Rai leaned back against the solid trunk of the tree, ignoring the bark scraping uncomfortably against his exposed skin. In his hand, he held a small box - black, unassuming enough, but of exquisite make. He stared at it before letting his hands close over it again, tilting his head back, the pitch black sky visible briefly through the tree tops before his eyes closed.
Oh, come on, Akira's voice came impatiently in his mind. Why not just open it, already? I'm curious, too, you know.
Rai ignored him, suppressing the urge to shiver as a cutting breeze blew through the forest, making the trees rustle. He supposed he should have expected the Asgard region to be this windy, but that didn't make it any less irritating.
Seriously? You're going to get lost in thought now?
Ignoring Akira again, he cast his mind back to the events of the day - they'd investigated the city, learned of the supposed ritual to summon the summon spirit, and wound up facing the false summon spirit, just as they had in the game. Only then had the group finally learned that the true seal lay in the Balacruf Mausoleum.
He'd considered nudging them in the right direction to begin with, but they were already suspicious enough of him as it was. No need to add even more things to explain away. It was probably better this way anyway. It gave him time - time to figure out what he was going to change, and how.
Rai opened his eyes, looking back down at the box in his hands. He hadn't quite thought through everything when he'd asked Yuan to give it to him. Equipping it seemed the obvious move. But what would happen? Was...was his mother's spirit, or imprint...still within it?
He felt the muscles in his neck tighten as he forced himself not to look away from the box. He would have to evaluate the exsphere eventually. There was no reason to wait.
Tuning out whatever other unimportant thing Akira was now saying, Rai let his mana flow into the box. It warmed in his hand, and without preamble, clicked open.
The stone was surprisingly simple - round, pebble-sized. It was hard to make out its color in the dark, but it looked paler than Rai had expected. Carefully, but a little awkwardly, he picked it out of the box with his gantlet-covered hand, taking care not to make contact with the uncovered tips of his fingers.
I have a feeling I shouldn't let it touch me directly unless I'm ready to equip it, he thought in Akira's direction, interrupting whatever else his other self had been saying.
Probably, Akira admitted. You're the expert on all this magical stuff, though, brat.
Rai rolled his eyes. So helpful. He took a steadying breath. There was nothing for it, then. He'd unequip his current exsphere, and equip this one.
Wait, Akira broke in. Are we sure your regular key crest is going to be enough?
He hesitated, gazing at the object in his palm. It glimmered ever so slightly in the moonlight. We can't be certain. But as far as I know, it's only Cruxis Crystals that need any specific care in that realm - or in the case of rare side effects, like that condition Colette develops later. Even for Cruxis Crystals, the reason Colette gets all these side effects is supposed to be because she doesn't have a key crest, right?
The emotion Akira sent him could be best described as a shrug. We're sure this isn't a Crystal?
I… Rai kept his gaze fixed on the innocent-looking marble. I suppose we can't be sure. But Yuan didn't seem to think it was. He'd know, wouldn't he?
…Fair enough. Well, get on with it then, brat. We can't sit here hesitating all night.
He slid the exsphere back into the box, then grasped the gem already set into the back of his other hand. With a quick motion and a grimace, he tore it off. Sharp pain stabbed his hand a moment later, as his body caught up to the fact that some of his skin had just been ripped off.
Kind of gross how they grow into you like that, isn't it? Akira mused. Rai shook his hand, scowling. The pain abated into a dull throb, and he detached the key crest from his old exsphere. With it off, he suddenly felt weaker, his muscles heavier and his mana muted. Carefully, he slipped it into his pocket. It, too, was alive, after all. Then, after pausing to consider, he pulled his shirt off over his head.
Wait, are you…?
Not bothering to respond, he scooped up the new exsphere again and pressed it to the key crest. Then, slowly, he brought it towards his now-bare chest.
The moment it contacted him was familiar - the hot, searing feeling of the exsphere reacting to him, to his mana, and attaching itself to his skin. But then, inexplicably, suffocating grief, longing, and guilt filled him, like drowning in a dark pool, so deep that he couldn't see the light. Simultaneously, his mana seemed to flow out of him - out, into the ground, the air, the tree at his back - and it was as though his senses had expanded, like a deaf person regaining their hearing, or a blind person suddenly able to see. There was life, mana in everything - each tree with its own signature, power flooding through every blade of grass. Rai realized he was laughing wildly, even as inexplicable tears poured down his cheeks.
-ai! Rai, stop it! I may not know much about magic, but even I can tell if you keep doing this, you'll die!
The voice, which he belatedly realized was Akira's, was puzzling, and it was hard to pay attention to it, when there was so much else. His breathing came easier now, though the crushing pain in his chest was still there, but it barely bothered him, peripheral compared to the expanse that was the forest - a sea of energy, undulating, until Rai could hardly tell where his body ended and it began.
