The Light in the Darkness

Chapter 17: Star Crossed

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12,277 words, ladies and gents! That's how much I love you!

ANYWAY!

I enjoyed writing this chapter. I have been wanting to write more of their relationship when they're not being chased by evil. Also, she's going to get quite a shock today. What could it be? Let's find out!

Let's return to the great love story of our two favorites, Frodo and Neera.

DISCLAIMER: I sadly do not own any aspect of Lord of the Rings. I only own the story, Lin and Neera who tells the story.

"Do you have to go?" he asked sadly.

"If I'm discovered here by my sister," I said, while I laced up my boots next to the bed, my back towards him. "That is a sight I do not want to witness for both our sakes."

I fell asleep in my Mirkwood garb from yesterday and it was all wrinkled from sleeping in it. I fell asleep in it. Lin would believe that when she saw me. It wasn't necessarily a lie. That would be my explanation to her. She would believe that.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm breaking a promise by being here," I said grimly, the guilt flowing through me. "And if she finds out I'm breaking that promise..."

I don't even want to imagine it. As I finished putting my boots back on, I got up from the bed. I was about to vacate the room when his hand grabbed onto my wrist. I turned around to see his desperate expression.

"You will come again?" he asked briskly. "Won't you?"

Even though I shouldn't and that I comprehend I shouldn't. Even though I was breaking a promise to my sister. Even though our relationship was damned because of me. Even though this would only end up hurting us more when we had to eventually part ways...

"Yes."

I can't stay away from him. I just can't do it. It was killing both of us to stay apart. He didn't need to say anything. I could see it in his eyes. I knew he would fall apart if I stayed away again. Sam was once again correct. The only way Frodo would recover was for me to visit him. I don't know why and I can't presume anything about how he feels for me. But regardless, I needed to see him, too.

"But only in the evenings, when Lin is asleep," I said.

I leaned over and embraced him tightly. I didn't ever want to let go. He clearly didn't either. This was the first time he didn't flinch in surprise upon our embrace. He automatically returned it. I squeezed my eyes tightly, memorizing every part of him. I didn't know what anticipated me when I left the room. Lin could already be awake and out looking for me. What if she discovered I was violating my promise to her?

I didn't want to imagine it. I just got him back. I didn't want to ever let him go again.

But I was brought of these thoughts by his voice.

"Please," he said wearily, yet desperately. He sounded like a neglected child. "Please promise to come back tonight. I just... I just...I need you here with me. I don't want to be apart from you."

Oh, Frodo. I don't want to be apart from you either. I never want to be apart from you. I forced back the tears that stung at my eyes upon thinking this. I never wanted to be away from him.

"I need you too," I replied back.

This is the closest I will ever get to tell him exactly how I feel.

"You will be back?" he said again.

I laughed and looked back at him smiling.

"Yes, Mr. Baggins," I said teasing, a lavish rush of happiness flowing through me upon looking at him. I ruffled his hair playfully, causing him to laugh. "I will be back tonight and if you ask me again, I will throw one of your pillows at you."

We both had a good laugh over that before our smiles turned sad and I reluctantly walked out the door.

"Until later then, my lady."

As I walked down the hall from his room, I felt so joyful. I smiled for the first time in weeks. I had to conceal my mouth to hide my smile. Not a false and pretend smile that I had forced for my sister for these tedious and miserable days. How is it possible something that I know to be wrong brings me such happiness? I can never tell him how I really feel for him. But the fact that I am defying my sister to see him fills me with excitement instead of dread. I think I might be going a bit mad. My heart feels like it's going to burst. Holding him like that knowing all of my feelings for him fulfilled me in a way that I had never felt before. I felt truly alive when I was with Frodo. I now realize that my former self in Mirkwood was just a hollow puppet. She had no identity apart from her father's second in command. She didn't authentically live. She just existed. She let herself be consumed by fear and pushed everyone away in an attempt to protect herself.

That wasn't a life.

It was a life that was not about living. It was as Lady Arwen said. It was a life of survival, which is not living.

But I don't know how to live another life apart from that one. It's all I have and yet I don't want to go back to it. Why am I reaching for something that I can never have? It's just going to hurt us both in the end.

I looked back down the hallway that leads to his room. What on earth am I doing? I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be going to see him.

But I just can't stay away anymore.

I went back to my room to suddenly grab my bow and arrows before Lin noticed. Lin was habitually an early riser. I didn't know what time it was, but as the sun rose a few moments ago, it couldn't be more than 7 o'clock. Regardless, I needed to act fast before Lin noticed that something was out of place. I managed to get to my room on time. It didn't look like Lin had woken up yet. I was just in the process of closing the door to my room when I heard my name being called.

"Neera!"

I flinched. The distinct person I was trying to avoid was anticipating me. I turned around and there was my sister looking rather agitated and out of breath.

"Where have you been?" she asked. "I've been looking all over for you!"

I panicked a little. I didn't expect to run into her this quickly. Even though I had already planned out everything before I came here, I all of a sudden couldn't say a word.

Lin sighed.

"I guess you slept in your clothes again," she said agitated, beginning to look me up and down. "How many times have I told you not to do that? You don't have any other clothes with you."

So the lie essentially worked? I felt relieved. I wasn't a very accomplished liar. I would sometimes stumble over my words.

"Now come on," she said rapidly. "Daylight won't last forever like this."

Why is she acting so ordinary? Didn't she remember our fight yesterday?

But I was brought out of my thoughts when she seized my wrist and dragged me behind her. I didn't protest. I knew her so well. I knew that even if I did protest, it would not deter her in the slightest.

She lugged me into the forest. It was the familiar scenario we had found ourselves in each day. One where she tried in futile effort to make my light return to me. I wasn't even fully certain if my light was back. Just because I felt it earlier didn't mean it had actually returned to me. I started doubting myself. What if it was indeed gone forever? Was that even possible? I know my spirit had been broken because of what happened to Frodo. No matter how much Lin told me that that wasn't true, it was true. My spirit doesn't feel as hollow and dark as it did the previous day. Is it possible my power has returned to me? I know I thought so this morning when the sun rose. But just because I feel it doesn't necessarily mean it's back.

Or does it?

