Testing Audio -DK Principessa

by kibass91

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49. The Night Brings Change

Summary:

Penelope Featherington has tried both subtly and not-so-subtly to tell Colin that her cousin is pregnant with another man's child and wants to pass the child off as Colin's with a hasty marriage to hide the deception. However, no matter what she tells him, her friend is unwilling to see her actions as anything else but jealousy and a want of Colin for herself.

In a last-ditch effort to save Colin from a horrible marriage and a life of painful obligation should the deception come to light, she slips out of her family's Mayfair home the night before Colin and Marina have agreed to run away to Gretna Green to elope… set on publishing a last-minute edition of Lady Whistledown's column bringing light to Marina's duplicitous acts. But, as she stands there in the dark of the Mayfair street, she decides to choose another option instead; an option that in one night brings change the likes of which she never imagined and the sort of love that will last a lifetime.

Notes:

This story was written for the November 2024 Time Travel/Fix-It writing challenge on Rough Trade. https//

I've become obsessed with the Bridgerton fandom in the last few months, especially with the Penthony pairing. My computer is filled with story ideas, so this won't likely be the only story I post featuring them falling in love instead of with their canon pairings.

Technically, this is my second story in the Bridgerton fandom, but the first story (Feral Hearts and Wallflowers Bloom) is still a work in progress on my hard drive, which I'll hopefully post soon. I wrote Feral Hearts for another Rough Trade challenge, and I am mulling over how to continue it after I got about halfway into it (about 12,000 words) and realized it felt too stiff. We'll see if I can make it into something I like.

Finally, this is kind of a thank you to the many Penthony writers on A03 who made me fall in love with this pairing... IrishRose30, ynnej2198, EmmyKate88... you three have really captured Penthony perfectly (whether it's Regency or Modera Era flavored) and I hope to give you a little back in regards to Penthony entertainment. Anyways, enjoy!

Edited to Add:

The parts of the letters to and from Anthony/Penelope that have a

strikethrough

are both inner thoughts and writing that is actually crossed out on the letter, so they aren't readable on the actual letters.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Chapter One

25th July, 1813

Penelope had spent weeks trying to figure out how to resolve the current predicament without airing both the Bridgertons' and her family's dirty laundry via Lady Whistledown to the world. Doing so would humiliate Colin irreparably and potentially cause a permanent divide between the Featherington and Bridgerton families that couldn't be traversed.

After too many times to count trying to dissuade Marina from setting her sights on Colin, even tearfully pleading with her to choose any other man of the Ton and getting nothing less than ridicule for her efforts, Penelope decided to tell Colin the truth. The first time had been after the painfully awkward engagement dinner with Lady Bridgerton and Lord Bridgerton… Colin hadn't understood what she was really saying, only taking in that Marina had been in love with another man before coming to London, either willfully ignoring her subtle hints of Marina being with child or not truly understanding her deeper meaning with a naïveté that bordered on willfully ignorant.

After a few days, Penelope settled her anxious worries and nervousness, and tried again… this time being as blunt as possible to ensure Colin truly understood what she was saying. This time had even less success than the first if it could be believed… even if Colin finally understood what she had been trying to tell him for weeks now. The second conversation she would never forget, but for all the wrong reasons.

"...what do you mean she is with child, Miss Thompson is a Lady, she would never…

"...Pen, I am so disappointed you would tell such lies…"

"...I will try to forget this conversation for the good of our friendship, Penelope, and that of my future wife; Miss Thompson can never know that her cousin would stoop to such lows as to try to keep her from finding happiness…"

"...I understand you may harbor feelings for me, but you must know they are unrequited and never will be returned…"

"...I think it best we not talk for a little while, my negative thoughts about you and this conversation might get the best of me…"

"...I think it best you consider how horrible you have been to not only Miss Thompson but to me as well."

The aggrieved sigh that followed was particularly painful, and, even more so, rage-inducing. It was as if Colin was chastising a child who had misbehaved repeatedly instead of speaking to a friend of a similar age who was only trying to keep him from making a massive mistake.

"Goodnight, Penelope."

It was a conversation that broke Penelope's heart, cracking the foundation of her love for Colin in a final way that she knew they would never truly recover from, even if the friendship remained in some way.

Since that night, Colin had avoided Penelope and when he hadn't been able to do so he had kept conversation at a minimum, only staring at her with a look of disappointment and frustration. She tried a final time, but Colin had quickly stopped her before she'd uttered more than a few words on the subject. She hadn't tried to dissuade him since, if her telling him three times that Marina was pregnant with another man's child and in love with that man didn't have any effect on the outcome, what would?

Of course, when she learned of Colin and Marina's plans to sneak off in the middle of the night to Gretna Green… let alone what would come of a scandal of a quick elopement on top of an early child, everything changed. No matter the state of her friendship with Colin, she could not allow him to be unknowingly trapped in a loveless marriage, to be ruthlessly cuckolded by a woman who sees him as only a means to an end to save herself and her child, and nothing else. Penelope meant no ill will to Marina, she even understood her desperation to a point, but she would not allow her to deceive Colin in such a way, possibly breaking his heart and his happiness irrevocably in the process. She could see a future of bitterness and despair for Colin and she could not bear that being Colin's fate… so she began to write a column that would finally shed light on the horrible situation and save him from such a fate, at the expense of Marina's reputation and that of Penelope's family.

During the late hours when the previous night sees its last moments and the coming morning is nearly set to arrive, Penelope quietly slipped out of the Featherington House with a damning column in hand. It was then when she contemplated making a different choice than she had ever considered before, a choice that brought the sort of change that would lead her life in a direction she never considered. She'd stood in Grosvenor Square ready to turn right towards the hired hack waiting to take her to her printer's shop in Bloomsbury when her eyes strayed towards Bridgerton House across the square. Looking at Bridgerton House, she suddenly thought about Lady Bridgerton and her kind, understanding eyes. She's not sure what changed her mind, but with a deep sigh and a prayer that this was the right course of action, Penelope instead tucked the column into her reticule and made her way across the square with a determination that would set the tone for the events to come, and knocked on the door of Bridgerton House.

It took a bit of time for the footman on duty to answer the door and even longer for him to go fetch a sleeping Lady Bridgerton for the dreaded conversation ahead. Penelope felt her heart racing and her mind whirled with all the ways this could go even worse than her conversation with Colin, but it was the thought of Colin's possible bitter future that gave her the strength to not flee in the night with a mumbled excuse.

"Penelope, my dear, what is the matter? Is everything alright? Is your family well?" Lady Bridgerton hurries into the entryway where Penelope paced incessantly.

"Lady Bridgerton, I have something to tell you…"

The conversation with Lady Bridgerton had been painful, but she pushed through it as she explained everything. Marina's pregnancy and her effort to quickly secure a husband so that she could hide it, Penelope's effort to tell Colin herself several times, and finally, her finding out that Colin and Marina planned to run away to Gretna Green in the early hours of the coming morning. Lady Bridgerton had been horrified and very quickly had the footman go wake Lord Bridgerton and Benedict to take part in further conversation. Explaining everything again under the watchful eye of the two eldest Bridgerton men had been a trial of bravery, fortitude, and awkwardness that could never be understated.

Lord Anthony Bridgerton was the epitome of brooding intensity and faced with that intensity trained solely on her, it had made Penelope quiver in ways she'd never felt before. Halfway through her story, as she explained Marina's plan to entrap Colin in a loveless marriage and fool him into believing the child was his, Lord Bridgerton had cursed quietly and fiercely before stalking over to his liquor cabinet and poured a remarkably full tumbler of whiskey, knocking it back in one fell swoop. Penelope had stopped her tale while he fortified himself and watched him process the shocking news so far, knowing that she had more to tell him and wondering how he would take it all. After, he'd exhaled loudly and then refilled his tumbler of whiskey along with three others which he passed to them silently (with notably far less whiskey than his or Benedict's in the tumblers he handed to Penelope and Lady Bridgerton). Sitting down at his desk chair again, he'd trained those intense eyes back on her and quietly requested she continue.

At the end of her tale, after she finished explaining Marina and Colin's plans to steal away in a few hours to Gretna Green to elope, Penelope sat quietly and waited, bright blue eyes meeting whiskey brown eyes. She heard Benedict swear softly nearby but didn't take her eyes off of the Viscount. Lord Bridgerton didn't speak, he instead sipped his whiskey and met her eyes unflinchingly as his mind no doubt ran through all the details of her tale and the solutions to the problems before them. It was one thing that had always captivated Penelope over the length of her relationship with the Bridgertons, how the man had been equal parts a boisterous, brash, actionable man and yet, a quiet, thoughtful man of deliberation. Two sides of a coin pressed into his very being; the stamp forever embossed on the day the late Edmund Bridgerton died unexpectedly, leaving an 18-year-old Anthony Bridgerton with a weight on his shoulders that shaped the man before the mold was truly ready to be set.

Without speaking, Lord Bridgerton stood up and stepped out of the room for a moment, his strong, somber voice heard from the hallway as he requested the footman go wake Colin to have him come to the Viscount's study. It was quiet for a few minutes in the hallway, Lord Bridgeton probably taking a moment to gather his thoughts and temper his anger at the situation, before the man walked back into the room and made his way to Penelope, kneeling on one knee in front of her. A gasp escaped Penelope when the man grabbed her hand, their ungloved skin meeting for the first time with a startling sensation that overwhelmed her, and then he raised her hand to his soft lips, pressing a kiss to her skin with a heartfelt murmur. "Thank you, Penelope. I know what you have done tonight was difficult, but you have not only saved this family from further ruin and scandal, you have saved Colin from a truly horrible fate."

Penelope felt the eyes of both Benedict and Lady Bridgerton on them, but she found herself unwilling and unable to take her eyes away from Lord Bridgerton's.

When Colin stumbled his way into Lord Bridgerton's study a few moments later, he'd stopped suddenly at the sight of his eldest brother still on his knees in front of Penelope, her small hand cradled softly by his much larger one, Lady Bridgerton and Benedict sitting quietly next to them.

"What's going on? Why is Pen here and what are you doing on your knees in front of her, Ant?"

"Sit down, Colin." Lord Bridgerton said roughly and pointed to the chair next to Benedict, never taking his eyes away from Penelope. With a final squeeze to Penelope's hand and a quick uptick of his lips in a half-smile at her, he stood, gave Colin a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and returned to his desk chair.

The conversation that followed had cemented Penelope's resolve to let go of her unrequited love for him once and for all. Colin had at first reacted the same as their last two conversations, denying the truth and slightly condescendingly rebuffing Penelope's claims as nothing more than jealousy and her trying to stop him from marrying Marina in a useless attempt to keep Colin for herself. But, as Lady Bridgerton and his brothers talked, he'd slowly but surely folded in on himself as the truth became unwaveringly clear. Lord Bridgerton spoke of his hesitance regarding the engagement from the very start and his suspicions as to why Marina and Lady Featherington were so eager for a quick wedding. The most damning of all was the letter from George Crane to Marina that Penelope had been able to squirrel away, denouncing his responsibility for the child and any further involvement with Marina (which later turned out to be a fake letter written by her mother's housekeeper at her request, but was evidence nonetheless of the overall situation).

Two hours after he'd been awoken in the middle of the night to a truly unpleasant tale of duplicity that would have left his brother cuckolded for the rest of his life, Anthony guided Penelope out of his study and through the house, having left his mother and Benedict to comfort Colin within.

It was as they rounded a corner that Anthony watched the tears that Miss Featherington had no doubt held at bay for hours finally took hold. Stopping, he stood there in an uncomfortable silence; Anthony had no idea what to do. He'd always struggled to comfort his family in moments like this, feeling as if he lacked the emotional intelligence to truly offer anything other than stilted words that felt not nearly enough in comparison to the moment. Anthony had often left that kind of comfort in the better hands of his mother and Benedict, who both excelled in knowing just what to say and when to say it.

With a sniffle, Miss Featherington reached into her reticule to grab a handkerchief and dabbed away the tears as inconspicuously as possible.

"Forgive me, my lord, I seemed to have lost my sense of propriety somewhere in the last few hours. What you must think of me, crying in front of a man I hardly know."

"No forgiveness is required; you have just spent two hours explaining an uncomfortable tale of deceit about a member of your household and then had to suffer the disbelief, anger, and despair of a friend you hold dear. It is only to be expected that such an event would cause an emotional upheaval." Anthony fleetingly thought of taking her hand to offer comfort, but the thought quickly passed, not only was that improper, but he had no idea if it was even welcome.

"Thank you, my lord, I think it best I get home before my absence is noted." Miss Featherington turned and began walking away, as she did Anthony noticed a piece of parchment reveal itself from under her skirts, clearly having fallen out of her reticule when she searched for her handkerchief.

Anthony reached down and picked it up. Just as he began to read the flowing script before him, Miss Featherington's voice exclaimed, "No wait, my lord!"

Miss Featherington scrambled back towards him and extended her hand to grab the parchment, but Anthony having read enough to know the damning evidence he held in his hand, scowled, clasped her hand in his, and dragged her into a little used study nearby before closing the door swiftly… closing the two of them off to the rest of the world.

"What is this, Miss Featherington? Or should I say, Lady Whistledown?" Anthony growled.

Miss Featherington met his eyes, hers wide in panic and embarrassment.

"My lord, I do not know what you mean, it is merely a-"

Anthony raised an eyebrow in complete disbelief at the denial falling from her lips. Miss Featherington sighed, her shoulder slumped in defeat.

"Alright, yes, I am Lady Whistledown. I wrote that column after my last three conversations with Colin proved little result, nor that of my conversations with my cousin as well; I had intended to have an emergency column printed before Colin and Miss Thompson could leave for Gretna Green. I was leaving to take the column to the printers, but shortly after I left my family's home I took a moment to think further and realized a column revealing to the entire Ton that Miss Thompson was with child and that she intended to entrap Colin might not be the best course of action."

Miss Featherington turned away from him and he watched from the reflection in the mirror in front of her as she pressed a hand to her chest and took a few calming breaths.

"We should all be so lucky that the great Lady Whistledown chose to not print more salacious scandal at the expense of those around her." He barked out, gripping the parchment tightly in his anger.

The woman whirled around with a fire in her eyes that took his breath away.

"Oh yes, the virtuous Viscount Anthony Bridgerton, prevailer of propriety and such sensible actions taking a moment to sling barbed words at the woman who helped your family several times with that "salacious scandal". Might I remind you that it was you who took agency away from your dear sister in the marriage mart, trapping her on all sides from finding a suitable match of her own choosing? Treating the action of helping her find a husband as both a chore to be quickly done away with and as a task that could never be properly achieved; for who could be worthy of such a beloved sister? Choosing instead a detestable man who when discarded for another, one that was a far more sensible option, used bribery and ruin of her and your family to try to gain your sister's hand in marriage?" Miss Featherington stalked forward and pressed a sharp finger into his chest to make her point. "Do not think for one moment I am unaware that you and your family used my column to save Daphne from such a horrible fate. I had already been working on finding secrets that would have discredited Lord Berbrooke, but your mother filtered incriminating information through the female half of the Ton and its servants to catch my ear to help Daphne and your family nonetheless."

The woman paced back and forth in front of Anthony, her skin flushed in anger, her eyes bright in righteous fury at him. In the place of the meek, quiet girl who had settled on the periphery of his life since she had made friends with Eloise all those years ago, was a fully-fledged woman now. Standing strong and fierce in front of a man who held power, wealth, and physical strength over her the likes of which she would be powerless to go against. She was a vision of stunning beauty and he was rendered speechless before her.

"I started the column as a way to find a voice in a world where a timid wallflower such as myself could be heard and seen, even if no one truly knew it was me they were listening to. However, I take pride in what I write; nothing is lies, everything is truth. I shine a light on the secrets in the Ton that heavily influence the lives of so many, in both good and bad ways. Oftentimes, those secrets negatively affect the most vulnerable and leave the powerful, the most wealthy, completely unscathed; my column helps to equal that disparity." Coming to a stop, Miss Featherington finally turned back towards him and moved to within a foot in front of him with a smirk. "You should be thankful I do not print every salacious scandal that finds its way into my purview, instead I try to squash those rumors because of my love for your family… such as the rumor that Daphne and the Duke were seen wrapped in a lustful embrace in a dark garden during a ball or rumors such as rakish eligible bachelors of the Ton having carnal relations with a well-known opera singer under the bleachers during a prized fight?"

Anthony pressed forward into her space and growled, "And what do you know about that? A genteel lady such as yourself should have no inkling of what you speak of?"

Laughing softly, her smirk still in place, she spoke. "Wallflowers like me go unnoticed by everyone, you would be surprised at the things one can hear when nobody deigns to notice you."

Breathing heavily, Anthony stared down at her smirking face and felt a frisson of want cascade down his spine. It was wholly unexpected and he had no idea what to do with it. He couldn't help but notice her lovely heaving bosom, encased in another dreadful yellow monstrosity of a dress that her mother forced on her… the ampleness of her breasts glistening with perspiration from their heated argument drew his eye.

They stood there looking at one another for a few moments, both unflinching in their gaze. The sound of the grandfather clock in the hall striking four times finally broke the moment and Anthony stepped back with a sigh. Running his hands through his disheveled hair, Anthony spoke. "I will admit that you have helped my family in several different ways and we, especially Daphne, would be in an untenable situation should you not have written in our favor. Nonetheless, I find myself uncomfortable with the knowledge of you being Lady Whistledown and what you could have published tonight instead of coming here."

"You are right, I could have possibly done more damage than the help I intended had I gone through with my plan, and I am sorry for that. However, I felt trapped in the knowledge of what was being done and I was unable to convince Colin of Miss Thompason's treacherous behavior." A tear let loose from her lovely blue eyes as he watched her, it dropped onto her alabaster cheek and he clenched his fist, ignoring the sudden urge to cup her cheek and wipe it away. "I do try to be circumspect about the subjects I write about, but I know it would behoove me to put more thought into each word I write in the future."

