Chapter 3: Suffering
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A difficult relationship… true enough. Cosinga hated me deeply, and she even tried to replace me with her other children on multiple occasions.
The arrival of my brothers was difficult. It was not a pleasant period, since it was common to receive looks of contempt from my younger brothers, they saw me as an intruder.
Especially from Maree, who looked at me as competition for my parents' attention. Maree got all the attention. I only received contempt
My mother was the only person who made me feel loved. She was always there for me when the rest of my family rejected me. But at a certain point, it became difficult for us to stay close. Cosinga did everything he could to keep us apart.
Of course Maree liked to tease me about her existence whenever she could, the cute, innocent, spoiled child. Her mere presence made me sick. At that time I was vulnerable as a child, crying every time Maree hit me or purposely broke my toys, believing she had the right that everything of mine was hers too.
I felt miserable, like I was trapped. I cried as I slept night after night with nightmares I couldn't bear. He could never retaliate against him no matter how much he wanted to, without fear of being beaten and humiliated even more deeply. I never told anyone, not even my mother for fear of what would happen if she did. Sidious thought hatefully as he recalled the unpleasant moments of his childhood.
"People who sleep in the fetal position with their arms under the pillow have a great need for affection. The fetal position can be seen as a return to the past. Children, for example, hide in blankets because they are afraid"
Maree was in her room playing with her toys with a nice smile she was feeling happy at that moment her twin sister Nadmé entered her room with a plate of cookies and milk that her mother prepared for all her brothers.
"Brother, this is for you, our mother sent it to you," Nadmé said with a smile, giving her brother the tray of icing cookies with warm milk.
"They're just for me, is there nothing for Sheev?" Maree asked and Nadmé just smiled.
"You think I brought your cookies for that brat, of course it's not all for you" Nadmé said with a smile and Maree nodded with a smile as she ate. "But you know I listened…our brother Sheev plans to keep everything from you, our mother, and your cookies."
"I don't want to! I hate it! I hate that kid!" Maree said angrily, "My mom is only mine, no one will take away my parents' love from me."
In the kitchen Palpatine was happily eating the cookies and milk that his mother had prepared for him.
Until Maree came into the kitchen all upset and Palpatine saw him enter the kitchen.
"You can't touch my toys and I don't want to see you in me anymore… you understand, those are my cookies! You listened?! Nothing here is yours!" Maree shouted with an angry face.
Yes, I remember it well. Maree always tried to take away the things that belonged to me, and at that moment it was the cookies that my mother took the time to prepare for everyone, but especially they were for me. Sidious remembered as he growled again.
"Silly boy, get out of my house! "I don't want you here!" At that moment Maree sees the tray of cookies decorated with chocolate and sprinkles and a pot of milk. "You ate my cookies, silly boy!" Maree said angrily and she grabbed her brother by her hair, starting to hurt him. "Why did you drink my milk? I hate you!"
Yes, that idiot pulled my hair for my precious cookies and milk for no reason other than they weren't his… Sidious thought as he continued remembering.
At that moment Bremé enters the kitchen separating her children and Cosinga entered with her.
"Children, enough!" Bremé shouted as she grabbed Palpatine in her arms. "Maree, why were you hitting Sheev?"
"I don't want to have that brat in our house anymore, he wants to steal everything that is mine. "Dad, I want you to kick him out of the house!" Maree demanded with a sad face.
Cosinga looked with contempt at Sheev and picked up her son Maree leaving the room.
Maree was always trying to find an excuse to hit me. It was her way of making me look like the villain and make him look like the innocent one.
Maree hit Palpatine and he stood in shock and stared sadly as his cookies and milk were spilled on the floor. Palpatine stood behind his mother, shaking violently and crying uncontrollably from fear and tension.
At night the blankets that wrapped around his body were like a protective cocoon. In this way, the child was completely isolated from the outside world, because the silk sheets covered him from head to toe.
Isolated from the harsh daily reality of his represented by his family.
Quiet nights were rare for Sheev Palpatine. Between nightmares and insomnia, his sleep had always been too restless and too lacking in existence.
Curled in the fetal position under the pile of blankets, he could spend hours waiting for sleep to come or return.
Position considered regressive, as if he unconsciously tried to find his mother's arms. Bremé left very
Soon to take care of her eldest son and she entrusted him to the cold embrace of a droid nanny. The young girl no longer wanted to establish a bond with her firstborn, which could attract Cosinga's wrath… after this morning's incident with the cookies and milk.
