Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the collective works of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga
The Human Experience
It was hard to sleep when your vampire boyfriend was purring like a cat. If it wasn't so damn cute, Louisa might have actually been pissed off for being woken up. Jasper was curled up next to her, the top of his head tucked underneath her chin, his wavy hair tickling her nose. Every so often, he would nuzzle his face into her shoulder, his purrs growing louder when he did. She extracted a hand from her cocoon of blankets and carded her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. His head pressed against her hand and he tilted his neck back, watching her through lidded eyes.
"Good morning, kitten," she murmured, twisting a blond lock around her index finger.
Jasper slid over her body, forcing her to roll onto her back, and rested his chin on her sternum, never once taking his yellow eyes off her face. His arms looped around her body, cold hands finding a patch of exposed skin where her jumper had ridden up. A wave of contentment filled her in response, though she wasn't sure if it belonged to herself or Jasper.
Louisa wiggled around, sliding her legs out from under his body positioning them so he was laying between her knees. She rested a foot on his thigh and began to rub it up and down the back of his leg, resuming her ministrations to his scalp. As Jasper's eyelids fluttered closed an enormous desire to kiss him came over her.
"You're trying to distract me," Jasper accused, eyes still closed.
"Is it working?" she asked, using her free hand to trace along the planes of his face.
"I'm still rather cross with you, at the moment."
"So no?" she asked, dragging herself into a sitting position. Jasper gave a small growl of annoyance and held on tighter to her waist to keep her from moving too far, his face buried in her lap. Now that she was more awake, she could see that he was still in his torn clothes from the night before and she began to pick twigs and leaves out of his hair. His purring returned full force, sending tingles through her body, and Louisa half expected to see a tail flicking back and forth. She leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his head.
A laugh sounded from downstairs, breaking the quiet atmosphere.
"When did the others get back?" she asked, recognising Emmett's boisterous guffaw.
"About an hour ago," Jasper responded, his voice muffled. "Carlisle wants to check you over after you've eaten breakfast."
Louisa hummed in acknowledgement, though neither one of them felt inclined to move. She continued to run her fingers through his hair, her eyes drifting around the room, which was bathed in the pale morning light. She couldn't remember how she got to Jasper's bedroom, so he must have carried her up sometime after she had fallen asleep. The room didn't look all that different in the daylight, though she could see that the walls were painted a muted blue and the floor was covered in a thick white carpet. Several of the blankets that had rested at the foot had made their way onto the bed. Had it not been for Jasper's cooler body temperature, Louisa thought she would have died from heat stroke. Her gaze finally landed on the pictures next to his bed, focusing on the family portrait.
"Is that your human family?"
Jasper turned his head, resting it on her knee, and nodded. A long arm snaked out and picked up the hinged metal frame which he handed to her. She accepted it carefully, afraid that it might disintegrate in her hands. Up close, she could see that the image had a mirror-like quality to it: oddly raised, sort of like a hologram on a bank card instead of sitting on the surface like a normal photograph. The subjects of the picture were surprisingly sharp despite its obvious age.
"My parents and my sister," he explained, pointing out each person. "Ruby."
"I'm guessing your parents have a thing for gemstones?"
"My father was a jeweller," he replied, his mirth lacing the air. "I had a kid sister named Pearl, too."
"Why is she not in the picture?"
"Technically, she is," he said, tapping on his mother's image. "She was born a few months after this picture was taken."
That seemed oddly specific for him to remember, given how poor his human memories were. When she said as much, his eyebrows furrowed in contemplation. "Lou, do you know what this is?" he asked. When she shook her head, he chuckled and sat up, gently manoeuvring her so that her back was resting against his chest, her body caged in by his long legs. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss into her hair. "It's a post-mortem photograph. Ruby probably died the day before. I think there had been some sort of outbreak."
"Diphtheria," Louisa muttered, the answer springing to her lips before she even knew the thought had formed. "You almost died from it, too."
