The Truth Hurts

I.M.P. had just finished a simple job, and were heading for their evac zone when Blitzo decided to climb up onto a dumpster, making a lot of noise.

Blitzo shusshed the others, "Remember, we can't be-"

He was cut off short by Lincoln in his human disguise grabbing him by the neck which made a squeaky noise, "Damn it, Blitz, stop fucking around!" Lincoln hissed before throwing Blitzo to Millie who caught him.

Moxxie sighed, "He's always making the most noise."

Lincoln groaned, "Shut the fuck up, Moxxie, or you're cleaning the bathroom again."

At the evac point, Loona opened up the portal where Millie and Blitzo crossed over back to the office. Moxxie started to approach the portal too when Lincoln grabbed him and ducked onto the ground.

Someone shot a net at them, which they nearly dodged. Lincoln and Moxxie looked up to see a man in a suit and sunglasses getting ready to shoot another net with a net launcher. By the portal, a woman in a suit and sunglasses dropped down from a building with a rifle.

"LOONA, CLOSE IT!" Blitzo yelled.

"Wait, no!" Millie cried out as the portal shut.

Lincoln and Moxxie pulled out their handguns and tried to kill the two humans ambushing them. Before either could get a clean shot, the two were plugged with tranquilizer darts and zapped with a tazer.

The two suits slowly approached as Lincoln lost consciousness.

"Huh...so we got one demon and some guy?" one asked.

"Maybe he summoned them or something? Well, we'll find out soon."

Back at the office, Millie punched and clawed the wall where the portal was with tears in her eyes, "Shit! Shit, shit, shit, AH SHIT!"

Loona slowly approached, not holding the grimoire now, "You uh, you okay?"

Millie glared at her, "Why did you shut it? The boys are in trouble! Open it again!"

Loona crossed her arms, "Blitz was using zero euphemisms, innuendo, or swears, which meant it was serious."

Blitzo nodded, now holding the grimoire, "It was! Did you see those fuckers in the suits? They were dead set on catching us."

"B, open the FUCKING portal, NOW!" Millie yelled.

Blitzo put the grimoire behind his back, "Yeah...uh...about that...I was thinking maybe we uh... don't?"

Millie and Loona looked at Blitzo bewildered, then both responded, "What?"

Lincoln blinked as a bright light shined in his face. He groaned, "Lisa, I told you, no experiments right when I get up."

"Who's Lisa? Is she your mistress of darkness?" asked the suited female.

"No, you sick fuck! She's- wait." Lincoln realized he was being interrogated. He looked around to see he was in a small room tied to a chair. Moxxie was behind him tied to another chair and the suited male was in front of Moxxie.

"That's right, devil summoner, we caught you and your demon here!" said the suited man.

Lincoln puzzled over this tidbit, "Summoner? What...er, what gave that away?"

Moxxie turned his head, "Lincoln, what are you-"

"We've been OVER THIS, DEMON! You will address me as master!" Lincoln shouted.

"Your demon is poorly trained." the suited lady mocked.

Lincoln nodded, "I know, I'm still working on his loyalty."

Moxxie was thrown for a loop, but caught on that Lincoln was using the advanced deception technique of "lying" and so played along, "Maybe if you treated me better, I'd BE more loyal, 'master' Lincoln."

Lincoln grinned, "Are you saying I don't treat you good enough? I give you pay, I give you days off, heck I even worked out a nice benefits package for you and your mate."

"Hold on, so those other demons were yours too?" asked the suited lady.

Lincoln chuckled, "Uh, fucking duh? What, you think I only have this little guy? I got myself an ARMY of them, and if you know what's good for you, you'll let us go before they come looking for us..."

Millie followed Blitzo as he walked into his office, "Blitz, stop fucking around and open up a portal! We need to save our boss and my husband!"

Blitzo stuck the grimoire into his desk, "I ain't fucking around Millie. Lincoln wasn't supposed to even be here and now we are finally free of that rabbit-fuck! I can be the boss again!"

