Stay With Me

by Onceforthefun

Quinn wakes up hung over besides a naked Santana with no knowledge of the night before. Until she remembers. And then she really remembers. As the events in her life progress towards the altar, she struggles to reconcile with the fact that she may be falling in love with her best friend.

4. Lay me down

(Yes, I do)

The sun shone down on a happy family playing in the park. A woman in her mid-thirties, with fading streaks of blonde hair mixed in with the mostly brown, stood beside an older, red-headed man. They were an attractive, well dressed couple, standing in comfortable approximation of each other while they watched three children, one with dark red hair, one light brown, and the third with deep dark brown hair with red undertones that were only visible when the sun caught them, play. The red headed child was attempting to set up a game while the middle child, a chubby brunette, danced gleefully away from his little sister. The girl ran after him, doing her best to keep up with him on her shorter legs, her little hands balled up into little fists.

"Ky!" she shouted indignantly as she ran. "Come back here afores I ends you!"

Kellen and Quinn both laughed at their two-year-old, Kelly because he knew the aggressive sentiment was the direct result of Santana, and Quinn because she remembered those words and life really had a way of coming at you full circle. "Dear God," Quinn mumbled.

Suddenly, the baby, Selena, fell down, and she instantly started crying. Before Quinn could take more than a few strides in that direction, Kyle turned on the spot and rushed back to his little sister's side to make sure that she was okay. He kneeled beside her. "Don't cry, Sel, it's okay," he cooed. "You're okay."

Quinn sprinted to them, only to be stopped by a hand held up by Kyle when she got there. "I've got it, mommy," he assured her. Quinn's eyebrows rose, but she wasn't surprised. Kyle was very protective of his younger sister. Although the two of them went at it like cats and dogs, no one looked out for each other more than those two. They could get in fights with each other, they could be mean and play tricks on the other, but that right was only reserved for the two of them and no one else. If anyone dared to hurt one of them, the other was on them faster than a blink. Quinn had lost track of how many times she had punished the two of them for a crime she knew only one of them had committed because they refused to turn on each other. The threat of getting in trouble wouldn't even make them budge; if either of them was going to get in trouble, they were going to get in trouble together.

Luke rolled his eyes at the whole scene, and went rushing off to play with some of the other kids on the playground.

Selena's tears dried as she didn't take her eyes off Kyle. Kyle kissed the scraped knee. "See, Sel," he said. "All better." Selena nodded, dusted herself off, and immediately pushed Kyle over. "Ow! Why'd you do that!"

"It's your fault I fell down, Ky! You took my twuck!"

Kyle pouted, rubbing his bottom. "Mom!"

"Oh no, you two work this out. You got this, remember?"

Beside her, Kelly snickered, and Quinn hid her smile. "Dear lord, what have we done," she joked. She turned on Kelly as the kids rushed off to get into some more trouble. "I don't know why you're laughing. Are you sure you're going to be able to handle these three by yourself?"

Looking a lot like their middle child, he postured. "I got this," he assured.

Quinn placed a kiss on Kelly's cheek. "I know you do."

They let their children play for a few minutes longer before Kelly's voice carried across the playground. "Luke! Kyle, Selena. Come say bye to mommy!"

Selena immediately took exception to Kelly's choice of words. "It's not good-bye, mommy, it's see you later. Right, Ky?"

"Yeah, mommy, you're not supposed to say good-bye!" he admonished.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot."

She leaned down and lathed both of their faces in kisses, until she was stopped by a hug from her oldest.

"Santana said good-bye," Luke said, solemnly.

Kelly's voice pulled her from her children's attentions. "You sure you don't want us to come to the airport?"

"No. Packing them all in just to have a hurried good-bye is too much aggravation on everyone's part, and it's such a nice day. They should be able to enjoy it. I'm okay taking a cab. Thanks Kelly. I love you."

The kids gave her a little more love to take with her. Kelly smiled. It had taken them a few years, but it was nice to have her best friend back. "Love you, too," he said sincerely.

(I believe)

Quinn lied to Kelly. Well, not so much as lied, but omitted a part of her plans. Yes, she was going to be gone for two weeks, but she wasn't going straight to her designation. She had a stop she had to make first.

Quinn got a rental at the airport. She stopped at the florist stand to buy a bouquet of flowers before continuing to the cemetery plot. The grave that the was seeking was in between a 90-year-old gentleman, and a 36 year old school teacher. She briefly wondered how each of them had died. 90 years was a lot of years to have accumulated, 36…that was just too close to her age. Quinn took a moment to speculate on her own mortality; if she were to die tomorrow. Her heart hurt just at the thought of never getting to see Beth, (who was a teenager and getting nearer and nearer to graduation every day), Luke, Kyle, or Selena again. Of never getting to see them grow older, of never seeing what kind of adults they would grow up to be.

Quinn brushed away the tears that were silently dripping from her eyes as they fell on the grave that she came to see. Another person who had died way too young. The gravestone was a no-frills gravestone, the inscription classic and straight to the point. The years marking the birth and the death a stark reminder that we only get so long on this earth so you might as well make the best of it. The grave was well kept, and there were flowers that were only slightly wilting. As Quinn replaced them with the fresh ones she brought, she momentarily wondered who had put the ones there before her.

It was eerily silent all around her. There was a tree nearby, and a bird that seemed intent on watching her, but otherwise she was alone. Carefully she kneeled in front of the grave.

"Well, here we are," she said into the afternoon. She toyed with the rings on her left hand. There were two there, a small diamond ring, and her wedding band. She also realized she was still wearing the ring one of the kids had gotten from a kids' meal, and she smiled slightly at the cheap plastic surrounding her thumb.

"Hi. I don't think I ever properly did this, so I know it's long overdue. It's still hard to adequately wrap my head around the fact that you're gone. One minute you were here, and the next you were gone. We had managed to move on from every bad thing that we did to each other, and I imagined we had another forty years or more, at least, to work things out. I can't say that I was prepared when I heard the news, but there's no way you can prepare for when your world gets shattered is there? I never saw Beth, or that car, coming.

"When someone young is taken away, you look for the reason, you try to find the way that this makes sense. I guess the only lesson to be found here is that sometimes there's just no logic to life. I've learned a lot, since you died. A lot about myself. A lot about others and the world. I thought that just going through it, without taking the time to consider how other people felt, was okay, because it didn't hurt anyone. But it does. Ignoring a problem is a luxury that many people don't have.

"I learned how to love. How to love me, how to love someone else. Amazing, huh? I know you thought of me as a selfish bitch. But we're all kind of selfish, aren't we? You were, and so was I. Is it to contrite to say that selfishness is just another form of self-preservation?

"You probably won't believe this, but for a long time I thought about the life that we would have together. I did. At times the only thing I could picture with any certainty was the future that we would have together. You, me. Raising our little girl together. I always knew it'd be a girl."

Quinn paused, as if waiting for an answer, but of course there was none. "When you want something so bad that you can taste it, sometimes you don't care what you have to do in order to get it. I've been selfish, we've all have. I'm sorry for any pain my selfishness caused you. I'm sorry that I lied to you about her, about everything. I'm sorry that you died.

"If it's okay with you, I'm going to do my best to stop feeling guilty about the fact that you died, and stop feeling guilty about things I don't control. If it's okay with you, I'm allowing myself to live for myself for the first time in my life, to love as much as I can, to allow myself to be loved the way I want to be loved.

"I know I'm late in saying this, but good-bye. Thank you for the few short years that you were in my life, and thank you for the brief love that you showed me. I forgave you, a long time ago, and I ask that you forgive me as well. Even if you can't, I forgive myself, and I think that's even more important."

Quinn waited, as if to hear some last departing words from the dead, but there were none. She bid one last goodbye before she got back up to her knees, got in her rental, and high tailed it to the airport, late, but in just enough time to catch her flight to LA.

(Where I was)

3 years ago

"I'm in love with you, Santana." Quinn kept hearing those words replayed in her head, over and over again."I'm in love with you."

The door closing behind Santana had been the worst sound that Quinn had heard in a very long time. She hadn't slammed it, but in her heart, it felt like she did. Quinn had finally realized that she was in love with Santana and had worked up the courage to tell her…and it had gotten her nothing.

Wrong. It had gotten her a 'for fuck's sake,' as if that statement had single-handedly been the stupidest thing that had ever come out of Quinn's mouth. Oh, and then and Santana went running from the room as if she couldn't stand to be in Quinn's presence any more. Quinn had made a long of mistakes in her life, but she was pretty sure that this one came pretty damn close to taking the cake. Her husband had walked out on her, and so had her best friend.

Quinn eventually remembered her boys, and she went to retrieve them. Luke kept looking around Quinn as if he expected to see someone else there, and when he couldn't find who he was looking for, he finally demanded, "Where's Auntie Tana?"

Quinn felt like her heart was breaking again. "She had an emergency and had to go back home."

His lower lip jutted out. "Without even saying good-bye?"

"She wanted me to tell you for her."

Angrily, Luke crossed his arms over his chest. "It's not the same thing."

Quinn wished that she was till little enough to throw her own tantrum. "No baby," Quinn agreed. "It's not."

(Right there, right next to you)

Quinn felt nothing but anxious as she waited in line to board her plane. She pulled out her phone, smiling at the background picture, and upon seeing her family's smiling faces, she couldn't help but dial Kellen's phone number. She wanted to hear each of their voices and give them her love one last time before she was incommunicado for the next several hours.

"Hey, Quinn? Everything okay?" Kellen questioned, when the phone line connected.

Quinn nodded, a gesture he couldn't see through the phone. "Yea. I just wanted to talk to my babies one last time."

