The Light in the Darkness

Chapter 9: The Great Journey

I'M BACK! DID YOU MISS ME? I MISSED YOU!

Disclaimer: I sadly do not own The Lord of the Rings franchise. I only own the story, Lin and Neera who tells the story.

"Come on, Samwise! Keep up!" Grandfather said, obviously annoyed at Sam's slacking behind us. Grandfather led his horse with Lin riding on top of it. I held Frodo's hand as we followed. Honestly, he was just putting on a front and trying to hide that he was scared. I needed him to know that he wasn't alone, which is why I continued to offer him comfort. It was something he and I established during our time alone together. Whenever the other was in distress, we would grab the other's hand to let the other know that we were there and that we cared about them. Sometimes actions speak louder than words and in the case of Frodo and I, this was enough to keep the other feeling safe and strong, even if we didn't have any reason to feel that way.

Grandfather lead all of us through the dark cover of the nearby woods. We were very far away from Hobbiton and I could only imagine how Frodo and Sam were feeling about being so far away from home in only a matter of minutes. But sadly, it couldn't be helped. We had a job to do and we couldn't risk putting the Shire in danger as a result. Also, since the ring of power was with Frodo, that meant that he was in danger and that meant that I had to do everything in my power to protect him.

"Be careful, all of you. The enemy has many spies in his service, many ways of hearing...birds, beasts..."

Grandfather looked at me seriously, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Is it safe?" he asked both of us.

Frodo nodded, gesturing once more to the pocket he had placed the ring in earlier.

"Make sure he never puts it on," he said, and I nodded in comprehension. "For the agents of the Dark Lord will be drawn to its power."

I nodded, trying to hold back my tears. His next words were then to Frodo.

"Always remember, Frodo, the ring is trying to get back to its master...it wants to be found."

Grandfather returned his gaze back to me and smiled sadly. I hugged Grandfather and tried to hold back my tears, only to fail miserably. I let out a sob as my grip on him tightened. He and Lin were heading towards danger, I could feel it and now I really didn't know how I was going to bare to part with them again. I had never trusted Saruman, no matter how much praise Grandfather gave him, there was always this feeling of malice towards him within me, and I would probably never get to meet the man. I reluctantly let go of him and tried to hide how pathetic I probably looked right now. I felt shame at letting Frodo see me at my absolute worst. He was supposed to be putting his utmost faith in me to protect him from danger, and he sees me crying like a foolish child? How is that supposed to convince him to put his trust in me?

"You'll be fine, my dear," he said, always believing in me when I was beyond certain I could never do. "Neera, sometimes being brave doesn't mean you're not afraid; it means doing something even though you're afraid."

I nodded, unable to look him in the eye, trying to keep myself from crying, but again, failing. He brought my face up to have me look at him and I forced myself to smile. I knew that Grandfather always hated leaving Lin and I when he had to, although he didn't look like it on the outside. He was so much better at keeping his emotions to himself, but I knew him too well. He had such a deep love for my sister and I and we both knew that leaving got harder and harder each time he had to do it.

Grandfather got on his horse and waited for Lin as we said our goodbyes. She was not going to embrace me again, as that was something we didn't do that often, for Lin was not a physically connected person unless it was absolutely necessary. So she just put a hand on my shoulder and I looked up in spite of my tears.

Lin never really showed her emotions the way I did, but as I looked in her eyes, I could tell that this goodbye was just as hard for her as it was for me.

"Goodbye, little sister," she said.

I squeezed her hand on my shoulder.

"Goodbye," I said, amazed I could even say anything at all. She smiled a small smile, telling me that it was going to be fine and that I would be able to do this. I honestly don't know how either of them could put so much faith in me when I absolutely could not.

Lin then hopped on the back of Grandfather's horse and with one final glance at us, rode off into the distance, leaving the three of us alone.

I watched them ride away in the opposite direction at lightning speed and I almost went after them. I walked a couple steps before I remembered why I had to stay behind and collapsed on my knees. I tried to stop myself from crying and feeling so helpless, but it wouldn't stop.

"Neera?" Frodo asked, placing his hand in mine as a sign of comfort.