She could feel Jasper stiffen at her words, but he did little else that gave away his emotions. "Did I?" he asked, his hands massaging circles into her sides.
Reassured, Louisa nodded, her thumb stroking the ornate metal frame. "Your parents had a hard time getting someone to make this plate — the photographers were afraid of getting sick." Plate. That was an odd way to describe the heavy photograph, but she found it fitting. She kept her gaze trained on the image in front of her, though it was difficult to focus on it. Her vision began to fade in and out, ideas leaking into her mind that felt foreign. "You weren't allowed to hold this when you were a kid."
The picture was out of her hands and sitting on the table next to the bed before she had the chance to learn more. "That's enough for now," Jasper said, pushing on her shoulders so that she turned to face him. His lips were pursed and his shoulders tense. He wasn't angry at her, she could tell that much, but concerned. Perhaps even nervous.
"I'm sorry," she said. She should have guessed that he didn't want to share such personal information, much less have her say it out loud.
His eyes widened in surprise. "No, no, my love," he murmured, ducking his head to rub his nose against her throat. "I'm not upset with you. I should have realised that the picture would have triggered your gift. Your mind is still fragile from the events of last night and I am only concerned that this has brought you more discomfort."
"It's not fragile," she groused.
"So you didn't forget that you were sitting in Alice's room, instead of standing in the woods of Black Mountain, North Carolina?"
"Was that where it was? She never said."
Jasper's face was impassive but she felt his annoyance all the same. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Well, Mum occasionally debated selling me for scientific experiments. Perhaps that is something you could look into?"
"The idea does hold some degree of merit."
Louisa wrapped her arms around him and pulled his body closer, one of her hands finding the nape of his neck and playing with the hair there. Her fingers roamed over his skin, grazing over a raised patch of scar tissue. The thought brought back memories of what she had seen the night before in Alice's picture. Unwittingly, Louisa's hand slid down Jasper's arm, grasping his wrist and pulling it up to her face. He allowed it without resistance though he made his curiosity and confusion evident to her. She pushed back one of the torn sleeves of his jumper, exposing the skin of his forearm.
She had known that Jasper was covered in scars, of course. He had told her about them, but she rarely ever saw them for herself. Even sitting in front of him, her fingers ghosting across the skin, she could barely see them. But she knew they were there. She had seen them in Alice's memory, through the vampire's own high-resolution eyes. There had to have been hundreds —if not thousands— of them, crisscrossing across the surface of his marred skin and Louisa could only imagine how much obtaining them must have hurt. She bent forward and pressed a kiss to one of the marks on his wrist, letting her lips linger there for longer than what was strictly necessary. When she glanced up, he was watching her, his head tilted and his eyes darker than they had been seconds before.
Something began to fill the space between them, large and powerful, like a tsunami, yet gentle, like a lover's caress. It made her insides burn as if they were laying in the summer's sun and her skin tingle. The space between them felt as charged as a lightning storm, yet as peaceful as the eye of a hurricane and she wasn't afraid of it. She couldn't be. Despite the chaos, the feeling was controlled. Comforting. Safe. He was so close she could almost taste his sweet scent on her tongue and in that instant, she needed more of it. She tilted her head up, pressing her forehead against his, their noses brushing against each other's, the distance closing—
"Hey, lovebirds!" The spell was broken by Emmett, banging on the other side of the bedroom door, followed closely by a yelp of pain after what sounded like a slap upside the head.
Jasper closed his eyes and let out a sigh of annoyance, his body relaxing in defeat. When he opened them again, his eyes had returned to their customary light gold. "Come, let us spread the good news of your survival," he said, standing up and helping her off the bed. "Carlisle is chomping at the bit to give you his medical seal of approval."
Louisa allowed him to pull her into a standing position, bracing herself on his shoulders when blood rushed to her head. She pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw before extracting herself from is embrace and stepping away to where she had set her bag the previous evening, rifling through it until she found her the clothes she had packed. As she stepped towards the bath, she realised that Jasper hadn't moved and was watching her, a pensive expression on his face.