Kellen gave a chuckle, and she was once again amazed that this is where the two of them were right now. A couple of years ago, her life was a shambles; everything was falling apart. She was on the verge of divorce, of losing her family and of losing her best friend. Now…she was very much happy in her marriage, happy in her family, and happy in her life. It hadn't happened at all the way that she expected it to happen, but the thing was that it happened, and she couldn't have possibly been happier; despite how it did.

(And it's hard)

Over the next couple of days, Quinn was at a loss. She thought that her confession of love to Santana would have ended with the two of them together and making their way to happily ever after. But no. Santana was gone. Kelly was gone. Kelly was, apparently, sleeping in Santana's rental, and Santana was back in Hawaii, possibly forever. She didn't have either of them, but she had the boys. She was suddenly a married single mother.

Kyle was too young to be aware of what was going on, but Luke wondered where daddy was, and had not really accepted that Aunt Tana went back to Hawaii early without saying anything.

Kelly showed up to take the boys a week later, and then she really was alone. It had been so very long since Quinn was completely by herself, that she didn't know what to do with herself. She didn't know who she was, not really. Most of her life she had framed herself in relation to other things. Since she had been married to Kellen, she was Lucy Richardson, or Kellen's wife, but before that she was a Cheerio, and Russell and Judy's daughter. A Fabray. She was no longer a Fabray, no longer really Russell and Judy's wife, high school had been so very long ago, and she was very soon no longer Kelly's wife, so what did that make her? Who did that make her?

She had been rescued from the life she would have had, had she married someone like Biff, thanks to Santana (and the other Glee members), and then she'd found Kelly. Kelly had given her such a good life. He had restored her faith in men, in that a man could be kind, could be sincere, could be worth the time. He had repaired a lot of the damage that her parents had wrecked in her life.

But Quinn had never really spent any time trying to repair herself.

All this time Santana had been off on her own little spirit journey, Quinn had never taken the same time, or even a fraction of it, trying to figure out who she was. She wasn't, she woke up one day startled to realize, a housewife who lived in a colonial house, who liked to dress her boys in chinos and polos. She did love that her business, small enough to be manageable, but large enough to be able to afford a semi-comfortable living without Kelly, could be run from home so that she didn't have to send the kids to daycare if she didn't want to. But she realized, too, that she didn't want much more than that. She didn't want her kids to go to private school and have a very sheltered view of the world. She didn't want her kids to grow up thinking that money equated love, and the more money you had, the better of a person you were. The house that they had moved into outside of the city was too picture perfect, too magazine. Quinn realized she wouldn't mind something more rustic, more down home. Quinn had always thought that the woman she had become was the woman that she wanted to be, but now he was beginning to realize that no, it wasn't.

With that realization came a mourning period. It's not every day you have to give up yourself.

It took her a week to realize, another to come to grips with it, and two more for her to have the courage to admit that even if she didn't get to have Santana in her life, (and it was looking very much like that would be the case), that she didn't deserve to have Kelly in hers. Well, not even that, but that Kelly didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to have someone who wasn't full steam in his life. He didn't deserve to have to live through a marriage when Quinn was in love with someone else. Just like Santana wasn't a random fuck, Kellen wasn't her random prince. He was a good…no, a great guy; but he wasn't her knight, and she had never needed to be rescued.

Even if she and Santana never got together, what she had with her husband was over.

(The days just seem so dark)

Quinn knocked on the door of Kelly friend, Addison Fletcher's, house. Kelly had moved here when the lease on Santana's rental had expired. She knew Kelly would be there, but still she was surprised when he was the one to answer the door. She was expecting the small buffer of another human being before she came face to face with her husband, but no.

This wasn't their first meeting since he'd left; they might have not been talking, but they still had two kids together. Kellen hadn't disappeared from their lives, only from hers.

"Hi, Kellen."

The warmth that he always exuded towards her was currently missing. "Quinn."

"How are you?"

Kelly looked at the flowers in Quinn's hand. She'd brought him roses. "I've been better," he answered. He didn't ask her how she'd been.

"Can we talk?"

They went out to a restaurant. Quinn watched Kelly sitting across from her, blue shirt, silver tie, red hair that never fully allowed itself to be tamed. He had been her life for nearly a decade. He had patiently waited for her to come around, courted her, married her.

"I'm sorry," Quinn began. She had hoped to be more elegant, but seeing him sitting there, she needed to say that, first and foremost. "I want you to know I do love you."

Kellen paused before picking up his napkin and pulling it on his lap. He didn't say anything, because they hadn't gotten to that part yet.

"I want you to know why I love you, Kelly. I've never been really good at relationships. I cheated on my first boyfriend with his best friend, and then I ended up pregnant. Then I cheated on my next boyfriend, with my first boyfriend. After that I felt this weird chemistry with a guy in a wheelchair, and the guy who helped me walk again, and I dated my professor, then a blue blood asshole, then my baby's daddy." Seeing it all laid out in front of her…Santana was right, she had a thing for stupid boys.

"Anyway, Kelly, the thing is, you've been the first relationship that I've ever even been remotely good at, and I still managed to foul it up, royally. The problem is me. I was chasing this image of what I thought life should be, and I never stopped and thought about what life actually was. Or whatIwanted from it. I love you, I loved you because you made me feel loved, and important, and special. I loved you because you were all I thought I ever wanted. I loved you because you're simply the best guy I know."

"But you're not in love with me anymore?"

"Kellen-,"

"Because of Santana?"

"This isn't about her, Kellen. I do love you. This relationship we have, it was real. It was very real to me. You were my best friend, you were the best guy I could have ever asked for. You're so patient, and loving, and so kind." Kelly started to melt, tears stinging his eyes. "You were a good husband, and a great father. You are a great father."

Quinn reached for his hand across the table. "When I said our vows, I meant every word. I need you to know that. I never thought we'd spend anything less than forever together, otherwise I wouldn't have said 'I do'. I did love you, and there's no easy way to do this,"

He pulled his hand away. "We reached the station, didn't we?"

Quinn nodded. "I am so sorry, Kelly."

Kelly winced at the words. Kelly looked down at his hands. "Tell me something, Quinn. And actually be honest with me. Did you…I know what you just said, but be honest. Did you ever love me?"

"I loved you every second that we were married."

"Then what happened? How does that just…end?"

Quinn wondered if anyone had an answer to that. "It doesn't. I still love you, Kelly. I swear that I do. Just not in that way that I did when we said our vows. I didn't realize that that was the case, and without meaning to I realize that I've been hurting you. I don't want to do that to you anymore."

"What does this mean for us?"

"I think we should file for a divorce."

"Quinn," Kelly seemed to rethink what he was about to say. "Is this so you can be with her?"

"Santana hasn't even talked to me since I told her I loved her, so no. This is so we can stop hurting each other."

After a prolonged moment, Kellen gave a resigned nod. "I knew we'd be here someday," he said. He plucked at his little hemp bracelet. "I tried to deny it to myself; me and Santana got into arguments about it even."

"You two got in arguments about…?" Quinn's brow furrowed. "What'd you two get into arguments about?"

He gave a humorless chuckle. "I told her that eventually you'd leave me for her."

Quinn wasn't exactly sure what it was, but she felt like something was breaking in side of her at the words. "And she said?" she demanded, harshly.

"That that'd never happen, and even if it did, it didn't matter because she didn't choose you."

Quinn had nearly forgotten how to block her emotions from showing on her face. "She said that?"

Kellen nodded. "She did."

"W-why would she say that?"

"I don't know," he answered. He stopped playing with his bracelet. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I want you to be happy; I want us both to be happy, and I don't know, I don't know how that works out. I've always loved you, I'm sure that I always will. We started a family together. I don't want this ride we're on to ever end."

Quinn's mind was too full to fully hear what Kelly was saying. Santana had told Kelly that she hadn't chosen her? Why would she tell him that? Why would she say that? But what she really wanted to know was why hadn't she chosen Quinn? It made sense, then, that it was Santana who had walked away from the both of them. Quinn might not have opened her eyes, but Santana was the one who had actually left. Had she just imagined that Santana had loved her, too?

Quinn forced a grimace. "I don't want it to either," she said.

(The moon, and the stars)

Their, Kellen and Quinn's, house in the suburbs was far enough from the bright lights of New York City for them to be able to see considerably more stars than she could from, say, Rachel's balcony in Manhattan. After a long afternoon of talking with Kelly, Quinn took a walk around her neighborhood, underneath a full moon, and a sky full of stars. She had learned to recognize a few more of the constellations by now, thanks to Santana's obsession, but they held no interest to her, unless it was Santana talking incessantly about them. She had kind of always overlooked Santana's passion, but right at the moment she was missing it terribly.

She pulled out her phone, and dialed Santana's phone number. The call went to voice mail. She wasn't expecting Santana to answer it; it still didn't hurt any less when she didn't. She thought back to that time when they were fresh out of high school, and newly minted adults, when she had avoided Santana like the plague, even when Quinn could hear her moving around in the background of her and Rachel's conversations. She never thought about how that'd felt from Santana's view point. She could say now that it felt like absolute shit.

When she got back to the house Quinn called Santana through her computer using her Google account. She was surprised, and a little angry, when Santana quickly picked up the unknown number.

"Hello? This is Santana Lopez."

For a few seconds Quinn was too hurt and angry to say anything, but then she found her voice. "You told Kellen that you didn't choose me?"

She heard Santana sigh on the other side of the phone. "Well good for Kelly. Hello to you, too, Quinn."

"Did you?"

"I did."

"Why would you say that?"

