Testing Audio -DK Principessa

by kibass91

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56. All You are is Mean

Summary:

This started off as a one-shot snapshot of a fight I imagined between Anthony, Colin, and Penelope. AU set in modern times. In this imagining, Pen and Anthony bonded over broken hearts and Colin found out they've been seeing each other. I decided to turn it in a full story.

I've just had this scene going around in my head so I decided to write it out. Plus I feel like there should be more Penthony stories out there, so here's a bit of one more.

The line I really wanted to work with was "You were everything to me and I was nothing to you."

Let me know if you think I should come up with the rest of this version of the story!

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

"You don't deserve her," Colin spat at his older brother.

"You don't have to tell me that," Anthony grumbled. He was achingly aware of how utterly unworthy he was of her kindness and grace. "But tell me, who does? You've found some fatal flaw in every man she's dated since she started dating at all. And we won't even talk about the ones you talked her out of dating in the first place. Is anyone worthy of loving her, or even trying to? Because you sure as hell don't want her."

"Maybe I do. Pen is supposed to be with me. We're good together." Anthony looked at his little brother and saw the petulant little boy he'd raised after their dad died. This was no man looking at him.

Anthony sighed and shook his head. "You asshole. We both know you don't mean that. You don't want her; but you don't want her loved and happy either. You want her single and desperate forever so she'll always be there to buck you up." He raked his hand through his hair. "How did I never notice until right now what a selfish bastard you are?"

Colin at least had the good sense to look sheepish. "I never meant for her to be alone forever. I just never thought those guys were right for her"

"That's not how it looks to me. You knew she had a thing for you. For years you've known. But you've thwarted every chance she had to move on and be with someone else. Meanwhile how many gorgeous women have you shoved in her face as your latest flavor of the month? How many relationships have you gotten over by crashing on her couch while she patted your hand and told you how great you were?" Anthony sneered in disgust and stalked away from his younger brother.

"That's not fair!" Colin shouted as his older brother walked away.

Anthony whirled on him, more angry with Colin than he could ever remember being. "You're damn right it's not fair. It's not fair to her. If you didn't want her, the honorable thing to do would have been to be straight-forward with her, tell her it wasn't going to happen, and let the poor kid move on. But you liked having your own personal fan-club too much to ever set her free, right?"

Colin's face contorted in rage as he took a swing at Anthony, connecting with his eye and knocking him to the ground. "Shut up! That's not true! I never asked her to be hung up on me. It's not my fault she had some stupid crush."

"Stupid crush?" Penelope asked from the garage door opening.

Both men looked at her, surprised by her appearance. Between all the shouting at each other, they hadn't heard her approach.

"Pen," Anthony started as he climbed to his feet. Pen held up her hand to hold him off. It was beyond time to say her piece.

"Is that what you think it was for me? A stupid crush?" Her tone was alarmingly calm but Anthony could see the tempest in her blue eyes. She was in agony.

"No," Colin insisted, moving toward her. Pen stepped back and held him back with the same hand she'd held his brother back. "I didn't mean it, Pen. I swear—"

"Don't swear anything to me," she warned him. "I wouldn't believe you anyway."

Colin cast a disgusted glance at his brother, then looked back to her with desperation in his eyes. "He got me all worked up, I didn't mean it that way. You mean so much to me, I never meant to—"

"You never mean to," she interrupted again. "That's the problem. That's how I keep making excuses for you to myself. 'Colin didn't mean it that way'. 'Colin wasn't thinking'. 'Colin secretly loves you, he's just too afraid to lose you to say anything'." Her lip curled in disgust at herself.

He nodded as if she'd guessed right. "Yeah, that's it. I never wanted to hurt our friendship by trying to pursue anything more. You have to know how much you mean to me." He ignored her sign to stop and strode up to her, taking her hand in both of his. "What can I do to show you I care?" She could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to find a way to keep her on his hook again. "This whole thing just caught me off-guard. If we could just go somewhere and talk, maybe we could figure out a way to…to be together."

Pen looked at Anthony, praying he would understand what she was about to do.

"Would you go with me? Right now, this minute, would you break up with Marina and take me away from here? Start over somewhere neither of us has been before? Do you care about me enough to do that?" She actively avoided using the word 'love'.

He sputtered and grasped for words. "I can't. You don't…it's complicated."

She let out a dry, humorless laugh. "No it isn't. If you loved me, if you really wanted me in your life, it's an easy answer."

"You don't understand–"

"I understand plenty. For ten years, I let you string me along, give me just enough attention to keep me around so you could always have a backup plan. I'm a wounded mouse you play with for a while, then stash somewhere until you get bored and bring me out to play with again." She felt sick. Not because she was shocked at how this was turning out, but because she wasn't. It was exactly what she knew would happen.

Pen stalked toward Colin slowly and forced him back. "For ten years, you have been everything to me, and I have been nothing to you." She practically spit out the word 'nothing'. "This fight you're having with your brother isn't because you don't want me with him. You don't want me with anyone. I'm supposed to stay alone forever just in case you need someone to make you feel special." Hot, angry tears streamed down her face. "Fuck that. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved and wanted. So this is it, your last chance. Tell me right now that you love me and you want to run away with me, or we're finished." A long, empty silence spread out between them as he looked at her with a pained expression.

"That's what I thought," she almost whispered. "Go home to your girlfriend."

"You're my home," he said quietly, almost to himself, but she cut him off with a look.

"Not anymore."

Pen walked out of the garage without looking at either of the brothers.

As she approached her car, she heard footsteps jogging down the gravel walkway behind her.

"Pen." It was Anthony, as she'd hoped. At that moment, her self-restrained finally crumbled away. She reached for the door of her jeep, but instead leaned her arm on the window, and let out a strangled sob. Tears that she'd held back for too long now flowed freely. Tears for the teenage girl whose dream would never come true. Tears for the adult Penelope who wasted so much of her time on someone who had never given her a second thought. Tears for the gaping hole now left in her life, because even as her love had been unrequited, Colin was still one of her best friends and now he was gone from her life.

She expected Anthony to storm away, misunderstanding her tears as heartbreak over Colin instead of for herself. But he stood beside her, gently rubbing her back and murmuring words of assurance. She didn't know how long they stood there, but after a decade's worth of tears, Pen finally calmed down and looked up at the only man who'd ever really cared about her wellbeing. "It's not about him."

Anthony nodded. "I know."

"I knew he would back down if I pushed. I wouldn't have gone with him anyway." It was important to her that he understood. He was not her second choice or her backup plan. But a part of her had needed to hear Colin turn her down flat-out.

"I know."

Chapter 2: Melt

Summary:

Four months before the big fight, Pen hits the bar lone after Eloise bails, and Anthony gets stood up by his brother Benedict. Mild flirtation ensues.

This is part of a Penthony romance plot. If that offends you, feel free to move along. For the record, I'm team Polin for life, but Penthony deserves some love too.

Chapter Text

Four Months Earlier

Penelope sat at the bar, nursed her third beer, and tried not to melt. The late-July air was thick and heavy, even inside, and the three overhead fans spinning at low speed did nothing to relieve the oppressive humidity. Even in a rose-colored tank top and short denim shorts, Penelope felt like she needed to shed layers--hell, she'd take off her own skin if it would make her feel cooler.

As miserable as it was here at Mondrich's Bar and Grill, it was still miles above her second option for the night: going home. This was her first chance all week to get away from the constant demands of her family. The unending, thinly veiled references to her less-than-ideal body, her singlehood, and impending 'old maid' status were getting old in a hurry. She had to get out before she lost her mind. So here she sat, drinking cold beer in a sweltering bar.

She turned to look when the front door opened, and her night got a little bit better. Not a lot, but a little.

Some poor yuppie in a dark suit came in. She couldn't see his face through the group of frat boys playing darts by the front door, but she could see him looking for someone. He turned his back to her to check the far end of the poorly lit room, allowing her to get a slightly better view. His light brown hair was carefully cut and styled, not a hair out of place, and there wasn't a hint of perspiration to be found. Sometimes life just wasn't fair. Here she was, puddling on a sticky bar stool, and this clown has the nerve to look fresh as a daisy with twice as many layers on.

The Suit's head swiveled as he swept the room again. Apparently the person he was expecting hadn't yet arrived--and this didn't look like a guy who was very tolerant of people being late. Too bad Pen was late for everything, always. Usually it was the fault of her mother or best friend, but it was a fact nonetheless.

She returned her attention to her drink and finished it off, starting to get a nice buzz going. Since Eloise had stood her up at the last second, the least she could get out of this little outing was to get drunk. Will, the owner, would let her stay upstairs if she needed to.

While she'd been staring down into her empty bottle, The Suit came up next to her, back in her direction, and flagged down the bartender.

"IPA," he said, and Pen rolled her eyes. Of course he would order the most pretentious beer known to man.

Pen watched him out of the corner of her eye as she sipped her good old-fashioned Bud Lite. She could still only see him in partial profile, but there was something familiar about him. His strong, square jaw clenched when he checked his no-doubt expensive watch. Geez, he may as well have had a sign on his head saying "I am a huge tool."

The Tool/Suit took his cell phone out of his pocket and punched a number, then waitied.

"Ben, it's Anthony. I'm at that bar we agreed on. Where the hell are you?" After those few terse words, he hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. Pen was confused for a second. Why would he hang up right after asking a question? Then it clicked. It was a voicemail.

"Get stood up?" she finally asked, made bold by the alcohol in her system.

He jumped as if he didn't know anyone else was there. "Yeah, one of my brothers was supposed to meet me here. Guess he forgot." As soon as he turned to give her his full attention, she realized where she knew him from. It was Anthony Bridgerton, Eloise's sister. She saw not a single spark of recognition on his face when he looked at her, though. To him, she was just some sweaty, chubby chick in a dingy bar.

"A lot of that going around tonight," she muttered, deciding to play along and pretend they were strangers. "My friend was supposed to meet me here, too. She got sidetracked by her boyfriend."

Anthony raised his beer bottle. "To family."

Pen smirked and raised hers as well. "To friends."

They each took a sip, then he set his bottle down and held out his hand.

"I'm Anthony," he said. Briefly she debated giving him a false name, but figured she'd just look stupid if he eventually put the pieces together.

"Penelope," she replied, placing her hand in his.

She saw some spark of recognition at her name–after all, how many Penelopes did one see in the world these days? But the spark never quite lit. Anthonyl let go of her hand and shrugged off his suit jacket. "Man, it's hot tonight."

So he's human after all, she thought. Under the jacket he wore a white button-down and a slate-gray tie. He hung the jacket on the back of his chair, then loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves to reveal strong, muscular forearms, and Pen felt her pulse kick up a bit. For some reason, forearms had always been her weakness.

She went to take another sip, only to discover that her beer was empty. How had she managed to drink it that quickly? With a sigh, she set the bottle down.

"Can I buy you a refill?" Anthony asked when he saw her expression.

No one had ever offered to buy her a drink before. "Uh, sure."

Anthony gestured to the bartender for a refill for each of them as he eased onto the bar stool next to her. "Isn't it supposed to cool off when the sun goes down?"

"It did," she pointed out. "Earlier, it was hotter than hell. Now, it's just as hot as hell."

He chuckled a little and raised his beer to his lips. "That's a fair point."

After a few seconds, he set his bottle down and gave her a long, studying gaze.

"You look familiar somehow…have we met?"

Again she considered playing dumb and decided against it. "Picture me in braided pigtails and an oversized sweatshirt." That had been her 'look' through high school and most of college, and how he would have seen her most often.

He smacked his hand on the bar and barked out a laugh. "Of course! El's friend. I'm sorry I didn't place you earlier. You look…" his eyes scanned her head to toe, with an extra second on her breasts that didn't escape her notice. "Different."

"I get that a lot," she drawled, feeling the beer go to her head a little bit more, pushing her over the line from buzzed to possibly drunk. It was a new feeling. Usually she was the designated driver, or just had to stay sober enough to keep track of her friends. Tonight, though, she was giving herself permission to be sloppy. El stood her up, Colin was God-knows-where fucking God-knows-who, and she was, as usual, alone.

"I guess so," he agreed, his eyes still taking her in. He finished his beer and signaled for another. "How long has it been?"

"You helped us move into our apartment sophomore year of college, so…five years?"

"I can see the time has been good to you."

Pen's jaw dropped. Was he flirting with her? Anthony Bridgerton, the most serious person she knew, was flirting?

"It's amazing what happens when you just stop caring what other people think of you," she offered.

"It suits you well," he said. "Maybe you can teach me sometime."

"You know me, always happy to help."

An easy silence settled between them as they both nursed their beers.

"So El stood you up?" he asked out of nowhere.

Pen blinked, caught off-guard by his question. "Uh, yeah. Her boyfriend had some work party thing she decided to go to instead."

"Boyfriend?" Anthony asked. "She hasn't mentioned a boyfriend to me."

Closing her eyes, Pen mentally kicked herself. She'd forgotten El was keeping things quiet for now–aka, not telling her family because she was afraid the boisterous Bridgerton brood would scar her quiet, science-minded boyfriend away.

"Oh, you know, it's new. I'm sure it just slipped her mind." Her words sounded hollow even to her own ears.

"Nothing slips El's mind. As Pen opened her mouth to ask him not to say anything, he held up his hand. "Don't worry, I won't let on that I know. I promise to act sufficiently shocked when she tells the family about him. We wouldn't want you getting into trouble." Something about the way he said 'trouble' sent a tingle up her spine.

Once again they fell into an easy quiet as she traced her finger around the mouth of her beer bottle. Even with her eyes set straight ahead, she knew Anthony was still watching her, sizing her up. FInally she turned her head to look him in the eyes.

"Can I help you with something?" she challenged. It was one thing to be ogled by some Gomer she'd never seen before, but by El's oldest brother? She wasn't sure how to feel about it.

He took a long, slow swallow from his drink. "I wish you could, but that would be…unwise."

Something in his tone caught her attention. Pushing off the bar, she swiveled her stool so her body faced his. "Oh?"

He blinked, and it was like a spell had broken. Standing up, he guzzled the last of his beer and set the bottle down, along with a crisp 50 bill, enough to cover his tab and hers. "It was nice to see you again, Pen. I hope we run into each other again sometime."

WIth that, he grabbed his jacket and walked out, leaving her to wonder if the whole thing had been in her head. Was she so lonely she was now resorting to full-on delusions? And if so, why was Anthony the subject instead of the brother she'd been hung up on since she was a teenager?

"Whatever," she mumbled to herself, shaking her head. She finished her drink shortly and ordered an Uber to take her home.

Chapter 3: Pinch Me

Summary:

Pen and Anthony encounter each other again outside the bar and have an unexpected reaction to each other.

Notes:

The romance plot might move a little faster than is realistic, but as my first fic I want to keep things moving. My life gets busy and I want to make sure I have the time to tell a complete story, so some of the finer points of the romance may be truncated a little bit. I hope you still enjoy it! It's been fun to get back to writing again.

Once again, this is a Penthony romance. IF that enrages or offends you, feel free to move along.

Chapter Text

Anthony slid behind the wheel of his Audi and took several deep breaths. What the hell was that?! He was just flirting with his kid sister's friend. But there was nothing 'kid' about Penelope. She was all woman now. He thought of her in that tight-fitting tank and those miniscule shorts…He had to stop and breathe again.

"No," he said to himself, shaking his head. She was off-limits. She was too young, in addition to Eloise's best friend. Not to mention the fact that everyone in their family knew she was hung up on his second oldest brother Colin—everyone except Colin, of course. Anthony had known for a while now that Colin didn't have the sense God gave a goldfish when it came to picking the right romantic partner, but after seeing and chatting with Pen tonight, he had a new understanding of his brother's lack of any kind of clue in that respect. She was quick-witted, and down to earth, and her body…He steered his thoughts away from that subject quickly.

Putting the keys in the ignition, his hand wasn't as steady as he'd have liked. How could a five-minute conversation with a woman he barely knew cause this much of a reaction? Just as he was about to pull away, he saw Pen outside the bar, cell phone in hand. The look on her face told him she didn't have a ride waiting for her. Sighing, he steered his car over to the curb, stopped in front of her, and rolled down the window. "Get in, I'll give you a ride home."

She shook her head. "Oh no, I'm fine, I was just getting a ride-share."

"Cancel it. I'm right here. Let me give you a lift." He was very intentionally ignoring the little voice in the back of his head that was screaming at him that getting in close quarters with her tonight was a very bad idea if he intended not to get involved.

Pen debated for a moment, biting her bottom lip as she thought it over.

"Okay," she finally said, hitting a button on her phone and sticking it back in her pocket. In one motion she opened the door and slid into the passenger seat. Looking around the interior, she fought back a smile.

"What's so funny?" he asked, catching the smirk.

"Oh, nothing." She looked down at her hands folded in her lap.

"Come on, tell me. What's with the smirk?"

"It's just…" she signed and turned her body towards him as he steered his car towards the interstate. "When I saw you come into the bar, I couldn't see your face. I thought you were just some anonymous tool in a nice suit. And this car is exactly what that kind of guy would drive." He must have looked offended because she belatedly added, "No offense."

"No, I'm glad you told me." He straightened up in his seat a little. "I've never heard myself described that way before. A tool in a nice suit."

Pen put her hand on his arm, immediately apologetic.

"Oh no, I didn't mean that's who you are. Of course I didn't still think that after I saw it was you. I just thought it was funny that this is the car that kind of guy would drive. But I'm sure it was just a coincidence." She fell silent and went back to picking at her fingers. "It's a nice car anyway."

Anthony let her sweat it out for a minute, then couldn't hold in his laughter anymore.

"Don't worry about it, Penelope. I'm just giving you shit. I know this is a douchebag car. I borrowed it because I had a business trip a couple states over and this car gets better gas mileage than my truck."

"Your friend let you borrow their car to drive multiple states away?" Pen asked incredulously. "Must be a good friend."

"Actually, it was my brother." He cast a sideways glance at her to gauge her reaction. "It's Colin's car. He bought it for himself after his last travel piece sold."

By some miracle he managed to keep from bursting out laughing at the shocked and slightly horrified expression on her face. Gradually her expression turned pensive as she digested the information.

"So you're telling me Colin is the huge tool in this scenario?" she asked with a glint in her eye.