Frodo had seen me cry before, as much I hated to confess it, it's true. The first few nights after they had left were the hardest for me. I looked at him and his smile was enough to give me the strength to get up off the ground and go forward. He can still smile and be himself despite having the knowledge of the evil residing in his coat pocket. Despite all his confusion about all of this and his struggling to wrap his head around what's going on, he still managed to look at me and try to smile for me to make me feel better. He wasn't supposed to be the strong one in this situation and yet he was. My heart beat loud in my chest as I squeezed his hand in return. I remembered that no matter how scared I was or how alone I was, I had to push that all aside to protect the person that mattered so much to me.

I would protect him with every part of who I am. I don't even want to consider what I would do if anything happened to him. I don't even want to think about it. I was terrified of failing him and not being able to protect him. But I didn't have the luxury to be afraid now. Lin was right, as usual. I had to stop being scared because if I continued to be, I wouldn't be able to protect my friend. And Grandfather was right as well: being brave meant that I was still willing to protect Frodo even though I'm scared. The person who I had grown to care about so much is now someone who I have to protect at all costs.

Protecting the ring meant almost nothing to me when it came to his safety. There was no other option and what I found the most terrifying thought of all was that I would give my life to protect him. I wouldn't even hesitate to do so. I wiped away my tears with my sleeve and stood up. I looked down at Frodo again and saw that the smile he gave me was not a true representation of his real feelings.

I got to my feet and then started to lead them in the direction away from the Shire. It would be a very long time before these two would ever see the Shire again. I wiped away my tears because I was supposed to be the strong one in this situation and I wasn't being the best role model. I had to pull myself together at least until we got to Bree. Once we got there, Grandfather would take over and I was good at following people's orders better than making my own. I guess living with Lin had conditioned me to think that way. I knew I had to follow his orders, but I would have to make my own path in the process of getting there.

We continued walking far and far. Frodo knew the way out of the Shire, but had never seen the need to take it until now. His knowledge was very helpful as Grandfather's directions to Bree were a bit confusing. The sun shone brightly, a complete opposite to our current situation. At least the sun was trying to make the graveness of this situation fade away. Sadly, the fact that Riders of death and destruction were trying to kill us still hung over our heads. I always kept my bow and arrow in hand in case of emergencies. I was always assigned to guard and hunting duty back home, so I knew that with my superior warrior skills, we would at least stand somewhat of a chance against any enemies that came after us.

Or at least, that's what I continued to try to tell myself.

We continued to walk until we reached a cornfield with a Scarecrow standing in the middle of it. Then I was brought out of my thoughts with Samwise suddenly stopping.

"This is it," he said plainly.

Frodo and I then turned back to face him to try to figure out what he meant.

"This is what?" Frodo asked.

"If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been," he responded.

I understood his feelings. I couldn't be farther away from my home as I am right now. Who knows when and how I would ever see it again? I didn't know when I begged Grandfather to take me with him to the Shire that I would end up meeting the most wonderful creature in the entire world, but also running for my life trying to protect him. It was originally supposed to be a few days away from home, but then it turned into more than that and now here we are. If we continue to walk farther, it would be even farther away from normalcy than any of us had ever been before. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and continue that peaceful and comfortable life that I had been living with Frodo. I would give anything to go back there now.

But the sad truth was that we couldn't do that.

It was something we all knew very well.

Frodo, being the kind and understanding person that he was, calmly walked over to his loyal companion and patted his shoulder as if to encourage him to keep going.

"Come on, Sam," he said kindly. I knew based on living with him that he was just as scared as Sam, but was trying to shoulder the burden and be strong for the both of them.

"Remember what Bilbo used to used to say..." as he spoke, we continued to move forward through the fields. I still kept a firm grip on my bow in case anything suspicious happened. "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door...you step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's not knowing where you might be swept off to."

We then continued to walk forward. I had no idea what was ahead for us, but I knew that as long as we stayed together, we could make it through. I listened to these words as if Mr. Baggins had been saying them here with us. I began to realize slowly why the King and Father never encouraged me to leave home. It was because of Mr. Baggins said. It was because I was so young and inexperienced with the world. No matter how strong of a fighter I was. No matter how intelligent and resourceful I was. It didn't make a difference. I may have been hundreds of years old, but that didn't change the fact that I was considered to be a child in my kingdom.