Quinn could only imagine Santana's face, and it broke her heart wide open. "Because I didn't. Everybody and their mother was sitting here telling me that you're in love with me, that you just don't know it yet, and that as soon as you say the words I'm going to go rush off to be with you, but I'm not. I'm sorry, but I'm not. No one ever seemed to think about the situation from my view point; I didn't spend the last seven years of my life waiting around for you to decide that you wanted to be with me. I blindly followed Brittany around, sacrificing my future for her whims, and I never really took the time to figure out who I was, and what I wanted. I wasn't about to do that again. I've spent the last seven years of my life living."

She gave a soft laugh. "I've been doing me. I got my doctorate, I've written some books, I may even get my own half-hour show on PBS that probably only six people will watch, but I did that, Quinn. Without anyone telling me that that was my path in life. I lived, and I'm going to continue to live."

"And I'm happy for you, babe. I never said I wasn't. I never said that you were just waiting for me to come around, either!"

"You told me you loved me right after telling me that you thought Kelly was cheating on you."

"Only because I just realized-,"

"And you just suddenly were missing me when, again, you thought Kelly was cheating on you?"

"T-that," Quinn did realize how bad that was. "I'm sorry, Santana."

"Me, too."

"I'm not very good at relationships apparently. I mess them all up."

Santana sighed. "Don't go trying to steal all the blame when there's plenty enough to go around for everyone. I'm not blaming you for anything. That's not what this is. That's not what this is about."

"Then what is this about? Why did you leave and stop talking to me?"

"I can't…right now. Just understand that, please. I can't. I have to go."

"Wait." There was one other thing Quinn needed to know. "Santana?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you say 'good for Kelly'?"

There was that little humorless chuckle. "Because he's finally fighting for you the way that I always wished he would."

"What do you mean?"

"If he'd actually given up on the two of you, he wouldn't have bothered telling you that I said I didn't choose you. Please don't end your marriage because of me, Quinn. You and Kelly love each other, don't throw it away on nothing."

Quinn wanted to tell her that she wasn't 'nothing', but the words never made it to her lips.

"Listen, Quinn, I will always be your friend, but right now, if you need someone to go running to, please let it be Mercedes or Rachel, okay? It can't be me."

Quinn nodded, tears rushing down her face, before she realized that Santana couldn't actually see her. "Okay," she said, right before the phone hung up.

(Are nothing without you)

Santana's radio silence apparently didn't extend to Luke, Kyle, or even Kelly. Quinn found out, later, that Santana had spoken to Luke for more than half an hour several weeks ago. Luke told her that his 'Auntie Tana' had apologized for leaving, and apparently planned to make it up to him. Even the baby had gotten to 'speak' to her.

Quinn had to remind herself that she had gone this long without talking to each other before. She had to remind herself that she'd gone longer. That when Santana was darting all over the world with Brittany, that Quinn hadn't spoken to her for over a year, and back in high school. It hadn't lasted as long as the Lesbos silence, but it sure felt like forever.

Quinn wanted to call her up the day that she and Kelly went through arbitration. Because of the connections that she had through her husband, Quinn had no shortage of lawyers that she could have chosen from to handle her divorce, but she wanted to keep things between them as amicable as was possible: they had kids together. It wouldn't do any body any good if they went at it every time they came across each other, and there was the potential for things to get really ugly.

Kelly had brought considerably more to the marriage than Quinn had. Although he was not a partner in the firm, his father was, and when his father stepped away Kelly would be. Since Quinn had only been emotionally withdrawing, and had not actually cheated, and since Kelly had actually been the one to step outside of the marriage, she had some designs on his wealth, but she didn't want anything from him. They agreed to joint custody, and to sell the house, but to wait until Quinn was able to find something nearby that Quinn could afford.

Quinn wanted to call her the day that she was looking at the divorce papers in front of her and realized that this was actually happening.

Quinn wanted to call her the day that she slipped her wedding and engagement rings off, and the first time she corrected someone that she was Ms. Richardson, instead of Mrs.

She wanted to call to find out how Santana was doing.

She wanted to call to tell Santana how Luke and Kyle were doing.

She wanted to call Santana, just because she had come so used to her being in her life that she couldn't fathom that she wasn't going to be.

She wanted to call to see where they stood.

She wanted to call, just to hear Santana's voice.

But Quinn's phone stayed silent.

So Quinn didn't call.

But in the end, Quinn went to her.

(Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?)

Quinn was greeted with the smiling face of Santana when she opened the door, the smile quickly fading from her face when she saw that it was Quinn. Santana's eyes took her in, at the same time Quinn's did. Quinn missed the look of longing in Santana's gaze, because her own eyes narrowed at the wideness of Santana's face, and stopped when they fell to Santana's body. She wasn't wearing much clothing, but even if she had, it would have been impossible to miss.

"You should have called," Santana said sharply.

"I did; you stopped answering my calls."

"Then you should have taken the hint."

There was a sudden noise from behind Santana. "Mami, what's going on?"

Santana was joined at the door by a thin woman with black hair, wearing a black, silk teddy. It covered everything that should be covered, but just barely. There was more olive brown skin on display than wasn't. The smile Santana gave her was painful for Quinn to see. As were the words she spoke next: "Sylvia, babe, give me a second?"

The woman gave Quinn the elevator eyes, before stepping back a few steps. Santana rolled her own eyes, and kissed her on the forehead. "Behave," she purred, giving her ass a slap before she stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind her. It hurt that Santana was coming out to her, instead of inviting her in. She was drawing a clear line in the sand; Sylvia and everything behind that door was Santana's world, and Quinn was not invited into it. Was this the spark girl? "Who is that?" she demanded. She realized, and didn't care, how possessive she sounded.

"Her first name is My, her middle name is Business, and her last is Not Yours."

She was used to Santana's barbs; it didn't stop them from hurting. "Real mature, Santana."

"I don't have to be mature when I'm standing on my own front porch, and you were not invited. What are you doing here, Quinn?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you don't know how to take a hint."

"You're right, I don't," Quinn agreed. Quinn looked her over again. Her hands itched to touch her; Santana pregnant was every bit as beautiful as she had imagined that it would be. It pained her that she hadn't been there from the moment Santana found out to this moment right now.

She took off her jacket and put it around Santana's shoulders.

"What're you doing?"

"You're standing out in the open in a nightgown."

Santana laughed. "What worried about the neighbors? Do you see any?"

To Quinn's surprise, though, Santana actually humored her, pulling the coat around her as much as she could. It didn't fit all the way around, though, because of the very big belly that was in the way. It had been five months since she saw Santana, and judging from her three pregnancies, she'd put Santana at six or seven months; Santana was pregnant when she was in New York. Was this what Santana had meant about timing?

Quinn slowly drew her eyes away, landing on Santana's who was watching her closely.

"Who is she?" she repeated.

Santana's returning look was smug. "You ask that as if you have any right to know." Quinn waited. "Of course you don't remember her, do you? That's Sylvia Johannes. From college?"

"You didn't invite me to spend time with your college friends, remember?"

"I don't recall you asking to, either."

Quinn could feel the frustration building up inside of her; this was not going how she expected it to go at all. "Is this how things are going to be between us from now on? I don't get what you want, Santana! What, are we just not friends anymore? Do you not want me in your life?" Santana did falter at that. "Because the thought of you not being in my life anymore, I can't think of anything more painful than that. But you refuse to answer my calls, my texts, even my letters."

"I'm not the person that you need to be talking to."

"You're my best friend."

"And you're divorcing mine!"

Santana looked like she hadn't meant to say the words, but she wasn't about to take them back, either.

"I didn't realize you and Kelly were that close," she said, crisply.

"You don't always pay attention," Santana dismissed. "I can't get in the way of your marriage."

"You don't have to worry about that! Kelly and I are getting a divorce. Papers have been signed and everything."

Santana sighed, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. She honestly just wanted to just close the door on this, and get back to what she was doing, but she knew if she did that, things would truly be over, even on a friendly level, with her and Quinn, and she honestly didn't want that.

"Why are you here?" It was a plead.

"Because I love you." Santana looked like she was going to say something, so Quinn quickly cut her off. "You don't have to say it back, you… don't have to love me back, but I need you to know that. I need you to hear me say it, to your face, with no coercion. I'm saying this without a safety net, I'm saying this with no one else in my life, no one waiting in the wings, no one but you. I love you. I want to be with you, and if we can't be together, if there's a Sylvia, or that spark girl, or whatever, fine, but please don't take your friendship away."

The last part came out barely audible as Quinn lost all sense of composure. Santana softened considerably, pulling Quinn into her arms. "Shit, Quinn, don't cry."

Santana's protruding belly prevented Quinn from getting as close as she wanted to her friend.

"You didn't even tell me you were pregnant! Didn't you think that I'd want to be there, that I'd want to support you as much as you've supported me through the years?"

Santana pulled away. "Why would you be there to support me? You didn't want me to do this in the first place."

"I said that because if you did ever go through with doing this, I wanted to be there with you. Really there with you. Ever since you held Luke in your arms, I wanted to see you swollen with child, with my child. Our child. I didn't want you to do it alone."

Santana folded her arms around herself. "I didn't."

"What?"

"I wasn't alone."

Quinn didn't realize that her heart could sink any further than it did, but she was proven wrong again and again. "Who? Sylvia?"

"Kelly." Quinn wasn't prepared for that. "He was an asshole about it, but he was there. He was there when I got my consult, he was there when I started hormone therapy, he was there when I miscarried-,"

"You had a miscarriage?"

Santana nodded, sadness lining her features. Quinn wished more than anything that there was something she could do to erase that pain from Santana's life. "I did."

"When?"

"Before Kyle was born."

"I'm sorry, Santana, I didn't know."

"Because I didn't tell you," Santana said, not unkindly. "You called though, on the day it happened. And then again on the anniversary. You didn't realize that you did, but you did.