Millie took out one of her knives, there were daggers in her eyes, "Blitzo...you would let our boss and my Moxxie stranded or torn apart or worse on Earth?"

Keenie stuck her head into the office, "Wait, you left that big, psychopathic rabbit sinner on Earth? Can I leave then?" she asked.

Mille twisted her head and snarled at the sheep who quickly went back to work. Loona walked into the office in her stead.

Blitzo pulled out his revolver, "Put that away Millie. If you couldn't take out Striker, there's no way in Hell you can take me. Besides, it's two against one, right Loona?"

Without a word, Loona walked up to Blitzo and grabbed him by the neck, which once again made a squeaky noise, "Dad. You WILL open up a portal right the fuck NOW or I will tear out your eyes and take A SHIT in your vacant sockets!" she barked.

Blitzo gagged a bit and let go of the gun to pry himself loose enough to respond, "Loona, I love the threat, but you're never gonna get nasty with Lincoln! Not while he's hung-up on shit!"

Loona pulled Blitzo up to her face, "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Blitzo gave her a look of pity, "Loonie, I've been around the block enough times to know when a guy is holding back his urges. I don't know what his hangup is, but he's restraining himself 'round you for sure."

Loona's ears fell a bit on hearing that, "...what?"

Back in the interrogation room, the suits were tapping their feet and checking their watches. Lincoln and Moxxie were trying to keep their poker faces.

"Yup...anytime now..." Lincoln stammered, "Where in Hell are they..."

"Two, do you want to tell him?" asked the guy the suit.

"Oh, sure thing, One." the lady walked up to Lincoln, "It's obvious that you're lying to us."

Lincoln started to sweat a little, "Whaaaaat? Would I lie to you?"

Agent Two nodded and pointed at Moxxie, "We have video evidence that this demon is part of a group of demons you weren't spotted being around until some time after they had appeared among us during the past year."

Moxxie laughed, "You have video evidence of us? Thanks for letting us know that now we HAVE to kill you!"

Lincoln nodded, "Yeah, as the master of these lunatics, I'm pretty sure I can't just let people know we're running around on Earth. It's bad for business."

"Okay then, do it." Two told them.

"Do what?"

"You just said you were going to kill us."

Lincoln paused a moment, "Oh."

"Lincoln, can't you get out of these ropes?" Moxxie asked.

Lincoln furrowed his brow, "I've been trying for the past...I dunno, hour? It's too tight, and I can't uh...I can't do that thing for some reason."

"You're not getting out of that rope, it's made out of fibers harvested from sacred trees!" Agent One informed.

"...uh, and I guess that's keeping us from using our demonic powers to break out?" Lincoln asked.

Moxxie looked aside, "Well, it's a better explanation than nothing."

Agent Two scoffed, "How disappointing. Well One, it's clear these two are all talk and no action. They aren't saying anything we want to hear either."

Agent One nodded, "This has been a complete waste of time. Let's leave them alone and discuss how we'll dispose of them.

With that, the two suits exited the interrogation room.

Moxxie turned towards Lincoln, "I think they were lying about the disposal thing." he said.

Lincoln turned towards Moxxie, "No shit, Sherlock. If they were serious, they would've chopped us up by now or at least have the tools nearby." he responded.

Neither of them noticed the room was being filled with gas.

Moxxie grit his teeth, "Could you not give me attitude? It isn't helping us any!"

Lincoln sighed, "Sorry Moxxie, I'm just frustrated over the others not showing up yet. You don't think they abandoned us, do you?"

"My Millie would never-"

"It's not Millie I'm worried about. More Captain Owlfucker and his dog daughter."

"Wait, Blitz and Loona?"

"Who else? They're the ones who shut the portal the second we were in danger."

Moxxie looked down, "Yeah, I was wondering about that too. Honestly, with how Blitz didn't do or say anything when I shot between you and Stolas, I wondered if he wanted me to- uh oh."

