There is some violence in this chapter that some might find disturbing. Reader discretion is advised.
Chapter 36: Aberration
To say that Carlisle was excited to experiment with Louisa's gift was a gross understatement. Within an hour of asking, the doctor had scheduled an MRI, procured something called an electroencephalogram, and downloaded a fancy software that would allow him to view her brain in real-time. With her permission, two family friends were also to be consulted. Eleazar from the Denali coven was Carlisle's first phone call. Eleazar, Carlisle had explained, possessed the peculiar (and helpful) ability to sense the gifts of those around him. Whilst Eleazar emphasized that his power was less effective on humans, he agreed that having a general idea of how her power worked would be more helpful than the vague assumptions they had. The second choice for assistance was much more controversial and had nearly caused a physical altercation between Carlisle and Jasper when the doctor had proposed it. Louisa, who had never heard of Aro of Volturi, couldn't figure out why contacting him was such a bad idea.
Catching her train of thought, Edward began to fill her in on what was the closest thing vampires had to royalty. "They are the most powerful coven in the world," Edward murmured, watching Carlisle and Jasper argue, his brow furrowed with anxiety. "They enforce our laws and keep us safe."
"Safe from what?" Louisa couldn't help but ask. Vampires were remarkably hard to kill, according to Jasper.
"Humans," Edward replied. Louisa wanted to laugh at his response, but the tight-lipped set to his face made the sound die in her throat.
They resumed watching the unfolding argument from a safe distance behind Edward's piano. Emmett and Rosalie had a similar idea and had taken shelter at the top of the grand staircase, peering down from over the bannister. Esme had rolled her eyes and removed herself from the situation altogether and disappeared into the kitchen. Only Alice was unbothered as she wandered through the house, eyes glazed and unfocused, seemingly unaware of the shouting match happening around her.
"If you think I'm going to let that psychopath anywhere near her, you're a fool." Jasper snarled and a hostile feeling settled over the room. He paced through the lounge, his movements stiff and jerky, clenching and relaxing his fists.
"Aro has no reason to harm Louisa," Carlisle said, raising his hands in an appeasing gesture.
"No reason to harm her?" Jasper repeated in a tone that was somehow mocking and incredulous. "She's a human who knows about vampires. Your 'friend' has killed for much less."
"Louisa is gifted," Carlisle pointed out. "Her situation is different than that of a normal human. We have broken no laws by telling her something she already knew from a supernatural source."
"You believe that matters to them? If anything, that put us in more danger. Aro likes to collect gifted vampires, and he'll kill an entire coven if that's what it takes to get one."
"He hasn't harmed us yet, and he knows about Edward."
"Brilliant reasoning: 'He might not slaughter us because he has not yet done so'. And what of Alice? Or myself? If Aro learns about us, he might think you are amassing your own army of gifted vampires. What might your 'friend' say about that?"
"Your distrust of the Volturi is understandable but unfounded, Jasper," Carlisle said in a tone that was calm, yet did nothing to placate him. If anything, it only served to agitate him further. "They are not without reason. You plan to change Louisa as soon as it is safe to do so, and they will recognise that."
Louisa let out a shaky sigh and glanced up at Rose, who rolled her eyes.
"Louisa," she called out in a sarcastic and patronising voice. "Seeing as this affects your life, what would you like to do?"
Carlisle had the decency to look chagrined whilst Jasper remained tight-jawed and defiant. They turned to look at her and waited for her answer. Louisa wiped her hands on her skirt, surprised to find them clammy, and tried not to squirm under their scrutiny. This was really not how she thought this conversation would go.
Truth be told, she didn't know what she wanted. Whilst she held a great deal of respect for Dr Cullen, she trusted Jasper implicitly, and if he didn't believe it was safe, she was reluctant to agree to the meeting with Aro. Then again, Jasper was known to fly off the handle when it came to her safety, and Dr Cullen claimed to know Aro personally. If Dr Cullen thought it was safe, wouldn't it be beneficial to consult the stranger's expertise? Would she truly be in danger if she agreed with Dr Cullen, as Jasper feared? And if she did, would Jasper be angry and see it as a betrayal?