It felt contradictory than it was in the past. Before I met Frodo, the light had been just always constant in my body. There was ne'er a need to worry about it going away because it always felt very constant and ongoing. But after spending the night with Frodo, the feeling of light in my body feels different. It feels more illuminated. It feels mightier. It feels completely different than the light I had before.

"I know you went to the forest to practice yesterday after our fight."

Oh. So she did recall our fight? If that's true, then why is she acting so normal?

"How do you know that?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"Because I know you, sister."

I rolled my eyes. That was beside the point.

"Is it true you missed all of the shots you took?" she asked, seeming to hesitate in asking.

"Indeed, I did. What of it?"

"That's not like you. I know it was likely because of my actions yesterday and I apologize."

I raised an eyebrow. What was she up to? She never outwardly apologized like this.

"I have been pressuring you too hard to get your light back. My methods, while unorthodox, I fully believed would work to return your light."

Well, that didn't exactly work, now did it?

"I just want you to try one more time. Without any of my methods or suggestions. I want you to shoot at the target and try to release the light one more time."

I knew there was no sense in talking her out of it. It's not like she ever listened to me anyway. I pulled my bow out and placed an arrow of light.

She stood behind me as I pulled my arm back and took aim at the target. After my dismal performance yesterday, I didn't feel confident in hitting it. Could I really do it? I doubted myself more than I did before. If I missed that many targets yesterday, who knows how many I'll hit today? I couldn't do it. I had lost my ability.

"Lin," I said. "We've been at this for days. It's not going to work."

"Yes, it will. There is one way we haven't tried yet."

"I thought you said you weren't making suggestions," I said indifferently.

"I think this one will work. Just imagine the brightest moment in your life. Allow it to fill your entire being. Your entire heart. Feel the light flow through you with that memory. Then we will see if it works."

"Is that how you channel your light?" I asked without looking at her.

"Yes." She seemed to hesitate to say that. She was never capable at expressing how she genuinely felt. I could tell she was really trying hard. "Now, it's your turn."

As I aimed at the target, I did what she said. I began thinking about the brightest moment of my life. She probably thought arrogantly the brightest moment in my life was in relation to her. While it was true some of my happiest memories were with her, it wasn't the brightest memory. When she said the brightest memory, I instantly thought of Frodo. All of the days that I spent with him were the most blissful moments I have ever known. But the one that was the brightest memory was the day that the world lit up in bursts of color and light. The day I gazed into those azure blue eyes for the very first time. The day I met him, my heart knew he was destined to be mine before my mind did. That day was the happiest memory because it was the first day I met him.

I felt the brightness of that day fill me up. I felt it in my whole mind and heart. He was my light now.

As I thought of him and that day, I discharged the arrow.

The light from the arrow was more bright and powerful than it had been in a long time.

It soared through the air and landed perfectly on the target.

Lin's face was that of amazement. My eyes were widened as well. But I shouldn't have been therefore surprised. I had felt the light return to me the moment the sunrise strike the room. I shouldn't have doubted the return of my light. Lin was wrong all along. It wasn't my spirit powering the light anymore. It was because of him.

"When did you obtain your power back?" she said in utter shock. "How did it happen?"

I smiled vaguely, looking at the target with pride. She would never understand.

"Who knows?" I replied, even though I already knew the answer.

And for that reason...

I don't care what anyone says.

I don't care what Lin says or if she finds out.

If we're going to eventually have to part from each other and ne'er see each other again...

I won't waste a second when we're together.

And so, for the next four days, this is how I typically spent my time.

In the evenings, as I willingly promised Frodo, I would visit him in his room and be with him.

I always waited until my sister fell asleep before I would climb out the window of my room with my weapons and head to Frodo's room. I took my weapons to have an excuse for being out of my room each morning. If Lin saw me with my weapons in the morning, she would naturally assume I went out to train as I had done back in Mirkwood. There was a couple of vines and branches under the window, so I used that as my way out of my room. If I had made a rope, that would have raised too many questions. For some reason, Lin never suspected a thing. My daily spars with her were easier to bear with because I had someone waiting for me in the evenings. Someone I used as prime motivation to get through the day. No matter how cruel she was or how much she talked about what we would do when we returned home, I endured all of it. I mostly blocked all of it out of my mind. No matter how much Lin tried to reconnect with me, I found myself less and less interested. After our fight, I knew our relationship would never be the same. Yes, she was my twin sister, and I love her. But I have come to realize I am no longer fond of her like I was before. As such, my daily spars with her were tedious and ordinary. Sometimes they were difficult to endure.

Going to see Frodo in the evening was the only thing that got me through the day.

Once I got there, I was cordially greeted with a warm smile and open arms.

Once in Frodo's room, it was just like how we were back in the Shire: inseparable. It was like nothing had changed. Although we had almost lost each other, we didn't act like any of that had happened. We would talk and laugh and reconnect. Sometimes for hours, just like we did before. Even though we were reconnecting, it never felt that way. It always felt as though no time had passed at all. Frodo and I always spent our days just talking and enjoying each other's company as we did in the Shire. The only difference was we held each other while we talked and touched each other a lot more. He could never know how I felt for him, nor could I make assumptions about how he felt for me.

Sometimes I would even bring books to read to him. We would sit up in bed, and he would lean against my shoulder as I read the words out loud.

But the way he held me and gently touched me ever since the night we joyfully reunited felt deeper and more loving than it was in the past. I could almost delude myself into believing he shared my feelings. Just almost, even though it was too much to wish for. It seemed almost too real.

But then once Frodo got tired, which was often, he would ask me to hold him as he slept. A request I could never refuse. These embraces were always very intimate and gentle. I could always feel him smile as I held him in my arms. As he always did when I touched him, he relaxed and practically melted. He went to sleep almost immediately. I stayed awake a little while after him just to enjoy the feeling of him in my arms, before falling asleep as well.

I had never felt so happy in my entire life. I hadn't smiled in so long. It was like we were back where we were. Lin would often comment on how she was relieved that my emotional state had improved and even thanked herself for being the supposed cause. It was rather laughable she was too proud to see the truth. The truth was he made me more happy and alive than I had ever been in my entire life. I feel like I truly exist as a person when I'm with him. I don't have to hide behind a facade or a mask whenever we're together. He accepts me as I truly am. Not just as a Princess or a warrior or even as an Elf. He sees me as I am, for what I am. And I feel the same way about him.