"This was something I wanted to do for me; I didn't need your opinion, or your permission, this was something that I needed to do for me."

"Do you really think so lowly of me?" Quinn demanded.

Santana sighed. "I wasn't there for you, why would you be here for me?" she questioned rhetorically. "The thing about it is it didn't have anything to do with you, Quinn. And I rather not have had to deal with your outrage over not being included when I was dealing with losing my baby, you know?"

Quinn felt what seemed like ever pressing guilt well up, because she didn't doubt that she would have made it about her, at least initially. Right now her best friend was pregnant and her first thought was how could she do this without her. (And even if she didn't say it out loud, she was still wondering that).

"And with what was going on with you and Kelly; I love you, and I love Kelly. Your family is like my family."

"We are family."

"Which is exactly why I can't get in between the two of you. Especially when exposure to hi levels of stress could have been fatal to the baby. I've already had one miscarriage, I'm not signing up for another."

They were interrupted by another car pulling to a stop on the gravelly drive. Two women stepped out, both wearing bedtime wear and high heels. One was wearing a skimpy white negligee, and her bigger companion was wearing a less revealing, but bright pink one piece. "Hey, mamas!" The pink woman called, waving a bottle of wine. "We're not late are we?"

Santana smiled widely. "No, right on time."

"She's lying," the white negligee said. "We're late as hell, aren't we? I told you not to take that road!"

Quinn could tell that the smile Santana gave them wasn't fake at all. She was happy they were here. "Seriously, you guys are good. Go on inside, I'll be there in a second."

The pink, one piece stopped in the doorway. "You're Quinn, aren't you?"

Thankfully, the white negligee pushed open the door, pulling her companion with her. "Inside. Vatos."

"It's vamos."

"That's what I said."

Santana laughed as they closed the door behind them. When it was just the two of them once again, Santana gave her a very pointed look. Quinn didn't need it spelled out for her. "I won't keep you from your friends any longer," she said.

Santana stood on the porch and watched her awkwardly attempt to maneuver the car around the other cars. She stayed standing there until the house was no longer in sight. For all Quinn knew, Santana was still standing on her front step, watching Quinn drive away.

No words can explain,

Quinn was at a loss as she left Santana's. She hadn't thought this out past her making her grand declaration of love. She hadn't thought about what would happen later. She hadn't thought about finding a hotel, or booking a return flight. She definitely didn't anticipate finding out that her supposed best friend was pregnant, and that her husband had apparently known all about it. Knew and probably had a hands-on approach in the whole thing.

That was something else that Quinn had to process. What did that mean? Was it the same as cheating? Could a husband offer up his stud services to another woman without the wife's permission? (Quinn looked it up, and no the man was not legally bound to tell his wife if he was going to give away his sperm before he did).

All this time the two of them had essentially been lying behind her back. The amount of betrayal she felt was off the charts. She spent a whole day in bed, just sobbing and going back over her life with both Kelly and Santana, wondering what was real, what was true. She was sharply reminded of that feeling that she'd gotten when Kelly had told her that he had cheated, but the betrayal felt so much stronger, because she trusted Santana.

Karma really was a bitch because wasn't this exactly what she had done to Finn? Gave him this image of a future, then snatched it away once he had fallen for it? Betrayed him with his best friend.

(The way I'm missing you)

Quinn wondered what proper protocol was for moving on. She had heard of people compare a break up to someone dying. She'd experienced death, and while it didn't really compare, she could still see how that correlation could be made. When you entered into a relationship with someone, it was like a birth. It was the start of a new person, one that was part you, and part your partner. You invest in that person. The more time that you put into the relationship, the more you see yourself growing with that person, you see a future with that person. And then when it's over…

The question of the hour was where did all that missing love go?

Santana wasn't dead, but was Santana really removing herself from her life? It was bad enough when Santana moved to Hawaii. Was Quinn expected to just accept that things between her and Santana were over? For good?

She had gone longer periods without speaking to her, but this time felt like, it felt like Quinn was living through a veil, and only every third breath was actually supplying air to her lungs. She went looking through every single picture album, through every single picture the two of them had ever taken together, and although Santana wasn't dead, it felt like she was mourning her.

Her divorce was finalized a week form the day that she came back from her failure of a trip to Hawaii. She remembered every detail about the way that Kellen looked when they'd gotten married. He had used Blaine levels of hair gel to get his hair to lay flat on his forehead. He was dashing; he looked like Prince Harry. He didn't look away from her even once, as she walked down the aisle to him. His brother had stood proudly beside him, and his sister had stood up on Quinn's side, behind Santana and Brittany. His family had welcomed her in.

She didn't kid herself that she still had a place among them.

Quinn didn't know if she was supposed to celebrate or mourn the end of her marriage. If she was supposed to go out and half a drink because it was over, or celebrate that it had happened. She went to a bar, still not having figure it out, and got drunk enough that she was contemplating taking some random brunette home, but ended up calling Kelly instead because she couldn't figure out how the guy whose grandfather had given him his shave before he walked down the aisle, and the man who promised to cherish her forever, could turn around and father another child while the two of them were still married.

(The night, this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside)

Quinn banged against the door, until it opened, thankful that, although she was drunk, it was the middle of the afternoon so she didn't have to worry about waking the neighbors.

Kelly answered looking distinctly disgruntled, and oh so charmingly handsome.

"Why, Kelly?" Quinn demanded.

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific there, Lucy. Why what?"

"You're the father of Santana's baby?" Santana had never actually said the words, but after Quinn left there were two things that wouldn't leave her alone. 1) Santana had told her that Kelly had been cheating on her. 2) Santana had said she hadn't done all this alone, and that Kelly had been there for her. "How could you do that? Why would you do that?"

"Why, Quinn?" Kelly scratched at the stubble that was growing on his chin. "Why does anyone do anything in this world? You know what I used to think? I used to think that life was simple. Boy meets girl, boy marries girl. Boy and girl bring children into the world. Children watch mommy and daddy, and they grow up and learn, and someday become mommies and daddies themselves. You work hard: you have a nice lifestyle. You play by the rules: you get happiness. Simple. But that's not how life works is it? Sometimes no matter how hard you work, you just don't get to have that nice lifestyle. Sometimes a boy meets another boy, or the girl meets another girl. Or a boy falls in love with a girl who likes other girls.

"I am an Ivy league educated, fine, upstanding, male, and according to every rule I've ever known, the world is supposed to be my oyster. I was halfway there, too. Met a great woman, had our nice house and two perfect children. But see this is where my version of that story hits a snag, you see, because that woman came with an attachment. Her name was Santana, and it turns out that it didn't matter how perfect I was, because in this story, guy who has everything doesn't get to have the girl.

"Maybe it's fair, maybe shit just has to go around, and fine. Maybe I got too much of the good in life, and I was due for some of that shit. I can get that, but that's why you're here. You're here because maybe you deserve a bit of it, too. You want to know why? Maybe I did it because I'm narcissistic enough to want to see these great, fantastic genes coupled with Santana's good looks and fucking resilience. Maybe it's because I'm not giving enough to give her the one thing that she wants the most, so I settled on giving her the one thing that she wants the second best. Maybe because I'm practical enough to know that one day there was a very real possibility you and Santana would get together, and want a baby together, and I didn't want my children's sibling to have some unknown donor as its father. Or maybe, maybe I knew I was just a placeholder in your life, and was vindictive enough to know that when you found out that the biological father of Santana's child was your husband, you would be so devastated by the news that even though I didn't get to have you, I knew you'd never forgive her for the betrayal, and she wouldn't get to have you either!"

Kelly looked like he had unleased a weight from his shoulders.

"So which is it?" she questioned.

"You know me, Lucy. What do you think?"

Kelly was a fighter; she'd always known that. He was a nice guy, but he wouldn't let you run over him. Just because he was nice didn't mean that he didn't know how to fight. Kelly had seen her for weeks (months?), before he worked up the nerve to finally come talk to her. He slowly worked his way into her life. He'd played a long game, kept coming back despite the odds. He made sure that he befriended her best friend. He forgave her, twice. He waited until after Santana was out of the picture before he proposed.

He was a lawyer; he wouldn't have gotten very far in his career if he didn't know how to strategize.

"Honestly?" He waited. "I don't think even you know, Kelly. I think it might be a combination of all of those things, and you're scared because you don't know which one it is. You have every right to be mad, to be pissed. When we're consumed with love, though, we sometimes do things that even we don't know why we do them. I stand by what I said before, I think you're a good guy. I'll never stop thinking that about you, and I'll never regret that we got married, that we had Luke and Kyle. I don't regret it, and I don't regret us. I hope you don't either."

Kellen very stiffly shook his head. "I don't."

(These tears, they tell their own story)

By the time this was all said and done, Quinn was sure that with the frequently flier miles she was racking up with her Visa, she'd be able to fly to anywhere in the world that she wanted to, free, for the next 10 years.

A month later, during Kelly's week to watch the kids, Quinn ended back on Santana's doorstep. This time better prepared than she had been before: she'd come with gifts. Food. When Santana was younger, she really, really liked those orange slices. She came bearing a gift of those and Breadstix, and by the look in her eyes when Quinn showed her the gift (I hate you for making me want this enough to talk to you), Quinn knew that it was worth the cost of having to pay to have the frozen Breadstix shipped overnight to her.

Santana invited her inside the cabin, and Quinn sat down on Santana's couch, while Santana took the love seat across from her. "Santana, I know that you have your reasons for not wanting to talk to me right now, but please just let me say my peace. After I'm done, if you still feel the same way, I'll leave it, and I won't bother you again."

"That's such a load of shit," Santana snapped. "You're not going to leave it alone. You're going to go home, and you're going to think about it, and you're going to write me letters, or Skype me, or rent a blimp in the sky, until I cave, and that's not fair, Quinn Richardson, it's not!"