"No one will be angry," Edward murmured, hearing her worried thoughts. "We all want what's best for you."
Jasper was beside her in an instant, growling at Edward, who retreated, hands raised. He spun her around on the piano bench and kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his. Louisa looked down at her fingers, surprised to find them bleeding. A wave of calm washed over her and pushed the panic far enough away so that she could gather her thoughts. Taking a steadying breath, she gave her boyfriend a wan smile before turning back towards Carlisle.
"So, what exactly is Aro's gift?" She asked. "And why could he help me?"
Carlisle folded himself into a nearby chair, looking relieved. "It is referred to as tactile telepathy," he began. "It's similar to Edward, inasmuch that he can read minds. It is, however, both stronger and more limited than Edward's gift. Aro can read every single thought anyone has had in their lifetime but is limited by physical contact. The longer he touches you, the more he can see."
"So it's not like an automatic download sort of situation," she guessed. "He doesn't just gain every single one of your thoughts by touching you?"
It was Edward who responded. "He has to search for the thoughts he wants," he confirmed, shooting Jasper a cautious look before inching back into the room. "But there is no way to stop him from reading those thoughts if he gets his hands on you."
Louisa pursed her lips as she contemplated this new information. She could see why Carlisle had drawn the comparison between Aro and herself. Both could access information from a source (though Louisa's gift was emotions based rather than thoughts), and both required physical contact. "So you think he might have ideas on how to control this?"
"If it is possible," Carlisle affirmed, nodding his head possible. "Though we do not yet know the true extent of your gift. It could be as developed as it will ever be, you might be able to strengthen it more now, or you might have to wait until you have been changed. Eleazar might have some idea, but his gift is more powerful on vampires, rather than humans."
"So in other words, who knows how this all will go?" Louisa summarised, leaning back into Jasper and trying not to feel defeated. There was something incredibly discouraging hearing Carlisle, both her doctor and a three-hundred-year-old vampire, admit he was walking into this blind. "Is it worth the risk of drawing the Volturi's attention?"
"Only you can decide that," Carlisle said, his face pinched with empathy. "You must understand, Louisa, that gifts possessed by vampires are amplifications of their strongest traits as humans. For Edward, he was extraordinarily good at guessing what other people were thinking. Jasper remembers being adept at convincing people to do what he wanted. But humans who claim to have paranormal gifts have always been disproven. What you can do is unheard of in the supernatural world."
Eleazar echoed this sentiment when he arrived several weeks later. He watched her with wide, golden eyes and nearly forgot to introduce himself when she shook his hand, prompting an eye roll from his wife, Carmen, who had accompanied him.
"You must forgive him," she said, pulling Louisa's face down to place a kiss on each cheek. "He assumed Carlisle was exaggerating about you."
Both Carmen and her husband possessed the chalky pallor that Louisa had come to associate with vampires, though their skin had an olive undertone that left them looking less like a reanimated corpse and more like they were in need of a good tan. Carmen had carefully sculpted dark curls, which added several inches to her height. While she spoke in a soft tone, her lilt had a powerful quality to it which led Louisa to believe that the woman had a beautiful singing voice. Eleazar, on the other hand, had a coltish, wiry build. He was around the same height as Louisa, though he held himself as if he was trying to take up as little space as possible- as if he was used to going unnoticed. Likely because of his former job as a… guard of some sort?
"Astonishing." The word was whispered in Spanish, and Louisa jumped, breaking off her conversation with Carmen to face a stunned Eleazar. "What do you know of us already?"
"Well, Carlisle mentioned…"
Eleazar shook his head, his eyes narrowing in concentration. "No, what do you know?"
Oh. She hadn't expected the experimentation to begin so soon. Louisa glanced back at Jasper, who gave her an encouraging nod.