Each day I come and see him, he seems so content and happy. I can't help feeling the same. The way he just lights up upon me entering the room is precious. The only way I'm able to get through my day is the thought of seeing him. Once again, he became everything to me.

From the moment I first saw him until now, he is everything.

Once the sun rose on the horizon, I would have to leave his arms and his room to make sure my sister didn't catch me. It was very difficult for both of us, but Frodo understood. He did always beg me to stay a little longer each time, but never complained when I said I couldn't. Although his face of personal disappointment was always rather adorable to witness. He never pressed me for why I had to leave in the morning. She never suspected a thing. She was too proud to even consider the thought that I was seeing Frodo behind her back. Even though I did genuinely feel tremendous guilt for lying and breaking my promise to my sister, it sadly wasn't enough to stop me. I strangely didn't care enough about the dire consequences of what I was doing. I was only making the eventual parting of Frodo and me all the more devastating. The more time I spent with him, the more heartbreaking it would be when I would have to let go of him to return to Mirkwood.

But none of that mattered to me. Frodo was doing better as a result of my overnight visits and so was I. We were both so happy.

Although my sleep suffered and almost got caught a few times, I was happier than I had ever been.

I never knew it was possible to be this happy in my entire life.

And I never wanted it to stop.

Tonight, as I had done for the last few nights, snuck out the window and climbed down into the courtyard to eventually wander to his room. I was rushing down. I was really late. Lin had decided not to go to sleep at her usual time and had decided to stay in my dreary room for a while to talk to me. Not wanting to blow my cover, I indulged her and pretended as though nothing unusual was going on. Once she finally went to bed, I snuck out of the window. Frodo was still waiting for me. It was a lot later than our usual meeting time. I severely blame Lin for being late, but I couldn't just leave while she was in the room. She would immediately suspect something was wrong.

"Nice night for an escape, isn't it? I suppose you thought that was very clever," a familiar voice said.

I flinched. How is it possible they caught me? I thought they had long gone to bed. What were they doing up so late at night?

But I didn't need to fear. This voice didn't belong to the one I was lying to. I turned around to see Grandfather standing behind me. He had a very serious expression on his face.

"A little late for a stroll, isn't it, Grandfather?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Perhaps. But it's also a little late to be sneaking out of your room from your window, isn't it?" he said sternly.

"Why? Are you going to stop me?" I asked blankly. I couldn't show this phased me. Or even worse... "Are you going to tell Lin?"

"Perhaps," he said sternly.

But then he smiled and chuckled gleefully.

"And perhaps not," he said.

I smiled tenderly in return. I should have known Grandfather had known about my adventures to Frodo's room. He had practically raised me alongside Father. He knew me better than I knew myself.

"But I do respectfully suggest that in your future escapes you lock your door before leaving your room."

These were the only words he spoke before he wandered off into the moonlight as if nothing had happened.

I smirked after he had left and then ran off to his room.

When I arrived at Frodo's room, he was surprisingly asleep. The covers wrapped around his body and facing towards the door on his side. I smiled slightly. He must have been waiting for me and fell asleep. I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it to look at him.

How is it possible that something this beautiful existed?

It warmed my heart to see him sleeping naturally. The last time I had seen him sleeping on his own, it was when I went to his room to beg him to come back to me. When he was beyond our reach and slipping away from me. I still shudder when I remember those moments.

I reached over and lay my hand on the side of his face. His hair had gotten a bit wild probably from him sleeping. I caressed his face as he slept, getting lost in him yet again. I let my fingers run through his soft brown curls. Part of me wanted him to stay asleep, so I could stay like this with him for a little longer. In his dreams, he was safe from all of the horrors of the world. He didn't have to be in pain. He didn't have to remember with regret all of the grave evil in the world. In his dreams, he was safe. I mindlessly continued watching him sleep and caress his face. He was so beautiful even like this.

I didn't know it was possible to love someone this much.

I didn't deserve him.

But then after a while, his eyes started to flutter open. I felt utterly and terribly embarrassed to have been found this way, but he didn't say anything. He merely smiled and closed his eyes again at the feeling of my hand.

He hummed in contentment.

"You're here," he said softly, sleep in his voice. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming tonight."

I smiled.

"It took Lin awhile to fall asleep. It was very surprising. She never takes that long to fall asleep. I'm beginning to think she's starting to suspect me of something."

Frodo sat up and sleepily embraced me.

"But I'm here now."

He smiled.

"Yes."

I loved moments like this. Embracing him had become as regular as our falling asleep in each other's arms. As I said before, our relationship didn't change that much from our time together in the Shire. The only difference was we touched a bit more. It was incredibly difficult to keep my feelings in check during visits like this. Now that I had accepted how I felt, I needed to keep it under control. I just loved him so much now. Every minute of each day is spent thinking about him and how much I just want to see him. It was very difficult. Frodo makes it harder every time we're together for me to keep a level head and calm state of mind. I used to be so calm, so collected, as hard as a rock.

But now, everything was different.

"But Neera, I don't want to come between you and your sister," he said seriously.

I frowned. Frodo may be the thing dividing my sister and me, but Lin's behavior and actions are entirely her own. It wasn't Frodo's fault that my sister is being so cruel. She was just acting like a child who wasn't getting her way.

"My sister is the thing coming between us. Not you. It has nothing to do with you."

"Neera..." he began, but I wouldn't hear any of it. I wouldn't allow him to blame himself for what is between my sister and me.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes, placing both of my hands on his shoulders, so he would face me.

"I'm sorry, but it's too late for me to back out or ask me to leave you. I gave my oath, and I never break my paths. You're stuck with me, Frodo Baggins, like or not."

He was shocked at my words, but then he smiled that warm and beautiful smile and reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Then I'll have to accept it." He interlaced our fingers. "Happily."

After that, we went into our normal evening routine. I unlaced my boots and sat up in bed with him. We eased into a normal and ordinary conversation after that. This was one of the things I appreciated most about Frodo: how natural it was to be with him. I never had to force anything with him. I could just be myself, not the facade I had been using for myself my entire life to please my sister. He always made me smile, regardless of what it was. Our hands never separated in our entire effortless conversation. It felt good. It felt right. These visits were the best part of my day. Enduring my sister was worth it when it came to him.