They stood there for a moment before Anthony sighed in relief.

"I thank you, Lady Whistledown…" Anthony grinned slightly as he spoke. "I will keep your counsel in this matter, no one should hear of your identity from me."

Anthony then turned to open the door and held his arm out for her to take.

"My thanks, Lord Bridgerton." Miss Featherington whispered with a smile and wrapped her arm around his so that he could walk her safely back to Featherington House, the shadows of the night hiding them from any prying eyes.

After Penelope had revealed Marina's secrets, things happened in a very quick manner. What followed was a quietly broken engagement to the shock of the Ton, Marina quickly married George Crane's brother after he'd come to take responsibility for his brother's child in the face of George's death, and Colin quickly leaving England for his Grand Tour, a heartbroken mess.

The day before Colin was set to begin his Grand Tour, he and Penelope found themselves alone in the hall at Bridgerton House after Penelope had joined Eloise and Lady Bridgerton for tea. She'd been on her way home when Colin had rounded the corner and came to a sudden halt with a grimace on his face that sent a sharp pain shooting through her chest.

"Penelope." His voice was steady, monotone; his use of her full name was startling, he'd begun to call her Pen exclusively just a few days after they'd met for the first time and rarely, if ever, used her full name since.

Biting her lower lip, Penelope avoided his eyes and the complicated emotions on his face. "Colin, how are you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Ready to leave and get away for a while. I was returning from a ride this morning when Miss Thompson… I mean Lady Crane, left with Lord Crane for their country estate, and her face was set in a saddened frown, her eyes were so lifeless. It left me wondering if I could have made her happier, my love supporting her and the child she carries… if you hadn't told my brother instead of me, I could have saved her."

Giving a small huff of annoyance, Penelope spoke, "I tried, repeatedly, to tell you she was in love with someone else and with child, but you wouldn't listen to me. You labeled all three conversations as the result of jealousy, your mind was set in stone to ignore me."

"You could have tried harder, Penelope; Miss Thompson and I deserved to work it out on our own. Your actions have ensured that will never happen, Anthony wouldn't even let me speak to her. Now she's married to a man she doesn't love and my heart is broken."

"She would have been married to a man she didn't love either way, Colin, no matter what you think. She chose you because you were preferable to her other option, the elderly Lord Rutledge, but at the end of the day, she still sought to deceive you by inferring that she loved you and making you think the child she carries was your own. She told me herself that she chose you because not only were you handsome and rich, but that you were gullible, that you would be easily persuaded to marry her and very quickly. Your marriage would have been based on a massive lie that would have become obvious to you, your family, and more than likely the Ton very quickly."

"She loved me, I know it, and we could have worked it out."

"How? She was unwilling to be honest with you until she had secured her marriage to you, and even then I doubt she would have ever told you unless she had no other choice." Penelope felt sure that Marina would have taken the truth to her grave if she were given the chance and she wouldn't have regretted trapping Colin while doing it. Marina might have had some form of affection for Colin, but it was clear that she didn't love him and at the end of the day only saw him as a means to an end.

"You don't know that; the reason you went to Anthony is because you couldn't stand to see me with anyone else besides you. You interfered where you were not wanted because of your unrequited infatuation with me, now she is lost to me and it's all your fault!" Colin yelled, stepping closer and towering over Penelope.

"Step away from Miss Featherington at once, Colin." Lord Bridgerton's voice growled from behind her.

Penelope turned her head and watched Lord Bridgerton swiftly stride down the hall towards them before stepping in between her and Colin in a protective stance.

"Apologize to Miss Featherington this instant. Mother and I did not raise you to treat a lady in such a way, let alone a dear friend who saved you from a marriage and a life I assure you that you would have come to resent very quickly."

Colin let out a sharp breath and cleared his throat, a single tear falling onto his cheek. His shoulders slumped as all of the fight left him and only despair was left in its place. Raising his head, Colin met her eyes from where she was standing halfway hidden behind Lord Bridgerton.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Pen; I just feel like the rug has been swept out from beneath me and I don't know what to do."

Sighing, Penelope stepped out from behind Lord Bridgerton and briefly squeezed Colin's forearm in comfort. "Thank you for the apology. I know that what has happened is hard for you to deal with and your emotions are heightened right now, so I understand and forgive you for your words. I'm sorry if you think I've handled this situation wrong, but after trying other means this was what I was left with; my only excuse is that I honestly felt the marriage Lady Crane intended to trap you in would have created a life filled with resentment, anger, and bitter betrayal that would have stripped you of happiness for the foreseeable future."

Nodding, Colin rubbed the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was embarrassed and didn't know how to deal with his emotions.

"I had better go, mother will want to soon begin preparing for the ball tonight at Hastings House." Penelope said softly, wanting to give Colin a chance to leave without further delay.

"I will see you out, Miss Featherington." Lord Bridgerton said and offered his arm to walk her out.

"Thank you, Lord Bridgerton."

With one last look at a defeated Colin, Penelope allowed Lord Bridgerton to guide her down the hall and towards the front entrance to Bridgerton House.

"I am sorry for my brother's harsh words to you and his threatening manner." The man said as they reached the front entryway and came to a stop, a footman stood at the front door ready to open it for them, but far enough away to not hear their conversation. Lord Bridgerton quietly assessed her with a look on his face that she couldn't quite understand.

"I suppose you heard about my… affections for him?" Penelope blushed, not able to meet his eyes.

"I did." Lord Bridgerton said hesitantly. "Though if I am honest, I have known about your affections for my brother for some time. I do hope his rejection of those affections did not cause too much undue stress. Colin should have treated you better than he has."

"He spoke some truth even if most of it was laced in resentment… I do have a hopeless and unrequited infatuation with him, and that did affect how I treated the situation as you know after other secrets came to light last night." Penelope's lips twitched as she met his eyes briefly. "It is time I finally put that infatuation to bed, it serves neither of us well. I stand firm in my actions of not going the other route, but maybe I was too hasty in speaking to you and Lady Bridgerton… maybe I should have tried harder to tell Colin in private?"

Lord Bridgerton laid his hand over the one she had resting on his arm and leaned his face down so that he could better meet her eyes. "It is my belief that you made the right choice of all the choices laid at your feet. If Colin had married her and found out the child wasn't his afterward, he would have been heartbroken and his marriage with that woman would have been fraught with numerous problems for the rest of their lives. Moreover, the stain of not only a hasty marriage through elopement and a child born far too early would have caused an untold scandal that would have affected not only him but the rest of the family as well. The scandal of it would have followed all of my siblings for years and would have no doubt hindered marriage prospects for them as well. I hope that if you take nothing else away from this conversation, you take my words of thanks and confirmation of your choice of actions to heart."

"Thank you. You are a wonderful man, Lord Bridgerton, and an even better brother. Your love and protection of your family is something we should all strive for." Penelope held his gaze and gave him a sad smile. "I appreciate your candor and your words, but there was a grain of truth in what he said."

"Nonetheless, how he spoke to you was unacceptable and I am ashamed to have been unable to prevent it from happening."

"I do not blame you, Lord Bridgerton. You have always treated me with the utmost respect and kindness. You have helped your mother to raise your siblings in a manner that I greatly admire, even though you yourself are still learning what right actions to take after having such a weight thrust upon you at a young age. You and Lady Bridgerton have done a wonderful job, but at the end of the day your siblings all make their own choices and are responsible for their own actions." She spoke the truth even if her heart hurt from the words Colin spoke. Penelope had known somewhere in the depths of him that Colin knew she wasn't the cause, but it was one more push that swung the death knell on her love into motion. "As I said to Colin, I'm aware that these are unusual circumstances and he is allowed a little grace during this time, even if the words were less than pleasant to hear."

"You are truly a remarkable woman, Miss Featherington, my family and I are lucky to have been blessed with your friendship."

Blushing, Penelope smiled and curtsied to him before taking her leave, feeling Lord Bridgerton's eyes on her as she walked away until the footman closed the front door behind her.

The next day when Colin departed for Greece, Penelope breathed her last breath as a woman who was in love with a softhearted boy and took her first breath as a woman with an unknown future in front of her, a love yet unwritten.

Chapter Two

14th August, 1813

Miss Featherington,

I write to you now on the matter of two subjects. it would be three subjects if I knew how to even begin asking questions in regards to your secret life as Lady Whistledown or if I knew how to move forward after the thoughts that plagued my mind while you dressed me down in your glorious righteous fury

First, upon waking this morning I received the sad news of Lord Featherington's passing. I want to take this moment to extend my condolences for the loss to you and your family. The loss of a father is never easy and at such a young age it can make the loss feel even greater. Just the thought of the grief and heartbreak you must be feeling at this moment causes an ache in my chest I can all too easily imagine the heartbreak and unease that must be prevalent in your home at this time, along with uncertainty of the future. If there is anything I can do for you or your family in this troubled time, please do let me know.

Secondly, I would like to reassure you that I have confirmed with my mother, Colin, and Benedict that all three of them promise to never breathe a word of who told us of Lady Crane's condition. It can be difficult to go against one's family in the face of conscientious actions, but I applaud you for your bravery despite the possible censure of Lady Crane and your family should they ever know the source of information that led to the broken engagement. You have saved my brother from a marriage filled with bitter disappointment and lovelessness, and the knowledge that the child he might have raised is not his own. Additionally, you have saved our family a scandal even more perilous than the one we are currently embroiled in… at the expense of your family's reputation. Colin may not yet see your actions for the boon they truly are, nor the affections you hold for him that could bring him great joy in life should he ever remove the blinders from his eyes but I do, and so I must tell you how grateful I am that we Bridgertons have been blessed with your unwavering friendship and affection.

Ardently Grateful,

Lord Anthony Bridgerton

16th August, 1813

Lord Bridgerton,

Thank you for your condolences on behalf of my family and myself. The death of my papa has sent a ripple of trepidation through our household that I feel we may not shake collectively for some time. I look forward to our eventual retirement to the country for the off-season as the eyes of the Ton, full of eagerness for more gossip in regards to the scandal or condescending pity for the plight of the "less fortunate", is something I could most assuredly do without.

Your further thanks are received, but not needed. My actions on that night weighed on me for a variety of reasons, but not one regret remains in me despite the fallout of my family's standing in the Ton. The thought of Colin facing a future such as what was ahead of him led me to many sleepless nights as I wrestled with what path was best to take, as you know. I wonder what might have come from the result if I had followed through with my course of penning a Lady Whistledown column exposing the truth in even more scandal and ruin, both for your family and my own… probably nothing good other than putting an end to Marina's deceit In light of the current outcome, I believe I took the best path with the information in front of me. The path I had intended to take would have caused a wealth of problems both within our two families in the Ton as well as possibly my relationship with your family, which I might be honest is the most fulfilling relationship I have, my own blood family included.

As for Colin, though I was stung by his words and actions, I know that above all else Colin is a kind man who is merely embroiled in pain and embarrassment at the current moment, and so I have tried to keep that in mind as he works through his emotions. I have come away from the situation with a resolve to be more circumspect in how I lead my life and how I continue with Lady Whistledown, knowing I might have unintentionally inflicted even more pain and heartbreak into the focus of the entire Ton by bringing Colin's humiliation of possibly being cuckolded and deceived into thinking another man's child his own I shudder to think of what might have happened if Colin become aware that it was I who penned that column bringing his humiliation to light Our friendship will find steady ground again, I am sure, even if that friendship changes shape from what it has been in the past or never returns to the depth it once was.

Eloise has told me your family is set to leave London in a day's time for Aubrey Hall, so I wish you a safe journey and a relaxing off-season away from the judgemental eyes of the Ton.

Yours in Friendship,

Miss Penelope Featherington

24th September, 1813

Miss Featherington,

It has come to my attention that my brother has been writing to you on his travels and I find myself unsure of the welcome of those letters after the events at the end of the Season. or the propriety of them I am writing to you to confirm your approval of his writing to you and that of your lady mother. If letters from him are unwelcome please do let me know and I will put an end to them forthwith.

How is your off-season coming along so far? I hope your family has made it through the unusually hot end of Summer so far with aplomb; my family waits in welcome for the cooler weather of Fall, as days spent outside on our favorite pastime of Pall Mall have been a test of determination in the face of brutal heat. As you are probably well aware, we Bridgertons are a stubborn and competitive lot, and adding in extreme heat has only increased the tempers of my siblings and I.

I hope this letter finds you well, and that you and your family are doing well despite the passing of your father at the end of the Season.

Warm Regards,

Anthony Bridgerton

1st October, 1813

Lord Bridgerton,

I will admit the first few letters from and to Colin were less than comfortable as we found our feet once again and tested the waters of the level of depth our friendship will have from now on, but we have found decent footing recently and his letters are not unwelcome. I must also admit my mother is unaware of Colin's letters, but I think it best she continues to remain so, for two divergent but related reasons. First, my mother has never been greatly interested in the goings on in my life beyond the push to increase what little marriageability I have, do I have any at this point? I t feels as if the eligible men of the Ton have decided collectively that I have nothing to offer, even that of a womb to grow an heir and nothing more so rather than face the reality of her distinct lack of interest in me or my day to day life, I would like to save myself the trouble. Second, as you might have gleaned in interactions with my mother through the years or from tales from Eloise or Colin, my mother's desire to climb the ladder of status in society and wealth is great. Were she to learn of his letters she might try to use them for her own gain to force a marriage upon Colin and I, no matter that nothing within them speaks to an impropriety other than him sending me the letters in and of themselves. As we have discussed, I have recently decided to step away from my affections for Colin and find footing as a woman wholly unattached to a romantic focus. If I may be so blunt, the thought of marriage to Colin two months ago would have thrilled me beyond reason, but now in light of everything I can no longer find happiness in such imaginings. Additionally, I find my thoughts straying more and more to you in a way that leaves me confused and breathless in equal turn i t's utterly baffling how two interactions with you in the span of a few days could make such an impression upon me the warmth in your eyes as you knelt before me and kissed my ungloved hand, the quiet intensity of your eyes as we fought over Lady Whistledown… all of it sends shivers down my spine, echoing like waves upon the shore

You may do with the information about my mother what you will, I would understand if you chose to abruptly end Colin's letters to me or that of your own letters; though I have found great comfort in both. I have come to accept that I have no control over my mother's less-than-decorous actions, despite my disapproval of them. In light of that, I have also come to accept that I have no control over how her actions affect my life, such as how society views me. Or in this case, how you may choose to put distance between myself and your family to avoid the mechanisms my mother may employ if she were to know about the letters. I would not take offense if you chose to protect your family in this instance; as I indicated before, your love and protection for your family and the unwavering sense of duty and honor you display during these acts of service for your family is one of the things I admire most about you. How can a man be so abrasively commanding and routinely unwilling to see the viewpoint of others, and yet soft and loving when the moment calls for it?

In regards to the sweltering heat of late, my mother views spending too much time outdoors as "unladylike". Her opinions on the subject have been an unexpected boon as the temperature soars, even if I usually feel stifled under her oppressive gaze and opinions during the off-season. I have spent most of my days tucked away in our family's temperate library reading to my heart's content, for the most part avoiding my mother and sisters as I am the only one with interest in reading as a passing time.

Yes, I am deeply aware of the stubbornness and competitiveness ingrained down to the bone in each and every Bridgerton I have met (though I will say, sweet Francesca seems to have been blessed with the most agreeable nature between all eight of you, even if I do see the same traits in her from time to time). I have heard stories of the Pall Mall games of the past; epic tales of sneaky strategies and downright double-crossing here and there. I have been told you hold the title of winner with your trusty "Mallet of Death", which you continue to somehow always claim in the games, despite the grievances aired by Bridgertons B,C,D,E,F,G, & H. I must admit to being highly entertained by the retelling of events from Eloise and Colin. I live in envy of the love and comfort your family must provide you every day of your life, my family has only ever felt like a noose around my neck my dream of being a Bridgerton through marriage has finally come to an end and I am bereft at the thought of the once happy and loving future it might have heralded

My mother, my sisters and I are getting on as well as can be expected since my father's death. Though my relationship with my father wasn't as deep as I would have hoped, I did know that he loved me in his own way and I miss his comforting presence in the periphery of my life. With no clear heir, we are reliant upon shaky ground and I fear what the future brings in the new Lord Featherington, whoever he may be. Hopefully, whoever the Crown finds to take up the mantle of the Featherington Barony, will be a man worth his weight in salt and honorable enough to provide for my family in our time of need.

Wishing You Cooler Weather,

Penelope Featherington

21st October, 1813

Miss Penelope,

Sorry for the late reply, the responsibility of life as a Viscount and that of Head of the Bridgerton family continually interrupts happier pastimes and has done so since its weight fell on my shoulders years ago. I was called away on business and have only just returned to Aubrey Hall, but I was happy to return to your letter waiting for me. Can I admit to feeling a rush of pleasure at the sight of your letter? I find myself eager for each word you write and I'm always left wanting for more when I reach the end I know your words from your last letter and my delayed response might have led you to believe I wanted to cut off all contact with you in light of your warning about your mother; I want you to know that I have considered your words of warning, but I find myself unwilling to end the burgeoning friendship between us and would never force Colin to end his letters to you under anything less than your request for me to do so or extreme circumstances. The thought of never receiving another letter from you brings a feeling of unease that I'm afraid to explore.

I feel one point of your letter to discuss, though it is one I struggle to find words for… is that of your mother's thoughts on your marriageability. I think it best not to go into too much detail as I might trip over my words or say something that would break the bounds of propriety, but let me assure you, your marriageability far exceeds that of many eligible ladies of the Ton… it is just hidden behind your wallflower persona and that of your mother's unfortunate wardrobe choices for you that do not do justice to the woman you are. I recently have begun to dream of your heaving breasts and your flushed alabaster skin, of the fire in your startling blue eyes, of being the source of such wonderful changes to the quiet wallflower I thought you to be I'm not sure what to make of these dreams or the arousing thoughts they evoke in my waking hours

I am glad to hear you have been able to avoid the summer heat. I was initially thankful that the heat wave finally came to an end, but as the hot days quickly turned into bitter cold days, that thankfulness soon became less so.

