The Light in the Darkness

Chapter 16: Sunrise

Hey everyone!

Thank you to all who reviewed and followed for the last chapter! Really appreciate your support! Thank you for making the last chapter of the story the most reviewed yet!

As always, if you have a reaction to the chapter or have a suggestion as to what I could be doing, please let me know in the comment section. This story is meant for you guys, so let know what you think!

Thank you for reviewing! We are almost at the 50 review mark! Let's get past it! We can do it!

ANYWAY!

Congrats everyone! We've made it to our sweet 16 chapter! YAY! I'm so happy we've made it this far. The ride is very, very, very far from over, but we'll be together through all of it!

Sorry for the delay. I've been really tired and needed a break. I also had to move back to college after the winter break, so as you can imagine, very stressful.

We left on a very sad note the last time. I'm not going to apologize. I did warn you. But I hope to let some hope back into your lives.

Let's return to the great love story of our two favorites, Frodo and Neera.

DISCLAIMER: I sadly do not own any aspect of Lord of the Rings. I only own the story, Lin and Neera who tells the story.

If someone has the proper answer, I'd love to know.

How is it possible that someone you used to love so deeply then becomes someone you absolutely despise? And more importantly, since that hatred has come to be almost a natural thing for you to feel, was it always there, to begin with? What about all those years and time you spent loving that person? Was all that just a cowardly lie? All those familiar feelings of love that you genuinely thought you felt might have been unreal? Or is that even true? Did you always feel both and you simply ignored one? Is it possible you felt one more than the other and you're only now beginning to recognize it? Even worse, if the person is someone that has been by your side for forever, then what path is there to take? Can you ever go back to the way you felt about them before? Or is that just impossible?

What are you to do if that familiar person were your twin sister? The very person you relied upon your entire life? Your best friend? The person you naturally spent more time with than anyone else? The person who came into the world with you?

What are you supposed to do in that situation if you found out you'd grown to despise your own sister?

"You seemed distracted, Neera," Lin said, panting and holding her sword up. "Are you even taking this seriously?"

What are you supposed to do then?

"I'm fine, Lin," I said disinterestedly.

I sighed. I can't even focus on what I'm currently doing.

I bury myself into my training, as I always did before. The raging tempest in my heart never subsides. No matter how many times I beg myself to forget about him, I can't. In one of her many attempts to get my mind off of Frodo, we were currently practicing fighting in the courtyard closest to the forest. Rivendell was located next to a forest almost as large as Mirkwood. As such, many of Lord Elrond's finest would come to train here. As I still could not use my light, I was forced to try by Lin nevertheless. As hard as I tried, I couldn't do it. I kept telling Lin that my spirit was broken without bringing up Frodo, but she still maintained that wasn't true. She was determined to prove that I could produce Shasta's light by the way of my own spirit. It had nothing to do with Frodo's absence from my life, she said. She was wrong, of course.

Training with my sister used to bring me a lot of enjoyment. Now it just feels like a chore. I feel no sense of sentimentality. Even without much feeling, I could still fight relatively well. But it wasn't up to my usual standards of myself.

"Aren't you making this too easy?"

I scoffed. Of course, I was making it easy. Lin had neglected her swords work for too long, now. She had spent so much time with Grandfather over the years honing her magic that she forgot her practical skills. Our match was just evidence that she had neglected her sword work for too long. Lin was actually a very competent swordswoman. Before she completely abandoned it to hone her magic. Just as Father taught me everything I know, he also taught Lin the way of the sword. If she had actually kept up with her swords training, she might have been equal to me.

"Your sword skills need work. Of course, I'm taking it easy."

But she merely laughed.

"It's true," she said, trying to make a joke.

When we sparred like this in our practice at home, she would often joke with me and try to make me laugh. Oftentimes, it would work. Even though it was just sparring, it didn't feel like there was any true malice or fighting between us. Now, in my current state, I couldn't even bring myself to fake my laughter. It had been a few days of being her little puppet and pretending like nothing was wrong when that wasn't true. She acted as if nothing had happened between us. How can she do that? How can she just shut off her feelings like that? How can she just pretend like she didn't hurt me?

How can she pretend as if nothing happened?

"You know you don't have to hold back with me."