I never had to pretend with him.

We weren't a hobbit or an elven princess during these meetings. We were just Frodo and Neera.

I reached to the side and grabbed the book we were reading together the previous night. I read very quickly, so this was the third book we had read together. It was the tale of how Rivendell was built. For some reason, Frodo was quite captivated with the story. He leaned against my arm as I began reading the passage where we left off. He comfortably settled in next to me and reacted in either laughter or gasps at what I read. Frodo was a very avid listener, which was very endearing.

But something was bothering me. Sam and I had secretly met that day and we talked about Frodo's condition. Frodo and I decided not to discuss it while we were together. As a result, I had to get information secretly from Sam as to how he was doing during the day. He told me that while Frodo had been objectively getting better each day, he had been hesitant to get up and walk. He needed to get up and walk eventually. It wasn't healthy for him to stay in bed all day, even if he was still getting his strength back. Sam requested that I speak to him about it. It wasn't like Frodo to give up and hesitate like that.

Clearly, that meant I had to intervene.

"Frodo, Sam told me you're not walking during the day. Why is that?"

Frodo winced at this and was silent for a while. I waited patiently. I knew he would talk eventually. I just needed to wait for him.

"I'm just unsure if I can. I've been bedridden for so long, I fear I've lost the ability to do so."

I smiled and gently wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"Frodo, you can't stay in this room forever and I know you don't want to either. Do you?"

Frodo remained silent. He didn't respond. I knew precisely that in this state he was quite vulnerable. That meant I had to push a little harder. He had to get up and walk or at least try to. He needed fresh air and needed to start recovering his body. I knew he was ready. I had to get him to believe he was.

"Do you?" I asked again, pressing harder.

Frodo sighed.

"No, I don't."

I smiled, squeezing him towards me in an act of sincere affection.

"Good. You'll go out tomorrow."

Frodo laughed gently.

"I will go out. On one condition."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You come with me."

I winced. I don't know if I can willingly promise that. This was already risky enough. I was lying to my sister and now Grandfather knew what I was doing. If he knew what I had been doing, then it's only a matter of time before Lin finds out. Even though I said before that I don't care if my sister finds out, now I find myself feeling incredibly terrified and vulnerable all over again.

But at the same time, Frodo would be able to walk again. I know he was more than capable. He was just currently battling a mental block. He was just scared that he wouldn't be able to do it. But he kept forgetting he was stronger and braver than he thought. He might not know it, but many warriors I knew back in Mirkwood would never dare to do what he has done. He just lacked some justified confidence in himself. He was capable of more than he naturally imagined. If my being there in the morning would be enough to give Frodo strength then...

"Alright."

I was making a huge mistake, but there was nothing I could do. I surrendered once again to the man who had my heart.

"Well, then it's settled." He then yawned and smiled. "I'm tired."

Then he leaned back on the luxurious bed and relaxed. He took my hand and tried pulling me towards him in an invitation.

"You want to go to sleep now?" I asked. "But you just woke up."

Frodo's mischevious smirk implied that he wasn't going to take no for an answer. I sighed. This seemingly innocent man had somehow figured out how difficult it was for me to say no to him. He was just using it towards his advantage. It was just simply uncalled for.

I couldn't say no to him.

We settled into our usual position. I was quite exhausted. I needed to sleep. Coming to see Frodo and spending my evenings with him were not doing miracles for my sleeping. But I didn't care. I didn't regret anything.

Frodo brought his hand up to my arm, touching it very tenderly. He caressed my arm very gently and sighed.

"You haven't been sleeping well since you've been coming here, have you?"

"I'm fine."

"Neera," he said sternly.

I carefully wrapped my arms around him tightly.

"You're worth it," I said back. "Trust me."

He smiled wistfully and sighed happily in my arms as I affectionately ran my fingers through his lustrous hair.

He fits so perfectly in my arms. It feels so natural for us to be like this. If you had told me a few months ago I would have been in this embrace with this man in his bed, I would never have believed it. As he instantly relaxed at my touch, I began closing my eyes. He was right. My sleeping had been suffering tremendously since I had been seeing him behind my sister's back. But even though I was exhausted, I still didn't regret it. Seeing him every evening brought me such radiant happiness. Somehow I fell deeper in love with him during each visit. Coming here was the only motivation I had to get through my tedious day with my sister and her rambling. This is where I need to be. Here in this room with him and his loving arms and warm smile and bright eyes. I could never hope to have him be mine or have him share my feelings. That's fine. I have willingly accepted that, but this was enough for me. Being here with him and loving him as much as I do is enough for now. Even though I dreamed and longed for a life that we could spend together, I pushed it out of my mind. I chose to give my attention to what was here in front of my eyes.

The man I love more than anything.

Middle Earth could last a thousand lifetimes and yet there will never be anyone who loves him as much as I do.

These pleasant evenings and the emotional separation have just confirmed in my mind that I just can't imagine a life without Frodo.

It's so obvious we both care for each other so deeply, more than anything. Our bond is unlike anything else I've ever experienced in my life. I will never again meet another person who I love and care for as much as him.

Why do we have to be parted?

And as he promised, Frodo was ready to go when I woke up. He was completely dressed and everything. I felt fiercely proud of him.

We eventually wandered outside his room for the first time together. Since Frodo had been confined to his room, this was the first time he was seeing Rivendell for all of its splendor. We met up with Sam and began walking around the areas together. I looked around constantly to see if Lin was nearby. Even though I promised Frodo that I would go with him, this was still incredibly risky. Lin could walk over here at any moment and find out the truth. But that thought left when I saw Frodo's happiness at being reunited with Merry and Pippin. His smile went wide, and he jumped and cheered at seeing them again.

I smiled. He was looking a lot stronger and better than he did before. I was happy, but I also felt quite sad. Now that he was healing, that meant that our time together was just getting shorter.

The day he would have to leave for the Shire would be coming soon.

But then Frodo looked towards a certain direction.
It was an elderly looking old man, looking down while he read a book.
It was Mr. Baggins, Frodo's uncle. Even though he looked older, looked frailer, he looked more alive and more real than I had ever seen him.
So this is what someone free of the Ring's influence looks like.