"You good?"
He inched towards her, his hands slipping under the hem of her hoodie to grip her waist. "This is mine?" he asked, thumbs pressing into her hip bones. When he felt confusion (or in Louisa's own words, 'weirded out') flood through her at his statement, he gently tugged on his jumper, which she still wore.
The tips of her ears turned pink when she realised that she had misinterpreted his words yet again. Perhaps he should ask Alice for advice on intonation?
"Yeah, Alice told me to wear it. Do you want it back?"
If Louisa wearing his hoodie made her smell like him, Jasper would gladly hand over every single one in his wardrobe. He'd have to thank his friend later. He hadn't realised how intoxicating Louisa would smell when she was covered in his scent and it made it hard for him to form logical thoughts. It took all his willpower not to… well, do something most ungentlemanly with her. Damn this magnificent creature. He shook his head and stepped around her so that he could access his wardrobe. "Just be prepared for the shit Emmett will inevitably throw."
"Who knew vampires were such gossips?"
"It passes the time."
Emmett did indeed give them a lot of flak. Though Louisa had showered and changed out of Jasper's jumper, the massive vampire could apparently still smell her boyfriend's scent all over her. "What exactly were you two up to last night?" he asked, eyebrows wiggling.
"Is there a reason you are so fascinated with our sex life, Emmett?" Jasper, who was sitting next to Louisa in the kitchen, countered without bothering to face the man in question.
Louisa was immensely thankful that Jasper had the ability to repress her embarrassment or else her cheeks would have turned scarlet at the comments. Instead, she turned to give Emmett an amused grin, laughing at his dumbfounded expression. "Yeah, Emmett, what the hell?"
He recovered quickly and tossed the closest object at her head. Jasper batted it out of the air with a lazy flick of his hand before sending a wave of lethargy at Emmett, bringing the brunet to his knees.
"Not in the house, boys," Esme said from her spot in front of the range.
Jasper let up on his brother with a smug look before turning to face Louisa once more. He picked up a strand of her hair and twirled it around his fingers, giving his adoptive mother a hum of understanding. "He started it though." He ducked a swat to the back of his head from Esme.
"I wasn't sure what to make you," Esme said, placing a plate of pancakes in front of her. "Jasper said you don't eat a lot of meat and I don't have many reasons to cook. You'll have to let me know if it's edible."
Louisa thanked the woman and picked up her fork, cutting the pancake. She lifted the food to her mouth only to pause with it halfway to her mouth. Esme was still standing on the other side of the counter, watching her. Louisa gave her an awkward half-smile and slowly ate it, made a hum of appreciation. Esme smiled brightly in return and continued to stare at the human, her eyes flicking back and forth between her and her newest son.
Jasper cleared his throat, breaking whatever trance Esme was stuck in. "Oh, right," she said before disappearing.
"Is she okay?" Louisa asked, knowing full well that Esme could hear her.
Jasper remained quiet for the briefest of seconds as he tested his mother's emotional state. "She's happy," was his simple reply.
Louisa was about to open her mouth and inform him that Esme seemed happier than normal when Edward appeared at the counter next to her. "We could hear Jasper purring upstairs," he explained. "Esme thinks it is adorable. Emmett thinks it's hilarious."
"I'm not adorable," Jasper said with a huff.
"Sure you are," Louisa replied before focusing on the redhead in front of her.
"Vampires sometimes purr when they are happy," Edward said before she got the chance to ask the question. "None of us really purr, so it was entertaining when we heard him."
"The Cullens are domesticated," Jasper drawled. "You might get a hiss or a growl out of them occasionally, but they are about as wild as a house cat."
"House cats can purr," Edward said. "So your analogy is dumb."
"Bless your heart," Jasper replied.