"Oh I don't know. I haven't compared tool sizes with him in a while."

If Pen had been drinking something at that moment she'd have spit it out all over his dashboard. That was an innuendo if she'd ever heard one. Anthony Bridgerton was capable of sexual innuendos—who knew? This whole conversation was shocking. The fact that it was even taking place seemed crazy.

She and Anthony had spoken more in the last hour than probably in her entire life before this. Everything she knew about him was through El or Colin, or some article in the press. He never shared details about himself with her directly. And why would he? She was his little sister's friend, nothing more.

"I didn't realize Colin had sold another piece," she volunteered when she couldn't handle the silence in the car anymore. Truth be told, she'd barely heard from Colin in a couple months. But that was normal. He came and went on a whim, and usually she didn't know he was back in town for several days.

"It just happened a week or two ago. I'm sure he'll tell you all about it next time you see him." Anthony was trying to soothe her feelings. It was both sweet and kind of patronizing.

"Yeah, probably." She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat, watching the city lights fade in the darkness. Once again a long silence stretched out between them. He seemed to know where to take her without asking, which impressed her until she remembered the whole reason she and Eloise were such good friends is because they grew up on the same street.

While the Bridgertons had moved onto greener pastures, her family hadn't been so lucky. The Featheringtons still inhabited the same McMansion, in a neighborhood that was rapidly falling in reputation. Many of the houses were empty or falling apart because the owners couldn't afford to make the necessary repairs. Her stomach clenched in humiliation that Anthony would see her house, how far her family's fortunes had fallen in the last few years.

Sooner than she expected, they pulled up outside her house.

"This one, right?" Anthony asked.

"Yeah, this is the one. I'm impressed." Pen hadn't been in any great hurry to get home before now, but having Anthony here, actually having a conversation with her, she wished they'd decided to go somewhere else—anywhere.

Just as Pen was about to open the car door and get out, she felt Anthony take her hand that she had resting on the console between them. Looking down, she saw his hand envelop hers as he traced back and forth across her knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm glad we ran into each other tonight," he commented, looking at her face while she looked down at their joined hands. "It's been enlightening."

Pen cleared her throat that had suddenly gone bone dry. "Uh, yeah, me too."

Very slowly, Anthony brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles like some kind of old-world gentleman. Of course the dark heat in his eyes was anything but gentlemanly. For a moment Pen forgot to breathe in her shock. Anthony Bridgerton was holding her hand. Kissing her hand. Sending her lusty looks. What the fuck?

With his free hand he traced from her wrist, down to her elbow, and back again, all the while his eyes laser focused on her expressions. It was a game. A challenge. Would sweet little Pen pull away and run blushing into her mother's house?

No.

With a jerk of her arm, an very surprised Anthony came hurtling across the console in her direction. Pen leaned toward him at the same time and crushed her mouth to his, using her free hand to cup the back of his neck. He made a muffled sound of surprise, but quickly reciprocated.

She thought she'd been kissed before, but this was on another level. Their lips parted and tongues warred hungrily. One of Anthony's hands left her arm and snaked around her back, pulling her towards him before traveling up her side and around to cup her breast. Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt his thumb flick over her nipple, which had already pebbled at his touch.

Suddenly she had to get closer. Without moving her mouth from his, she tried to climb over the console and into his lap. Being a tall man, he kept the seat far enough back that she felt she had a thought. Just as she thought she'd managed it, the car horn went off loudly, the result of her ass resting on the center of the steering while.

The loud honk snapped her instantly out of it—whatever it was. She leaned her hips forward to get off the horn, and so she knelt astride his lap, bent to fit under the roof of the car, her face a breath away from his. From the look on his face, Anthony was as stunned as she was at what had just transpired between them.

"Uh….wow," she managed breathlessly. Gradually she noticed that Anthony still had his hand over her breast. When she looked down at hit, he quickly moved it to her waist.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

An image flashed in her mind of Anthony tearing her tank top open, freeing her breasts, and sucking on them right here in the car, in front of her house. It seemed so real she let out a small, involuntary moan.

"That was, uh, unexpected." Pen climbed off his lap, not at all gracefully, and settled back in the passenger seat. Anthony leaned his head back against his headrest and was breathing deeply, which filled her with an odd sense of pride. She'd gotten him worked up enough that he needed to take cleansing breaths. That was something, right?

"Unexpected, sure, but not unwelcome," Anthony offered with a satisfied smirk, turning his head to look her direction. His gaze burned into her and eliciting a nervous laugh bubbling up in her.

"Yeah, definitely. Anyway, thanks for the ride. I should get to bed. Alone. I mean, I wasn't saying…" she was rambling, too confused and overwhelmed to put together a coherent thought. "Thank you and good night." Before she made anymore of a fool of herself, Pen opened the car door and slammed it behind her as she ran to the house.

Anthony was left much the way he started the journey. Leaning against his steering wheel, taking calming breaths, and trying to get a certain curvy redhead out of his thoughts.

"Fuck."

Chapter 4: Don't Speak

Summary:

Pen tries to put the kiss out of her mind while she reconnects with friends and receives an invitation.

Notes:

Sorry it's been a few days! I was solo parenting this weekend and had no energy left for writing. I'm hoping to go back to daily updates again but no promises.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Penelope met Eloise at a trendy coffee shop downtown, their weekly ritual. Of course, Pen's mind was still reeling from her encounter with Anthony the night before, but she tried her best to push it from her mind. After all, she couldn't exactly dissect it with Eloise, could she?

Lucky for her, El was capable of filling any silence with very little encouragement, so Pen could sit back and listen—or at least pretend to—without fear her best friend would detect anything else was on her mind. So she allowed her thoughts to wander to the night before in Anthony's car. The whole encounter had been surreal.

Never in her life would she have pegged Mondrich's as Anthony's type of place. But then, he told her he'd been supposed to meet Colin, and it was definitely Colin's type of place. When he'd offered her a ride home, everything in her said to tell him no and stick with her ride-share, but then she found herself saying yes and jumping right in. What was with that?

Though they barely knew each other, she and Anthony had very little trouble making conversation. He took her jabs in good humor, seemed to listen when she talked, and overall the interaction was not what she would have expected if someone had asked her to anticipate an evening with the oldest of the Bridgerton Boys.

Her luck with Eloise ran out about twenty minutes in. El must have asked her a question because she suddenly snapped her fingers in front of Pen's face.

"Hello? Earth to Pen. What is up with you today?"

Pen blinked and looked at her friend. "Sorry, what?"

"Where are you today? You've been a mile away all morning, but I thought it was just because you didn't sleep. You also haven't touched your coffee which is very unlike you."

"Oh, sorry. I guess I'm preoccupied with a deadline at work." Which was also true. Pen had been so blown-away by the kiss in the car last night she couldn't focus on the research she needed to get done by the end of the week.

"Well snap out of it. Work will be there when we're done with our coffee." Easy for El to say. She'd never held down a real job. She considered herself an activist but that mostly consisted of reposting social media posts for social justice causes she agreed with.

"Sorry, I'm here now." Pen picked up her coffee—now barely lukewarm—and took a sip while giving El her full attention. For about two minutes. Then El made a face that reminded her of Anthony and she was right back in it again. She'd made out with guys before—not a lot, but some—but never so soon after meeting them and never in a car in front of her mother's house. Okay, she and Anthony didn't technically meet the night before, but they may as well have. He didn't even recognize her until she told him who she was.

It seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them not to mention the kiss to anyone in their joint acquaintance. So, Colin and Eloise. Not that there was any chance she would mention it to either of them anyway, most of all Colin. He always was very protective of her when it came to men, and she couldn't imagine how he would react if the man in question was his own brother.

El paused in conversation and looked at her expectantly. Pen mentally backtracked and caught enough of what they'd been discussing that she could answer the question. After that, she finished her coffee as quickly as possible and bailed on their meetup early, pleading her work deadline as the reason.

"Pen, before you go," El caught her at the door. "Family dinner is tomorrow night, and Mom's been asking about you a lot. Why don't you come with me? You're practically another daughter to her anyway so you're as good as family. Hyacinth and Greg would love to see you too I know."

Her first instinct was to ask if Anthony would be there, but since to her knowledge he hadn't been to a family dinner in almost a year, she figured the odds of it were slim and asking would just seem suspicious.

"If it's okay with your mom, sure."

Eloise smiled brightly. "Great! I'll pick you up at your place at five tomorrow."

The two friends parted ways and Pen returned home to continue the research for work, and to fantasize about a certain stuffy businessman with a very talented mouth…

She got so deep into her fantasizing that the buzz of her phone receiving a text startled her. Picking up her phone, she saw Colin's name appear.

Marina got sent out on a job at the last minute. Wanna hang out? I'll bring pizza.

Pen frowned. Colin had started dating her ex-step-cousin a few weeks before. Marina's dad had been married to her mother's sister for several years, but they divorced when Pen was in high school. She and Marina had never been particularly close, but they occasionally commented on each other's social media accounts or texted about some relative they'd heard news of. When Marina happened to be at a bar Pen and Colin visited a few weeks ago, Pen could sense a spark as soon as she introduced them. But like all of Colin's relationships, she'd expected it to burn brightly but fast. The fact that he was still with her weeks later was…worrying.

She started to type out a refusal, due to the work she really did need to finish, but ended up agreeing to hang out. An hour later, she and Colin were slouched on the sofa, watching some mindless action film and eating Hawaiian pizza. Somehow being with Colin just brought her thoughts back to Anthony again. She tried to picture her like this with him, completely casual and relaxed, no stress, no pressure. Somehow she couldn't quite picture it.

"You good?" Colin asked midway through the movie. "You're quiet tonight."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind. Work stuff." She was careful to add the last part so he wouldn't be inclined to dive into what exactly was on her mind. But diving deep had never really been his thing anyway, so she was probably overthinking this.

"That sucks," he answered simply. As she leaned over to set her beer on the side table, Colin pulled her legs across his lap and started massaging her feet.

"I…what are you doing?" Pen asked a little more sharply than she intended.

"If you're stressed, let me help." He kept his eyes focused on the tv while his hands worked some kind of magic on the bottoms of her feet. It seemed wildly intimate compared to how they usually interacted, but his expression was completely neutral. No secret sexual vibes at all. Typical Colin. Pen leaned back on the pillow behind her and turned her head to watch the movie again. And if a small part of her mentally swapped Colin out for his older brother…that was nobody's business but hers.

Chapter 5: For the Longest Time

Summary:

Penelope comes with Eloise to her family dinner. Everything is going smoothly until the last person she expects walks through the door.

Notes:

I decided to split the dinner up into 2 sections (at least, we'll see where the muse takes me). This is part one. Not much juicy happening in this chapter, but plenty of inner monologue.

Chapter Text

While Pen got ready for Eloise's family dinner, she reminded herself several times that Anthony would most likely not be in attendance if his history was to be believed. And even if he was, she reasoned, she had no reason to get excited. The kiss was a one-time, crazy thing and he was nothing more than her best friend's oldest brother. His complete lack of communication with her in the last two days was evidence enough of his wish to pretend the 'event' never happened.

So what if the coral eyelet lace sundress she'd chosen was nicer than her usual attire? Maybe she wanted to look nice out of respect for Eloise's mom. When you went to your friend's family's house for dinner, you dressed up right?

"You're losing it," she muttered to her reflection as she reached for the glass of Riesling she'd been sipping on for the last half hour as she got ready. She assessed her outfit again, from the front and side view, and decided it was as good as it was going to get.

Just as she was sliding her strappy gold sandals onto her feet, she got a text from Eloise that she was waiting out front. Pen grabbed her purse and hurried down the stairs, trying to get out the door before her mother could stop her and critique her outfit, her make-up, or just her general existence again.

"Penelope?" her mother called from the den. Pen winced. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Just to El's for dinner," Pen called back, still making a beeline for the door.

"Remember, no carbs!" Portia, Pen's mom, expressed her love for her children through constant, unceasing criticism, or at least that's what Pen told herself to keep from committing matricide. She ignored her mother's parting comment as she practically ran out the door and into El's waiting car.

"You look nice," El commented as soon as Pen was settled in the passenger seat. "Got a hot date later?"

Not unless your brother shows up and wants to make out in his car again. "No. I just thought it would be nice to clean up a bit for dinner with your family."

That seemed to satisfy Eloise as she pulled onto the main roads. The two women conversed easily on the twenty-minute drive to the Bridgerton family home. Pen hadn't been there in several months. Last time she'd seen it, the place was still decked out for Christmas. The Bridgerton house was breathtaking during the Christmas season—even more than during the rest of the year. Between the bright Christmas lights and expensive greenery, it looked like something out of a seasonal greeting card.

Being July, the decorations were long since packed up for the year, but the lush gardens and pristine lawn did nothing to detract from its picturesque aspect. The front entry light was on, but the sitting room and library were dark, as they always were this time of day. After about 4pm, the family migrated to the back side of the house, where the kitchen and informal living space was located.

El preceded Pen inside and greeted the housekeeper, Mrs. Manning.

"Good to see you again, Eloise," Mrs. Manning replied warmly. "Your mother's in the kitchen preparing dinner."

Pen followed her back to the kitchen after exchanging a friendly smile with the housekeeper.

"Penelope!" Violet Bridgerton exclaimed as the two walked through the doorway. She was in the middle of cutting out biscuits, coating the stunning marble countertop in dough and flour. "I'd hug you but…" she held up her flour-coated hands.

"Understood," Pen said. "I'll save my hug for later. It smells amazing in here."

"Oh you're too sweet," Violet demurred. "I was going to make a pork loin but then when El told me you were coming, I decided something a little more elevated was in order. I hope you're hungry for Prime Rib."

Pen's stomach nearly growled at the prospect. Prime Rib had always been one of her favorite meals, though she rarely got it at home as it was a) expensive and b) more calorie-dense than her mother would ever allow her to eat. It was a treat she only got when she was here, at the home of her best friend.

"You didn't have to go through all that trouble for me," she insisted to the older woman. "I'm not even really a member of the family."

"Penelope Featherington, don't you ever say that to me again," Violet admonished, her tone uncharacteristically sharp. "You and Eloise are practically sisters, which makes you practically my daughter. I've always thought of you that way and I don't want you to forget it."

"Yes ma'am," Pen said, holding up her hands in surrender. "I didn't mean to offend you. I guess it was my way of saying thank you for going above and beyond."

Immediately Violet smiled warmly and all tension was forgotten. "Come, get some wine to get you started. Benedict and Sophie sent me a case of something from Italy. I don't remember what it's called, but it's on the top shelf of the wine rack in the pantry."

Eloise meandered into the pantry to fetch the wine. Benedict was her second-oldest brother, who was currently on an extended honeymoon with his bride Sophie. They'd been travelling through Europe the last three months, and seemed to have no intention of returning anytime soon. Not that she blamed them. If she could go on a tour of Europe with unlimited funds, it would be a lengthy outing.

The two Bridgertons and Penelope chatted about the meal and the weather for the next few minutes while wine was opened, decanted, and poured.

Just as Pen was taking a sip of the red blend—she couldn't read Italian so had no idea what it was a blend of—a shadow moved down the hallway toward them and Anthony walked in, looking as delicious as she remembered from the bar. She nearly spit her wine back out in her glass but managed to keep it together.

"Anthony!" Violet hurried around the huge kitchen island to hug her oldest child. "I wasn't expecting you tonight."

Anthony smiled and gave her a warm hug. "I thought I'd surprise you. Plus I had to get out of the office. I'm starting to feel like I live there."

The wide, easy smile on his face died when he glanced up and saw Penelope standing at the end of the island. It gave her some level of satisfaction that he seemed as unnerved to see her as she was to see him.

"Penelope," Anthony said, his voice tight. "I didn't realize you'd be joining us tonight."

"I'd have mentioned it to you but you never come to these things so I didn't think it mattered," Eloise cut in, pulling off the impatience and snark only a little sister could properly manage.

"Is it okay that I'm here?" Pen asked, uncertainty creeping back in again.

"Of course it is." Violet put her hand over Pen's on the counter and cast a very meaningful glance at her son. "You're as welcome here as any of my children."

Pen felt a tenderness toward Violet she'd never experienced with her own mother. She'd often wished as a child that Violet was her mother instead of Portia; partially so she and Eloise could truly be sisters, but also because she was desperate for the warmth and love Violet gave out so readily to her children. Pen wanted to bask in that, even for a little while.

"Of course," Anthony confirmed as he poured himself a glass of wine. "I just was…surprised to see you. We haven't seen each other in so long." His eyes conveyed the message clear as day: he didn't want their encounter the other day to come up tonight. Was he ashamed of her or just wanting to keep his very nosey sister and well-meaning but meddling mother out of his personal life?

"Yeah, it's been a while," she agreed, hoping she sounded casual.

After they hadn't seen each other in years, Pen was finding it hard to believe that seeing him twice in the same week was just a coincidence. Granted, one of those meetings was at his family's home, but she understood that he hadn't been to a family dinner in quite some time. What were the odds that the one dinner El invited her to almost at the last minute happened to be the one he finally decided to attend?

The whole thing was very hinky, but she couldn't manage to be perturbed about it.

Chapter 6: Red Red Wine

Summary:

Events continue to unfold at the Bridgerton family dinner, including the appearance of another unexpected guest. Things heat up between Penelope and Anthony in the library.

Chapter Text

Anthony hadn't intended to show up at the weekly Bridgerton family dinner this week. He hadn't been to it in months, always using work as an excuse. It was both true and convenient. Then Eloise had called him earlier that day to talk about getting an apartment with Penelope. EL had been trying to get Pen to move in with her for a year, but Pen couldn't afford half rent anywhere decent in the area and was too proud to live on Eloise's dime—or more specifically, Anthony's.

No one in the family would ever hold it over Pen, of course. They all knew how things were for Pen at home. Her mother was truly a piece of work and Anthony went out of his way to avoid the woman whenever possible. He'd never seen her have a kind word for anyone, least of all her youngest daughter. Pen was shorter and rounder than her mother or sisters, and so she was a frequent target of criticism and derision. He had seen it himself years ago, but Eloise had made enough comments that he knew it was still happening.

Since Eloise mentioned she invited Pen to dinner to hopefully talk her into getting an apartment together, Anthony found himself inclined to attend. He told himself it was only so he could help in the persuasion. He was the head of the family, at least financially speaking, which meant his word carried some weight with his siblings, and he hoped that carried over to Pen.