"It's okay, Louisa," Emmett teased while he stepped forward to greet Carmen. He scooped the woman up in a hug, spinning her in an enthusiastic circle. "You can show off for them."
Louisa resisted the urge to give him a rude hand gesture, especially considering he was right. They had travelled all the way from Alaska to meet her. Feeling a little like an animal at a zoo, she took a centring breath and turned to face Carmen with a hesitant smile.
"You hate your shoes," Louisa began, giving the woman a thorough once over and noticing how she shifted ever so slightly from foot to foot. "You would prefer to be barefoot right now. You never wear shoes if you can help it." She turned her attention to the woman's hands, noting the ink stains on her fingers. Louisa's hands twitched and she repressed a phantom desire to type. "You use a typewriter," she continued. "You like the funny sounds they make."
Carmen fixed her with a warm smile. "Well done, Lou-"
"You're very sound-oriented," Louisa continued, accidentally cutting the woman off. "You sing a lot."
An unpleasant tingle ran down Louisa's spine, her head buzzing, mind kicking into overdrive. Her eyes fluttered shut on their own accord and she found herself picturing her mental library. Rows of shelves stuffed with books that were filled with information she had accumulated over the years, unfolded before her. She imagined a carpet beneath her feet, and when she looked down, she found it littered with hundreds, thousands of loose leaves of paper. She stooped down and picked one up, noticing the hand-drawn musical notes and foreign lyrics.
"You are a former opera singer, though I can't place the style," she whispered, though she wasn't sure if she said it out loud or only in her head. She trusted that Edward would translate for them if need be. "It's Spanish," she continued before humming the melody on the page. Another voice, smooth and warm, joined in, singing along. "Definitely baroque. She's a soprano— she sounds like a spinto."
She stooped down again and picked up another piece of paper, this one thick and yellowed with age. A hyper-realistic drawing of a village covered every inch of it. There were no colours, but the black ink it had been drawn in had no trouble conveying the dancing flames that ravaged the buildings. It felt different than the last piece of information. More masculine.
"Eleazar visited a town," she said, running her fingers across impressions left behind by the nib. "He didn't start the fire though." She flipped over the drawing, hoping for more clues. Why had Eleazar been standing in a burning village in… Prussia? She glanced at the man standing next to her, a tall, towering man built like the trunk of an oak tree. He gave her a jovial smile, his red eyes glowing in the moonlight. The stranger nodded towards the vampires standing motionless before them, petrified by fear.
"Will they be of use?" he asked in a language that she knew she shouldn't know, yet somehow understood.
She shook her head.
Felix shrugged before loping forward and ripping off a woman's arms. Chaos descended before her, and try as she might, she couldn't look away or even close her eyes. She watched with a resigned sort of horror as bodies were dismantled with sickening screeches. Demitri trailed behind Felix, chucking discarded limbs into a roaring fire which sent thick plumes of purple smoke up into the night. Jane, the little psychopath that she was, giggled whenever someone screamed.
"Hilfe!" A young girl who didn't look much older than twelve yelled. She held out her hand towards him, ruby eyes wide with panic, a blue ribbon at the end of one of her braids coming undone. She opened her mouth to call out again but was silenced when Felix delivered a death blow. Jane picked up the girl's head by one of her braids and tossed it towards the funeral pyre. But only the girl's hair caught the flames and the head went crashing through one of the village's cottages. It took only a few seconds for the fire to spread, and soon dozens of homes joined the growing blaze.