Rai! Snap out of it!
His vision blurred, and dimly, he tried to focus on Akira's words, on the alarm in them. It was true, his life force was indeed fading out of him - his limbs, once at his command, felt light and heavy all at once, and cold, with no movement left in them. But was that truly an issue? He wasn't just his body anymore - he was more.
Rai! There was something strange about Akira's voice, something he'd never heard before, and it made him pause, focus back on the words. Seriously - even if you don't care about losing yourself in this moment - think of the others. Lloyd? Genis? Raine? What would they say if you were gone? Come on, if you still want to be one with the universe later, you still can - just stop for now!
Lloyd. Suddenly he was back in his body for a moment, the swordsman's face flashing into his mind. What would Lloyd be thinking now, with Rai not having yet returned? Was he searching for him?
Yes, exactly, Akira said urgently. Lloyd. Come on, let's go find him.
Find him. To do that, Rai would have to stand up, and right now his legs…
He clamped down on his mana forcefully, with all the strength he could muster, and forced it to stop flooding out of his body, even as severing that connection hurt, felt like his spirit was being rent in two. And then, even though he was still dimly aware of the heightened mana in everything, it wasn't euphoric or ever-present - like it had retreated, and left Rai his body again.
For a moment, he just lay there, trembling. At some point during that, he must have slid to the ground, because he lay on his back, the leaves rough against his bare skin. The air was colder, the sky darker. …How long was I out?
I…I don't know either. Akira sounded exhausted now. A while, I think. I…I couldn't feel most of what you felt, but I felt some of it. Rai - what the hell did that exsphere do?
He exhaled shakily and managed to sit up, but it took longer than it should have. I'm not sure. Feelings flooded through me immediately - like a terrible sadness - I don't know if that had to do with my mother, and what she felt during its creation? He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. He needed to try to stand, needed to make his way back into town - if he didn't, there was no guarantee Lloyd or anyone else could find him. And then…it felt like something was back, something that was part of me - that had been torn away, long ago, that until now I hadn't known was gone. I've always been able to sense mana, but all of a sudden, it was everywhere - and so strong, stronger than I've ever felt. And… He struggled to articulate himself, not sure if Akira would understand. It wasn't just mana anymore. It was life. Feeling. Meaning. And it was all connected.
He finally managed to push himself up off the ground, staggering and stabilizing himself against the nearby tree, as Akira said, Wow. Well - maybe it has something to do with the experimental nature of the exsphere? The usual ones are awoken on humans, not elves, after all. And apparently this one fed off your mother while she was pregnant with you. Maybe it fed off your energy, too?
Maybe. Rai cast around briefly before finding his shirt and managing to pull it back on. It wouldn't do to return to Asgard shirtless, after all - or with an obviously new, special exsphere. His new expansion of sensation was still there - his awareness of the pulsating life energy around him unable to be ignored - but he was already getting used to it, like it had been there all along. We need to get back to town.
Lloyd reached the front gate of Asgard and stopped, his breath coming slightly heavy from how quickly he'd combed the village.
But if he wasn't in the village, where would Rai have gone this late at night?
His hands curled into fists as he scanned the forest beyond the entrance as though expecting to see Rai emerge from between the trees at any second. The details of the landscape were hard to make out, lit only by the dim light of the crescent moon. If Lloyd wanted to venture out there to look for him, he'd have to go back to the inn and grab his gear - as it was, he wore a simple black tank top and pants, all that was really needed for a casual walk around town.
Just as he'd decided to go back and grab his swords, he saw a figure stagger out of the woods and froze, watching. As the man got closer, walking with less purpose and vigor than Rai would, Lloyd realized it was Rai - his clothes covered in dust, his pale hair in disarray, and his eyes gleaming with exhaustion. He didn't appear to have his sword with him, but he had his gauntlet, and that whip he always kept at his hip now. Lloyd might be imagining it in the moonlight, but his face looked pale.
Lloyd raced forward to meet him, several paces past the entrance, and Rai paused, just looking at him. As Lloyd reached him, he swayed slightly. Though he righted himself immediately, Lloyd cursed and grabbed his arm anyway to steady him.
Multiple thoughts surfaced - Where were you, you idiot? Why didn't you tell me where you were going? What the hell happened? - but what came out, somewhat roughly, was, "Are you okay?"
Rai didn't shrug his hand away, which almost made Lloyd slacken his grip in shock, and his gaze when he looked at Lloyd was softer than he usually saw, but strangely knowing. "Thanks," he murmured. "For coming to look for me."
His angry follow up questions died in his throat. Rai hadn't answered the question, but…obviously he wasn't okay. "Of course, you idiot," he said tightly. "Let's get back inside first. And you're leaning on me whether you want to or not."