Santana started to sob. Quinn panicked. She started to get up, wanting to move closer to Santana, but she held a hand up. "No, don't." Santana wiped her tears away, only for them to be quickly replaced. "You're not fighting fair, and you know it! It isn't fair for you to be here right now because I'm pregnant, and I have all these feelings, like this." She gestured to her tears. "And I'msoemotional. I'm crying right now, when I am actually so angry. I really just want to say I hate you for bringing me Breadstix because I've been craving them for months, and I really just want to eat them, and you won't give them to me until after you talk, and I don't want to hear you talk. And even if you were nice enough to give them to me without us talking, that would just make me like you even more than I already do, and it's not fair! I wish I didn't love you, Quinn. I wish I had never come to New York this summer, because if I didn't, I might not have ever realized how much I love you. Because I do, I do love you. And I don't know how that can possible be right, because if we get together, I'm hurting Kelly, and if we don't, I'm hurting me. And I don't want anyone to hurt, I just want some fucking Breadstix!"

"I promise, San, if you want me to leave after this, I will, and I won't try to contact you again."

"I know you Quinn, you hate to lose. You don't know how to walk away."

"I'm learning," Quinn said. "You knew me, Santana, but I am so far removed from that girl who had to be the best, who always had something to prove, that I don't even recognize myself. I've got nothing to prove to you! I came here to say this: I love you. I don't know if you and I are meant to be together forever, I don't know if you and I are ever meant to be together at all. I don't know what's going through your mind, or your heart, but I do know this: I love you. Right now, that's the only truth I know.

"For the last couple of months I've been trying to sort all of this out because I've felt like I've loved you forever, but how could that be when I loved Puck, and I was in love with Kellen. That was real, and it was honest, and Kelly has never been a place holder for you. Never. So I've been trying to figure it out, and in the end I had to do some old fashioned book learning to find the answer."

Santana snorted, because of course Quinn did. "I had to look to your planets to help me." That, though, Santana wasn't expecting. Quinn had her attention. She wiped at her eyes.

"The sun, or its mass, is the center of our universe, right?" Santana nodded. Quinn inwardly gave a sigh of relief because that at least meant that Santana was willing to listen. "It's the point where all things revolve. Well, to the moon, the Earth is kind of like its sun." Santana looked to correct her, but was cut off. "Just go with it, it's a metaphor.

"The moon orbits the Earth, which means that it is in a constant state of continuously falling towards the earth, but because Earth is constantly in motion as well, it doesn't crash into it, it just exists in a state of continuous free-fall toward the object it's eternally fated to chase, but not catch. When I read that, everything just kind of clicked, you know? Santana, I realized that I will never fall in love with you because I'm in a constant state of falling in love with you. Do you see? When you hold me up, when you hold my hand, when you look at me, when you smile, when you claim me as yours, I fall more into your orbit. I fall, and I fall, and I fall, but I never land."

When their eyes met, they were revolving tiny orbs, moving around, over and through each other. "I don't ever want to land. I know I have the worst track record in the relationship department; I can't promise you forever. Even the universe promises to some day end, right?"

Santana nodded. "I can promise you, now, though. I can promise you today. I can hold your hand, and look you in the eye, and tell you that I love you, and that even if this crashes miserably, I will still fall in love with you, over and over. No matter what, we'll always be in each other's lives until fate separates us, because we are bonded to each other, in more ways than one. We've shared energies. We're apart of each other, even after we die."

More tears fell from Santana's eyes, but she didn't say anything else. When it got to the point that Quinn realized that she wasn't going to saying anything at all, she awkwardly got to her feet. She had done everything that she could do. "That's all I wanted to say."

She started to walk away. Santana let her almost reach the door before she stopped her. "Quinn?"

Quinn froze, hopeful, but not wanting to get her hopes up. "Ask me what you really came here to ask?"

Quinn turned, face wide open and every emotion she was feeling spread out easily over it for anyone to read. "Will you marry me?"

She was thrown off by the startled look on Santana's face, but damn if it wasn't the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. "Shit, Fabray," Santana gasped. "I thought you were just going to ask me out."

Relief rushed over Quinn, and finally, finally it felt like she could breathe again. "That, too. Santana, will you go out with me?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Well, duh."

"You will?"

"Yes!"

"And will you marry me?"

"How about we just go on the date first?"

"Ok."

(You told me not to cry when you were gone)

Quinn startled awake when her plane touched down at LAX. Her window seat was pretty near the back of the plane, so she waited patiently until the plane was practically empty before she stood up and gathered her bags. As many times as she flew she could never really figure out why passengers hopped up as soon as the seat-belt sign had gone off, as if there was anywhere to go.

She smiled congenially at the flight attendants, ignoring the wink of the pilot as she walked out into the terminal. She had a several hours wait until her connecting flight, and she was mildly irritated that she had to spend it at LAX. Out of all of the airports that Quinn had traveled through, this one was one of her least favorites.

She loved DFW. Sometimes, when a layover was inevitable, she flew American Airlines, just so she knew her layover would be in Dallas. DFW was like its own mini world. All of the gates were seamlessly connected to each other, so even though it was nearly the same size as LAX, it seemed far bigger. You could literally walk a mile inside of the airport, and still not be in danger of leaving. There was no shortage of shops, places to eat, places to relax; it even had a gym.

Maybe she was flying the wrong airlines, but LAX wasn't like that at all. None of the gates connected to each other, it was disorganized, and there were only a few places to eat in each gate. The only thing that it had going for it, in her opinion, was that feeling that you might run into a celebrity at any time, though she never had.

Grumpily, she settled for an overpriced sandwich and a $12 mixed drink, and found a quiet corner to herself. She pulled out her laptop, and turned it on. Her background was a picture of her and Santana, invincible and laughing at the world. Quinn thought back to her brief stop at the cemetery, and felt a few errant tears fall. It was just enough to irritate the skin, not enough to be considered a flow; easy enough to wipe away with a napkin.

You told me not to cry.

Quinn could feel travel fatigue settling and she still had at least nine hours to go before she would reach her final destination. And then there was the task at hand once she touched down. The packing up of a life, sifting through the things of importance, figuring out what should be shipped, what needed to be left behind.

Quinn absently played with the ring on her finger, before opening up a blank Word document.Santana Lopezshe typed, her fingers stilling on the keyboard.I met Santana on the first day of cheer camp, the summer before our freshman year of high school.

Quinn was taken back to that summer, her first impressions of her, them becoming more co-conspirators than friends. It was pretty much hate at first sight, but Quinn was a good Fabray and she knew, you kept the ones you hated closely to your side. She never questioned why it was Brittany that Santana had developed the true friendship with, but she was always jealous that Brittany had been able to win the hard girl over much easily than she had ever been able to.

I knew right then that this girl was going to be my biggest challenge in life.

(But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong)

Dating a pregnant Santana was…interesting, to say the least. And by interesting, read pretty close to poking a fire breathing Hungarian Horntail, that would go from explosive to weeping in a matter of seconds. Santana had always been both hot and cold, prone to a temper, and prone to tears, and the pregnancy exacerbated it. They went on at least one date per day, while Quinn was in town, sometimes, two.

Dating, they both quickly realized, was different than simply being friends with someone. There was actually things to learn about each other that they didn't know. She only got a brief glimpse into Santana's life during the two and a half, sometimes three months that Santana spent with them during the summer. There was a whole nine months' time frame that was missing. Multiply that by seven plus years, and that was a lot of learning each other.

Quinn knew about the books, she didn't know about the TV program. Even though Quinn had her own group of women that she surrounded herself with outside of the Glee kids, she was surprised that Santana had a huge circle of friends in Hawaii, especially considering that Santana had never really made friends easily. At least not in high school. College had, apparently, changed that.

The amount of stuff that they didn't know about each other was so daunting, but it wasn't enough for Quinn to want to call it quits. Santana was who she wanted, and she was willing to put in the work.

She realized that she and Kellen had stopped talking; she wasn't even sure when. They had never really been the type to talk for hours, more like fall silent and be content in each other's company. She was comfortable in Santana's company, but because there was an ocean and a continent between them, silence was not something that they could be. She wondered when she stopped talking to Kellen, she wondered when that spark had faded, and she wondered why she hadn't noticed that it had at the time.

"How's the picture?" Santana questioned, on one of their nightly Skype sessions.

"It's perfect, Santana."

"Okay, can you see this?" She turned the iPad around so that Quinn could see the glider. "My rocket scientist friend, Sophia, bought this for me! So when I want to rock, I just fold this down, like this, and rock. And when I want to glide,"

She put the attachment back up, and showed the more gentle gliding motion.

Santana suddenly squealed. "Two more months. Just two more months."

"And you'll call as soon as you go into labor?"

"Yes, babe. As soon as I have my first contraction. Lopez women have long labors so you'll have plenty of time."

"The shortest flight out takes 11 hours and 10 minutes. I was only in labor with Beth for 6 hours. I should come early. Maybe I should fly in on the 28th."

"That's a whole week before the baby's due!"

"Baby comes when the baby's ready, not when the doctor says its due."

Santana rolled her eyes. "If you didn't know better, you would think that this was your first pregnancy and not mine. Can't wait to see you."

(Can I lay by your side)

The pink one-piece met her at the airport. "The name's Sharon," the woman greeted her.

"Quinn."

"I know. We didn't get introduced at Santana's shower. Figure since I'm being your chauffeur and all, might as well know each other's name."

"You don't have to chauffeur me at all. I can catch a cab, or Uber."

She held up a hand. "Unclench, babe. I told Santana I'd take care of her girl, so that's what I'm gonna do."