"Well," Louisa said before their light-hearted argument got out of hand. "That's a shame. I thought it was quite pleasant."
Jasper chuckled and bent forward to kiss the side of her neck before resuming his fiddling with her hair. She continued to chat with the youngest Cullen boy for the rest of her meal and Jasper remained mostly silent throughout the conversation, tossing in a comment on occasion. When she was finished, Esme appeared and stole her plate before she had the chance to stand up and was washing it by the time Louisa realised what was going on. She turned to face Edward, only to jump in surprise when she saw that he had been replaced with Carlisle. She heard Edward snicker from somewhere close by and she lamented her inability to give him a rude hand gesture.
Carlisle had a penlight in his hand and waved it in front of her face, instructing her to track it with her eyes. "Did you sleep well?"
"Oh I bet she did," Emmett called out from the next room.
A collective sigh of annoyance went through the kitchen.
"Don't worry, Louisa," Alice said, flitting by. "He'll get over it soon."
"How soon are we talking here?" Louisa asked while Carlisle began to feel around her head.
Alice's eyes glazed over for the briefest of seconds. "Two years, maybe? Until Bella comes. She blushes a lot. It's most amusing."
"Who's Bella?" Edward asked, reappearing in the kitchen, head tilting. "Why are you hiding your thoughts from me?"
Alice cackled in delight and dashed out the back door, Edward hot on her heels.
Carlisle rolled his eyes at his children's antics. "Did you have any dreams? Jasper mentioned that you've had dreams related to your psychometry." When Louisa shook her head, he smiled and sat back. "Perhaps we can experiment with your gift later if you would be willing. I'd like to see if we can test some of its limits."
Louisa nodded. "Let me call my dad first and see when he wants me home."
"You're not going back there, Louisa," Jasper cut in.
"I kind of have to," she replied, turning to face him. "I live there."
A series of emotions ran through her so quickly that she was barely able to identify them: annoyance, frustration, worry, terror, desperation. She reached forward to place a hand on his cheek in an effort to calm him down. His brow was furrowed and she could feel his jaw twitching beneath her palm.
"Your house is currently a crime scene," he pointed out. "You can hardly stay there."
"Not at the moment," Louisa agreed. "Dad and Dot are staying at a motel in town, but it shouldn't take too long for the house to be returned to us."
"You're not going back," he repeated. If it weren't for his obvious terror that she could feel speeding through her veins, she would have been pissed at him for being a control freak and trying to tell her what to do.
"That's not for you to decide," Rosalie interjected. Louisa tore her eyes away from her boyfriend and shifted her body towards the tall blonde, whose hip was resting against on the edge of the breakfast bar, arms folded across her body. "What is she going to say, Jasper? 'My boyfriend won't let me return?' I bet that will go over well."
"Some pervert has been watching her for God knows how long," Jasper snapped. "If—"
"You too," for some reason, Louisa's mouth thought it would be a brilliant decision to blurt this factoid out, and when all of the eyes in the room focused on her, she felt compelled to continue on with the thought. "You've been in my room every night for weeks now. There's no way he hasn't seen you too." The vampires froze at this, tension spreading through the room the moment the words left her mouth.
"Jasper, I need you to think very carefully," Carlisle said. "Have you done anything that might have exposed us?"
"Besides not sleeping at night?" Jasper asked. "No." He didn't add in that it was because he knew doing things too "vampire-y" freaked Louisa out.
"I painted to walls of the house," Emmett said, appearing next to his wife. "Before the Collins's moved in. When Esme was renovating it. I helped with the electrical and the painting. Depending on how long the cameras have been in place, he might have seen me moving too quickly."
"No," Esme replied. "We would have come across at least one of the cameras when we replaced the fire alarm in the kitchen."
"I ran up the stairs yesterday," Rosalie said. "That could have been seen."
"Yeah, but the intruder had just left the house," Louisa pointed out. "He wouldn't have been able to watch it."
