Pecking Order

Blitzo drove the I.M.P. van put of Imp City and headed for Stolas's Palace. Lincoln was prepping his gear and started giving the team a pep talk, "Okay everyone, I know you're all excited to go to Loo Loo Land, and I'm excited to finally meet the demon prince who made it so you guys were able to kill me!" Lincoln caught himself before he could shout anymore, "But I need us all to be professionals about this! Mr. Stolas is still a very important client!"

Blitzo giggled, "Pffft, oh fuck, are you really gonna call him Mr. Stolas the whole time, Boss?"

"Yes. Yes I am." Lincoln affirmed.

Blitzo snickered as he drove, "Okay, hey, you do you. I don't judge other's kinks."

Millie was bouncing in her seat, "This is gonna be so much fun! Oh! I can't wait!"

Moxxie raised his arm towards Lincoln, "Uh, boss, I think you should know that-"

Lincoln got out of his chair to glare at the imp, "Moxxie, I want you especially to not say a FUCKING THING to me! I need to keep my anger controlled at all times around Mr. Stolas!"

Moxxie sank in his chair, "...understood boss."

"The fuck did I just say?"

Soon enough, the I.M.P. van parked outside a closed gate with Stolas and Octavia standing together.

"Oh, also, I did tell Stolas about you being the boss, and I put in a good word, but I didn't say a lot so...make a good first impression Lincoln."

Lincoln straightened up his tie, "Yes, yes, thank you Blitzo."

Lincoln didn't notice Blitzo taking out his phone and recording video.

Lincoln opened the passenger side door and gave the owl man and his daughter a bright smile, "Hello there Mr. Stolas, hello there Miss Octavia, it is an honor to meet you two."

Stolas was taken aback a bit by Lincoln, "Oh...you're a Sinner?"

Octavia's eyes widened at the sight of the rabbit demon. She nearly dropped her phone.

Lincoln tried keeping his smile, "Um, I guess? Is that bad?"

Stolas gave an odd smile, "Oh, no, no, my dear boy, nothing wrong with being a sinner but you won't be able to accompany us to Loo Loo Land given you can't leave the Pride Ring."

Lincoln's face showed his confusion, "I'm sorry Mr. Stolas, what do you mean? What's a Pride Ring?"

Blitzo started laughing from the van, "Oh boy! I'm gonna use this to humble THE SHIT out of the boss forever!"

Stolas tapped his chin, then smiled, "Hold, one moment, I should do something."

"Oh, uh, okay?"

Stolas pointed at Lincoln with his talon, "If you're coming with us, I need to make it so you can traverse the Rings of Hell."

Lincoln cocked his head a bit, trying to make sense of what his client was saying, "Rings...plural? Mr. Stolas, what do you mean by-"

Moxxie yelled from the van, "Sir, this is what I was trying to-"

Lincoln dropped his pleasant tone and twisted his neck around, "Moxxie, zip it!"

Stolas gave a bit of a chuckle at Lincoln losing his cool, "Don't think about it, nobody bothers to explain how or why."

"How or why what?" Lincoln turned his neck back.

"Now, hold still a moment." Stolas took one talon and poked into Lincoln's throat. There was an odd glow for a moment. Stolas the removed his talon, "There! That should grant you full access!"

Moxxie and Millie were in awe, Blitzo stopped recording, looking a bit miffed. "Wow. Who honestly didn't see that coming? And here I am wanting what would've REALLY HAPPENED and to record the boss's face when told he won't be coming along."

The whole thing about Sinners and the Rings is too fucking vague.

Lincoln hesitantly started rubbing where Stolas injected his talon, "I feel...weird. Something's not right..."

Stolas patted him on the shoulder, "Don't you WORRY about it Mr. Lincoln! We are wasting enough daytime as it is! Come along Octavia!"

The three headed for the van, with Lincoln opening the door for them, Stolas giggling at the gesture as he got in. Octavia was quiet but kept almost unsettling eye contact with Lincoln before he got in himself.

"Okay, well, everybody ready? Let's go."

Go Watch HB S1E2: Loo Loo Land

Loona was reading a magazine when I.M.P. staggered into HQ with singed clothing. Smoke was coming from Lincoln's fur.

"So, how was the date?" Loona asked, filled with sarcasm.

Lincoln rolled his eyes, he pulled off his burnt tie and threw it in the trash, "Oh, it was fucking great! Our clients ditched us after Blitzo decided to fight some robot and set the place on fire!"

Loona nodded, "Cool."

"And I got scammed out of a lot of money!" Moxxie complained.

Loona shrugged, "Nobody cares, fatty."

Lincoln gave her a disappointed look, "Loona, we talked about this. No body shaming in the workplace!"

Loona groaned, "Yeah, sorry, forgot. Nobody cares, shit-for-brains."