Besides Santana, there were three other people at the house when Quinn got there. Hannah-Beth, who was apparently manning the kitchen, Sophia, who Quinn recognized as the black teddy and had been informed was the spark girl, and Yoli, who Quinn had never met. Santana herself was in bed, and Quinn didn't like the look of her.

"Did you go into labor already?" Quinn questioned, anxiously.

Santana shook her head. "Just a little sick, and I already went to the doctor's about it. He says its nothing to worry about. Hanna-Beth and Sophia are colleagues from the University. Yoli's the midwife."

"Mid-wife?" That Santana did not plan on having the baby at the hospital had not yet worked its way into any of the numerous conversations the two of them had had.

"She's delivered hundreds of baby's Quinn."

"Thousands," Yoli corrected.

"And if anything goes wrong, we'll go to the hospital."

"How far is it away from here?"

"Close enough, love."

Yoli sat something on the chair beneath the window. "I'll check in on you again tomorrow, Santana. Shouldn't be long now."

Quinn walked her to the door, and when she came back Santana waved her to the bed. "Have you been in bed all day?"

"On and off, but I'm going to go for a really long walk, soon. Right now, I just want to lay here, with you."

Quinn slid off of her shoes and joined Santana beneath the covers. Santana turned in to Quinn, resting her head against her chest. Quinn held her to her. She felt warm. "Promise you're not sick?"

"Promise," Santana murmured. She rested there for a few seconds, before she lifted her head. "I do have to have an uncomfortable conversation with you, though."

Quinn stiffened, adjusting so that they were looking at each other. "About what?"

"What if's."

Santana leaned over to remove a notebook from the drawer of her night stand. "What kind of what ifs?"

"The kind that you don't want to think about, but you have to anyway." She flipped a couple of pages. "My living will. If I die in labor, or from complications, etc. etc. Just so you know, my mom wants me to be buried in Columbus. We have a family plot. As for custody." Santana made sure that Quinn was looking at her. "Kelly will have full custody. We're not married, yet, we're not getting married before she's born, and Kelly having custody won't be challenged in court. He knows that my mom and dad want to be in her life, but I really want you two to be able to co-parent together, if something happens to me."

Santana was saying something without saying it in that statement. "San, we already have two children together; we know how to put things aside to parent."

"I just want to make sure that you can. If I can't be there to raise my daughter, I want to know that she is raised by two people who love her, and love each other."

"You have my promise that Kelly and I will be able to put whatever feelings we have for each other aside to parent our children."

"That's all that I'm asking," Santana said.

"If-," Quinn swallowed, the words like bile in her throat. "What name did you want to name her?"

"Well. I thought that since Kellen named Luke, and I named Kyle, that you should get the chance to choose her name."

"Really?"

Santana gave a small smile. "I liked the name Beth. It was better than drizzle at least."

"Puck named her Beth, remember?"

"Oh, I forgot. I trust you."

Quinn had thought about it, but she didn't think that she'd have any say in the baby's name. "I know that you were thinking about naming her Diana, because of the moon, and your ties to the stars, but I was thinking about a different name. Luke's Luke for Lucy, and Kyle's Kyle for Kelly, so I was thinking, and you don't have to if you don't want to, but what about Selena? Your baby would still be the moon goddess, but it's kind of like naming her after you, too."

Santana worked the name over on her tongue. "I like it. Selena it is. Iris for the middle name. I know it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, but she's my rainbow baby, and I want to acknowledge that."

"Okay," Quinn agreed.

She wrote the name down in the notebook, then sat the book back on the nightstand. "Now that that's out of the way."

She lay back down, pulling Quinn with her. "We can get our snuggles on."

"We're just talking what-ifs, though, right?"

Santana nodded. "Of course. Still, it's always good to have everyone on the same page."

(Next to You)

Quinn startled awake, not realizing the cause, until she turned over to see Santana's face twisted in obvious pain. She kicked at the sheets, until her legs were free from them. "Santana?"

Santana's face was screwed up in pain. "Call Yoli, please. Her number's," she grunted, "Her number's already in your phone."

Quinn quickly scrambled from the bed, reaching for her cell phone, which was right where it was supposed to be on the nightstand. Remembering the three children she safely brought into the world, she fought for calm. "Um...Yoli, uh yes, it's Quinn. I think Santana's gone into labor."

Yoli gave her her reassurance that she would be there in 40 minutes or so. Quinn looked at Santana's pale face, the sweat trickling down her brow. "San, I think we should call an ambulance."

"Don't need one," Santana panted. "I'm having the baby here. Wake up Hannah-Beth, please," her voice was unnaturally calm.

Quinn couldn't figure out why Hannah-Beth had taken up residence there, but the mid-wife was 40 minutes away. Quinn had to leave the room because she couldn't look at Santana and not do anything. She woke up Hannah-Beth, and went into the kitchen and set a pot to boil while her phone dialed to New York.

"Hello?" Quinn frowned at the chirper voice of her ex-husband until she remembered the time difference. It was already morning in New York.

"Santana went into labor." She wasn't able to match Santana's calm.

"Something's off in your voice," Kelly noted. "Something wrong?"

"I-I don't know. Santana says that nothing's wrong, but she's…in pain. I've never been on the other side of this, you know?"

Kelly, too, was calm. "Well, I have. So, deep breaths. There's nothing you can do, and babies will come with or without help. They have been for millennia."

But women have been dying from childbirth for that long, too, Quinn thought, but didn't say.

"I wish you were here," Quinn whispered.

"I wish I was there, too. And I will be as soon as Luke's out of school for the year. Keep me in the loop, and remember, deep breaths, Quinn."

When Quinn went back into the room, Hannah-Beth was coaxing Santana to get out of the bed. So far all she had managed to do was sit up, and that looked like that that small task nearly killed her. 20 minutes later there was a knock on the door, but it was just one of Santana's friends. So was the next.

20 minutes later, Santana had managed to find her feet, only to fall back to the bed after only the slightest pressure. She laughed. "Man, imagine having to deal with this belly all the time," she joked. "Quinn?"

"Right here, love. By your side. Not going anywhere."

She smiled, sinking against her. "Love you."

The next ringwasYoli. There was absolutely no rush in her stride as she came down the walk, and into the house. She stood in front of Santana. "How do you feel?"

"Like something's inside of me, trying to claw its way out."

Quinn wished she wouldn't joke so much. But maybe Kellen was right. Maybe it just seemed worse because she was watching, and not going through it.

That thought was immediately washed from her mind when Yoli insisted that Santana stand up. Everyone had eyes on Santana, and keeping her on her feet, so the blood was missed at first. But it was all over the bed, and down her night gown, and impossible to miss for more than a second.

"San?"

Santana touched her backside. She brought her bloody hand up to her face. "I-I thought that was my water," she whispered.

911 was called, but before the call was ended it was decided that it would be better if they drove to the hospital themselves since they'd have to wait for the ambulance to get there. They received a police escort halfway there, but still it was a 25-minute ride to the hospital. The whole time Santana didn't take her eyes off of Quinn as she grew paler. Quinn felt powerless, and couldn't do anything other than hold on to Santana's hand, and reassure her that she wasn't going anywhere.

There was a gurney waiting for them as soon as they got to the hospital. Quinn was jostled aside as Santana was helped from the SUV, and wheeled inside. She doesn't remember being pushed into a seat in the waiting room, but she does remember Sophia handing her a folder containing Santana's healthcare information. She's not sure if she was the one to fill out the hospital forms or not.

After that, it was a waiting game.

It was the worst game Quinn had ever played.

(You)

Quinn got a rental at the airport, luckily getting to the gate right before they shut down for the night. She was there a day before she was expected, and if she couldn't get a car, her only other alternative was spending a small fortune on a taxi, or staying at a hotel nearby for the night. Quinn hummed to herself as she drove, a tune one that she often caught Santana humming:Come Josephine in my flying machine, and it's up she goes, up she goes. It was only just at that moment that Quinn wondered if Santana realized that the girl's name in the song was Josephine. Was that considered irony that she had dated a Josephine?

Keeping the car at the posted 35 m.p.h. for the 25-mile drive had Quinn wanting to pull her hair out. By this time she was exhausted; all she wanted was a bed. Hell, at this point she would settle for a soft place on the floor.

A lone light was all that was there to greet her, shining very little light on the house, and the ocean beyond, which looked intimidating and not so friendly now that the sun had gone down. She didn't care enough to pull her bag out of the car as she parked in the drive.

There were boxes on the porch, and when she let herself in, there were boxes stacked neatly on both sides of the door. Just about everything that had once made this place a home, had been packed up, or covered, ready to be moved away. Quinn wasn't expecting things to be this done.

She made her way through the rooms, noting with every echoing footstep that she was the only one in the house. She finished her tour in the back room. The bedroom was the only room in the entire house that was not completely packed. In the light of the moonlight, there was nothing but shadows.

(And make sure you're alright)

The doctor was a young woman who, despite her full head of gray hair, didn't look like she was old enough to legally drink, much less be a doctor. She had a face that was impassive and gave off no impression. "Mrs. Richardson?"

"Yes, yes, t-that's me!"

She could feel the eyes of her party turning, listening in. She wished she had called Kellen, but at the same time she was glad that she didn't. Calling Kelly meant that something bad happened. Calling Kelly meant that he needed to be here, right now. And there was only one reason why he would need to be here right now.

"You're-,"

"Dr. Lopez's sister in law." Dropping the Dr. was a calculated thing, so was the Mrs, and her relationship to Santana. Girlfriends didn't get to know news, only immediate family. "What's going on?"

"Santana experienced what we call a placental abruption. That's when the placenta detaches from the inner wall of the womb before delivery."

"S-so she wasn't in labor?"