"Wait, you took that shot? I thought you said that Striker jerk did that!"

"That...uh...why am I telling you what really happened?"

"Did you just want to shoot me again?"

"For fuck's sake, are you ever gonna let that go? Killing you was an accident! I'm pissed at myself for botching such a simple job!"

Lincoln didn't respond to that.

"Okay, and that I killed a kid, shit, how old were you anyway?"

"Sixteen..."

Moxxie looked back at Lincoln, "Really? I uh, I thought you were younger."

"Does it really matter?" Lincoln's eyes were welling up, "My dad had just given me the family van, I was barely learning to drive..."

"Lincoln?" Moxxie's voice carried concern and confusion, "Are you...are you crying?"

Lincoln sniffed a bit, "No...I...fuck it, I am..."

Moxxie looked away, and took a breath "I uh...wow. I don't think I've ever seen you cry."

"I try not to. It was an easy way for so many fucking monsters to find me in Hell...Christ, did I tell you about my first week?"

"No, you didn't-"

"It was horrible! Just...getting shot by you, I barely felt. Getting shot in Hell? Several times? For no reason? That hurt. I-I think I bawled for an hour or two before I shoved something in my mouth to muffle my crying to keep more Sinners from finding and attacking me just for being around 'their turf' or whatever. A few days of no sleep, not that it ever helped, and I started to go off the deep end. I found a passed out drunk holding a shotgun and I just took it from him, then I saw Blitz's commercial for I.M.P. and I...I just snapped!"

"Is that when you went on your imp-killing rampage?"

"I shot the first imp I saw, thinking it was you. You all kinda look the same."

"Hey!"

"Shit, sorry. I know now you all got different distinct looks and markings and stuff. I felt a rush after seeing the poor bastard with a hole through him...I felt stronger, even better a bit! It almost felt like one of those VR games I like. I was having fun as I was seeing red."

"Crumbs...reminds me of my first kill...it felt so good, so...euphoric..." Moxxie suddenly noticed the gas blowing in below them, "Lincoln! The humans are-"

Small waterfalls started to form beneath Lincoln's eyes, "Moxxie, do you think I LIKE being some psychotic violent killer? It's horrifying! What the fuck will my parents think? Oh God, I just want to go home!"

Moxxie turned back towards his boss, "Crumbs, Lincoln, calm down! You're falling apart! They want you to!"

Lincoln shook his head as he fell apart, the small waterfalls getting onto the rope, "I've been such a jerk to you Moxxie, and you don't deserve that! Even after I shot you and your wife you've been nothing but helpful!"

Moxxie sighed and hung his head, figuring he wasn't going to get through to Lincoln now, "Well...listen Lincoln. I really do want to make up for cutting your life extremely short and ending up in Hell. I know Millie and I could never replace your parents but...well, we do appreciate you a lot."

Lincoln started to take some breaths, "You, you do?"

"Yeah, you got a better handle for the management thing far better than Blitz ever did. You manage clients better...we probably got a lot more with them respecting another Sinner Demon more than an imp. Loona picks on me less because you don't let her shit all over me...all this in a few months."

Moxxie felt someone hugging him from behind. "Thanks Mox, I needed that." Lincoln told him.

Moxxie quickly looked up in alarm, "Uh, Lincoln, what happened to your ropes?"

Lincoln then realized he was free, "Eh? Oh, uh, I guess my crying loosened them? How about that?"

The two agents burst into the room, "SUBJECT IS LOOSE!" yelled Agent One, pulling out a gun.

"KILL IT!" yelled Agent Two, pulling out a katana.

Blitzo was tied up in a chair in the meeting room, struggling to get out, "Okay Mills, I'll admit, sacrificing Moxxie was a bad idea but-"

Millie pointed her battle axe at him, "The only BUT I want to know about is YOUR BUTT staying PUT in that chair!"

Blitzo turned towards Loona who now had the grimoire, "Loonie, would you really do this to your old man? Let some FREAK who paraded you around town take over my business? After all I've done for you?" he begged.