In regards to our ingrained traits… Well, I can't help but admit that if ever one trait was to be relied upon to always hold true to the Bridgerton line, it is that every one of us was gifted with more than enough stubbornness and competitiveness to sink a ship. I delight in trouncing my siblings at Pall Mall and the like; nothing brings me more joy than their outraged faces whenever I once again beat them all, even in the face of their bitter betrayal in joining forces against me. Maybe one day they might beat me, but I doubt it… I'm just that good. It would be my pleasure to be the one to introduce you to the delights of Pall Mall if you ever find yourself at Aubrey Hall one day?

Fathers, no matter their level of involvement in their children's lives, always leave an unfillable hole when they pass. Not to speak ill of the dead, but I find myself baffled by the fact that your father, or any father, could have so little involvement in their child's life and be perfectly fine with it. Especially such an intelligent, kind, and charming woman such as yourself. I am sorry you never had the chance to grow closer to your father before his passing. As far as I am aware, the Crown has not yet found a male heir for the Featherington Barony, but there is bound to be someone found soon. I know whatever words of comfort I give will be little reassurance for your family's uncertainty, but I will give them nonetheless. The next Baron Featherington will properly provide for your family, or I will make him, I promise you.

I find myself with a question for you that I want you to know you need not answer if it is too personal or unanswerable for whatever reason. My curiosity about Lady Whistledown since we last spoke in person has grown and I find I can no longer hold my tongue. I am curious about how it began and how you were able to achieve it when you are just seventeen years of age. Would you enlighten me?

Yours in Fortitude,

Anthony

26th October, 1813

Anthony,

I will admit I was a touch worried when I did not receive a reply from you for nearly three weeks. As the days passed on with no word from you, a stone settled further down in my stomach at the thought of our time getting to know each other coming to an abrupt end I was so happy when your letter finally arrived that I nearly teared up As I have previously stated, I would take no offense in you choosing to put distance between myself and either you or Colin, but I would be disheartened at the increased distance, nonetheless. I have found our correspondence with each other surprisingly enjoyable in light of the fact that though I have spent many years within your presence, even partaken in a few short conversations here and there, we have never truly taken the time to get to know each other in any deeper way. You have proved to be just as wonderful of a person as every other Bridgerton I have had the pleasure of knowing.

I had long come to accept that my father and I would never have the relationship I had hoped for, but I did love him and will miss him now that he is gone. If I ever am blessed to become a parent I have vowed to myself that my children will never wonder if I love them. They will never have to lament the time lost because of my selfish actions. Parenthood is a privilege that I would never abuse by not being the best mother I can be each and every day I'm provided that privilege. You remain the best example of fatherhood I have witnessed in my life though you are technically not a father the way you love your siblings, Gregory and Hyacinth especially is truly inspiring

As for the Barony, I do hope you are right and the Crown will soon find an heir that will honor the societal obligation of providing for the previous Baron's family. Your promise gives me hope that one way or another, my mother, sisters and I will not find ourselves at the mercy of a man who will take what is left of the Barony and leave us by the wayside.

The beginning of Lady Whistledown was mere happenstance with the help of a kind, elderly man who has since passed. In the months just before my first column was published, my father's solicitor happened to come upon a journal of mine where I had penned my less-than-generous thoughts on the Ton and my experiences of preparing for my presentation to the Queen. He found them entertaining and complimented my talent for writing, telling me that such a talent needed to be shared with the world. At first, I thought it was nothing more than a kindness to a young girl he viewed as something woefully lacking in a paternal figure, but he repeatedly asked if I had written more, wanting to be entertained again and before long I gave in. I wrote a mock column for his entertainment, the very column that would a month later be the public debut of Lady Whistledown. He convinced me to allow him to have a printing shop recreate the column and distribute the prints and then set up the process by which I might continue publishing more.

Shortly after my tenth column was published, Mr. Havernish passed away. However, before he died he ensured that I was knowledgeable about the publishing process, as he was of the firm belief that my being a woman shouldn't preclude me from being involved in the business side of things. He provided me with the means to ensure my best interests in regards to the income I earn as Lady Whistledown and it has been a boon ever since.

Since his passing, I have taken on all of the responsibilities of managing the process such as delivering the column to the printers in Bloomsbury and working with them to ensure they adhere to my requirements. Despite a few fumbles here and there, I like to think I have managed well in a world that favors the male sex and sees me limited as just a seventeen-year-old girl. Why do I feel as if I have confessed to a great sin and I'm waiting for judgment from on high? Y our opinion means a great deal to me, please don't let me down

Penelope

P.S. As for your words about my marriageability, I'll keep it brief as you did… Thank you. My prospects have never been great between my less-than-fashionable body type, my mother's questionable wardrobe choices for me, and my family's questionable reputation. Knowing that one eligible bachelor in the Ton sees something of worth in me, even if it is through a lens of friendship rather than romantic in nature, your words mean a great deal.

31st October, 1813

Penelope,

I have so many things I want to say and I am trying to figure out how best to say them without ruining our newly formed friendship in one letter. Hell and damnation, Penelope, you deliver your column to BLOOMSBURY? Don't think I haven't put two and two together from the night you showed up at Bridgerton House… you deliver it there, ALONE AND AT NIGHT, NO LESS! Blister it, woman, do you care about your safety at all? I'll start by saying you have achieved something very few people, both men and women, can lay claim to. You've captured the attention of the entire Ton in a way that many try their entire lives to achieve and yet never do. Though you didn't speak of it, after some basic calculations I've concluded that you must be making a fairly lucrative income from the column. I applaud you for all that you've done.

Now, the part that may threaten our friendship… when next we meet in person, we'll be discussing just how unsafe it is for a gently bred lady of your social station to venture out in London, unaccompanied, in the dead of night to an unsavory part of the city. Let alone the absolute ruin to your reputation that would happen if anyone saw you doing so. We will find a new way for your column to be delivered and for you to manage your business that does not involve a threat to your person or the ruination of your reputation.

I am not your father nor your brother, but I am someone who cares about you and as I man I am more aware of the dangers that await a gently bred lady such as yourself in dark alleyways at night. Things that I shudder to think befalling you. My heart is racing at the danger you've no doubt escaped by sheer luck so far rape, kidnapping, murder Devil take it, I need a drink, or twenty! Please, if for nothing else than my own peace of mind, let me help you find a safer way to conduct your business.

Anthony,

8th November, 1813

Anthony,

I realize you're used to taking control and managing everything in your life and that of your family, but you do not need to take on the responsibility of managing my life as well, nor am I asking you to. I realize the dangers inherent in what I am doing, but it is a calculated risk that I have knowledge of and I continually try to minimize those risks as best I am able.

That said, when we next meet, I will agree to allow you to help me continue to minimize those risks further, but it will be at my discretion and I will have the final say on what happens. You have far more resources at your disposal than I, as a Viscount and that of a man; I would be a fool not to take advantage of such help in my business endeavors. Once again you accomplish the truly astounding mix of demanding something in a stubbornly authoritative tone and yet convey gentle care in the next breath, how do you do that? And how do you continue to elicit excitement and warmth in me at hearing such a thing, rather than righteous indignation at being commanded to do something by a man unrelated to me?

Now that I have bared my soul and let you take me to task, it is your turn to return the favor.

What happened with Miss Rosso? And keep in mind, I am Lady Whistledown, genteel sensibilities have no place in this bearing of your soul at this time. I am fully capable of understanding and hearing the realities of the more carnal aspects of a relationship between a man and his mistress. Is that too forward? Probably, but I do not care.

Pen

21st November, 1813

Penelope,

I spent several days contemplating what to say in this letter, and even a week later I am still not sure I have found the right words. Trying to find the balance of "baring my soul" without breaking the bounds of propriety more than we already have remains a conundrum to me. There is also the aspect of how to explain my reasons behind my actions that don't lead to you thinking less of me after hearing everything.

Miss Rosso, Sienna, began as a lustful dally several years ago in a time when I was floundering under the weight of obligation. She was an escape from the responsibilities of being a Viscount and the head of my family. At the age when most men are still learning about themselves and shaping the man they would one day become, I was managing the Bridgerton estate in a trial by fire and bearing the heavy load of the day to day caring for my siblings while my mother grieved the death of the love of her life. I did and would still do anything for my family. I love them with every breath that I have, but I still feel as if something intrinsic was taken away from me after my father passed so suddenly when I was still at a young age. A right of passage was denied to me, not by any mechanism employed by my family, but by fate itself. My relationship with Sienna was a small way of me trying to take back a part of what I lost.

At least in the beginning.

Somewhere along the way, I developed an affection for her that for a brief time I thought could be the making of something great between us, going so far as to even broach the subject of making her my viscountess. However, reality set in and I realized my relationship with her was incompatible with the demands on my life and she eventually came to the same conclusion. In my desperate efforts to overcorrect in what I saw as a failing in my own responsibilities to my family and later in an equally desperate effort to hold on to her despite all of that, I treated her unkindly in ways I am ashamed of and repeatedly acted in my own best interests without properly thinking about what was best for her. Finally, it was her who had the bravery to break free of our downward spiral and she sent me on my way for good shortly before the end of the Season.

After everything, I came to the resolution that I must fulfill my obligations to the family and marry, ensuring an heir just as my father did with me. I have accepted that my future marriage most likely will never be a fraction of that of my parents, but I am determined to be the best husband and father I can be, even if my future wife and I never truly love each other. The kind of love my parents held for each other is rare and it was a privilege to see it for the first eighteen years of my life. Could I ever find someone to love as deeply? Why does your face drift across my mind when I contemplate such a thing?

As requested, I have bared my soul and did not mince words during the soul-baring. Now I ask you a favor, speak to me plainly about why you speak so callously about yourself and your marriage prospects.

Anthony

P.S. I started to address my letter to you as Pen, but it felt wrong… is it odd that I want to call you by a name I solely use for you? Probably not; I am many things, but unaware of my more stubborn and/or proprietorial personality traits, I am not. Considering that, could I want anything less than something only you and I share? "Pen" is a name Eloise and Colin use for you, and as we build our friendship, I find myself wanting something just between us. Is there another name you would prefer? Or can I choose one for you? For some unfathomable reason, I want to call you "Nel". Would you give me that permission?

28th November, 1813

Anthony,

Soul baring is proving to be a challenge in many parts that I wasn't anticipating when I asked you to tell me about Miss Rosso. I am questioning the wisdom of starting this baring of the soul now that I must delve even deeper into my secrets beyond Lady Whistledown.

My relationship with my family has always been one that feels more like a noose around my neck than one of a loving family. As you know, my father was a distant figure in my life; he wasn't unkind or abusive in any way, merely absent from the everyday aspects of my life for the majority of my childhood with little interest in me or in the act of parenting me or my sisters. I loved him and I like to think that in his own way he loved me, but we never had a deeper understanding of each other or a corresponding relationship that involved knowing each other truly.

My sisters at rare times in my life have been both a comfort and companions during our childhood, but for the most part, they have been both a thorn in my side and tormentors for my otherness compared to them and my mother. Prudence is vain, aggressively rude, and self-involved to the point of rarely seeing beyond the tip of her own nose. Phillipa is, to be blunt, not blessed with a great deal of wit which can oftentimes lead to her joining in on Prudence and my mother's torments without truly knowing she is tormenting me. She has moments of rare intelligence that have proved to bring us closer together than either Prudence or my mother, but as I stated, those moments are few and far between.

My mother is… my greatest source of torment and the source of most of my insecurities, though it pains me to say so. I do not believe she purposely torments me, at least most of the time, but she sees me as a burden she may never be rid of and as an oddity that she must forcefully reform into the image she thinks is best. As I have indicated in previous letters, my body is not fashionable, my interests in books and learning are not seen as acceptable by my mother or most of the Ton, my intelligence is anything but a boon when it comes to finding a husband, per my mother's opinion. All these things together have been the backbone of my mother's criticism as far back as I can remember and I do not foresee a change anytime in the future.

My marriage prospects are very nearly non-existent, as seen by the lack of interest by any eligible bachelor within the Ton during my first Season. I may dislike my mother's treatment of me, her callous disregard for my feelings, and her hurtful words that have invaded my mind for all of my eighteen years of age… but that does not make it all untrue. The Ton and my mother feel I am already a spinster in the making, I merely have come to the sad conclusion they may be correct. I am not what eligible bachelors of the Ton are looking for in a wife and that is the reality of the situation. That is why I am determined to utilize my Lady Whistledown income in the best way possible; it may be my best and only opportunity to have a happy life outside of the oppression of my mother if I am unable to secure a husband of my own.

Of course, that opportunity is something that will take time to come to fruition, years really, leaving me dependent on not only my mother's goodwill but that of the new heir to the Barony, whoever he may be. My father's passing has caused strife in our family in ways that I should have foreseen. My father's presence, though more felt than seen, deterred my sisters' and my mother's more quarrelsome natures if you can believe that, and now that he is gone, they daily find new ways in which to find fault in my very being. I dream of the day when I can escape away from her oppression and the depressive feelings she evokes in me with her every word Will that day ever come or is a dream of comfort and freedom as lost to me as that of a love that stands the test of time? Will I forever be trapped in my mother's orbit, stuck under the weight of her control for the rest of my days?

So there it is, my soul-baring is finally complete.

Nel

P.S. I would gladly be known as Nel to only you.

20th December, 1813

Nel,

I was away for nearly a fortnight when you replied, so that is the reason for the delay in reply.

I'm not sure how to begin to describe how furious your family's treatment of you makes me nor how vehemently I oppose the opinions of your mother, the Ton, and apparently even your opinions about yourself as well.

It saddens me that rather than your family being a source of comfort, love, and support for you, as my family has always been, they are a source of contention and torment instead. I do hope that my family brings as much happiness and comfort to you as we can in place of that of your family. Though you and my family are sadly far apart for the next few months, know that you are ever in our thoughts and we all await reuniting with you again. I wish to see you much sooner than the start of the new Season I would gladly be even more of a source of happiness to you if you would allow me to be What am I saying? Is that truly how I feel?

In regards to your marriageability, I said before and I will say so again, your marriage prospects are far better than many of your peers… it is just hidden behind your mother's oppressive control and the wallflower personality you cling to, to no doubt protect yourself and control at least one aspect of your life. I won't list the many ways in which you are superior to other debutantes, but I will highlight a few you mentioned. Forgive me for my forwardness, but your body is in no way undesirable; many men myself most definitely included enjoy a shapely body to grip tightly when I am thrusting inside a woman thrusting inside your heavenly body not only do men not mind, but prefer a shapely woman. Your intelligence and interest in more academic endeavors are most definitely a boon for any man worth his weight in salt; a wife who can not only hold an intelligent conversation with her husband but help in managing a house or an estate and in raising children with that same intelligence, is a godsend in my humble opinion. You are perfect just as you are and I can't help but be stunned by your brilliance You will find a man who sees those same qualities in you, I am sure of it.

Though I do not believe it will be needed, as I am sure you will soon find a husband who loves you just as you are, I will help you to prepare for the possibility of life as a spinster if you would allow me. One way or another, you will find peace and happiness outside of your mother's house, I promise you.

Maybe I should invite you to come stay during the off-season or better yet, maybe my mother's invitation would look better? It would ease my mind to get you away from your mother's overbearing presence, even for just a few weeks

Anthony

27th December, 1813

Anthony,

It is hard hearing an endless list of defects about your person day in and day out; it has worn me down over the years in ways I couldn't even begin to explain. However, as surprising as it is to hear, it can be equally hard to hear those "defects" change into positive aspects about yourself in turn. A small voice inside myself, unsurprisingly that voice sounds like my mother's, tells me your words are falsities or half-truths, said from a state of pity. I know they are not, you are unflinchingly honest to a fault; but that voice remains, no matter how hard I try to ignore it.

If nothing else, they bring me just a shred of hope in a sea of self-doubts and disparaging words from my mother and sisters. If only you meant those compliments in truth because you desire me as a wife and not as a concerned friend Do I want that? Could that even be a possibility that a man such as yourself with wealth, power and so many wonderful personal qualities would ever think of me in such a way?

As I was writing this letter my mother just informed me she received an invitation from Lady Bridgerton inviting me to stay with your family at Aubrey Hall for the month of January. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? Did you ask your mother to invite me to Aubrey Hall? Was it just to help ease the troubles of a friend? Or something more? My mother has given permission for me to come, and I confess to being eager not only to see each one of you once again but to be away from her and my sisters; the knowledge that I will have a month without their domineering and opinionated presence brings me joy that I'm sure I should probably feel shameful for. But I do not. Does that make me a bad daughter and sister? I'm not sure I care. And yes, you and your family have continually brought happiness and comfort to my life, and dare I say, I feel closer to the Bridgertons than my own family… which I'm definitely sure makes me a bad daughter and sister.

Currently, Mr. & Mrs. Finch and their son, my sister Philippa's fiance, are visiting, so Mother has requested I not leave for Aubrey Hall until their visit ends in six days. Should plans go accordingly, I will arrive at Aubrey Hall in roughly seven days' time. I expect to be settled at your door in the late afternoon of the 3rd of January around tea time, as I plan to leave our country house in the early morning.

