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Category:
F/M
Fandoms:
Bridgerton (TV)Bridgerton Series - Julia QuinnBridgerton (TV) RPF
Relationships:
Colin Bridgerton/Penelope FeatheringtonColin Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington
Characters:
Colin BridgertonPenelope FeatheringtonPenelope Bridgerton
Additional Tags:
RegencyRomanceRegency RomanceHEAHappily Ever Afters Are All I Know How to DoForced MarriageForced ProximityThere Was Only One BedVirgin Colin BridgertonThere Was Only One RoomLight AngstNo CommunicationMiscommunicationJust Talk to Each Other Y'allPenelope Featherington Loves Colin BridgertonColin Bridgerton Loves Penelope FeatheringtonEventual SmutcourtingRomantic Fluff
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Published:2024-11-12Updated:2024-11-25Words:26,580Chapters:9/?Comments:151Kudos:548Bookmarks:158Hits:16,780
Adoring Mrs. Bridgerton
hippiechick7897
Summary:
Colin and Penelope find themselves in a very public unseemly spectacle that force them to marry. Surely, that's agreeable to marry your best friend and carry on as if nothing changed, right? Except you cannot get away; that person is always there, always present, always flashing an ankle trying to tempt you. And tempted you are...
Chapter 1: Colin's Desperate Pleas
Summary:
Colin is desperate to speak to Penelope and repair whatever is broken in their friendship.
Chapter Text
Confusion was a detestable emotion, for it left one…confused, and when one was confused their path in life was messy and unclear...or confused one might say.
Colin Bridgerton mentally composed his journal entry for later, but knew that was a terribly constructed sentence, yet confusion seemed to be his perpetual state these days and the word, as well as the emotion was always at the forefront of his mind.
Confusion was a detestable emotion, for it left one lost in their life and their path unsettled. How is one to proceed when plagued by the constant feeling? How should one resolve it when the source refuses to offer solace nor clarity?
It was better but still not up to the usual standard he held himself to, nor had it been for the last four months, which was when all his confusion began.
Colin watched the source of this long-standing confounding bewilderment elegantly glide across the ballroom in a positively fetching dress that was showing off her ample…charms to perfection. The men were looking on with unabashed desire and the ladies were looking on with unabashed jealousy that their own…charms were nowhere near as pleasing.
Penelope Featherington was curvy, voluptuous, petite, and possessed a beautifully warm smile, long hair the color of a fiery sunset, eyes the color of the clearest sky, and a voice as sweet and smooth as honey.
One of Colin's favorite things about Penelope was that she had no idea how delightful those around her found her and she crossed the room completely unaware of the admiring attention that she was drawing.
There was a time when Colin would have instantly gone to her, to speak with her, to laugh with her, to dance with her and capture her attention for himself for the whole of the evening but she had cut off all communication with him. Her disposition of pure sunshine had turned to a raging storm when it came to him, and he had no idea what he had done to earn her ire.
They had been close friends for nearly ten years, they wrote letters when he was away on his travels, they called on each other at their homes, they promenaded, they shopped the markets, they dined together at least twice a week, they chatted, they shared the same sense of humor, they shared secrets and their deepest thoughts, and she was friends with his sister, multiple sisters really. Then all the sudden everything had ceased.
Penelope no longer responded to his many attempts at engaging her via letter over his travels, she stopped seeing Eloise, she refused to see him when he called on her, she actively avoided him public. He'd even witnessed her pivot into an alley when she saw him walking towards her simply to avoid him. Colin had followed her into the very same alley to try and speak to her and get to the bottom of whatever he had done to upset her so, but she listed the guise of fixing the laces on her boots as the reasoning for her abrupt ducking into the alley and then hurried away from him saying that she was to meet Lady Featherington two minutes ago at the modiste.
Thus, he was still left with no clue what had happened or what to do about it. The last night that all seemed to be well was the evening of the Featherington Ball where he had, most mistakenly it seemed, thought they had turned some kind of proverbial corner in their friendship to perhaps something even more dear.
They had shared a dance that had felt most intimate, he had declared her special and pledged his loyalty to look out for her. She had seemed inordinately pleased and declared him just as special to her. Then he'd lost track of her at the ball for the rest of the evening, departing for his travels two days later and had begun writing to her, as he always did when he was away, but for three months he heard nothing from her. Silence reigned supreme, without even a quick note dismissing herself from their correspondence for whatever reason was preventing her from responding.
He had further learned then that Penelope was no longer communicating with Eloise either. She had awayed to her country home and spoke to no Bridgerton in the off-season, which was quite atypical. Penelope usually wrote all off-season to Colin, and visited Aubrey Hall as Eloise's guest, or at the very least communicated with his mother, who adored her as equally as any of her own children, but Penelope had done none of those things. She'd went to her country home and there she had stayed for the duration of the off-season, doing who knew what, speaking to who knew who.
When Colin had returned from his journey, he had called upon Penelope the very next day, but the housekeeper had declared her to be out for the day. He returned the following day and was told he had just missed her, but he may be able to catch her heading to the market stalls if he hurried, but he had seen no sign of her at Rotten Row. The third and fourth day it was proclaimed that she had a headache and was not taking visitors. The fifth day the housekeeper told him that Penelope was too busy for callers for the foreseeable days, that he should cease his visits, and that Penelope would call on him at Bridgerton House when she was able.
A week passed but still she did not come, and Colin was becoming increasingly fraught to see her. Eloise refused to tell him what was going on and became combative when pressed, his mother seemed to have no more insight than he did, and Penelope still refused him when he renewed his attempts at calling on her at Featherington House.
He was at a loss, both on what to do about their broken connection, and how it was affecting him personally, for losing Penelope's friendship had had a most unexpected impact on him. His appetite had been negatively impacated, his sleep had become fitful to non-existent, his thoughts disquieted and his writings terribly worded and often incoherent. In short, he had not realized how much that Penelope Featherington kept him tethered and grounded and without her constant loyalty and companionship he was but a leaf blowing in the autumn wind, falling to the ground, only to be carried away with the slightest breeze and crushed beneath one's feet.
Colin missed her and the calming presence she brought. So long had he known her he remembered not what it was like to exist without her, and he was finding that he cared for it not. He found that he needed Penelope like the very air he breathed, for no one else made him feel as seen nor heard as she.
Now it was the first ball of the social season, the first time they would be forced together since whatever had drove her away from him had happened, and perhaps tonight he could force her to speak to him and tell him what he had done so that he could start making his amends to her. Surely whatever he had inadvertently done could be repaired, for Penelope had the sweetest nature.
He scanned the room for her once more and caught her eye near the refreshment table. He nodded his head at her and smiled broadly, but she looked alarmed and immediately looked away. He found it would not do this evening, for he was at his limit for not speaking with her.
Colin crossed the room with determination and even though she had broken away from his eye contact, he was still in her direct eyeline, and she was running, not technically, it was a ballroom after all, but she darted away with great speed from the refreshments in the blink of an eye and he saw not where she went. Her stature made it easy to become lost in a crowd and he scanned the dancing couples, the meandering ladies, the wandering men and the perambulating twosomes for the flash of her auburn curls but saw her not and he huffed in frustration.
He happened upon his two older brothers and paused in his hunt for Penelope to speak to them, keeping his eyes scanning the room as he did so, now believing a sneak attack to be his best option. He would need to come upon her from behind and ask for her dance so that she could not refuse him and force her to speak to him for the quarter of an hour as they pranced about.
Out of the corner of his eye, Colin finally saw the flash of her sapphire gown and the glint of her diamond hair accessory slinking across the back wall of the room but was careful not to turn his head enough so that Penelope would realize that she had been spotted. She'd returned to the drink table, standing with her back to him and he saw his opening.
He swiftly excused himself from his conversation with Anthony and Benedict and walked as briskly to her as polite society would allow without physically running and when he stood behind her, he said so loudly that at least seven people turned to stare at them so that he could be assured of her acceptance.
"Miss Featherington, may I have your next dance please?"
Penelope quite literally jumped from the suddenness of his appearance and the volume of his voice.
"Mr. Bridgerton, I…"
Colin watched a flurry of emotions cross her face, including ones that he had previously never seen on Penelope's soft features before; fury, irritation, indignation, resignation, hope, fondness, a distraught search for an excuse and a fierce desire to be rescued. It pained him, for what, as her trusted friend, should she need rescued from him for? He knew her so well that he could see her casting for any acceptable reason that she could decline him and for how long it took her to finish her answer he knew she had left no consideration unconsidered.
"I…thank you, yes." Penelope finally managed.
The moment he had her away from the group of people who had stared so intently at them he dropped the formalities the ton demanded and spoke to her as affectionately as he normally did, however, she did not.
"Pen, you look quite enchanting this evening, your dress is the loveliest here tonight." Colin said, taking her hand and guiding her to the floor.
"Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton." She replied rigidly.
"I have missed you exceedingly these long months." Colin said.
"Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton." Penelope repeated.
"How have you been, Pen?" He asked, trying to bring some semblance of normalcy to their interaction as she gave him nothing to work with by her simple responses.
"Well."
"How are you enjoying the ball this evening?" Colin inquired, clutching her hand tighter.
"Quite well."
The music began and Colin continued trying to converse with her, but he continued to receive brief, close-ended answers with no attempt on her side to continue the conversation.
He wanted to know all her thoughts since they had parted; he asked her about her time at her country home, how she liked this evening's food, how she was enjoying the music, he asked what she was currently reading, and why she was no longer speaking with Eloise, but to no avail.
They were frequent partners who normally danced quite effortlessly and easy together but tonight Penelope was stiff, mentally disconnected and he could feel her discomfort with his proximity.
"Pen, what have I done to upset you? Please talk to me." Colin asked, desperation hedging into his tone but caring not.
Penelope made no answer and continued her rigid movements.
"I cannot make amends if I know not the problem. I have no idea how to fix what is clearly broken." Colin tried again.
"If you know not what you have said then I cannot help you" Penelope said. Giving her longest response yet but it was still not helpful, aside from clue.
"So, it was something that I said?" Colin asked, but her deafening silence had returned.
The music ended, he bowed as she gave an abrupt curtsy and turned to leave him standing on the dance floor, but he reached for her arm to stay her, grasping the delicate softness of her upper arm above her glove and sliding his large hand down to capture her small wrist in his long fingers.
"Pen!" He loudly protested.
His mother was standing close with Lady Danbury and Lady Featherington, and he heard them all gasp at his indecorous touch and familiarity so publicly and vociferously displayed.
"Colin Bridgerton!" His mother admonished. When it came to Penelope his propriety oft fell to the wayside, and he forgot himself.
He looked at them all apologetically but did not drop his hold on Penelope.
Penelope only half turned to him, but she wrenched her arm away from his grasp as if he had burned her, and looked at him not when she spoke. "Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton, for the dance. I am most obliged."
Then Penelope walked purposefully from the floor and out the nearby terrace door, so Colin followed her, not realizing that he himself had been followed by their mothers and Lady Danbury, and they had several onlookers watching on with great interest.
"Pen!" He called loudly, appropriateness be damned, for he'd already made the scene. "Wait! Speak with me."
Penelope stopped to turn hastily and looked ready to give him an earful, which he almost preferred to her near silence, but Colin was moving with such momentum from his pursuit that when he halted himself to keep from knocking her to the ground, he lost his own balance.
He pitched forward and put his hands out to brace himself from falling, but Penelope had taken a step toward him at the quickness of his movement, and he found his two hands inadvertently grasping her two breasts, his nose briefly buried in her cleavage and his lips unmistakably tasting her flesh until he expeditiously righted himself. They each froze in shock and gaped at the other with wide-eyed incredulousness as their onlookers snickered and his mother, her mother, and Lady Danbury gasped in shocked disapproval.
"Mr. Bridgerton, release my daughter this instant!" Lady Featherington cried indignantly. "How dare you compromise her in such a public manner!"
"I did not mean…erm." Colin stuttered out, realizing he was still cupping her fleshy mounds in his large palms and dropped his hands quickly, taking a guilty step away from her. "I'm so sorry, Pen."
"Well, you must marry her now after attempting such familiarities in front of all these people." Lady Featherington said, with her hands on her hips.
"Mama, it was but an accident. He tripped and my boso…my body…was in the way of the ground." Penelope replied desperately. "I do not wish to marry Mr. Bridgerton."
"Nonsense, Penelope, there was no tripping. He has touched and kissed you. You must marry, for look at how many people have seen him violate you. Mr. Bridgerton will propose to you this instant, will not he, Lady Bridgerton?" Lady Featherington said, looking at Lady Bridgerton accusatorily.
"Colin is naught but an honorable man who would never intentionally harm a lady's reputation. I have no doubt that he would do the right thing in such a situation." Lady Bridgerton replied, giving Colin a prompting look.
"I will not marry Mr. Bridgerton should he ask, for he would never dream of it in anyone's wildest fantasy." Penelope insisted with a bite to her tone.
The words hurt to hear but gave him a niggling of recognition upon hearing them and were spoken with a jabbing quality to them, conveying that she would rather be ruined in the eyes of the ton than marry him, which would simply not do. She was far too precious to him for such.
Colin turned his back on their audience and spoke so lowly that only Penelope could hear him.
"Pen, you must marry me so that you are not ruined and remain respectable. You'll have the protection of the Bridgerton name, Anthony's Viscountcy and Simon's Dukedom via Daphne shielding you from a hasty marriage. Please be practical and do not allow whatever I have done to shun you from society forevermore. I will make up for whatever I have done to fall out of your much desired favor, and we will be quite happy together. I will respect you, care for you and keep you safe, you have my word."
Though Penelope looked as if she were forced to walk the plank, Colin found that he minded not being forced into a marriage with Penelope, in fact, he quite liked the idea and wished he would have thought of it sooner.
Chapter 2: Whistledown is My Voice
Summary:
Penelope discusses her long held secret with Colin.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
While Colin was exceedingly happy with his new situation as a married man, Penelope was exceedingly discontented, for the man whose happiness she had cared most about was now trapped in a loveless marriage, on his part anyway. She was still quite angry with him, but he was the man that she loved, yet loved her not, and had proclaimed to it be so very loudly, hurting Penelope's heart, to a group of at least five eligible men as she had eavesdropped from behind a topiary.
Penelope had not wanted to marry Colin, both for her own pain that he'd given her and for his own welfare, she had protested most resoundingly and even quietly, so their onlookers could not hear, confessed to Colin that she was Lady Whistledown, hoping he would rescind his proposal, for since she wrote the column, she could control the narrative of their unfortunate terrace encounter, as she had dubbed it, but he had only repeated his offer louder, so that Lady Featherington could not miss it and her mother had gleefully forced her to accept his hand, for Penelope had successfully ensnared a highly coveted Bridgerton and would now have their fortune and social standing.