But as he walked in the kitchen and saw the look of shock on Pen's face, he was doubly happy he'd decided to come. He thought he'd done an admirable job of looking shocked to see her to eliminate any fears that she would think he was following her.

After he poured himself a glass of wine, he listened to his family chat and catch up, enjoying the banter and gentle ribbing they all exchanged with each other. Gradually he moved so he was standing next to Pen, but not so close that anyone would notice anything amiss. He detected a change in her breath, signaling she was aware of his closeness. After a few minutes, he decided to press his luck and moved in next to her. The two of them were at one end of the massive island, with his siblings and mother on the farther end. Eloise was the closest to them but was turned toward her siblings, telling them a story about the latest Women's Rights rally she'd attended earlier that week. Blocked from view by the counter, Anthony reached over and fiddled with the hem of Pen's sundress. When his knuckle grazed her leg, she gasped but turned it into a cough.

"Don't mind me," she managed as the rest of the family turned to look at her. "I'm just over here choking on my own spit."

El just rolled her eyes and dove back into her story. Pen cast Anthony a warning glance and he could barely suppress his grin. She was affected by him. Good to know.

He gradually moved his hand up from the hem of her dress, up her hip, to rest on the curve of her lower back. Her dress had a cutout that exposed most of her back and he could feel her warm, soft skin. Very gently he started to rub her back with his thumb, all the while casually sipping on his wine with his other hand.

"Watch those hands," she whispered to him behind her glass as she went for another sip of wine.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied, trying to look innocent. When she set her glass down, he took it and walked away to fill it again for her. As he was handing her glass back to her, the front door opened and shut and a familiar set of footsteps headed in the direction of the kitchen.

Fucking Colin.

Sure enough, Colin breezed through the doorway a few seconds later, looking as if he didn't have a care in the world. Next to him, he felt Penelope tense up.

"Colin!" Eloise and her two younger siblings, Hyacinth and Gregory, swarmed Colin to welcome him, the younger two asking to hear about his latest travels.

"Let the poor boy in the door," Violet admonished after a minute of chaos. It was only then that Colin noticed Pen.

"Pen! What are you doing at family dinner?" Colin blurted out. Anthony didn't miss her flinch at Colin driving home that she wasn't actually a Bridgerton.

"I invited her," El answered for her. "And as far as I'm concerned she has as much of a right to be here as anyone else in this room." As if to reinforce her point, El hurried to Pen's side and linked arms with her.

Anthony swelled with pride at the way his sister jumped to the defense against her friend. Even so, he practically watched Pen shrink before him.

"That's absolutely right," Violet agreed, sending her middle son a warning glance. "We're delighted to have her. And now you and Anthony have graced us with your presence as well. I can't remember the last time I had more than half my children under the same roof, aside from Christmas of course." Despite her initial stern countenance, Violet went to Colin to give him a welcoming hug.

"Sorry I didn't call ahead," Colin said, completely ignoring the response to his reaction at seeing Penelope.

"Nonsense, I'm always happy to have my boys home." Anthony saw the love in her eyes as she looked between her grown sons. His major motivation in life was to prove himself worthy of the love and trust she had given him so readily his entire life.

Their reunion was briefly interrupted by the oven timer going off.

"Okay, all of you out," Violet said, waving them in the direction of the dining room. "Sit, have something to drink, talk amongst yourselves. I'm just putting the finishing touches on dinner and it'll be out soon."

The rest of the family started to file out as directed. Pen stopped and turned to Violet.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked. "I'm not much of a cook but I'm good at following directions."

Violet smiled and put her hand on Pen's cheek. "Aren't you so sweet for asking? I just have a few finishing touches to take care of, but thank you for the offer. Go, sit, enjoy your evening."

Pen offered a half-smile and nodded while she moved to the dining room. Anthony drifted out after her. Once again Hy and Greg were peppering Colin with question, and he was happy to answer them, basking in the attention as usual. Anthony loved all his siblings, but the way Colin just sat back and let the rest of the world cater to him was infuriating. Their father would've knocked sense into him years ago.

Even with his brother's general obliviousness, Anthony felt the need to defend him. He moved around the room to where Pen stood next to the antique buffet.

"He didn't mean it the way it came out," he said quietly. No need to specify who or what he was talking about.

"I know," she answered in a small, uncertain voice. Her eyes were directed down into her wine glass.

"You are a part of this family," he insisted again. "But I'm really glad you're not actually related to me. Otherwise what we did the other night would be really messed up." He said the last half so quietly only she would be able to hear him, and he was rewarded with a blush starting at her chest and creeping up into her cheeks.

"Thank goodness for that," she said with a barely-suppressed grin.

"Pen!" Colin called from across the room. Her smile immediately broadened as he moved over to her. "I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean you're not supposed to be here. I just wasn't expecting to see you. Why didn't you tell me last night you were coming?"

Last night? A hot bolt of jealousy coursed through Anothony, even though he knew he had no right. Had Pen and Colin developed a relationship and he didn't know?

"It didn't come up," she answered. "Plus I thought you were meeting with your publisher in New York today."

"I was. There are these neat things called airplanes that let you cross large distances in a short amount of time…" Colin's sarcasm earned a playful punch and a stuck-out tongue from Pen. Anthony just felt irritated. The company plan was not supposed to be for commuting. It was for long trips or last-minute business meetings.

"Did you take the company plane?" Anthony asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Yeah. I let Kate know yesterday." Kate, Anthony's assistant, was very fond of Colin and let him get away with too much. Anothony suspected she and Colin had sex at some point, but it wasn't is place to ask.

"Kate neglected to inform me." He was going to have to have a word with his assistant in the morning.

"Sorry, boss," Colin grumbled. "I figured since the family money bought the jet, the family would be allowed to use it."

"We'll discuss it later." Anthony was tired of trying to keep his brother in check. The man was nearing 30 and still lived like a frat boy.

Colin just rolled his eyes and returned his attention to Pen. "How'd that movie end? I fell asleep halfway through."

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "When you fell asleep on the couch, I went to bed." She looked up at Anthony pointedly. As if she wanted him to know that Colin slept on the couch. Interesting.

"Huh, we'll have to finish it another time." Colin downed the rest of his drink and went to the bar to pour another.

Before Anthony and Colin could pick at each other any more, the kitchen door swung open and Violet appeared, followed by the housekeeper, carrying in their dinner. Prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes, fresh green beans, au jus, and Violet's signature horseradish cream. All family squabbles were immediately forgotten as they were presented with this feast.

For the next several minutes, conversation paused while they all enjoyed the incredible meal.

Towards the end of the meal, Hyacinth—always of an inquisitive nature—broke the cease-fire.

"Pen, why don't we see you anymore? Do you have a secret boyfriend or something?"

Pen choked on the wine she'd just taken a sip of. "I'm sorry?" she said between choking fits. El handed her a glass of water. Finally she recovered and was very intentionally not looking at Anthony. "No I don't have a secret boyfriend, I've just been busy with work."

"You see, Hy," Eloise cut in condescendingly, "Grown-ups have these things called jobs that take a lot of time and energy…"

"As if you'd know," Colin cut in. "Last I checked, Rally Attendee was not a viable career path."

El shot him a look that could cut through steel. "I'm in law school, asshole. I want to be a community activist. The rallies are just on-the-job training. Which you would know if you were ever here."

"Children," Violet admonished. Even though most of the people at the table were grown adults, they would always be her children.

Eloise immediately stopped talking and took a sip of her water. Pen patted her back and murmured something in her ear, which made El smile. Anthony wanted to know what she said, but it wasn't for his ears.

"Why don't we all head into the den?" Violet suggested. "It's so much more comfortable to sit and talk in there than around a dining room table."

History taught the Bridgerton siblings that a question such as this was not actually a question. It was a directive. Everyone got up from the table and headed for the den without objection while Mrs. Manning came in behind them to start the cleanup process. Pen offered to help but was quickly waved off, so she followed the rest of the family.

By unspoken agreement, all the squabbles from earlier in the evening were set aside once they got to the den. Hyacinth and Gregory filled Colin in on everything that had happened to them since he left on his last trip two months prior, while Eloise and Violet discussed El's school and which causes to throw the Bridgerton name and money behind. Gradually the two conversations intertwined. Anthony just sat back and observed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pen sneak out in the direction of the library. Once he was sure no one would notice his absence, he followed after her. He wanted to make sure she was okay, both from their encounter the other day and from Colin's comments before dinner.

As he expected, he found Pen curled up in one of the oversized armchairs, reading from a Jane Austen anthology. He remembered Austen being a favorite of hers growing up. Some things never changed. The lamp on the end table next to her chair was the only light on in the room, casting a warm glow around her.

"Did the ending change since you last read it?" he asked, leaning against the door frame. Pen looked up and blushed as she shut the book.

"No. I mean, I wasn't really reading. I was just browsing through it." She started to get up but he waved her off.

"Never a dull moment at family dinner, am I right?" he asked, taking a seat in the chair across from her.

"You've got that right," she agreed, looking both exasperated and amused by the fact.

"Are you doing alright?" He leaned his elbows on his knees and folded his hands in front of him.

"I'm good," she said with a shrug. Anthony wasn't convinced.

"Honestly, Pen." He put a hand on her knee. "Are you okay? You haven't been the same since Colin made the crack about you being here."

Pen looked at his hand but didn't move it or move herself away. "I told you, I know he didn't mean what he said. Colin has a tendency to speak first and think later—or sometimes never. I try not to take it personally."

Somehow he didn't quite believe her but he admired her defense of her friend.

"Maybe he didn't mean what he said, but I did. Pen, you are absolutely a part of this family. El thinks of you as a sister. I don't know what she'd be doing right now without your presence in her life. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask any one of us. We all care about you."

Pen just nodded, still watching his hand on her knee. His thumb had started tracing circles on her skin.

"Truth be told, the reason I came tonight is to help Eloise convince you to let her pay for you guys to get an apartment together." When she opened her mouth to object, he held up a hand to stop her. "I know you don't want charity, and that's not what this is. Everyone needs a helping hand sometimes, especially when you're just getting your footing in the world. You've been there for EL through so much, not the least of which is our dad's passing. Let her do this for you. Let someone look after you for once."

Their eyes finally locked. In the low light he couldn't quite read her expression but he felt her put her hand over his that still rested on her knee. For a second, he thought she was going to push him away, but instead she pulled it—and him—towards her. He landed on his knees in front of her chair as she leaned forward and kissed him. He responded instantly, wrapping his arms around her waist and deepening the kiss. Her lips parted granting his tongue entrance and he couldn't want to taste her.

He moved his lips down her jaw and neck to nip at the curve of her shoulder, while his hands traveled down her back to cup her ass. It was as lush as he'd imagined since the kiss in his car. Pulling her hips forward, she felt her tighten her legs on either side of him, holding him close as she tilted her head to the side to grant him more access. He hummed in appreciation while he worked his way up to nip at her earlobe.

"You smell so good," he murmured against her neck. She smelled like vanilla and spice with something floral. He combed his fingers into her wild red curls and pulled her head back so he could work his way around to the other side of her neck. As crazy as it seemed, he couldn't get enough of her. He wanted to stay in this room with her forever. It didn't matter that his family was only a few yards away, he wanted to lay her down on the rug and take her, make her his.

He let go of her hair with one hand and brought it around to cup her breast, reveling in the weight and size of it. Every part of her body was the perfect combination of softness and strength. Even through her dress and bra, he could feel her nipple harden under his thumb. As he moved back and forth across the stiff peak, he heard Pen moan softly.

A dish clattered loudly across the hall, snapping both of them out of the moment in an instant. Anthony's eyes shot to the doorway, worried they'd been caught, but no one was there. The clatter was from Mrs. Manning washing dishes in the kitchen. Once he was assured they hadn't been spotted, he turned his attention back to Pen. She was breathing heavily, one hand over her chest.

"Holy fuck," she breathed. He chuckled softly at her plain-spoken assessment.

"Pretty much," he agreed.

"What was that?" She looked to him for an answer. Good, she was as shaken by this whole thing as he was. At least he wasn't alone.

"Hell if I know. Anyway, you started it." He winked at her as he straightened his shirt.

"I did, didn't I?" She sounded…impressed with herself. "That's never happened before."

"There's a first time for everything. Mind you, I'm not complaining. That was…incredible." He wasn't going to act like he was indifferent to what had just happened. "I thought our last kiss was pretty incredible too, but I wasn't sure if that was just the alcohol talking. I'm glad to know it's not. It's all you."

Again he saw her blush at his attention. Was she embarrassed? Was positive feedback so foreign to her? He made a vow to himself to make sure that he told her how amazing she was as often as possible.

"One does not have an amazing kiss alone," she replied, not quite able to meet his eyes.

"Are you paying me a compliment?" he teased.

"Don't let it go to your head." Pen looked down at her dress to make sure she was all put together. "I better get back. Wait a few minutes before you follow."

Before she walked out, he took her hand. "I want to see you again. Really spend some time together. Can I call you?"

Pen paused briefly, considering his request, then nodded.

Anthony felt like that nod was a major victory. He had fully expected her to say no, and he would have honored that as much as it would have hurt.

When he returned to the den, Pen was perched on the arm of the sofa next to Colin, who had his head resting on her thigh as Hyacinth performed a song she recently learned on the guitar. Colin looked up at Pen and said something that made her laugh softly.

Was Anthony fighting a losing battle? Was there any point in trying to win Pen's favor when her heart seemed to be taken already? Anthony had never had to fight for a woman in his life, in fact he usually had to fight them off as they threw themselves in his path. But for her, he was willing to throw his hat in the ring. Colin had never appreciated her or treated her as she deserved. He was determined not to take her for granted. He was going to show her what it felt like to be cherished. If Colin got hurt in the process, it was his own fault for not appreciating Pen when he had the chance.

Pen's eyes met his across the room and she gave him a small, nervous smile.

He was in danger of falling very hard for the woman who had already fallen very hard for his little brother.

Chapter 7: I Will Survive

Summary:

This is a long one, guys. Sorry. I just couldn't find a good place to stop so I kept going.

Pen and El decide to get their own place. They're barely moved in when Colin shows up and Pen has a revelation.

Notes:

Lots of people have been asking to have Pen set some boundaries for Colin--so here you go!

I'm going to reiterate that this is a Penthony story and if that upsets you YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT.

Chapter Text

Less than an hour later, Eloise and Penelope were in El's car and on the way to Pen's house.

"That was…fun, I guess?" El said after they'd both been silent for several minutes.

"It was nice to see everyone," Pen replied diplomatically. "Hy and Greg are getting so grown up! I couldn't believe it when I saw them. I feel like just yesterday they were wrapped around Colin's legs and making him walk around the living room."

"Speaking of Colin…" El hedged.

Pen just shook her head. "I'm fine, I know he didn't mean it, I'm not upset."

"Good to know. I was just going to say Colin behaved like a jerk, even if you think he didn't mean it. I wish more people would call him out on his shit. That includes you." El cast her friend a sideways glance while keeping herself focused on the road.

"I promise if he says something that genuinely upsets me, I will let him know."

"And then you will let me know so I can kick him in the balls," El insisted. "You get enough bullshit from your family, you don't need it from your friends too."

Pen made a vague sound of agreement and turned to look out the window. She'd had enough pep talks for one night.

Finally, after another long silence, El spoke again.

"Did you and my brother get into it in the library?"

Pen's heart stuttered in her chest. Had they been caught already. "I'm sorry?" she managed to choke out as she turned her body towards El.

"I asked him to talk to you about the apartment thing. I saw him head off to find you, and you guys both looked flustered when you came back. Did he yell at you?"

It took everything she had in her for Pen not to sigh in relief. They hadn't been found out, El had just misinterpreted things.

"Oh, no. He did talk to me, and he brought up some good points." She looked down and picked at her fingernails.

"And?" The tension was palpable as Eloise awaited her answer.

"He convinced me. When do you want to start looking for places?"

Eloise let out a hoot of excitement. "Yes! I knew he could do it. I already have the perfect place picked out. It's downtown, on one of the upper floors, it's got tons of light. You'll love it."

"El, I want it to be somewhere I might be able to actually pay my fair share of at some point. Not some dreamy penthouse only the wealthy can afford."

"Fine," her friend said with a sigh. "I have another place in mind too. It's not as bright but it's got lots of character. We can go look at it tomorrow if you're free."

"Yeah, I just have to get some work done, but that won't take too long. Maybe we could go look at it and then have lunch?"

"You got it. I'll pick you up at eleven. What are you going to tell your mom?"

"As little as possible," Pen groaned. "It's funny, she seems to hate the sight of me most of the time, but every time I talk about looking for a place she loses her shit. Which way is it, mom? Do you want me around or not?"

"Fuck that bitch," El instantly responded. Then she must have realized she was talking about her best friend's mom, because she cast Pen a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."

"It's fine," Pen chuckled. "I sometimes think it to myself."

Soon Pen had been dropped off and El headed for her current studio apartment. Pen didn't question the logic of giving up a perfectly fine apartment all to herself to move in with a friend, because she knew in the land of Eloise, it made perfect sense. Bridgertons didn't have to worry about things like breaking leases and getting security deposits back. Their wealth was the least interesting thing about them in Penelope's opinion, but she couldn't deny that having wealthy friends had its benefits from time to time.

The next day, El picked Pen up at eleven o'clock as promised and they headed to the Old Town district. It was less congested than the city proper, and a lot of the homes were in the process of being revitalized. Realtors would call it an up-and-coming community. The building El took her to was three stories tall, solid red brick, with black trim and fixtures. Pen loved it immediately. The first floor was a second-hand shop that Pen was anxious to check out in more detail. They walked up to the third floor where the Bridgerton family's realtor was waiting for them. As they walked inside, Pen was instantly in love.

The apartment took up the entire third floor, save the alcove for the stairs. The outward-facing walls were all brick, with white walls dividing the rest of the rooms. Refurbished wood floors that she would bet were original ran the length of the apartment. Straight ahead was a small sitting area, which backed up to a galley-style kitchen. Down a small hallway was the bathroom to the left behind the kitchen, followed by one of the bedrooms. The other, larger bedroom was on the other side of the hall.

