. What Kellen said, but what she had been denying. You are the orbit that my life revolves around. You are the dawn and the dusk, you are every thing I remember, and nothing I want to forget. You are the center of my universe, and I feel it every time I'm around you, and I know, I know, I know, I know I'm not the only one.