Yet from Whistledown, Penelope needed not their money, for she had her own to remove herself from this situation should that ultimately be her choice. She could cut ties with her family, move and start over fresh somewhere else, but Colin's words had echoed in her mind, I will make up for whatever I have done to fall out of your much desired favor, and in the end, she had relented to marrying him.
She doubted not his ability to win her back over, for he possessed the uncanny knack of effortlessly delighting her simply by being himself. Still, with her romantic inclinations, she had always hoped to marry someone who was desperately in love with her.
Alternatively, however, she found herself hastily married three days later under a special license to the man she'd known and loved for ten years of her life, that had never thought of her in such a way a day in his life. Was it wrong of her to want to be loved and desired as a woman by the man she was now spending the rest of her life with? She thought it not unreasonable, which was where her discontent stemmed from.
The wedding was not at all what Penelope's lovey-dovey mind had envisioned when she had dreamed of it all these years, the only consistency was Colin himself, for he had always been her dream of dreams. She had imagined a large fairytale wedding while she donned a princess worthy gown, where Colin had realized his love for her after courting her and declared himself to her desperately, for he could function not without her a single day more. He brought her small tokens of his esteem or things he knew she would like. His passions were uncontrolled, and he kissed her lovingly, adoringly and dotingly while no one was looking. He stroked her cheek tenderly and spoke the sweetest, most devoted words her ears had ever heard.
What Penelope had instead was a simple and brief ceremony, where she donned a lacy white day dress and carried a single white gardenia, while facing a glowering sister-in-law in Eloise at the unforeseen turn of events of having to welcome a perceived foe to the family, with a very small group of only the Bridgerton family, Lady Danbury, Penelope's mother, sisters and their husbands in attendance. A modest wedding breakfast rounded out the festivities before the freshly married couple departed for their own new home, for somewhere in the two days since their unfortunate terrace encounter Colin had procured them in a home in Bloomsbury.
He had had his things moved in already and Penelope had packed up her trunks for the staff to deliver to their new home after their wedding. Penelope must admit that Colin had chosen a lovely home, with large rooms, wonderful light and a beautiful garden.
Also, to his credit he was giving her space to try to find comfort in their new and unexpected arrangement; he wasn't trying to instantaneously repair their friendship or build something more entirely, he had asked and backed away when she said she did not want to discuss it with him.
Neither had he forced an unwanted or unwelcome first kiss on her at their wedding, instead opting to hug her close and brush his lips to the curls of her hair when they were pronounced married, nor had he come to her later that night, or since, to claim her body as his, as her mother had told her that he would.
Colin had set her up in her own sumptuous bedchamber, they had spoken at length in their drawing room and then he bid her goodnight to head to his own bedchamber across the hall from her. Thus far, they were two people married on paper only, which was precisely what Penelope desired…she thought anyway.
The memory of his hands and lips unwittingly on her bosom had made its way into her thoughts once or twice…at most thrice, but it seemed that Colin had no desire to touch Penelope, just like she had no desire to be touched by him, for she wanted not a touch from someone who wanted not to, and that's how they spent their first fortnight as newlyweds.
She supposed Colin didn't require any children to perpetuate his line, as her mother had told her that he would expect from her. He was a third born, who would be extremely unlikely to inherit a title, he had three other brothers to populate the succession and Anthony already his heir with little Charles. They needn't bother with the intimacies neither wanted.
As it was, they broke their fast together in the mornings, spoke briefly about their respective upcoming day, parted until dinner, read or had an occasional chat in the drawing room after dining together, then went to their separate bedchambers for the night.
The first night, their wedding night, with just the two of them had been most strange; they had been alone many times before, as Colin had never cared much for rules and propriety when it came to someone he had known as long as he had Penelope, but they'd always toed an edge of acceptability because anyone could walk in at any moment, but now they were in their own home, Penelope was with her husband, and they could close the doors for as long as they wanted, do anything they wanted and speak on any topic they wished, with no impropriety taking place and no one to walk in unexpectedly.
They had not the opportunity to discuss her Whistledown revelation before they married, as they were constantly chaperoned after the unfortunate terrace incident, so Colin, with great interest, used this first chance to hear more about her writings.
"How did you come to start your column, Pen?" Colin asked.
"I had no voice, no one heard me, no one saw me and my thoughts mattered not. In my house I was invisible, which honestly at times could be preferable. I am oft marginalized or forgotten entirely. But everyone listens to Lady Whistledown, she is the voice that I lacked." Penelope replied.
"I very much hope I never made you feel as such, Pen. Your thoughts take priority over my own." Colin said sincerely.
Only once had Colin ever made her feel less than and she was still harboring her hurt and resentment over it, so she made no remark to confirm or deny his implied question, but he was becoming used to her silence or brief responses and forged ahead with the conversation.
"How is it that you accomplish such a thing as getting your columns out?" He inquired curiously.
"To remain hidden and anonymous, I sneak about under the dark of night and travel via hired hacks to convey me to my publisher downtown." Penelope shared.
"I do not care for that, Penelope, and I do not like to hear that's what you have been doing for years." Colin said worriedly.
"You will prevent me not from my writing." Penelope replied, ready to argue with him.
"I would not prevent you, nor would I ask you to stop, but I will ask you to stop moving about the city without someone to protect you, for it is dangerous. As your husband I am entrusted to ensure your safety and comfort, lest it be said that any Bridgerton man is mistreating or jeopardizing their wife. Our new home will allow you easier access to your publisher and if you will simply tell me when you wish to drop off a new column I will escort you myself, regardless of the hour, to see to your protection. Please agree to this, Pen." Colin said.
That remark had inordinately pleased Penelope and she nodded her consent. He would let her continue with her column and he wanted to ferry her about as her bodyguard, for that meant Colin cared, at least a little bit, about her despite his claim to his horrid friends.
"I would imagine that you have earned quite the tidy sum from your columns, publishing them these three years. What have you done with your earnings?" Colin asked.
"They were stored beneath my floorboards, for I could spend them not without arousing any suspicions on how a Featherington came to be in possession of such an amount, but now they are tucked away in a trunk until I find a safe place within our own home to hide them away." Penelope replied.
"Well, you are a Featherington no more, you are Penelope Bridgerton now and no one would question your source of increasingly ample funds. Perhaps you will allow me to open a bank account for you to securely store them somewhere safer than under a loose board, we'll ensure they're protected and only you have access for withdrawals, but you, of course, have access to our accounts for your needs, wants, desires and the running of our household. Use not your own funds for that."
She softened a bit more with that, for the man that she had always adored was still in there somewhere, despite his cruel words. Penelope had preened under that offer, for it was nigh unheard of for the husband to allow the wife her own accounts without his control but leave it to Colin, with his four beloved sisters, to know that a woman was more than capable of handling money, and she readily agreed to his offer.
"Why did you write of Eloise last year?"
"The queen thought her to be Whistledown and I could not let the Bridgertons fall on my behalf. I wrote of her to make it clear that she was not the author, but a victim of the author and shared what would be quickly forgotten and not wholly bad. It simply felt worse at the time as the column, mistakenly, was published a day early and no one attended the Bridgerton Ball because of it, but still the ton had moved on by the following week." Penelope replied.
"Is this why you and Eloise are no longer speaking?" Colin asked.
Penelope nodded. "I told her not, but she found out and was furious with me for hiding it from her."
"Why did you tell me?" Colin inquired curiously.
"I assumed that you would also be furious with me, and it would dissuade you from our marrying." Penelope shrugged.
"Indeed, you are mistaken, for it is the opposite and I am quite proud of you. It takes a reserve of bravery and fortitude to do what you have done. When I think upon the wittiness of your letters and how incredibly well written they were, I feel shame for not guessing you to be Whistledown myself."
With that remark he had put another chink in her carefully constructed armor, just as he always managed to, simply by being the genuine man that he naturally was.
He seemed satisfied on his questions and answers pertaining to Lady Whistledown and attempted to change topics on her, which is where she immediately shut down on him.
"Pen, I know I have disappointed you greatly in a way that makes you reluctant to share with me and in a way that makes you distrust me, and for that I have no greater regret. Would you share with me now?" He asked softly.
"No, Colin. I do not wish to discuss it now." Penelope replied, shaking her head vehemently.
"I am ready to listen whenever you are ready to share my inadvertent betrayal so that I can start making reparations with you. Thank you for sharing with me about Whistledown. I have promised you respect, care and safety, you may also be assured of my confidence as well, for we are a family now. Have you anything that you'd like to ask me?" Colin offered.
Penelope had a million and one thoughts running through her mind from past week, but she was spent and still not ready return to their former deep and intimate friendship.
"No, Colin." She said with another shake of her head.
It was the first time she'd used his given name since Featherington Ball and Colin noticed at once, feeling as if something had been accomplished with this evening's chat.
"I am quite an open book should you think of anything. I wish for nothing more than our honest communication, as we have always had and to restore our bond, Pen."
"Perhaps someday." Penelope allowed.
"Then I shall take that. Might I share my wedding gift to you now?" Colin asked.
Penelope eyed him warily but nodded.
"I will take you away to Paris in but a fortnight, with your own lodgings of course. You'll love it I'm sure, for I often thought so while there. The art, the food, the architecture are all utterly splendid."
"That sounds wonderful and quite exciting." Penelope replied enthusiastically, more so than she had been in days with him and he was very happy that he had pleased her.
"Well, I will let you rest, for all that has happened today, indeed, all that has happened this week has left you fatigued, I'm sure. I know this is the last thing you wanted, but I assure you, Penelope, there is no one I would have preferred to accidentally compromise and hastily marry under duress than you. Good night, new wife." Colin picked up her hand and squeezed it affectionately, leaving her alone in the drawing room to ponder the total outlandishness of how she had come to be Mrs. Colin Bridgerton. Surely, the universe had a sense of humor.
Notes:
Thank you for the bookmarks, kudos and your comments! I really appreciate them! They make my day!
Chapter 3: A Bridgerton Brothers Chat
Summary:
Colin visits Bridgerton House for a chat with Anthony and Benedict.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"What do you mean you have done nothing with your wife? Not even a kiss? I know there was not one at the wedding, but not even since?" Anthony asked in shocked disbelief. "How is that possible?"
"I am a gentleman." Colin replied, shifting uncomfortably and feeling his cheeks heat under Anthony and Benedict's scrutiny.
The brothers sat in the game room at Bridgerton House around a card table in the middle of the afternoon as they drank brandy and spoke, for Colin, perhaps stupidly on his part, had come to them for advice.
Anthony was married to Kate now, but he had raked his way through the ladies before settling down and Benedict was still having nightly debaucheries with multiple ladies. They were the perfect resources for his plight and his following questions.
It was much more difficult living with Penelope than he ever could have anticipated. As expected, she was always present, and she was always close, which Colin minded not, for he loved being able to speak with her whenever he liked; she was his favorite person to converse with.
What was unexpectedly challenging was seeing Penelope as…Penelope, just as she was, without the projected facade that society demanded. It was decidedly a special privilege seeing her so open, and he somehow found her even more endearing than ever. She was even-tempered, funny, sweet and quite caring.
However, it was the various states of uninhibitedness he kept finding her in that was most disarming. It was their home, so of course she was much more relaxed than he had ever had occasion to see her; but now he had seen her wearing her flowing, nearly sheer peignoir, and her hair rippling free and unadorned, he'd seen her dainty uncovered feet as she puttered about, she had abandoned her gloves while inside so he could see how minute and delicate her fingers were…he'd even seen her ankles…yes both of them, as she raised her foot to the settee to investigate a toe she had stubbed on the baseboards.
It was all quite overwhelming.
He had proclaimed to be a gentleman, but damned if it wasn't hard to remain one when she was exposing such sensual body parts to him or when Penelope's bare hand brushed against his exposed forearm, wrist or fingers, and she gazed up at him with her azure eyes wide, with her curls spilling over her shoulders and her breasts thinly veiled by her gossamer dressing gown.
Then he was hit with urges heretofore unexperienced. Her smallest look or touch caused stirrings, both to his mind, which hummed, and his body, which prickled.
Benedict's chortle pulled him back to the topic at hand, but it seemed his brothers first needed to goad him incessantly over his new situation.
"You are a gentleman? She is your wife, Brother. It is…sanctioned and has been for nearly a month. You may now have your way with her in the eyes of all." Benedict said with a smile, as he refilled everyone's glasses with the amber liquid from the crystal decanter resting in the middle of the table. "Besides, that is how you came to be in this marriage, is not it? You could control yourself not and grasped her generous…I suppose she is my own sister now, so respectfully, of course… her more than generous charms, and kissed said charms on the terrace for all to see?"
"That is not what happened at all, as you very well know, for I would never compromise anyone in such a manner, let alone someone as dear to me as Penelope! I did it not on purpose, she moved forward as I tripped, and I tried to catch myself." Colin said for at least the dozenth time to the same two people.
Anthony had not been happy about yet another Bridgerton requiring a special license and needing to wed posthaste and Colin had had to defend himself most arduously, though Anthony seemed ready to laugh about it now.
"The likelihood of that occurring sounds highly suspect, Col, for the required timing alone is inconceivable." Benedict laughed as Anthony joined in.
"And did we teach you nothing? Trying to catch oneself in a gently bred lady's bosom is never a good idea, Brother. Especially in front of their mother….and our mother." Anthony ribbed. "It's almost as if it were done on purpose to make her Miss Featherington no more and give you your Mrs. Bridgerton instead."
Colin rolled his eyes at them, for his brothers liked to taunt him that he had done this all on purpose to make Penelope his and remove her from the marriage mart as an option for any other man. He grumbled incoherently which only made them laugh harder that they were beleaguering him so.
"Well, you two will be of no help I see, so I will see myself out and bid you good day." Colin said plaintively and shifted in his seat to stand but was stayed by Anthony's hand on his arm.
"Sit down, Brother. You know we only tease and care for naught but your welfare and that of your bride." Anthony ordered him.
Colin sank back into his chair and resisted the urge to cross his arms defensively, for he knew their judgement would only increase as the conversation went on.
"How has it come to be that you have had no intimacies with your wife of nearly a month?" Anthony asked.
"Penelope was forced into a marriage that she wanted not, and protested quite vociferously, and she is, and has always been, a very cherished friend to me. I wish to let her adjust to our new life and not make her uncomfortable in her new home nor around me. I know not what expectations she has come into this marriage with but thus far she seems content with our arrangement." Colin said. "We leave in but three days on our honeymoon, and I have ensured she will have her own lodging on the ship and the inns we will inhabit but I travel not with my valet and Penelope has forgone a maid. We are about to spend all day together without interruption for nearly two months and anything could happen I suppose. She may have new assumptions of me in such an environment as a honeymoon."