Loona tsked, "Blitz, making Lincoln the boss was your idea, remember?" she asked.

Blitzo glared at her as he tried jumping in his seat, "You know DAMN WELL I only did so to save my own skin! And maybe slightly possibly manipulate him into doing a lot of heavy lifting!"

Loona and Millie shook their heads and Loona opened a portal. Millie charged into the human world with her axe whike Loona simply stepped in with her human form. The two looked around, "Ugh, of course they're gone!" Millie complained.

Loona leaned down and sniffed the ground, "Their scents are still here, we haven't lost them yet." Loona stood up and her nose twitched as she sniffed the air, And also...smoke?"

Millie climbed onto Loona, "That's never good!"

Loona nodded and took off down the back alleys, following her nose.

Soon enough, the two found themselves at the scene of a large office building on fire. Inside, people were screaming. One guy ran outside while on fire and kept running past Loona, barely even registering her being there.

"Holy shit...they...wait, they came out of there?" Loona asked.

"Took you two long enough." from the shadows came Lincoln with Moxxie slowly behind.

"Moxxie!" Millie jumped off Loona and hugged her husband, giving him a big kiss on the cheek, "Thank fuck you're okay! What happened?"

Moxxie blushed, "Lincoln uh, he got emotional..."

"Emotional?" Loona asked.

Lincoln waved a hand, "Yeah, you don't gotta know. Let's just get the fuck out of here...where's Blitz?"

Millie sighed, "Well..."

Soon after that, another portal opened up in front of Blitzo and the rest of I.M.P. came into the meeting room and shut the portal.

"Ah! Lincoln! I knew you'd be okay!" Blitzo cheered as he put on his best fake smile.

Lincoln was frowning, he pointed to the door, "Could you all leave me and Blitzo alone, please?"

Moxxie, Millie, and Loona quickly left the room.

Blitzo dropped the smile, "Oh, and you used the 'O' with me like some jilted ex or a-"

Lincoln sighed and took a seat, he stretched as he shed his human disguise and turned back to his Sinner Demon form. Lincoln pulled out his Hellphone and started texting, "Blitzo stop. Just...stop. I'm not angry at you, just kinda disappointed. I thought we were getting along."

Right then, Blitzo just started to laugh, "Getting along? Us? The fuck are you smoking? And can I have some?"

"The only thing you smoke these days is owl dick, Blitzy." Lincoln told him without looking up.

Blitzo groaned, "Okay, what the fuck-"

Lincoln set the Hellphone down, "Blitz, here's how I understand things. I'm here, running your company, I can understand you aren't too happy about that. But if you wanted to be the boss of it again so much that you'd try to abandon Moxxie and I to humans in suits, then you should've had the gall to ask first."

"As if you'd say yes." Blitzo quipped.

Lincoln got up and approached Blitzo, "It hurts that you think that way. In all honesty, you're kind of the face of the company, and the main reason we're able to operate at all given how you're banging Mr. Stolas's brains out. I don't mind you being the CEO and I just keep running stuff in the background."

Blitzo's mouth hung open a bit, "...wait what? You're just going to let me be the boss?"

Lincoln patted Blitzo on the shoulder, "Yeah, why not? I'm not the one who has to keep fucking Mr. Stolas. Good luck." And with that, Lincoln left the meeting room.

Blitzo was left dumbstruck and still tied up. "...okay, why do I still have an ominous-"

Just then, another portal opened up and Stolas stepped into the room in a dominatrix outfit, "Oh Blitzy! You ARE all tied up for me!"

"Oh no."

Stolas grabbed the imp by the throat, making a squeaky noise yet again, "I just got Lincoln's texts! He told me you were VERY CURIOUS about us reversing roles! Ooooh, this is going to be so much fun!"

This has been the longest chapter for this thing because we are now going off the fuckin' rails. I figured now would be the best time to deviate from canon HB because I got some other plots in mind.