Now that I am to spend time at Aubrey Hall this off-season, I look forward to hopefully taking part in the famous battle of wills that is a game of Bridgerton Pall Mall if the weather permits. Maybe we can ally to ensure you continue to trounce your siblings once again. I confess the thought of seeing you in your element sends my heart aflutter, tingles shooting down my spine at the image of your commanding presence, your intensity on display before my eyes I am unsure what may come next, but my eagerness for it leaves me breathless

Yours,

Nel

Chapter Three

3rd January, 1814

The journey to Aubrey Hall from the Featherington country estate took nearly 8 hours and, at the very end of the trip, Penelope was eager to finally see the illustrious Bridgerton country estate from the carriage window. She tried to keep her eagerness from being too apparent to the maid her mother had sent to chaperone her while she visited the Bridgertons, but she wasn't sure she succeeded. Butterflies were swirling in her stomach as she got closer to seeing Anthony; a nervous energy that felt like it would nearly overwhelm her taking over.

What if all her thoughts and wishes, all the quiet hopes that had grown from her letters with Anthony were just on her part? Was she destined to once again be stuck in a one-sided love with another Bridgerton man?

Most of the time, eighteen years of disparaging words from her mother and sisters dissuaded her from truly allowing herself to get her hopes up. How could a man like Lord Anthony Bridgerton, arguably the most eligible bachelor within the Ton, see her as anything other than a plump little wallflower that he happened to strike up a friendship? Could Anthony, a Capital R Rake like him, ever find her overly shaped body attractive? In more than just a platonic, friendly observation, from an outside perspective? Especially in comparison to the no doubt long parade of women who have caught his eye, women who could conceivably claim the title of some of the most beautiful women in the world?

But occasionally, more and more, she found herself caught up in the hope of what might lay ahead with Anthony if she dared to reach for it. Could she take that step out into the unknown? Would Anthony? Maybe it was all just wishful thinking and nothing more.

A moment later, the carriage turned a corner, passing a wall of trees and opening up to the sight of Aubrey Hall in the distance. As she looked out on the stately manor, she was just as in awe of its magnificence as every other visit; this time that visit would be more than just a night or two for the Hearts and Flowers Ball the Bridgertons held every year. Its grand exterior was covered in ivy, lending an enchanted visage to the home that housed her beloved Bridgertons. In the distance, she could see the small lake the Bridgertons utilized for revelry and to cool off in the heat of summer over the years. Penelope felt tears creep into her eyes at the thought of such a happy home for such a wonderful, loving family.

As the carriage made its way down the curved driveway of Aubrey Hall, she couldn't help but smile as she watched her Bridgertons come out to greet her one by one, Anthony leading the charge. When the carriage came to a stop, no more than a moment elapsed before the door was opened and Anthony's handsome face greeted her with a hand reaching out to help her down.

"Nel," Anthony spoke softly, looking at her so sweetly it nearly made her tear up again. "Welcome to Aubrey Hall."

"Thank you, Anthony." Penelope breathed in his warm, spicy scent and felt like she'd come home. Placing her small hand in his much larger one, Penelope stepped from the carriage and was nearly barreled over as Eloise tackled her in a hug.

"Pen! I've missed you, my family are such bores in comparison to you!"

"Hey, watch it missy," Benedict griped at his sister as he stepped up, kissed Penelope's hand, and gave her his usual disarming smile. "Miss Featherington, wonderful to see you as always, you are looking particularly lovely this fine afternoon."

"Mr. Bridgerton." Penelope couldn't help but chuckle as Anthony pulled Penelope just a little bit closer and settled a fierce scowl on his face as he stared at Benedict.

Benedict grinned at Anthony and winked at Penelope before dragging Eloise away as the rest of the Bridgertons gave her a heartfelt welcome one by one.

"It's so lovely to see you, my dear." Lady Bridgerton exclaimed after she had pulled Penelope into a motherly hug and then pulled back with her hands on Penelope's shoulders to look her over with a small concerned frown on her face. "How are you doing? How are your mother and sisters?"

"We are all doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Philippa's fiance, Mr. Albion Finch, and his parents just came to visit us for two weeks, so my mother has been a bit high-strung for the last few weeks. When we received your invitation for me to visit I was thankful for its timely arrival, the chance to be away from the Featherington estate is very welcome at this moment."

Smiling with a twinkle in her eyes as she glanced briefly at Anthony, Lady Bridgerton said, "Yes, timely indeed. Now, let's get you inside and settled, we were just about to sit down for afternoon tea when your carriage arrived. Have you eaten, dear?"

"We had a small meal at an inn about five hours ago as the horses rested, but that is it."

Wrapping her arm around Penelope's own, Lady Bridgerton guided her towards the entrance to Aubrey Hall and away from Anthony, she indicated for Penelope to quickly refresh herself and then they would sit down for tea time. As Penelope stepped further away, Anthony's touch finally left her body and she realized they had been holding hands the entire time. Turning her head back towards Anthony as she continued walking away, she felt her breath catch, maybe her hopes of more weren't for nothing after all.

Anthony stood there, his hand still extended from where they parted as if he was reaching out for her, his eyes had a darkened gleam in them and he gave her a gentle smile that lit up her body from top to bottom. Blushing, she gave him a coy smile and finally turned her head back to Lady Bridgerton as they walked through the entrance door of the stately manor.

The first week of Nel's stay with his family, Anthony struggled to not dive right into the level of comfort and familiarity they had gained through their letters. In just a few months he had gained a deep friendship with Nel, maybe more, and it felt natural to continue that deep friendship in person as well. The only hindrance to that familiarity was society's strict adherence to propriety and his mother's expectations of what she considered proper conduct for her children and those under her care.

Nel, as usual, easily slipped into the natural banter and comradery that Anthony shared with his siblings as if a place for her had been there for her, would always be there for her. Usually during the off-season his family would relax and enjoy exclusive family time away from the pressures of the Ton, but Anthony's responsibilities as Viscount were neverending and he usually spent most of his days as he always did, managing the vast collection of Bridgerton estates and holdings. However, with Nel's visit, Anthony found himself finding more and more reasons to be near her, wishing to bask in her presence and enjoy her nearness as much as possible.

One such occasion led Anthony to revert from the usual routine of going to his study to work, instead choosing to review the Bridgerton accounting books in the drawing room where Nel and his family were enjoying a dreary afternoon. Across the room, Nel gently sat down on the floor with her dress carefully arranged for propriety's sake to avoid revealing anything untoward. She sat waiting patiently to play a game of Ring Taw with Gregory and Hyacinth as they got it ready. The Twin Terrors, as his family was want to call them, had pleaded with Nel to play with them after the rest of the family had declined to humor them in yet another round of the marbles game.

"Gregory, you're not doing it right. The string needs to be further out, don't be stupid!" Hyacinth yelled as she pushed Gregory's hand away from the string he had been forming into a circle for the marbles to be placed inside.

"I'm not stupid, and I am doing it right, you're the stupid one!" Gregory yelled back, pushing his sister none too gently, causing Hyacinth to bump into Nel and knock the hand she was leaning on out from under her, sending her off-kilter and bumping her head into a nearby end table.

"Gregory, be careful!" Anthony scolded his youngest brother harshly as he quickly stood up and made his way to where the three sat. "Do not push your sister. You knocked Penelope's head into the table and could have injured her, apologize at once!"

Eyes wide, Gregory turned to Nel. "I'm so sorry, Penelope, I shouldn't have done that. Are you alright?"

Smiling gently at the contrite young boy, Nel patted his hand. "I am fine, do not worry. However, Anthony is right, you should not push your sister, and the both of you should know better than yelling at each other or calling each other names."

Gregory and Hyacinth looked down, both properly chastised. Nel might have been closest to Eloise and Colin, and now Anthony, but she was beloved by all the Bridgertons.

"Now, apologize to each other and we can continue to play, in a civil way." Nel looked to one then the other in a stern, no-nonsense way.

She was marvelous; managing to be both gentle and stern while chastising his youngest siblings. She would be a wonderful mother one day.

The two begrudgingly apologized to each other and continued setting up the game.

"I think I'll join you," Anthony said and folded his legs into a sitting position next to Nel, smiling at her. He smirked when Nel blushed when their fingers grazed against each other when he arranged himself on the carpeted floor.

Gregory and Hyacinth grinned at him, and quickly brushed both Nel and Anthony up on the game, as neither of them had played it in years. Anthony spent the afternoon engrossed in the game, teasing Nel softly throughout, thrilled by the charming blush that spread across her bewitching face each and every time.

She was a vision.

Every time she successfully knocked more marbles out of the ring of string surrounding the marbles, she pumped her fist and grinned over at him, her cheeks flushed a beguiling shade of pink. It made his palms itch with the desire to cup her rounded cheek and press a reverent kiss to the smooth skin.

Anthony couldn't help but take every opportunity given to him to touch her, even if it was just a fleeting glance of their fingers against each other or his shoulder brushing against hers, each of them seeming to lean into each other as the afternoon wore on.

It was startling and, if he was honest, a touch embarrassing to continually get such a thrill from grazing touches with her. He was like a prepubescent green boy again, inordinately thrilled by simple touches and glances, his body filled with anticipation and quivers at just even the thought of her skin against his. It took a great deal of determined effort for him to not embarrass himself in front of his family by growing hard within his trousers. Even still, he wouldn't trade the afternoon sitting eagerly by her side just to avoid any potentially embarrassing bodily reactions that might come about. If need be, he can make a mad dash for his study or grab a decorative pillow to hide any unsightly reactions if his age and experience somehow failed to keep his body in check.

Anthony was a menace. The handsome yet aggravating man had to be purposely doing everything he could to make Penelope blush and stutter without actually doing anything untoward… there was no other explanation for it, was there? She both loved and hated it. Seeing Anthony relax and be comfortable around her, showing her a side of his personality that very few people ever saw, was a wondrous gift. However, it made her think of things she should probably not be thinking of… such as skin pressed against skin, his breath upon her body, or most of all, if he was truly flirting with her during all their interactions. She felt like it was a silly notion, that a man such as him could do such a thing with someone like her, but it was a thought that she couldn't quite ignore.

The afternoon they spent sitting next to each other as they played Ring Taw with Gregory and Hyacinth proved to be just the start of him becoming her personal menace… the source of all her confused yet aroused frustration and excitement.

During meals he would sit next to her if given the chance, engaging her in quiet discussions and giving her his full attention, pointedly ignoring his family unless asked a direct question. His undivided attention was exhilarating to have and made her feel as if she wasn't just a plain wallflower, but a rare rose that he coveted.

She knew his attention was more than likely nothing more than a result of the friendship they had formed and his efforts to make her feel at home at Aubrey Hall… that she no doubt was reading his behavior as more than he meant it to be. However, she hoped it was more.

"I think Eloise is liable to whack Benedict over the head if he doesn't stop teasing her about the stable boy very soon." Anthony grinned as he leaned close to whisper conspiratorially in her ear.

Penelope couldn't help but let loose a giggle at his words, quickly wiping the smile from her face when her best friend's eagle eye centered on her and assessed whether or not Penelope was in league with Benedict. Eloise narrowed her eyes for a moment and then harrumphed before going back to berating Benedict with her sharp tongue. Benedict took the tongue lashing with delight, increasing his teasing to the continued fury of Eloise.

"I do believe you are right, but she might choose something a little more devious, knowing her," Penelope whispered, grinning up at him.

"Do you think she'll toss in a throw of a dinner roll or two, or just go for the more destructive candelabra nearby?" Leaning even closer, Anthony's breath gusted along the nape of her neck as he spoke.

"Your dear sister is most definitely an agent of chaos, choosing decisive destruction any day of the week, but she knows your mother will have her head if she breaks your great-grandmother's beloved candelabras… Lady Bridgerton was talking about them just this morning when we broke our fast." Penelope pointed to the bowl of mashed parsnips near her best friend's elbow. "I think she'll go for a happy medium and utilize the parsnips to really get her point across."

It was at that moment that Eloise lost her patience and grabbed the mentioned bowl of parsnips and turned it over on top of Benedict's head without delay. The mashed root vegetable made sucking plop noises as globs of it plopped down from the bowl atop his head onto his face, shoulders, and lap. Eloise had a smug smirk on her face from her seat right next to him.

The room went silent, the only sound coming from the plop, plop, plop of the parsnips dripping down Benedict as the entire family watched in disbelief. Then, as one, they all broke out in uproarious laughter at the look of stupefied confusion on Benedict's face.

"Eloise, honestly, you couldn't have chosen a lesser mess to make your point?" Lady Bridgerton sighed, shaking her head as she hid her laughter behind her hand.

Penelope smirked and patted Anthony's hand in consultation. "You may be her brother, but I'm her best friend and I know her down to the marrow of her bones. Better luck next time."

Chuckling, Anthony turned his hand over and threaded his fingers through hers, then he brought it up to kiss the back of her hand briefly before returning it to rest on the table. Penelope's breath caught as the tender kiss was pressed to her hand, feeling her heart racing as she looked into his eyes, feeling the warmth of his gaze on her body. She felt as if time stood still for just a moment, their eyes locked on each other, and nothing else existed but them in that moment.

"I am happy to be bested." He murmured, his gaze never wavering from hers.

A little more than a fortnight after Nel's arrival, the night had been filled with boisterous laughter and playful fighting before the family and Nel one by one had retired for the night. Leaving Anthony alone to continue in his study, reviewing a missive from his steward about an investment they were considering in a new steam press printing process. His mind absorbed in the letter, Anthony flinched when a loud thud echoed through the hall outside his study.

Frowning, Anthony went to investigate the sound and found Nel in the library on her hands and knees in front of a pile of books that had apparently fallen over.

"Eloise has a horrible habit of stacking books after she's read them, despite my and our mother's warnings not to do so." Anthony chuckled as he knelt down and helped Nel carefully stack the books once again. "What are you doing up so late, you excused yourself for the night an hour ago?"

Nel smiled at him and began to stand, blushing prettily when Anthony stood quickly and extended a hand out for her to use as she rose up. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to find a book to read while my mind wandered about."

"Find anything promising?" Anthony asked as he began reshelving the books one by one, using it as an excuse to stay just a little bit longer.

Nel showed him the book in her hands, the title, Pride and Prejudice, embossed on the front.

"I had just come upon a book by a new author, Jane Austen, that I'm eager to read. Eloise had mentioned in a letter earlier in the year that she had enjoyed it, despite her usual abject revulsion at anything romantic. If it has Eloise's stamp of approval, I figured the book must be good."

When Anthony finished reshelving the books, he came closer to her and smiled down at her. The large difference in height between them led to a lovely view of Nel's bountiful breasts below her gauzy nightgown and robe. Like the Rake he was, Anthony enjoyed the view for a brief moment before Penelope noticed his eyeline and raised her eyebrow in silent question.

Flushing in embarrassment at being caught, Anthony started to avert his eyes, but then couldn't help himself. Anthony smirked, his eyes twinkling as he tried to control the lust sweeping his body at the sensational view before him. "You have notably labeled me a Capital R Rake as Lady Whistledown, can I be expected to be anything less when faced with such a lovely view?"

"Apparently not," Nel's blush returned, but she let loose a small smile and rolled her eyes before she pulled the robe closed. "A Rake will always be a Rake, even a possibly reformed one."

"A "reformed" Rake is such a nebulous term; conjuring thoughts of my rakish qualities being left behind for good. I like to think of myself as a refocused Rake. My focus has always been broad because it was never required to be anything else, but now as I contemplate the task of marriage, my focus has and will continue to narrow in my search until I find the woman I would call wife." Anthony said as he leaned down and then whispered softly in her ear. "My focus may change, but at heart, I will always be a Rake and once I have a wife, I will be her Rake and hers alone for the rest of my days."

Nel gasped softly as they stared at one another for a few seconds, a smoldering heat passing back and forth between them that left Anthony equally breathless. His heart was racing, his palms sweaty, his cock twitching lightly as Nel's eyes dilated in arousal only to flutter as she bit her lower lip.

After a minute of staring longingly into each other's eyes, Nel began to lean forward toward him for a brief second before she cleared her throat and leaned back away, whispering, "Well, I think I will retire to my bedroom to read my book now. Have a good night, Anthony."

Anthony smirked, it grew larger as she blushed again and gripped the book in her hands tightly before she walked out of the room quickly, giving him one last look before she exited the room.

Once she was gone, Anthony stood there contemplating what just happened. Their interaction felt thrilling and left him with a yearning for more. He wanted to run after her and find a dark corner where he could press her into a wall and elicit gasps and whimpers as he showed her just how lovely her body was to him. He wanted to map the hills and valleys of her curves, he wanted to wrap his lips around the hard nubs of her nipples, he wanted to slip his hand between her thighs… seeking her wet heat and bringing her to pleasurable peak after peak.

Finally getting his breathing under control, Anthony slowly made his way back to his study and collapsed into his desk chair. This was becoming more than just a passing fancy, but could it really be more? Beyond the aspect of him being ten years older, Nel was Eloise's best friend and very close to the rest of the family… what would happen if he pursued her and it didn't work out? What of Colin? Anthony had a feeling that somewhere deep in his brother's muddled mind were romantic feelings for Nel, but would he ever act on them? Would Nel want him to or has she truly moved on from Colin as she indicated in her letters?

Sighing, Anthony resumed reading the letter from his steward, but his mind kept straying back to Nel and the moment they shared.

Chapter Four

25th January, 1814

Penelope spent several days after her exchange with Anthony in the library feeling like she was drifting through each day. She interacted with the Bridgertons, laughing and conversing, even having a few moments with Anthony that left her feeling breathless, but her mind couldn't help but focus on what it all meant.

Was Anthony really interested in her that way? Was it just a man simply appreciating a woman's body when given the chance and nothing more? Penelope had spent years battling with her mother and sisters' opinions about her body and the less-than-perfect image she had of it herself, but Anthony had told her in a broad fashion (which she hoped meant him included) that her body was desirable to men despite what she might think or what her family has said to her.

However, even if he did find her somewhat attractive, that didn't mean it was enough to make him pursue her or to keep his interest long-term if he did want her. A man can find a woman attractive, but physical attraction is not everything and might be in the grand scheme of things the smallest portion of what brings a man and woman together. What about compatibility; similar interests, shared morals, harmonious paths in life they wish to walk?