Something snapped inside of me when she said that. All of my restraint and self-control had vanished. She was right. I had been holding back with her. Not just in our daily spars, but ever since our fight after I woke up. In fact, I had been holding back with her all this time. I had been pretending for her sake that I was fine. I had been pretending like I wasn't completely miserable without Frodo. Everyone was capable of seeing it, but Lin being the proud woman she was, didn't even realize how much she had affected me. There was no doubt in my mind that Lin loved me and valued our bond, but it was clear that she didn't care about my feelings or how she was treating me. She was a woman of logic, saying whatever came to my mind without any indication of how it would affect the other person. I was tired of her selfishness, her cruelty, her lack of respect. I had endured it for years and years and I am not going to any longer.

She doesn't want me to hold back?

Fine then.

And with these words, I pulled out my second knife in my left hand.

Whenever I sparred with other people or with challengers in the ring in Mirkwood, I almost never had to use my second knife. It was only when I got serious did I bring it out.

I don't know what look I gave Lin when I brought out my second knife, but whatever it looked like, her smile immediately disappeared.

There was no reason to hold back, was there?

I then lunged at her with both my knives, causing her to block my attack with her sword.

I pressed down hard on the sword, causing her to struggle and try to push me up. I was too strong for her.

I released one knife and tried swinging it towards her. She managed to push me back though, trying to swing her sword towards my arm. I dodged it, but it tore the fabric of my garb. She launched her sword towards my head, but I blocked the blow with both of my knives.

We were both pushing our weapons towards each other, I could see the various emotions in her eyes: anger, confusion, frustration, and care. I didn't care how she felt. And it seemed like she felt the same way.

Our weapons clashed together over and over, actively trying to hurt the other.

There was so much tension between the two of us. I was letting my anger and frustration at Lin get to me and cloud my judgment.

I could tell Lin was trying really hard to win the upper hand, but I was not going to let that happen. For some reason, I became a much better fighter with all of this pent up rage and sadness. Rage and sadness that she herself caused me.

She was going to pay with that.

She tried to hit me again, but she failed. I found an opening and cut her tunic's sleeve. I smirked. We matched now.

She growled in anger and lunged at me, the strength of the blow catching me a bit by surprise. I pushed back against her, our glares matching the other. I broke the hold and lunged at her again.

Our weapons clashing angrily at each other, causing loud and screeching noises as the weapons of metal met again and again in a dance of violence.

Everything I felt, everything I thought, everything I wanted to say was reflected in my fighting.

She fought very well...

But I was gaining the upper hand on her.

And she knew it, too.

Clang!

That's for Father.

Clang! Clang! Clang!

That's for Frodo.

Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!

That's for me!

Clang! Clang! Clang! CLANG!

And that's for everything else!

CLANG!

I swung my right knife under her sword, causing it to fall out of her hand and into the air. She flinched for one second and I pushed her to the ground.

I held my knife to her throat in my victory. I felt the rage flow through my entire body. I know that it wouldn't have left a scratch on her, but the rage almost made me do something I know I would regret. I wanted to hurt my sister. I wanted to hurt her the way she had caused me pain since I woke up.

But instead, I said...

"You need work."

I then pulled my knives away and walked away from her before I did or said anything else. I can't believe I lost control like that. Regardless of how I feel towards Lin right now, she's still my sister. How could I even think of doing such an unforgivable thing? Have I really fallen so far?

"Was that entirely necessary?" she said enraged.

"You told me not to hold back. I'm merely honoring your request," I said coldly, putting my knives back in their respective sheaves and walking away to gather the rest of my equipment.

I needed to get away. I need to get as far away from Lin as possible before I say or do something that I know I will regret.

"Do you have something you want to say to me, Neera?" Lin asked angrily.

"I have NOTHING to say to you, sister," I responded.

"Clearly you do, Neera!" she yelled at me as I left. "You're just too much of coward to admit it!"

"Or maybe you're too proud to actually listen to anyone but yourself!" I yelled in retaliation, tasting the bitterness within in my words as I spoke them.

And with that, I left the grounds. If Lin said something in response, I forced myself to ignore it. I feared I might actually try to hurt her.

I went out deep into the woods. I threw my knives onto the ground in anger. In the past week, I had felt nothing but heartbreak and despair. Those thoughts consumed me. It was all I could possibly think about. The sorrow and despair of not being able to see Frodo and not being able to be with him were too much to bear. I know I had willingly made that promise to my sister but she's the one that backed me into a corner. So lost in her pride and contempt for anyone outside our family that she didn't realize how badly she was affecting me. She wasn't protecting me. She was torturing me. She was driving me insane by how she treated me like a puppet for her own amusement. She was assuming everything was normal in my heart because I had chosen to forget about Frodo and let him go. If she wants to live in an alternate reality just so she can feel less guilty about what's she done, that's just fine. But I will have no further part in it. I am not her puppet and I am tired of acting like it.