"Bilbo!" Frodo cried.

"Hello, Frodo my lad!" Mr. Baggins said fondly, smiling brightly as Frodo ran towards him.

"Bilbo!" Frodo said joyfully upon embracing his uncle.

Mr. Baggins didn't even say goodbye to Frodo, so this reunion must mean so much to both of them. In Mr. Baggins' previous state, it was perilous for him to be around Frodo. He was gradually falling under the influence of the Ring. But Mr. Baggins looked normal now. Although he looked old and walked with a cane, he looked more natural and ordinary than the last time I had perceived him. He was absolutely liberated of the influence of the Ring and no longer had to suffer because of it.

I knew I couldn't stay with him for very long, so as Frodo embraced and reunited with his uncle, I slipped away to give them some time alone.

After I had left Frodo to be reunited with his uncle, I began walking around Rivendell. I had been so preoccupied with other things that I never genuinely appreciated its beauty. It had been too long since I had seen it. When Lin and I were last here, we were only children. Innocent and pure children who knew nothing about the dangers of Middle Earth or the cruel fate that we had been forced to be a part of. It was more effortless to witness and appreciate the beauty of the world when one does not have such horrific thoughts on one's mind. I spent hours admiring its beauty and its splendor. I walked past the waterfall where Lin and I splashed around near. I found the benches where we used to sit and watch the stars. I walked past the room with all the lords of Rivendell before Lord Elrond. I found all of the hiding places I had used when I was a child playing hide and seek with Lady Arwen and Lin. Even though Lady Arwen should have had better things to do than play with two adolescent children, she never complained. She always was kind and compassionate to Lin and me.

I stumbled across an old balcony room on the second floor with wide-open windows and pillars. It was my secret place when I was a child. Whenever we played hide and seek, I would always come here when I was tired of Lin winning the game. Only I knew the entrance to this room. As a result, Lin nor Lady Arwen were capable of finding me. But the best part about this place was the view. The window gave the perfect view of the sunrise, and this was no different. I looked out from one of the pillars and looked out towards the sky. The light of the sun felt warm and bright. I was so relieved to feel this light back. I never wanted it away ever again.

But then this moment was cut short almost immediately.

I caught Sam out of the corner of my eye, and I ducked behind the nearest pillar on the terrace. Even though I was higher up than him, he still could have seen me. I decided to hide here until he went away.

"Now what have I forgotten?" Sam said.

It's as I feared. Sam was packing to go home. Even though I had hoped Frodo and the others would stay for a little longer, I knew eventually they would have to leave. I just didn't think they would have to go so soon. I briefly saw Sam and the others during the day. Even though I wasn't allowed to see them, Sam no longer looked at me in contempt. No doubt Frodo had confided in him about our evening meetings. Sam could never express many words to me because of my sister. But through his eyes and his body language, I knew he was showing his gratitude and respect. I think he also was a bit smug because he was right all along.

I had grown so fond of the three of them. They were so dear to me and I would miss them so much.

I didn't even want to think about it.

"Packed already?" a familiar voice asked coming up behind him.

Speak of the devil.

I hid behind the pillar again. I didn't want them to know I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

"No harm in being prepared," Sam maintained.

"I thought you wanted to see the elves, Sam," Frodo said.

"I do!" Sam insisted.

"More than anything," Frodo teased.

I smiled. Even in a situation like this, Frodo maintained his sense of humor.

"I did!" Sam defended. "It's just…we did what Gandalf wanted, didn't we? We got the Ring this far to Rivendell, and I thought, seeing as how you're on the mend, we'd be off soon. Off home."

As much as it pained me to hear these words, he was right. Since Frodo was finally walking and getting better, he would naturally be thinking of returning back home. He needed to go back home. Back to the life Grandfather and I had taken him away from. It needed to happen. He needed to go back home and be free of all of this forever. I envied them. They were able to go back home and abandon all of this. I know that as much as my sister will attempt, I could never forget any of this. I didn't know that when I left Mirkwood all those months ago that I would return a completely different person. I had changed so much, some good and some unfortunate. I wasn't even sure how I was supposed to go back to that life that I presently know that I hated. Even though it's the only place I had ever known, I don't want to go back. The place where Father and Lin are and where all of my family is. That's my proper home.

But Frodo doesn't exist there.

"You're right Sam. We did what we set out to do."

It sounded like it was difficult for him to say these words. There seemed to be a hidden sense of longing and sadness in his words. To any other person, it wouldn't have sounded strange. But to Sam and me, who knew him so well, knew better.

"Just one thing Mr. Frodo. What about Lady Neera?" Sam asked.

I flinched behind the pillar. Sam, you promised you wouldn't say a word about that! You said that that was our secret! You little liar!

"What about her, Sam?" Frodo asked. By his tone of voice, you could tell he was taken aback by the question.

Sam seemed to hesitate to ask the next question.

"Well does she... does she know?"

What does he mean do I know? What does that mean? What is he saying? Frodo and I always told each other everything. Due to the months that we were together, we knew everything there was to know about each other. Even though I was hiding this terrible secret from him, I couldn't think of anything else I could have hidden from him. He never hid anything from me. He said on the day we met that he felt as though he could tell me anything. I said I felt the same. Was there something he had been keeping from me? Something that he didn't want me to know?

"Know about what?" Frodo responded, acting as if he was dodging the question.

"Now, you listen here, Mr. Frodo," he said firmly but gently. "You can't fool me with this. You might get away with it with Merry and Pippin, but not me. As a matter of fact, they probably already know, too."

"About what, Sam? What are you talking about?" Frodo said.

But I, who knew him so well, knew he was avoiding answering the question. Why was he doing that? What was Sam getting at? It's not like Frodo returns my feelings. Why would he ever do that?

"How you rightly feel for her, Mr. Frodo."

What do you mean how he feels for me? He doesn't feel anything towards me but friendship. There's no doubt that our relationship has always been strong and that he cared about me very much. But that's all it was. He couldn't return my feelings.

"Please tell me the truth, Mr. Frodo. You can tell me anything, you know?"

The silence that followed was dreadful to experience.

Now I wanted to know his answer. I wanted to hear what he had to say. He didn't feel that way towards me.