Could Penelope, were she ever to be given the chance of capturing Anthony's heart, be able to stand beside him as an equal and be worthy of being his wife and viscountess?

Penelope wished she had someone to speak with about this, a sounding board for her worries and questions… but the person she would normally go to for such a thing was not a possibility… Penelope loved Eloise dearly, but her dear friend avoided talk of emotions and romance like the plague, and wouldn't be much help with Penelope sorting through her feelings. Let alone what Eloise might say or do if she knew the source of her romantic feelings was her eldest brother.

Penelope needed to figure out how she felt and how she wanted to proceed, she just wasn't sure how.

As luck would have it, Daphne and her husband came to stay for a week after an extended belated honeymoon period at Hastings House. Penelope and Daphne had never been particularly close. Still, they had shared a few stimulating conversations that always left Penelope feeling as if Daphne was a kindred spirit in certain ways. Unlike Eloise, Daphne and Penelope shared their love of romance and the dream of being a mother, of a quiet life of peace and happiness with the ones they loved the most.

Three days after the arrival of Daphne and Duke Hastings, who insisted Penelope call him by his given name of Simon, the eldest Bridgerton daughter sat down next to Penelope as she sat reading quietly, tucked away in the far corner of the drawing room. The family was enduring being cooped up as the rainy, blustery weather outside kept them reluctantly indoors.

"I'm sure this is an impertinent question, but I just can't help myself," Daphne said quietly as she sat down, "Are you aware that my eldest brother seems to be staring most ardently at you and has for the last few days since my arrival?"

Startling, Penelope looked up from her book, meeting Daphne's amused eyes briefly before she discreetly looked to where Anthony was sitting at the drawing room table with a newspaper in front of him, apparently engrossed in the reading of it. Just as she was going to turn her eyes back to Daphne and refute her words, Anthony looked up at Penelope with a soft look in his eyes before he quickly averted them and cleared his throat, returning to the paper in front of him.

Blushing, Penelope turned back to Daphne, who was smirking widely.

"Now, dear Penelope, please tell me what is going on between you and my brother. Because it is not just him who has had a wandering eye these last few days."

Blushing, Penelope internally debated what to say and how to say it for a few moments. Would Daphne be a good confidant in helping her to figure out what was happening and how to proceed? Sighing, Penelope decided to go for it and quietly whispered the entirety of her experiences with Anthony from the very first night when she told them about Marina's duplicity all the way up to their heated conversation in the library a week ago. However, she left out the Lady Whistledown revelation as she didn't feel it was pertinent to the story at this time.

Daphne's eyes kept getting larger and larger as the story went on, occasionally turning to consider Anthony every once in a while as Penelope spoke. Finally, at the end of her tale, Penelope finishes with, "Now I am unsure what comes next. Are my thoughts on the matter all a bit of dreaming that I should set aside and let my feet once more set firmly on the ground? Or, should I take a chance?"

Daphne hummed softly, considering before she wrapped an arm around Penelope's and smiled mischievously. "I think my brother has fallen in love with you and is too stupid to realize it."

Gasping, Penelope turned towards Anthony and found the man already staring at her with a concerned look in his eyes. Swallowing roughly, Penelope gave him as much of a reassuring smile as she could before she turned back to Daphne once again.

"Surely you jest?"

"No, I am very serious; he's stupid like that, all men are really." Daphne rolled her eyes with a glance at her husband before she turned back to Penelope. "Now knowing what has transpired, it is obvious that Anthony has hearts in his eyes every time he sets eyes on you. Anthony is a romantic at the very heart of him, even if he tries so hard to hide it from the world. It's obvious now that I know what to look for. What is unclear, is how you feel. You're a romantic, but you're a pragmatic sort as well. I know your experiences with love in the past haven't been kind to you, but are you brave enough to reach for what you truly want once again, even if it is not a guaranteed outcome?"

So she knew about Colin. Did everybody know? Biting her bottom lip, Penelope let her eyes wander back towards Anthony once again, this time hidden behind the fall of her eyelashes. Anthony was still staring at Penelope and Daphne, his eyes going from soft and affectionate gazing at Penelope to shrewdly assessing as he gazed at Daphne. He was so striking, sitting in his chair, relaxed and laid back, his legs crossed and extended far out in front of him. Strong, commanding, in control, and yet gentle and kind when called for it. He was the epitome of what a good man should be.

"What if it's nothing but a passing fancy instead of love? What if he finds someone far better? More beautiful, more charming and sophisticated, more capable of being his viscountess? I don't think I could bear it if I finally let myself reach for anything more than friendship and fell on my face instead; not after it has happened once before… especially as I feel as if loving Anthony and losing him would truly break me in a way that Colin never could."

"Love is not easy. It's hard work; a constant battle to be good to the person you love, to understand them, to learn to compromise with them, to have faith in them. Love is worth the effort, it's worth the risk of losing it. Trust me." Daphne said gently with tears in her eyes, her gaze set upon her husband who was embroiled in a game of cards with Benedict, Eloise, and Violet. She looked at her husband as if he was her very world and couldn't imagine a life without him in it.

Feeling emotions well up in her chest, Penelope squeezed Daphne's hand as it rested on her arm and smiled at her.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin and how would I even speak to him about it, there is always someone around to overhear our conversation."

"I have a feeling things will work out, but just in case, I'll engineer a situation or two for you to have a moment alone if need be." Daphne grinned as she patted Penelope's hand reassuringly.

Two days later, the late January weather turned surprisingly mild, even warmish, and the Bridgertons decided to take advantage of the break in dreary weather by partaking in a rousing game of Pall Mall. Daphne had told her repeatedly to leave things to her, but Penelope was unsure what she had planned. Penelope was leaving to go home in four days and it would be nearly two months before she and the Bridgertons were all back in London to prepare for the start of the Season.

Penelope followed the Bridgertons out to the lawn overlooking the lake below and couldn't help but giggle as the siblings all argued about the famed Mallet of Death and Anthony's monopoly of it.

Anthony whistled loudly and said, "Everyone quiet, we have a new player and you know the rules, she gets first pick."

"Am I not a new player as well?" Simon with an exaggerated pout.

"You married into this family, so you're on your own just like the rest of them, Hastings." Anthony said with a devilish grin.

Smiling softly, Anthony offered his arm to Penelope and guided her to the mallets for her to choose. Her gaze roved over the various colored mallets, her hand tapping one here and there as she considered. Penelope caught Anthony's eye and smirked as her hand hovered over the black mallet. She saw him tense and narrow his eyes at her as if daring her to take his mallet. From the corner of her eye, she could see the rest of the Bridgertons lean forward, eager to see their dastardly brother get his comeuppance finally. Anthony and Penelope stared each other down for a moment or two, with Penelope even laying her hand on the Mallet of Death. As Anthony let out a playful growl in warning, she laughed and rolled her eyes before grabbing the pale yellow mallet right next to it.

"Oh, come on," El groaned and stomped her foot as Anthony quickly grabbed the Mallet of Death before the rest of the Bridgerton siblings fell onto the mallets like a band of ravaging beasts.

Grinning like a loon, Anthony swung the black mallet back and forth, getting used to it again after a few months without playing the game. "I look forward to smashing all of you, as usual."

Penelope rolled her eyes at his childish delight. Once finished taunting his siblings, Anthony walked over to her.

"Have you ever played Pall Mall before?"

"I think I might have played it when I was a very young girl with my sisters before my mother decided we were too old for such "unladylike" pursuits, though I don't remember much of the rules of the game."

Anthony briefly scowled, no doubt at the mention of her mother's restrictions on Penelope and her sisters, before the scowl faded and he leaned down closer to her so that he could whisper in her ear, "I have always found that "unladylike" pursuits are oftentimes the things that draw my attention the most in a woman."

Penelope blushed as Anthony winked and then stepped back a bit before going through the rules of the game calmly as if he hadn't just flirted with her.

Pall Mall was a cutthroat game as far as the Bridgertons were concerned. The goal was to get your ball through the series of hoops strategically placed around the lawn in increasingly perilous locations and angles. When it was your turn you could choose to either move your ball forward or sabotage a competitor's ball. Whoever got through the course first or, most hilariously, sent Anthony's ball into the lake, won the game.

The game began well. If you could call the natural bickering and fighting of the many Bridgerton siblings as going "well". Penelope had a delightful afternoon spent laughing and joining in on the bickering and playful fighting, Anthony routinely circled back to spend time with Penelope even as his ball led the charge towards completing the course and winning the game.

Then, Simon's turn came up. He stepped away from Daphne, who he had been whispering conspiratorially with just a moment before. With a cheeky glance at Anthony, he smacked his ball into Anthony's and sent it sailing across the lawn, down the embankment towards the lake, and out of sight.

Anthony yelled furiously and glared at Simon. "I'm going to get you for that, Hastings."

Simon chuckled. "I live in fear, Bridgerton."

With one last glare, Anthony stomped away to go find his ball. All of the Bridgerton siblings brayed like donkeys as Anthony disappeared down the embankment. Benedict stepped up to his ball and took his turn, sending his ball into the lead with a whoop.

Then, like Simon, Daphne stepped up to her ball and with an impish smirk sent Penelope's ball sailing in the direction Anthony had wandered off to in search of his ball. Unlike with Anthony, the Bridgerton siblings cried foul at Daphne's hit against Penelope's ball, but she stood regally and smirked all the while. Penelope narrowed her eyes at Daphne. The eldest Bridgerton daughter's eyes were twinkling and she nodded her head towards where Anthony went with a raised eyebrow.

Oh.

Picking up her mallet, Penelope smiled at Daphne and made her way across the lawn towards Anthony. She made it to the embankment and looked down, curiously she saw Anthony lying on his back in a pit of mud. Stepping forward to make her way down the embankment, Penelope opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing only to cry out as her feet slipped out from below her and she fell on her back before she began to slide down the embankment. Anthony, from the bottom of the embankment, snapped his head up towards her at her cry and scrambled amidst the mud to catch her as she slid down, headed straight for the water.

The two groaned quietly, Penelope having crashed into him as Anthony caught her. Finally, they came to a stop a few feet away from the lake's shoreline.

Lying there with Anthony on top of her with his hands sinking into the mud on either side of her body to hold some of his weight, Penelope blinked dazedly up at the sky and then let out a giggling laugh. "Thanks for catching me."

Meeting her eyes, Anthony smiled down at her, "My pleasure."

Reaching up, Penelope pushed a lock of soft dark brown hair away from Anthony's face without thought. Freezing when she realized what she'd done, Penelope's eyes widened.

The two lay there staring into each other's eyes until finally, Anthony leaned down and softly pressed his lips to Penelope's. The kiss was delicate, a gentle press of lips. It sparked a wave of warmth through her body and she couldn't help but lean up more to press her lips even harder to his. Anthony nipped Penelope's bottom lip and Penelope let loose a whimper at the pleasure/pain that coursed through her body. Groaning, Anthony let his weight settle down over her body, his weight surprisingly comfortable. He slipped his tongue in between Penelope's opened lips with a murmur of her name. Squeaking, Penelope froze for a moment before Anthony's tongue teased her. The smooth, wet, warmth caressing hers made her moan and before she knew it, they were kissing furiously, their tongues dueling back and forth.

Anthony pressed his body as close to hers as possible and Penelope instinctually spread her legs to make room for him to slip between her thighs. Thrusting his tongue inside her mouth, Anthony mimicked that same motion with his hips against hers and Penelope gasped, wrapping her arms around Anthony to clutch his body to hers.

One moment she was completely engrossed in the heavenly kiss Anthony was consuming her with and the next she felt a wet, plop fall on her face, shocking her. Opening her eyes, she looked up to see Anthony staring at the hand he had hovering over her cheek as if to caress it. The hand was covered in a glob of mud. He looked from his hand down to the splatter of mud across Penelope's face in horror.

So Penelope did the only thing she could, she grabbed a handful of mud and smashed it into Anthony's face in retaliation. They were both dead silent for a second afterward and then Anthony's surprised face set her off, Penelope letting loose a very unladylike snort, then a full-on belly laugh.

"Why you little minx," Anthony squawked before he grabbed another glob of mud threateningly.

Penelope stopped laughing very quickly, eyeing the mud with trepidation. "Anthony…"

Anthony looked from her to the mud and then back again before grinning, only for Penelope to take the chance she was given and smash another glob of mud into his face and scramble out from under him with a giggle.

Anthony let loose a growl behind her and tackled her to the ground, and soon they were in a full-out mud fight like they were in leading strings once again. They threw handfuls of mud back and forth at each other, ducking and diving, laughing like children as they scrambled away whenever the other tried to get closer. Just as Anthony gained a lead, tumbling her gently into a deeper puddle of mud with his body pressing hers down into the puddle as he laid on top of her, they were interrupted.

The clearing of a throat sounded out and they both looked up at the top of the embankment to see all of the Bridgerton siblings, plus Simon, standing there with various looks of shock and amusement on their faces.

"Having fun?" Daphne asked with a smirk.

Anthony let the handful of mud in his hand drop to the ground with a splat before he offered his hand to Penelope to help her up from where she was sprawled in the mud. "Yes, if you must know."

Once Penelope was on her feet, the two of them began trying to make their way up the embankment only for Anthony to slip and fall face-first into the mud.

He lay there for a second in shock, his mud-splattered face flushed in embarrassment and he grimaced before he stood up, slipping and siding a little more to the point of nearly falling face-first in the mud again as he regained his balance. "On second thought, we'll go around to the shallow embankment; it's safer."

Penelope snorted in laughter in a very unladylike manner and took his hand as he led her over to a gentle slope nearby that would be an easier trek up the muddy bank. Anthony manfully ignored the laughter of his siblings echoing from behind them.

If frustration had a face it would be Anthony's. It had been four days since that exquisite kiss and Anthony was beyond frustrated that he hadn't had the opportunity to find a moment alone with Nel to discuss it. After they had walked back to the house, Eloise pulled Nel away in a streak of typical possessiveness after getting an in-person glimpse into Anthony and Nel's growing connection. She'd then spent the next two days continuing the streak, demanding all of Nel's time from morning until night. Finally, on the third day, she relented after Nel made a pointed comment about her behavior, only for Anthony to be called away on business for another two days.

This morning, Anthony had woken up well before dawn to race back to Aubrey Hall to at least see Nel off and hopefully get a moment alone with her, if he could just get his horse to ride that much swifter. However, when he arrived the staff was loading her luggage into the carriage, with Nel and his family already saying their goodbyes a few feet away.

Cursing under his breath, Anthony jumped off of his horse and gave the leads to one of the staff. Straightening his vest with a deep breath, Anthony walked over and waited his turn to say goodbye. Nel met his eyes as she hugged Hyacinth goodbye, her eyes were sad but she gave him a small smile.

Finally, Nel made her way towards him after she hugged everyone else goodbye. His mother gave him a look he couldn't read and then herded the family back towards the front door. Each one of them tried but failed at looking like they were doing anything but watching Anthony and Nel with immense curiosity.

"I had hoped I would be back yesterday," Anthony said softly as he took a step nearer to her until they were but a hair's breadth away from each other.

Nel gave him a small smile, "The responsibilities of a Viscount never end, it seems. At least you were able to get here in enough time to say goodbye."

"I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I woke up long before the sun rose just to get here before you left." Briefly looking at his family where they stood not so inconspicuously watching them, Anthony grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth for a heartfelt kiss against her soft skin. "I had so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to do, and now we are out of time. Much of it I think would be best done in person… so it will have to wait until the next time we meet again. Can you wait until then?"

With tearful eyes, Nel nodded and whispered, "Yes, I can wait for you."

Leaning forward, Anthony kissed her temple gently, breathing in a lungful of her orange and cinnamon scent, hoping it would keep him going until he saw her again. Nuzzling her temple, he breathed words against her beautiful alabaster skin, "I will make the wait worthwhile, I promise you, Nel."

He heard her breath catch as she whispered his name like a prayer. " Anthony ."

They stood there for a few more moments, just enjoying the closeness of one another before Anthony noticed Nel's maid emerge from the front door of Aubrey Hall with her small carpet bag filled with her belongings. Stepping back before the maid could see something that would very quickly get back to Lady Featherington, Anthony led Nel over to the carriage and held her hand as she stepped inside.

Reluctantly, he let her hand go and stepped back for the maid to enter as well. With one last look of longing, Anthony closed the carriage door and stepped back. He stood there with his family and waved as the carriage pulled away, feeling as if his heart was leaving with her.

Anthony remained there long after he lost sight of Nel's carriage as it dipped behind a line of trees, taking her away from Anthony and Aubrey Hall on its way to return her to the Featherington country estate once again. Sighing, he made his way to his study for a few moments to collect himself.

Entering his study, he found Benedict in front of his liquor cabinet pouring two tumblers of whiskey.

"Sit down, brother." Benedict laughed as he handed him his whiskey, "Here, have a drink, you look as if you need it."

Taking a gulp of his whiskey, Anthony slumped into the austere chair behind his desk that used to belong to his father and sighed.

"When I heard you had been exchanging letters with Penelope, my first reaction was to wonder what more scandal was about to befall this family in the wake of Lady Crane's subterfuge upon Colin and our family. You are a "Capital R Rake" after all. I'll not share the reaction of our dear sister; Eloise has never been one to share very well, and her friendship with Penelope has always been something she coveted like a dragon amidst its gold." Benedict laughed, no doubt remembering a laundry list of gripes from Eloise about Anthony's growing friendship with Nel and his suitability, or lack thereof, to be her friend. "However, with each new letter you received, I witnessed a subtle change in you that left me more and more assured that whatever may come of your friendship with the youngest Featherington, it would be nothing less than remarkable."