I pulled out an arrow from my quiver and shot it at the nearby tree, aiming at the hole in the middle.

But I missed.

What? Did I miss my intended target? That was unusual.

I tried again.

But yet again, I missed.

So I tried a different target, a branch towards the middle of another tree near the first one.

Missed again.

I shot one at the highest peak of the tree.

Missed again.

I tried one last time and I missed that one, as well.

I furrowed my brows and gritted my teeth.

This isn't like me at all. I never miss my targets. I never am this unfocused. I am my father's second in command. I'm more skilled than any of the other warriors in the Woodland Realm. Even the King, who despises my very existence, can't deny my skill on the battlefield. I always hit my targets and I always win my battles. I was calm and collected whereas now I am irrational and emotional. My emotions almost caused me to hurt my sister. No matter how angry I am with her, that was out of line. I was never like this before. I shouldn't be acting like this. Now I can't even hit one target on a tree.

I tried one last time and it didn't even land remotely near the tree.

What is wrong with me?!

What is happening to me?!

I heard myself yelling.

I ended up yelling in frustration and threw my mother's bow against one of the trees, threw my quiver in the other direction, and threw myself to the ground in my rage. I yelled again. I knew I was better than this. Or was I really just pathetic and worthless all along and I just didn't realize it?

What good I am if I can't even protect the person I love?

I fell back onto the floor of the wood. I felt such anger and frustration as I punched the dirt under my hands. I lay back onto the dirt in the earth and looked up at the sky. The sun high in the sky, but as usual, the light of the sun didn't feel like anything. It just felt as lifeless as a rock. The forest and I had always had a deep connection. Regardless of which forest it was, I had always felt united with the trees, leaves, dirt, and grass. I felt like I disrespected the forest. Now, here I was acting like a child instead of the Princess of Mirkwood. I remembered back when I was younger. I acted this way, too. I practiced so long and hard in the forest and I didn't manage to hit any of the targets. Father came and told me that because my heart and mind were angry, the arrow was reflecting my heart. Only when I was calm and still as the wind could I manage to become one with my arrow.

I didn't realize how important that lesson was until now.

If the arrow reflected the heart of the archer, then my arrow reflected the tempest raging my heart. How it raged towards my sister. How it wanted to die. How full of despair and sadness it was. How it ached for my love.

I'm disgracing my father by acting like this.

"Father. I'm acting rather disgraceful, aren't I? I've become rather shameful to Mirkwood, haven't I? I've disappointed you, haven't I?" I said in shame.

I'm just glad you're not here to witness how far I've fallen from your teachings. I'm sorry. When I return home, I can no longer serve at your side if I continue to act as I do now. You deserve far better than an emotional and cowardly archer who has lost her light.

Father. I just wish you were here. I need you.

Forgive me, Father. I never intended for any of this to happen. I never intended to fall in love. Forgive me for doing this.

As I thought about Father, I thought about how much I missed him. It was now three months since I said goodbye to him at the entrance of Mirkwood. He hadn't been opposed to my journey. All he told me was to look after myself and to remember the lessons he taught me. As I hadn't planned on getting this far, I didn't think about writing him. He must be so worried about Lin and I. There was no method of contacting Father, so until we returned to Mirkwood, he would have to remain in the dark about everything. I could never tell him about Frodo or anything that's happened. Even though Father would be the best person to discuss this with, I can't do that. Father can't lose me. Father had bravely managed to live on after losing Mother, but only because we existed. I cannot ask my father to endure any more suffering. If it means protecting Father, then I will try to forget about Frodo and everything on this journey. Father had sacrificed enough to ensure Lin and my happiness. He's endured years of mockery and shaming by the King after Father married Mother and had Lin and I. He doesn't let it affect him because he has us. I cannot make my father suffer more. Father's happiness has always been the reason I never left Mirkwood before. So I will return to Mirkwood and forget all of this. I have to.

Mirkwood.

Whenever I think about Mirkwood, all I can think about is how little I want to return.

Then my mind began to wonder. If Father found out about Frodo, what would he say? Would he react the same way as Lin did? Would he tell me to abandon my feelings? I know he defied his father to be with my mother, but they were of the same race. Even if my mother was a lower class Elf, she was still an Elf. Even though people in Shasta's line had historically not always found their destined one in Mirkwood, this was the first time in my knowledge that a destined one was a Hobbit. What a cruel joke to have ones destined be a halfling when you're an immortal. Even if we weren't of this damned existence, our time together would be pitifully short.