He waited a beat, but somehow, Rai didn't object at all, just leaned into Lloyd's support and started walking again, Lloyd automatically following. They made their way back to the inn in silence. Lloyd realized that Rai's shoulders were trembling slightly where he had gripped them, and he had to keep himself from tightening his hold on the half-elf in frustration. What the hell had happened? This level of exhaustion wasn't normal for just training. But it didn't look like he'd been in a fight with anyone else, either.
Finally, they reached the room where Lloyd and Rai had been staying. The others were housed elsewhere, which meant that for better or worse, nobody else was likely to be aware of Rai's foray into the forest. Lloyd expected Rai to crumple into bed immediately, but he hesitated at the edge of it, bracing a hand against the side, then made to tug his shirt off over his head. His fingers fumbled and he nearly fell again. Lloyd had had enough.
"You stubborn idiot," he said, immediately stabilizing him by the waist. "Tell me what you're trying to do. I'll help." He didn't wait for Rai to respond, grasping the hem of his shirt, but Rai's sudden hand on his wrist stopped him.
"Wait," the half-elf said weakly. "I - actually, I'll sleep with it on - "
Lloyd's eyebrows must be near his hairline. Rai, wanting to sleep in dusty, sweaty clothes? And why had he suddenly changed his mind? There was something more to this.
"Don't you want to at least change?" he pressed. "You're covered in dirt. I can grab a washcloth, too."
Rai's eyes closed for a moment, as though he was gathering himself. "Okay. Can you hand me a different shirt? I - I can change into it myself, I was just dizzy there for a moment. I'm better now."
This wasn't the time to pressure him. Lloyd grabbed one of his own clean black tank tops from his bags and handed it over to Rai. "Don't fall," he warned, and moved to the corner of the room where there was a bucket of clean bathing water and several clean washcloths. As he wet one, he couldn't help but glance back worriedly over his shoulder. Rai had turned his back and had finally managed to slip off his top. He seemed to be about to put on the tank top.
"Wait," Lloyd said, walking back over quickly. Rai's barely-there flinch didn't escape him, so he stayed standing behind the half-elf - he must have turned for a reason.
"Yes?" Rai turned his head to give Lloyd a sidelong glance, but kept his body facing away. The lines of his neck were tense. In answer, Lloyd put a hand on Rai's shoulder, and then when his friend didn't pull away, used the washcloth to clean the dirt of Rai's back, using careful, deliberate movements. But when he went to move to Rai's arms, the half-elf reached out, taking the cloth from him.
"Thanks, Lloyd." His voice was tired, but sincere. "I can take care of the rest on my own. Please."
He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. "Okay." Don't think you've heard the last of this, he thought, but didn't have the heart to interrogate his friend now. Not while he was…like this. "Get some rest," he said instead.
Soon after, Rai seemed to be deep in sleep, his breaths peaceful for once. Lloyd, however, lay there, staring at the black behind his closed eyelids. Sleep, as much as he would have welcomed it, refused to come.
Raine stared at her brother, concern, anger, and suspicion warring within her. Pale as he was, leaning against the headboard of the bed, there was a defiant glint in his green eyes as he looked back at her.
"Don't be mad at him, Professor," Lloyd implored from where he sat nearby, perched on the edge of his own bed. She turned in her chair enough to give him a withering look before directing her attention back to Rai. She still couldn't fully make sense of the relationship between the two, but she had something more important to deal with now.
That diagnostic spell she had just run…
"What happened exactly, Rai?" she asked, tightly controlled.
"I - went a bit too far testing a new technique," he said, exactly as she'd expected he would.
"And what technique was this?"
"I won't say more than that now." The statement was firm, like a matter of course. She stared him down, and he held her gaze.
"And you didn't tell us this last night…why?" She turned again to glance at Lloyd, gaze cutting.
"I didn't want him to say anything," Rai said calmly, directing attention back away from Lloyd. "I could tell I hadn't drained myself enough that I wasn't in any real danger. I hoped I'd recover enough by this morning."
It was reasonable, in a way, that was the trouble.
"You could have recovered more quickly with support earlier," she argued. "Waiting was reckless, Rai."
To this, he gave no response, but the resignation in his gaze was answer enough. She sighed. "Regardless, you aren't well enough to travel today."
Lloyd cut in again at that, and as she turned to look back at him she noted his fists were clenched where they rested on his thighs. "I can stay with him - "
"No," she said immediately, and then paused when she saw the look in his eyes. "I appreciate your concern, Lloyd, but strategically, it makes more sense for myself to stay. I'm more attuned to healing, and the group would feel your loss more from a battle standpoint. The trial at Balacruf is unlikely to be easy."
The young man seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, then glanced back at Rai, who met his gaze and nodded once. Lloyd sighed. "Okay. Thank you, Professor."