"Dibs on the big room!" El said as soon as she discovered it. Pen made no objection. After all, El was paying the rent, she could have any room she wanted.

After they looked around the whole area, they ended back at the front door.

"So do you love it?" El asked, practically bouncing with excitement.

Pen left her hanging in suspense for a few seconds before bursting out in a wide smile. "I do. It's perfect! This is exactly the kind of place I've been picturing in my head when I think of my first apartment. When can we move in?"

"This weekend!" El squealed. "I already signed the paperwork so it's ours! The movers will be here tomorrow with the furniture. Do you need help packing your stuff?"

Her 'stuff' would barely fill more than a few boxes. At least the stuff she really wanted to have with her.

"No, I got it under control. I do need a truck or something to haul my stuff in, though."

"I'll handle it. In a few days we're going to be roomies!" El threw her arms around Pen and hugged her. For once, Pen allowed herself to experience the same pure joy. She was going to be out of her mother's house, at last, and have a space all to herself.

"I'll finally have a place to entertain all those gentleman callers," Pen said, fanning herself and putting on a fake Southern Belle accent.

"Haven't you seen Field of Dreams? IF you build it, they will come. I bet now that you're an independent woman out from your mother's thumb, the men will be falling at your feet."

Pen's cheeks flushed as she thought back to the night before, when Anthony had literally fallen at her feet—even if she'd pulled him down. Her first thought was that maybe with an apartment, they could repeat the experience. But not with Eloise living in the same space. So much for their secret rendezvous.

"Let's just get moved in first, then I'll worry about how to handle all the men heading my way." The rest of the day passed by almost in a dream. For the first time, Pen was allowing someone to do for her, and it felt weird. The whole week had been bizarre if she was honest with herself. Meeting Anthony in a bar after years of not seeing each other, making out in his car…making out in his library…Was this all one big, elaborate dream? Was she being cosmically pranked? The whole thing made no sense.

Two days later, after a whirlwind move and several dodged phone calls from her mother, Pen was settled in the apartment she and Eloise now shared. It felt…quiet. El was hardly a restful person, but she also knew when to keep to herself. Pen's mother did not have that talent. When Portia Featherington was upset, everyone needed to know about it frequently and at great volume.

It was six o'clock in the evening and Pen was sitting on the surprisingly comfortable black futon in their living room, attempting to read a book.

El, who had been organizing her room for most of the afternoon, finally came out with her phone clutched in one hand. "You're gonna hate me."

"That's not a great way to lead off," Pen pointed out as she shifted to give Eloise her attention. "What's up?"

"Phil finished up with his on-site research sooner than he expected, and he really wanted to see me tonight since we haven't seen each other in two months…."

"Go," Pen said without hesitation.

"Are you sure? I can tell him not tonight. I feel awful. I begged and begged you to move in with me and now I'm abandoning you on our first night." Even as she berated herself, El was heading for the door.

"Just because we're roommates doesn't mean you owe me your time. You live your life, I'll live mine, and hopefully we can fit a movie night in there every so often. I am not so lonely and pathetic that you need to pass up a night with your boyfriend to hang out with me. Go."

Eloise pressed her hands together in front of her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're an angel. I don't deserve you," she continued groveling as she grabbed her purse and keys.

"Go!" Pen yelled in a fit of laughter. El grinned and waltzed out the door.

If Pen thought the place was quiet before, now it was nearly silent. When was the last time she'd been in a silent house? Her first impulse was to turn on the tv, fill the silence, but she forced herself to sit in it. Maybe without any distractions she could finally sort out what was going on with her and Anthony. Was there even anything to figure out? Clearly they had chemistry but was he thinking of her in any real way? Or was it just a right-place right-time thing? She wondered if he had thought of their kiss in the library as many times as she had the last few days.

A short knock on the apartment door startled Pen out of her ruminations. For a second she thought maybe it was Anthony, come to continue what they started at dinner. But that was silly.

When she looked through the peep hole, she saw the other Bridgerton standing in the hallway.

"Colin!" Pen exclaimed as she opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

He brought a bottle of expensive champagne out from behind his back. "I thought we could celebrate your new place."

"How did you know?" She hadn't had time to mention it to him.

"El told Hyacinth, who told me. She wanted me to bring her over to visit you as soon as possible."

Pen smiled. "That's really sweet. She's always welcome."

Colin stepped forward and Pen automatically backed up to let him in.

"Why is she sweet when I'm the one who brought the booze?" he joked.

"You've never been sweet, Colin. That's too mild a word." Penelope went into the kitchen to try to scrounge up some wine glasses—she was absolutely certain they had no champagne flutes.

"What's the right word then?" Colin asked, suddenly right behind her. Pen gasped and backed up, trapped between him and the counter.

"I'm, uh, not sure," she stammered. "I'll have to think on it." She gently nudged him back with a hand on his chest. "Anyway, I can't find the wine glasses."

Colin picked up one of the plastic cups on the counter next to her. "We can use these. I won't tell the etiquette police if you won't." He winked at her and backed up, seeming to sense her unease. He turned toward the sink to open the bottle, giving Pen a moment to collect herself.

"Your secret is safe with me," she responded. She moved out of the cramped kitchen to sit on the futon while he finished opening the bottle and poured two cups. Carrying both cups in one hand and the remainder of the bottle of champagne in the other, Colin joined her on the sofa.

"This place is perfect for you," he commented as he handed her a cup. "It's exactly the kind of apartment I would picture you in."

"I felt the same way," Pen said, touched that he understood her so well.

For a minute or two they each relaxed back into their seats, enjoying their drinks. Colin had one arm draped over the back of the futon.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you how great you looked at dinner the other night." Colin was looking directly at her, studying her. Pen flushed under his scrutiny.

"Thank you." IT was all she could think to say. Colin's hand drifted off the back of the sofa to settle on her shoulder.

"I forget how well you fit in with the family sometimes. I get so used to you being separate from my family life, I don't remember that you used to be practically one of us."

Suddenly Colin seemed very close to her. When had he moved closer? He had an edge to him she couldn't quite place. Colin's eyes focused on her shoulder while he traced patterns on it with his finger.

"You've always been a perfect fit," he declared softly, almost to himself.

Then she got it. The reason he was here.

"Col, how are things with Marina?" she tried to keep her tone calm and neutral. His response was a shrug.

Finally, as she stared him down, he sighed and gave a real answer.

"We had a fight. She thinks travel writers should only visit tropical resorts, not rural farming villages in remote countries." HE still didn't meet her eyes. Pen could hear blood pumping in her ears as her temper flared.

"That's why you're here. I'm so dumb." She stood up, wanting to be as far away from him as possible.

"I'm here to toast your new place," he insisted. "Just like I said."

"They sell this champagne at the liquor store on the corner. You bought it on the way over." More furious with him than she could ever remember being, she began to pace. "What are we doing, Colin? What is this?" she waved a hand back and forth between the two of them.

"We're friends," he answered.

"Friends. Do you usually flirt with your friends? Do you give foot massages to your basketball buddies? Cuddle with the guys while you play poker?" She felt like a light had finally turned on in her head. "I'm not your friend, I'm your backup plan. You only come over when your plans fall through or you're bored and have nothing else to do. You come over to fill your time and mess with my head."

Walking over to the apartment door, she opened it wide. "I want you to leave."

"What? Pen—"

"Please get out." Angry tears welled in her eyes and she fought hard to keep them at bay. "I feel like an idiot for not seeing who you are sooner. Get out and let me wallow in my humiliation."

Colin stood up, looking shell-shocked. "Where is this coming from?"

"It's coming from years of being your dirty little secret. When it's just the two of us, you're affectionate and have no problem touching me. But as soon as anyone else is with us, you put as much distance between us as possible. Like telling me, in front of your mother and siblings, that I didn't belong at family dinner." To her horror, two tears broke free and trailed down her cheeks.

"That's not true!" Colin insisted, reaching for her. Pen smacked his hands away.

"Get out!" she screamed.

At a loss of what else to do, Colin opened and closed his mouth a few times, seemingly in search of the right thing to say, then walked out.

Pen slammed the door and slid down it as she hugged her arms around herself. Finally she saw what Eloise had always seen. Colin only cared about himself. How had she been so blind for so long? Long-pent-up sobs ripped from her chest as a decade's worth of tears let loose.

Finally, after she'd finally cried herself out, Pen picked herself up off the floor. How long had she sat there crying? It didn't matter. She staggered to the sofa and picked up her phone, calling the only person she wanted to talk to right now.

"Hi, it's me. Can you come over?"

Chapter 8: It's you I Like

Summary:

Pen gains new insight into herself when Anthony comes to comfort her after her fight with Colin. Things take an unexpected turn.

Notes:

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments! It really gives me the motivation to keep working on this story. I can't wait to find out what you think of this chapter! It's the spiciest one yet!

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry to drag you all the way here," Pen said, not for the first time.

After Colin left, the only person Pen could think to call was Anthony. Luckily she'd gotten his number from El during the move, in case she needed any logistics worked out with the movers. She felt like he would understand what she was feeling. Even though they'd only seen each other a few times recently, a connection had started to blossom. At least she hoped so. Otherwise she was just the crazy, needy friend of Anthony's little sister.

"Stop apologizing. I'm glad you felt you could call me." Anthony sat next to her on the floor of her apartment, just inside the door. Right where she'd crumpled after Colin left. Somehow she hadn't been able to move from this spot other than to reach up to open the door for Anthony. He had his arm draped over her shoulders, pulling her into her protectively.

"I could strangle my brother," he said in a low, angry voice. When she'd explained what happened between her and Colin, she almost had to physically restrain him from hunting his younger brother down and beating him to a pulp.

"He didn't do anything tonight he hasn't done a thousand times. I just stopped letting him get away with it." She felt like she had to defend Colin at least a little bit. Tonight was nothing new, but she had seen his usual conduct through new eyes.

Anthony crooked his finger under her chin and tilted her head up so she was looking him in the eye. "Don't minimize it. He took advantage of your time and affection. He deserved everything you said to him and more." He let go of her chin and rubbed her arm. Pen let herself lean her head on his shoulder, drawing safety and strength from him.

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" Pen asked with a sigh.

"Because you're conditioned to put other peoples' needs before your own so standing up for yourself feels against the rules." He said it so matter-of-factly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Pen sat up and looked at him closely. His assessment hurt, but he was absolutely right. "How did you know that?"

"Because I've watched how you interact with the people in your life. You always do what others ask, even if it's inconvenient for you." He looked…sad about it. Disappointed. In her, or in those who asked things of her?

"So I'm a doormat?" The thought was not helping her mood.

"No, you're an amazing woman who cares deeply for the people in her life and wants to make them happy whenever possible." He cupped her cheek with his hand and gave a soft smile. "You're a good person, and some people take advantage of that, but never think that makes you weak. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

She looked in his eyes and felt like, for the first time in her life, someone actually saw her. The whole reason she'd kissed him at that family dinner was because he talked about wanting to take care of her. No one had ever said that before—even her mother. Everything had always been about what Pen could do for other people, no one put much thought about what she needed from them. Until Anthony.

Slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away or stop him, Anthony leaned in and kissed her. Unlike the heated, desperate kisses they'd shared before, this one was gentle, tender. This was about feelings instead of heat-of-the-moment passion. Pen's eyes drifted closed as she leaned into the kiss, turning her body towards him instead of side-by-side. Gradually the intensity grew as they became more eager to explore each other.

Somewhere along the way, Anthony had pulled Pen into his lap so her knees framed either side of his tors and her arms wrapped around his neck. He fisted her hair in his hand and gently pulled to make her look up. When she complied he moved his lips to her neck, nipping and sucking at the soft, tender skin. Pen raked her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, urging him onward.

She arched her back, pressing her chest into him as his lips moved down from her neck, over her collar bone, and down her chest. The touch of his mouth on her skin left a trail of fire in its wake. No one had ever had this effect on her before. Without a second thought, Pen pulled away just long enough to peel her t-shirt off over her head and toss it aside. She wanted more contact, more fire.

Anthony's eyes studied her while he moved his hands round to cup and massage her breasts.

"God you're beautiful," he murmured, looking her straight in the eye.

The words took her breath away. It was the first time she'd ever heard those words, a thought that both thrilled and saddened her. At the very least, she should've heard such a compliment from her mother at some time or other. Weren't mothers supposed to tell their daughters they were pretty?

Forcing the thought out of her mind, Pen crushed her lips to his again, her mouth assaulting his with renewed passion. "Touch me," she whispered as she kissed across his jaw to nibble at his earlobe. When she felt him shiver, she smiled to herself. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, both because of their closeness and because she was shaking a little bit, overwhelmed by everything she was feeling. At last she got his shirt unbuttoned and moved her hands over his exposed skin. He was warm and his muscles rippled at her touch. She pushed his sleeves down his arms and he let go of her breasts long to shrug off his shirt the rest of the way.

Anthony watched her face, taking cues from her. She could feel his arousal against the front of her leggings so she knew he was as turned on as she was. Most men would just go full steam ahead, but he took the chance to stop and wait to see what she wanted. He really was the most amazing man she'd ever met. Keeping her eyes locked with his, Pen reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, letting it fall forward.

That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed. Anthony ducked his head down, kissing his way down to her breasts. He worked one breast with his hand, massaging rolling her nipple between his fingers, and took the other into his mouth. She moaned as his tongue started to work on her. Without her even realizing it, her hips started to gyrate against him, rubbing against his hard cock that strained against his pants.

"Don't stop," she said in a breathless whisper. She'd had sex before, not often but it had happened, and it had never felt like this. Every cell in her body felt alive and alert, ready for whatever came next.

"Never," he promised, moving his mouth to her other side.

Her fingers fumbled with his belt buckle. She wanted him, all of him, completely. She wanted him buried inside her. She wanted this feeling to continue, possibly forever. Finally she got his belt undone and had just gotten to the button when the door to the apartment swung open and El rushed in.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Chapter 9: I Only Wanna Be With You

Summary:

Pen and Anthony deal with Eloise discovering their secret affair, before they're left alone again to decide what to do next.

Notes:

This chapter gets SPICY. I have put * before and after the super spicy bits in case that's not your thing.

Spicy scenes aren't really my forte, but I gave it my best shot. I'm hopeful to go through and really polish the whole story up someday.

Chapter Text

The fog of lust Anthony had been lost in cleared almost instantly when he heard his sister's shriek. Instinct was torn between shielding Pen from view as much as possible and trying to make sure his sister didn't see his raging boner.

Pen gasped and turned her body away from the door, away from El.

"What are you doing here Eloise?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

"Have you already forgotten? I live here!" El's voice echoed off the brick walls. She paced inside and slammed the door behind her. "What the fuck is this? Is this why you suddenly agreed to move in with me, so you could have a private place to FUCK MY BROTHER?!"

By the time she finished her rant, Pen had found her shirt and pulled it back on to cover herself. Anthony put his back on as well but didn't bother to button it. He jumped to his feet, watching Pen's face.

"Be careful, Eloise," he warned her. After everything Pen had been through tonight already, he wasn't going to let his little sister be another person to push her aside.

"Careful? You mean like you two were careful, sitting half naked in the middle of my LIVING ROOM!" Penelope winced and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I thought you'd be with Phil all night," Pen said quietly. She seemed to be trying to shrink herself by sheer force of will.

"That was the plan, but I thought you might be lonely so I called to invite you to dinner with us. But when you didn't answer your phone, I panicked and came back to check on you." El cast a furious glance at her oldest brother. "I didn't realize you were being so well taken care of."

"Eloise," Anthony growled again. "Enough. Nothing we were doing was illegal or illicit. Pen is an adult capable of making her own choices."

"I know," El said, chin held high. "But last I knew, you were not the Bridgerton brother she chose. Or maybe she's just working her way through." The gaze she leveled at Penelope was simultaneously ice cold and full of white hot rage.

"Stop it!" Anthony barked. El at least had the good sense to jump at his tone. He was often surly but rarely resorted to yelling at his siblings. "You don't mean that. Why are you reacting this way? We're two consenting adults in a private apartment. Why are you acting like a jealous woman?"

"I…I'm not…It's just…" El flailed for a response. When she spoke again her tone was calm. "How long has this been going on?"

"Not long," Pen answered, sounding a little more grounded. "This—what you saw—we haven't, uh, done that. But…" She glanced at Anthony, then up at Eloise. "I kissed him at dinner the other night. And when he drove me home from the bar last weekend after we ran into each other. But before that we hadn't seen each other since you and I moved into our dorm Sophomore year."

He knew what she was doing. Pen was trying to take the blame all on herself. As if she'd thrown herself at him and he was too polite to do anything about it.

"It doesn't matter who kissed who," he cut in. "We've gotten close over the last week or so, but that's all. Not that any of this is your business, Eloise." He felt like a disobedient teenager being scolded by a parent.

"None of my business? She's my best friend!"

"And you are not my mother!" Pen seemed to have finally found her voice. "I'm sorry you found out about us the way you did, but this reaction is exactly why I didn't say anything sooner." She paused a moment, seemingly trying to make a decision. He watched her steel herself, decision evidently made.

"Colin came over right after you left. I—we fought, and he left. I was upset and I called Anthony. I never intended things to go the way they did, but I didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to make you leave Philip." Tears welled in her eyes. "You know my history with Colin. You know how much I—what he's meant to me. I realized tonight that those feelings only ever went one way and that was never going to change. My mother can barely tolerate me, you're busy with school and your activism, Colin's always off halfway around the world…I'm alone, El. Anthony is the first person in my life to make me feel like they give a shit."

"I care—" El began.

"I know," Pen said gently. "But you care about yourself more. I don't mean that as a criticism. You're entitled to be invested in your own life. I Just mean that your needs will always be more important than mine. The problem is that I always feel like everyone else's lives are more important than mine, too. Or I did. But not anymore. My life is my own and I'm sorry if my choices upset you, but that's not my problem."

A long, tense silence grew between the three of them. Pen had never spoken so frankly to anyone, as far as he knew.

"So are you two serious about each other? Or is this just a fling?" El was looking back and forth between them like she was still trying to make it make sense. Was it really so hard for her to believe that he might be interested in Pen?

"We haven't discussed it," Pen answered. "Like I said, this is all new. We haven't had a chance to really talk about it yet."