I sighed. I was thinking about Frodo yet again even though I told myself to forget about him.

Now that I knew he was awake, the more often my thoughts went to him. The more I longed to defy my sister and go and see him. I can't forget about him even when I bury myself in everything else. Ever since his awakening, that just made me think about him even more. I don't know how I can possibly face him after what happened at Weathertop.

The pain in my heart never subsides. All I constantly think about is him and how much I long to see him. All I want to do is just hold him in my arms and just beg him for my forgiveness. Not that I deserve it, but I would still beg for it. He's just left a gaping hole in my heart that causes me to feel incredibly hollow.

But it still doesn't matter how I feel.

I WILL forget about him one way or the other. He deserves so much better than someone like me.

I walked back to the entrance of Rivendell. I was tired and mentally exhausted, so I wanted nothing more than to go to my room and lock the door. I did not want to see anyone. I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach.

Then I was confronted with someone that I had been purposefully avoiding for the past few days.

Something that he knew all too well.

Sam stood on the bridge leading back to the gates, arms crossed and an angry and outraged look on his face. Though he was significantly shorter than me, he still looked very intimidating.

"Lady Neera," Sam said. "I demand to speak with you."

I couldn't allow that to happen. I knew that if I spoke to Sam, he would ultimately guilt me into going to see Frodo yet again.

"Now is not the best time, Sam," I said trying to get around him.

"Then when is the right time, Lady Neera? You've been purposefully avoiding me the past few days and don't think I haven't noticed."

Of course, you noticed. You're not a foolish man.

Sam's words were forceful and angry. It wasn't as if I didn't deserve it. I had been unnecessarily cold to him, Merry, Pippin and especially Frodo. None of them deserved to be treated like this when they had done nothing wrong. But none of them would understand if I told them.

"You haven't gone to see Mr. Frodo again since I told you he woke up, my lady. After our first talk, I thought you understood how badly he needs you at his side."

"He didn't wake up because of me, Sam," I said indifferently. "He just woke up on his own terms. That's all there is to it."

"You and I both know that's not true, my lady," he retorted. "So don't play that game with me."

"Sam, get out of my way," I said forcing him aside.

But Sam wasn't done.

"Why are you running away from him, Lady Neera?" Sam yelled after me. "Since Weathertop you haven't even been able to look me in the eye or go see Mr. Frodo. What happened to you? You and Mr. Frodo care about each other more than anything else and you're running away from him when he needs you!"

"Whatever happens to Frodo has nothing to do with me," I said, restraining my voice. "What you said before isn't true. Frodo didn't wake up because I went to see him."

I'm saying these cruel things to fool myself into a delusion that we both know isn't true.

"All I know Lady Neera is that Mr. Frodo is miserable in his room. He's too shy to say it, but he misses you terribly. He's not eating and he sleeps far too much. He won't even get up to try to walk. I've been there to comfort him, but I know that I can only do so much. You're the one he needs. You're the only one he desperately wants to see! I thought you loved him, Lady Neera! Why do you have to insist that you don't?"

Because it doesn't matter. No matter how much I love him, I can never be with him. I can never make him happy.

"It doesn't matter how I feel, Sam," I said blankly. "None of that matters. It has nothing to do with me."

"Why are you running away like a coward, Lady Neera? You're not a coward by nature, but you do a decent job at acting like one!"

Does Sam dare to say those things to me? Does he honestly believe that I am enjoying this? I don't want to do this. I don't find satisfaction for doing this to Frodo or any of them. But I have to do this. Frodo isn't the only one suffering. This is killing me, eating at me every day until I can't breathe.

"Remember who you're talking to Samwise," I said through gritted teeth. His words were getting through to me. I never knew I could use such a tone with such a kind person as Sam. Have I really fallen so low that I must blame Sam for my own failings?

"To be frank my lady I don't even know who I'm talking to. The woman that stands before me is a puppet and a coward. The person that I knew, the one I met in Bag End, would never abandon Mr. Frodo or be unkind or unfeeling to anyone. I don't know what has happened to you my lady, but I hardly recognize you."

And with that, Sam was gone.

Sam's words weren't just forceful this time, but hurtful. They were meant to hurt me, to guilt me, to make me feel responsible.