I felt devastated. I felt absolutely destroyed. The only ray of light in her life was my mother, and when she walked away from me I felt completely alone. I just wanted to have her close to her, but I felt like she didn't have her with me anymore…
However, Sheev was able to witness The more normal relationships that his mother had established with her younger siblings.
Cosinga finally achieved what she always wanted: to lose my love for my mother. I desperately wanted to keep my mother close, but he made sure she wasn't there for me…
Isolated from the outside, locked in his bubble, demanding affection that would never come. And every morning, when his alarm went off, Palpatine was forced to leave his cocoon to face a world in which he struggled to find his place.
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Many children loved their birthday days, but that wasn't the case for me… That's right, I used to stay completely alone in my room on my birthday. Nobody cared about me. I just stood there, silent and alone, imagining what it felt like to be loved for even just a small, insignificant period of time.
Sheev was alone in his bedroom today he turned five but like everyone on his birthday he was alone and sad locked in his room. Unlike her brothers and sisters, Cosinga celebrated her birthday with a big celebration.
But there was something that Cosinga didn't know: every year her mother, secretly from her, gave her a medium cake of her favorite flavor and a beautiful gift from her.
Yes, I remember those days every year. It was one of the happiest moments of my childhood. I felt so loved, and so special, for the first time my mother made an effort to do something for me and only me. I have to admit, that was one of the best pies I've ever eaten.
When Palpatine finished eating the cake he left a slice of cake "My mom made me my favorite cake. But she left after trying it" the little boy said sadly but then let out a happy smile "I know I'm going to save this slice for my mom, we'll eat it together"
Palpatine was about to leave the room but Maree entered and saw Palpatine was wearing very nice new clothes. "Where did you get those clothes from? "Who brought it to you?" Maree asked curiously.
Then she saw the strawberry cake that Palpatine was carrying in his hands on a plate. "Is that a strawberry shortcake?" She asked excitedly and then tried to take the cake from her brother. "Give me that cake! It's mine! No one would bring anything to you!" Maree shouted as she tried to take the cake out of Palpatine's hands.
"No! "My mom gave me the cake for me!" Palpatine shouted as he struggled with Maree.
Maree became furious because she could not bear, not even for once, for Palpatine to receive any form of attention, affection or affection.
But suddenly Palpatine, in an impulsive act, slammed the cake into Maree's face. Then he was shocked by what he had done, it had not been intentional it was an accident.
Maree was furious and his face was dirty from the frosting and meringue on the cake. She wanted to lunge at Palpatine but Bremé stepped between them when she entered the room.
"You ruined my clothes! Stupid child! "I'll tell my dad everything!" Maree threatened and she ran out of the room.
Bremé approached her son and wiped her tears. "Don't worry, I'll bake you another cake, okay?" Palpatine just nodded and hugged his mother.
Cosinga's four youngest children had grown up learning to hate Palpatine.
Maree was waiting at the doors of the Convergencia mansion for her father who would soon arrive from a political meeting.
My father is going to kill you when he sees me like this, Maree thought with a happy and satisfied smile.
Then Cosinga's hovercraft arrived at Convergencia together with his guards. Seeing Maree waiting for him and with a dirty face along with the new clothes he had bought her, she asked him what happened "Maree… my child, what happened to you?" She asked.
"It was Sheev, dad. "He dirty me with a cake and ruined my clothes, he tried to hit me," Maree said with tears in her eyes.
Cosinga felt angry how dare that animal do that to one of his children "Damn brat, who does he think he is? That little boy is going to pay me… he'll see" said Cosinga as he went to Palpatine's bedroom along with Maree.
When Palpatine was sleeping in his bed, Cosinga abruptly entered along with Maree.
"Who do you think you are to treat my son like this!?" Cosinga demanded furiously.
"Yeah, who do you think you are?" Maree said next to her father.
Cosinga became furious, yelling at Palpatine for staining Maree's clothes, her precious, valuable and extremely expensive clothes.
"Maree attacked me first… I didn't do anything!" Palpatine defended himself but Cosinga just yelled at him.
Cosinga was simply full of fury, he wanted to do as much damage as possible to his eldest son for having stained his son Maree's clothes and for humiliating him. He didn't care that Palpatine took the damage, his anger was focused only on him.
"Be quiet! You only tell pure lies, creeping snake! Be quiet!" Cosinga shouted and Palpatine only felt the slap on his face that made him fall into the sheets.