Panic rushed through him but he tramped down on the urge to run. He had a job to do. One more job, then he could go home to see his Carmen. One more job and he would ask to leave. One more job, and God willing, there would be no more violence. He was nearly down now. It wasn't the time to freeze up in horror, no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't flinch, not even when a body flew across the village, completely devoid of a head. He needed to calm down and focus on the task at hand, not the sickly sweet smoke that was filling the air, his nostrils, his lungs making it impossible to breathe and he wondered if he would ever get the scent off of his clothes his hair his skin he needed to calm down he was almost done now they were almost free but not the ones he was sent to destroy would Carmen still love him after all he had done was he a—
A heavy, forced calm settled over him and he sagged to his knees or at least he would have had a strong pair of arms not tightened around his waist. The man behind him let out a warning growl, then tension in the room almost palpable. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to find Carlisle kneeling in front of him. He was instructing him to pinch his nose shut to stem the flow of blood, which didn't make much sense given that he didn't have a beating heart. He glanced around the room, recognising each of the Cullens, who watched him with concern, his eyes finding his beloved Carmen who was holding hands with… himself?
A sharp, stabbing pain shot through his, no her, brain. Her brain because her name was Louisa. Louisa Jane Collins, born March seventeenth, dating-but-also-something-more Jasper Whitlock. Her sister's name was Dottie and her father was called Stephen, and Mum and Laurie were dead. Petya lived in Tacoma and she lived in Forks and she was at the Cullen's house. She was bleeding in a room full of vampires, which wasn't the wisest decision she had ever made, and probably making a terrible first impression for Carmen and Eleazar, who came to visit all the way from Alaska.
She sank further into Jasper's arms, feeling shaky and exhausted. She managed to grip the handkerchief Carlisle held to her nose to stem the bleeding. "Sorry," she whispered for lack of a better response. Carlisle waved her apology off but didn't back away, instead producing a penlight and shining it in her eyes.
"Is she concussed?" Jasper asked, his voice rumbling through her body.
"No," Louisa grunted, pleased that her words weren't slurred. It was embarrassing enough to have had a fit in the presence of so many people. The fact that she was a fragile human surrounded by immortal vampires only served to amplify her mortification. She didn't need a concussion on top of that.
A smile quirked at the corner of Carlisle's lips despite the seriousness of the situation. "It is unlikely," he agreed. "But you should rest before trying something like that again."
Louisa gave him a thumbs up before glancing back towards a stunned Carmen and Eleazar. She was tempted to ask if she had risked brain damage for no reason, but couldn't think of how to make it sound like a joke, so settled for a faint, "Was that helpful?
"Yes," Eleazar said, watching her with concern. "I can see why you called me."
No Stone Left Unturned
Carmen and Eleazar ended up staying for most of April, and while Louisa liked the Alaskan vampires, she wasn't sad to see them go. Eleazar had been disappointingly unhelpful in their quest for answers. Whilst he was able to confirm that they were correct in their assumptions regarding the nature of her gift, he could only offer vague suggestions on how best to control it. That didn't stop him and Carlisle from using her like an overgrown lab rat though. Louisa had had more MRI's in those three weeks than in her entire life.
No, if Louisa wanted to learn to use her power, she would have to find another psychometrist to teach her or figure it out on her own. And according to Eleazar, the world seemed to be in short supply of them. He did agree with Carlisle's original idea to consult with Aro, though, much to Jasper's dismay. Fortunately, the resulting conversation had far less shouting involved, and Eleazar was able to soothe some of their hesitations.
"He'll be curious, more than anything," Eleazar, who had worked for the Volturi for over a century, explained. "You're an aberration. I've never encountered a human with this level of control over a gift before."
"But I'm still a human who knows about vampires," Louisa pointed out.
Eleazar shrugged. "You won't be for long. Jasper plans to change you, correct?"
The flippant way he regarded her humanity left a sour taste in her mouth.
Jasper sensed the change in her mood and answered before she had the chance to deliver a scathing retort. "No later than nineteen," he confirmed, shooting her a look she couldn't quite decipher.
She pursed her lips and turned her head away, wishing she was somewhere else. The two men continued to talk about her like she wasn't there, discussing her condition, her options, and possible timelines for her future. Louisa tried not to let it get under her skin, but it was surprisingly difficult. Carlisle, she tried to forgive— his actions came from a place of concern for her. Eleazar, however, had no reason to decide anything about her life. Friend of the family or not, he was more or less still a stranger to her.