There was no way I could tell him the truth about the curse. How I will be immortal until I bare my soulmate's child and then tragically die and let the cycle of despair and heartbreak repeat itself all over for the next family. But there was something else. Something far crueler. No weapon or hands of any man or woman or creature would ever leave a scratch on the descendant of Shasta. If an arrow passed through me, I would feel no pain. There would be no mark or blemish left upon my skin. But above all, there would be no wound or severe damage done to my body. If a sword pierced my chest, it would be as if no sword had attempted to harm me at all. No weapon would be able to harm me, unless the weapon's owner was myself.

No blade or arrow of man or creature shall ever harm you. Only the one that shares your heart and yourself will be the ones that will end your life.

The curse of Sauron knew that there would be male heirs to Shasta and so he devised a crueler condition to it. While no person would ever be able to kill a child of Shasta's line, a descendant could take their own life in the case their soulmate were killed. He knew that there would so much pain and sorrow that bring the person to absolute despair that they would see no other option but to take their own life. He made this condition so that the soulmates of the descendants and the male descendants would die as well. They would feel so much pain and sorrow at the loss of their love that it would drive them to do such terrible things in their despair. After Isildur died, Shasta drove herself to madness by having multiple affairs in order to alleviate her pain and suffering, but no avail. Instead, she died in childbirth, starting the thousand year cycle of tragedy that my family has had to endure.

But that wasn't something I had the luxury of thinking about right now. I had to put that behind me for right now and focus on something that was more important. Protecting my friend from any danger that came our way. I would never let anything happen to him. I would throw myself in front of any weapon as long as it didn't hurt him. I looked back at him comforting his friend as he had comforted me so many times in my loneliness over these past two months we were together.

No matter what happened, I would defend him until my last breath.

We had settled camp a little ways back. As soon as the sun went down, I realized that we had traveled enough for the day. These two had never truly experienced the wilderness, so I knew that as much as we were in a hurry to get as far away from the Shire as we possibly could, we also needed to be cautious of the previous point. Even though I wanted us to keep moving, I accepted the fact that Frodo and Samwise were not as used to traveling in the wild as I was. As such, we had to get as much rest as we could. I just hoped that the Black Riders weren't that close to us yet.

So Sam offered to cook us dinner, an offer both Frodo and I graciously accepted. He cooked diligently on the fire, while my friend sat up in the nearby tree smoking a pipe. In the two and a half months we were together, I quite often begged Frodo to stop with this ridiculous and unhealthy habit. I only managed to succeed in small amounts. Like Grandfather, Frodo was very stubborn in this regard, but I refused to give up. I sat near the campfire sharping of my knives with a rock. I couldn't be sure what was waiting for us around the corner, but I had to stay on my guard. I wanted to hold back on using my power until it was absolutely dire. Until then, regular arrows and knives would have to do to protect Frodo and Samwise. For a while, this little scene reminded me of how our interactions were back in the Shire.

It was at that thought that I heard the distant singing in the background. It was a sound I knew all too well. It was the singing of my people. They often sang in our native language, but this time, it sounded very sad and distant.

"Sam! Wood elves!" Frodo said, his regular smile of amazement clear on his face.

We all left the campsite to follow the sound of the singing. As I expected, it was the singing of my people. I recognized this procession as the one that had passed through Mirkwood to say their final goodbyes before crossing the lands to the Grey Havens. My uncle Harnen from a previous descendant's marriage and the adopted brother of my mother, Calebdil, were among them. As his son and I used to play together as children, seeing them go was very hard for me. They seemed so distant at our final meeting. Seeing them now was almost like watching phantoms walk through the earth with no real memory of their past lives. It was almost as if I reached out and tried to touch them, I would just be grabbing thin air.

"They're going to the harbour beyond the White Towers. To the Grey Havens," Frodo said.

It amazed me that even Frodo knew about this.

It was always bittersweet to see members of my race leave Middle Earth forever. It just seemed so sad to me that they couldn't live in this world anymore. It also made me envious because my family would never be able to leave Middle Earth either. We would be parted forever and there was nothing we would be able to do to see each other again.

"They're leaving Middle Earth," I explained, trying to keep the bitterness and jealousy out of my heart. "Never to return."

They were permitted to leave Middle Earth, whereas my classification of elf would never be allowed to leave because of our status. It was simply cruel. I had family within the factions of elves that were leaving and after they departed from the Grey Havens, I would never be able to see them ever again. Granted they had come to Mirkwood to bid us farewell, but that further added insult to injury. I know their primary reason for coming to Mirkwood was to say their final farewells to our family and give respects to the King, but it just further angered me that because of the type of elf I was born in, it meant that I would be trapped here while the rest of my kind leaves us behind forever.