Is it as he says? Am I just being cruel by staying away from him? Did he really need me? Does he miss me that much that he's barely able to do anything?

No. None of that could be true. I'm the one who let Frodo down. He should be angry with me for abandoning him and then failing to protect him. How am I supposed to face him knowing that?

No. He is better off without me. He deserves better than someone like me.

It is not going to work this time, Sam.

I am not going to allow you to guilt me into going to see Frodo a second time.

No matter how much I want to see him, no matter how much my heart is in turmoil, I'm just going to end up hurting us both in the end.

I am not going to go see him. It doesn't matter if I see him or not. I cannot break my promise to my sister a second time. I felt guilty about doing it in the first place.

I will not go see him. I am stronger than Sam's words. I will not let him get to me again.

That's what I kept telling myself until I ended up here.

Outside Frodo's room.

Again.

I need to stop letting Sam guilt me. He's too skilled at that for his own good.

More importantly, what am I doing here? What on earth am I doing? I know that I can't be here. I made a promise not to come here ever again. If Lin caught me here, there's no doubt that we would have yet another quarrel. If she knew that this was the second time, that would be even worse. The tensions between us had been absolutely unbearable. Her pride preventing her from seeing that what she was doing to me was torture. If I were to tell her that, she wouldn't understand why. She only viewed things in logical terms, not emotional. She hid her emotions behind a cloud of logic. It meant that she was very intelligent, but it also meant that she no longer viewed emotions as necessary. She buried all of them deep inside of herself as a way of protection.

We truly can never go back to the way we were.

But more than Lin, seeing Frodo is just going to make things harder in the long run. Even without Lin's words, I know that I can't be with him. Even though I felt as if I could tell him anything, I could never explain to him why I can't be with him. I can never ask him to be with me in the way I want. How can I ask someone I failed to protect to be at my side? How can I ask something so selfish? No matter how much I love him, I can never give him what he wants. I can never give him what he so rightly deserved. Based on my time in the Shire, I knew that the couples had large families that were very tight-knit. I could never give him that. As much as I have always wanted a child of my own, I can never have that. I have always known that if I ever met my soulmate, it would be bittersweet. I love Frodo more than anything, but it's tainted by the fact that I will bring him so much pain just for being alive. Meeting him made me feel like I existed for the very first time in my entire life. But it also made me realize that it was the beginning of the end.

I peered into the room. The candles were dim. The carvings and architecture the same. The sound of the waterfall constant and rushing.

And then I saw him.

It was just as Sam said. He was awake and sitting up in bed. His back faced to the door, watching the sky, still under the covers of his bed. It was too good to be true. As much as I wanted it to be true, it still didn't seem like it was. When I was with him last, he was dying in my arms, shrieking in pain, and crossing over into the world of the Wraiths. Now he here was: sitting up in bed and awake. Why was he awake so late? It was the middle of the night and he needs to rest to get his strength back. Lord Elrond told me that now that he's regained consciousness, he must get plenty of rest for the remainder of the healing to take effect. He said there's a block that stopping him from fully getting better. He couldn't tell what that was but said that for now, he needed to rest until he could figure out what it was.

I accidentally lost my grip on the door's edge and caused a slipping noise.

He turned his head at the noise and I immediately hid outside the door. He couldn't have seen me, right?

"Neera?" he called.

I flinched outside the doorway. How on earth did he know it was me? He didn't see me. I was sure of it. It was also really dark outside and the candlelight was very scarce. How did he know? I had a choice. I could stand here and pretend that I wasn't like a child. Or I could go out and see him.

"Please come out. I know it's you."

I sighed.

I guess I had no choice but to show myself.

Slowly and carefully, I made my way out to make myself known. I had been both dreading and longing for this moment.

I gazed into those azure eyes that I had longed to see. I began mentally preparing myself for whatever he had to say to me.

I could take whatever anger and sadness he felt towards me. I deserved it. I am the one who failed him.

But at the same time, standing here with him didn't feel real. I had been told that he was alive and that he was alright. But one has to see these things in order for their mind and heart to process it as true. Standing here before him, something I had done so many times before, now terrified me more than anything. I had been longing for this moment. Now that I was here, I wanted to run away like a coward.

I walked over to his bed until I was standing beside him. We never broke eye contact for a single moment.

