MINJI

Everything began to move in slow motion, she could barely make sense of her own movements as she rummaged through her drawers for clothes to change into. Minji thought she could hear Jaehee's voice through the blur but she could barely make out the words. It wasn't important. She had to get out of here as quickly as possible.

"-ji…… -inji….. Minji!"

A large hand gripped at her forearm as she reached for the door handle, her face clouded over with confusion.

"Minji, can you not hear me? Let me go with you, it's late. I can't let you go there alone in the dark."

Oh, Jaehee. Right.

She simply nodded, unable to come up with the words. The cab ride to the hospital was like a dream, at one point she could maybe remember Jaehee holding her hand but it was difficult for anything to register as she sunk deeper into her racing thoughts. It was as if a thick fog had settled over the world, obscuring her senses as she walked through accompanied only by the fears that crept closer, threatening to swallow her whole.

It wasn't until she burst through the hospital room door and collapsed into her grandmother's arms that she allowed her emotions to spill out in heaving sobs.

"Oh my dear, I was so worried about you"

Her grandmother always smelled of coconut and vanilla. This was the scent of the thick lotion she'd applied meticulously each morning ever since she could remember. The scent enveloped her now as it had so many times before, momentarily easing her troubled thoughts. A pair of soft, wrinkled hands tilted her face up, wiping the tears away as her lower lip quivered with emotion.

"Grandma I'm so sorry I… I fell asleep and I didn't hear any of your calls and… I should have been here with you."

"Shhh, it's okay my dear, it's not your fault." Minji winced, a sense of shame already settling in a deep pit in her stomach. She pulled away from the embrace, finally gathering up the courage to take a look at the bundle lying on the hospital bed. Minji stepped over in silence, wiping away the remaining tears with the heel of her hand.

Her sister lay motionless, her body somehow appearing smaller than usual. As they had grown older she had begun to outpace Minji in height but for some reason she looked shrunken now, as if she had reverted to the little girl she'd once cared for. Green eyes scanned over her, taking in the multitude of tubes and wires attached to her frail body. Though she knew better, a bitter fear crept icily into her mind. Minji reached out a trembling hand to her sister's pale cheek, terrified that she would be cold to the touch. A sigh of relief rushed through her as she sensed the warmth of her soft skin against hers.

Minji turned to her grandmother "What happened?"

It wasn't anything crazy, maybe that's what made it all feel more surreal. Her sister had just been walking across the street on the way home from school when a distracted driver hit her. It was late afternoon, on a road she'd crossed dozens of times before. Though they weren't going fast, the crash had still done considerable damage. Cracked ribs, internal bleeding and possible brain damage. The doctors had induced a coma to stabilize her condition while they monitored her brain for signs of trauma.

Minji was curled up on the couch in the hospital room when a slight knock jarred her from deep thought. It took everything to pull her gaze away from her sister, as if her sight alone was what was keeping her alive.

"Minji, that very handsome boy you arrived with is still in the waiting room. Should I tell him to go home? I think he's been waiting for you."

"Oh… Jaehee"

"Jaehee is it?" her grandma repeated, a knowing grin on her face. "Maybe you should invite him for dinner when this is all over."

Minji sat up, ignoring the prying tone of her grandmother and headed to the waiting area. It was practically empty when she walked in, save for a few people. She spotted him immediately, forearms resting on his knees as he nervously wrung his hands together. He looked up as he sensed her presence, the bags under his eyes betraying his exhaustion despite the genuine smile he somehow managed to flash her. "Minji, how are you holding up, how's your sister?"

As he reached out to grab her hands, Minji flinched, retreating from him. His kindness was like a flame, his touch a sensation that her body instinctively rejected as if it physically pained her. Why does his kindness hurt me?

Jaehee's brows furrowed in confusion. "Is everything okay?"

She wanted nothing more than to throw herself in his arms, to weep on his broad shoulders and fall asleep to the rhythmic, steady beat of his heart. Minji swallowed hard as if with this action she could bury the emotions that plagued her. She folded her arm over her torso protectively, her hand mindlessly toying with her shirt sleeve.