"Well, I'd say so, Brother. That is notoriously the purpose of such a trip." Anthony said. "Kate and I were at it like…"
"And for clarity, you have not kissed Penelope either?" Benedict asked, interrupting Anthony.
"No. I have embraced her, brushed my lips to her hair or clasped her hand in mine." Colin admitted.
"But you have had relations with other ladies, have you not, Brother?" Anthony inquired with raised eyebrows, Benedict mirroring his incredulous look.
Their father had died when Colin was so young that his mother had been his role model, and the parent he was closet to throughout some of his most formative years. He'd grown up closer in age to Daphne and Eloise and they had been his friends and playmates when he was but a boy. He felt he was one of the few men that realized what fully capable, smart and deserving of respect ladies were and that they were more than a warm body to please unworthy men or a vessel to supply an heir.
Colin looked down disconcerted, feeling as if his brothers were adversely judging him for not raking about the ton, nor the continent, as they had, but he had always been a romantic sort and had wanted his activities to be reserved for the one he had deemed special enough to marry, wishing his intimacies to hold special meaning and share himself with only his love, that he had presumed would also love him. He had never expected to wed in such a manner as he had.
"Be not embarrassed, Col. It may not be the path that Anthony nor I took, but your approach has a gentle sweetness to it that we could never possess, and everyone approaches it differently." Benedict comforted him.
Colin felt Benedict was placating him, for he frequented the same clubs as Anthony and Benedict, and heard the men bragging of their frequent conquests, so he knew that statement could not be true. He started to say as such, but Anthony jumped in as he realized why Colin was there…kind of.
"You plan to seduce your wife on your honeymoon!" Anthony cried with much excitement for the topic at hand.
"I have no plan to do anything of the sort. I simply wish to be prepared should anything arise." Colin said.
"Well suffice it to say that you and Penelope will be learning together, for it is nearly certain she knows nothing about the act. Genteel ladies are told little heading into marriage."
Of course, Benedict would say that, for he knew not that Colin had married Lady Whistledown herself, who wrote about such scandals as intrigues, seductions and infidelities thrice weekly.
"We had this talk already, Colin, about ten years ago now. I, quite expertly, gave it to you myself." Anthony laughed.
When Colin was thirteen Anthony had set him down and explained the birds and the bees and the basics of what went where and what needed to happen in order to procreate. That did not fulfill his requirement on what he needed to know now.
"That's hardly the same thing, Brother. I know all that, of course. I only want to ensure that Penelope…enjoys herself should we find ourselves in such a situation, and I trust that you gave me not that much detail as naught but a lad."
"Ahh, so this is a visit on how to please a lady, is it not?" Anthony asked gleefully, as if eager to share all his knowledge.
"I hardly wish to disappoint the woman I am to spend the rest of my life with, now do I?" Colin said with impatience.
"I rather think that not possible with your Penelope, Brother. Your very existence pleases her I should think." Benedict replied with a small smile.
"What can you mean by that, Benedict?" Colin inquired curiously but received not an answer as Anthony directed Benedict away.
"Go get your charcoals and sketchbook, Benedict." Anthony said, waving him from the room.
"Why should Benedict need his charcoals, Brother?" Colin asked.
"We have a fine artist in our midst. You shall have the finest instruction available via me, accompanied by exact drawings with what exactly you will be dealing with via Benedict, lest it be said that a Bridgerton be less than completely exceptional." Anthony answered.
Benedict drew an anatomically correct sketch of a woman, then another sketch of only a detailed pair of breasts and a third sketch of a woman's core and bud. The following half hour was a sea of directions, with spirited educational pointing's at the drawings, from both Anthony and Benedict where Colin's head moved between them as if he were watching two children bounce a rubber ball betwixt themselves, and it seemed as if they were starting at the top and working their way down. For all they threw at him he rather wondered if he should be writing any of this down so he would forget nothing.
"Take it slow and steady."
"Unless it's not a slow and steady kind of time. Sometimes it will be fast and desperate."
"Be gentle, yet firm."
"Unless she tells you not to."
"Run your fingers through her hair."
"Cup her cheek or the back of her neck."
"A tug on her bottom lip with your own will surely drive her mad."
"Work your way from her lips to the line of her jaw, then to her ear."
"Their ears are quite responsive to your teeth or a tongue, or even an indecorous whisper so that your breath blows across her."
"Nuzzle her neck with your nose and lips."
"Nibble on her collarbone, then across her shoulders."
"Kiss across the top of her bosom…though you've already done that, so you could marry her yourself."
"With breasts that large she's sure to have incredibly sensitive nipples. Give them a stroke with your fingers or pull them into your mouth to suck and lick them."
"Kiss your way down her stomach."
"Skip her center for now, you'll go back to it later."
"Kiss her thighs, until you're almost at her heat then teasingly move down to her knees and ankles."
"She'll beg you to return to her center!"
"That's when you have a choice to make, Brother. You can do as she bids or start your seduction all over."
"If you are ready to give your attention to her core than you're going to want to put some focus here."
"You can also stimulate in her in multiple areas at the same time. While your lips are here, you can stroke her here."
"Use everything you have…"
"Fingers…"
"Lips…"
"Tongue…"
"Teeth, though gently."
"Unless she tells you otherwise."
"Your big toe."
"What?"
"What?"
"No."
"The head of your…"
"But do that only when you're ready to take her."
"You also want to use your tongue here…"
"And your fingers again. Two, sometimes three. Deeply."
"Make her come before you take her."
"For her wellbeing, you are going to want her really wet your first time."
"Anytime really."
"You will know if she's ready to take you by how wet she is here."
"Focus her attentions away from any discomfort when you take her by kissing her…"
"Or sucking her nipples once more."
"When you two work your experience up you can try different positions."
"Spin her around…"
"Put her atop you…"
"Put her atop you and spin her around…"
"On a chair is always a blissful experience…"
"The wall if you're sturdy enough, I daresay you are."
"Questions, Brother?"
With everything they had just given him he was sure he had dozens, but he only blinked as he tried to focus on any one thing.
"How do you know if you are pleasing her?" Colin asked.
"Listen to her, Brother. Her noises will tell you with a cry, moan or sigh." Benedict said.
"Or all of them at once. The more sounds you pull from her the more rapture she is receiving." Anthony jumped in.
"What if she is a silent woman?" Colin asked.
"Then you are in the wrong place, time to try again. If you are doing it right, I've never been with a single woman who will stay totally silent." Anthony said.
"Agreed." Benedict added, nodding his head.
"How do you know when she is…satisfied?" Colin asked.
"Again, by listening to her. Her breathing will change, she will make sounds that are unmistakable, and if you are in her you will feel her clenching around you. As she becomes easier with you as a lover, she may even tell you." Benedict said.
"She is your wife, and as one who also has a wife, I can tell you that you are going to have some lovely afterglow to bask in. You'll cuddle with her, hold her close, lightly kiss some more, stroke her hair and whisper tenderly to her your words of love and devotion."
"Say not you love her unless you mean it, Brother." Benedict cautioned. "She will be content with your cuddles, strokes and words of praise and devotion. Only when you realize you love Penelope speak it to her, but not before."
It was a cryptically worded warning, the second one Benedict had given, but with all information whirling about in his head he questioned it not.
He left Bridgerton House feeling more secure that he now had the knowledge how to please Penelope, should it come up on their honeymoon or later.
Like all timing regarding his marriage to Penelope, he supposed their chat was fortuitously arranged on his part, for the very next day he had surprisingly kissed her in their study.
Colin Bridgerton had kissed Penelope, and he rather thought he would never be the same afterwards, for she had awaken a dormant passion with the soft touch of her lips to his, the smallest of sighs given, a gentle stroke to his hair and the trailing of a single fingernail down his cheek.
Colin was absolutely certain he was lost to Penelope from that point forward.
Notes:
This author will confirm, that it was indeed, Benedict who made the big toe comment
Thank you very much for your bookmarks, kudos and comments! I appreciate you taking the time!
Chapter 4: Penelope's Musings
Summary:
Penelope reviews the highs and lows of her first month as a married woman and preps for their rapidly approaching journey.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Dearest Gentle Reader,
They say that if you have not time for a break, then it is certainly time for one. For three years this column has unfailingly provided you with the happenings in our fair ton, which means that for three years this author has had no respite from your ongoing shenanigans.
That recess will be taken now, but rest assured this author will still be ever present to observe from afar instead, always watching what you think is not seen, always listening to what you think is not heard, and it will never be known when the return will happen. This is your reprieve, for I still know all, I will simply keep it to myself until you have done something that forces me to share. Act accordingly, for you would not wish it to be your action or story that is featured in the next issue.
Yours,
Lady Whistledown
With Colin and Penelope's trip to France the day after tomorrow she had needed a way to excuse herself from not publishing while she was gone, a problem she'd not had to face yet since she began writing.
Colin was brining on entirely new challenges that she had yet to face in both her private and her professional life. Some changes were most welcome, such as their rapidly approaching travel, which she was quite eager for. Some affairs exciting, such as Colin taking such interest in her writings as Lady Whistledown, which had been wholly unanticipated.
Some issues were dispiriting, such as a forced loveless marriage, which left her feeling wistful and forsaken.
Lastly, some were naught but perplexing, such as when Colin had unexpectedly kissed her, which caused her pulse to skitter wildly and her to become lost in thought often since it had happened.
Yes, Penelope Bridgerton had been kissed by her husband, after nearly a month of marriage, but she'd have to circle back to that extemporaneous development, for their journey was at the forefront and took precedence at the moment.
Colin was referring to it as a honeymoon, but Penelope, with her romantic nature, had always thought a honeymoon for those who were in love and were going away to be alone to express that love for as long and as often as they could in their time away, which, if the past month had taught her anything, was certainly not applicable to them.
They were but two friends traveling together to the same destination as one oversaw the trip, hence when she spoke of it, she said journey or travels. It simply allowed her the appropriate expectations, for he would have his room, she would have hers and they would explore the villages and architecture together during the day and head their separate directions in the evening; just as they did at home. Traveling as friends instead of lovers made her no less excited for the opportunity to see another country, for she'd never been anywhere further than Aubrey Hall.
The letters Colin had sent her from Paris had been so beautifully detailed she had nearly been able to imagine the places herself. He had given her such assurance that she would love its beauty, and she doubted it not, for he knew her well. She relished the knowledge that he was granting her the ability see such locations in person and experience it firsthand. She was quite sure she would have ample prospects at travel now, for he'd already mentioned planning another journey for early next year, and she rather thought there was no one better to travel with than he, as he had done so often enough to make him a great proficient. He knew how to plan, where to go and who to talk to, she'd be perfectly safe with him wherever they may go, for he always kept her near him when they were out and about.
Colin had advised her what to pack to ensure her comfort, both during the ship travel and what would be needed for their promenades about villages and sites, and Penelope listened carefully as this was his area of expertise, and she was excited to enjoy her first trip a greater distance than a country home.
Colin had shared that the ships could be quite drafty at night and to ensure she brought several blankets and any extra pillows, as even in her upgraded accommodations that he had booked for her, they would only provide one pillow on each side for the bed and no more. Penelope hated being cold, particularly when she was trying to sleep and had ended up with one trunk of naught but blankets, pillows and her warmest pelisses, because she already tended toward a chilly disposition as it was.
He had also advised her to bring comfortable boots and slippers as he wanted to show her all the best spots and they would be walking a great deal and to bring a bag she could carry during the day to hold any purchases she wanted to make.
He may not want her as a man desires a woman, as was apparent by his still nightly withdrawals to his own bedchamber, but Colin was thus far providing Penelope a life that she likely would not have had without marrying him and would now travel to places she had only ever read about. She would simply content herself to living without having been kissed nor claimed.
Such was her life. No love, no romance, no passions; that was for other ladies, for she inspired them not in her husband, but at least she could claim they had friendship. She supposed her lot could be much worse. Many women were forced into marriages with men they detested, whom they could never hope to love, who treated them terribly and made them do reprehensible things despite any lack of affections.
Penelope thought she was quite lucky in that regard, for Colin would never; he at least was kind, liked her as a person and respected her as a woman. They had mutual friendly affection and adoration for one another and always had.
Remarkably, she could, in fact, claim thus far marriage was quite fun. She was at her leisure during her days to do whatever she pleased, which she spent organizing their new home, taking an occasional shopping trip, reading or writing a little side novel she had started toying with; a tale of love that allowed her to live vicariously through her characters, who had all the desperate love for each other that she had always desired.
Colin would return from wherever he had been about town by early evening, and they would spend their time together chatting and laughing as they had before the night of the Featherington Ball. They had even started reading a book together to pass the time away after supper if they had no engagement to keep; he possessed such a strong, clear reading voice that she adored listening to and would do character voices for that made her giggle.
At the rate they were going though it would take them some time to finish their book, for as newlyweds they had received more invitations than ever before to soirees and dinners, members of the ton were quite keen to host them. They were invited to functions and by families where, as Penelope Featherington, she had been not invited; these new invites allowed her to collect even more information for her column.
Colin had even taken to listening in on discussions for her as well and bringing her pieces of gossip to make sure she had heard them, his Lord Whistledown to her Lady, as it were.
He seemed to be so supportive when it came to Whistledown that he had promised to turn one of the rooms in their home into her own study specifically for her writings, for when they would return home from their social tête-à-tête, she would pen her column in his study, and he would watch her with great interest as she scribbled away with her quill or when she stared off searching for the right turn of phrase. He proclaimed himself quite amazed at her lack of editing and drafts required, the right thought seemed to flow out from the very first. She had reveled in his effusive praise as she so rarely received it in general, let alone for something she had kept secret for so long. She may overhear an occasional complimentary comment from a member of society in passing but never from someone whose opinion she valued as dearly as Colin's.
As promised, he was escorting her to her publisher, regardless of the late hour she may finish her writings, and she quite thought he was enjoying that as well, for it turned out their home was merely blocks from the publishing house. Penelope would don the uniform of a housemaid, Colin would wear a valet's uniform, and they looked to be but household staff members on a late night mission for their employer. Colin would take her arm and guide her along the empty streets, then stand to the side watching while she transacted her business with the printer before he escorted her back home. As they walked, he heaped even more commendation on her for her negotiations or her care for the delivery boys receiving a fair wage.
