Harry sat slouched on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. Both kids were asleep, and the apartment was quiet. Inside his belly, there was an aching pit of sadness.
EMPATHY:Fuck.Fuck.That's too much for a kid to deal with. That's too much foranyoneto deal with. If Bastien is dead, she'll blame herself for this for the rest of her life. And if Judit learns what Olive's been going through, she'll blame herself, too, because that's what she does. And Louis has no idea what's going on yet…
Harry leaned forward, putting his head in his hands.
PAIN THRESHOLD:And what if they never find him? What if he jumped into a canal and got swept out to sea, and they just…never know what happened? How long can Judit keep pushing herself like this? Waiting, hoping they hear from him…hoping theydon'thear from him because that would mean he left them on purpose…
HALF-LIGHT:It's a good thing youdon'thave kids. How many nights would they have been waiting foryoulike this, hoping you weren't dead? Or hoping youwere, so at least they didn't have to deal with thesucking black holeyou are anymore. Making everyone else deal with your bullshit is bad enough, don't you think? You don't need to bring kids into that.
"Fuck. Fuck." Harry muttered into his hands. Hot tears were pouring down his face.
SHIVERS:And all across the city, other kids also wait, afraid and alone, buttheydon't have a whole precinct trying to find their parents for them.
An audible sob escaped through Harry's gritted teeth.
COMPOSURE:Hey, keep it down, asshole. The last thing the kids need is to wake up and find a fat middle-aged man sobbing in their living room.
Harry took a few shaky breaths, trying to be as quiet as possible.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY:You know what would make all this easier to deal with? Those wonderful bottles in the cabinet over the fridge.
VOLITION:Alcohol has only ever given you more problems.
RHETORIC:Only because we had too much of it. We only need a little. Just the right amount.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY:Just enough to take the edge off.
SAVOIR FAIRE:Just enough to calm your nerves.
COMPOSURE:To keep your cool.
PAIN THRESHOLD:To numb the pain.
SUGGESTION:You had a hard night. You deserve it.
Harry stood up. He opened the door to the kitchen. His hand was on the cabinet. The bottle was in his hand, the color of the liquid rich and lovely. His heart skipped at the sight of it.
VOLITION:Wait. Please. At least not that bottle. Not the one Olive saw her dad drinking. Pick another one. The wine. It isn't as strong.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY:Yes, wine. The most beautiful thing a grape could aspire to be.
Harry put the whiskey bottle on the table and pulled out the wine instead. He sniffed the cork. He'd swear he could smell the wine through it. He just needed a corkscrew. He pulled open drawers, one after another, maybe making a little too much noise, but he didn't care. Why the fuck would Judit have a bottle of wine if she didn't have a corkscrew?
…wait, didn't he have a corkscrew? Harry pulled out his keys. Nothing.
VOLITION:You threw away your corkscrew. You didn't need it anymore.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY:Fuck it. Grab the rum, then. Island time, here we come!
Harry set the wine bottle on the counter and pulled out several other bottles blocking the way to the rum. It had a picture of the night sky on the label. He grabbed it.
ENCYCLOPEDIA:This is Planetary Rum. A mid-market brand of rum. It's usually used in cocktails, with its mild flavor complementing many different ingredients.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY:Cocktails, huh? Sounds chill. You could use a cocktail right now. See if the fridge has any mixers.
There were no mixers in the fridge.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY:Doesn't matter. Mixers only slow you down. Open the bottle and get areallygood sniff.
Harry's hand hesitated on the cap.
VOLITION:Wait. Just…wait.
He twisted the cap off, and a cloud of sweet sharp scent billowed out of the bottle. Harry closed his eyes - he could practically feel his brain lighting up in all sorts of new and exciting ways. He was panting with thirst and anticipation.
VOLITION:You don't need to… Don't do this…