"I don't know why, but it makes me sad," Samwise said forlornly and looked away. It was clear that the situation had depressed him quite a bit. Not that I could blame him for feeling that way. He left Frodo and I alone to watch the procession.

"Will you eventually leave with them, Neera?" Frodo asked me.

I frowned. I waited a few moments before responding. As much as I wish I could go with them, I couldn't. We weren't allowed. We were a type of Elf that wasn't permitted to leave Middle Earth. My distant relatives would be permitted to leave, but my sister, my father, the King, and all of his subjects would have to live in Middle Earth forever. As we were classified as Sindar Elves, we would not be permitted to make the Great Journey, something that I considered deeply flawed and deeply unfair. We would have to spend eternity here, while the rest of our brethren would be able to leave Middle Earth to whatever lay beyond the Gray Havens.

"My kind will never be permitted in the Grey Havens." I said thinking about my people and how mistreated they were in these situations. Our entire race is leaving Middle Earth never to return and they're leaving us behind and taking away any chance of us joining them. "

Frodo tried to appear sad for my sake, but as he was not a good liar or very good at hiding his true feelings, I could tell right away that he was trying to hide a smile. He still didn't understand that after two months together, I knew him better than he probably knew himself.

After that conversation, I went to have a look around the woods to make sure that no one had been following us. I was on the look out for Black Riders. I had only prayed that the servants of Sauron had not reached my home or the Shire. My people were strong, but they might not have the numbers to stand tall against Sauron should he wish to attack them. I constantly thought back to think about home. Were all of my friends alright? How about members of my family? Was the King alright? More importantly, was my father safe? I thought about Father often in my time away from home. He must be so worried. I hadn't had contact with him in over two months. The last we spoke, I told him that I would see him in a matter of days. Now a matter of days had turned into over two months without any contact with my beloved father. I hadn't intended on staying in the Shire for as long as I did, but it happened. I wouldn't trade it back, but I still wish that I could see my father. I missed him terribly and I can only imagine that he feels the same way about Lin and I being gone. I missed my father so much. I wanted nothing more than to just tell him that I'm safe and all that had happened since I've been gone. But more than anything, I just wanted to see my father.

I know that my hidden power would drive off the Black Riders, but if I did that, then I would reveal myself as Shasta's descendent. We already had enough problems with them looking for us because Frodo had the ring. We didn't need to give them another way to track us the farther we go. If I was forced to, I would reveal myself. I would do anything to protect Frodo.

Speaking of which, I was looking for him. It was getting late and we all should be getting as much rest as we can. Bree was still a ways off and we had to stop as little as we could. I then found my companion and dear friend by the stream. His figure was turned back to me and it was illuminated by the moonlight.

"Fro..." I stopped speaking immediately.

He had taken his shirt off and was washing it in the nearby stream. I immediately hid behind the tree in complete embarrassment. Thankfully, I stopped speaking before he could actually hear me speak. That would have been a lot worse. I felt heat rush to my face in embarrassment. Oh Gods. What if he took off all his clothes? I'd never seen another man naked before. Granted this was Frodo we were talking about and there was nothing here to be worried about. We were friends after all and nothing more than that. So if that was true, why did it feel like I was hiding myself from seeing something indecent?

But I couldn't help myself and I looked back at him. He may not be extremely muscular or toned like any of the other Elven men back home, but I couldn't even think about that in comparison to what I saw. Unlike the men at Mirkwood who trained their bodies to be strong through intensive training, his body was toned because of the work he did in town and because he always climbed trees. He may not have been like any of the Elven back home in Mirkwood, but that was besides the point. Even though I had seen men's upper bodies before, my heart never raced like it was doing now. I was confused and lost. Why did it feel like my heart was going to leap out of my chest at seeing him like this? I already knew Frodo was very handsome, but this just proved that he was beautiful not just in his face, but in his body as well. It seemed strange that someone so small could be someone so beautiful to me. I had always maintained that Frodo was a very handsome man, but in all of the time that we had spent together

At that moment, I didn't know it, and I wouldn't for quite some time, but looking back on it now, I think probably that was the time I began to realize that I was looking at Frodo in a completely different light. Like some part of me began to understand my real feelings for him.