He looked to be having quite the time and seemed very proud of her, which was a special feeling she had never experienced before. No one had ever been proud of her anything… until her mama became so as Penelope captured a Bridgerton, but that was hardly a personal accomplishment.
Colin had also opened the bank account for her that he had mentioned and was depositing her funds for her, though she had needed not any resources from it. He was generous with his money, calling it their money, and allowed her what purchases struck her fancy, restricting her not, though she tried not to overdo it, buying only four new dresses from the modiste, a pair of slippers and a bonnet from the milliners for their journey.
Truly marriage to Colin, had been nowhere as awful as she had expected when his words to his friends had played over and over in her mind in the days that led up to their hasty union. They had settled into a regime that seemed to suit them both for their unique situation.
A few times a week he still asked about what he had said to earn her ire over the off-season, for he still wanted to apologize for it, which she appreciated that he still cared to try to repair the rift, but thus far she was still refusing to tell him. Her considerable softening had made it easier to bear, for just as suspected, Colin's natural sweet attentive nature had driven her to inevitably warm to him once more, regardless of what he had said and the fact that she still held it somewhat close to her heart, especially since it appeared that he wanted not to take her body as his wife, so there must be truth behind what he had spoken.
The more time that passed since it happened, and the longer they were married, the more tempted she was to share with him. Perhaps next time he asked she would relent and share with him, for after five months it very well may be time.
Now when she thought about it, his words the eve of the Featherington Ball had made his kiss even more unexpected and contradictory, which is where her utter bewilderment had entered. After a month of zero indication of having interest in doing so, Colin had suddenly kissed her, and it was quite possibly the most spectacular moment of her life.
Penelope had looked over her column before setting it down with satisfaction while Colin had been hovering over her watching her write, and when she had finished, she stood but he was closer than she thought and she bumped into his person, yet she realized not how sturdy he was, and he had knocked her off balance. His arms had caught her round the waist, her back pressed into his chest, and he righted her once more before he let her go with an apology for causing the mishap, but she had dropped her quill in the kerfuffle and they both realized it had fallen at the same time.
Each bent to retrieve it, and their bare hands brushed against each other with a sparked current passing between them. Penelope had hastily pulled away and stood upright to let Colin fetch it, but when he rose, he was in her personal space and towering over her so all that she could manage to do was stare up at him wide-eyed that he was so close.
He tried handing her the quill but once again their hands brushed against the other's and without warning Colin had dropped the pen to the floor and hauled her into his strong arms as her hands crept up to rest on his chest, near his heart. His firm lips brushed against hers once, twice, thrice and a fourth time until he lowered his hands to her hips, and he held her so close to him that the dropped quill could not even have fit between their bodies, the hard muscles of his body pressing into the softness of hers.
Colin then moved one hand to her jaw to cup her face as he held her still and changed the gentle brushing of his lips to a full-on caress of his lips instead, stealing the very air from her lungs when she sighed, and she raised her own hand to touch her fingertips to the velvety wave of his chestnut hair and to trail down his cheek. Her nerves had gone alight, she became light-headed, her stomach had swooped, and her heart had fluttered as he kissed her soundly, possessively.
Then he had seemed to realize himself and released her hastily. She looked at him dazedly and she could read not the expression on his face. She could not tell if he was horrified or if he enjoyed it and his following words gave no indication in either direction.
"Come, Pen. Let's get this column to your printer. I will go change into my valet uniform and meet you back here in quarter of an hour."
He had not come to her bedchamber later that night for anything more and the kiss had not been addressed since it happened, nor had he attempted another. So, she knew not what to think.
She certainly would have not protested if he had come to her, for kissing Colin was everything she had dreamed it would be, probably even better for he was real flesh and blood, and everything had been so…warm. His body radiated warmth, his lips were warm, and his hands were warm upon her, which left her to ponder, how did one tempt their husband?
Notes:
Thank you for your bookmarks, kudos and comments! I appreciate you!
Chapter 5: The Conspiring Fates
Summary:
The fates seem to be conspiring against Colin and Penelope as a cabin reservation is lost and a trunk is dropped in the sea. Penelope reveals her overheard conversation at Featherington Ball
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
In yet another way the universe seemed to be conspiring against Colin and Penelope, it seemed the ship had lost the booking to one of their reserved rooms, and one of their trunks was now part of the North Sea, for their staff had been carrying it aboard and lost their grip, naught but helpless to watch it topple through the ropes of the gangplank. All their trunks were from a coordinated set so they could not even know what articles had been lost, but Colin assured her everything could be replaced at the first port they stopped in, so Penelope marginally relaxed about its loss.
Their staff stood with their trunks, other travelers who had already checked in milled around, ship employees ran about as they tried to clear the space, and Colin was raising his voice in distress to the harrowed looking man who was desperately searching his books for something he may have missed. Penelope had only seen Colin calm and polite before, never in such a state that he seemed to be working his way into.
Penelope wrongly assumed that he was upset at the thought of having to share a room with her, when it was more that he was worried that Penelope would refuse to travel without her own room, and he was trying frantically to fix the situation.
"What do you mean you have only one room booked for Bridgerton? There should be two. It was confirmed by me, in person, but three days ago, by the staff member who stood in this very spot, that we had two rooms." Colin asked in disbelief.
Colin could feel Penelope stiffening uncomfortably beside him as she listened in, assuming the prospect of having to share a room with him was the cause, when in actuality she was embarrassed that Colin was quite near making a scene and people had started to stare at them.
"Mr. Bridgerton, I cannot apologize for this enough. We had an incompetent member of our staff, who is no longer with us I assure you, but must have looked at the book incorrectly and you have not been charged for the second cabin." The man gulped nervously.
"Can I pay for that passage now?" Colin asked, becoming increasingly distressed and loud.
"I'm afraid we are all full up now, sir." The man said apologetically.
If possible, Colin felt Penelope tensing even more and her fingers tightened their hold on his arm.
Colin leaned down to him and said, "This is our honeymoon trip, surely there is something you can do. She has been looking forward to this. I cannot reschedule."
"Many congratulations, sir. Perhaps you and your wife could share the..."
Colin cut him off to say, "My wife needs her privacy."
Penelope was so uneasy with Colin's disgruntlement she felt the need to cut into the conversation.
"Colin." Penelope said, placing her other hand on top of his arm, calming his agitation immediately and he looked into her sky-blue eyes before she turned her attention to the beleaguered employee. "It is not this gentleman's fault, and he is but trying his best. I'm sorry, sir, what was your name?"
"Mr. Lightning, Mrs. Bridgerton."
"Mr. Lightning, we return on this day in September. Can you confirm that you have two rooms booked for us then?" Penelope asked kindly.
"Yes, ma'am, I do see that and can confirm two rooms for Mr. and Mrs. Bridgerton." He answered, relaxing under Penelope's softer approach.
"And our voyage for this leg is for three weeks, yes?" Penelope asked.
"At maximum, for if the winds are in your favor, it could be faster."
"Can you describe the room we have on this passage for me, please?" Penelope asked.
"The upgraded accommodation boasts the bed, certainly large enough for two, with a night table on each side. A sofa that holds two, one winged back chair, an escritoire with a stool, a privacy screen, a wardrobe and a small dining table with two chairs."
Penelope turned back to Colin and spoke lowly enough that only he could hear her as she placed her hand back on his forearm soothingly and stroked him absentmindedly.
"Colin, surely you can share with me for such a short duration? I am quite tidy and will annoy you not. You had planned to only be in the rooms for sleeping anyways. I can sleep on the sofa or the chair he mentioned, while you take the bed. It is only for a few weeks."
Colin had a difficult time focusing on what she was saying as his attention was concentrated on the touch of her hand, and the warm burning she was creating where it brushed softly on his arm.
He pulled himself back to the present and his cobalt eyes got lost in hers momentarily before his gaze drifted down to the plump pinkness of her lips and he nodded, not knowing what he had agreed to.
Penelope nodded back to him resolutely and turned away from him to speak to the staff member again, breaking her spell over him.
"My husband and I will share the room you have booked for us during this passage and keep our two rooms for our return, please."
Colin looked at her in surprise, for was that what he just agreed to? Penelope was willing to share her bed with him?
"Very good, Mrs. Bridgerton. And again, I cannot apologize enough for this."
"It is your fault not. Thank you for your assistance."
They were taken to their room through winding corridors and up rickety staircases with their staff following with their trunks as Colin held her hand to keep her steady with the gentle rocking of the waves.
Once inside their room Penelope looked around while their men set their trunks around the perimeter and returned to their carriage for their second round of trunks.
It was more crowded than she had anticipated but it was pleasant enough. Everything was bolted in place, which she had thought not about but Colin told her it was to keep it in place during rough passages and storms. The bedding was a dark blue and matched the sofa and the chair. The room was dark in general, with the color palette that had been selected, the deep color of the ship's wood and the dark wood of the furniture and there was only one small window letting in any daylight, but once candles were lit it would help.
"The washrooms are up the hall." Colin said for no other reason than to fill the awkward silence after the staff dismissed themselves and bid them a safe trip.
When they were alone Penelope gazed at him with a shrug of her shoulders and easily said, "I should think this was bound to happen sooner or later; we would have found ourselves in this position anyway where we are forced to share a room. Perhaps even when next we are at Aubrey Hall, your own mother may well have done it, for she is the greatest believer in the love match. Daphne and Simon and Anthony and Kate room together for the duration their visits. Your mother would naturally have paired us together, not knowing that we do not…well this will save you an awkward conversation with her later, for we will know how to navigate and become accustomed to rooming with one another without your family's scrutiny. And look at this, it is as if the sofa were perfectly sized for me, and you will take the bed."
His previous excitement dissipated when he realized he was incorrect, that she was not offering to share the bed with him, and disappointment flooded him instead.
"Be not ridiculous, Penelope. You are the lady so you should have the bed."
"It will be fine; I'll take the sofa." Penelope assured him.
"Pen, you cannot sleep on the sofa!" Colin protested. "I will take it, and you shall have the bed."
"Now it is you who is being preposterous. You could never fit on this to sleep, for you are much too tall and…" Penelope stopped, gesturing up and down his body as she searched for the right word. "Broad and muscled. I am much more appropriately sized for this sofa and will have not a problem sleeping there upon my side."
She was right of course, but he didn't like it. He felt like a louse to be enjoying a soft, comfortable bed while his wife slept on a small sofa ten feet away, yet he had no choice but to relent, for even on his side he would not have fit.
"Good, thank you, Colin." She said, taking his lack of response as his acquiescence. "Now, our second issue is the trunk that has become a new home or decoration for the fish of the North Sea. Shall we see which it was?"
They started opening various trunks, sharing what they had found until they discovered which trunk it was that had been lost.
"It is my night things." Penelope said with chagrin.
Because of course it would be that trunk, so not only was he sharing a room with his highly desirable wife, now she was to be naked at night ten feet from a bed. He swallowed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the fates that seemed to have it out for him.
The word naked itself brought up fresh panic and a new issue within Colin that he had not considered until now, with their unforeseen accommodations.
"Perhaps I can borrow one of your nightshirts until we reach the next port?" Penelope asked.
"Erm, Pen?" Colin began nervously.
"I know, it will be too long, but I will ensure that I walk carefully in it so it is ruined not."
"No, it's not that." He replied quickly.
Penelope raised her eyebrows in question.
"I sleep not in a nightshirt." He said sheepishly.
"What do you wear?" Penelope asked curiously.
It was Colin's turn to stare at Penelope with raised eyebrows. It took her but a moment to catch his meaning and she blushed as she averted her eyes from his gaze.
"Well, that will not work for this leg of the journey now will it. You'll have to sleep in your breeches and shirt."
"I cannot sleep in a shirt, it becomes too twisted and traps my arms, waking me to a feeling of apprehension." Colin replied, continuing to look apologetic.
"And I cannot sleep in my stays and a day dress, so maybe you could lend me your button-down shirt from the day while you sleep in your breeches. I know this is ideal not, Colin and that you would prefer to be away from me, but we'll have to make the best of this situation. We are two mature, married adults. I will avert my eyes, and you will avert yours; we will remain covered by our blankets until it is time to dress for the following day so that everyone's modesty remains intact.
"Fine, agreed. How are you feeling, Pen? Are you managing with the rocking of the boat?" Colin asked.
"I feel alright."
"If you find yourself feeling ill let me know, I've brought some ginger biscuits with me should you need them until you develop your sea legs." Colin said.
"Thank you, that is quite kind."
"Come, let's go topside to watch the ship depart and look around."
Colin rather thought the more time they spent out of their room, the safer Penelope would be from another unwanted onslaught from him.
They spent the remainder of the day wandering about, exploring their new home for the next few weeks. He taught her how to play chess and they played a few games, they ate supper in a very crowded and noisy dining hall, then he brought her topside again to continue walking the ships perimeter until Penelope was yawning and leaning heavily on his arm from fatigue and he could not put off returning to their bedchamber any longer without being accused of atrocities to one's wife.
When they returned to their candlelit cabin Penelope started pulling extra blankets and pillows from the trunk, placing two heavy blankets and a fluffy feather pillow on her sofa and an extra blanket on the bed for Colin as he ducked behind the privacy screen to remove everything but his breeches.
"Now remember, you've promised to avert your gaze." Colin called from behind the screen.
"Of course, I will. We can certainly manage this." Penelope agreed.
He stepped out holding up his shirt to her and Penelope nearly choked on the breath of air she had just gasped in. She had had no idea what lay underneath his jackets and waistcoats, though she'd been pressed up against him often enough over the years, but nothing would have prepared her for seeing his entire well-muscled chest and strong arms exposed to her. He looked like a statue created from marble.
"My eyes are up here, Penelope." Colin said tensely.
So help him, if she did not stop looking at him with absolute fascination he would not be held responsible for his actions when he grabbed her and kissed her once more.
"Deep blue." Penelope blurted out, her eyes snapping to his.
"What?" He asked with confusion.
"You said eyes, I'm only saying they are a very deep blue." Penelope said, snatching the shirt from his hand and making her way behind the privacy screen.
"Right you are." He laughed.
Penelope ignored the rustling of the sheets and the small creak of the bed, while Colin ignored the swishing sound of her garments hitting the floor. When Penelope pulled his shirt on, she decided that was a poor decision on her part and she should have not cared about their limited washing ability and instead asked him for one of his clean shirts, for the moment she put it on her arms she was surrounded by his spicy, earthy and provocative smell, and she inhaled deeply to revel in it. Now she had the smell of him in her nostrils and visions of his chest in her thoughts. She gave an inaudible sigh.
When Penelope emerged from behind the screen Colin made sure his back was to her so that he was not tempted to peek at her breasts that were sure to be fighting against the white fabric of his shirt nor the curves of her calves peaking from beneath.