"And until we do, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this to yourself," Anthony cut in. "I want Pen to have the space to decide what she wants, without anyone making her feel guilty or unworthy." He gave his sister a very pointed look and she had the good sense to look sheepish. Unspoken between all three of them was that he didn't want Colin to find out second-hand.

He continued, "When and if there becomes anything to tell, we'll be the ones to spread the news. Do we have an agreement?"

El nodded. "Yeah. I'm…I'm sorry I blew up. I just never expected to see the two of you…like that."

"That makes two of us," Pen said with a soft laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

EL turned her full attention to her friend. "Penelope, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I've always wanted you to find someone who treats you the way you deserve. I just…I never thought it would be Anthony. I always thought Colin would wake up and realize what a good thing he could have with you."

He suddenly felt like he was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Did he really have to stand here and listen to how much Pen cared about his brother? He'd known for years, but to have it discussed in front of him after what the two of them had almost done seemed…perverse.

"Yes, well, he didn't. And I know now he never will." Pen shrugged but he could tell the topic still filled her with pain. "I agree with Anothony. Please don't tell anyone about us."

El hugged her. "Of course. Your secret is safe with me. I won't tell a soul. And I promise to pretend to be sufficiently surprised whenever you say anything to the rest of the family."

Now that the temperature in the room had cooled, everything seemed a bit awkward. El stood there, unsure of what to do, for a few seconds "Well, now that I know you're not dead on the floor or something, I'm going to go back to Phillip's place and leave you to talk or…whatever."

Anthony rolled his eyes. The last thing he needed was his sister knowing where and with whom he might be having sex. He usually tried very hard to keep his personal relationships separate from his family as long as possible.

As soon as El left, Pen and Anothony both let out a long breath.

"Well that was awkward," Pen remarked, giggling. She still wasn't sure if she was amused or motified. Probably both. "I'm sure getting walked in on mid-whatever by your sister is kind of a nightmare."

"You could say that." He paced and scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong." Doubt began to creep in. It still didn't seem possible that someone like Anthony would be interested in her at all, so she immediately interpreted his apology as regret. "Unless…you meant for what we were doing before El came in."

"No," he quickly assured her, moving to take her hands. "I promise you I'm not sorry about that. I'm…whatever the opposite of sorry is. I'm sorry my sister interrupted us, and that said what she said. It seems she and Colin share a habit of speaking first and thinking never."

"It wasn't your fault." She looked down at their hands together and gave his a gentle squeeze. Against every instinct, she believed him when he said he had no regrets.

"I should have been able to protect you from it." He pulled her closer to wrap his arms around her. "If I hadn't been so blind from wanting you, I would have thought enough to at least get us back to your bedroom instead of going at it on the floor of your living room."

"I didn't mind." Truth be told, the whole thing had turned her on more than she would ever admit out loud. Was she a secret exhibitionist?

"Oh neither did I," he replied with a wolfish grin. "But that's not how I would've wanted our first time to be." She appreciated that he saw the same destination for their encounter as she did.

"Then I guess it's a good thing we get a second shot at it." She could tell by his expression that her directness caught him by surprise. Good. She wanted to bring back the confident version of herself he'd met at Mondrich's, where a couple of beers had drowned out all the voices in her head telling her she was fat and ugly and worthless. It was getting easier to tell those voices to shut up when Anthony was around.

"That's one way to find a silver lining in my sister walking in on us." He chuckled. "I still can't quite wrap my head around it."

She giggled back. The idea of one of her sisters walking in on her in that kind of situation turned her stomach. She could only imagine how Anthony was feeling. "It does seem a little surreal. I'm sure Eloise is thinking the same thing."

"Can we please stop talking about my sister?" Pen laughed at how he frowned.

"Absolutely. I'd rather return to more pleasant activities." Gradually the humor faded from their expressions and something much more intimate took over once again. Why did he have this effect on her? One look and she was weak at the knees.

Without a word, Anthony took her hand and led her toward the bedrooms. She guided him toward the room she'd claimed and as soon as he pulled her into it, he pushed her back against the door and kissed her passionately. The heat both of them had turned down when El walked in was being stoked back to full force. She gasped when he pulled her hands up over head as their mouths explored each other.

"Trying to have a conversation with El when I knew you weren't wearing a bra was torture." He nuzzled against her neck, training his mouth down her neck. Keeping her hands in place with one of his hands, he used his other to lift her shirt up to expose her breasts again. Looking at them, he made a growl of appreciation. "Perfect," he murmured as his eyes took her in.

Pen's breath caught in her throat as he flicked his thumb over one of her nipples as he massaged her breast with the hand not holding her wrists. He let go of her wrists long enough to pull her shirt off and toss it aside. She took the opportunity to plunge her fingers through his hair and pull his mouth to hers again.

As they kissed, Anthony pulled her away from the door and backed her towards the bed. She didn't even notice until the backs of her legs came in contact with the mattress.

Pen's hands worked quickly on the fly of his pants, hesitating only briefly when she felt his erection straining against the material. Even fully covered, it seemed…impressive. He bit back a groan as she brushed against his arousal. Breaking the kiss, she locked her eyes on his as she pushed down the waistband of his pants and underwear together. Only when she felt him standing at attention against her stomach did she look down—and part of her wished she hadn't. He was much bigger than she'd seen in person before, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't intimidated.

Anthony took her face in his hands and tilted it up again to kiss her gently.

"We can go as slow as you want. If you want to stop now, we can."

Stop? Was the man crazy? She'd just stripped him naked in the middle of her bedroom and he thought she wanted to stop?

"I don't want to stop," she assured him, shaking her head.

"Oh thank God," he said with a grin, kissing her again. His hands slid down her body into the waistband of her leggings and he slid them down over her hips, reveling in the soft, smooth skin along the way. Once they were both naked he eased her down onto the bed. He framed her knees between his legs and sat up to take her in, all of her. Pen tried to cover herself out of insecurity, but he gently pushed her hands away.

"Don't hide from me. You're perfect."

And, inexplicably, she believed him. She saw no trace of judgement or hesitancy in his eyes. He wanted her just as she was. She stopped trying to hide herself or angle her body just so to disguise the less flattering parts. Instead, she lay back relaxed and let him look his fill. After what felt like several minutes of him just watching her, she started to get impatient.

"So are you just going to stare at me, or…."

He gave her the sexiest smirk she'd ever seen and leaned down onto her. "Oh no, I was just planning my route. I want to be meticulous and sample every inch of your incredible body." He gave her a few light, teasing kisses on the lips before beginning his journey down. First he nipped and sucked on her neck. Pen gave a brief prayer of gratitude for her thick, curly hair because she strongly suspected there would be hickeys to cover in the morning.

Every touch of his mouth on her skin left a trail of fire in its wake. No one had ever had this effect on her before. Even in her wildest fantasies—most involving Colin—she could never have imagined the heat and white-hot need Anthony was stoking inside her. He paused at her chest to lavish each of her breasts with attention. She gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer to her, moaning softly. All too soon he was on the move again, down her stomach and lower belly. Deep within her, she tensed in anticipation of where he was headed next.

Pen had never understood the big deal women in novels and movies always made about oral sex—at least being on the receiving end. She'd always been so preoccupied about whether she was properly groomed or if the guy was grossed out by her to really be able to enjoy herself. At the first touch of Anthony's mouth against her delicate folds, she practically lifted off the bed and any concerns about the ideal conditions were forgotten.

She bent her knees and pulled her heels back, opening herself up to him. Every swirl of his tongue had her writing with need. Her breaths came out in short sighs and gasps. His tongue found her clit and she arched up, pressing herself into him. "That's it….Don't stop…"

He pulled away long enough to promise, "Wouldn't dream of it," and went right back to his attentions. Pen felt a delicious tension low in her belly start building. Her hips moved against his mouth without her even being aware of it. The tension grew higher and faster, approaching orgasm. She was almost out of her mind with want, desperate for release, when he slipped a finger inside her at just the right angle and her entire world exploded. Her body went rigid, then shook as the most powerful orgasm of her life washed over her. It seemed to be endless, coming in wave after wave, all the while Anthony continued stroking inside her, adding another finger somewhere along the way.

"I want you," she finally managed in a breathless whisper.

"You have me," he promised. Moving back up the bed, he kissed her and she could taste herself on him. It was the most erotic moment she'd ever experienced, and she vowed never again to diminish the value of being gone down on. She cupped his cheek in her hand and returned the kiss. Despite the need and passion of the moment, his lips were soft and gentle against hers. He positioned his body between her legs, lined up his cock, and in one smooth motion, he entered her. Her head flew back and she gasped as he stretched her to her limit in the most delicious way. It was a good thing she and El had the whole third floor for their apartment, because her moans would surely have disturbed anyone sharing a wall with her.

Anthony supported himself on his elbows and stroked his fingers through her hair as he pumped into her, fast and hard, though she could sense he was still holding back somewhat. His breaths hissed out between his teeth as her hips moved against his.

"Fuck me," she panted. "Harder!" She wanted him to feel free to go as hard as he wanted to, not hold back to protect her.

He groaned and sat up, grabbing the backs of her knees and pulling her wide for him so he could ram his cock into her even faster, his length hitting just the right spot inside her with the change in angle. His eyes were shut tight as he blew out air through gritted teeth. Pen leaned up on her elbows, arching her back and letting her head fall back. The only sounds in the world were the slapping of their bodies colliding and the moans they let out.

Pen felt herself crest another intense orgasm with Anthony finishing right behind her. He collapsed on top of her, careful not to put his full weight on her body. Sweat dripped down both their faces as they tried to catch their breath. Neither of them managed a word for several minutes.

Finally Anthony pushed himself up on his arm and brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear. "That was incredible. You're incredible."

"You're no slouch either," she answered with a teasing grin.

"I mean it, Pen. It's never been like that for me before." His honesty touched and surprised her. She didn't expect him to lie, of course, but for him to admit something like that so openly without fear of hurting his male bravado was refreshing.

"I feel the same way." She brushed his hair off his forehead and smiled a bit shyly. It seemed ridiculous to be self-conscious after what they'd just done together, but she couldn't help it. The lust was starting to fade, bringing in the real world and all the self-doubt that came with it.

He took her hand that was on his cheek and turned his head to kiss her palm. "I'm glad we managed to get to a bed. That would have been much less comfortable on the hard wood floors."

"I'll be sure to thank Eloise next time I see her," Pen teased. Anthony groaned and buried his head in her neck.

"You had to bring up my sister right now?"

"She'll always be part of our first time together, whether you like it or not."

She felt the rumble of laughter in his chest before she heard him chuckle.

"Damn it, you're right."

Chapter 10: Hooked on a Feeling

Summary:

Pen and Anthony grow closer after their mind-blowing sex. Pen discovers her heart has changed towards an old friend.

Notes:

Sorry it's been a couple days! This week has been crazy busy and I wasn't feeling super creative.

Chapter Text

When she had use of her limbs again, Pen got up and went to the kitchen to get them each a bottle of water. Anthony was too afraid of Eloise coming back again to go himself.

By the time she returned to her room, he was under the covers, back resting against the pillows. He seemed to be taking inventory of her room. It had built-in bookshelves on the wall opposite her bed, with a built-in desk space between them. She had her laptop set up, and a second-hand desk chair, but the bookshelves were nearly full. A couple of small boxes sat in the corner, full of the few knick-knacks she'd thought to pack.

"It's a work in progress," Pen offered by way of excuse for her bare shelves. She handed him his water and climbed into bed next to him.

"What's that?" he asked, nodding to a black hard-shell instrument case. "It looks too big to be a guitar."

"That's because it's a cello." The case was covered in decals and bumper stickers she'd collected over time.

"I didn't know you played." His tone seemed to imply an invitation.

"Yeah. I started in grade school. I haven't been able to play it in years, though. Most of the strings broke while I was away at school, which made the sound post fall over. So it's pretty much just decoration at this point." She shrugged it off but she remembered the pain and rage she'd felt when she discovered her mother had let her instrument fall into such disrepair without even mentioning it to her.

"Can't you get it fixed?"

"I could. I don't know if it's even worth the cost of the repair, though. It also needs a full set of strings and I wouldn't be surprised if the bow is fucked up too. I stupidly left it out of its case when I went to school, and my sisters are not…the most respectful of my stuff."

Anthony's jaw clenched. "I'm sorry they didn't take better care of it while you were gone."

"I should really just sell it or something. I guess I'm just sentimental. Music was my escape when I was a kid."

"Then you should keep it." He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "I don't suppose you'd let me get it fixed for you?"

"Anthony, it's really not worth the trouble. But thank you for asking." She was touched by his offer. And she had no doubt that had she given permission, he'd have taken it to the best of the best and spent a fortune on the top-end of everything. It was way too much expense and effort for something she hadn't played regularly since high school.

To her surprise, he let the subject drop. They settled in against each other, laying down in bed in companionable silence. Now what? The few experiences she had before were more transactional than emotional. They did the deed, then went their separate ways. What was the procedure when it was someone you actually cared about?

"So—" they both started to talk at the same time, then laughed.

Anthony motioned for her to speak first, so she did.

"I'm sorry if this isn't how this kind of thing is done, but I'm just going to ask. Are you staying the night?"

Anthony leaned over and kissed her forehead. "You have no idea how much I want to, but I have an early meeting in the city tomorrow. Plus I think Eloise would rather not stumble upon me coming out of the bathroom when she comes back tomorrow."

Pen nodded. The voices of doubt started whispering in the back of her mind, telling her he was making it up just to get away. But she knew better, and she believed him. "Do you need to get going?"

She started to move away from him so he could get up, but he pulled her back with an arm around her waist.

"I have some time," he reassured her. Leaning over her on one arm, he ducked his head and kissed her softly. "Any idea what we could do with it?"

Pen smiled and looped her arms around his neck. "I have some thoughts…"

Later, when Pen was completely satisfied and half-asleep, Anthony kissed her goodbye and left for his apartment. She missed his warmth immediately. When she drifted off, her hand rested on the vacant spot he'd left in her bed.

Sunlight filtering in through the white curtains on the window woke Pen up in the morning. As she roused further, she realized it wasn't just the sun. Someone was knocking on the door to the apartment. Smiling to herself, she wondered if it was Anthony to say good morning and surprise her with breakfast. Then she recalled he said he had an early meeting. Maybe Eloise had forgotten her key?

Pen grabbed her pink jersey-knit robe and tied it around herself while she walked through the apartment.

Only as she was opening the door did it occur to her she should've checked the peep hole first. Her regret at forgetting that step only grew when she saw Colin standing there, coffee in one hand and a paper bag from her favorite café in the other.

"Hi," he said with a timid smile. "I come in peace." He held out the coffee and bag to her. After a brief battle with herself, she took them and stepped aside to let him in.

Colin looked around as he strolled inside. "This really is a cool apartment. It's even nicer in the daylight. I can see why you picked it."

Pen set his offerings on the coffee table and crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly very aware she wore nothing under her robe. She hadn't exactly been expecting company.

"What are you doing here, Colin?" she demanded. "I thought I made myself clear last night."

He turned to give her his full attention. She noticed his eyes do a quick sweep over her body, with an expression she'd never seen him direct towards her before. Interest.

"You did," he agreed, finally meeting her eyes. "And I heard every word. You were totally right, I've been a terrible friend."

All she could do was blink. Colin was not a man to admit wrongdoing easily. But one word from her and he just rolled over? It made no sense.

"Okay…" she hedged. "And?"

"I came here to say I'm sorry, and I'm going to do better. I got comfortable with us and I took you for granted. That's not going to happen anymore, I promise."

He looked sincere and she wanted to believe him. His eyes reminded her of a chastised puppy looking for a reassuring pat on the head. She wanted him to become the man she'd always thought he was. Her inner insecure teenager begged her to accept his apology and let bygones be bygones. Maybe…

"How can I be sure?" she asked, still not having moved from next to the coffee table. "How do I know you won't go right back into old habits?"

He pondered her question for a moment. "You don't, I guess. But give me a chance. Give me time to show you." He crossed the room to her in a few long-legged steps and put his hands on her arms. "Let me show you I can do better. Please, Pen."

She became very aware of how close he was standing to her. She could feel the warmth of his hands through the fabric of her robe. As he studied her, the look on his face transitioned from pitiful to something a little more heated. Again the teenager in her cheered. Colin was finally beginning to see her as a woman, not just his dumpy friend. But grown-ass adult Pen knew better. Since her epiphany the night before, she seemed to have developed a magic ability to see through Colin's crap. He was pretending to be interested so she'd forget she was mad at him and let him back in her good graces.

Very deliberately, Pen shrugged her arms free of his grasp and stepped back, creating distance.

"I'll think about it," she offered as she picked up the coffee he'd brought her. "But thanks for the coffee."

He looked genuinely stunned that she hadn't immediately let him back in her heart. "That's it?"

"For now, yes." She crossed the room and opened the apartment door. "I appreciate the breakfast and that you came here to apologize. I promise to think about what you said. Goodbye, Colin."

He didn't argue, but she could see the wheels turning in his mind as he tried to make sense of her sudden shift in treatment of him.

"There's something different about you lately," he observed. "You seem more confident. More sure of yourself." Then he surprised the hell out of her by grinning. "I like this new, bossy Pen. It's kind of hot."

She rolled her eyes. "Goodbye, Colin."

He was still grinning at her as he strolled out and ambled down the stairs. What was he playing at? What was he trying to get out of her?

In that moment, she knew that any romantic feelings she'd held for Colin were gone. She would always care for him in her heart as her first great love, but now she felt nothing beyond friendly affection—and even that was questionable at the moment. She'd always assumed the little bits of attention he gave her were as good as she deserved. In ten years, Colin had never taken the time to really see or understand her the way Anthony had in the last ten days, and she knew now he never would.

The thought didn't fill her with sadness the way she expected it to. Instead, it was a relief. She was free of whatever spell she'd been under, and could look at Colin as the man he was instead of the knight in shining armor she'd always imagined him to be. Another knight had recently taken his place and she was all too happy for the change.

Chapter 11: Dirty Little Secret

Summary:

Pen and Anthony make plans to have their first official date, and Pen has to decide if she's finally going to bury her self-doubt for good and trust that this is the real thing.

Notes:

Hi! Sorry it's been a few days. Last week was...horrible, so I wasn't feeling very creative or romantic.

