The Professor drove a practical car, a black Volkswagen Jetta. While she put her items in the trunk, Kristina settled in the passenger seat and touched the leather interior. She then rested her hand on the gear shift for a moment, gripping the handle that the Professor touched every day. The whole car smelled of the Professor. It was like Kristina was wrapped in her, surrounded by her, contained in her. Kristina inhaled deeply and a scintillating chill spread under her skin.
The driver door opened and Kristina watched the Professor get in. First, her leg - she wore a knee-length, pencil skirt - then the way she shimmied into her seat and fastened her seat belt. The Professor smiled at Kristina, who suddenly looked away as if she had been caught doing something that she shouldn't have been. Not just looking at the Professor; but looking at her like that.
In the small space between them, the car smelled liked the Professor more than ever and Kristina blushed. The Professor started the engine, pulled out of the parking spot, and Kristina relaxed into her seat.
After a silent minute or two, the Professor asked, "So what's on your mind?"
You! Kristina felt like screaming, but instead she said, "We covered a lot of themes so far like desire, the human condition, post-modernism, feminist theory, power dynamics. What's the midterm going to focus on ?"
The Professor took her eyes off the road to look at Kristina for a brief moment. It felt like an embarrassing eternity to Kristina because the expression on the Professor's face seemed to say, 'Are you kidding me?'
The Professor asked, "Are you sure this is how you want to use your time with me?"
Kristina's brain blipped to a blue screen. She had nothing.
"I mean," Kristina stammered. "It's, it's a lot of topics, we covered a lot of ground..."
"Yes, there are and yes we did." The Professor's tone turned impatient. "Look Kristina, if you're unsure - "
"So why do you do this?" Christina said abruptly cutting the Professor off.
"Excuse me?" The Professor was taken aback, not so much by Kristina's interruption, but by Kristina's irreverence.
"Teach. I mean, why do you…teach us? Why bother? We're such an aimless and self-absorbed generation. And you stand up there in every class forcing us to think about who we really are and what we believe. Don't you feel like it's a waste of your time?"
"I love what I do."
"You should be going around the country giving Ted Talks or something. Inspiring people who really want to apply their lives."
"Well, I do this because I believe in what you call an 'aimless, self-absorbed generation'. I see it differently."
The Professor paused to make a left. An oncoming car passed before she turned into the intersection.
"Awareness comes with challenges," the Professor continued. "My intention is to challenge my students and their understanding and unquestioned acceptance of the status quo. Deconstruct what they believe about themselves. Dismantle what they believe about their place in the world. Guide them to create new ideas so they won't be so complacent in their 'aimlessness' and 'self-absorption'.
"Like you wrote in your piece the other day, 'find a new normal' that they create for themselves instead of blindly accepting beliefs handed down by previous generations, traditions, parents, or what's expected of them. We're on Main, do I go left or right?"
Kristina had forgotten that there was a destination to this car ride. The Professor was driving her home. Time hadn't moved from the moment Kristina had gotten into the car until now. For all she knew, time had stopped and all Kristina was aware of was the present; her presence.
"Kristina?" the Professor asked. "I have to make a decision before the light changes."
"Uh, left," Kristina lied. Her place was on the right. She didn't want the ride to end.
"The exam," the Professor said into the turn, "will be based on how well each student processes the material we've covered - the passages, the quotes, the theories - in a way that's insightful about who they are as individuals. It should be a new awareness they bring to the table, to themselves, a new outlook they bring to the world."
"Two more lefts," Kristina said. "Then on the corner will be fine."
"I feel like I'm driving in circles," the Professor mumbled to herself, then continued to address Kristina. "What I'm saying is, there's no one right answer. I just don't want to see anything handed back to me verbatim. It's an open-book midterm, but this isn't a rote test. I won't accept that. From anyone. It's a test all right, but a test of what you're discovering yourself to be."
The Professor pulled up to the corner and idled her car.
"You see Kristina, I do this because I believe in possibility. I believe in you."
An overwhelming warmth spread through Kristina when the Professor caressed Kristina's hand that rested in her lap.
Kristina didn't dare pull her hand away.