"May I put out the candles?" She asked.
"Yes."
He gave a silent sigh of relief and finally allowed his eyes to open when he heard her blow out all the candles and he could no longer see her, for there was little moon tonight so they were in near total blackness.
"Sweet dreams, Penelope." Colin replied.
"Sweet dreams, Colin." She replied as she moved about to get comfortable on the sofa.
They were quiet but for five minutes, listening to the silence of the room, both too self-conscious to be the first to fall asleep.
"Pen, will you not share what I said to make you so upset with me?" Colin asked in the darkness of their cabin.
Penelope responded not for long enough that Colin rather thought she would not answer him this time of asking either until she finally spoke so softly that had the room not been completely silent he would not have heard her.
"I overheard you the night of Featherington Ball, Colin."
"You overheard me with who, Pen?" Colin inquired curiously.
He had had many drinks to strengthen his courage to confront her cousin and had his interactions with her and remembered not the rest of the night.
"You overheard me with Lord Featherington? But you were there, you heard all."
He could almost hear her head shake and her mind struggling to come up with the right thing to say. "I overheard you with your horrid friends talking about me."
Colin could sense her embarrassment now, which aggrieved him.
"What did I say?" He asked.
"Colin, we need not speak about this." Penelope said, rolling over on the sofa to turn her back to him.
Colin sat up in bed and crossed his legs, not willing to drop the conversation now, for whatever he'd said was clearly bothering her all these months later and caused her discomfort to speak about.
"Please, Penelope. I want to know, for surely you must know I would never intentionally cause you pain. You have always been most dear to me." Colin said, as softly as she had started the whole conversation.
"They said that you and I were dancing quite intimately and asked if you were…" Her voice briefly broke, and his heart clenched in pain that he'd hurt her so. "They asked if you were courting me. Your reply was that they must be mad, for you would never court me, with quite the heavy inflection on never. It sounded as if you were dismissing me as being an eligible and worthy match to the many available men that you were speaking with. And I know how men talk about the ladies of the ton, I'm sure they took that back to White's and Mondrich's and spoke about it to other men who may be looking for their matches, saying that Colin Bridgerton declared Penelope Featherington unsuitable as a wife. If the man who had been my friend for many years would absolutely consider me not, then what could that mean for any other man? Had you not been forced to marry me I may never have gotten a husband because of your words. Not only that but it's even worse for you now, for you were forced to marry the woman you would have to be mad to court."
Her voice continued to fracture throughout her confession, and he knew she had started crying, his heart moving from clenching painfully to sitting like a rock in his stomach.
It was not a valid excuse, and he would mention it not to her, but Colin had not only had quite a few drinks leading up to his confrontation, he had had quite a few drinks after his intimate dance with Penelope when he had started questioning all. Their small declarations of thinking the other special, how complete he had felt dancing with her and how lovely she had looked that evening had left his mind reeling in confusion and with no one to speak of it with he had turned to brandy to cope.
The last thing he truly recalled clearly was drinking lemonade with her after their dance, yet he was instantly sure what group of men she would have referred to as horrid friends, for they were horrid people in general.
The mention of her marrying another was a horrifying enough thought that flooded his body with a sickening feeling and Colin jumped out of bed to cross the room to crouch down next to her curled up on the sofa and could not stop himself from resting his palm on her hip comfortingly.
"Penelope, I would have allowed you not to marry a single man in that group, for none of them are worthy of the woman that you are. That group of…gentlemen, though they hardly warrant the term are constantly making inappropriate comments about the allure of your…person. On more than one occasion I've had to assert how crude they were speaking of a refined lady, such as you are. I would have said anything to keep them away from you and it could be further not from the truth for me. I could never think ill of you, indeed, it is the opposite, for there is no one I think more highly of. You are warm, lovely, caring and I have always been proud to say so to anyone worthy enough to hear it. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I have ever done anything that makes you question how special you are to me."
Penelope rolled back over to face him and sat up quickly, keeping the blankets clutched to her to keep covered, but catching him by surprise when she launched herself into his arms and wrapped her own around him to hug him tightly. He could feel tears from her cheeks on his chest and his heart melted as he hugged her close.
"Cry not, Pen. I apologize, a thousand times over. I could never hurt you on purpose." Colin said comfortingly.
He said no more, and she made no answer, but he could tell by the way she was slightly trembling against him that she was still crying, though more gently he thought, so he simply held her until she had ceased. He was the brother that his sisters came to for comfort, he was at ease with the tears of a woman and familiar with the stages of crying, from inconsolable and incoherent, to resigned, to sniffly, to embarrassed, to exhausted.
Colin stroked her hair and rocked her gently until he heard some telltale sniffles from her, then he felt her stiffen slightly in his arms and pull back from him. He couldn't see her face clearly in the dark, which he was nearly glad, for it surely would have torn at him further seeing her so sad.
"I'm sorry, Colin, for crying into your bare chest." Penelope said, her voice hoarse from her tears.
"Anytime. I am always here for you. Do you feel better now? I always feel unburdened after a cry." He said, brushing the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks to brush away any remnants.
"Yes, thank you."
Colin stood and crossed to the escritoire to pour her a glass of water, then returned to hand it to her.
"Here, drink this. You'll have a headache and I'm sure and this will help."
Penelope drank and he stood there waiting patiently until she'd emptied the glass, then he took it and placed it on the floor momentarily to carefully guide her to lay back down on the sofa. He tucked the blankets securely back around her and fluffed the pillow at her head before he caressed her hair reassuringly and stroked his thumbs over her cheeks once more to ensure they were now dry, then he could not stop himself from pressing his lips to each of her cheeks tenderly before he returned to bed.
"Sleep well, sweet Pen."
"Pleasant dreams, Colin."
Colin closed his eyes, certain that he had just fallen in love with his wife as she cried into his chest while he had held her adoringly in his arms, after but one day completely alone with her.
Notes:
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Chapter 6: A Rough and Choppy Crossing
Summary:
Colin cares for his seasick wife.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Colin was groggily and hastily awakened to a sound that had pulled him from the sleep he had eventually found late into the night. He was utterly confused as to his surroundings momentarily, not knowing where he was, what was happening, nor what had jolted him from his slumber, but another bout of abrupt and reverberant sound told him he was hearing the unmistakable sound of retching.
He was always slow to wake in general and it took him a few moments to gather his wits about him, so he peeked an eye open to locate the source, it was quite early but there was some light starting to stream in and it illuminated the flash of auburn curls huddled on the floor in a corner of the room near the door, which was enough to fully wake him and remind him of everything from yesterday.
Penelope.
He was in Penelope's room, and it was she who was making the alarming noise. He was completely alert now.
He kicked himself free from the sheets and blankets to hurry over to her and kneel next to her where she sat with an empty hatbox that she'd turned into a pail in her lap. She looked dreadful, clammy and nearly green yet somehow pale in the face.
"I don't feel very well, Colin." She told him pitifully when he crouched next to her with concern etched on his face, and her azure eyes looked flat when then they met his.
"Oh, poor Penelope." Colin said soothingly, tucking a curl behind her ear and wiping her brow gently with his fingers. "Why did you not tell me that you had started to feel the effects of the sea?"
"You were asleep, and I wished not to disturb you."
"If you need to wake me for any reason whatsoever you are free to do so. Even if you are only struck with the urge of telling me something as simple as good day." He said, removing the hatbox from her lap carefully.
"Here, sweet Pen, put your hand about my shoulder."
Penelope was too weak and dizzy to protest, her head drooped against the back of the wall, her arms had not the strength to keep the blanket covering her, and her hands rest uselessly on her lap, though she wanted to do as he instructed.
"I wish not be a bother or difficult, so apologies, but I believe you are going to have to lift it there yourself, Colin."
Colin did not know how one could feel so entirely protective over another, but he felt powerless watching her, and as if his own person was being physically assaulted by her discomfort and pain, wanting to take it from her.
Colin nodded then picked her hand up softly from her lap to guide it over his head to rest on his shoulder, but before he did so he pulled her hand to his lips to press a quick commiserative kiss to the back of her bare skin, which he realized after the fact when his lips tingled, that he'd never done so before as she'd always been wearing gloves if he'd kissed her hand.
"Hold tight if you can but worry not, for I would never drop you, precious Pen." He seemed unable to stop the tenderness and endearments tumbling forth from his mouth, but it was the least of his concerns right now, worried only for her well-being and not for what he may be revealing.
Colin lifted her from the floor, her blanket falling away and exposing an indecent amount of her legs, which he knew she would argue about should she feel up to it but her current state allowed not. He held her in his brawny arms to carry her back to the bed as she sagged meekly against his naked chest for the second time in four and twenty hours. He placed her down where he had just been laying, his shirt that she slept in riding quite high on her thighs; he pulled the blankets up over her immediately for her modesty and tucked them securely around her before he moved to retrieve her hatbox and place it next to her once more on the floor.
"Your box is here should you need it. Let me find the ginger biscuits for you." Colin murmured to mollify her.
He dug around briefly in a trunk and was hastily back by her side, sitting on the empty of the mattress holding out two ginger biscuits for her.
"Here you are, my Pen, these will help. The sea is very choppy today and I'm so sorry this is to be your first full day, for sometimes it is quite calm, but you will grow more accustomed to the rocking the longer that you are onboard."
Penelope groaned as she felt another wave of nausea coming over her and just thinking of trying to eat a biscuit right now wasn't helping. She rolled over the side of the bed to reach for her hatbox once more, her hair curtaining near her face and she felt the bed shift behind her, realizing that Colin had left, which was probably for the best, for he did not need to see this; she was embarrassed enough already that she had woke him in such a manner and that he was seeing her in such a state.
Yet he quickly returned with one of his cravats in hand and began collecting her hair away from her face to tie it back and up out of the way if she were to be sick before he returned to his place behind her on the bed and rubbed her back comfortingly.
"There, there, sweet Pen." He whispered to her as his palm stroked from the base of her spine to the nape of her neck and back again and again until her queasiness passed.
"Colin, I think not that I could eat a biscuit and have it stay down." Penelope said, feeling very clammy once more. "I fear that I'm about to…"
Penelope could not finish her sentence through her rapid dry heaving.
Colin left her again but this time to wet a towel from the basin on the table within their cabin and return to her to dab at her brow.
When he was ill his mother would rub her palm in a circle at the base of his neck, or stroke her fingertips between his brow calmingly, and speak soothing and encouraging words to him, which always made him feel loved and cared for, so that's precisely what he did to Penelope until she had settled once more and collapsed back on the pillow, drained of her strength.
Colin snapped the biscuit in half and tried once more. "Can you please try to eat this for me, my Pen? Give me but five minutes and I'll find a staff member to give us a pail, a bucket or a bin for you, and be not distressed, I'll buy you a new hatbox."
Penelope nodded obediently but looked at the small broken biscuit with dread when he ducked from the room, not even bothering to put on a shirt or his boots. She'd only been under the care, if one could call it that, of her mother when she'd been ill, which seemed to be to let the staff deal with her until she was better, with an occasional pop in to claim she'd fulfilled her motherly duties. The contrast of Colin's attentiveness and ministrations was a stark, and welcome change, for she felt treasured, adored and his sweet words touched her heart.
Colin was back in less than five minutes carrying a bin in his hand and he complimented her for eating her piece of the ginger biscuit as he moved her hatbox and replaced it with the bin. Then he coaxed her into eating the biscuit's other half, and half of the next but she shook her head to the last piece, for she was certain she could not manage it without her stomach giving a repeat performance.
"That's fine. You did very well, sweet Pen." Colin said, eating the remaining half of the ginger biscuit himself before returning to the opposite side of the mattress to resume dabbing at her forehead with the cool wet towel with one hand and stroking the side of her hair with the other.
They sat that way for the next half an hour until she felt less clammy, and her rapid breathing slowed.
"My Pen, do you think you could keep down some chicken broth? You have had nothing to eat all day and I fear you've lost everything you ate yesterday." Colin asked tenderly.
Broth sounded far more appetizing than a biscuit had, and the heat was likely to soothe the soreness from her throat. "Yes, that would be nice."
"Give me but a quarter of an hour and I'll return." Colin said, patting her arm reassuringly before he hopped off the bed to pull on a shirt and his boots. Not only had Penelope not eaten today, neither had he and he was famished.
"Colin, perhaps you could request a banana also?" Penelope asked just before he reached the door, sounding small and hesitant.
"Oh course, my sweet. I'll return as quick as I can." Colin replied, repressing the urge to return to the bed and place a kiss upon her forehead.
When Penelope was alone, she climbed out of bed and took the towel that Colin had been using on her to the basin to wash her face, neck, and shoulders, then wiped her mouth and teeth with the cloth and filled her water glass to rid her mouth of any remnants. She felt infinitely better as she returned to bed to wait for Colin to return.
Which she quickly was learning he was hasty when on a mission, for she had not been back in bed for three minutes before he returned carrying a heaping tray with sandwiches, a selection of fruits including her banana, cheeses, chicken broth and a new jug of water.
He placed the tray on the bed and took his boots off before he sat cross-legged on the mattress and reached eagerly for a sandwich.
They ate as they chatted, comfortable with one another despite their casual state of dress, or in Penelope's case, undress, and that they were eating on the bed.
"Thank you for taking care of me today, Colin. I've never been so steadfastly attended to while not well." Penelope said after taking a few sips from her bowl of broth.
"Your mother did not take care of you when you were ill?" Colin asked in surprise, it never occurring to him that a mother would not dote upon their child whilst they were unwell. Though, he supposed he should have, for Lady Featherington would hardly be winning any parental accolades with her treatment of Penelope, which he hardly understood as she was the best of them all and always had been. It had always baffled and angered him.
Penelope shook her head and took another few sips of her broth before answering. "She has not the patience…nor warmth for the sick."
"My mother rarely left our side if we were unwell which always gave us great solace, which is precisely what I shall do with you. As I hope you will do for me when it is I experiencing what you are."
Penelope would not mind fussing over him a bit, ill or not and simply nodded to his request.
"What did Lady Bridgerton do when more than one of you were afflicted at the same time?" Penelope asked curiously.
"She piled us all into one room so she could see us all at once and jump from bed to bed. She had all boys sick at once but one time, Gregory must have been about four and she held him on her hip as she moved from Anthony's bed to Benedict's to mine in ten-minute bursts. Then she caught it the following week." He chuckled.
"You were quite fortunate with your family." Penelope smiled.
"Very, and now they are your family too, for you are as dear to them as anyone."
"Not Eloise." Penelope said ruefully.
"One day you will be again. El is quick to anger and slow to thaw but she almost assuredly will."