"Aro would enjoy the prospect of meeting her," Eleazar said. "He might be willing to help her."
"Jasper is concerned that he will try to recruit her for the guard," Carlisle said.
Eleazar shook his head. "Aro will see her as a less powerful version of himself. If you cannot be used to maintain order, you are more or less useless to them."
Jasper gave her leg a comforting squeeze when she heard that delightful reassurance. Rolling her eyes, she stood, kissed Jasper, and left. Neither Carlisle nor Eleazar noticed her leave. She was at La Push long before either man noticed she was gone.
"What brings you here, white girl?" Leah asked after Louisa pulled up in front of the Clearwater house.
"Normalcy, I hope." Somewhere besides vampires, supernatural gifts, and anything remotely paranormal. Not that she told Leah this much.
Leah hopped in the passenger seat of the Prius, propping her feet up on the dash. "We can go cliff diving if you want. I hear the water has warmed up."
They didn't end up jumping off any cliffs, though they did start a bonfire on a secluded stretch of beach. They lay side by side on the pebbled ground, watching the flames curl up towards the darkening sky. They talked about everything and nothing at the same time. After spending a month having to use her gift to learn information, it was nice to not have to figure out for herself. There wasn't much that she could share with Leah, but it didn't seem to bother the other girl. She was more than happy to chatter away about how her gymnastics season was going, the antics of her little brother, and her plans after she finished high school.
"I can't wait to graduate," Leah said, her voice oozing with contempt.
Louisa hummed in agreement. She would be graduating in a little over a year, and she had no idea what that meant for her. Lately, it felt like her life had paused and it was difficult to actually care too much about what the future held. She was going through the motions of finishing high school and looking at universities for her father's sake, but would she even get to go to university before she was changed? "Where will you go?"
"Who cares? Anywhere is better than here." Louisa frowned. Sure, cultural capital of the world Forks was not, but it wasn't the worst place in the world. Leah must have seen the look on her face and shook her head. "You're from Forks, white girl. It's different for me. My only hope of getting out of this hellhole is a full ride on an athletic scholarship."
While it wasn't the first time Leah had expressed her desire to move, there was something in her voice that gave Louisa pause. "Is everything alright at home? Or with Sam?"
Leah scowled and Louisa wondered if she would tell her to mind her own business. They hadn't known each other long, now that she thought about it, and despite enjoying each other's company, Louisa couldn't describe their relationship as close. Even still, Louisa could tell that something was bothering the other girl and she wanted to help.
And okay, sure, she had to admit, she was curious about it too. With the lack of an ongoing criminal investigation, she was in desperate need of a juicy piece of gossip.
"The elders have been… weird lately. Like weirder than usual," Leah admitted in a low voice as if she were divulging a sacred secret.
That didn't seem like a reason to want to leave, but then again, she wasn't well versed in the politics of the reservation. "How so?"
Leah pursed her lips and stared up at the starry sky, her hands folded on her stomach. "About a year ago, they stopped letting kids go to Forks. They said it wasn't safe," she explained. "Even the adults were asked not to go. My parents had a huge row about it. Mum was working as a nurse at Forks General at the time and Dad kept ranting about how it was dangerous."
Louisa's brow furrowed. Former murderous chemistry teachers aside, Forks was a pretty peaceful town. "Did she quit?"
"Yeah," Leah replied with a hysterical laugh. "All because a bunch of old men were worried about a stupid legend."
"That must be one hell of a legend," Louisa said. "What's it about?"
Leah rolled on to her side to face her, propping herself up with one hand. "Something about wolves," she said, mouth twisting into a humourless smile. "We're supposed to be descended from them, or some bullshit like that."
"Sounds kind of badass, to be honest."