In all honesty I'm not quite sure where to take the story from here, but I'll keep working on it.

Chapter Text

Later that morning, Pen was curled up with a book in an oversized armchair in the living room. She was still working on finishing the coffee Colin had dropped off earlier. Since Colin left, she'd been replaying their conversation in her head over and over. What was he playing at? Was he just mad that he couldn't play with his favorite toy anymore? Or had she finally woken him up to what was right in front of him? Of course she knew the most likely choice was the former, but still a tiny voice in her, which was growing stronger the longer she was away from Anthony, told her maybe he really was starting to see her as a woman instead of just a friend.

A knock on the door shook her out of her thoughts, which was closely followed by a key in the lock.

"It's me!" Eloise announced as she entered the room, hand over her eyes. "Is everybody decent?"

"Ha ha," Pen responded dryly. "You can uncover your eyes. Anthony isn't even here. He had to get to a meeting."

El lowered her hand and visibly relaxed. "Thank God. I don't think my heart can take seeing you two like that again."

She knew El was just trying to be funny, but Pen felt a little offended. "I'm sorry me having a sex life is such a painful thought for you."

"Stop it," El said with a sigh. "Of course I'm glad you're getting some finally. Just…did it have to be with my brother? That's the part that makes me want to stab my eyes out."

"Fair enough." Pen set down her book and her coffee. "Speaking of your brother…Colin came by. Twice, actually."

"You want to tell me about it?" She knew that even if it made El want to stab her eardrums out, she would listen to Pen and give her honest feedback.

"I…no. I'm not ready to get into it yet. Let's just say that his spell over me is broken and I'm finally seeing him for who he really is."

Eloise let out a whoop and punched the air in celebration. "Hallelujah! I thought this day would never come. Congratulations, Pen!"

Pen beamed. It wasn't until this moment she realized what an accomplishment it was. "Thank you. It didn't feel like something to celebrate last night, but now that you mention it, it is a pretty big deal."

"Damn right it is. If it weren't ten in the morning, I'd suggest we go down to Mondrich's to celebrate. Maybe tonight?"

"I—maybe. I'll have to see." It occurred to her Anthony might want to make plans. It felt strange to have to factor someone else into her life.

"Oh, right. You have to check with Anthony." El shuddered. "God that feels so weird to say. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you guys and I'm in your corner, a hundred percent, but I'm still wrapping my head around it."

Pen laughed. "That's okay, so am I. I still can't quite believe it. Never in a million years would I have pictured us together, I don't think he ever even looked at me until we bumped into each other last week."

"Well, I'm glad he did. You're going to be good for him. He's so damn cranky all the time. It occurred to me after last night that he's been in a lot better mood the last couple weeks. Now I know why."

Pen blushed at El's compliment. "I don't think it has anything to do with me."

El shrugged and pulled out her phone. "It's all about you, but fine." She glanced at her phone. "I have to go make a call. Let me know about tonight."

After El disappeared into her room, Pen was left alone again. Anothony had left hours ago and hadn't texted her, which she found strange. Of course they hadn't been in the habit of communicating regularly, but she assumed that after last night, things had changed between them. Maybe she was wrong. After all, just because they had sex didn't mean the whole nature of their relationship had changed, did it? Even if that's how she felt in the moment. They hadn't made anything official after all.

She stared at her phone, frozen in indecision. Was she supposed to reach out first? Was she supposed to wait for him? This whole thing was foreign to her. What were the rules nowadays?

Almost as if reading her mind, Anthony sent her a text at that moment.

"Good morning. I've been stuck in meetings since dawn. How are you?"

That simple question touched her heart. His first thought was to check up on her.

"Morning. I'm fine. A little sore "

"Good. That means I did my job right."

His cocky confidence caused a little quiver low in her belly.

"Can confirm." She texted back, grinning.

"I have meetings all day or I'd come over and do it all over again. I want to have dinner with you. I'll send you a car at five o'clock."

"What should I wear?" What kind of place did he like? She hoped him telling her what to wear would give her a clue how fancy a restaurant they were going to.

"As little as possible."

She gasped softly. Was he serious? Or just trying to get a reaction out of her? It still seemed so strange to her that gruff, serious Anthony was sending her flirty text messages in the middle of the day. If it were anyone else but him, she'd have gone to Eloise to show her the conversation and laugh about it, but she suspected the last thing her friend wanted to know was how Pen was flirting with El's big brother.

"I'll be ready," she texted back. She spent the next several hours trying to get some work done, but her mind kept wandering to the previous night's activities. None of her sexual experiences before Anthony had been anywhere near as powerful. She'd thought of sex as fun and certainly enjoyable, but she'd had no idea how life-altering great sex could be. And the craziest part was that she got the impression Anthony had felt the same way. Pen was hardly an expert at the whole endeavor, and she had no doubt he'd been with women much more experienced and skilled than she was, but his reactions implied that he had felt as changed by their shared passion as she was. It was both surprising and deeply flattering.

At exactly five o'clock, Pen sat on the futon, nervously awaiting the text that her car had arrived. El had wished her luck and left for Phil's place, stating that as happy as she was for Pen, it still wigged her out to watch her prepare for a hot date with El's brother, which Pen understood.

Given his order to wear as little as possible, Pen had been sorely tempted to wear her knee-length peplum-waisted trenchcoat with nothing underneath, but she knew there was no way her nerve would hold out to actually leave the house like that. So she compromised. She wore a slinky dark-pink satin dress with a wide v-neck and a nearly hip-high slit up one side. Under that, she wore a flimsy pink lace-cup bra El had talked her into buying months ago, and matching thong underwear. Strappy low-heeled nude sandals completed the outfit. Over it all she wore the very trenchcoat she'd been contemplating originally.

Her hair had finally surrendered and she managed to wrestle it into loose, romantic waves down her back. Makeup had never been one of her talents, so she wore only lip gloss and mascara, with a hint of an expensive perfume El had gifted to her a few Christmases ago. Nothing she had on was terribly fancy or high-fashion, but she felt attractive and that wasn't a feeling she was very familiar with.

As she was checking the time on her phone for the dozenth time, a text message came through stating the car was waiting for her downstairs. She grabbed her small black satin clutch and left the apartment, careful to lock the door behind her.

Though she and Anthony had already run all the bases in the last couple of weeks, this felt like a true first date, complete with butterflies in her stomach. Maybe they were doing things a little out of order, but she appreciated the attempt at a traditional dating experience. She and the driver spoke little on the way to—wherever they were going; she hadn't thought to ask and didn't really care. Anthony had exceptional taste and she was sure that whatever he had planned would be wonderful.

A short while later the car pulled up outside a high-rise apartment building in the city. Pen recognized it from the few times she'd come with El. It was Anthony's apartment building. She should have figured this was the plan. After all, he'd hardly instruct her to wear as little as possible if they were going to a fancy restaurant, would he?

The driver came around and opened the door for her, and inquired if she knew how to get to Anthony's place. She confirmed she did. He lived in the penthouse that took up the entire top floor. She'd never been in it, she always waited in the lobby when El dragged her along, but she'd heard the view was amazing.

As the elevator moved steadily upward toward the penthouse, Pen's heart started pounding a little harder in her chest. All of her interactions with Anthony up until how had been a happy accident. They never planned on being in the same place at the same time, but kept running into each other, with the exception of the night before, when she had asked him to come over. But they hadn't ever made plans ahead of time, so she hadn't had time to get nervous or second-guess her instincts.

Her excitement from earlier had given way to anxiety and worry. What if they realized the had nothing to talk about? Maybe all they had was a physical urge.

She shook her head to get rid of the self-doubt. That wasn't going to happen. There was something real between her and Anthony, she just knew it. Tonight would be perfect.

Just as Pen was raising her hand to knock on the door, it flew open and a woman went rushing past her, looking upset. The slender, petite brunette looked familiar and it took a moment to place, but eventually it clicked. That was Siena Rosso, the woman who'd broken Anthony's heart a year or so ago. Pen turned to watch her rush toward the eleveator. Siena was wearing a black figure-hugging dress that plunged dangerously low in the back, stopping just this side of modesty. The material hugged her body like a second skin, covering her chest and arms and yet leaving very little to the imagination.

Siena stepped onto the elevator and Pen turned her attention back to Anthony. He was standing in the doorway, shirt half-untucked with the buttons half undone. His hair was ruffled, his face red. Her eyes settled on his mouth, on the corner of which she detected a smear of lipstick. The exact shade she'd just seen on Siena.

"Oh…" was all she could manage.

"I swear to you this is not what it looks like," Anthony insisted, holding a hand out to her. "Come inside and I'll explain everything."

Chapter 12: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Summary:

Pen and Anthony discuss what actually happened at his apartment before she arrived. They attempt to keep things normal for their first real date.

Notes:

Hold onto your butts. In this chapter I tried to be in Anthony's POV. Hopefully it's not too crazy

This chapter gets SPICY. If that's not your thing, you can skip at least the back half of this chapter.

Chapter Text

Anthony watched Pen standing there in the hall, frozen in shock, and his heart nearly stopped in his chest. Finally, she took his extended hand and allowed him to pull her inside. Inside, he wanted to scream and punch something, but he tried to remain calm. Of all the nights for Siena to drop out of the sky and try to start things back up with him, it had to be tonight.

"I can only imagine what you must be thinking," he began, leading her toward the living room area of his open-plan penthouse. He settled her into a reproduction Eames chair and sat on the coffee table across from her, elbows resting on his knees. "All I can say, again, is it wasn't what it looked like."

Pen looked off to one side, almost in a daze. Anthony started to reach his hand out to hers, then hesitated and drew back before reaching out again and resting his hand on hers.

"Pen, please. Look at me." Something in his tone seemed to catch her attention. Finally, she met his eyes.

"What was she doing here?" she asked in a small, tentative voice. "Are you still seeing each other?"

"No," he answered immediately, shaking his head. "I haven't spoken to her in over a year. Honest to God, I have no idea why she showed up here." He raked his free hand through his hair. This next part was going to be hard but he was determined to be completely honest. "She came here, declared she wanted to get back together, and kissed me."

His heart broke as he watched Pen flinch when he confessed to the kiss.

"I broke it off immediately and told her I had no interest in giving our relationship another try. Nothing happened, Pen. I swear." His grip on her hand tightened. She looked down at their joined hands but didn't pull away, which gave him hope.

"She just showed up, out of the blue, and threw herself at you?" Pen's expression vacillated between confusion and disbelief. He could relate.

"I know, it sounds crazy. Believe me, I know how this all looks. I have no explanation as to the timing. But I need you to trust me. She came here, I turned her down, and she left. That's all. Nothing went any further than what I've already told you." He needed her to believe him more than he needed his next breath—a depth of feeling that caught him off-guard. No one's opinion had ever mattered to him as much as hers did at this moment. Not even his father's.

Pen studied his face. He saw her eyes scan him up and down. "Why is your shirt like that?"

He looked down, having forgotten all about it. "I was in the middle of getting changed when she showed up. When I saw it was her, I tried to get it buttoned up again."

Thank God he'd had the foresight to do that. If Pen had seen what she'd seen, on top of him shirtless? There was next to no chance she would ever trust that he was telling her the truth. And he wouldn't blame her.

He gently rubbed his thumb over her knuckles and met her eyes. "Pen, I don't blame you for being suspicious. If I had come into your apartment and saw you in the same situation, I would be asking questions. So ask anything you want. I promise I'll tell you nothing but the absolute truth."

She contemplated his words for what felt like hours. He could see the war she was having with herself behind her eyes. He had a sinking feeling that the confidence she'd found in herself recently was being severely tested. As tempted as he was to continue pleading his case, he determined to wait for her response before saying anything else. She deserved time to process.

Her gaze dropped down to their hands again as the silence stretched between them.

"I believe you," she said at last. He felt his entire body relax.

"You do?" He couldn't' keep the shock out of his voice.

"I do. You're neither an idiot nor an asshole, so you'd have no reason to invite a woman over to have a secret rendezvous right before you were expecting me." She let out a dry chuckle. "The whole series of events is so unbelievable that I can't help but believe it's true."

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Thank you."

Despite her declaration that she believed him, he could still see the doubt lurking. "I'm so sorry I did that to you," he said, cupping her cheek. "I hate that you even had reason to doubt me. I hope you know I would never do anything to hurt you."

She nodded and leaned against his hand. "I know. That's the other reason I believe you. I know you'd never set me up like that." Straighening her back, she frowned as another thought occurred to her.

"Siena couldn't have just decided to show up here out of the blue. Something or someone gave her reason to think there was a chance with you. Why now?" She chewed her bottom lip in thought and he fought the urge to take nibble it for her.

"You don't think Eloise…" he hedged. The thought made him sick but she was the only person who knew about them.

Pen shook her head immediately. "No. El might be struggling with the idea of us but she would never actively work against us, and I know she'd never hurt me like that. Maybe it really was just weird timing." Shrugging her shoulders, El stood up and smoothed her jacket. "Let's not talk about it anymore. What were your plans for the evening before everything got derailed?"

He let out a breath of relief at her suggestion to move on and forget the awkward way their evening started. "I have a charcuterie board laid out in the dining room and some salmon prepped in the fridge, along with some broccolini and parmesan roasted potatoes. And if none of that sounds good we can always order in."

"It sounds amazing!" Pen said eagerly. "I love a charcuterie. And salmon. And potatoes. Pretty much everything you just listed."

He laughed gently. "Then I guess we should get started. Can I get you some wine to start? I have a pinot noir I've been wanting to get into."

"I…don't know much about wine." She looked embarrassed the gap in knowledge.

"It was practically a required course growing up in my mother's house," he explained. "I'm happy to teach you if you want to learn. Do you like wine? I can get something else."

"No, wine is good. I'd like to know more about it, I Just never had the chance, or the money to really build up much of a collection." He led her towards the dining room where the wine was open to breathe. The lights were turned down low to help set the mood, accompanied by jazz music playing quietly in the background.

"This is wonderful," Pen said with a wide grin. "No one's ever gone to this much trouble for me before. You did all this yourself?"

"I did. And it was no trouble. I wanted us to have a nice, stress-free evening together. I feel like every time we see each other it's rushed. I wanted tonight to be different."

"It is," she reassured him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I love it."

Anthony curled a finger under her chin to tip her face up to him and pressed his lips to hers. He was determined not get carried away this time. At least not this early in the evening. Penelope deserved a proper date without him immediately trying to rip her clothes off, however sorely he might be tempted to. He kept the kiss light and soft before pulling away.

"Can I take your coat?" he offered, mortified that his voice came out a bit hoarse.

"Sure, thanks. I forgot I even had it on." She unbuttoned her coat to hand it to him and he nearly forgot his vow to take things slow. Her dress hugged her curves perfectly without being tight, and gave him a generous view of her cleavage.

"You look beautiful," he murmured as he drank in the sight of her.

"Thank you. I wasn't sure what the dress code was…" she trailed off and smoothed her hands nervously over her dress.

"It's perfect." He stepped close to her hand stroked his hands down her arms to lace his fingers through hers. "You're perfect."

He brought her hands up to his mouth to kiss her palms. "In the name of the total honesty I promised you," his lips began to move down her wrists toward her elbows. "I feel like you should know I'm in very real danger of falling hard for you."

Anthony heard Pen's breath catch, but he wasn't sure if it was because of his words or his actions while he moved up her arm with his lips.

"Anthony…" she whispered, shivering slightly.

It took more willpower than he knew he possessed, but he made himself break away again. Gradually Pen shifted from looking dazed to confused when she realized he had stopped kissing her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, frowning.

"Nothing. Everything is exactly right. But I promised myself you'd get a proper date tonight and I'm trying to stick to my word."

Her frown turned into a very charming pout. "Don't I get a say in how our night goes?"

"I…of course." As usual, she managed to catch him off-guard with an unexpected question. "I just assumed you might want a real date."

"I do," she confirmed. "I also want you naked and inside me as soon as possible."

If he'd been taking a sip of his wine he'd have surely choked on it. Of all the reactions he imagined Pen to have, her blunt declaration was nowhere on that list. She certainly knew how to keep him on his toes.

"Well…I…Works for me." He pulled her tight against him and crushed his mouth to hers. Her mouth opened to him as she became immediately pliant in his arms. His tongue explored her mouth while his hands explored her body. He slid a hand under the slit on the side of her dress, sliding up her thigh. When he reached her ass and didn't feel any material covering it, he groaned against her mouth and almost went dizzy with how fast he got hard.

Pen slipped her arms out of the thin straps of her dress and let the material gather at her waist, revealing a thin lace bra that left very little to the imagination. Anthony tugged at the material of her dress until it slid over her hips to pool at her feet. He'd assumed she wasn't wearing any underwear when he'd felt her ass a moment ago, but now he saw that she was wearing a tiny lace thong that matched her bra. Somehow, that was even hotter.

"God, Pen," he groaned as he looked at her. "You are so fucking incredible."

He dropped to his knees and kissed down her belly as his hands groped her ass, holding her to him. His hands squeezed and massaged the full, soft flesh. He moved one hand down the back of one of her legs, then swung it over his shoulder as his mouth moved lower down her body.

Pen gasped and lost her balance, leaning against the wall behind her for support. "Anthony!" she gasped as he touched her clit with his tongue through her thong.

After a brief debate with himself, he moved the scrap of material aside so he could taste her sweetness and give her pussy the attention it deserved. She fisted his hair in her hand for support as she stood on one leg with the other draped over his shoulder.

"I…Oh.." she moaned and tipped her head back as he hit the sweet spot again.

While he worked on her with his mouth, he slid a finger inside her, crooking it at just the right angle to make her jerk and twitch at his touch. After moving his finger in and out a few times, he slid another finger in her, feeling her tight around him. Her hips arched into him, urging him on.

He moaned against her clit. Her body was so responsive to his every touch, it drove him crazy. With him she had no reservations, no need to hold back and hide pieces of herself. She felt totally comfortable letting him see her at her most vulnerable, unashamed at her moans and sighs of pleasure.

His fingers and mouth continued their attentions to her as he felt her breathing get faster and her moans got louder. She tensed around him and he knew she was getting close.

"Come for me," he ordered, looking up from between her legs. "Don't hold back."