They continued eating in silence until they'd finished, and Colin set their tray on the floor so Penelope could stretch back out once more.
He tucked the blankets around her again as she lay on her side facing him. "How's that?" He asked.
"I'm a little chilled." She answered honestly and punctuated her statement with a tremble.
Colin was immediately off the bed and fetching her blankets which had been left forgotten in the floor when he'd carried her to the bed.
He layered them on top of her and pulled them snugly around her before he clambered back in bed and ran his hand up and down her arm vigorously to warm her.
"Better?"
"Better."
Penelope's eyelids started to drift closed, and she kept fighting to open them until Colin began whispering tranquilly to her once more.
"Please go ahead and sleep, for you'll feel better when you awaken. Fret not, I'll watch over you, my darling."
"Colin?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you." She said on an exhausted exhale.
He could not help it and he leaned down to place a kiss to the crown of her head as his heart swelled. Colin settled in and watched her sleep for a bit, relief flooding him as her skin tone and natural glow gradually returned to normal. It allowed him to relax enough that he began to become sleepy as well, for it had been tough to sleep last night, thinking of Penelope mere feet from him and then waking so suddenly this morning and his own eyes began to drift shut until his breathing became deep and even, matching hers.
Penelope awoke hours later in near total darkness, assuming she had slept the rest of the day with her illness and the lovely cocoon Colin had created for her and stretched stiffly when she realized there was a heaviness draped across her hip and her cheek was pressed into warm flesh. Though she knew him anywhere by his distinctly spicy and woody soap, for he'd been using it for years, she'd noted it since their first dance when he'd held her close and aside from that she'd been surrounded by that very scent all these hours passed as she donned his shirt, her eyes opened quickly, and she had to tilt her face up only slightly to find that she was sleeping on Colin and he had removed his shirt once more.
She was not simply sleeping, she had been all but clung to him like a kitten, she had a hand clutching his neck on one side, her face buried in the crook of his neck on the other and a leg slung over his thigh while he had one arm resting on her hip, the other wrapped around her shoulders with his fingers resting on her collarbone and his chin settled at her temple as he radiated warmth all around her while he slept, enveloping her firmly and possessively in his embrace. She fought the urge to press her lips to the corded muscles of his neck and the sinewy base of his throat but allowed her fingertips to tighten at his neck before stroking his heated skin there and letting her hand slowly drift down to rest on his powerful pectoral muscle instead, the beat of his heart kissing her fingertips.
"I love you, Colin." Penelope felt compelled to mouth but the admission was not given any volume as she nuzzled her face back into his neck once more.
She did remove her leg from the top of his, as she thought that felt rather wanton and hedonistic, but instead of moving entirely as she ought to have done, she closed her eyes to fall asleep once more, for in truth, there was no where she would rather have been and especially so after Colin's prodigious care he'd given her today.
Penelope would not mind if this was what they ended up settling into, his endearments while she'd been ill had warmed her heart, she recalled him saying my Pen and sweet Pen...a darling per chance, and she remembered not if there were more, for today had been a blur of Colin whispering sweetly and encouragingly to her. If they proceeded in this fashion, it would be quite easy to make others believe that their marriage was what marriage should be…perhaps including herself if she wasn't careful.
Notes:
Thank you all for you bookmarks, kudos and comments! I appreciate you!
Chapter 7: Colin's Wake Up
Summary:
Colin is awakened to Penelope yet again.
Notes:
@Catlady89 you may find your suggestion from the previous chapter's comment within! See the end notes for more info!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It seemed that awakening to Penelope may be Colin's new daily quandary whilst sharing this cabin, but today instead of awaking suddenly to a very ill Penelope, he awoke languidly, contentedly and pleasurably, perhaps too much so, for Penelope was nearly atop him and clinging to him as if her life depended on how much of him that she could touch at one time, and if that were the point of the game, she would very much be winning as the only thing not on him was a single leg.
They were sharing one pillow, the curls of her hair, turned a fiery titian color from the sunlight creeping in their small window, had come free from the cravat he had tied in it yesterday and was tickling over his chest and her arm, her head was cradled in his shoulder with her hand propped beneath her cheek and the warmth of her breath whispered over the side of his neck and base of his throat, her temptingly full breasts were upon his chest and he could feel her nipples peaked against him, her palm rested on the muscle of his chest and her thumb fidgeted in her sleep, stroking him unconsciously and sending his nerves skittering in a hundred different directions, and her hips were pressed to his waist as she had her thigh draped over him so that her calf was resting on his manhood. His extremely hard manhood, extremely erect manhood.
The shortness of his shirt she was wearing had caused everything to pull high on her body and he could feel the heat of her center on his hipbone, which did nothing to help the level of his arousal whatsoever. They really needed to get to the first port to purchase some proper nightwear, for if Penelope awoke, she was sure to feel him pulsing against her hungrily, which was not very friend-like of him.
So as not to wake her, he gradually pushed her thigh away from that particular area and down so she rested on his own thigh instead, ignoring the heated softness of her delicate ivory skin and taking deep breaths to will himself to relax before she awoke and caught him in such a state.
He tried to think of the most chaste things he could muster to lose his erection, but somehow, they all seemed to bring forth sensual images of Penelope, regardless of the improbability or ridiculousness of the relation. She was so lush against him, so warm against him…so perfectly fit to his own dips and musculature that everything came back to her body, her body touching his body or envisioning doing things to her body or the inverse, and she doing things to his.
He thought of horseback riding, laughing with his brothers who was the better horseman and somehow an image of Penelope seated itself in his mind of her riding along, with her breasts unbound from her stays and bouncing rhythmically to the canter of the horse and her dress whipping in the wind, exposing her creamy thighs.
He thought of Bridgerton dinners and tea and laughing with his family, and there was Penelope, with her full pink pout wrapped around a fork or her tongue darting out to lick a crumb from the corner of her mouth and he wondered how her mouth and tongue would feel upon his shaft.
He thought of the last book that he'd read, which had been quite boring but featured an auburn-haired heroine, so clearly that would work not to settle him.
He thought of boxing, the most unarousing thing he could think of, a sport where two men fought to inflict bruises, split skin and cause pain and even that made him think of Penelope tending to his injuries with gentle care as her dainty fingers bandaged a wound affectionately and caressed his cheek with concern.
What was happening to him, could he think of nothing but Penelope? And this was only their second day out? That bode not well for him. He needed out of this bed and to put space between their bodies, for his body was far too receptive and excited for hers. He shifted beneath her to try to wriggle away from her, but it only made her cleave to him tighter and move her thigh back up to rest her calf on his straining manhood again.
"Stay." Penelope mumbled in protest into his neck as he froze in place.
Was she awake and purposely asking for him to stay or was she dreaming of something unrelated, asking someone, possibly not him, to stay? He hated the thought of the second option.
Her leg moved up higher, dragging itself back up over the length of him through his breeches and he sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, yet he moved not. He could move, or easily move her, if he was so inclined…but he didn't want to, not really, not when it felt so exquisite.
Penelope's breathing remained deep and even, so he determined her still asleep. Her thigh twitched against him, which made his member twitch against her, as her fingers made a clutching motion on his chest, and if we were wearing a shirt she would have naught but a fistful of fabric but as it were caused her fingernails to drag over his bare skin in a most pleasurable way and he gave another quick inhale at the sensations.
He was now at a critical point and Colin needed to remove himself from this bed before he spent himself in his pants like an undisciplined boy and he embarrassed himself in front of Penelope, for he knew not if he'd ever been this aroused or hard in his life.
Directly after he thought it and before he could even so much as move Penelope had him rooted to the mattress once more with her hot, breathy moan that flittered over his neck and again had his member jumping against her.
"Colin, mmm." Penelope murmured.
His ears perked up that she was dreaming of him in what seemed to be a pleasant way, but his attention was short lived because in a flurry of hasty movements from Penelope what he dreaded happening did so for the first time since he'd been a lad at Eton.
She gasped his name, her lips touched his neck, and her tongue licked his skin, her fingernails curled into the flesh of his pectoral muscle as her palm rest on his nipple, he was certain he could feel the wetness from her core melting into his breeches, and her calf began its restless dance up and down his steely length once again, then a second time and a third until Colin whimpered and groaned beneath her and he lost it.
Penelope…his Penelope…his beautiful, desirable wife had just made him spill himself into his breeches harder than he had ever done when taking himself in hand and with only a kiss to his neck and a few rubs over heavy fabric…and she had no idea what she'd done to him.
He was uncomfortable in his tacky prison of wool, but he'd be damned if he was moving now. Colin was desperate to know what she was dreaming of that had her so wet against him and had brought him to his metaphorical knees. Her lips were no longer on his person, but he was no less aroused as her nose nuzzled the column of his neck.
"Love."
One word to drive him absolutely mad with its utterance, for what did she love? Him?
Did she love what she was doing to him in her dream? Was it what she had just done to him in reality?
Did she love what he was doing to her dream? Was it anything from Anthony and Benedict's long list?
What was her dream? He had no clue other than her occasional sighs and moans, that were exactly as described by his brothers, that she was most definitely pleased.
He felt her smile against his throat as she made another mmming sound and shifted her thigh entirely off him, but her lips found the skin of his neck again as her hand gripped his non-existent shirt once more. He decidedly may perish this very morning. Surely death by sleeping wife would be a first. How prestigious.
Five minutes later he was free of his torturous prison, admittedly of his own making, as Penelope rolled off him and faced the opposite direction on her other side, allowing him to take his first breath of the day. His breeches had dried to brittle, from both his and her contributions, and he was desperate to bathe, change into fresh clothes and take in some fresh air to relieve the intimacy of the cabin and her nearness.
The loss of Colin's body heat and the solidity of his arms around her was enough to wake Penelope but two minutes later. She stretched sluggishly, feeling stiff and sore, like she'd been sleeping for two days straight, which she supposed she had been.
"Good day, Pen."
She rolled to her other side to look at him, he was sitting up cross-legged on the other side of the mattress. He looked adorably tousled this morning.
"Good day, Colin." Penelope smiled at him.
"How are you feeling today?" Colin asked.
"I feel much better today. Thank you."
"The seas are much calmer today than yesterday. We'll give you two more ginger biscuits before we leave the room as a preventative. Did you sleep well? Pleasant dreams?" He asked.
"I slept quite well but feel like I've been sleeping for too long and remember not a thing whilst in slumber," She replied, wondering why he looked so disappointed with her answer.
"Are you hungry?" He inquired.
Penelope had had little to eat since they'd boarded the ship and as if her stomach knew what Colin had asked, grumbled in protest at its lack of sustenance. She giggled in embarrassment, though she supposed she should not be, for he'd seen and heard much worse from her yesterday, and he was still looking at her…with what was this most peculiar look, and she could identify it not.
"I am quite famished, as my stomach has decided to make quite clear." Penelope said with a grin.
"Then come, we'll away to the washrooms, dress, break our fast and spend the day topside to get you much needed fresh air. We will have you fed within the hour." Colin said leaping out of bed to start gathering clean clothes from his trunk.
True to his word he had them in the dining room with a heaping plate of food placed in front of her in less than an hour. He'd brought her a plate the same size as his, which she had laughed at, for no one could eat more than him, and had given her a bowl of porridge and loaded up her plate with fruit, eggs, cold ham, bread and butter and honey cake then poured her a cup of tea.
He scooted his chair closer to her as they chatted and laughed, so he could hear her better over the cacophony of the other diners he said, for there was at least five and twenty others in the room with them, but Penelope minded not; she always liked Colin's steady presence near her. He was sticking to her quite closely today, she rather thought she had alarmed him with yesterday's happenings, and she felt terrible for scaring him so.
"I am stuffed." Penelope said, pushing the plate away from her.
"Is that all you're going to eat after having nothing for two days?" Colin asked in disbelief.
"Colin, you brought me enough food for three people." She giggled at him.
"Nonsense." He laughed back with her, surprising himself by holding a strawberry to her lips, and she, equally surprising him, by taking it gently from his fingers as their eyes met for an exceedingly long beat as the crowded room seemed to fade away and they saw and heard only each other.
He was the first to break the spell and shift his attention to her plate, finishing not only his food but hers as well. Then they lingered over their tea until the semblance of normalcy returned.
"Shall we go topside, Pen? We could play chess again; you were quite good." Colin proposed.
Penelope pulled her black cloak on as she nodded agreeably and wrapped her hand around his arm, where he flummoxed her yet again by laying his other hand atop hers. Perhaps she had given something overnight.
"Colin, you are well today?" She asked with concern.
"Remarkably."
"You do not feel ill?"
"Not a bit."
He led her to the steep staircase that accessed the top deck and stood behind her for her to climb up first, which turned out to be a good call on his part, for not even three stairs up the sheer steps Penelope's foot slipped. She gasped in shock as she started to go down, but Colin caught her round the waist before she hit the floor herself, and he lowered her gently there.
"Are you alright, my Pen?" He asked with worry, not releasing her.
Her back was pressed into his waist and abdomen, and he had his arms wrapped around her, resting just beneath her bust. She took shallow breaths, lest one too deep would somehow send her breasts into his forearm, but breathing was a difficult effort as it was. His sensual spicy and woody soap filled her nostrils as he dwarfed her, for anyone coming upon them would not have even known she was there; the tallness of his person, the breadth of his shoulders, and the muscles of his body completely enveloped her. He was warm, he was safe, he was a hazard all in one and he was standing over her, he was behind her, he was surrounding her. All she could feel, and smell was Colin.
"Pen?" Colin asked again with greater concern.
"Mmm?" She replied dazedly.
"You have not injured yourself?"
Now that he mentioned it, she did notice that her ankle was twinging a bit, which she had failed to feel in her overwhelmed state. She was afraid if she told him that he would make her return to the cabin, and she wanted fresh air and sunshine.
"No, I'm fine. Thank you." She lied.
Colin released her and she almost humiliated herself by groaning in protest at the loss of the feeling of being so wholly enclosed by his arms. Instead, she smoothed the skirts of her plum day dress down unnecessarily as she turned to face him.
"Here, let me go up first and then I'll hold onto you." He said, climbing up much more gracefully and swiftly than she had before turning to reach for her hand.
"I meant what I said yesterday, I would never drop you." Colin added when she hesitated.
Penelope smiled at him, taking his hand and placing her other hand tightly on the railing as she followed him up.
Five steps in on the top deck and the ever-attentive Colin noticed her fib straightaway with her ginger steps as her ankle continued to smart.
He stopped walking to suspiciously stare into her eyes, that currently matched the blue of the clear sky above them. "I believe I have been misinformed as to the state of your injury, Penelope."