We stared at each other for several moments. Neither of us moved and no one said anything. The silence in the room was torture. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Frodo was truly alive. Sam had been telling the truth. He was awake now and had returned to us. I had longed to see those azure eyes of his just one last time and here they were. Fully open and full of shock. It was like he was taking in the sight of me. Like he couldn't believe it himself that I was here in front of him. He had that look on his face of someone who couldn't tell if they were dreaming or not. I could imagine I looked the same as him.

I then exhaled and looked away from him. I dreaded what was to come. I knew that he would most likely be angry at me for abandoning him at Weathertop. It was my fault for everything that happened and therefore, if he wanted nothing further to do with me, I would understand. I would keep my distance from him. If that's what he wanted, I would do it.

Then all of sudden, like the sunrise off the top of a hill that banishes the night, he smiled that smile of his.

"What took you so long?" he said wearily but maintaining that smile. "I've been waiting for you."

I couldn't move or even speak after he said that. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even scowling at me. Though he looked weary, his eyes were full of light and happiness. The relief in his eyes was what stood out. Sam was right.

He had been waiting for me.

After a while of my silence, he started laughing.

"Alright then," he said, laughing, showing off a weaker version of his sarcastic smirk. There was a twinkle in his eyes. "Keep your secrets."

I was stunned. I barely even heard what he said.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"But I know you've got something to do with it," he said jokingly.

I was so stunned at that statement that I didn't even know what to say. Once it registered with me what he said, I smiled back at him. I could only start laughing uncontrollably. It started very soft and controlled and became uncontrollable. I remembered almost immediately. I remembered he said that to Grandfather and I after we didn't respond to him. It was the first time I saw that side of Frodo. The one that was secretly very witty and playful. The one that always teased and approached every situation with humor. The one that always made me laugh and smile.

I couldn't stop laughing at this remark, covering my entire face with my hand. Logically, I knew it wasn't that humorous and that Frodo hadn't intended it to be. But the more I laughed, I began to realize that this wasn't genuine laughing. This was every emotion being released from my body that I had forced away inside me for the sake of my sister. Every single thought, every single restrained laugh, every single tear, every single moment I spent thinking about him and longing for him all at once was being released from my body. All of the despair, anger, sadness, and relief all at once. This laughter was not real. It was the beginning of the facade I had been imprisoned under cracking. It felt like madness being released from my body.

"Neera," Frodo laughed. "You weren't supposed to laugh that much."

I know I wasn't. This isn't laughter. It's everything you could possibly imagine.

But then he removed my hand and saw the facade break. His smile disappeared upon seeing the beginning of the abundance of tears I had been forced to lock away inside of me.

"Neera," he said, like in pain.

I couldn't stop myself anymore.

I practically shoved myself into his arms, wrapping my arms around him tightly and burying my face in his shoulder. I needed to feel him. Feel his warmth, his touch, the feel of his skin, the sound of his heartbeat. Anything to confirm that Sam wasn't lying to me. That he was really here. That he was alive and well. That he had actually heard me and came back to me.

This isn't a dream, is it?

"Neera?" Frodo said in shock.

Every emotion I had buried deep inside me came rushing together at the same time and then the damn broke.

It didn't just break. It was eviscerated. Just like the barriers around my heart that had been destroyed all because of one person.

Because of Frodo.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Frodo!"

Because of my love for him.

I started sobbing uncontrollably. I commend myself. I had held in these tears for so long. No matter how many times I felt like I was going to break, I had to hold them in because of my sister. If my sister saw I was suffering so much, she would have never let me hear the end of it. For the past week, I had been completely broken. Completely shattered. I couldn't see the light and so my powers wouldn't work. Now that I knew how I felt about him, being apart from him had rendered me completely powerless. I felt completely broken. I can't bear to continue to be apart from him. I can't do it anymore. I can't stay away from him. I know I am damned and I know that I'm just going to hurt myself even more by doing this. But I can no longer honor my promise to my sister. This man has forced his way into my soul and has my heart completely. I can no longer pretend like he doesn't exist as my sister wishes.

It's only him.

Forgive me, Father.

Forgive me, Lin.

He is now my light. I can't be apart from him any longer.

"Neera," he said softly.

Holding him now like this, I realized yet again that there's no possible way these emotions I've been feeling towards could be that of mere friendship. It's love, it's always been love.

Frodo slowly placed his arms around me in return, very carefully. He placed his hand on the back on my head as I had done to him so many times before.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Frodo said kindly.