I know it sounds silly, but his skin was creamy white and it practically shone in the moonlight. It was flawless. There wasn't a blemish or wound or scratch on any part of his skin. I had seen men like this before, but this was the first time I had seen a body with no scars, bruises, or scratches. Just pure white and beautiful, like the moon at its highest possible peak. I was not used to seeing skin like this. Most of the men I had seen often boasted of their scars and scratches as a way to impress women. His skin was as flawless as the snow of the highest peak of a mountain. I couldn't stop looking at him. I knew that Frodo was beautiful, but I don't why I was acting so surprised that his beauty was all over that flawless and stunning body of his.

Wait a moment.

Did I actually think Frodo Baggins' body as beautiful? Was I going mad?

Well, to be fair to myself, I have never told myself that Frodo wasn't beautiful. Quite to the contrary. I had always said that he was the most beautiful creature to walk the earth, and who exactly could blame me? But I had never thought of him as anything more than my constant companion. I was very fond of him and was very happy when we were together and I felt as though he gave me strength that I never thought I had possessed before, but...

What was this feeling I had for Frodo? I had been asking myself that for the two months that we were together. I didn't understand why of all the people I've known and met in the world that have come to Mirkwood asking for my hand, none of them struck me the way that this handsome hobbit had.

No, I had been asking myself that question since the first day I looked into those azure eyes of his. Ever since that happened, everything in my world had completely shifted towards him.

No. Absolutely not. What was I saying? I could never feel that way for anyone and as much as I hated Lin for keeping me locked away from the world, at least it had protected me from falling in love with someone. I would not suffer my mother's fate. I could NOT suffer my mother's fate. What would happen to Father? He was the only survivor of the curse and I don't know how he would react at losing Lin or I. He would probably go mad just like the rest of my ancestors.

These feelings I had for Frodo were not those kinds of feelings. Of course not. I had just grown so fond of him and that's the only type of feelings that these were. He was my dearest companion who happened to have a body that is beautiful to gaze at. Nothing more and nothing less. I tried to keep telling myself that over and over again and it, very infuriatingly, didn't seem to convince myself of anything.

But I was brought out of my thoughts when Frodo's pants joined the rest of his clothes as he bent down to wash his entire body in the stream. It was at that point that I ran back to the campsite and tried to push these thoughts out of my head as much as I could.

Samwise, who was still finishing cleaning after the dinner we had had was taken by surprise at my sudden rushing into the camp.

"Neera, are you alright?" he asked in concern. "You seem completely out of breath..."

I knew I needed to get as far away from him as I could so that I could calm myself down. My face felt too hot and I could barely form coherent sentences. It just drove me crazy. I didn't know what the hell I was feeling and it was just simply unfair. It was simply unfair that I was more terrified at facing Frodo after what I had just witnessed than any monster or creature that was chasing after us trying to kill us!

"Neera? What's the matter?" Frodo had just entered the scene, his hair damp and his clothes finally put back on his body. I felt the heat rush to my face. I couldn't even look him directly in the eye.

"Yes!" I insisted strongly, trying to ignore the heat that had forced its way into my cheeks. "Now I'm going to bed and you should too! We've had a long day and tomorrow will be even longer! Don't argue! Just do it!"

And with that, I pulled my blanket over my head and faced the other direction where I couldn't see Frodo and he couldn't see the redness within my cheeks.

"Alright. Well, good night, Neera," he said awkwardly, going back to his spot besides Sam.

I slept facing away from my two companions, feeling my face heating at the memory of seeing Frodo's body. It honestly felt like my face was on fire in utter embarrassment. I had a feeling inside me that was different than the feelings I had previously experienced. Before when I was with Frodo, I had grown familiar with the sensation of my heart pounding and this unique smile on my face that was only meant for him and him alone. But the way my heart was beating now was a completely different form than what it had taken before. It was a feeling of wanting to be with Frodo, but in a different way than it had been before. It was very strange, but more than that, it was an embarrassing feeling. I wasn't sure how I was going to face him in the morning.

When I look back on it now, I think that was the first time I fully began considering the fact that I had fallen in love with Frodo, and not only that, I had fallen truly and utterly hard for him. I shook my head forcefully, fully aware that I was further concerning my two companions who were clearly watching me have my existential crisis.

It would sadly, take quite a bit of time for me to fully admit that to myself.

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Kagomehater4ever