"No. We performed an ultrasound, however, and found that the baby was in distress. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck; so we had to do an emergency C-section."

"The baby?"

"Your niece is fine. A nurse will take you back to see her, shortly-,"

It pained Quinn to have to ask. "And Santana?"

For three seconds, time stopped. "Santana lost a lot of blood which led to further complications." Quinn shook her head, as if to keep the doctor from saying anything that she didn't want to hear. "She's going to need to stay in the hospital for probably the next two weeks, and she'll be on bed rest for a while-,"

But Quinn didn't care. The weight that had been weighing on her heart for hours finally felt like it had been lifted. Santana was alive. "Can I see them?"

Selena was a bald headed, skinny, wrinkly little thing, with balled fists, eyes that refused to open, and a set of lungs that was unlike any of her children. She was unhappy, and she wanted everyone to know it. She was still being cleaned up, when Quinn first laid eyes on her, so she was there in all her naked, screaming glory. Quinn's fingers itched to hold her, to reassure her that she was not alone, that she was so very loved.

She had to wait 20 minutes to get her wish, but then a freshly swaddled little female alien was placed into her arms. The wedding wasn't until this summer, and then there was the adoption paperwork, but when Quinn held her to her body, Quinn couldn't help but say, "Hello, Selena. I'm your other mommy."

Quinn was the first to hold her, but she didn't open her eyes until Santana held her. Almost as soon as she was in Santana's embrace, the lids rolled back showing off a pair of light brown eyes. "Well, hola y bienvenidos, little Lena. Glad to finally meet you. You're just like your mami, aren't you, mija? You just can't be rushed, can you?"

Two and a half months later, the day after Luke was finished with school, Kellen, Kyle, and Luke showed up at the house to spend the summer. They had Skyped and sent pictures back home, but this was their first time seeing the baby in person. She was a little fussy when Santana placed the baby in his arms, but didn't take long before she quieted down. Kelly just stared down, awestruck. Santana gave a tired smile at his reaction. "So, what do you think?"

"Gosh, she's beautiful," Kelly said in awe. It was so enduring Santana vowed to never make fun of him for saying 'Gosh'. "You're so perfect."

After Kelly's private moment, came the boys. Kelly sat down on the couch, Selena safely tucked against his body. "Be careful," Kelly said sternly, as Luke and Kyle jockeyed for the best position to see the baby. "You have to be very gentle and very careful, she's little."

Luke immediately settled down, and Kyle, matching the example of his older brother did, too. Selena's bassinet was pulled closer to the two boys. "Kyle, Luke, this is your baby sister, Selena. Selena, can you say hi to your big brothers?"

"Hi, baby Selena," Luke said. "You look like Kyle did when he was that little. I'll take care of you, too."

Quinn's eyes fell on Kyle, waiting. Kyle stared at the baby for three minutes straight before he finally declared, "Mama, my baby."

"Yes," Santana agreed. "That's your baby, Kyle."

(I'll take care of you)

Quinn undressed, and slid into the bed, colliding with the body that she wasn't expecting to find beneath the covers.

"Mmm…," came a grunt, as Quinn's hands went around the body, eliminating any space between them. "You better be my wife, or I'm in trouble."

Quinn placed a kiss to the closest skin she could touch. "You don't sound very surprised."

Santana turned in her arms, and captured her lips. "Kellen told me you were coming," she explained, once they had pulled apart.

Quinn let out a noise of outrage. "I can't believe him."

"Babe, be glad he did. Sneaking in on someone who lives at least a mile from her next neighbor, not the best idea."

Quinn laughed. "Maybe," she agreed. But then she was taken away by the close proximity of Santana, who was wearing only a nightie. Her hands started to wander. "Babe," Santana encouraged.

Quinn shifted on to her back, and Santana moved on top of her, kissing her gently, taking her time. Their bodies had changed over the years. Skin that used to be tight and unyielding, was now malleable. Smiles had eked out permanent real estate on their faces, scars marred once perfect skin, bodies had changed, but still remained perfect to the ones who were exploring them. The first time they had made love once they acknowledged that that was what they were doing, that they were in love and staking their claim on each other, the two of them had gone so slowly it was almost glacial. Quinn swears it to be true, but she believed that Santana's taste, and touch, and feel had changed. That now that the word 'mine' lingered over them as they moved together, that it was a completely different feel. After all, a hotel has a completely different aurora than a home.

"I missed you," Quinn said, threading her fingers through deep black locks. Santana placed soft, barely there kisses, all along her collarbone. Quinn's fingers scratched lightly on the scalp before traveling down to the very tips, gently grabbing a fistful. Santana pulled back. "I love you," she returned.

She went back to what she was doing, placing little kisses. Whenever they reunited, Santana liked to take her time, and Quinn liked to allow her to. She instantly forgot how tired she was as Santana slowly worked her up.

When they had both come back to Earth, they lay beside each other, not able to look away. Santana was facing the window, so when the sun rose, it dawned over her face, and she blinked in the light, but kept her eyes open. They had yet to fall asleep.

"I visited Finn's grave."

It was a declaration that had come out of nowhere. "Yeah?"

"He's buried between a school teacher that died at 36 and this 90 year old man, and he was just 19. It's strange to think that some of us get 'forever' and some us get just a moment, isn't it? Who decides? Why? There was so much left for that teacher, and Finn, to do, you know? Hell, there might have still been something left for that 90 year old to do."

Santana nodded. "It doesn't make sense. Last week, one of the mothers in my pre-school community group laid to rest her six year old daughter. She was hit by a car and killed."

"Six?"

Santana nodded. Quinn shuddered. That was too close to Luke's age. "The only way I can make it make sense to me is to think, that if we do live in alternate realities, somewhere out there, that little girl is still alive, and somewhere Finn never died either. In a couple of those realities, Rachel got her happy ending with him, he grew up to be a better man that he was as a teenager, and Puck became the kind of guy that didn't run away."

Quinn had an errant thought. "So, if there is an alternate universe for every decision made, does that mean that there is a reality where Finn and I ended up together?"

Santana laughed. "Scary thought, huh?"

"And where I never gave up Beth."

"Where you never had Luke or Kyle."

"Or Selena."

Santana held her tightly. "See. There's no point in getting caught up in the decisions that you made, and the what-ifs, because then you wouldn't be living in the reality that you're currently living in. It's easy to find regret anywhere you look, but just because it didn't work out just the way you wanted it to, doesn't mean that it didn't work out exactly the way it was supposed to." Quinn gave a soft chuckle when Santana finished. "What's funny?"

"Adult you. I love her so much, you know?"

"Without sounding corny, I kind of love her, too. And I love you. You did a lot of growing yourself."

"I did. Everybody's so glad that you're finally coming home, home."

It had been harder than Santana had thought to break away from Hawaii. When she learned that she was pregnant, she meant to take the fellowship in New York, but then came the blow up with Quinn and Kelly. By the time she was back in Hawaii, it was too late to put her back on the roster at the University of Hawaii, Hilo. She ended up teaching basic physics at the Hawaii Community College for the fall semester, which gave her plenty of time to work on her books, but didn't pay nearly as well as working at the college.

Even with the end of Quinn and Kelly's marriage, she still could have taken the fellowship at Columbia, but she was worried that the stress of Quinn and Kelly's situation may have caused her to miscarry. After her first miscarriage, she didn't want to take any chances and, as she eventually explained to Quinn, the baby came first, even if it meant that she would never get to have Quinn.

Columbia was a two-year long fellowship, so the position wasn't available to her the following year, either. Santana taught a semester back at Hilo, and the latter half of the year was spent promoting her first book:The Leaders of the Pack. So far sales had been lukewarm, but her publishers had faith that eventually it would catch on, so even though she hadn't been offered an advance, she had a 3-book deal that the ink had just dried on.

With the promoting she had been gone Thursday through Monday, and made stop ins to her family on Tuesday and Wednesdays in New York when she had to, but all that was over now.

"I'm glad, too."

She would start teaching at Columbia (hopefully until she gained tenure) in the fall semester, and would promoteBull Headed, that following summer. She would still have to travel, but not nearly as much as she had back when she was living in Hawaii.

"Are you going to miss this?"

If they were both quiet, they could hear the sound of the waves breaking against the sand. Santana lay back, listening. "Definitely. But I'd miss my family more. And we can always come back and live, once Selena's flown the coop."

"Yes, in only 15 and a years! If our babies actually fly the coop."

"Luke's probably going to stick fairly close to home, but Kyle's too adventurous not to, and Selena's probably going to go where ever Kyle goes."

"I love that they're so close."

Santana smiled. "Me too, but it's a pain in the ass, too, sometimes, and you know it."

Quinn answered with her laugh. The fatigue settled in to her bones, and her eyes started to close. "Quinn?"

"Yes?"

"Can I lay by your side?" Her smile was lazy, and she didn't open her eyes."I'll take care of you."

Quinn buried herself in her wife's embrace and fell asleep in the arms of her love.

(And I don't want to be here)

"Hey, look who I found wandering around the airport like a lost puppy!"

Luke was the first to look over, and the first to get up. "Auma!" he shouted, using the word he had settled on for Santana: 'Auma', Aunt Mama. He rushed into her arms, quickly followed by Kyle and Selena. "I told mommy to give you lots of kisses when your plane landed," Selena's voice rang out. "Did she?"

Santana looked up at Quinn, before winking at Selena. "Yes, mommy gave your mama lots and lots of kisses."

"Good, cause I missed you lots and lots!"

"Not more than I did!" Kyle asserted, anxious to make himself known. "I missed you the mostest of all, mama!"

"Did not, Kyle!"

"Did too, Sel!"

"All right enough you two!"