Go on. Tell him, Frodo what we both already know. I know I was being immature and blind in these thoughts, but I had to maintain them. Knowing Frodo feeling opposite of me was the only thing keeping my composure and making me somewhat alright with him leaving. It would be easier to let go of him that way. I once again deluded myself into an idea to keep myself from falling apart all over again. Even though that was true, I was convinced this was the truth. There was no way Frodo would fall in love with someone like me. I'm an elf and he's a hobbit. He could have any girl he wants back at the Shire. Why on earth would he want me?

It was so easy to think that.

But then what he said next shattered all of my thoughts.

"Oh, Sam," Frodo said shakily in a sad tone of voice. "She can never know."

I froze. I can never know what? What is he talking about? Frodo, why do you sound so sad when you speak?

"Mr. Frodo," Sam said sympathetically. "You can't really mean that."

Frodo took in a deep breath before speaking again.

"If she were to know my feelings for her, it wouldn't be fair to her. I'm not a prince or a lord or even a warrior. I am unworthy of even asking her to be mine and for me to be hers."

What?

What did he just say? He didn't mean that. He couldn't have meant that. He didn't mean it like that. Don't begin hoping, Neera. Don't begin starting to hope he's going to say what you have secretly wanted him to say. That's not going to do either of you any good so stop thinking it. It's not what you think nor what you hope. Stop it.

STOP IT.

"But you do love her, don't you Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked insistently. "Don't you, Mr. Frodo?"

There was a long and painful silence. Frodo nor Sam spoke a word. Sam didn't even insist on Frodo responding to him. I could tell that Frodo was contemplating what to say. When it came to his deepest and most secret feelings, it took him a long time to get them out. I dreaded what he was about to say.

But after the long silence, there came the words I had been dreading and secretly praying to hear.

"Very much," was the only thing he said.

There was such pain, longing, and love in his voice.

I recognized that tone of voice. It was how I reacted when Lady Arwen asked me if I was in love with Frodo. It was extremely painful to admit such a thing with such hopelessness. But I couldn't deny it to her because it was true.

I lost my composure at that point.

No. It's untrue.

But why is he saying that?

He loved me. He really loved me.

He felt the same way I did?

For how long? When did he realize it?

"But someone like me isn't worthy to be at her side," he said in self-deprecation. "She deserves someone who can protect her, who can protect them, so she doesn't have to."

No.

"Now, Mr. Frodo, that isn't fair..." Sam began, but Frodo interrupted again.

That's not true.

"She's the Princess of her people. She doesn't need someone like me at her side."

You don't feel that way towards me. You're lying to him and yourself. There's no way you could feel that way towards me. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't react. I couldn't do anything.

"I may love her, but I can't be selfish and ask her to come with me."

Do you love me?

"Mr. Frodo..."

You love me?

"Loving her was the best thing that ever happened to me."

You're saying that you really love me?

"But she deserves better than me."

You're joking, right? No. You're lying.
"Mr. Frodo..."

This wasn't happening. He's only joking. He's not serious.

"You're right, Sam. We did what we set out to do. The Ring will be safe in Rivendell," Frodo said. And after a few moments, he spoke again, obvious pain and dread in his voice. "And so will she."

How could I have been so blind?

"But are you alright with that, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked in one last attempt.

I looked behind the pillar to see him. Sam's back was turned in my direction, but I could see Frodo. The look on his face and the sad smile he presented broke my heart. I recognized it. The look of heartbreak and sadness. I had to grit my teeth and cover my mouth to prevent myself from crying out to him.

"I am ready to go home," he said sadly. They started walking away. I quickly hid behind the pillar again to avoid them seeing me.

And after a few minutes, I could tell they were gone.

I slid down the pillar I was hiding behind to the ground. I sat in utter disbelief at what I had just heard. Did I just hear that correctly? No, no that's impossible. He had to have been joking, lying, anything. I don't know what, but I do know that he's being unserious. He doesn't feel that way about me. Why would he feel that way about someone like me? Someone like me who has nothing to offer him but a cursed and torturous existence. How could he ever feel that way about someone pathetic and shattered as me? He could have any girl he wanted back at the Shire. Based on the number of glares I received regularly from Hobbiton women, the reason they hated me now became clear. If what Frodo was saying was true, that would mean those women were jealous of our friendship. They hated me because they wanted to be in my position. That was why they were always hostile towards me. Ironic and idiotically brave of them to antagonize someone taller and more powerful than any of them. But then all of that means...

The world felt like it was spinning for a mere moment before I collected myself.

Someone like me isn't worthy to be at her side.

Am I dreaming? Does he speak true? Is he being serious?

Frodo just said he has feelings for me. He returns my feelings then? How? When? For how long?

Upon this realization, my original response was happiness, relief, reassurance. He does feel the same way. I felt so happy that I honestly started shaking. I started to smile and laugh. He loved me. He admitted that he loved me! The person I love returns my feelings! I couldn't believe it. Had I just not been able to see it? It must have been that. Frodo's gaze and behavior had been more loving and caring lately. Not that he wasn't always like that. I was always suspicious as to why he looked at me that way. But now I know. It was because he loved me. He had loved me all along and had clearly known it for a long time. He had clearly known it before I ever even considered how I felt for him. Oh, heaven and earth. I couldn't even contain myself. I never thought that he would ever feel that way about me but he admitted it to Sam. Sam is his best friend, so why would he lie?

He loves me and I love him! I felt such happiness I felt as though my heart would burst open. The first and only time I had ever fallen in love with someone and he loves me in return!

There was no time to waste.

I was about to get up and go run after him. I have to tell him that I love him too. He needs to know.

But then reality hit me like a bucket of ice water being thrown at me.

Then all of the reasons why I originally kept my distance from him came back all at once.

I am cursed.

I will die and cause him sorrow. Sorrow painful enough to kill himself over.

He said he couldn't be with me because he didn't feel worthy of me. He felt as though he wasn't sufficient enough to ask to be the one to be at my side.

No, Frodo.

You don't understand. I'm not the one who deserves better than you. You're the one who deserves so much better than me.

You don't understand.

All I want to do is protect you from this pain. I've hurt you and caused you enough suffering because of my mistakes. How can I possibly ask to share your life with you when I caused you to almost die?