She stood from the chair. "I'll go let the others know that Rai and I will be staying," she said. "I'm sure Kratos will be able to guide you well enough. Though I am disappointed not to be able to see the ruins…" She sighed, then looked back at Rai, gaze sharpening. "But this is more important. I hope you take this time to think a little bit about your recklessness, young man."
Not waiting for him to respond, she turned and left the room. As she descended the stairs, she heard Lloyd murmur something to Rai, and not for the first time, wondered what it was that she was missing.
Genis sighed as he stubbed his toe on a root for what felt like the umpteenth time, and took a few staggering steps to regain his balance. Ahead of him, Colette seemed to be navigating the path with surprising grace, considering her often-clumsy nature. Lloyd, on the other hand, in lockstep beside him, looked distant, gaze fixed ahead, his usual excited chatter absent. Kratos, bringing up the rear, was silent as ever.
"So what did happen to Rai, anyway?" Genis asked Lloyd quietly. His friend sighed, shaking his head and massaging his temples.
"I don't know," he muttered. "He did something last night, and got back exhausted. But he didn't tell me anything."
"He didn't seem injured?" Genis pressed. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to his brother himself before they left - Raine had insisted that he would be fine, but that he needed to rest and not be bothered.
Lloyd shook his head. "Not specifically. I mean, his hand..." He trailed off, furrowing his brow.
"His hand?"
Lloyd seemed to think better of whatever he had been about to say. "No, he just seemed generally exhausted. Didn't look like he'd been attacked or robbed, either. I think what he told Raine - about going too far practicing some technique - is probably right. It's just, he wouldn't elaborate on what it was."
"So he had to stay behind because he nearly exhausted his mana in some way?" Genis guessed. Lloyd looked blank and Genis sighed.
"Maybe?" Lloyd said finally. "You know I can't sense it. But I guess that could be why he was so exhausted like that. He seemed mostly fine physically."
"...how much do you know about the things he's hiding, Lloyd?" Genis asked. "It's obvious he's not totally honest with any of us, but it seems like you two have been closer lately."
"Not a lot," Lloyd admitted. "And I also don't want to betray his trust by telling others things he's not ready to share yet."
"Of course," Genis said, and waited.
"He...I think he's had a difficult past," Lloyd added finally. "And he's still dealing with some of the issues from that, and maybe it's part of why he's...like he is. But other than that - I don't know what else he might be hiding. It feels like he knows a lot about...well, everything. I don't know how."
"He asked me some weird questions recently," Genis shared quietly. Colette and Kratos shouldn't be able to hear at this distance, as humans. He cast back in his mind to that moment, his eidetic memory finally coming in handy. "He said there was a lot he couldn't tell me yet, but that he was trying to find out more about the elves. And he asked, 'Why do the Desians exist? What is the point of their human ranches? How exactly does the Regeneration even fix anything?'"
Lloyd was quiet for a few beats, the only sound their footfalls in the dirt. Then, "I don't think I'm smart enough to understand the implications." He shook his head. "But...that idiot. It sounds like he's trying to fix everything on his own. Why not tell us? We're his friends." His voice had started to rise slightly, but quieted again at Genis's sharp look.
"He might be letting us in a bit," Genis pointed out. "He actually asked me to help dig up information on the elves. And honestly, even asking me those questions was...a lot. It tells me that he's questioning - " he softened his voice further. "The entire narrative. The Journey itself."
He could see the gears turning in Lloyd's mind as his friend struggled to understand this. "So..." He hesitated visibly. "He might think we're not doing the right thing? Or maybe there's more to everything than we know?"
"Maybe," Genis confirmed. "Despite whatever he's hiding, though, I think he's probably trying to do the right thing. Cold as he can be, I know deep down...he does care."
"Yeah, exactly." This time there was no hesitation in Lloyd's words. "You don't have to tell me that."
"Somehow, though," Genis continued, "it seems like he opens up more to you. I mean, not in terms of...revealing his plans, or knowledge, or whatever. But...emotionally." Some of his frustration bled into his voice.
Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I...maybe. I think maybe I kind of...made him."
Despite the vagueness of the statement, Genis felt like he understood anyway. He sighed. Lloyd, after all, was...Lloyd.
"Well," he said finally. "I say you keep doing whatever you're doing, Lloyd. And I'll see if I can get him to understand that I can be trusted. Starting with the elven stuff. And then maybe we'll get a clearer picture - of what he knows, what he's hiding, and why."
Lloyd grinned. "Yeah. ...Thanks, Genis."
Genis shook his head, not responding. There was what would have been a significant silence, only he tripped over another root. "Ow! Hey - shut up, Lloyd!"
The swordsman, laughing, grabbed his arm to steady him. "Hey, pay attention to where you're going."
He grumbled, but couldn't stay angry. At least Lloyd was back to himself. Maybe this seal wouldn't be as annoying as he'd thought.
Author Note: Thoughts about the nature of the exsphere?