"It's late. What are you still doing here?" Her tone was dry, each word drained of the emotions that clung to her like barnacles.

His gaze persisted on her, seemingly gauging her reaction. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm okay."

Despite her icy demeanor he pressed on, his voice soft and understanding. "That's good to hear. How is your sister?"

"She's in a tough state, but the doctors are confident in a full recovery now."

A huge sigh escaped his lips, his face muscles softening at the news. "Thank god, that's great news. You must be exhausted, have you eaten anything? I can go pick something up for you and your Grandmother."

"Are you planning on loitering around all night?" Minji winced, her tone coming off more scathing than she intended.

The edges of his mouth hardened, his dark eyes taking her in as a long uncomfortable silence hung between them. She shuffled awkwardly, doing her best to avoid his gaze. Suddenly, he rose, gathering his jacket under one arm in a calm but deliberate action. "I was planning on staying here to support you, but maybe this is not the right way to be supportive right now." He sighed and smiled again, taking a minute to gingerly tuck a loose strand behind her ear. Why are you being so understanding? Why are you so nice to me?

"Promise me you'll let me know if there's anything you need, ok?" Minji was hoping he would take her hints, but it seemed he wasn't going to let her go without a fight.

"I don't… think we should hang out anymore. Not in the way we did, anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Tonight was a mistake, I shouldn't have let myself get distracted. This thing between us…. It was fun, but my sister is my priority."

The smile on his face vanished, his hand dropping to his side defeatedly. She could see the dejection in his eyes, his brows furrowing as he wet his lips, deliberating the words to respond with next. "Is that what you think this was? Just some fun?"

"Well… you kinda have a reputation. Let's be serious, you're not exactly the boyfriend type." She willed herself to look at him, she was expecting rage, sadness perhaps, but instead he just scoffed at her, laughing incredulously.

"Jesus Minji, I knew what people at school were saying about me but I didn't think you thought it too." he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration "Do you know why we haven't slept together yet? Why I've been holding myself back?" She stared up at him wide eyed, her mouth gaping open as she searched for the words. Because you don't think I'm pretty? Because you don't have feelings for me? "Because–"

"Because I care about you." Minji's breath caught in her throat, a searing hot sensation flooding her face. She bit her lip, the flurry of emotions rising back up inside her mouth like bile.

"Jaehee, don't—" Don't make me depend on you…

"For the first time in my life I thought it might actually mean something to share that with somebody." Jaehee ran his hands through his hair, his voice quieting to a murmur. "I kept thinking that it could be different with you… But I guess I deserve it. Maybe this is karma."

She forced herself to raise her chin up in defiance. "Well then, I think we want different things."

"I don't think we do. I think you're too scared to let me in because if you do, I might get close enough to hurt you."

"I think you should leave now." Her eyes narrowed, the wall around her heart rising further in defense against him.

"Minji please, I know you're upset right now, I can't imagine what you're going through " He gathered her hands in his, his tone almost pleading. "But we can talk about this when things settle down."

She turned away from him, pulling her hands back resignedly "I have to go tend to my sister"

Another silence stretched on between them, the words unsaid somehow more painful to bear. Her heart pounded rapidly, begging her to go with him, but it was as if she was paralyzed. Every instinct in her body told her to flee, or hide, to keep reinforcing that wall she had built so carefully around her heart so many years ago. It was on the other side that he stood, staring only at her with a love in his eyes that filled her with indescribable fear.

"I know you're scared but I'm not going to let you scare me too. I'll be waiting for you, even if you act like you don't need me, I'll be here for you." he pushed something in her hands, mumbling brusquely before heading out "It's for your sister."

Minji blinked back tears and looked down at the flower bouquet through blurry vision. The plastic crinkled in her hands as she gripped the stems tighter, attempting to hold on to one last piece of him as she watched him walk away.