"You're assuming that the cameras are live feeds," Rosalie said. "He could have been recording the footage."
Louisa realised that she had started shaking her head during Rosalie's reply. "He's not," she whispered, more to herself than as an answer. "That's not what the cameras are for." Her eyelids fluttered shut and she pulled up a mental image of her room, trying to remember how it looked when she had arrived the previous afternoon. She could easily picture how the bed had been flipped over, how loose-leaf paper covered the floor, how her clothes had been strewn across the room. But something was missing. She needed to see the crime scene again. It would make sense then, she was sure of it.
A cold hand on her wrist interrupted her inner musings, the pad of his thumb massaging the pulse point there. She opened her eyes only to find that Jasper had slid off his chair and was standing so close that she could feel every time he inhaled. She leaned forward and rested her forehead on his chest. She took a shuddering breath, a feeling of dizziness overcoming her, and tried to focus on Jasper's arms as they snaked around her shoulders, holding her tightly to his body. Edward and Alice arrived and joined in on the conversation, the former asking the latter to search for debacle's the outcome.
"It's hard to tell," Alice said. "I don't know who I am looking for."
"Try looking at our future," Edward suggested. "If he decides to say something, it would impact us, right?"
"That's assuming he will say anything," Alice pointed out.
"Why wouldn't he?"
"He won't," Louisa replied. "Even if he did see anything, who would he tell? And what would he tell them? That the son of the town's surgeon is an insomniac?"
"Even if he did see Rose and Emmett moving too fast, he could easily explain it away as a camera glitch," Carlisle agreed. "Vampires isn't the first thing logical explanation, at least to a person possessing a sound mind. I would be accused of giving my children steroids before the townspeople would assume that we are members of the undead." The silence that filled the room was calmer this time, the family accepting Carlisle's words, if somewhat grudgingly in Jasper's case. Louisa lifted her arms and wrapped them around Jasper's waist, her fingers weaving through the belt loops of his jeans, and listened to the air moving through his lungs.
The atmosphere was broken by Louisa's mobile ringing. Most of the Cullens disappeared in the blink of an eye, taking the call as a sign of conclusion of their impromptu family meeting. Louisa pulled far enough away from Jasper to dig her mobile out of her pocket, not needing to glance at the screen to know who was calling her.
"Hey, Dad," Louisa said, pressing her phone to her ear while she leaned back against her boyfriend's chest. She listened to her father ramble on about living arrangements for the upcoming days, making humming sounds when necessary. Apparently, Chief Swan said that the house would be clear for them to return to by the end of the week. When her father started to tell her that they would be staying at a motel in town in the interim, Esme appeared in front of her, her hand out. Confused, Louisa slowly lowered the device into her palm, and watched with fascination when Esme proceeded to convince her father, who was quite possibly one of the most stubborn people in the world, to allow her to stay at the Cullen's residence.
"No, they got back early," Esme said, mobile pressed between her cheek and her shoulder while she flitted around the kitchen, pulling out cookbook after cookbook, an excited grin on her face. "Jasper caught the flu."
"Yeah, the Lou Flu," Emmett said from the next room.
Louisa rolled her eyes and buried her face into Jasper's chest again. "You're impossible, Emmett Cullen."
"He's not wrong," Jasper replied, giving her hair a gentle tug. His amusement washed over her when she groaned. "Does this mean I don't have to attend school tomorrow?"
"If Jasper isn't going, I'm not either," Rosalie yelled from somewhere else in the house.
Carlisle sighed when the rest of his children began to chime in, claiming illness. "No, Alice, you don't have smallpox. People don't get that anymore. And everyone but Jasper is going to school tomorrow. Go finish your homework or something," he said before disappearing himself, undoubtedly somewhere his children couldn't bother him.
"You're staying in the spare bedroom," Esme said, returning Louisa's mobile to her.