If I were stronger, I would go to Frodo now. I would tell him he's not just imagining it, that I share his feelings. I would ask him if I could go back with him to the Shire. If he asked, I would go with him. If he asked, I would be his forever. It doesn't matter that I'm an immortal, and he's not. Like my father said to my mother, even if it's for a year or a month or even a day, I would want to be together with him.

To wake up in his arms every day.

To hold him in my arms while we watched the sunset.

To kiss him and whisper my feelings for him without any shame.

I would endure all of the anger and fury from my sister. It wouldn't matter.

A normal life. One without the curse. One where I could be with the one I love without any danger or shame.

I longed for such a life. A life with him.

But I can't do any of those things.

If I told Frodo the truth about me, he would come to despise me. No. I couldn't bear it if that happened. I would sooner hate myself more than I already do if it meant Frodo not feeling that way towards me.

I just love him so much.

It terrifies me.

It gives me happiness.

It makes me feel alive.

It tears me apart because I can't have it.

Regardless of my decision to see him and sneak out at night to be with him, it would still end the same way. I would have to go back to my life. A life that I now began to realize I utterly despised. I had gone to see him in an absolute vain. It was just going to make the parting from him near impossible. Lately, our feelings for each other had seemed more intimate and loving than our actions before. Now I realized it was because we were desperately wanting to touch one another and yet had to hold back. His gaze had been more gentle and loving. He was trying to hide the fact that he loved me because he knows he will have to separate. Even though we don't want to.

It will break our hearts.

I felt the tears running down my face as I smiled bitterly at these thoughts. There really wasn't another choice, was there?

He was never supposed to be here. He and I were never supposed to have met. I had to let him go. No matter how much we love each other, we can never be together. He deserves a normal, ordinary life. The life that I had taken him away from. He needs life without me in it.

Let me be damned then. Let my sister find out that I've been seeing him behind her back.

Let my sister scold me, insult me, say harsh and cruel things to me.

I don't care anymore. I made a new resolution.

If we are going to be apart, then I can't let a moment be wasted or taken for granted. Because if I do, it'll make saying goodbye to him that much harder than it already is. But when the day comes for him to leave, I will smile and be happy so he can leave me without any regrets.

Regardless of how we both feel, I owe him the only thing I can give him.

A life without me.

"His strength returns," Lord Elrond said.

Lin, Grandfather, Lord Elrond and I had been watching Frodo and Sam from a distance from his quarters.

"I want him back on the way to the Shire as soon as possible," I said, observing them walk away.

"That wound will never fully heal, he will carry it for the rest of his life," Grandfather said sadly.

"And yet to come so far, still bearing the Ring, the hobbit has shown extraordinary resilience to its evil," Lord Elrond said as he poured wine into a glass.

"It's something that he should never have had to endure. This is a world he should have never been brought into."

I begged at this point. It was disrespectful to speak so out of turn to Lord Elrond, but I was desperate. Frodo needed to be allowed to return home. Lord Elrond wanted him present at the council meeting and I kept demanding he be let go. Frodo had almost died for this Ring. He had almost been lost forever. Isn't that enough? He should never have been brought into this.

Lord Elrond seemed to be disregarding my requests, though.

"I never desired this for him. My Lord Elrond, you can ask no more of him."

"Gandalf!" Lord Elrond spoke gravely, rejecting my requests yet again. "The enemy is moving Sauron's forces are massing in the east, his eye is fixed on Rivendell ... and Saruman you tell me has betrayed us..."

Grandfather looked elsewhere in pain. Of course, Saruman's betrayal hurt him considerably more than he is willing to say. Grandfather was close to Saruman for many years. To witness him falling deep into darkness must have caused him pain. To experience a friend and ally betray you is something that is very painful. Grandfather had talked about Saruman with a tender fondness and respect for years.

I can only imagine how much it pained him to witness Saruman's destruction.

"Our list of allies grows thin!" Lord Elrond said in frustration.

"His treachery runs deeper than you know."

Lord Elrond frowned at this news. Grandfather and Lin were imprisoned and tortured by Saruman in an attempt to sway them towards Sauron as he did. But he should have known that Lin and Grandfather were not people to be tried with. Before their escape from Saruman, Grandfather and Lin were imprisoned at the highest point of the tower of Isengard. While they were imprisoned there, they had watched Saruman construct this horrific army of orcs and goblins. Creatures that can walk through sunlight and have an enormous thirst for blood.

Combined with Sauron's forces, they would be near impossible to defeat.

"By foul craft, Saruman has crossed orcs with goblin men, he is breeding an army in the caverns of Isengard. An army that can move in sunlight and gather great distance at speed. Saruman is coming for the Ring."

It is horrifying to think about how low Saruman has fallen. How could someone as good as him succumb to evil like this?

"Well, he's not going to get it," I said in determination. "Or Frodo. If we send Frodo back without the Ring..."

But Lord Elrond interrupted me.

"This evil cannot be concealed by the power of the elves. We do not have the strength to fight both Mordor and Isengard."

He is correct. As much as I hated to admit, he was correct. I know I cannot ask Lord Elrond to house the Ring here, but what else can I do? All I desire is for Frodo to be free of this. Whatever happens to the Ring shouldn't concern Frodo. He's been through too much. He practically almost died as a result of this journey. He doesn't deserve to be involved in this business further than he already has.

"Gandalf! The Ring cannot stay here. Something I believe you all know and understand."

I know this remark was directed at me. Grandfather and I reciprocated similar emotions. We both genuinely cared about Frodo's well being. This is a fate that we never wanted for him. When I initially met him, I envied the careless and innocent life that he possessed. That's his world, the world he belongs to far away from this life of treachery and war and betrayal. He doesn't need to be apart of this. He never needed to be apart of this. I merely want him to go back to that life. A life that was full of happiness and was carefree. Most days, he acted as if he didn't have a care in the world. That's why he constantly smiled and laughed so freely. He was just a righteous and innocent soul. The complete opposite of me in every way.

It's strange I would be drawn to someone so opposite of me. But that smile and that kind and innocent spirit are what I fell in love with.

These traits of Frodo are why I have to allow to go back to where he came from. I don't want him to lose himself again. He needs to go back home and forget about all of this.