Selena stuck her tongue out at Kyle. Santana hugged the both of them harder. "I missed my babies."

"Who'd you miss more?" Kyle demanded.

"I missed you all the most." Santana gave them both kisses. As she stood up to full height, her eyes searched the room, landing on Kelly who was trying not to be too in the scene. "Ah, Kel, are you not getting any lovin'?" She hugged him, before planting a kiss on his cheek. "I missed you, too, Kelly."

Quinn took Santana's carry-on off her shoulder. "I'll take this upstairs?"

"How was your flight?"

Santana nodded. "Thanks, baby." She placed a quick kiss to Quinn's cheek before she answered Kelly. "It was good. Uneventful. How were our hellions?"

From the corner of her eye she saw Quinn disappear into the house. Kelly smiled his dad smile. The one that said that he was the happiest guy in the world. "Not too bad."

Luke's hand slipped into Santana. "Yeah, we're building a fort. Come see!"

Santana allowed herself to be pulled into the backyard.

The beginning of a fort had been erected. When finished it looked like it would be about four feet tall. Instead of a moat there was a wooden walk way, and a bridge to let down to allow kids to come in and out. "Whoa, this is really cool!"

"It was my design, Auma. And we're going to put in stairs over here, right daddy?" Kelly nodded. "And it's going to lead to a special platform just for me." He shrugged. "Well until Ky and Sel are a little bit bigger." He looked at Kellen. "Right?"

"Right."

"They kept you busy, hunh?"

Kelly nodded. "Always."

For the rest of the afternoon, all three of the kids competed to have as much of Santana's time as possible. Selena, especially, kept wanting to be held, and even when Santana sat her down, she stayed closed by, either as her shadow, or if Santana was sitting down, she would tuck herself into her side. Late in the afternoon guests started showing up. Mercedes and her family, Rachel, Jesse, Kurt and Blaine, Brittany and hers. At the sight of each of them, she was reminded of all the benefits living in New York had. She had made plenty of friends in Hawaii, but you couldn't replace this kind of history, and with enough space removed, she'd gotten to a place where she could appreciate it all. She didn't imagine that she and Rachel would ever be best friends, but they could at least do these kinds of things without animosity.

That word made her look for Kelly, who was talking with Quinn and some other girl that Santana didn't yet know. As amazing as it seemed, there didn't seem to be any animosity between them. It was seriously more than any sane person could ever hope for.

She must have caught his eye, because he said something to both Quinn and the unknown woman, before he trotted over to where Santana was sitting on the reclaimed driftwood picnic table, that they had found her last trip home. Luke had scratched his name into the table, and underneath it was a very shaky K-Y-L-E and a scribble she took to be Selena's name. She let her fingers sink into the groove.

"Why are you off here by yourself? It's your party!"

Santana smiled. "Just taking it all in."

Selena had finally disentangled herself from Santana's side to play with her 'cousins'. From what Santana had been able to see so far of her daughter, Selena was not going to be winning any popularity contests any time soon. She loved Kelly, Quinn, Santana, Kyle and Luke, and she tolerated Mercedes' daughter, Whitney, but that seemed to be the limits of her tolerance. Funnily enough, she didn't like Brittany's son at all, and Santana was not ashamed to admit (to herself) how happy it made her that she wouldn't let Rachel hold, not even when she was a baby. She screamed bloody murder every time she'd tried.

"Having doubts about moving?"

"Not a one," Santana answered. "Who wouldn't want to be a part of all of this?"

(If I can't be with you tonight)

Kelly bent down to pick up Luke, groaning with the effort, but managing not to jar him too much. Quinn picked Kyle up with less difficulty. Selena was a lighter sleeper than her brothers, and when Santana touched her she woke up. "Mama?

"Bed time my little moon goddess."

She simply nodded, put her head down on Santana's shoulder and fell back asleep. Santana smiled, holding her extra tightly as they carried the three of them into the house, securing them in their beds. Santana, Quinn, and Kelly each took their turns saying good-night, Santana taking a little extra time with each of them.

Kelly gave a yawn as Santana emerged from Selena and Kyle's bedroom, covering his mouth with his hand. "I should be getting to bed myself."

"It's late, Kelly. Why don't you spend the night?" Santana suggested.

He quickly shook his head. "I've got an early morning."

"You sure?" Quinn questioned.

"Yeah, at least have a night cap?"

Kelly shook his head. "No more of those for me. Not a part of my 'sober living' lifestyle." He gave her a wink. "Raincheck?"

Santana smiled. "You've got it."

Santana walked him to the door. "I'll come by after work tomorrow to help you get everything moved in."

Santana placed a hand on his cheek, before hugging him tightly. She placed a kiss on his cheek. "Love you, Kellen."

"Love you, too." He waved. "Good night, ladies."

"Night."

Santana felt arms wrap around her almost as soon as she closed the door. She felt a smile touching her lips. "Hey, baby."

"So now you're here."

"Now, I'm here," Santana repeated.

"Welcome home, love."

"I like the sound of that."

"Love?"

"No, home."

"Ilovethe sound of that."

When Quinn, too, had fallen asleep, Santana wandered around the house, taking it all in, letting it sink in that this was now home, home. This was their, her and Quinn's, home. They had narrowed the choices down while they were in different time zones, and Santana had flown in on a three day weekend so that they could lock it in. The house they settled on, a four bedroom craftsman, was smaller than the house that Quinn and Kelly had bought when they were married. It had the same number of bedrooms, but less than half the square footage, which meant fewer wide open spaces. It was fine for now, with the kids so little.

Once they got older, Santana was sure that they would all be on top of the other. At some point, it might become a bit too much, and they would either have to sacrifice Kelly's bedroom to the kids, or would have to move into a bigger house, but that was a bridge they'd have to cross once they got there.

Quinn and Kelly's divorce settlement had given them shared custody, with the agreement being that the kids would live one week at Kelly's, and the next week at Quinn's, and they would simply trade off holidays every year. That was the settlement, but it didn't really work really well for either of them because that meant that the other would be going a whole week without seeing the kids. So the compromise that they worked out was that Thursday nights were officially family nights and events couldn't be scheduled on those nights. Dinners were mostly shared, too. So far, a concentrated effort had been made for all parties to be present for at least four nights a week. In case it got late, and the other party didn't want to go home, there was a bedroom at Quinn and Santana's for Kelly, and a bedroom and Kelly's for Quinn and Santana, in case the other party didn't want to drive home at night. Selena hadn't been included in the divorce agreement, for obvious reasons, but Selena went where her brothers went, simple as that.

There was nothing conventional about this life that they had, and Santana was okay with that.

Quinn woke to find Santana gone, and after a little searching found her laying in the hammock that had been set up for her, staring up at what bit of the sky she could see through the branches of the trees in the backyard. It would take some time before she became used to the night sky of New York, after living on the island for so long. "Coming to bed?" Quinn questioned, lightly.

Santana turned so that she could see her wife. "Didn't mean to wake you. I'm still on Hawaii time, so I just came out here to do some thinking."

"Private thoughts?"

"Hippie thoughts," Santana joked. She held her arm out to let Quinn know she could join her. The hammock was big enough for the two of them to fit comfortably. "Just thinking about us, about Kelly, about the kids. I'm just amazed that this is my life." Santana set it waving slowly. If she concentrated, she could almost hear the ocean in the background. It didn't get as whisper quiet as it did on the beach, where the only thing she heard most nights was the wind and the waves. It didn't get as dark either. Santana used to be able to turn all of her lights off in her house, and suddenly be awash in darkness.

"It's much more than I ever expected."

"And everything that you deserve." Santana smiled softly. "That doesn't sound very hippy like.'

She laughed. "No? Well I've been thinking about all that, and I was trying to figure out what love must look like to the heavens."

"And what's your conclusion?"

"Like hope.

"There's this belief that life on earth is the direct result of a number of completely random instances and coincidence that happened at the exact right moment. The big bang created all of the energy the universe would ever need. From that energy the first atoms were formed. At some point the atoms began to collide with each other, and caused more atoms. From there stars exploded to form the heavier elements. With the passage of time, the explosion of stars, and gravity, the elements began to gather together to form new stars. Our star was formed, and with the left over material the planets were formed. The earth settled in just the proper distance from the sun, and a collision with another orbiting body created the moon and gave the earth it's unique tilt. The tilt allowed for seasons, seasons for the creation of water vapor, water vapor formed the first bacteria.

"Billions of years later, another orbiting body colliding with the planet killed off the dinosaurs, allowing for humans' ancestors to rise from the oceans, and then the growth of grass across the world eventually allowed for humans to begin to walk upright and later become the dominant species. If any one of those things had never happened, neither the current 7.5 billion humans currently alive, nor the estimated 108 billion people that have existed since the history of man, would have ever existed.

"We are born, forged from the same energy that existed at the dawn of time, and serve as a timeline for the entire history of the universe, an assortment of mixed up genes and happenstance. We're born, naked and crying, until we're placed into someone else's arms. As we grow we develop our own sense of self-being, our own reality. We're shaped by a series of completely random instances and coincidences, and the circumstances that happen to us, and the environments that we grow up in. We get hurt, we scar, we laugh, we cry, we live, and eventually we die. If we're one of the lucky ones, somewhere in the midst of all that chaos, in the midst of all the random energy slowly being drawn into and around each other to create the beginnings of things that even we can't imagine, we meet that one person that changes our entire outlook on life. It changes the world from a harsh, unforgiving landscape, to home.

"Sometimes you find them, sometimes they find you, and sometimes we simply crash into each other at the right moment in time."

Santana watched the heavens as she spoke. "I think to the heavens, love must look like an ever growing ball of light that grows against the emptiness of space, and absolutely refuses to die."