Giving his brother a half smile, Anthony hummed. "I didn't intend for it to be anything else but a short letter giving my condolences, while ensuring she knew we were thankful for her actions on our part and to apologize for Colin's buffoonery before he left on his travels. One letter turned into two into three, and then more; before I knew it, I was impatient for every new letter from her. I think I'm more than halfway in love with her and I don't even know when it started."

Benedict smirked. "Let me enlighten you, brother… It started the very night she told us about Lady Crane. I remember taking note of the look in your eyes as you looked at her, it grabbed my attention in a way that I'm unlikely to ever forget. You looked as if you were seeing her for the first time; you were looking at her like I look at a beautiful painting or like Colin looks at a magnificent feast. As if the secrets of the universe were just revealed to you and you were befuddled by the beauty of it all."

Thinking about it, he had to agree with Benedict. That night had been difficult in a variety of ways, but he remembered having a very hard time taking his eyes off of Nel as she spoke. There had been something in her countenance and in the way she held herself that night, as if she could project confidence in the face of uncertainty, from those around her and from within; it drew him in. He'd listened quietly as she explained every gruesome detail of Lady Crane's duplicitous acts with a soft but firm tone; her voice steady in the recount, even when she spoke of situations that propriety would usually demand she purposely shy away from or, even better, remain completely ignorant of.

When she had finished retelling the story to him and Benedict, she had met his gaze with quiet resolve, unflinching as she held his gaze. In the ten years since his father's passing, Anthony had been forcefully adapted to the challenges of his noble station and duty to his family by taking on an authoritative countenance and demeanor; even when his inner thoughts were the exact opposite. He'd projected the qualities he needed to have for years as he floundered along in the background until those qualities became him, superimposed on the Anthony he used to be before his father's death. He knew he was an acquired taste; stern, intense, belligerent, commanding, idiotic in the face of things that proved exactly what he was unwilling to accept. Yet, this 18-year-old wallflower sat regally in front of him and held his gaze, waiting patiently and without fear for him to speak.

He's not sure why he chose to kneel at her feet in thanks, but as he met her crystalline eyes and cradled her delicate hand in his, kissing her ungloved hand, he'd felt as if his world had tilted on its axis in a way that would remake it completely. Of course, he'd stupidly attributed that dynamic shift to the night's heightened emotions, but now he could say he knew better.

Later, he'd found himself captivated by her bravery in coming forward against her own family and even against Colin's initial harsh response to learning of Lady Crane's pregnancy. Anthony had to rein Colin in several times in the beginning; his brother's unrelenting and unjustified anger at Nel had nearly caused Anthony to rip Colin from the chair and throw him out into the hall for a thorough thrashing after treating a lady in such a way… especially a lady who cared for him deeply and was going to great lengths to save him from his own stupidity… when Colin seemed to want nothing more than to bury his head in the sand and ignore reality.

How was it that a woman ten years younger than him and his opposite in nearly every way could remake his world in one single night?

Benedict, no doubt having watched the evolution of emotions play across his face, smirked. "And what of Colin? He may not know it now, but at some point, he's going to realize how he feels about her."

Sighing, Anthony leaned back in his chair and stared into the fire. Yes, what about Colin , he thought.

"After that night, Penelope told me she had decided to put away her dream of his returning her feelings and one day marrying him. At first, I thought that she was merely saying those words from a place of hurt after the things he said that night and the days leading up to it. However, the more we spoke through our letters, the more I believe it might not have been love at all… at least not the kind of love that truly lasts. For years he's been a girlhood dream; a charming boy who was kind to her when so many were not. He was a hope for her, that someday he'd wake up and realize he was madly in love with her, and save her from the things her family said about her and did to her. She built him up in her mind, but that night I think they both finally knocked him off that pedestal she put him on for good. Whether he one day realizes how he feels for her or not, I think she's set her feelings for him aside for good."

"And if Colin asks you to step aside once he returns home?"

Rubbing his chin in thought for a few seconds, Anthony finally shook his head. "I don't think I can or will do that unless she asks me to. The thought of losing her to him, or anyone else really, feels like a knife in my chest. She makes me feel alive, like I'm walking on air. Her body sets mine on fire like no one else has. Penelope is witty, kind, gentle, determined, forthright… she'd make for a wonderful viscountess, a wonderful wife."

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

A soft smile unfolded upon Anthony's face, "The only thing I can do, I'm going to court her when the Season starts and then as quickly as she'll allow it, as is proper, I'm going to marry her so I can spend the rest of my life loving her."

Chapter Five

2nd February, 1814

My Nel,

I hope your journey home went well.

It has been only a little more than a day since I last saw you and I find myself unable to do anything but put pen to paper and speak to you once more, even if it is through letters rather than in person. Spending the last month near you was a gift in these dreary winter months, and now that you are gone Aubrey Hall seems less for it.

Eloise spent most of yesterday pouting now that her "dear friend" has gone away, which is always equal parts entertaining and frustrating depending on how much she leans into her more aggravating personality traits. I won't admit it, but I have indulged in a pout or two since you left as well. I look forward to when we meet once again at the start of the Season and speak of things that a letter just will not be sufficient enough to convey.

In other news, Benedict had the pleasure of being accosted by not one, not two, but three ducks this morning. They were furious with his apparent lack of awareness of being so close to their new ducklings. Benedict at first tried to shoo them away, but gave up fairly quickly, only to slip while evading the aggressive quacking and hissing ducks flapping away at him. He survived the encounter mostly unscathed, except for a bruised ego at being bested by animals a fourth of his size and drenched to the bone after falling into the lake in an attempt to evade the evildoers in pursuit of him, per his words. It was the highlight of the day and will be the topic of conversation within the house for some time, no doubt.

I look forward to your return letter, as you are always in my thoughts.

Faithfully Yours,

Anthony

7th February 1814

My Anthony,

My trip home was uneventful, which I imagine is preferable. It has been nearly a week, and I too find myself eager to resume our correspondence as well. Being away from you and the other lovely Bridgertons makes me sad, to tell the truth. My days feel less filled with love and cheer now that I have left Aubrey Hall and am back home with my family again. Most days, when I can slip away unnoticed, I spend reading or writing tucked away in my room, or on rare occasions, I am able to slip outdoors to enjoy the few days when the weather turns sunny for a time.

I am not surprised Eloise has taken to brooding now that I have left Aubrey Hall; she has always been an emotional creature, unwilling to let go of the people and things she loves most. Your quasi-confession about pouting in my absence brought a smile to my face. I hope you know that I look forward to the day we meet again as well; I dream of that day and of you, honestly.

Oh no, I do hope Benedict and his ego recover. Ducks can be highly territorial with their ducklings and their chosen ground, so I am glad nothing too bad happened. Try not to tease your brother too much, I am sure he'll forever be traumatized at the memory of being bested by those ducks even without the reminders from his loving but playful siblings bringing it back to his attention.

As for news in my family, Phillipa and my mother have become truly exasperating with their talk of nothing but my sister's wedding and all of the grand things they plan for the event. Truly, I am happy Phillipa has found love and will soon be married, but my mother has taken this event as an opportunity to ensure that the Bon Ton is assured of our continued high standing in society and to try to dissuade any rumors of instabilities in our family's coffers. My eyes have been blinded several times in recent days seeing the samples of fabric, feathers, glitz, and so forth thrust in front of me. It will undoubtedly be the most garishly grand wedding of many Seasons combined, my mother will do absolutely everything to ensure it. My mother is chafing at the bit to be back in Mayfair so she may begin arranging the event in full. The plan is to hopefully arrive in Mayfair on the 10th of March so that we might have roughly a week before the presentation of this Season's debutantes to the Queen.

Tell me something about you nobody else knows.

Ever Yours,

Nel

13th February, 1814

To My Glorious Nel,

I am sorry to hear that your family continues to be a trial instead of a comfort. If I could, if society mothers wouldn't gasp with shock, both of our mothers included, I would be on my trusty steed galloping through the night to spend my days with you and be the support and love you deserve. Alas, the restrictions of the Bon Ton, even away from its prying eyes, fall heavy for you and I. So instead, I will reiterate my promise, next time we see each other in person will be worth the wait. I miss you with every breath that I breathe.

My eyes are preemptively blinded by what I am sure will be the utterly flashy spectacle that is your sister's upcoming wedding. As I have stated before, your mother's tastes run the way of extremely violent colors and overly ornate designs, with a healthy splash of gaudy thrown in for flavor. The sort that doesn't flatter your more sophisticated and heavenly body the way it deserves. If only your mother would realize that fact, then your status would begin skyrocketing as men vie to obtain the affections of the most beautiful woman in the Bon Ton. Of course, selfish me, I would keep you all to myself if given the chance.

Something nobody else knows about me. Well, Benedict has some idea of this, but we have never spoken about it in detail or at all since my father died. Before I took up the mantle of Viscount, I had a dream of breeding horses. Since I was a young boy, I have always had a love of horses. There is something so majestic about them. Their strong spirits and beautiful regal bearing. I spent a great deal of my youth, whether at home or while attending Eaton, in the stables or on the back of a horse, racing towards the horizon. My father was hale and hearty, I thought I had years to dive deep into my passion for horses before the title fell on my shoulders. However, when my father passed suddenly, all my dreams of something else faded away. I struggled under the weight of helping my mother and my siblings grief as we all learned to live without the rock that had grounded us for so long; adding in the responsibilities as a viscount and managing our estates as the head of our family, made it impossible for me to entertain any personal dreams beyond my family's needs. Even the task of finishing at Oxford proved difficult and was only accomplished because my professors were willing to give me leeway, knowing the circumstances.

Once in a while I still dream of trying my hand at it now that I have had years to settle into being a Viscount and head of my family. However, something always pulls my attention away. At this point, it is merely the dream of the young boy I used to be. The man I am today must finally accept that I need to set that dream aside for good.

Now, my lovely Nel, tell me something about yourself that no one else knows… other than Lady Whistledown, of course.

Adoringly Yours,

Anthony

20th February, 1814

Wonderful, Faithful, Anthony

Each time you reveal more of yourself, the more I am in awe of the man you are. You have taken the weight of responsibility and shouldered it so well… even forsaking parts of yourself so that your siblings and your mother can have all that they want and need. Your devotion is admirable, and I am sure that your family remains unaware of everything you do for them in your effort to care for them. However, you must not forget that you deserve everything you want and need as well. I know the responsibility of a Viscount and that of the head of your family is time-consuming, but if you are to be happy and healthy of mind, you need to occasionally put your needs first. If you would let me, I would be the shoulder you lean on to accomplish achieving all the happiness you deserve while staying faithful to the care of your family.

As for my mother's design and clothing choices… yes, violent colors and overly ornate designs, indeed. I think my mother strives to not only mimic the peacock but to surpass it in attention-seeking displays. If only she would realize that the attention we garner hinders rather than helps our family reputation.

Now, in the matter of your wonderful words regarding my person, sir, you have made me blush. I hardly think even with a more flattering wardrobe that I could be labeled the "most beautiful woman" within the Ton. There are far more stunningly beautiful women than I. However, I thank you for the heartfelt compliment, nonetheless. And, I think you should know by now, that no one could ever or will ever compare to you in my eyes.

Now my secret, I have an unhealthy obsession with sweets. My mother has no sweet tooth to speak of and rarely allows sweets in the house except when guests visit or we hold a ball. The most defining reason for this is that she feels I indulge too much and is constantly trying to curb my eating habits, as she would prefer I weigh a stone or two less than I do currently. So, when I am given the opportunity to have sweets, with the most preferred sweet being Ratafia Cake, I do so with a little more indulgence than is probably proper for a lady of my standing.

Patiently Yours,

Nel

26th February, 1814

Beautiful, Beautiful, Nel,

I would gladly lean on you as a helpmate through life. Finding a balance between my responsibility to my family and my own desires has always been difficult, even before my father passed. I love my family with everything that I have and would sacrifice so much to ensure their happiness. However, you are right, balance must be achieved if I am truly to be happy in the life that I lead. Maybe we could work on that happy life together when we next meet?

As for you and your delightfully alluring body, yes, to me, you are the most beautiful woman in the Ton and I won't hear another word about it. As Viscount Bridgerton, I have spoken.

Can I be frank? Forgive me, but your mother is a woefully misinformed harridan. As I have just reiterated above, your body is perfect as it is; I would wish for nothing to change it, unless you desire to do so, and no one else can have a say in the matter. I know you love your mother, despite her very many flaws, but please, do not listen to her horrible opinion for a moment longer. Despite what she claims, men often prefer the hills and valleys of a shapely woman to a straight frame. I'm sure my mother would gasp were she to read this, but I desire your body with a fervor that threatens to consume me in a way that supersedes anything I have ever felt before and will never feel for any other woman again. I love your bountiful breasts and wish to press my cheek into them without any barriers, feeling their softness against my skin. I wish to slip between your curvaceous thighs and make myself a home there, forever. I want to grip your rounded hips tight and hold you close as long as you'll allow me. There is not a single thing about you or your body that I do not love and adore.

When I see you, be prepared for me to elucidate my love for your body in every way possible. I aim to prove your naming of me as a Capital R Rake. However, now and forever a Refocused Rake, just for you.

Longingly aching to see you again,

Anthony

6th March, 1814

My Devilishly Charming Rake,

There you go again, making me blush. Your words undo me in the best of ways. I couldn't possibly find the words for all the things I wish to say, even though I am a writer by trade. Nonetheless, I will try for you.

In the eighteen years that I have been on this earth, I have constantly felt like no one ever saw me, not truly. They saw parts of me, of course; the carefully curated pieces I chose to reveal rather than prostrate myself before them or the ugly mangled edges that were ripped from my body and pointed to, proof of my unworthiness to be amongst them. Eloise, Colin, and the rest of your family have always been the ones that got closest to seeing the whole of me, but never everything. Then, in one night, you swept in and slowly began to peel the layers hiding me from view. You, with your steadfast friendship, your unfailing support, your words of wisdom and of love. You stripped me bare, figuratively of course, and allowed me to show all my good and bad parts without worry of being rejected or misunderstood.

You see in me someone who is not only worthwhile but a woman you desire seemingly above all others. And the knowledge of that, of you, consumes me in equal measure.

I know that it is too late for you to write back once you receive this and have the letter reach me before my family leaves for Mayfair, so I do not expect a reply.

So let my words be the last thing you hear from me before we are once more reunited.

You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love you.

Yours Evermore,

Nel

Chapter Six

16th March, 1814

Taking a deep breath, Penelope gave her card to Lady Danbury's butler. It had been a little less than two months since she had last seen Anthony in person and soon she would finally get to see him again. She'd been in town for nearly a week, but the Bridgertons had been waylaid by a few days… meaning that she and Anthony hadn't had a chance to speak in person before the ball.

As her name was called out announcing her arrival at the ball, she stepped past the butler and over to the top of the stairs. She could feel it as one by one every eye in the crowded ballroom turned towards her and gawked at the changes they could see. Penelope felt a nervous giggle threatening to break free, so she took another deep breath and began making her way down the stairs towards the rest of the Ton while they gossiped about her and made connections in hopes of marrying up on the social ladder.

When Penelope left Aubrey Hall two months ago she had returned to the Featherington country house with a fire burning in her mind and body. Anthony's promise had taken its spot front and center in her mind, and with it, the desire to prepare for what she hoped was coming, even if Anthony had never explicitly stated what the promise was.

After a lifetime of being told she was too large, too interested in things "unbecoming of a lady", too plain to catch the eye of anyone of note… she found herself ignoring the self-doubts that had plagued her for years, and instead pressing forward into the promise of a better tomorrow. If she was to become Anthony's wife and his viscountess, as she hoped that was the promise Anthony was giving, then she needed to present herself as worthy of such a station in the Ton. She is sure Anthony would tell her she needed to be exactly who she was and no one else, but Penelope knew that if she was to succeed at being his viscountess she needed people to respect her. Besides, everything she had changed had been what she had desired for years, she just didn't have the bravery to take the reins from her mother to make it happen.

In the lead-up to their leaving for Mayfair, Penelope battled with her mother to give her permission for Penelope to take control of her wardrobe and fashion it in a way more suited to her figure and her personal style. It took two weeks, but her mother reluctantly agreed. Though she loudly, and repeatedly, voiced her opinion that Penelope was reducing her already small chances of finding a husband to nearly zero. However, Penelope pressed on. She corresponded with Madame Delacroix to create a wardrobe that she wanted and needed. Dropping the waist on her dresses a bit, changing the colors to less obnoxious tones such as soft greens, blues, pinks, and lavender… or more rich tones like ruby and emerald. Madame Delacroix seemed excited to delve into designs found more on the Continent rather than current British styles and designs that just did not do justice to Penelope's figure. Along with the change in clothing, Penelope firmly pushed away her mother's not-so-subtle hints about hairstyles that had always made her look like a trussed-up doll or prepubescent child.

Tonight, she had opted for one of her favorites; a floor-length gown with deep red silk overlaid with layers of black lace that fell down and to the side with each layer, to show generous peeks of the red silk underneath. She wore a pair of white gloves that ended just above her elbows and paired the entire look with an understated string of pearls and a cameo pendant. Her hair was swept up in a loose chignon with soft curls framing her face. For the first time since her debut last Season, she felt beautiful and comfortable in her own skin while in front of the opinionated and judgmental Ton.

Movement caught her eyes and she looked down to find Anthony making his way to the foot of the stairs, waiting for her with a look of wonder that made her blush. As she reached him, Anthony took her gloved hand and kissed it, desire so clear in his eyes.

"You look breathtaking, my love," Anthony whispered into her ear.

Smiling up at him, she wished she could rest her head on his chest and feel his warmth against her skin. "Thank you, Anthony."

Grinning, Anthony rested her hand on his arm and began to guide her across the ballroom to where the rest of the Bridgertons stood, save Colin who was still abroad. "I see you persuaded your mother to allow you to choose your dress designs this Season."