Leah let out a real laugh at that. "You would think that," she said, her teeth glinting in the firelight. "Anyway, about a month ago, the elders started getting real antsy. It feels like they've been calling council meetings at least once a week. Dad goes to them, and when he comes back, he's got this weird look on his face."
"What goes on at the meetings?"
"I don't know," she huffed. "They've been watching the boys in town like they're ticking time bombs. Something's got them nervous."
"Have you asked your dad about it?"
Leah let out a cold laugh. "Yeah, he pats my head and tells me to be a good little girl and not worry about it."
Despite the editorialising, Louisa could hear the frustration underneath her anger. "So what's he protecting you from?" she wondered aloud, her mind beginning to formulate hundreds of possible scenarios.
"Protecting?" Leah repeated, redrawing her attention. She managed to sound incredulous and sarcastic at the same time.
"Well, yeah," Louisa said, sitting up and shifting to face her. "You said he's upset about something right? He probably doesn't want to have to burden you with it either."
"Shouldn't I get to decide that?" she asked, heated, sitting up as well.
"He is your dad," Louisa pointed out. "That's what dads do, right? And it might not have to do with you. Why bother you with it if it won't affect you?"
Leah sent her a glare even Rosalie would have found impressive. "Whose side are you on?"
Louisa raised her hands in an appeasing gesture. "I'm just offering another explanation."
"So I should just drop it, is what you are saying."
"Not at all. That would be hypocritical of me," Louisa said.
"Then what?" Leah demanded, her body leaning forward in anticipation, elbows resting on her knees.
"Well," she said slowly. "If they aren't going to tell you, maybe you should find out for yourself."
No Stone Left Unturned
She was unsurprised to find Jasper waiting for her when she walked into her dark room that night. He was sprawled out on their bed, hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling, so motionless she wasn't sure if he was even breathing. In fact, the only sign of life was when he tilted his head to watch her, his yellow eyes nearly glowing in the low lighting. He had changed out of the jeans and button-down he had been wearing last she saw him into a pair of sweatpants, looking more like a teenaged boy than she had ever seen him (that is, if you were to overlook his well-toned muscles and his absurd amount of scars). He pushed himself up as she approached, and pulled her into his lap, his fingers slipping under the edge of her blouse and massaging her hip bones. Louisa sank into his body and buried her face in his shoulder, savouring his warm, clean scent.
"Did I miss anything?" she asked, her voice muffled.
Jasper shook his head. "Carlisle wants to apologise for being insensitive."
Louisa nodded and craned her neck back to kiss him before disentangling their limbs and rising to her feet. She crossed her tiny bedroom and began to rummage through her wardrobe for pyjamas. She could feel Jasper's eyes on her back as she changed her clothes, calculating and curious, and whilst he didn't say anything, Louisa got the impression that he wanted to. Arms wound around her waist the moment she finished, and she couldn't help but laugh.
"You're impatient tonight," she noted, twisting in his arms.
His lips twitched as if he might smile, before leading her back to the bed. He sank back into the mattress and pulled her on top of him, one of his hands finding its way to her hair while the other rubbed circles along her spine. Louisa let out a content sigh and pressed a kiss into his chest. They lay in silence, enjoying the feeling of the other's touch, and relishing the unique comfort they could only bring each other.
Well, for the most part. Something weighed heavily on Jasper's mind, and whether he was projecting it or she was simply attuned to his moods, Louisa could sense it. Lifting her eyes to meet his, she cocked her head and sent him a searching look. "What's up?"
"Do you not want to become a vampire?"
Her first instinct was to say no, but deep down she knew it wasn't really true. The more she thought about it, the more she realised that she was largely indifferent to the matter. Her life had become so intertwined with Jasper's that it didn't even occur to her to not become a vampire anymore. She had made her peace with her inevitable change. Some people married their partner; she would become a different species for hers. No, vampirism wasn't what bothered her. It was the unintended collateral that came along with it.
"Talk to me, love," he murmured, caressing her face. "What troubles you?"