She bit her bottom lip again and it drove him crazy. He wanted to take that lip in his mouth and bite taste it for himself. But that would have to wait. Her hips continued to buck against his hand. He added a third finger inside her and heard her groan as he stretched her further.

"Do you like that?" he asked. When she could only nod, he insisted, "Tell me."

"Yes!" she cried out. She had her eyes shut tight, lost in the pleasure of the moment.

His fingers moved faster in and out as he felt her clenching around him, approaching orgasm. Her leg that remained on the floor started to wobble so he gripped the back of her thigh for support. With one last powerful thrust of his fingers, Pen cried out and her body jerked against him as she came hard. He greedily lapped up her juices before easing her down onto the floor.

Even as she lay under him fighting to catch her breath, he crawled up her body to suck and bite at her neck and play with her nipples, pebbled and pink beneath his fingers.

"Did you like that?" he asked against her shoulder.

"Do you really need to ask?" she responded in a breathless whisper. "It was fucking amazing."

Her next move surprised him. She used her body weight and hips to roll them over so she was on top, sitting astride his body with her knees framing his waist. Without hesitation, she leaned over and kissed him deeply, not shy about tasting herself on his lips.

"As incredible as that was," she started as she wiggled her hips down his body until his erection rested against the middle of her ass, "I believe I requested you inside me. Your fingers were not what I had in mind, as skilled as you are with them."

Pen raised herself up and moved back so that his dick was resting against her belly instead of her backside. When she took him in her hand and stroked him, he hissed out a breath through gritted teeth. He tried to pull her back down on top of him, but she pushed him back with a hand against his chest.

"Uh-uh," she admonished. "You had your turn. Now you're going to lay there and watch me fuck myself on your cock."

The graphic language she was using turned him on even more, if that was even possible. Sweet, soft-spoken Pen had a mouth on her. All he could do was nod dumbly at her command.

"Good boy." She grinned and stroked him a few more times before raising up on her knees, positioning him at her entrance, and lowering herself down onto his length with one smooth motion. They moaned in unison as he filled her. He gripped her upper thighs to help direct her movements against him. The way she'd already turned him on, he wasn't likely to last long.

"Fuck, Pen," he managed through gritted teeth.

"That's the idea," she agreed as she picked up the pace. Her tits bounced and jiggled in a way that had him almost hypnotized. Had he ever thought a woman had great breasts before her? If so, he'd been lying to himself. No woman could ever possibly compete with her.

Just when he thought the moment couldn't get any hotter, Pen reached down and started to work her clit as she rode him, and he somehow managed not to cum right there and then. Using his hands on her hips, he pulled her down hard onto him, changing the tenor of their movements to fast and hard. The sounds of their bodies slapping together echoed in the doorway to the dining room where they'd ended up, punctuated by their moans and gasps.

He could feel her tensing under his hands, and after one last bounce on his cock she erupted for a second time, with him a half second behind her.

After what felt like and endless orgasm, Anthony's body sank back onto the floor and Pen settled bonelessly on top of him again, her head on his shoulder. He idly brushed her hair off her face and combed his fingers through it.

"Holy fuck," she managed after a few minutes to catch her breath.

Anthony could only nod in agreement. His brain hadn't started back up yet to manage actual words.

"Will it always feel like this for us?" she asked, her tone unreadable.

"God, I hope so."

Chapter 13: First Day of my Life

Summary:

Pen and Anthony enjoy each other's company on their first date and beyond. Big decisions are made.

Notes:

This chapter is short, kind of a filler but also important things are happening.

Chapter Text

Eventually, they managed to actually have dinner. While they ate, conversation flowed easily. Anthony shared childhood stories of Eloise and his other siblings while Penelope tried to share her own childhood without sharing too much of the verbal and emotional abuse her mother had inflicted on her. When she got emotional talking about her father. Anthony squeezed her hand and waited patiently while she collected herself. He didn't shy away from her emotions or awkwardly try to change the subject. He let her go at her own speed.

To her delight, the ended up in bed together again after dinner was cleaned up. The heat and urgency of their earlier tryst had turned into something more tender and affectionate. They enjoyed each other's bodies at leisure, delighted in every touch and motion. Afterward, they laid in his bed, satisfied and drowsy.

"Can you stay?" Anthony asked as he brushed hair back off her face, laying on his side to face her.

"I wish I could but I have to go in the office tomorrow morning. I need to go home." She hoped he could hear the real disappointment in her voice. "I'd really love to be able to stay and wake up next to you in the morning."

The honest confession made her blush. Being so open with him made her feel vulnerable and raw. Anthony sighed but didn't make an argument.

"I understand," he said as he started to sit up. "I'll take you home."

"I can just get a cab," Pen offered, though she was glad he was offering to take her.

"No way," he responded strongly. "I'm driving you. I would have picked you up myself earlier but I wanted to be here to get everything set up."

She allowed herself a moment to admire his body as he moved around his room to get dressed. His muscles rippled and flexed as he stepped into some boxers and pulled a t-shirt over his head. He was the sort of man she'd never imagined herself with. No one who looked like him would ever possibly be interested in her, or so she'd always believed. Her own self-doubt and insecurities had always prevented her from approaching men like him in the past, or on the rare occasion they spoke to her, left her too tongue-tied to manage a remotely intelligent conversation. A thought flitted through her mind before she was even aware of it: If she had gained some of her newfound confidence earlier, would Colin have noticed her as a woman?

"Penny for your thoughts?" Anthony asked, snapping her out of her reverie. She shook her head to clear her mind.

"Just zoning out I guess," she replied. "All that sex seems to have let me a little bit brain-dead."

He gave her a rakish grin. "Good. That means it was a job well done. And I've got a little brain fog going on at the moment myself."

Pen sat up and tried to find her clothes. Despite the intimacies they'd just shared, she found herself feeling self-conscious and held the sheet over her chest while she searched the floor for her bra.

"Do you want something comfortable to wear home?" Anthony asked. "I'm happy to lend you some sweats."

Her first instinct was to doubt he had anything that would fit her. But Anthony was a large man, so it was possible his sweatpants would fit her. "Sure, thank you."

As she'd hoped, his sweats fit her fine and soon they were on the road headed for her apartment. Outside they exchanged one last, long kiss before she went inside and to her own lonely bed. It felt so big and cold without him in it.

Over the next several weeks, Pen and Anthony fell into a sort of rhythm. During the week, they texted often and tried to see each other at least one or two evenings, then spent most of every weekend together. Even if Anthony had work to do, which he often did, he did it from his home office and Pen hung out at his place. Soon she felt nearly as comfortable there as she did in her own apartment. Anthony must have noticed, too.

"Move in with me," he murmured against her hair after a particularly mind-melting romp in bed.

She tensed in surprise for a moment, hoping he didn't take that as fear or uncertainty. "Are you sure you want me to?" she asked after a beat. His hand traveled down her her side, over her hip, then around to brush against her most sensitive places.

"Am I sure I want to wake up to this every day? Absolutely." He started kissing her neck and working his way down towards her shoulder. "Also I want to tell my family about us."

She tilted her head to give him more room and sighed. "Are you trying to keep me distracted so I just blindly agree to your demands? Because it's working."

"Does that mean you'll do both?" The excitement in his voice touched her deeply. He was genuinely happy that she'd agreed.

"I'll move in if you really want me to, but you have to help me tell Eloise. Although she's gone more often than she's at the apartment so she may be ready to move in with her boyfriend too--"

Anthony drew his head back and she realized too late that she'd given him a label they'd never formally decided on. "Boyfriend?"

Pen's face turned bright red as she tried to think of a way to backtrack. "I, well, I meant her boyfriend. Not necessarily that you--that you and I..." she trailed off, at a loss of where to go from here.

To her surprise, a broad smile spread across his face and he chuckled. "I didn't mean it like that, Pen. I like that you just sort of called me your boyfriend. I know we never really talked about our official labels or anything, but would I have asked you to move in with me if I didn't consider us together?" His smile faded when he saw the panic in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think I was offended. I liked it. I like that you think of me that way."

Her entire body relaxed as she registered his words. He wasn't upset, or looking for an exit strategy. He was happy to be her partner. "In that case, I suppose it is time for your family to meet your girlfriend."

Once again he gave her that breathtaking smile and caressed her cheek. "I love you, Pen. I hope you know that."

Pen's heart thundered in her chest. No one had ever said that to her before. Maybe her mother, but she couldn't even recall that ever happening. It felt wonderful and terrifying at the same time, to know she held his heart in her hands--even scarier that she knew in that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he held hers as well. "I do. I love you, too."

Anthony kissed her fiercely, pouring all the love he felt for her into it. Until that morning, Pen had never really understood why people used the term 'making love' when they really meant sex. Now she knew the difference. When she and Anthony came together this time, they were making love. He made her feel sexy and desirable, but also completely safe and cherished. It was a wholly new experience for her and she knew she would hold onto this feeling forever. No matter what the future held for them, in this moment everything was perfect.

Chapter 14: Leaving on a Jet Plane

Summary:

Anthony has to leave town unexpectedly, postponing their future plans. El and Pen have a beach day and Pen wars with her own feelings.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When Pen awoke the next morning, Anthony wasn't in bed. It was unusual for him not to stay in bed until she woke up, so she went looking for him. A knot of anxiety planted itself in her stomach. Part of her expected to find a note on the dining room table telling her he'd changed his mind, he didn't love her, didn't want to move in with her, and wanted her gone as soon as possible.

Reaching the dining room, she saw no such note, and the knot in her gut relaxed a little bit. But where could he be this early on a Sunday? Pen made her way through the rest of the apartment, finally tracking him down in his office. She kicked herself for not thinking to check there first.

Anthony sat hunched over his desk, angrily punching keys on his computer's keyboard. She could feel the irritation pouring off of him in waves.

"Anthony?" Pen asked quietly, leaning against the door frame. He jumped, apparently not hearing her approach.

"Pen." He smiled, but a line of worry stayed etched between his brows. Almost as if they'd done it for years, she crossed the room to him as he extended his hand to her, perching on his knee.

"What's wrong?" she asked, touching her finger to the aforementioned worry wrinkle. "It's too early for you to have that look of impending doom on your face."

"Not impending doom, just…massive inconvenience." He wrapped his arms around her waist, leaned his head on her shoulder, and sighed heavily. "I have to go to London tonight. We have a merger that's going sideways and I need to be there in person to fix it. Which means moving you in will have to wait a week or two. As will telling my family about us. I'm so sorry. I never would have brought it up last night if I thought I would be leaving town so soon."

Pen stroked her fingers through his hair. "It's okay, really. You didn't know. If we have to wait a while longer, we'll wait."

"I wish I could bring you with me, but it wouldn't be fair to you. I'm going to be stuck in meetings pretty much all day every day and you'd be stuck either sitting in a hotel room or wandering around London by yourself." She could tell he was truly regretful. "When we go to London I want to do it properly, show you around myself."

"Anthony, it's alright. Go on your trip, save the world, and I'll be waiting for you when you come back."

He turned her face toward him and stroked her cheek. "Thank you for being so understanding. I'm not sure I would be so generous in your shoes."

She shrugged. "Life happens. You're not calling the whole thing off, we just have to wait a little longer."

"I'll leave word at the front desk that you're welcome here anytime. They'll let you in." As if having access to his penthouse would make her miss him less.

"Thank you, but you don't need to do that. The best part about being here is being with you. If you're not here, it's just a big open space to rattle around in. I'll stay tucked away in my little walk-up apartment with Eloise until you get back."

A message popped up on Anthony's screen and he scowled. "Goddammit, can't anyone do anything right?" He gently eased Pen off is lap and turned to give the screen his full attention.

"I'm going to take off so you can concentrate and get ready for your trip," Pen told him.

Anthony looked up, startled. "What? I thought we could spend the day together before I have to catch my flight."

She shook her head, smiling gently. "No, you need to focus on work. It's fine, really. I understand."

Walking over to him, she leaned down and gave him a long, lingering kiss. "That'll have to hold you until you get back."

He trapped her between his legs by wrapping his arms around her waist. "For the first time in my life, I don't want to go on a business trip. I don't want to leave you." With a groan he buried his face in her stomach.

Pen stroked his hair. "For the record, I don't want you to leave either, but we both know you have to. You can't throw away major business deals because you want to stay home in bed with your girlfriend."

"When you put it that way, I guess you're right." He cursed under his breath. "Alright, you should get going before my willpower gives out.

Kissing the top of his head, Pen backed away from him. "Just remember, I love you and I'll be waiting for you."

"I love you, too," Anthony responded, but she could tell he was already getting pulled back into whatever disaster he was dealing with at his company. As quietly as possible, she dressed and slipped out the door.

She would be lying if she said there wasn't a voice in her head telling her that the absence would convince Anthony that he didn't actually love her, the whole thing was some physical itch gotten out of control, and he'd break things off as soon as he got home. But she was deciding to have faith. He loved her, he was coming home to her, and they would move in together just like they planned.

Pen spent the rest of the day burying herself in her own work. By the time she crawled into bed that night, she was three days ahead on her research. She'd gotten a text from Anthony before his flight took off restating his love for her and that he would miss her. She returned the sentiment before rolling over and attempting to sleep.

The next morning, Eloise busted in her room just as the sun was starting to rise.

"Call in sick today," El demanded. "We're going to the beach."

Pen sat up, half-asleep and confused. "What?"

"You need a distraction. I need a day off. So we're going to play hooky from work and go spend the day at the beach swimming and collecting rocks and working on our tans." Of course Eloise had the perfect complexion to tan, but Pen was fair-skinned with red hair. She went from zero to lobster after ten minutes in the sun.

She wanted to argue, to tell El she had to work and couldn't just take the day off, but then she thought…why not? For once in her life, would it kill her to be spontaneous? Hadn't she just determined she was three days ahead on her research after the day before?

"Okay, sure." Pen laughed at El's shocked expression. Clearly she'd expected it to take more persuading.

"Really? Awesome! Do you mind if Phil comes along? He needs to get away from his research too." Pen thought she detected a faint blush in El's cheeks as she asked about bringing her boyfriend along. She'd never asked to include a significant other in their adventures before, which indicated to Pen that this one was serious.

"Sure, I don't mind."

"Great! Be ready in an hour. I'm going to run out and get drinks and stuff." As abruptly as she'd appeared, Eloise vanished again to get preparations under way. Pen sat up in bed and checked her phone for word from Anthony that he'd arrived safely. She let out a relieved breath when she saw a text from him.

Anthony: Made it to London. I'll check in when I can.

Pen smiled to herself as she typed her response.

Pen: Good morning. Glad you made it safe. I miss you. El is dragging me to the beach today so I might not have my phone on me all the time.

Anthony: Have fun. Love you.

Her heart still thrilled when he declared his feelings for her. Would she ever get used to it, she wondered? She hoped not.

While she waited for El to returned, Pen changed into her bathing suit, opting for a red polka-dot bikini she usually only wore if she and El were alone at the Bridgerton's house taking advantage of the hot tub or pool. In public, she usually wore a modest one-piece if she absolutely had to be seen in a bathing suit. But now, she simply didn't care what anyone thought of her body. Anthony loved her, loved her body, and that's all that mattered. She liked her bikini so she was going to wear it.

Over her bikini she threw on an oversized t-shirt and some denim cut-off shorts along with some cheap flip-flops. To help protect herself from the sun, she threw on a straw cowboy hat that she'd gotten at a western-themed party El threw in college. As she looked in the mirror, it occurred to Pen that every item of clothing she had that flattered her curves or made her feel pretty had been either given to her by Eloise or El had strongly encouraged her to buy. El had been trying to get her to love herself for years, just in more subtle ways than Anthony. Pen made a mental note to find a way to thank her friend.

Any sense of gratitude quickly vanished when she got down to the car and saw Colin sitting in the back seat. El, who had taken Pen's beach bag to put it in the trunk, sent her an apologetic smile and a shrug. Pen rounded the back of the car.

"Why is he here?" Pen asked quietly.

"He asked if he could come," El answered, looking genuinely conflicted. "He's my brother, I caved. I'm sorry. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to, I think he just wanted to be with friends. I guess he and Marina are…having issues."

"Fine," Pen said with a sigh. Even she wasn't so bitter that she would deny him time with his sister when he was struggling.

"I'm sorry," El said again as she closed the trunk. Phil was in the passenger seat, and El got in to drive, which left Pen sitting next to Colin. If the beach El had in mind was the one she and Pen usually went to, it was almost an hour away. That was a long time to be trapped in closed quarters with her one-time love.

El and Phil chatted easily as they started the drive, while Pen and Colin sat in awkward silence behind them. Finally, Colin looked at her.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I know you probably don't want to see me right now. I just…I wanted to be able to talk to you."

"Talk about what?" Pen asked, keeping her focus on the window closest to her instead of on him. She knew if she looked into his piercing green eyes, she was going to fall for his lines.

"I've been thinking about what you said the other night, before you kicked me out." He sounded like a scolded child being forced to apologize.

"And?" she prompted.

"You were right about everything. I never meant to hurt you, of course, but I know now that I did. You've always been my safe place and I took that for granted."

She felt his hand cover hers on the seat between them. Instantly she whipped her head around to look at him, then at their joined hands. Her first instinct was to pull away, but something held her in place. For the first time she could recall, he sounded genuine. No angle, no charm offensive. Maybe she had finally gotten through to him.

"Pen, can we start over? Try to be friends again? I miss you and I want to show you that I'm different now. Let me try to be the man you used to think I was." Pen made the mistake of looking into his eyes and felt her resolve begin to falter. Didn't everyone deserve a second chance? Maybe her verbal slap across the face actually got through.

"Um…sure," she finally agreed. The bright, beaming smile she got back warmed her heart and she could feel the embers of her feelings for him begin to spark again, though she ignored it. No matter how different Colin turned out to be, it wasn't going to change her feelings for Anthony.

Colin and Pen chatted easily the rest of the drive, as if they'd never been at odds. Pen knew it would take a lot more time and effort on his part before she truly believed he was different now, but she wanted to enjoy the day so she enjoyed this version of him while he was here.

Because it was still early in the day, they had the beach almost to themselves. Pen and El set up the sun shade tent and large beach blanket up on a small grassy berm at the edge of the sand. Then the four of them took turns applying sunscreen, Pen more liberally than the others.