Moxxie was not amused, "That sounds worse, sir."

"Shut up, Moxxie." Lincoln told him, he picked up the bottle from the office water cooler and poured it over himself, getting rid of the embers still in his fur.

Millie walked up to Lincoln, holding the toy she got, "Aw, why are you so glum boss? It was a fun day!"

"This day was my chance to get into the good graces of someone who would help make an eternity of damnation a little bit easier." Lincoln rebuked bitterly.

Blitzo groaned, "Oh don't be such a drama queen, Lincoln. Stolas liked you the moment he met you. Thankfully not in the creepy way he's obsessed with me."

Lincoln perked up a bit, "He did?"

"Fucking duh. Why else would he give you his blessing to come with us? Besides, I'd be more worried about his daughter if I were you."

Lincoln raised an eyebrow, "Octavia? Why? She barely said a word to me."

"She didn't have to. With the way she was staring at you the second she saw you, she either wanted to eat you or fuck you. Or both."

"...what?"

Blitzo took out his phone, "Yeah, plus according to her social media, she really enjoyed your company, boss. Way to bag a girl of high status."

Loona groaned, "Yeah, that junk is all over the Undernet now. You two being a couple is bigger gossip than the fact you were able to travel with them to Greed Ring."

Millie's eyes lit up, "Oooh I can just think of the names people will come up with! Octicoln, or maybe the real devious will whisper Lincavia!"

Lincoln slammed the water bottle from the water cooler on the floor, "No. Stop. I didn't agree to this! I barely know her!"

Blitzo clicked his tongue a few times, "It's not up to you, Lincoln. Accept that now, trust me, you'll thank me."

"Of course it's up to me! I'm not consenting to any weird, creepy things you guys are imagining!"

"Um...boss, you do know about the hierarchy in Hell, right?" Moxxie asked.

"Uh, no?"

"May I inform you?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, the denizens of Hell tend to be part of a hierarchy of power. At the bottom are the Hellborn beings such as myself, Millie, Blitzo, and Loona. Sinners such as yourself are a few ranks above us, but above you are more powerful sinners called overlords. The Ars Goetia which consists of Stolas and Octavia are further up the ranks, and at the top is Lucifer himself."

Lincoln rubbed his chin and processed this information, "Wait, does that mean I'm above Loona in the hierarchy?"

"Don't get any funny ideas, boss." Loona remarked.

"Like what? I barely have any thoughts about you."

Loona started to snarl at Lincoln and got right in front of him.

Lincoln started rubbing under Loona's chin.

"What are you...oooh...ooh..." Loona gave an odd smile then jumped back with panic all over her face, "AAH STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?"

Lincoln grinned at her, "Well, I had a pet dog. I did this to him whenever he got a bit angry."

Loona got a bit red under the fur, "I'm not a dog!"

"You're a hound, Loona." Blitzo pointed out.

"SHUT UP DA- er, FUCK YOU BOTH!" Loona yelled as she left the office, slamming the door on the way out.

Blitzo chucked a but then grinned at Lincoln, "...well, our point is that Octavia can do whatever she wants to you, really. She's that high up on the hierarchy. Just hope her parents don't decide you should get turned into stone or smite you or something."

Lincoln's grin flipped and he narrowed his eyes, "Well, you're awfully calm about it."

Blitzo shrugged, "If she eats ya, I get my place as boss back. If she fucks ya, well, then we'll both be owl fuckers. I hope it's the latter, owl fucker!" he laughed as he exited the office.

Lincoln sighed and took a seat in Loona's spot, he saw Millie and Moxxie still in the office. "Uh, you guys can go home now. Great job today."

"Um, boss, are you gonna be okay?" Moxxie asked.

Lincoln shook his head, "Like Blitzo said, it's not up to me."

"Honey... what Moxxie meant to ask is if you need us around to help should the need arise." Millie expressed with concern.

"I appreciate it, but I don't think it would really help much. Maybe nothing will even happen. I mean, why worry?"

Millie and Moxxie looked at each other and nodded, they started to walk out, "See you tomorrow boss."

Lincoln was still at the I.M.P. office, having turned the mostly unused storage closet into a makeshift bedroom. He was used to such an arrangement, having grown up in a linen closet.

He couldn't sleep. Though sleeping in Hell never really made him less tired anyway, it was one of the punishments Sinners like him had to get used to.

Lincoln laid in bed, suit off, no pajamas, no nothing. His new body's fur was already too warm for comfort in the already hot and moist air Hell had. He at least tried to get comfortable on the crappy mattress he and Millie found.

Rolling onto one side of his body, he noticed the closet door was open. It was closed a few minutes ago.

He sat up on the bed and saw Octavia perched at the foot of the bed.