She slid off him and burrowed into his side, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I feel like I'm stuck," She admitted. "Like everyone around me is moving on with their life, but it doesn't matter what I do, because in two years I'm going to be more or less dead. What's the point of taking my SATs or sitting AP exams if I'm going to be stuck as at nineteen for the rest of my existence? My friends are going to go to college, my sister will get married and have kids. And on top of that, I've got this stupid gift that I can't control any more than I did a month ago and I feel like a fucking lab rat and it feels like everyone else has more control over my own life than I do." She said this all in one hurried breath, afraid that if she were to stop, she might never be able to speak again.
Jasper rolled over onto his side and curled his long limbs around her body as if it would somehow shield her from the world. "What do you want?" he asked.
Louisa opened her mouth only to close it once more. She couldn't think of the last time someone had asked her that. Despite her efforts, tears sprang to her eyes. "I don't know," she admitted. "That's the problem. I can't even bring myself to care anymore. It all feels so pointless- like my life is already over and I'm trapped in limbo."
Jasper didn't offer her false platitudes, saying that it would all get better. He didn't manipulate her feelings or try to convince her that her life wasn't a wreck, or invalidate how she felt. He didn't say anything. All he did was wrap her up in his arms and hold her as tight as he dared, and listen as she attempted to voice her scrambled and confused thoughts.
"And then today," she continued, feeling like a dam had burst in her chest as her frustration began to pour out. "Carlisle and Eleazar were discussing what to do with me. They didn't ask me for my opinion. And when Eleazar had a question about me, he asked you, even though I was sitting right next to you, and it feels like I'm just some puzzle for them to solve or a problem to fix or some stupid little girl who needs her boyfriend to speak for her and it didn't even matter that I was there and when I left it took them almost an hour for them to notice I was gone, that's how much I didn't matter, and—" There was so much more that she wanted to say but her breath caught in her throat and a choking sob ripped through her body.
Jasper sat up, pulling her with him, and cradling her in his arms. "You matter, Louisa," he whispered into her hair. "You aren't stupid. You aren't a problem."
She could feel his gentle influence, pulling her back from the brink of hysteria, and she pulled herself closer, welcoming the offered peace. He rocked them back and forth, and when the sobs subsided into hiccups, he took her face in his hands and peppered it with kisses. When shame for breaking down tried to settle over her, he snatched away, his eyes darkening in sadness each time he did. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on his lips and how each touch sent a rush of warmth through her body.
"How can I help you, my love?" he murmured, his lips running over the exposed skin of her neck. "Ask anything of me and I shall do it for you."
Louisa shook her head and pressed her lips together, trying to calm her breathing. She didn't know what she wanted, or what her problem even was. Her grievances felt so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, yet she couldn't help but feel like she was a bird, trapped in a cage—where each day was as monotonous as it was meaningless, confined and isolated from the rest of the world. Part of her wanted to take off, leave everything behind, run away from everything remotely supernatural. A larger part of her felt sick that she even entertained the idea, considering it meant she would have to leave behind Jasper.
Jasper, who was distressed, simply because she was and it hurt him to see her upset. Jasper, who would move mountains for her if she only asked. There wasn't a single thing he could do for her that he wasn't already doing, and her heart, heavy as it was, swelled with love for her mate.
"I just need you."
Jasper's arms tightened around her, pulling her into his chest and tucking her head under his chin. "You have me," he promised. "I'm right here, darling. I'm not going anywhere."
She clung to him, what felt like her only real tether in all of this, and cried even harder.
"It was not despair, but it seemed to her as if life were passing by, leaving its promises broken and unfulfilled. Yet there were other days when she listened, was led on and deceived by fresh promises which her youth had held out to her." ― Kate Chopin
A/N: Putting my quarantine to good use and knocking out this chapter I've been meaning to write. Hope you all are healthy and safe! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think of the chapter. I can't wait to hear your thoughts! -CA