I shook my head, tightening my arms around him. I was shaking like a leaf through my sobs. I couldn't stop myself from crying, from embracing him. I can't help it. I was entirely desperate to feel his warmth. The warmth that I had grown so accustomed to. The last time I held him, as I said before, it was like touching a being that spent their entire life abandoned in a frozen and dead wasteland. It was so unlike Frodo. That wasn't the person I fell in love with. He was someone that was always so full of life and to have that horrible thing happen to him was devastating. I needed to feel him. I had so desperately longed for him and now that I have him in my arms, I'm afraid I won't be able to let go of him.

A fact he seemed to understand.

"It's alright. I'm alright. Neera, I'm here."

We stayed like that for a long time.

He let me cry until I was finished. He never let go of me, comforting me as I had comforted him in the past. His hands were gentle and warm as they explored my hair, his words calm and kind, his smile soft. I couldn't see it, but I could feel it as he held me in his arms. It was not smug or unkind. It was happy like he had been longing for this just I had. As if he was perfectly content in holding and comforting me in such a weak and vulnerable moment. I had dreamt of this. I had wanted to hold him like this for so long. I had desperately wanted to see him ever since I woke up. I never thought I would ever see him again. The last time I held him in my arms he was dying. That was to be my final memory of him. My sister made it perfectly clear she never wanted me seeing this man ever again. I made my resolutions to forget about him and never see him again. Even though that was the best course of action for both our sakes, here I was. Here I was, crying in his arms and holding him close to me. I never thought a moment like this would be possible for us. I had forced myself to never even imagine something like this ever happening, it was here. Even though I felt weak and pathetic for showing this side of myself to him, there was no judgment or bitterness in the way he held me. Just tenderness and care and affection.

As if he shared the same feelings as I did.

He pulled back from me, a small smile on his face. He reached up with both hands and wiped the tears away from my eyes with his fingertips. I looked into those azure blue eyes of his, the eyes I had been longing to see for weeks now. The last time I saw them they were wretched, cold, and dead. The sparkle and tenderness in his eyes had come back. I recognized that gaze all too well.

Is it just me imagining things, or does that gaze look more intimate than it was before?

This is real.

He was alive. He was here. He had come back to me.

He brought our foreheads together, his hands gently cupping my face, his eyes closed softly in peace as he just felt me. He didn't say a word and he didn't have to. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

I closed my eyes, too, and reached up and felt him in return, running my fingers through his messy brown hair. I never wanted to be so close to someone before. This was the warmth of the person I had missed so terribly. I remembered how much I missed him, how much I desperately wanted to see him. Those hands that had once felt like touching freezing death now felt warm and loving. This was my Frodo. This was the person I had longed for and loved. It wasn't a dream. Frodo was alive and had come back to me as I so desperately begged. He had heard me. He was waiting for me all this time and had come back to me.

I never thought I would fall in love with anyone. I lived my entire life avoiding doing such a thing.

I didn't know that love could be so heartbreaking, terrifying, painful, and sad. But that it could also be so warm, lovely, kind, delightful and so wonderful.

I never thought I could feel so broken, so lost, so afraid and yet so warm, so happy so calm, so loved and so at peace.

It was all because of him.

Regardless of my hatred and desire for revenge against Sauron, I know that I fell in love with the right person. The only good thing he ever did was give me this person. This was the person I was meant to be with. There was no doubt in my mind. Of all the people in all of Middle Earth, what good thing did I do to get a man as kind, gentle, caring and brave as this one?

I'll probably never know.

He then pulled away from me again, his hands dropping from my face. He lay back on the bed in his original position and pulled the covers back in a silent invitation. I recognized that gaze in his eyes.

He wanted us to hold each other again as we did the day before the tragic incident at Weathertop.

Against all logic and rationale and everything in my whole mind telling me to run away...

I couldn't bring myself to say no.

When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar room. This was not my room and this was not my bed. Whenever I woke up, I never heard the waterfall this close. Where was I?

But then I looked down to the beautiful man in my arms, his eyes closed peacefully, his head resting on my heart. Memories of our reunion flooded into my mind. I smiled softly. It was the first time I ever felt so happy upon waking up.

It wasn't a dream then. We had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

I didn't remember much from last night after I silently got into his bed. All I remember is just holding him close and refusing to let go of him. I was terrified that if I let go of him, he would vanish.