"It took a great deal of effort, but yes. I thought it was time."

"You have always been beautiful, but I look forward to seeing just how beautiful you can truly be now that your mother's unfortunate style is no longer a factor. As I said, you'll quickly become the belle of the ball now that everyone can see your true beauty unhindered by violent colors and overly flashy designs. I will have to fend off an abundance of men to remain by your side."

Penelope felt her blush return and she whispered. "And as I have said, no one will ever compare to you, Anthony."

Anthony leaned down so that his lips softly grazed her neck for a brief moment and whispered in her ear, "Then I will endeavor to always be worthy to remain by your side."

They came to a stop a few feet away from the Bridgertons and gazed into each others' eyes for a few moments, speaking without saying a word aloud of the promised future that lay ahead.

The clearing of a throat finally tore their eyes away from each other and they turned as one to see a smirking Benedict. Behind him were the rest of the Bridgertons along with Lady Danbury, Simon, and Daphne. All of them were looking at them with various looks of amusement or, in the case of Eloise, a pouting scowl.

"Penelope, you look stunning!" Lady Bridgerton exclaimed as she hugged Penelope.

"Thank you, Lady Bridgerton."

Shaking her head, Lady Bridgerton leaned closer. "You must begin calling me Violet, dear… as I believe in the near future we will be family, will we not, Anthony?"

Anthony rolled his eyes as his mother gave him an eager look, "Mother, we haven't even begun to officially court. I want to do this properly so that it becomes very clear to her mother and the Ton how much I adore her."

"I think you have already begun to make your feelings known, dear boy," Lady Danbury said with a smirk as she nodded to some nearby groups who were eagerly listening to every word. "I am happy to see someone finally noticed the truly unique gem hidden within the Ton that is Miss Featherington. Don't disappoint me, Anthony."

Penelope felt her cheeks warm at the wonderful compliment, only to blush even more when Anthony briefly gave Lady Danbury a serious nod and then looked down at her with an adoring look.

"I intend to spend my life ensuring her happiness, Lady Danbury."

"Yes, yes, now, it's my turn to say hello to my best friend, Anthony." Eloise finally lost her patience waiting her turn and dragged Penelope over to a nearby empty corner to talk privately.

"Anthony? Really? You want to court and marry my idiot brother?" Eloise crossed her arms and pouted.

Penelope gave her best friend a gentle smile and clasped Eloise's hand in hers tightly. "I know you don't like change, especially when you feel like you are losing someone you love to that change, but think of it this way… we have always wanted to be sisters, and now we really will be." Leaning closer, with a conspiratorial grin, she added, "And, as Anthony's wife, I'll be there for you in regards to your family's push to find you a husband and hopefully gently steer them in the direction you would like best. Besides, as his wife, I will have his ear and maybe, if you continue to feel no desire to marry, we can convince him and your mother sooner rather than later to accept your choice."

Biting her lip, Eloise sighed. "I guess that doesn't sound so bad, but I demand that I get my equal share of time with you. You were my friend first, long before this love business started; I won't have Anthony horning in on our friendship."

Laughing, Penelope nodded. "That sounds reasonable, but I do plan on adding to the Bridgerton numbers, so you'll definitely have to share with mine and Anthony's children when they start to arrive."

Smiling for the first time that night, Eloise linked her arm with Penelope's. "You know, I'm not a big fan of babies, but I do have to admit your and Anthony's kids will no doubt be beautiful little Bridgertons. As their soon-to-be favorite aunt, I plan to corrupt them horribly, just so you know."

"I wouldn't expect anything less. Now, if you wouldn't mind, it's been two months since I've spent any time with your brother and I missed him terribly while we were apart."

"Oh fine, if we must." Eloise jokingly pouted and started guiding them back to the Bridgertons, but at a very slow pace. "Are you really dead set on marrying him? We could run away and live free… I still think it would be wonderful to grow old as two spinsters together living in a cottage by the sea like we talked about."

"It was a lovely daydream, but my most treasured dream was always to be a mother and to marry a man I loved and who loved me… and I'm afraid I love Anthony beyond reason. The thought of living a life away from his side feels like my heart is breaking in two."

Giving Penelope a sad, but nonetheless happy smile, Eloise nodded. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to live with you and Anthony instead. I can get started corrupting your no doubt massive brood of Bridgertons from day one."

Laughing, they stopped in front of Penelope's soon-to-be family. Anthony gave her a soft smile and offered his arm for her to rest her hand upon, standing as close as propriety would allow. Penelope spent several minutes speaking with her beloved Bridgertons and extended family before the sound of her mother's shrill voice reached her ears.

"Penelope, where have you been, foolish girl? You know I had plans to introduce you to several gentlemen tonight."

"I was just saying hello to our host and the Bridgertons, mother."

"Lady Featherington, good evening," Anthony said stiffly as he reluctantly let go of Penelope's hand.

"Yes, good evening, Lord Bridgerton, Lady Bridgerton, Lady Danbury." Her mother nodded, putting on a sparkly smile as she looked at them and tried to project confidence and class. "Lady Danbury, such a beautiful ball, as always. One can always tell when a woman with excellent taste plans and executes a ball. You would be surprised at how few women have truly good taste and class, and are aware of it."

Lady Danbury gave Penelope's mother a raised eyebrow and a sarcastic nod that had Penelope nearly bursting into laughter. "Yes, you are correct, Lady Featherington, very few have the self-awareness to realize they lack good taste."

Smiling as if she had succeeded in forming a connection with Lady Danbury rather than reaffirming the incompatibility between the two, her Mother grabbed her arm and said, "We must continue this discussion later this evening, Lady Danbury. However, now I have a few gentlemen I'd like Penelope to meet tonight… if you'll excuse us."

Her mother grabbed her arm and pulled Penelope away while speaking in a stage whisper that carried farther than Penelope would have liked, "Really, Penelope, when will it get through your silly little head that you are reaching far above your means trying to garner the attention of any Bridgerton man? You must turn your eyes to gentlemen who wouldn't mind a plain, overly shaped girl such as you are. Now, Lord O'Dell is waiting to meet you. He's a lord of means and requires an heir. His previous wife was unsuccessful at birthing a male child; as he reaches his sixth decade he is willing to look farther afield for a wife able to succeed where the previous could not, which is perfect for a woman such as yourself with little else to offer."

Sighing, Penelope looked back as her mother dragged her away and met Anthony's eyes. He frowned and then mouthed "soon" to her before a group of debutants stepped into her view of him.

For the next five minutes, Penelope endured a round of demeaning questions from Lord O'Dell pertaining to her health and her chances of giving him an heir, her mothering abilities, and so forth. Her mother interjected here and there, exclaiming Penelope's stellar breeding and obedient nature, speaking about her as if she were a prized mare up for auction.

"Well, you're not much to look at usually, tonight being an exception. However, I might have use for you." Lord O'Dell mused, giving her body a once over for the third time in five minutes.

Then, her savior appeared behind her. "Excuse me Lord O'Dell, Lady Featherington, Miss Penelope has promised me the first dance."

Turning around, Penelope smiled at Anthony and took the hand he held out to her.

"Penelope, you were in the middle of speaking to Lord O'Dell, you cannot be so rude."

"I do apologize, Lord O'Dell, but I promised Lord Bridgerton the first dance before I knew my mother had spoken to you of our meeting each other. If you'll excuse me," Penelope curtsied to the lord and allowed Anthony to swiftly guide her away as he gave a nod to the other lord and her mother.

Once they were far enough away, Penelope breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"I had planned on asking you for the first dance no matter what, but I saw it as the perfect opportunity to get you away from your mother's dubious aspirations for you and from that wretched man." Anthony nearly growled as he turned his head and looked back.

Penelope turned as well and saw her mother and Lord O'Dell both looking at them with equal parts confusion and annoyance.

Getting into position for the dance, Penelope's eyebrows raised in shock as she heard the first notes of the waltz begin to play. "This is a waltz, Anthony. It's scandalous for this to be our first dance together."

Laughing, Anthony pulled her even closer and purred into her ear. "Exactly, I want to make my intentions known quite clearly. On that note, I would like to reserve all of your dances for the evening."

Gasping, Penelope raised her head and stared at him. "All of them?"

"I have a mind to reserve all your dances for the rest of your days, but let's start with just tonight for now." Smirking, Anthony guided her around the floor as the dance started.

Gliding around the dance floor, Penelope stared in wonder into Anthony's eyes and felt her heart trip over itself as Anthony looked down at her with a wealth of love in his eyes. It was a look that she had dreamed of receiving for years and now, seeing it coming from a man she was coming to think of as the love of her life, it made her eyes water in happiness.

Anthony's gaze softened as her tears threatened to break free and he pulled her closer. His arm around her waist gripped her tighter as his thumb rubbed back and forth at the small of her back, comforting her. Even though it was probably edging into breaking the bounds of propriety, he held her close for the entire dance.

Two dances later, Anthony reluctantly pulled away and went to get them some refreshments on the other side of the ballroom. Not even a minute after Anthony left, a smirking Cressida stopped in front of Penelope.

"You don't think you have a chance of becoming Viscountess Bridgerton, do you?" She must have seen something in Penelope's expression as Cressida's mocking laugh burst forth, echoing around them and drawing the eye of a few people nearby. "Oh, sweet, naive, Penelope, you actually think a man like Viscount Anthony Bridgerton would ever entertain courting someone like you, let alone marry you? That is the most amusing thing I've heard in months."

"Why do you care what I think of his attention to me, Cressida? Lord Bridgerton certainly had no interest in cruel, vain, harpies such as yourself; so what does it matter how he views me?"

Cressida's smirk turned into a scowl as several people around them laughed under their breath at Penelope's jab. It felt a bit cathartic to hit back at the woman who had bullied her since they were young girls. Leaning in closely, Cressida hissed, "I would watch how you speak to me, Penelope, I have the ear of Lady Whistledown, and with just a few pointed comments I could have your reputation ruined beyond recovery. We'll see how much attention Lord Bridgerton pays you then!"

Laughing at the absurdity of her threat, Penelope opened her mouth to bite back at Cressida's viperous words, but Anthony beat her to it.

As Anthony made his way back from the refreshment table, he couldn't help but feel as if he was walking toward his future. Though he and Penelope hadn't yet had the chance to talk privately about a future together, he knew it was only a matter of time before he made her his wife and he couldn't wait for that day.

A year ago, Anthony was staunchly opposed to getting married any time soon. After the events with Sienna and the end of their entanglement, he was of the firm belief that he would have to marry and that it would unlikely be out of love.

Now, here he was making plans to court and then marry Penelope… he wanted to call her his wife, he wanted to spend a lifetime loving her and building a family with her. If Penelope was amenable, he'd love to beat his mother and father's record of children and make it past the H in the alphabet.

Glasses of lemonade in hand, Anthony made his way past a group of giggling debutantes, ignoring their come-hither glances with trained apathy. It was then he saw Penelope cornered by that vile Cressida Cowper. First, he heard her disparage Penelope and his intentions towards her, then she threatened the woman he loved and he swiftly stepped in with a fury he'd rarely felt before.

"Miss Cowper, I would advise you to cease your malicious attack on Miss Penelope or I will be forced to speak to your father about your lack of decorum and your unprovoked cruelty to those around you," Anthony growled, stepping beside Penelope as he handed her a glass of lemonade. He gently brought her free hand up to rest on his outstretched arm in a show of solidarity and comfort. "As for your assertion about my intentions towards Miss Penelope, I'll let you be the first to know since you seem so interested; first thing tomorrow morning I plan to call on Featherington House and formally ask permission to court Miss Penelope with the intention of marriage. I have found her to be a singular woman in a sea of debutantes who do not fit me nor my family; she stands out when compared to debutantes that are less than impressive, such as yourself."

Cressida's face turned into a bitter look of horror at his words, the crowd around them began to whisper, and the gossip would no doubt quickly spread through the ball. And he is sure, Penelope would relish making a note of it in her next Lady Whistledown column.

"I think it is time for you to be on your way." Anthony pointedly looked away from Cressida and smiled softly down at Penelope, he was sure his look of adoration was so clear on his face to all those around them. As Cressida turned to leave, Anthony spoke again without taking his eyes off Penelope. "Oh, and Miss Cowper?"

Cressida stopped and turned back around, grimacing, she spoke. "Yes, Lord Bridgerton?"

"If you ever speak to or about Miss Penelope with anything other than kind words again, I will make my displeasure known to your father and every other eligible bachelor in the Ton, do I make myself clear?"

Cressida paled dramatically at his words and whispered, "Yes, Lord Bridgerton" before quickly walking away.

"You didn't have to do that, Anthony," Penelope said quietly.

"I will not allow anyone to speak to you like that again," Anthony said firmly. Then realizing how his words might have come across as uncaring of her opinion on the matter, in a softer tone, he added, "You are too precious to me to knowingly let others demean and treat you unkindly while not doing anything about it. Please do not ask me to do so."

Stepping closer to him, Penelope spoke with a smile on her face. "You are a wonderful man, Anthony. And, though you didn't have to say anything, I do appreciate it and the opportunity to see Cressida knocked down a peg or two publicly."

Anthony grinned down at her. "It was my pleasure."

Chapter Seven

17th March, 1814

As Penelope made her way down the back stairs just after four o'clock in the morning, she tried to control her breathing and her racing heart. After the ball started winding down a little before three o'clock in the morning and her mother began making motions to leave, Anthony had escorted Penelope to her carriage, whispering to meet him in her family's garden in an hour's time once her household had all gone to bed.

To keep their meeting a secret between the two of them, Penelope had gone through her normal routine with her maid and made ready for bed. Her maid had bundled her hair up in curls on her head with a strip of ribbon to hold it in place, but Penelope had ensured it looked as attractive as possible… though it was far more casual than Anthony was used to seeing. Now, as she slipped out of the back of her home and deeper into the gardens, she wondered if she should have changed into a simple dress for propriety's sake. Anthony had seen her dressed down before in her nightgown and robe, but that was by happenstance, and now she was purposely choosing to meet him in such a way tonight? Tonight she wore a gathered cotton cream nightgown with a low scooped neckline and matching robe over it for propriety's sake… of course, propriety was thrown out the window as soon as she decided to meet Anthony in the dark of night, alone.

Just as Penelope wavered on going back to her bedroom to change, she passed a large oak tree and found Anthony pacing impatiently a few feet away. He was dressed down as well in a simple set of trousers and shirt, the shirt opened a few buttons and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off the strong forearms beneath. His hair was in disarray as if he had been running his fingers through it repeatedly as he anxiously waited for her. The smile that appeared on his face when he noticed her shined as bright as the sun and took her breath away.

"Nel, my love," Anthony said softly as he quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in tight against his muscular chest.

"Hello, Anthony," Penelope murmured as she smiled up at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, carding her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. She had to lean her head back to look up at him as her short stature of only just over five feet was dwarfed by his six-foot frame. The disparity between their two heights only seemed larger in the dark of night, but it made her feel safe and secure within his arms.

"I'm sorry I was so late to town that we couldn't meet in private until now; it seems my family lives to thwart me in every frustrating way possible. They dragged their feet in preparing to leave on the tenth as I had intended. It was a miracle we left on the fourteenth and made it in enough time this morning to be able to debut Eloise at the palace and attend Lady Danbury's ball tonight. I threatened to leave without everyone; in the end, I had to carry Eloise to the carriage as she was in a strop about her debut this Season." He rested his forehead against hers, his brown eyes tender and filled with love as he whispered. "I missed you more than I can say these last few months."

Cupping his cheek with her small hand, she spoke with a smile, "I feel the same way."

Anthony nuzzled into her hand and kissed the center of her palm with a worshipful gaze. They stood there quietly enjoying the moment together, staring into each other's eyes, a look of love so clear in his eyes that it nearly brought her to tears.

"Now that we are once again together and alone, I need to say what I didn't have the chance to at Aubrey Hall and that I feel my letters were unable to capture fully… I love you, Penelope, my Nel, more and more with each new day. And, if it wasn't clear to you tonight at the ball, I wish to be more to you than just your friend, I wish to be your everything."

In reaction to those wonderful words, Penelope did the only thing she could… and that was saying it back with equal fervor.

"And I love you, Anthony. That night at the end of last season, I felt like my world as I knew it was ending. I realized that Colin was never going to feel about me the way I felt about him. But, in the midst of my heart breaking into pieces, you swept in like a whirlwind and stole my heart away from Colin without even trying. Your strength, your commanding presence, your courage, and your loving heart; every aspect of you amazes me and leaves me breathless. Loving Colin felt like a sweet and gentle wave with a side of continual heartbreak. It has been with me since before I truly knew myself or what I really wanted in life; it was the dream of a little girl who felt trapped by circumstance and life, and was looking for an escape. But loving you?" Penelope stopped for a moment and gave him a sweet smile, bringing his hand up to her lips and pressing a gentle kiss against his palm. "It feels like a deep ocean… something that wholly consumes and that will take years upon years, many decades honestly, to truly experience the full of it. My love for you is that of a woman grown; a woman who truly knows herself and what she wants. It's the love of a lifetime in the making."

Pressing a soft, loving kiss against Penelope's lips, Anthony breathed words against them. "I'm not the wordsmith you are, so I'm sure it will not be half as lovely as yours, but…"

He stopped for a moment, no doubt trying to find the best words to make his point clear. It was another aspect of what she loved about Anthony. He was deliberate and thoughtful in everything he did, even if he didn't always choose the right path or the right words, he tried to. Not because he wished to control everything around him in a selfish way, but because he held the weight of his family and the Bridgerton name on his shoulders, and had carried it fully since he was just a young boy of eighteen years of age. The weight of responsibility had changed him, making him who he was, and he took that responsibility seriously, even to the point of not always being understood or appreciated by his siblings and mother for all that he did for them.