"This peril belongs to all in Middle Earth they must decide now how to end."

I know Lord Elrond had summoned the lords of the land to decide on what to do with the Ring now that it had been found. I wondered who they would be sending from Mirkwood. I suppose if it was necessary, Lin and I could be the representatives. But I know that Lady Arwen had told me that they would be sending representatives from all over the land for this meeting. Elves, men, dwarves. I thought about how this might be one of the last times I ever see non-Mirkwood elves. They were all leaving to depart Middle Earth forever for the undying lands. As Mirkwood elves were of a different class, we would be unpermitted to leave Middle Earth.

"The time of the elves is over. My people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we're gone? The dwarves? They hide in their mountains seeking riches. They care nothing for the troubles of others."

Lord Elrond, as usual, was correct.

There were not many reliable people left to fight against Mordor and Isengard once Lord Elrond's people leave. Once Lord Elrond and his people were gone, the King would likely cause all of us Mirkwood to disappear from the memory of men and those left behind. Our class of Elf would never be permitted to leave Middle Earth. But the King, the father of my own, he would never willingly fight alongside men. He was too proud and heartless to do such a thing. If those left behind were looking for our kingdom to help, they would have to search elsewhere. The treachery that remains in Middle Earth would be near impossible to defeat. Who could we possibly look to when Lord Elrond and Lady Arwen leave?

"It is in men we must place our hope."

I almost burst out into hysterical laughter. Grandfather is not a fool by any means, and yet he makes such an outrageous and foolish statement like this. Had Grandfather forgotten entirely it was the actions of men that have caused three thousand years of darkness? Had he forgotten it's because of a man's actions that the Ring survived and kept quiet? Had he forgotten what it did to his daughter? What is it doing to Lin and me? Men are weak, spineless and foolish. I would rather be shamed than put my faith in such a disappointing race.

"Men! Men are weak."

We all began following Lord Elrond into his library.

"The race of men is failing. The blood of Numenor is all but spent, its pride and dignity forgotten. It is because of men the Ring survives."

I felt all of my pain and anger and despair boil up inside of me. I remembered the rage I felt at the one man responsible for Lin and my suffering. It wasn't just me suffering. It was Lin as well. The reason Lin was such a cold and calculating person was because of the curse of the Ring and Sauron. Before learning the truth, Lin was a kind and caring person. She got along well with everyone and tried to befriend many people. Yes, she was overprotective, but it wasn't in a way that was unbearable. It was in a normal sisterly way. But after we were told the truth, it was like she became a completely different person. She's suffering right now because of that knowledge. My sister was destroyed by the irresponsible actions of one man. Even if the Ring was destroyed, Lin would never be able to get those years back. She would never go back to the person she was.

And me? I would never be able to be happy. I had found my reason for living and I am unable to be with him.

"You're a fool, Grandfather," I said in anger, not facing him and started to leave the room.

"Neera?" Grandfather said in confusion.

I angrily started walking out of the room but turned around to stare down my Grandfather in anger. How could he say something like that? How can we put our faith within the race of men when they are the reason that the Ring survived? Isildur took and kept the Ring when he could have destroyed it. And thousands of his followers allowed him to do it. Isildur's treachery destroyed my grandmother. The men that she went to numb her pain of losing him took advantage of her fragile state of mind. And it's because of men and their inability to fight back against Sauron that we are in this position now.

It's just as Lord Elrond said.

Men are weak.

Men cannot be trusted.

"How can we put our faith in men, Grandfather? Are you that much of a fool?" I said in pain, tears beginning to show and run down my face."Putting our faith in men is the reason so many have died! The reason our family has suffered for three thousand years! Putting our faith in men is the reason I can never be with him."

"What?" Lin said in shock at my words.

But I ran out of the room away from her.

"Neera!" Lin shouted after me.

But I wouldn't listen. I ran away as far from Lord Elrond's quarters as I could. I stopped at a nearby bridge and angrily wiped away my tears in frustration. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. If Frodo saw me like this...

Oh, Frodo.

At Lord Elrond's words, I remembered all at once the despair and pain in my situation.

I remembered just how damned and horrific my future looked. I will never have that happiness of my mother and father. That's right. I had forced myself to try to forget, but it was all in vain. The future still looked incredibly dark and full of despair. After this council meeting, I would have to send him off with a smile on my face. The fact that we love each other doesn't matter. We can never be together. Asking him to be with me would be unfair. I was the one that didn't deserve someone as good as him. He deserved so much better than me. If I tell him the truth, if I tell him I love him, it wouldn't be fair to him.

That's right. I smiled bitterly. It was never meant to be.

I have to let him go.

But then I temporarily forgot all of that as I looked over the bridge. I saw people I had never seen before to come one by one through the gate. Men, dwarves, and even elves.

The first rider that came into view was a man riding on a brown horse. He had red and wild short hair and was heavily armed, most notably a large, round and brown shield adorning his back. He wore traditional armor and a long black cloak decorated with two silver clasps. He looked around lost and bewildered and very out of breath. He clearly had traveled a long way to come here.

Were these people here for the council?

Then came five elves on white horses. But I immediately drew my gaze to the one at the head of the group. The one leading the brigade was a man dressed in green and brown. His golden yellow hair like the sun, eyes like the sky, and a large quiver and bow on his back. He dismounted his horse, and the others followed his suit. He then looked around the area in absolute amazement.

I recognized this man.

A man who I knew all too well.

A man I hadn't seen in months.

A man I had missed more than words can possibly convey.

No. It couldn't be.

And yet it was.

"Father?"

That's it! I hope you enjoyed it!

Sorry, everyone. They couldn't be happy forever, now could they?

We will finally have the reunion between Neera and her beloved Father, which is going to lead to a lot of misunderstandings, spying, and jealousy! Oh my!

I'm sorry to have to write Neera like this with her bias against men, but to be honest, she's not a flawless person and I never wanted to portray her as such. Not to mention she has a very fair reason to have that point of view. It doesn't mean that she's correct, but it means she has a fair reason.

Thank you so much for your continued support of the Light in the Darkness!

Remember to review and leave your thoughts on the chapter! Remember, this story is for you so I want to hear what you think!

Until next time!

Kagomehater4ever