Staring at him like he was her next meal.

"WHOA!" Lincoln yelled as he pulled his shotgun out from under the covers.

The firearm was pulled out of his hand by some unseen force, and it rapidly rusted in front of him until it turned into dust.

"Now that was rude. Do you pull a weapon on everyone you meet?" Octavia asked as she hovered her way to him.

Lincoln's fight or flight instinct told him option one failed and it was time for Plan B. He threw himself out of bed, and ran for the door which slammed in his face. The momentum caused him to crash through the frame and fall facefirst onto the floor of the office.

When he finally looked up, he saw Octavia towering over him. There was a hint of an amused smile that quickly went away the second he noticed it. Replacing it was a stern iron expression that was difficult to read.

Lincoln knew this was the end, he gulped down his anxieties and decided to at least go out with one last quip, "What are you gonna do, eat me or fuck me?" he asked.

Octavia's dress fell onto the floor in front of him, and she answered: "Both."

Lincoln felt weightless as his body was lifted off the floor. Nothing good could happen to him now, could it? As if in one last act of defiance, Lincoln had forcefully shut his eyes so he at least wouldn't witness what fate would befall him.

But what befell him was...not expected. He felt something soft and warm touching him in places best not mentioned. Though, the touch felt hesitant and awkward.

Lincoln had found his voice, and asked,"Do...do you know what you're-"

The touching stopped, "YES I DO, I JUST NEVER DID THIS BEFORE!" Octavia screeched.

A car alarm went off in the distance. Lincoln finally opened his eyes to see Octavia covering her mouth and sinking onto the floor.

A bit later, Octavia had her dress on again and Lincoln had put on his suit as he brought coffee into the meeting room.

"Argh, I feel so dumb. I came here wanting to do...things and I couldn't go through with it!"

Lincoln set a cup in front of her, and sat down on the other side of the table with his own, he took a sip before responding, "Yeah...uh, can you tell me why? I mean, I'm flattered and all but we just met today."

Octavia sighed and then she sipped bit, "I don't know. I got...too much shit on my mind. I just wanted to forget it all for even a little while."

"And, what, with me? I'm pretty sure you got lot of other, better-"

"Shut up, I don't. You looked good, and you behaved good. Seemed like a good option to me."

Lincoln paused a moment, "Am I really that good? I'm in Hell."

Octavia shrugged, "You didn't make a pass at me and treated me with respect the whole day."

The gears in Lincoln's head turned as it all came together, "...it's that bad here, huh?"

Octavia nodded, "Mhm...it's almost like you shouldn't even be here."

Lincoln sighed, "Yeah...but I'm here. Trying to make the most of it."

The two were quiet a bit, still sipping on their coffee.

"Are you uh, I mean, what are you gonna do now?" Lincoln asked.

Octavia opened up a small portal, showing her mother Stella screaming at Stolas, thankfully the portal had a mute feature, "I don't want to go home. My mom is still screaming at my dad. Neither of them have noticed I left. Doubt they'll find out until breakfast tomorrow..."

"Huh..." Lincoln was trying to find the right words, "Do you just, want to hang out here for the night?"

"Yeah..." the portal vanished and Octavia put her hands on her forehead, "...even though I've completely embarrassed myself."

"Uh...to be honest, I've never done anything...like that either." Lincoln admitted.

Octavia eyed him suspiciously, "Isn't Lust one of your-"

"I died a virgin."

"Oh...um...uh...cool?"

The two finished up their coffee.

Lincoln woke up feeling well rested, surprisingly enough. Octavia was curled up against him, still sleeping.

Lincoln sat up - carefully trying not to wake her - and rubbed his eyes. Still finding it hard to believe he was feeling less tired now. He looked over to the door he broke last night.

The rest of I.M.P. was staring at them, eyes wide, mouths agape.

Lincoln got out of bed, and stood up, "How long have you guys been here?" he asked.

Moxxie blinked a few times and fainted.

Millie looked away from him, "Uh, a few minutes boss, and uh, you're uh-"

Blitzo pointed at Lincoln's crotch, "Sweet fucking Christ Lincoln, none of us want to see THAT first thing in the morning!"

Loona was looking directly at Lincoln's unmentionables, panting a bit before slapping herself and quickly moving away from sight.

"Oh great fucking job, you scared Loona! Are you proud of yourself?"

Lincoln paused a moment and nodded.

Blitzo groaned and started to walk away, "Fine, I'm gonna go to my office and dump bleach into my eyes."

Millie picked up Moxxie and put him over her shoulder, "Do you uh, need the day off, boss?" she asked.

"Um, maybe? I need to get a new door."

Suddenly, the broken pieces of the door quickly formed themselves back in place. Lincoln turned around to see Octavia up.

"I gotta leave in a few minutes. Make them count."