Louisa was ninety-nine per cent certain that the Cullens did not have a spare bedroom and that this was code for Jasper's room. She nodded and accepted the device, pressing it to her ear.
"I don't think I need to remind you that you're already grounded for a month, but if I hear that you've caused Mrs and Dr Cullen any sort of problems, you won't be leaving the house until you are twenty."
"Understood. Am I allowed to get more clothes from the house?"
"Mrs Cullen said that you already had some there," was his confused reply.
Louisa opened her mouth to respond when Alice breeze by, giving her a pleasant grin and tapping the side of her nose. "Oh, right. Sorry, I'm still a little tired."
After finishing up with her father, Louisa spent the rest of the day at the dining room table, finishing up the schoolwork she had been procrastinating on over the holiday, all the while ignoring the Cullens who seemed hell-bent on distracting her (namely Emmett). Jasper spent the entire day within five feet of her, which might have been endearing under normal circumstances, but it began to lose its charm when Louisa found herself explaining to him for the third time why he didn't need to follow her into the bathroom.
"Jasper," Louisa sighed in exasperation, placing a change of clothes that Alice had provided on the toilet seat before turning to face her boyfriend. "You really don't need to follow me. I doubt that even I could find anything perilous whilst I'm taking a shower."
He stood unnaturally still in the doorway but otherwise said nothing, looking very much like a kicked puppy. The only clue that he hadn't turned into a statue was the fingers on his right hand, which tapped against his thigh in a pattern that Louisa couldn't decipher. She didn't even need to feel the discomfort that he was emoting to know something was wrong: seeing such an expression on his usually stoic face gave her pause. Jasper wasn't one to show anything that he perceived as a weakness, so to see him look so vulnerable immediately set off alarm bells in her head.
Louisa stepped forward and placed a hand on his chest, giving him a gentle shove. They both knew that she wasn't strong enough to do so, but Jasper was enough of a gentleman to let her push him back towards the bed. It was a testament to how upset he was that he didn't even make a raunchy joke at her actions. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down to the bed with him, settling her on his lap before dipping his head down to bury his face in the crook of her neck.
"Talk to me, Jazz," Louisa murmured, her arms snaking around his neck, pulling him closer. "What's wrong?"
Worry was the main emotion that he shared with her and Louisa felt her heart began to accelerate in her chest as her body adjusted to his influence. Frustration, helplessness, and confliction wove through like an undercurrent to his worry, so potent that tears began to prick at her eyes. Then, as soon as it had started, it ended. His face was still tucked into her neck so she was unable to see his expression but she could feel his jaw moving as he ground his teeth, which told her more than she needed to know about his emotional state.
"How can I help you, Jazz?" she asked, massaging the curls at the nape of his neck.
Frustration ripped through her again, this time coloured by confusion.
"Do you not want me to help you?" she asked, hoping she interpreted his response correctly. She wanted to tell him to use his words but knew that her request wouldn't be received well: Jasper was reluctant to speak when he was happy. Well, at least she could never say her boyfriend was emotionally unavailable. "Or do you not know what you want?"
More frustration, accompanied by a huff. Of course, he knew what he wanted. He also knew he wasn't going to get it.
"Why aren't you going to get what you want?"
Jasper's head finally snapped up, his amber eyes wide. Confusion and curiosity flashed through her before he finally settled on understanding. He reached up to unwind Louisa's arms from his neck and held them at her sides. "We need to work on controlling your power," he said finally. "It can't be healthy for you to be reading my thoughts when you touch me."
"Carlisle said that they're based on how charged a memory or thought was," Louisa replied. "It's not my fault that you're a walking emotional battery."
Despite the tension in his body, a small smile flitted across his face and he leaned forward to press a swift kiss to her jaw. Louisa tried to use his momentary distraction to wiggle her arms free from his grip but his annoyingly strong vampire strength once again proved to be recalcitrant. Jasper noticed her struggles and shifted so his back was against the headboard and Louisa was resting between his legs. She waited in silence for her boyfriend to find his words, massaging the taut muscles in his arms in the hope of helping him relax.