I had never woken up in the arms of another person while in a bed before. The morning after we held each other like this, I hadn't slept that entire night. I couldn't allow myself to fall asleep. I spent most of that night questioning how I felt about him. I couldn't sleep as a result of that. But last night was different. I had barely slept the last few nights because of my sister and because of worrying about Frodo. All that exhaustion had manifested into me. I practically fell asleep the moment I gathered him in his arms. This was the first time I woke up holding another person. I had always thought it would be strange to wake up next to another person. I couldn't believe I thought such a foolish thing. It was warm and peaceful. It felt natural to me. It was as if this is how we should always be. Was this how Father felt upon waking up next to Mother?

We were so close to each other. How was it possible that in the course of the night, we hadn't separated from each other at all?

And yet it still wasn't close enough.

Oh, Gods.

What on earth am I doing?

As if we had planned it, the moment I tightened my arms around him, he tightened his arms around me. At first, I was startled. I hadn't expected that. I looked down again and saw his eyes still shut, but his grip proved that he was awake. He didn't say a word, nor did he have to. I didn't fight it. I just allowed it to happen. I then looked out of his windows to the world outside. And for the first time in a very long time, I could see it.

The heart of the sunrise and the light emitting from it.

I could see it again. I could see it so clearly. For the first time since Weathertop, I could feel the light. I felt the sunlight as it rose and shone on Frodo's bed as we lay in each other's arms. The light that I had lost and could no longer see had been returned. The darkness that had enveloped my world had begun to leave. The sadness and anguish I had forced myself to go through had started to leave. With the sunrise peering here on the horizon from Frodo's window, I could feel the darkness begin to fade. I could see the light again. I felt it envelop me from every part. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of my power being restored.

It's all because of you, my love.

Thank you for coming back to me.

Lin had been wrong all along about my light.

For the last few days, she had been telling me that the light had been blocked because of my will power. But she was wrong. It was true. I had been able to create light before I met Frodo. It was because I never had a reason for powering the light. The descendants before us were the same way. They may have been powerful in their light, but the power of the arrows of light never reached their full potential until they met their beloved. Before, my spirit had been enough to power the arrow because I didn't have a reason to access the full power. Now that I had found Frodo, I realized how powerful and yet how vulnerable my power had become.

And it made me realize that I don't care.

I don't care anymore. I don't care if it's wrong or if we're doomed or if we come from different worlds. I don't care about that anymore. I don't care about any of it. I can't stay away anymore. It's killing us both. Sam had told me how hurt and broken Frodo had been as a result of me not seeing him. He rightfully scolded me about keeping my distance. He was right in saying everything that he said to me.

But the fact still remained that once Frodo got his strength back, he would return to his life and I to mine.

Regardless of whether or not I continued to break my promise to Lin, that fact still remained clear.

Why can't I have this? Why can't I be allowed to just cling to this happiness? Why can't I stay in this person's arms? Why does it have to be like this? We're not doing anything wrong, Lin. All we are is just two people that found each other in this broken and accursed world. Why is it that our care for each other has to be used in order to destroy us? That's just cruel. Why did we have to meet like this?

I knew I would eventually have to leave this embrace. I was breaking my promise to my sister and if she found me here, I dread to think about what she might say or do to me.

I tightened my grip around him again. I needed to be closer. I needed to feel this warmth. Commit everything to memory before I will have to leave again and pretend like nothing happened. His warmth, the feel of his skin, the feel of his hair, the sound of his heartbeat. He didn't open his eyes, but he responded to my grip with his own.

I'll give it a few more minutes.

Just a few more.

Just for one moment, can't I be happy?

Can't I be allowed that?

That's it! I hope you enjoyed it!

They've reunited again. Of course, Frodo doesn't blame her for what happened. He's been waiting for her and longing for her all this time. It was quite foolish for Neera to ever believe that.

On top of that, Neera is going to be reunited with her father next chapter! As Legolas is beautiful beyond words, it's going to lead to some hilarious misunderstandings. What do I mean exactly? You'll just have to read the next chapters!

I loved reading everyone's reactions to Lin and was sad no one said anything about Arwen! She's an important part of Neera's story for this section! Oh well. I'm just thankful for all of you!

I gave you hope instead of despair this time. I will not apologize for the pain train. This is Middle Earth and it is not a happy story. It is an unforgiving world, but that doesn't mean it can't have moments of happiness and love. We see that multiple times throughout Tolkien's story and it only makes sense for it to happen here. Their troubles are far from over and they're not going to admit their feelings to each other for a very long time, but still, they deserve a moment like this.

Thank you so much for your continued support of the Light in the Darkness!

Until next time!

Kagomehater4ever