"That night changed me as well. Not because of what you told us or the events that happened afterward with Colin and Lady Crane, but because that was the night I fully saw you and the extraordinary woman you truly are. You are magnificent in a thousand different ways; from your brilliant mind to your giving heart, your resilience in the face of a world that doesn't understand you." Smirking, he then leaned down to nuzzle a wonderful spot where her neck met her shoulders, causing a shiver of something heady to course through her body and a whimpering mewl to let loose from her lips. He growled playfully in response to the sound she made and lightly nipped the delicate skin behind her ear with his teeth. "And despite what your mother or sisters might think, your body is magnificently delectable as well. I dream of you every night in ways that leave me aching in the morning. Your ample and pillowy breasts, your curved hips, your luscious lips, your stunningly beautiful blue eyes. I can't wait until I can show you all the ways in which I adore your body and look forward to exploring every inch of it fully."

Panting softly, Penelope felt her heart racing. Tightening her grip on Anthony, she swayed closer to him, only to squeak when Anthony quickly guided her until her back was pressed against the oak tree behind them and began plundering her mouth. The dip and dive of his tongue into her mouth felt like a wave of pleasure, the act sinful in the best way. It consumed her and sent her adrift, only for Anthony to pull her back in, close to his side once more.

Penelope was consumed by the kisses Anthony pressed to her lips. Quick ones that left her wanting more, long ones that stole her breath from her body… deep ones that delved inside her mouth, their two tongues dueling back and forth, in and out… the kiss wrung whimpering moans with every swipe of his tongue against hers.

Swearing, Anthony released her mouth and pressed wet, warm kisses down her throat and along the line of her décolletage, her breasts heaving with each lovely kiss and suck he pressed into them. His hands wandered down her hips and one dipped around to grip the back of her thigh, pulling it around his own so that he could fit a muscular thigh between her own with a delicious thrust of his hips against her core.

Crying out, Penelope felt a wetness gathering between her thighs as her body reacted to Anthony's touch. She had never felt such things before. Being a wallflower that nobody paid much attention to and the famed Lady Whistledown, she had heard some whispers about what happened between a man and woman; it was vague allusions, but enough to leave her intrigued to learn more of the carnal act of lovemaking. Now, Anthony was setting her body on fire and she wanted more, so much more.

Penelope's hips joined Anthony's in motion, thrusting up against his with a cry that kindled the small flame within her into a roaring fire. She held on tightly to him, carding his fingers through his hair and murmuring nonsensically against his lips for something she couldn't even name.

"Can I touch you, my love?" Anthony whispered, his hand rounding her thigh and creeping closer to her center. "I want to see you peak on my fingers."

Swallowing roughly, Penelope nodded her head. A second later, Anthony's fingers reached for the hem of her nightgown and dipped underneath to quickly find her core, with no barriers between his fingers and her wet folds it awakened something deep inside her.

Gasping out, Penelope quickly covered her mouth with a hand as a deep cry of pure pleasure was forcefully ripped from her, her hips jerking forward into his heavenly touch. Anthony's rough fingers teased the nub at the top of her core, circling the tips of his fingers, featherlight one second and with infinite pressure the next. Penelope felt as if she was flying, her body no longer tethered to the earth beneath her feet.

"So wet for me, my darling. Very soon I'll get on my knees in homage to the goddess you are and sup from your lovely quim. The thought of your delicious elixir on my tongue, your beautifully nubile body against my own, has sustained me during the nights when you were so far away from me."

Whimpering, Penelope bowed her back and pressed her hips even harder against his fingers bringing so much pleasure to her body. Anthony's other fingers joined in and caressed her slit before gently pressing inside her one by one, in and out, over and over, as his pointer finger continued its assault on the nub at the top of her core.

She could feel a hardness against her hip as Anthony rocked against her, swearing harshly into the curve of her neck with each thrust of his hips, seeking his own pleasure at the touch of her body. With a nerve-racked motion, Penelope slowly reached and pressed her hand against Anthony's hardness, squeezing lightly and rubbing the soft yet firm appendage beneath his trousers. Anthony growled and swore a blue streak, pressing his hardness with vigor against her caressing hand as he redoubled his efforts to push her towards a peak she had never felt before.

"Oh god, Anthony, please ," Penelope begged as she clutched him closer. She truly had no idea what she was asking for, but she was sure Anthony could give it to her, whatever this "peak" was. She wanted it, she wanted everything he could give her.

Chuckling, Anthony's head dipped down and he pulled her nightgown down with his teeth, enough to reveal her bountiful breasts to him. "Hell, you are Aphrodite made flesh," he breathed out against her nipple, his warmth breath ghosting across it. Her nipple hardened at the tip, seemingly growing harder at the nearness of his mouth. Smirking devilishly, Anthony wrapped his lips around the tip, sucking harshly. The feel of the suction sent a sharp zing of pleasure straight down to her core and as he delivered a bite that sent a wave of pleasure/pain coursing through her mind and body exploded into infinite pleasure, pulling a brutal cry from her kiss-bitten lips as she peaked. Distantly she heard Anthony gasp her name and stiffen in her arms with two final forceful thrusts against her slackened hand, finding his peak along with hers.

As she fell back to earth, Penelope's gasping breaths began to return to normal. Opening her eyes she saw Anthony looking at her in a truly besotted way. "You are a goddess in every way, my love."

His words and loving smile made her collapse into his chest, pressing a giggle into it.

After catching his breath, Anthony leaned back and met her eyes. "I know I spoke of it to my mother and even Miss Cowper tonight, but never to you directly. So, if you are agreeable, I wish to call upon you tomorrow and officially ask to court you. Then, if the fates allow, I'd like to ask to marry you within a fortnight. I wish to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me, to love you in every way I can, and I want to get started doing so as quickly as possible. Let's fill Aubrey Hall with a gaggle of adorable red-headed children."

Happiness like she had never felt before overwhelmed her and she giggled. A second later, the tears that were threatening just a few minutes ago finally let loose. Tenderly wiping away the tears from her cheek, Anthony smiled down at her.

"I take it you are amenable?"

Laughing through her tears, Penelope nodded her head. "Nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with you as well."

Whooping in joy, Anthony picked Penelope up and twirled her around and around, his laughter echoing in the night, the personification of true happiness.

Epilogue

29th April, 1814

Birdsong roused Anthony from the deep slumber of the truly exhausted, having spent a night filled with the most fulfilling gentle lovemaking of his life… let alone the raw, filthy, carnal delights that followed their first coupling. His wife, his love, was truly a wonder and Anthony looked forward to the rest of his life spent eagerly at her side and her in his bed.

Just yesterday they had stood in front of the reverend with their families at their backs and promised to love, honor, and cherish each other from that day forward until death parted them. He had held her much smaller hands in his, watching the play of light frame her in golden tones, highlighting her ethereal beauty as if an angel from on high. For months, Anthony had felt as if he were the luckiest man alive, but at the moment his life was irrevocably and forever intertwined with Nel's, he'd been absolutely sure of it.

After that night in the garden, Anthony had held to his promise. The very next morning, earlier than most preferred but not too early to be improper, he arrived at Featherington House to request Lady Featherington's permission to court Nel. His now mother-in-law had truly tried his patience that morning, seemingly equally baffled and perturbed by Anthony's apparent desire to court her youngest daughter. She'd tried repeatedly to push Prudence his way, all while Nel stood beside him unsurprised by the callous disregard her mother was showing her. Nel had later told him that her mother believed he would lose interest in her before they were married and wished to push him in Prudence's direction as she thought her eldest daughter would have a better chance of making it to the altar (through dastardly means if necessary, and Prudence would be happy to allow their mother to compromise her to ensure it.)

He'd felt such fury on her behalf then and much later after their talk about her mother. He only just barely held it in, Nel's hand gently distracting him when he opened his mouth to lambast the vile woman. Anthony had drawn in a deep breath to calm the intense hatred for Portia Featherington he felt, to which she was oblivious to, and instead asked politely for permission to take Nel for a promenade through Hyde Park with his family.

He spent the next two weeks courting his future wife with a single-minded focus… he called every day with a massive bouquet of flowers and gifts for his love such as jewelry and books. He'd taken her out for picnics, promenades, trips to get ice lollies, rides in the park, and much more. Anthony had shown the Ton the strength of his love for Nel to the point that word quickly got around that he was a man absolutely besotted in his regard for Nel and, honestly, it was a reputation that he wholeheartedly embraced as it was a truth that he would hold true until the day he died. As he had told Cressida Cowper at the first ball of the season, Nel was a singular woman and Anthony was fully aware that he did not deserve her, but he would spend his life striving to fill her life with love and happiness.

There were some hang-ups along the way, of course.

The day before Anthony had planned to officially propose to Nel publicly, Colin arrived back in Mayfair with a decidedly unhappy countenance. It seemed the family had made mention of Anthony and Nel's growing friendship in letters to him, but it was his mother who had finally been the one a month ago to openly state Anthony's desire to court and marry Penelope in her letter to Colin. This had prompted his brother to return to Mayfair a bit sooner than expected; set on dissuading Anthony from setting his sights on Nel in a convoluted barrage of reasons why it was a mistake. By the end of his long-winded rant, Anthony had been nearly ready to strangle Colin, though he loved him dearly. Colin had tried every excuse from Nel being at fault for his broken engagement to Miss Thompson to her being a conniving woman scorned who was using Anthony to get back at Colin. His final excuse, which was more than likely the true reason for his outburst, was that Colin might have feelings for Nel that he needed time to accept and be ready to marry her like she had always wanted.

Anthony had quietly stood from his seat when Colin finished, adjusted his waistcoat with a great deal of care as he purposely ignored his immediate instinct of laying his brother flat on the ground with a punch. Instead, he told Colin that he loved Nel, that she loved him, and that he was going to marry her … Colin would just need to accept it. He'd left a dumbfounded Colin in his study and continued making plans for his proposal the next day.

Colin had spent a week pouting and mumbling under his breath about Anthony stealing Nel from him as he tried to get Nel alone to convince her he was the better choice. Anthony had thwarted every effort of Colin's to do so, but each and every effort Colin made did not go unnoticed by her, their families, or the Ton. Finally, Nel lost her patience and took the opportunity in front of their entire family to tell Colin that she did love him, but as a soon-to-be brother, and that she wasn't sure she'd ever loved him as anything more. As Colin had stood there, his face crumpling at her words, Nel had told him that what she had felt for him was nothing compared to the deep, unshakeable love she felt for Anthony. Firmly, but as gently as possible, Nel had told Colin he was her past and Anthony was her future, her everything.

His memories for the next little while after that were a bit incomplete other than a carnal haze of want and action. However, from what Benedict and Simon had told him afterward, Anthony had forgotten propriety completely and had pulled Nel into a searing kiss, filled with passion and hand placements that were decidedly not proper. The kiss had set his mother to quickly usher everyone out of the drawing room with a laugh and a soft smile on her face, giving him and Nel a few moments alone to revel in each other.

Colin after that day had not said another word against Anthony and Penelope, but he'd booked passage on another trip aboard with an excuse of feeling wanderlust once again. He'd stayed until the wedding but had quickly left Mayfair as Anthony and Nel had shuffled into the carriage with their families seeing them off on their quasi honeymoon.

They had both agreed that between Anthony's responsibilities with the family and in Parliament, and with Nel's Lady Whistledown column, they needed to remain in Mayfair until the end of the Season. So they had retired to a little used Bridgerton residence a block away from Bridgerton House for a week while still being nearby for their individual responsibilities.

Last night Anthony had introduced Nel to a wealth of carnal activities and had quickly found himself just as overwhelmed with pleasure and desire as his new wife. He remembered the feeling of pressing deep within Nel's body, a staggering feeling of rightness overcoming him as he settled fully into her body with his cock nestled to the hilt in her wet, tight quim. They laid there for a few moments letting Nel's body adjust, but also allowing Anthony to gain control of his body's desire to peak with little regard to embarrassment for his apparent lack of stamina when it came to the delights of his wife's body. Once he'd regained his control, he withdrew, pulling a delicious moan from her lips before thrusting back inside. He gained a rhythm, pressed flush against her alabaster skin from head to toe, and proceeded to push Nel to heavenly heights before spilling inside her as he found his peak alongside hers. As he had laid there, cradled between her luscious thighs and nuzzled his face into her bountiful breasts, he'd realized that it was the first time of many to come that he would be able to spill inside a woman… inside his wife, and hopefully, soon he would plant the seed that would grow into their first child, with many more to come.

He couldn't count how many times last night they had found release in one another's body, but sometime around daybreak, they had collapsed onto the bed wrapped around one another and fallen into a deep, satisfied sleep.

Now, as he opened his eyes, he was met with the vision of his personal angel sprawled out across the bed beside him. The sheet, having slipped down while they slept, lay across his wife's generous bosom with the tip of one deliciously pink nipple peeking out from beneath. Grinning, Anthony leaned over and licked the tip before gusting a warm breath against it. Nel squirmed with a mewl but did not wake as the sheet fell down her body even more as she spread her legs and gripped the bed below. As the sheet revealed the glistening mound between his wife's thighs, he licked his lips like a man three days since his last drop of water. Making his way down to the promised land, Anthony held up his pledge and began to pay homage to the goddess he had dedicated his life to, supping from her sumptuous quim.

Spreading the folds of her core, Anthony licked her slit from bottom to top, his tongue delving deep for a moment before flicking up and over the pleasure center at the top of her mound. He grinned at the moan his actions caused, wrapped his hands around Nel's spread thighs, and dove deep, filling his mouth with her delicious taste. Thrusting deep, he flicked and sucked, nipped and thrust, spreading her wide open in the process. His wife was heaven-sent, a feast for the senses, and tasted like ambrosia on his tongue.

"Oh god, Anthony!" Nel whined as she woke with a cry, arching her hips up into his mouth, begging for more.

Chuckling, Anthony focused on her nub and slipped two fingers deep inside her, angling them as he searched for that perfect spot that made every woman burst into a raging inferno of lust and pleasure.

Nel let loose a squeal and gripped his head with both of her small, delicate hands; pulling and tugging his hair as she pressed his mouth closer, the act equal parts demand and pleading for more, wanting the spike of bliss that would send her over the edge and into pure ecstasy. Anthony pressed a third finger inside as his lips tugged her nub deep into his mouth with fervent suction. A second later, Nel tensed up and let loose a long moan as she peaked that nearly had Anthony following right after her.

As Nel's breathing began to return to normal, she used her hands to tug him upwards before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing up into a sweet kiss that made Anthony's toes clench in euphoria.

"You wonderful, wonderful, man," Nel whispered with an adoring smile as she pressed kisses all over Anthony's face.

Smirking, Anthony carded his fingers through her fiery hair as he came to a rest between her thighs. "As I told you that night in your mother's garden, I mean to pay homage to the goddess you are and sup from your lovely quim every day for the rest of my days."

Giggling, Nel slid her hands down Anthony's back before wrapping a leg around his hips and thrusting her wet core against his aching cock. Anthony groaned at the rush of pleasure that coursed through his body as his cock slid through her warm wet folds, his body jerking with the desire to plunge his cock deep within her tight heat.

"Come, husband, take your pleasure," Nel murmured as she reached down and guided him to her entrance, moaning as his cock entered her and was quickly buried to the hilt.

"Wife, you are truly a marvel," Anthony groaned as he began thrusting deep, flexing his muscles as he pulled out until only the head remained and then plunging deep once again, their moans mingling as one. "I want to spend my days here, as deep inside of you as I can be, to make a home here and never leave."

"I imagine your family would have something to say about us being joined in such a manner once we return to Bridgerton House."

Scowling playfully, Anthony slid his hands underneath her shapely bottom and angled her hips up so that his cocked could pound against that special spot once again. "Then they will just have to seek shelter somewhere else whenever I find the need to slip between your thighs and return to my true home inside you once again."

He smirked evilly as Nel gasped, her nails pressing deep into his back and her legs wrapped tight around his waist as she writhed against him in pleasure.

"Anthony!"

"Peak, my love. I want to feel you clench tight around me as I spill deep inside your womb, planting the seed that will be the first of many children I give you." Anthony's rhythm sped up, ramming as deep inside of her as he could reach, swearing as he felt her walls flutter around him as she neared her peak. Slipping a hand in between the tight press of their bodies, he fingered the tight nub at the top of her core and sent her into the stratosphere.

"Yes, oh god, Anthony, yes, please!" Nel screamed as she found her peak and dragged Anthony over the edge with her.

Collapsing down, Anthony rolled to the side and pulled his wife onto his chest and into his arms, pressing kiss after kiss to her lush lips and along her neck.

When his racing heart settled down once again, Anthony opened his eyes and looked down at his wife, feeling overwhelmed by the depth of love he had for her.

"I love you, wife; so much that I feel as if my heart beats only for you, without you in my life I think I would cease to be. Thank you for marrying me, and for loving me. You are everything to me and I can't wait to spend my life with you."

Nel lifted her head from where it was resting on his chest and cupped his cheek. She gave him the sweetest smile in existence and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Of course I had to marry you, Anthony, I love you beyond reason… I'd sooner cleave my heart in two than live another day without you. How could I live without you when you are my very heart and soul?"

A year ago his world was very dark and small compared to the wide open future that lay ahead of him now, and he couldn't imagine going back to it. If he was a poet or an artist like Benedict he might have been able to capture the essence of just how much he adored and treasured his wife. However, since he was not an artist or a poet, all he could do was tell her in words that would always fall short in expressing his love and continue to show her every day for the rest of his life through action. Rolling Nel over onto her back, Anthony laid his hand upon her belly and breathed a silent prayer. As his beautiful Nel laid her own hand atop his and smiled with tears in her eyes, it felt like an answered prayer. Hopefully, he'd started the first of many acts of love, seeding her womb with the deepest expression of his steadfast and abiding love for his wife.

The End.