"I want to take you and run," he said finally, his body still tense behind her.
Louisa had no doubt that Jasper would try to make good on that statement— hell, he had attempted to the previous night, before his family stopped him. She was certain that his inability to do so was part of the reason behind his frustration. "Where?" she asked, curious more than anything else.
"Somewhere secluded," he replied. Absently, he raised a hand and began to stroke her hair, his eyes glazed over and gaze distant. "The Rocky Mountains would be ideal. Somewhere there is a lot of wildlife and few humans."
"That sounds lonely," Louisa pointed out. She wasn't sure where he was planning on taking the conversation but she felt like she was missing something,
Jasper shook his head. "Vampires don't crave human interaction— we tend to be solitary creatures. The Cullens are unique in this regard." Why did it matter if Jasper didn't need anybody but her? She was a human and still would need some social outlet other than her boyfriend or else she would go insane. Or try to kill him. Whichever came first, in all honesty.
"I know you are a strong person, I don't want to imply that you need constant protection or rescuing," he continued, oblivious to her confusion. "But humans are so fragile."
"Oh," she whispered, the final pieces clicking into place. "You want to change me." She had known that Jasper planned to turn her into a vampire, of course. He had said as much when she first found out what he was.
He had given her the option of remaining human, of course, but she turned down the offer. Why wouldn't she have? It was easy to agree to something that didn't seem possible. Vampirism had been like a fantasy plucked straight out the pages of a novel, rather than something that was real and would happen to her; but wrapped in Jasper's embrace, watching the shadows creep across the room as the sun outside set, the momentous thing she had agreed to two months ago started to seep into her brain. And now, staring her inevitable transformation in the proverbial face, she realised that she didn't know much about what being a vampire entailed— something she realised scared the hell out of her.
"Yes," Jasper replied. "And I understand that now is not the right time— it would only cause suspicion for our family, I get that, but what if you get hurt and I can't help you in time?"
Louisa's first reaction was to tell him, 'that's how life works.' She wanted to say that life rarely went how you planned it, that it was unpredictable, and that sometimes bad things happened. But that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He didn't need her to reiterate them, because he knew how fast things could go to hell in a handbasket.
She shifted around, craning her neck so that she could see his face, and reached up to stroke his jaw. He leaned into her touch, his face set in a frown. "I trust you," she murmured finally. It wasn't comforting words or false platitudes that he desired. He wanted someone to listen to his worries, not ease them. "How can I help you?"
He lips were pressed together, his mouth flattened into a thin line, but the tension in the corners of his eyes lessened, if only minutely. "We need to figure out some sort of plan," he replied. "Some sort of timeline."
"Okay," she said, sitting up and turning so that she was facing him. "Short term, I'm going to have to return home." When he opened his mouth to protest, ploughed on, shaking her head. "It is unavoidable, Jazz. I will have to return."
He shared his displeasure with her at this but nodded nonetheless. "But you can't be alone. One of us should stay with you."
That was fine with her. She had no desire to be alone in that house. "I want to go to college," she said.
"As a human?"
"That would be preferable," she replied. "But I understand that you don't want to wait for that long."
"A lot could happen to you in five years," he conceded, running his fingers up and down her ribs.
"What if I attended after my change? How different would it be as a vampire?"
"Well, aside from your inability to do keg stands at frat parties—"
"Sounds like a deal breaker, then."
"—the bloodlust would cause a substantial amount of discomfort. Even after your newborn period, being around humans is difficult. It might be years before you have sufficient control over your thirst to pursue a degree, at least at a physical college."
"Which means I won't be able to see my family during that time," Louisa surmised.
Jasper took a deep breath and pulled her closer, tilting her head up so that he could look her in the eyes. "You must understand, love, that after you are a vampire, you will look different. Those that are closest to you will notice that something is wrong with you. Even if you are able to control your bloodlust, it would still be inadvisable to have much contact with them, especially in person."
