TW: attempted suicide.

Ch 1 – Hourglass

The first thing he saw was a plain ceiling, the same ceiling he had looked at for the last 4,000 years. He blinked for a moment as he considered that the last thing that he had gazed upon was the starry sky. It brought to mind what he had just dreamt of...was it a dream? Or was he dreaming right now?

A searing pain blossomed within his neck, bringing him to the reality of things. Instinctively his hand moved to press along his neck, the sensation of something cloth like wrapped around it. He attempted to push himself up, finding that there was not a lot of strength within his body. His eyes felt dry and irritated and his mouth tasted of copper and iron. He tried to remember what he had been doing before this, but all he could remember was laying in the fields of flowers.

Yes, the fields of flowers.

He could recall now how he had been laid out in the flowers near Welgaia, staring at the sky as he ruminated over his past. With a grunt, the man pushed himself up to a sitting position on the bed before slowly placing his feet onto the ground. He stood and made his way towards the small mirror hung not too far away, his room sparse of any furniture. There stood before him a much younger man, auburn hair that blazed like a simmering sunset and wine eyes that tiredly looked back. His hand smoothed over his features, when was the last time he had seen this young of a face? Or this wound for that matter?

He took some time to think about it, but there had been a time when he had received such a grievous wound. A long time ago when he had thought he had lost everything. Although he came crawling back to his cage, the mere thought of living had become too much to bear and so he cut his own throat. The reason he lived was because someone unexpectedly had come to his rescue. Who somehow, as he thought about it, would have gained more from his death than from his living...

"Kratos?" a deafening clang as metal and ceramic crashed into the ground. Just as he was about to turn his head, that searing pain made him stop. He hissed as he fully turned his whole body to meet face to face with the blue haired half-elf he had just been thinking about. His face looked worn, more worn then usual, thin with heavy bags under his eyes.

"Yuan." the name is croaked out, as if it had been ages since he had last spoken and most likely his own vocal cords may have suffered from his ...fit. The half-elf quickly approaches him, grabbing him by the arms and physically attempting to move him back towards his bed.

"Lay back down, you're in no condition to be standing up." he states in a rough tone, ushering Kratos back to his bed. The man does as he told, wine hues transfixed upon the half-elf's features. Was it really Yuan? It had been so many years, he had almost forgotten his old friend's features. The crows feet at the corner of the man's eyes, how sharp his green eyes looked as they peered down at him like he was some bug except...they didn't hold that quality this time. Instead he could see the concern and mild panic in the other's expression.

Yuan pulls away once he's satisfied with Kratos' position on the bed and immediately sighs as he wipes a hand along his brow. "What am I going to do with you?"

It wasn't a question really directed at Kratos and it wasn't one that needed to be answered. All manner of thoughts popped into the ex-knight's mind. If what he remembered wasn't a dream, but was actually true, then he really did return back to the past. The question was, how far back? He knows as far as when he lost Anna and Lloyd, but how much time had passed between then and now? As Kratos ruminated over that, Yuan had wandered off towards his pile of glop and broken ware, muttering to himself.

"Well, I was going to bring you food, but clearly the floor was in more dire need than you somehow." came the sarcastic reply from the blue haired man, gesturing towards the mess. He signaled for Angels to come clean the mess (always resourceful and lazy as that man was), Kratos couldn't help but chuckle.

That afforded a look from the half-elf, who peered at him quizzically and cautiously, approaching with the utmost care. The closer Yuan came the more Kratos could sense the gears turning in the man's head, feeling like a specimen under a microscope.

"How are you feeling?" came the cautioned inquiry, affording a brow to rise from Kratos

"Liked I tried to kill myself." Kratos stated with dry sarcasm, affording narrowed eyes from Yuan. Another quick look up and down, before a "Huh" came from his lips. It seemed Yuan wasn't convinced of something and perhaps Kratos' behavior was different from usual. All Kratos could remember of this time was ...barely anything. A blur, barely alive.

"What day is it?" he questions, gaining another odd look from the half-elf.

"Month of Gnome, day 14 of the year 4392."

Then it's only been two weeks since he lost Lloyd. Two weeks. Kratos places a hand to his features, resting it within the palm as the realization begins to set it. There was no way that a three year old could survive in the forest alone for two weeks, but Kratos knew better. He had been found by the Dwarf Dirk, living with him all those years. Years he lost with his own son. He had a choice now, he could leave Lloyd as he is and let him raise up to the be boy that he had come to know or ...he could find Lloyd. But was that the right choice? Could Kratos even raise a boy up properly? He had no confidence back even when Anna had been around, being a father was not what he was ready for. Lloyd hadn't even meant to happen, and yet he did. Lloyd grew up to be such a sweet and kind boy, raising Lloyd himself, he could mess that all up. Ruin Lloyd just like he ruined M-

"Kratos!"

The shouting of his name and the jostle he felt at his arms pulled him into focus, raising his head ever so slightly to meet face to face with Yuan's own features. The look of concern was in his eyes again, he hadn't seen that in ages. It had mostly been disgust and pity, and yet here Yuan was, showing concern for him.

"You need to breath and relax. Can you do that, Kratos?" the tone of someone ready to take control of a situation, a general through and through, but somehow that gave Kratos some comfort. Something he was used to and so Kratos breathed. He hadn't even realize he had stopped breathing until Yuan mentioned it, but he could feel his lungs yearn for the oxygen in the air. He breathed in deeply, mimicking Yuan's own breathing who slowed it down for Kratos to catch up. Soon the panic in his chest began to ebb away, the pain lessening a degree.

"Thank you." he manages to breath out, affording a raised eyebrow from Yuan in return. The man says nothing but hums in return, acknowledging at least that Kratos had said something uncharacteristic ...again.

"I'll get you some food…" at that, Yuan turns and makes his way out the door. Kratos adjusted himself on his bed and laid down, looking up towards the ceiling as he felt the bandages on his neck. Why did the sisters send him here, to this point in time? Why not sooner, before Anna had died, or perhaps that's the reason why. They're not able to affect the dead, they said, but they can effect the living. Lloyd was still alive, but Kratos was still unsure on what path he wanted to take. His heart ached thinking of Anna and soon before long, his thoughts drifted away to slumber.