"It's fine, I'll be fine. It's just a slight pang right now from stepping wrong, it will quickly dissipate." Penelope assured him.
Colin put his arm around her waist and held her tight to him to support her anyway as they walked, and he led her to the chair at one of the chess tables near the bow of the ship
"I'll return in just a moment, sweet Pen. I'm going to get you a glass of wine for your relief."
His endearments were back, and they stirred her insides.
"Colin, I'm fine, really." She said, but he was already striding purposefully away.
Just like yesterday when he was fetching things for her, he was back swiftly and hovered over her watchfully until she'd taken a sip, nodding approvingly before taking his seat opposite her.
They played several games, and the man who had given Colin the wine kept coming back to top off Penelope's glass until she was no longer sure how much she'd had, only that was feeling extremely relaxed as they chatted and laughed, which in turn relaxed him.
They spoke of their respective new families, Penelope was positive she had the better end of the deal there, they planned a journey to Aubrey Hall at the holidays to spend the season with all the Bridgertons, he told her of the other countries he wanted to take her to, they talked of their new home and what rooms to decorate next and with what furnishings and some outdoor improvements they'd like to make.
They fell into a comfortable lull in conversation for a few minutes before Penelope courageously asked her next question, spurred on by the free-flowing wine and their easy state.
"Colin, will you not tell me a secret? Something that your wife should know?"
Colin hesitated not a moment, as if he had been waiting for just such a question and she was happy that she had asked it.
"I aspire to be a writer someday too, Pen."
He'd not had the opportunity yet on this journey, but he wrote nearly every night and as they were sharing a cabin she would undoubtedly find out.
"What? I knew not that you wrote anything besides the most excellent letters." Penelope exclaimed excitedly. "Will you not tell me about it?"
Colin told her about his travel journals and his desire of turning them into a series for those who had not the opportunity to travel.
"I could introduce you to my publisher, Colin." She offered.
Colin puffed up that she believed in him so implicitly as to make such an offer without reading a single word he had written.
"You don't know if I'm any good to make such an overture." Colin laughed. "You would not wish me to shame you with poor quality."
"Of course you would be good." She replied with a wave of her hand.
He plumed even further with that assumption.
"What about you, Pen? As your husband, what should I know?" He asked, leaning forward conspiratorially with a teasing smile.
"I have told you my biggest secret already." She smiled back evasively.
"Nothing else to share with me? We have been friends for so long there is nothing else that I know not about you?" Colin said lightly.
She had no other secrets from Colin…except one, but could all the wine make her brave enough to disclose what she'd kept hidden even deeper than Whistledown?
"I see the indecision flickering in your eyes, Pen. There is something! Will you not share with me?" Colin coaxed.
Penelope suddenly felt warm, her throat tight and her tongue thick.
"You know you can tell me anything." He continued to assure her, vastly interested now, for she had not even hesitated at sharing her column bombshell and surely it couldn't be bigger than that.
"There is a wonderful man that I am in love with." Penelope began finally, sounding terrified and voice that was not recognizable. "For so many years it's disconcerting but I could never let go. My heart beats in rhythm to his and refuses to do so for anyone but."
He was wrong that it could be not bigger, because that was completely unexpected and a bigger slap in the face than Whistledown ever was. Whistledown was merely surprising, this was a knife plunged into his heart. No wonder she did not want to marry him, for she was in love with another. His wife loved another man. He was hit with the ridiculous urge to duel this unknown dolt because there was no way any other could love her the way he would and could. Or did.
"Will you not ask me his name?" Penelope whispered.
He knew not if he could handle such a thing or he'd away them back to Mayfair at the first port to…well, he had no plan past returning to Mayfair and his potential duel.
"Colin? You've gone pale, are you well?" Penelope asked with concern, now in her normal tone.
He stood hastily, knocking his chair over in the process and strode away from her. Then returned, then paced away once more and returned to her looking like he was in the utmost distress.
"Has he taken liberties with you?" Colin eventually asked in anguish.
"Only once, with the most exquisite of kisses, but I wish him to." Penelope said, regretting it when Colin's face looked horrified.
But then with his refusal of any such familiarities and his neglect of claiming her as his wife in body, as well as name, his reaction made sense, so she voiced what had been in her thoughts since the night of the Featherington Ball when he had declared her uncourtable.
"I'm sorry, Colin, for I know that I repel you and that you would never; you could not and have not been clearer. I have tried countless times not to love you but nary a one has worked. I am always back to you and more hopeless than before. Please, forget I have spoken it, and I will bury it deeply within once more." Penelope said with a bite to her lip, looking for all the world as if she were suppressing tears.
She spun around, her cloak whipping behind her, and hastily disappeared from his view leaving him staring after her and his mind whirling to process what she had said. He became stuck and confused when she said that she repelled him, for she had no idea the gargantuan amount of self-control he'd been using for the past month and his mind refused to move on from that statement.
When he finally caught up, she'd been gone from his view for mere seconds. You she had said not once but twice. It was he that she had loved so long. He was wildly jealous of himself, and he was ready to duel himself. Penelope loved him. Penelope. Loved. Him.
Oh, sweet heavens above, Penelope had run away from him near tears, thinking she repelled him.
"Wait! Penelope!"
Notes:
Thank you @Catlady89 for the suggestion 'I hope they walk around the deck and because she doesn't have sea legs yet, he has to hold onto her because he's so big, he just envelops her'
Hopefully catching her from the stairs was a satisfying enough substitute!
Chapter 8: Confessions
Summary:
Colin finally finds Penelope and many confessions are made.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Colin ran down the steep stairs where Penelope disappeared only moments ago half expecting to find her laying at the bottom of them since she had slipped on them so easily earlier; luckily, she was not there and injured, but unluckily that meant he was going to have to search for her, yet he believed luck may not be on his side.
He was married to Lady Whistledown, who was an expert-level sneaker, who had managed to stay to hidden from the entire ton for three years. If Penelope didn't want to be found, then she would not be, particularly if he had hurt her. He knew her well enough to know that she would not wish to face him so quickly afterwards.
"Pen?" Colin pleaded quietly to the empty hallway. "Please come out."
Yet it was not empty because Penelope was hiding behind the stairs that Colin had just smoothly descended and was crouched into the darkness with her black cloak swathing her and the hood pulled snuggly over her head so he would not see the telltale flash of her auburn hair, and her eyes closed tight so he could not see the light blue of her irises in the shadows to betray her hiding spot.
Lest he hear her, she didn't so much as breathe as he hastened down the stairs, which was quite difficult given the tears streaming down her face and her need to gasp in air. Once he moved from the hallway she'd return to the deck, for this was the only way up and it would take him awhile to return topside as he searched the rest of the ship for her, allowing her time wallow in her misery and bury her feelings deep within once more, but she knew not how to ever face him after such a revelation.
The wine had made her brave and foolish and his attentiveness, touches and endearments the last two days allowed her hope, which proved an idiotic combination, her heart squeezed painfully. She desperately wished she had never said anything about it, and if she had decided to be so half-witted and do so, she wished she had her own bedchamber to return to so she could hide from him for days on end until he'd forgotten what a wretched woman he had married. His voice pulled her from rumination on what a fiasco she had now created.
"Please, Pen. Come speak with me." Colin called out again, softly and earnestly, waiting but a moment, looking around a last time, seeing her not and walking to the next set of stairs to go down to the next level.
And so he methodically went until he'd been through each level, calling out for her until others were staring at him and more than one employee had asked if he needed assistance or, thinking him intoxicated, required help back to his room. He decided to return to their cabin, it seemed too obvious, therefore unlikely, that that is where she would return but he hoped so despite himself. He needed this cleared up soon as may be, for he could bear not the thought of Pen doubting herself and aching.
He didn't find her within their dark walls, so he flopped down on the bed to curse himself a bit as his punishment, over anything and everything that came to mind, for it could all be blamed back on him in some manner.
Why had he ever let those miscreant men at the Featherington Ball get a rise out of him, for that is certainly where all her doubt stemmed from? Repelled she had said, she thought that she repelled him when, more aptly, she purely captivated him; her plump pink lips, her tempting full breasts, the ripeness of her body, the flare of her hips, the satin of her skin, her devastating smile, the sparkle of her eyes.
He'd been fighting his feelings for her much longer than he cared to admit to himself. If he would have simply allowed himself to realize that he loved her he could have properly courted her, declared himself to her, proposed to her and given her all the romance, whispered sweet-nothings and flowers she deserved and he knew her to desire, and he desired to give her, instead of their hasty marriage because he had tripped like a clumsy buffoon and touched her inappropriately in front of five and twenty people.
Colin rolled over and pulled a pillow into him to rest his arm upon and it stirred up the delectable, fresh scent of lemon and orange blossoms. Penelope. It was warm and peaceful and made him feel like he was home no matter where he was when he smelled it. She had been using the same soap and eau de toilette since he'd known her, the very first time they had danced his nose had been near enough her red curls to inhale and fill his nostrils with her sweetness, and he always related the scent back to her. When he smelled either, lemons or orange blossoms, on his travels he immediately thought of Penelope and it brought him comfort and calm.
The scent did neither for him right now in his discombobulated state, for all he could think of now was where she had hidden herself, how she was feeling emotionally, if still she cried or, worst of all, if she was physically well.
Colin began to envision all types of disastrous scenarios, each more ludicrous than the last. What if she had fallen and injured her ankle further and no one heard her calling for help? More terrifying yet, what if she had fallen, injured her ankle further, hit her head in the process, knocking herself unconscious and no one saw her to help her?
What if she was unsteady from her injury, and woozy from her wine that she'd been sipping all afternoon that she had fallen overboard? She was so petite a stiff breeze could easily knock her into the sea even without all the other factors she faced. She could have tumbled over a railing, or fallen out a window, which very well may be his most preposterous thought yet, as she was too small to even reach the height of the windows, but his brain refused to stop.
What if she had fallen into the sea and drown thinking that she repelled him and knew not that he loved her. He could stay not in their room and torture himself any longer.
Nighttime would be falling soon, so he simply started his search for her over again, starting at the bottom level of the ship and working his way topside, uselessly calling out for her, looking over the tall railings to ensure he saw no flash of her flailing about. The employees were starting to look at him as if he were mad and could he blame them? He probably was or would be soon if he could find her not.
He again returned to their cabin in hopes she had returned but once more it was empty, and he sighed heavily in disappointment. Colin sagged to the bed to resume his self-reproach and returned to his earlier thought of wishing he realized his love sooner so he could have done things in the proper order; courting, declaration, proposal, marriage, yet in his chain of never-ending galloping thoughts today it occurred to him, why could he not court his wife? Everything had been done in the wrong order, so why could he not go back to the first step?
They were ship-locked for now so his options were limited on overtures and gifts but perhaps he could pen love notes until they disembarked, and his gestures could become grander. Yes, he quite liked that idea, and he was certain that Penelope's romantic sensibilities would too.
He jumped off the bed and began digging through their trunks for parchment, ink and a quill then seated himself on the small stool at the escritoire to begin writing missives to her.
My Dearest, Loveliest Pen,
When your eyes meet mine, I am lost to you. When your hand touches mine, I cannot breathe. When you are near me, time stops. When you grant me your smile, I am complete and when I have earned your laugh, my mission has been fulfilled.
Yours always,
Colin
My beautiful Pen,
My soul used to be my own, but it belongs to you now, for you hold it in your tender hands forevermore. I am yours.
Love,
Colin
My love,
You command my heart and always have, as you always will, for it is you and I, as it always has been.
Your devoted love,
Colin
Darling Pen,
You are the most beautiful of anyone I know, inside and out. You steal my voice when you look at me with your azure eyes. You steal my breath when your hand is trustingly upon my arm. You steal thoughts when you smile, and you control me with merely a request. Ask for anything and I will retrieve it, ask for nothing and I will give you everything.
Lovingly and devotedly yours,
Colin
Colin set the quill down and stretched. That was enough for now, he could write more later. He glanced out the window and full darkness had set in. He needed Penelope like he needed air to breathe, he missed her and needed her near, so he left the cabin to once more comb through the decks of the ship to find her.
Penelope saw Colin, presumably, looking for her from her spot tucked into a corner hidden behind wooden crates in the dining hall and decided it was time to return to their cabin. It had been hours since the incident, but she knew not what time it was aside from late; she was sleepy, and had a headache from her tears that were coming and going throughout the day. She slipped quietly along the corridors and, though her ankle hurt her no longer, taken the stairs carefully. She'd had more than one employee tell her that her husband was looking for her, so she had taken to avoiding everyone now and not just Colin.
She entered the dark cabin and left it that way, lighting no candles and using only what the moon was radiating to see. She splashed water on her face from the basin and that helped refresh her immensely, then drank two glasses of water, which also helped her head, but she knew sleep would be the ultimate cure as she yawned tiredly.
Though she wanted nothing of his to be so intimately touching her person right now she had no choice but to put on Colin's shirt again for sleep before retrieving her blankets from the bed to wrap herself in and curl up on the sofa, hoping she would be asleep, or could at least feign it when Colin inevitably returned.
Luckily, it was the former in her overwrought state and within minutes of her head touching the pillow she began to dream, reliving her afternoon of misery, so perhaps labeling it a nightmare would be more accurate.
An hour later Colin warily entered the cabin, not knowing if Penelope would be there and was unexpectedly delighted when his eyes zeroed in on her in the near darkness. Relief flooded him and he gave absolutely no thoughts to it and crossed the room to pick her up, blankets and all, from her slumber from the sofa causing her to shriek in fear at suddenly being pulled awake and lifted in the air.
"Penelope, I have been sick with worry." Colin said, hugging her so tightly to him that she could breathe not until he loosened his grip. "Are you harmed?"
"No." She replied stiffly. What was the meaning of this?
"You are hurt and disappointed in me and I cannot apologize sufficiently enough, my sweet Pen, but we need to talk, most seriously and urgently. I need you to listen to me and believe that I am in earnest, for you know I would never to lie to you. Please." Colin said.
"We cannot speak with you holding me like this. You may put me down."
"No. I'm not releasing you now, nor ever again, my beautiful Pen, for I cannot, will not, nor do I want to, darling, but we may sit of the sofa if that brings you comfort." Colin said.
Penelope looked at him with a curious expression and…. hope.
Colin turned them and sat, keeping her in his lap but shifting her so that she was made to look into his eyes as his arms dropped to her waist to hold her in place throughout their crucial conversation.