"Wrong how?"
"Your facial features will change," he murmured, extending a hand to caress her face. "They'll be symmetrical. Your skin will be paler from lack of blood and will harden due to the venom that replaces it. Your voice will be smoother, your scent will be sweeter. Everything will be changed about you to turn you into the perfect predator for your prey."
"Humans."
Jasper nodded. "I'll make sure that you drink off animals, so your eyes will be gold, but yes. Vampires are meant to drink from humans. And even though they don't know what we are, they can sense something is different about us. We make them nervous and they tend to keep their distance."
"That's why Dottie usually leaves the room when Rosalie is over," Louisa guessed.
"Your sister is extraordinarily perceptive to us," Jasper explained. "We've theorised she has some sort of psychic abilities. Those things tend to run in families. Unless she's changed, she'll most likely never be able to access them. It's a bit of a mystery about how you can access yours as a human. But we digress."
"So what I'm hearing is that I'll need to cut off all contact with my family," Louisa said. The thought was horrifying to her. How could she choose to walk away from them? Yes, they had their disagreements, but they loved each other. Furthermore, how could she cut contact with Dad and Dottie, when they had already lost Laurie and Mum? She knew first-hand the pain that they went through. How could she willingly choose to inflict even more of it upon them?
But that was the heart of the matter, wasn't it? She already had chosen. Two months ago, without even understanding what she was choosing. And the most horrifying part of the whole situation was, that, if she could to go back in time, sitting in the passenger seat of the Prius speeding towards Forks, she would still make the same decision. If she had to choose all over again, choose between remaining with her family and being with her boyfriend of two months, she would, without hesitation, choose Jasper. It didn't make any logical sense, she knew that. But the idea of leaving him made her heart contract and the air leave her lungs.
"For the first year or so, you won't be able to see them in person," Jasper said, sensing her rising panic. "After that, it would be safer for them and yourself if you were to keep a distance from them. But in this day and age, it is easier to remain in contact."
"They'll notice that I don't age," Louisa managed to choke out. "I won't age, will I? You're almost two-hundred and don't look a day over twenty."
"There are ways around that, darling."
"There isn't a way around watching them die."
Silence filled the space between them and Jasper watched as she folded in on herself, looking tiny and fragile. He couldn't remember much of his human family, something he realised was a blessing in disguise. His change had been sudden, unplanned. There was no agonising realisation that his impending transformation would mean he would never see his family again.
"I'm so sorry, my love," he whispered, gathering her into his arms. He might not feel the same emotional attachments as she did, but he was around them enough to understand that, to a human, there was no replacement for family. Yes, she might be with him for the rest of their existence, but humans couldn't fathom the notion. Their time on this earth was limited, coloured by the people they interacted with, lived with, and loved. The idea that a single creature, their mate, could bring them total contentment was not only foreign but beyond comprehension.
Jasper could feel her turmoil swirling about her like a tornado ready to touch down. But there was also some sort of spark in her, a fighting spirit that kept her moving forward. He could feel her muscles stiffening and she pulled away, her shoulders squaring despite the load that rested upon them. There was a hard, determined set to her eyes like she was ready to charge Hell with a bucket of ice water. She was stronger than he gave her credit for, though, he shouldn't be so surprised. It was impossible to remain unchanged after all that she had been through. Or maybe the can-do, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps sort of attitude had always been a part of her.
Either way, he knew that she would move mountains to get what she wanted, and whether she needed him or not, he would be right there, moving them with her.
"When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… to be alive is to be vulnerable." –Madeleine L'Engle
A/N: thank you so, so much to my wonderful new beta reader! Also, thank you for reading my story thus far and being patient with me for my sporadic updates. Thank you to everyone who had followed my story and thank you to all who have taken the time out of their day to leave me a comment. I promise I do read every single one and I treasure them all :)