He hit me without a single second of qualms. I couldn't do anything, I just stayed there alone. Crying through tears to my mother for help. Sidious said quietly remembering the words he had said that day.
"Mommy…mommy, come," said the little boy, crying because of the blow on his cheek.
Maree had retired for the night, leaving her father and brother alone. While Bremé had agreed to read a story to the four youngest, while Cosinga was hitting his eldest son.
Little Palpatine was just there, his eyes swollen with tears and his body covered in bruises. He could only wait for everything to end, sadness and despair were filling his entire soul.
My father just hit me again, and then again, and again. Desperation, fear of pain, sadness, all of it mixed in my mind until I simply fell into the darkness of fainting.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
That playground is a beautiful garden that Palpatine had contemplated so many times from the balcony of his childhood room. Among the flowers, fountains and statues wandered his four younger brothers, all laughing and dancing while his mother sat, watching, with a smile on her face. Her father, of course, was nowhere to be found. It was the eve of the day of life.
The house is not completely deserted, a child Lonely, ostracized by his family, he is still there.
Little Palpatine was leaning against the window of his balcony, reading and sometimes he watched from his window as his brothers and sisters played happily. He had his brow was furrowed and even then, at six years old, his pale blue eyes were filled with anger and resentment for her.
The useless abandonment of him…
It was already midnight everyone had to go to sleep to open their gifts, and Palpatine looked at the gift his mother left in his room.
Unable to bear his curiosity until the next morning, Palpatine decided to open his only gift. When he opened it he let out a cheerful and happy smile.
She had made a kind of silk robe for me. Specifically, she had made it using the silk of one of the prettiest pink rosettes of the Naboo butterflies. I had heard my mother mention that that butterfly's rosettes were beautiful. So, she must have made that robe for me. Admire that gift deeply.
It felt so important to see that my mother had worked all night on the robe for me with her own hands. I felt so happy, and so grateful. I think it was the gift I liked the most. Not for its monetary value. But, more than anything, for the emotion that my mother felt when making that tunic something special for me…
The little boy was excitedly about to try on the tunic but at that moment Maree enters her room with a serious face.
"That's mine," Maree said with a serious tone. "No one could have given you a gift like that, kid. I'm almost sure my mother was wrong," Maree gave a cocky smile. "You shouldn't touch gifts that aren't yours, Sheev," Maree scolded while He took the robe from the room.
Palpatine was so desperate… he wanted to have that robe more than anything else, just because his mother had made it personally for him. Maree just stared at it with a smug smile, and he just couldn't do anything. The boy sat in his room, alone, crying, wondering what he did to deserve all that hurt and sadness in his life.
The next day everyone was opening their gifts, the day of life had already arrived and everyone in Convergencia was celebrating as a family.
When Maree caught everyone's attention with the tunic on, her brothers and sisters thought that that tunic was very beautiful…
"Son, who gave you that gift?" Cosinga asked with a smile.
"It was my mom, she made this robe just for me" Maree responded with a selfish smile.
Bremé knew that was not true but she did not want to say anything for fear of Cosinga who only gave her a kiss on the cheek in gratitude.
Maree simply wore the robe, proudly, throughout the house, bragging to everyone about how much they loved him, how much they preferred him. And since it was her favorite, her special day of life garment. And little Palpatine just sat in the corner without presents. And his mother simply didn't say or demand anything.
That robe was the gift I valued most, and it was destroyed in front of my eyes just when Maree was going to show it off. His body was so small that it didn't fit properly into the robe, and he fell down the stairs, destroying it in the process. I was shedding tears…
"Maree!" Cosinga shouted worriedly, approaching her son who was crying.
"Father help me!! It hurts me!" Maree said in pain, she couldn't stand, her legs hurt.
"Can you get up my love?" Bremé asked worried.
"No mom, I can't, it hurts so much…" said Maree crying in pain as he was carried in Cosinga's arms to her room.
After two hours Palpatine sat in a corner in silence, looking at the torn robe lying on the floor. My mom kissed me on the head to comfort me. I just sat there, alone… staring at the pieces of the robe in silence, while all her other brother and her sisters were still playful, happy with her toys.
When he was this broken and vulnerable, he preferred to curl up into a ball and lick.
The wounds of him, alone. She didn't like showing his weakness. Alone, he would always be. He would never have any support from his own family. Weak, he promised himself that he would no longer be weaker and that one day he would face Cosinga and make him pay a hundred times more for everything she had done to him…