"I'm sorry my response upset you. My mind became moored when you said that you repel me, and I heard nothing else for a few moments and by the time your words caught up to me you had disappeared. Penelope, you do not repel me, nor have you ever, in the slightest, in fact, it takes the greatest of efforts to hold myself in check and remind myself that I am a gentleman, and you are a lady when you are near me. The peek of your ankle or touch of your bare hand is enough to start my wicked thoughts, but I wanted not to make you uncomfortable in our home and I respect you too much to break our boundaries in the marriage that you wanted not and protested so adamantly."
"Colin, the only reason I protested is because I wanted not to see you trapped into a marriage with someone you do not love. I know that is what you wanted and all the Bridgertons are so desirous of the love match, and I hated to take that from you, for you deserve no less." Penelope replied with a shake of her head.
"And I have no less than any Bridgerton, for I love you, my Pen. Loyally, deeply and ardently." Colin said, moving his arms from her waist to grab for her hands.
"What?" She exclaimed in disbelief. "But Featherington Ball."
"The lady, or man, doth protest too much, methinks, or so wrote Shakespeare. You looked so beautiful, spoke such touching sentiments to me that night and nothing had felt more natural than holding you in my arms while we danced, like that is where you were destined to be. I knew not how to cope with my newfound feelings." He said apologetically.
"Your words and actions that night allowed me to hope as I have never granted myself leave to do before, Colin."
"I should think perhaps I have much more than most could claim, because I am married and deeply in love with my best friend, who has also proclaimed to love me. Will you not tell me again? I am most desperate to hear it. Please." Colin asked, gazing into her eyes and releasing her hand so he could trail a finger down her cheek tenderly.
"Colin, I love you. More than anyone in this life and have since the moment we met. You are kind and caring and make me laugh. Please tell me once more. I love you."
Penelope held her breath waiting to hear the words that she had craved so long.
"I love you, Penelope. I will tell you daily, perhaps multiple times a day for the rest of our lives. You will be sick to death of me."
Penelope threw her arms around him to hug Colin close as she buried her face in his neck, alarmed when he felt wetness there.
"My darling, why do you cry?" He asked with concern, stroking his hands up and down her spine with concern.
"They are happy tears, I assure you." She replied with a small, muffled laugh.
"We may have taken our path to the altar in an abrupt manner, but it was always to be our inevitable destination, my Pen, for so long I have loved you. I teetered so near the edge of realization myself. It has always been you and I since the very first, and it will continue to be forever. May I kiss you?"
"I want nothing more, but Colin, will you not teach me about all love and passions now?" Penelope asked, pulling away from his neck to gaze at him.
There was a very long pause as he looked like he struggled with his words, and she rubbed her hand up and down his forearm reassuringly.
"Our first kiss was life changing and I want to do all those things with you, but I can teach you nothing, my sweet Pen, for I have never…" Colin trailed off shyly, meeting her soft eyes.
Her breath hitched with that piece of information.
"Oh, I had assumed that you…" It was Penelope's turn to trail off.
"I was never possessed to, for I have always thought it too special to share with anyone but the love of my life." Colin admitted. "You are that love, my Pen. I love you, wife."
With that answer she thought that perhaps she fell in love with him even more for his romantic and tender nature and that she was his ultimate choice.
"I love you, my sweet husband, nearly all my life, truly. We will simply teach each other then." Penelope said, reaching for his hand and bringing his knuckles to her lips to brush a caressing kiss across.
"I have detailed instruction from the two biggest rakes I know." Colin said, flipping their hands and bring hers his lips to brush the same delicate kiss across her knuckles.
"Anthony and Benedict?" Penelope asked.
Colin nodded.
"And I am Lady Whistledown. A powerful trio if ever there was one. If my ankle is enough to make you wild, and your finger upon my cheek sets me ablaze then we are certain to triumph."
"Indeed." Colin agreed, capturing her full lips with his as he pulled her tightly into his chest.
Notes:
Thank you for your bookmarks, kudos and comments! Always appreciated and never fail to make me smile!
Chapter 9: Kisses and Courting
Summary:
Colin is ever the romantic and wants to make up for all the steps they skipped before being forced to marry.
Notes:
You can find me on Twitter @7897hippiechick or Bluesky @hippiechick7897 for previews of upcoming chapters and updates.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Colin sank his fingers into the thickness of Penelope's red locks to hold her head gently so he could kiss her softly, his lips capturing to hers again and again until they both were sighing into each other as she sat on his lap on the sofa. Penelope brough her hands to his shoulders to grip him tightly before she began to comb her fingers through his curls, and he wrapped her his arms around her even more snuggly so that her full unbound breasts were pressed into the hard planes of his chest, and he could feel her nipples pebbled against him.
Instinctually, he nipped her bottom lip and when she gasped in surprise, he deepened the kiss and began to massage his tongue against hers. Kissing Penelope was glorious and made him feel whole and otherworldly; he felt as if were soaring with the birds in high in the sky at her touch and her kiss made him feel as if he were floating away with the clouds pushed by the breeze. Penelope was that breeze shifting him to her will and probably always had been, for he would have done anything for her at any point of their acquaintance; her eyes had spoken to him since the first.
Colin cupped her cheek and stroked his thumb over her cheekbone, jaw and bottom lip until she was making soft mewling sounds from low in her belly, convinced that she going to be naught but a pile of goo on his lap as he turned her into liquid with each kiss and touch.
Penelope was swimming in awareness as his tongue danced with hers and he caressed her face lovingly; she had to break the kiss for air and to bring herself to shore from drowning in sensation, but instead of giving her a break Colin drug his lips across where he had so tenderly been stroking, across her cheek, down her jawline, then to and fro on her neck until she was moaning atop him.
Colin mentally scoffed at himself for being concerned how he would be able to tell if Penelope was enjoying herself, for everything he tried elicited a delectable sound to his ears. She was delightfully responsive to him, and he sighed her name into her flesh.
"Colin!" Penelope shrieked with a tremble when his teeth nibbled at the place where her neck and shoulder met. "Do it again."
She felt him smile against her skin and soothe his nips with lips before shifting to the other side of her neck and doing the very same on that side, provoking the very same response from her. Colin filed that knowledge away for later as he learned what made Penelope most eager, and she hastily turned the tables on him and began repeating the actions to his own neck until he was quivering similarly and groaning in pleasure. Perhaps they were both fast learners.
"Pen, you are alright? You are feeling safe and comfortable?" Colin asked huskily when her lips found the base of his throat.
She felt anything but comfortable, she felt as if her flesh was melting from her bones, yet she understood his meaning, loving him even more for his concern for her. He was so different than any man in the ton and he was hers.
Penelope leaned back slightly and looked him with eyes so dark from her blown pupils as she nodded effusively, trusting him with whatever he wanted to do to her.
"May I kiss you here?" Colin inquired, tracing his fingers over the shell of her ear and receiving a shiver from her, then leaning in to finish in a whisper so his breath whispered over her, earning him a quite moan. "I understand the ear is very sensitive."
"Yes. Please, Colin." Penelope nearly begged him.
Colin placed his lips to her lobe first, so it was merely a light kiss, then captured it between them before he nipped it with his teeth, sending shivers down her spine. The gesture peaked Penelope's nipples further and her center heated and pulsed, desperate for his touch. She burrowed in closer to him and held him to her, her fingernails scraping across the back of his neck as she cried out as her body rushed, made even acute when his tongue darted in the shell of her ear.
"That is exquisite." Penelope said on a moan. "May I do it to you?"
Colin was quickly learning that Penelope was as keen to please him as he was her and just as curious and nodded. He nearly jumped from the sofa with her in his arms at the first touch from her, for she went in reverse of him, nibbling at his ear first, then soothing it with her soft lips, but when her tongue slipped in the shell of his ear as he had done hers his eyes rolled back in his very head.
This woman made passion rip through him as he had never known before, and he would be quite happy to kiss her for the rest of their days.
Penelope hungered to explore his skin as he had hers, for it felt superb and if they were learning together then she wanted to make him feel as magnificent as he was making hers. She moved her tongue, teeth and lips across his neck, to the spot just under his ear, and down to the base of his throat but was prevented going any further by the buttons of his shirt.
She pulled away to look at him, but he tugged her close once more to resume his kisses.
"Colin, could we not move to our bed?" Penelope panted into his ear when lips found the soft skin of her neck and he hesitated, pulling back, cursing himself for what he was about to do.
"Not yet, my Pen. Our relationship has gotten completely out of order, for we have taken nearly the last step before any other. Let me appreciate you, adore you, cherish you, spoil you and romance you. You are my world, and you deserve everything."
They were sweet words, and it was a touching sentiment, yet Penelope sighed heavily and nuzzled her face into the column of Colin's strong neck to press soft, needy kisses there.
"But Colin I want to wait no longer." Penelope said shamelessly between her kisses.
"Nor do I want to make you wait any longer and I assure you that I will find it just as difficult, my sweet Pen, but I wish to do something right with you for once." Colin replied, cupping her chin to still her seductive ministrations but pressing his lips to her forehead to soften his gesture.
"I love you and what could be more right than loving me?" Penelope asked, moving away to pin him with her round eyes and he almost crumbled from her look alone, which he was certain she knew.
He foresaw many lost debates in his future as he gazed into the pleading depths of her lovely cerulean eyes, her beautiful face and the gentle caress to the base of his throat, yet he felt he was doing the right thing by not yielding. He wanted to, lord how he wanted her, but he had made countless mistakes, delusions and oversights regarding Penelope too many times that needed to be repaired and to make her feel loved, treasured and cherished before he claimed her body as his
"I love you very much, my beautiful wife, but I have made so many errors with you that I wish to correct. Let us back up and begin at the proper step. Let me court you and regale you with gifts. You are a lady who has desired romance your entire life, for all the books you have read, and I am a gentleman who wants to be the one to give it to you, as you are entitled and deserve." Colin answered tenderly.
Penelope was emotional under his words, concern and forethought, tempted to throw herself into his arms once more but continued her protests instead. "We are sea-bound and there are no gifts, nor courting activities to be had here."
Colin smiled and could not stop himself from capturing her lips in another kiss, which she eagerly returned on a contented sigh as she sank into his arms, once again testing his resolve and questioning his sanity. She breathed out his name and moved her fingers up to sift through the chestnut hair at the nape of his neck and he whimpered under her touch.
"Colin, could you not touch me here?" Penelope asked, dragging his hands dangerously close to her breasts. "After all, you have already done so, as that's why we are married. Is it really breaking any of your rules if you were to do it now?"
For a lady who had one kiss before this night she appeared to be well-equipped as a most alluring temptress who was doing her damndest to undo him and strip him of all his best intentions. Rules indeed.
"Perhaps next time, my darling. I fear I am at my limit this even, lest my resolve be tested." Colin managed when her lips found his ear again.
Then promptly pulled her to him so that his lips could resume his passionate onslaught and stroke her tongue with his once more, one hand coming even closer to her breast but resisting the urge to cup it through her shirt…barely. Her yearning and contented noises nearly unraveling him.
"I have never felt such flutterings over my person, my love, for your kisses set me aglow." She whispered when he finally released her lips but not her body from his grasp, as he continued to stroke his hands up and down her spine.
"As does yours, Pen. I feel as if my blood is boiling within and my stomach dips with every brush of your fingertips."
"As for courting you while being sea-bound, I am quite the resourceful man…" Colin said, returning to his original topic, with a pained sigh as he snuggled into the smoothness of her neck for another kiss to her ivory flesh for a moment before reluctantly lifting her from his lap to another set of her objections.
He rose from the sofa, lit a few of the candles in the dark room and moved to the trunk that he had tucked the love notes that he'd written earlier. He selected one but knew not which he had chosen but it mattered not, for they would all be hers.
He returned to the sofa and settled next to her before pulling her securely into this side once more, wrapping his arm around her and pressing the note into her hand.
Penelope turned it over to look at the folded parchment, she'd recognize Colin's familiar handwriting anywhere even if he had not just handed it to her. He'd drawn a heart on the front and written her name prominently with his particular flourish and even now felt the customary warming surge in her belly whenever she received any correspondence from him, but especially now when it read Mrs. Penelope Bridgerton instead of Miss Penelope Featherington. She rather thought it was the first time he had written it as such and she became a bit overwhelmed, elated tears threatening to spill forth again.
He could not see her face, but, intuitive man that he was, Colin seemed to sense it for he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head and held her even tighter to him.
"Is it any wonder why I have loved you for so long Colin Bridgerton? I challenge anyone to bring forth a more kindhearted and tender man than you."
"I just want to be worthy of you and earn the love that you bestow upon me, Penelope." He said, not able to resist kissing her lightly.
"I want you to be nothing more than what you are, for you always have been enough simply by being you, my love." Penelope whispered, squeezing his hand briefly when he released her, certain that she had now made him similarly teary eyed. She unfolded the paper to read his most romantic words yet.
My love,
You command my heart and always have, as you always will, for it is you and I, as it always has been.
Your devoted love,
Colin
Colin read over her shoulder to see which she had been presented with, running his hand up and down her arm tantalizingly but affectionately.
"From the moment we met, Pen, it has always been you and me. I seek you out wherever we may be because you are the flame and I am but the moth drawn to your being. You are clever, warm, amusing, and lovely and you make me feel as if I am the most important person in the world. You excite me, you calm me, and you hear me. I am the third born Bridgerton who can get lost in the shuffle, yet you see me. My heart is no longer my own, for you are its longtime owner, Penelope."
It appeared Colin was to kill her with tenderness tonight. Penelope lifted her hand to stroke his chest lovingly, directly over the heart he proclaimed to be hers and felt it thumping madly against her palm.
"Will you join me for a promenade and a picnic on the deck tomorrow? You would honor me if you allow to escort you." Colin asked.
"Colin, everyone would stare at us if we were to picnic topside instead of eating in the dining room." Penelope giggled, but he noted the lack of refusal.
"We are newlyweds on our honeymoon, they would think nothing of it." He assured her.
"Then I thank you for your compliments and attentions, Mr. Bridgerton, and would be delighted to accept your invitation."
"The delight is on my side, I assure you, formerly of course, Miss Featherington." His lips were near her ear as he continued to whisper to her, sending fresh shivers down her spine. "One more kiss before we sleep, currently, inevitably, Mrs. Bridgerton?"
Penelope nodded and turned her face to him eagerly, ready to accept whatever he wanted to give her but briefly paused.
"Colin, shall I continue to sleep on the sofa?" She asked.
"That would be absurd. We spent all day there when you were seasick. We can share; I will stay on my side of the bed as you will stay on yours." Colin smiled before taking her lips again for another soul stirring, nay soul stealing kiss.
It was quite a ridiculous statement on his part, for before they'd even fallen asleep they had found their arms around each other, cuddled into the other's body and whispered their words of love until dreams claimed them.