"Want me to get your back?" Colin asked when she was working the white lotion into her arms and shoulders. She was about to say that she'd ask Eloise, but El and Phil were already down by the water, splashing each other and goofing around.

"Um…sure." Taking off her hat, Pen self-consciously took off her t-shirt so he could apply the sunblock to her back. She did notice the way Colin's expression darkened and his mouth fell open when he saw her in her bikini. He quickly recovered and cleared his throat, motioning for her to turn around.

She turned her back to him, hugging her knees to her chest as he knelt behind her on the blanket. It was an innocent enough act, applying sunblock, but the way he moved his hand over her felt intimate. It felt as if she was being disloyal to Anthony, but she knew that was silly. If El were the one helping her, she wouldn't think twice about it. He started at the small of her back, rubbing in expanding circles before moving up.

She heard him squeeze more lotion onto his hand before he started rubbing it into her shoulders and working his way down. His fingers slipped under the band of her bikini top and she gasped, arching away from him.

"Colin—"

"I just want to make sure there aren't any gaps. We don't want you getting a sunburn, do we?" His tone made it sound like the most reasonable thing in the world. Against her better judgement, she relaxed again.

"All done," he declared a moment later. She turned to take the bottle from him and put it back in the bag. "Unless you want me to rub it on your chest too," he added with an exaggerated waggle of her eyebrows, which made her laugh. It had been a long time since he'd made her laugh, lately he was much better at making her cry.

"That's better," he said with a nod. "I've missed that smile."

Standing up, he brushed the sand from his knees and looked toward the water, where Phil was currently pretending to throw Eloise in. "I'm going to go jump in the lake. You want to come?"

El settled back in the lounge chair she'd brought with her. "No, I'm going to stay here and read for a while first."

Colin shrugged and ran towards the water, and she couldn't help but admire his athletic build. His muscles were less obvious than Anthony, but she knew he was just as strong. She imagined running her fingers over his chest the way she had with Anthony—where had that thought come from? Pen was getting annoyed at the old flame sparking up again. To distract herself she picked up her phone to check for word from Anthony.

Anthony: Grabbing a bite between meetings. Call me when you get home, no matter what time.

Pen started to type out a reply, then got a better idea. After checking to make sure her companions were distracted down at the water, which they were, she turned so her back was to them, then pulled her breasts free of her top, covering them loosely with one arm as she held her phone out to take a picture with the other. To complete the photo, she made a kissing face, channeling her inner Marilyn Monroe.

As soon as the photo was snapped she put everything back in place before sending the picture to Anthony. Nothing was showing but it was the most daring picture she'd ever taken of herself. Her cheeks flushed as she thought of how he might react when he saw it.

He was probably too busy to check his phone so she put it out of her mind and opened her book to start reading. A few minutes later she heard her phone vibrate and picked it up.

Are you trying to get me hard in front of my executive board?

Pen laughed. So he'd seen her message. Feeling cheeky, she responded,

P: If I weren't on a public beach you'd have gotten a lot better than that.

A: Remind me to buy my own beach.

P: Also your siblings are with me.

A: Siblings? I thought it was just Eloise.

Too late Pen realized her error. She had no desire to hide that Colin was here, but she wanted to tell him on the phone later, not over text. She winced to herself as she typed out,

El let Colin tag along at the last minute

Her stomach dropped as she sent it and waited for his response. She saw the ellipses indicating he was typing a response come and go several times. Finally she got her answer.

Gotta go. Meetings.

Notes:

This was a longer chapter to make to for the last one.

Should I write a Polin story too?

Chapter 15: My Own Worst Enemy

Summary:

It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy

'Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me

Penelope battles with her feelings while she and Anthony find a way to connect long-distance.

An old friend's betrayal leaves Pen shaken.

Notes:

I probably could have made this 2 shorter chapters but I decided to lump them together. The next chapter is already underway. If I get time I may get it posted later tonight.

As always, please let me know what you think! I'm really enjoying working on this story. Not sure how many more chapters it'll end up being.

Chapter Text

Pen spent the rest of the day sick to her stomach with worry. One single careless text might have just ruined everything. She checked her phone incessantly for the next hour, praying he'd send her a follow-up text, but nothing came.

Finally, El came trudging up the beach.

"Come in the water," she begged. "You can't sit here reading all day. We're supposed to be having fun!"

"Reading is fun for me," Pen reminded her friend. El leveled an unamused gaze at her.

"You know what I mean."

Going against her first instinct, which was to say no and stay there under her sun shade, Pen decided the distraction might be good.

"Okay, okay." She climbed out of her chair and stepped out of her shorts. El took her hand and practically dragged her down to the water. Mercifully she managed to pull her hand free before Eloise could force her all the way in. Instead, she stood just at the edge of the water so it lapped at her toes. The water was cool but she knew it would feel good once she got used to it. Gradually she eased her way in so after a few minutes it was at knee level.

Colin came jogging up from further down the beach where he and Phil had been tossing a frisbee. "You look like every mom ever. Hands on hips, pacing in one little pace while you get used to the water. My mom must have stood just like that a hundred times when we were kids."

Pen laughed. Of course her mother would never deign to set foot in a lake, only pools for her, but she could easily imagine Violet wading in, trying to avoid the splashes of her many children.

"I like to take my time," she explained.

He moved to stand shoulder to shoulder with her, looking out at the water for a moment before turning his gaze to her. She didn't dare look back at him but could feel the intensity of his eyes. "You know, sometimes when you take too long, you miss out on the good things right in front of you."

The implication of his statement was clear and it made her stomach flip-flop.

"That may be right," she agreed, keeping her eyes focused on the water. "Sometimes you end up missing out."

Colin reached for her hand, his fingers brushing hers before she pulled away. "Pen, I—"

She didn't stick around to let him finish. Instead she tromped further into the water until it was deep enough to sink her body into, when she promptly dove in and swam out several dozen yards. Leaning back, she let herself float as she watched the clouds drift their way across the sky.

Her years-long feelings for Colin warred with her newfound feelings for Anthony. Everything with Anthony had happened so quickly, but felt so right at every step of the way. She never had to doubt his feelings for her or where he saw her fitting into his life. After all, hadn't he asked her to move in? With Colin, her heart was constantly in turmoil. Did he like her? Was he just playing games? EL had said he was having problems with Marina; was he just paying attention to her because he was lonely? Even if things seemed different this time, it would take time and effort on his part to truly make her believe it. Time she wasn't sure she wanted to give him. After all she'd already given him over a decade of her life.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a ball landing right next to her, splashing water on her. She wiped the drops off her face and looked for the source of the ball. Eloise was waving to her from closer to the beach, summoning her over. With a sigh Pen started swimming back toward her friend. None of the questions in her mind were going to be answered today, so she may as well enjoy the day as best she could.

"Let's have a chicken fight!" Eloise suggested excitedly when Pen got close enough to hear her.

"What's that?" Pen asked. She'd never heard of such a thing.

"We each sit on one of the guys' shoulders, and then try to knock each other off. The one who stays up wins."

The whole thing sounded silly to Pen, not to mention her concern for the safety of whoever she was sitting on. But El seemed excited about it.

"Okay, I'll try it," Pen said. El cheered.

"Great! Phil and I can be a team and you and Colin can be a team." Pen wanted to object but she also wasn't comfortable enough with El's boyfriend to let him carry her on his shoulders.

"Climb aboard," Colin said to her with a cheeky grin. It took some awkward maneuvering but Pen managed to get up on Colin's shoulders, gripping his forehead for support. The whole thing felt very intimate. She was wearing only a bikini, with his head between her thighs, and he had to hold onto her legs for balance. One saving grace was that he didn't seem to be struggling with her weight at all as she feared.

Eloise and Phil were waiting, having gotten into position much more easily.

"Ready to take them down?" Colin asked her, giving her thigh a playful pinch. She jumped at the contact. Once again, even though everything they were doing was benign and just friends having fun, she felt like she was being unfaithful. She couldn't wait until she got home and could call him to talk things over.

"Pen?" Colin prompted when she still didn't respond to his question.

"Oh, yeah, sure."

With Eloise's competitive nature and apparent experience with the game, it didn't take long before Pen went tumbling into the lake, coming up sputtering a moment later.

"Victory!" El declared, pumping her first in the air. She spent the rest of the afternoon gloating about her win while the others just nodded along indulgently.

It was late afternoon by the time Pen got back to her apartment. El dropped her off first and told her she'd be staying with Phil for the night, so Pen had the place to herself. After grabbing a quick snack, she took a shower to wash off the sand she'd accumulated at the beach, taking more time than usual on her hair. To put it bluntly, she was procrastinating. As desperate as she was to talk to Anthony, she was afraid he would be upset with her for spending the day with Colin.

An hour later, she couldn't put it off anymore. Pulling her phone off the charger, she pushed the button to video-call Anthony. As it was ringing she worried that she was calling him in the middle of the night London time. What was the time difference there anyway?

He answered after the third ring, just as she was starting to worry that he was either asleep or avoiding her call.

"Hey, beautiful," Anthony said with a warm smile as soon as the camera connected.

Pen blushed. "Hey yourself. I hope I didn't wake you up or anything. I didn't even think about the time difference."

"No, it's just after 10pm here. I was just looking over some paperwork to prepare for meetings tomorrow. How was your day at the beach?" If he was upset about their earlier conversation, he gave no indication.

"It was fun. I can't remember the last time I spent the day just hanging out at the beach. My mom preferred resort pools to lakes when I was growing up." Why was she talking about something so mundane?

"I'm glad you were able to get away. You don't take enough time for yourself."

She rolled her eyes. "Says the man who's been working for weeks on end."

He laughed and her heart lifted. "Point taken. I promise after this is all straightened out I will take some real time away. Maybe we could go on a trip somewhere."

"I'd love that. I have plenty of time off saved up since I had no life before we got together." It was a statement of fact, not a dig on herself. He seemed to understand that and didn't push back.

Anthony laid down in his bed and she realized he was shirtless. Her mouth suddenly went dry.

"I miss you," she said quietly.

"I miss you too. I'm trying to get this all wrapped up as soon as possible so I can come home." He paused, contemplating something. "How did things go with my brother today?"

"It was fine," she answered noncommittally. "I swear I didn't know he was going to be there until it was too late. I couldn't very well ask El to turn her own brother away just because he and I are fighting."

Anthony sighed. "You're right. El has always had a soft spot for him. I was afraid he was upsetting you again."

"No, he was on his best behavior." And then some, she added silently to herself. "We got along fine."

"Good. Now about that picture you sent me…" he let his sentence trail off.

"What about it?"

"You have no idea how much. I almost had a very embarrassing situation in front of some very important people." He looked both annoyed and turned on all over again.

"Let me make it up to you now," Pen offered. She set her phone down on the bed, facing up at the ceiling, and took off all her clothes. Even though it was in the privacy of her room and with a man who'd already seen her naked several times, it felt risqué and daring. When she picked the phone back up again, she kept the camera aimed at her shoulders and above.

Anthony's eyebrow quirked up as he noticed her t-shirt was gone. "The image of you laying on the beach, taking dirty pictures for me kept me at half-mast all afternoon."

"Maybe someday I'll be brave enough. For now you'll just have to settle for me being naked in my bedroom on a video call with you." She slowly panned the camera down her body so he knew she had nothing on.

Anthony groaned. "You're killing me, Pen. I have half a mind to tell these English pricks to stuff it and fly home right now so I can be there in person."

"I told you before, I will not be the reason your company loses millions of dollars. We'll just have to find a way to get through this time apart."

"I want to watch your face while you touch yourself," Anthony said, his voice rough and husky. His request—which sounded like more of a demand—caught her off-guard but also turned her on.

"I will if you will," she challenged him with a teasing grin. He smirked back at her. His camera bumped and jiggled a few times, then scanned down his body so she could see that he was naked and fully erect.

"Deal."

Pen had never had video-call sex before, and she got the impression he hadn't either, but they explored the experience together for the next hour, until they were both spent and satisfied. Her own fingers were not nearly as effective as Anthony's body, but it was an acceptable substitute for the time being.

"I'm glad you called tonight," Anthony said, still catching his breath.

"Me too."

"I need to try to get some sleep so I can form a coherent sentence in the morning. I love you."

She still felt the familiar thrill up her spine at his declaration.

"I love you too. Good night." Despite the fact that it was barely six o'clock, the events of the day combined with her multiple orgasms left Pen feeling drowsy and she soon drifted off to sleep.

Over the next week, Pen and Anthony continued their nightly video calls. Some nights they masturbated together, other nights they just talked until Anthony needed to go to sleep. In addition to the calls, they texted throughout the day, sometimes exchanging suggestive photos. Eloise made the mistake of stealing Pen's phone as a text was coming in from Anthony, and was traumatized to see a photo of her own brother's dick, leaving Pen equal parts mortified and highly entertained.

Colin had been over twice, once when Eloise happened to be home for the evening so the three of them watched a movie and ordered pizza. The second time he came over Pen was home alone.

He looked around as he stepped inside. "The last time I was here….things didn't go well."

"That's true," Pen hedged.

"I promise to be less of a dickhead this time," he vowed, making her laugh. Colin produced a take-out bag of Pen's favorite pasta dish from her favorite Italian restaurant as well as a bottle of wine. She was uneasy about drinking alcohol around Colin, but decided one glass wouldn't hurt.

When they were both seated on the sofa with a plate of food in their laps and a glass of wine on each end table, Colin studied her.

"What?" she finally asked. "Do I have sauce on my nose or something?" She swiped at her nose.

"No, you don't have sauce on your face." He sipped his wine and set the glass back down before leaning towards her. "I can't stop thinking about you in that little red bikini."

Pen looked down at her food as her cheeks flamed. "Oh. That."

"Your body has been driving me crazy." He moved closer to her and rested his hand on her knee. Pen clamped her knees shut and scooted further toward the opposite end of the sofa.

"Colin, don't."

"Pen, come on." He leaned in further. "When I told you you woke me up that day you kicked me out, I meant it. I finally saw what an amazing woman you are. I think I was just scared before. Scared of breaking what we have. But I think maybe we could give it a try. I was thinking maybe it's time I quit running around and build a life for myself. I think I want to build it with you."

"You think, maybe?" Pen challenged, standing up to create distance between them. "That's not exactly a rousing endorsement."

"Come on," he groaned. "You know what I mean. I think we could be good together if we just gave it a shot."

Pen threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "Now you say that. You're too late, Colin."

He shot up off the sofa and crossed to her. "No, don't say that. Don't tell me it's too late."

"I'm…I'm seeing someone." She wouldn't tell him who, not with Anthony out of town and not having discussed it with him first. There was a distinct lack of surprise on his face at her admission.

"Anyone I know?" he asked with a expression she couldn't quite place.

"It doesn't matter. I'm with someone I care about, so you're too late. I was right here for ten years and you never even noticed. Your bad timing is not my fault." She kept her tone as calm as possible even as her blood started to boil.

"But the other day, you said we could start over—"

"As friends, Col. And I never said that. I was willing to try. Trying to find our footing as friends again doesn't mean the last ten years didn't happen. I can't close all that off and forget it. It's all a part of our history, whether we like it or not."

He seemed to consider her words for a moment. She'd expected more push-back but he was at least attempting to hear her out.

"You're right. Again." He huffed out a breath and raked his hand through his hair. "I fucked it up again. If all we can be is friends, then that's what we'll be. I can't lose you in my life."

A part of her was still excited to hear that he needed her. Old habits died hard. But she wasn't sure she trusted him fully. When she told him she was with someone, he didn't seem all that bothered. He seemed to expect her to break up with whoever she was seeing because he declared an interest in trying a relationship with her.

"Colin…I need you to go."

"No, please. I'll stop pushing." He took her hand in both of his. "I just want to spend time with you."

She pulled her hand away as gently as possible. "I'm sorry. I need some space to think. You need to go. I'm not upset with you, I'm glad you're opening up to me, but I don't know if we can go back to just being friends, and I'm not available for a relationship with you. So where does that leave us?"

Colin sighed and turned for the door. "Okay. I'll go. Just…promise me you're really going to think about what I said? I know you said you're with someone, but it's you and me, Pen. Can you just turn your back on us like that?"

"You did," Pen responded without emotion. She stood still in the middle of the room until he got the hint and left. As soon as the door shut behind him she collapsed down on the futon, shaking and fighting for breath. She had no doubts about her decision to be with Anthony over Colin, but that didn't make it any easier to close the door on the future she'd always imagined for herself.

As hard as it was to handle these conflicting emotions by herself, she was glad Anthony wasn't there to witness it. He would undoubtedly jump to the wrong conclusion and assume she was sorry for turning Colin away, when nothing could be further from the truth.

That night she texted Anthony that she had a migraine and wasn't up to a video call.

A couple of days later, Colin called her. She was tempted to let it go to voicemail but her better angels won out and she picked up.

"Hi, Colin."

"Pen, hey. I'm sorry to bother you, I know you said you wanted space, but I'm due at the airport in a couple hours and El just bailed on me as my ride. Can you drive me?"

"Airport?" Pen asked.

"Yeah. I have an assignment in New Zealand that just came up. I couldn't pass it up."

"So I guess you changed your mind about staying put for a while?" She shouldn't have felt as betrayed as she did. After all, she truthfully told him they weren't going to happen, but would he still be leaving even if she'd taken him up on his offer?

"It's too good to say no to, Pen. Anyway, can you give me a lift? A ride-share will take too long to get here."

She sighed. "Sure," she said against her better judgement.

Twenty minutes later she was in her jeep parked outside Colin's townhouse. He came out within seconds, carrying a large military-style duffle bag and a leather satchel over his shoulder. She motioned for him to throw his gear in the back, which he did before climbing in the passenger seat.

"Thanks for this, Pen. I owe you."

"No problem," she answered absently as she pulled out into traffic. "I'm just happy I could help in your hour of need."

"You've always been good at saving my ass. Glad to know some things never change."

The conversation between them faded as they made their way to the airport. The closer they got to it, the more irritated Pen became.

"So when you said you were done traveling, did you really mean it, or were you just telling me what you thought I wanted to hear?" Her directness surprised even her.

"I…I meant it," he said, not sounding sure of his answer. "I told you, this was too good an opportunity to pass up. After this, I'm done."

"If I'd said yes to you the other day, would you still be leaving the country?" She had to know.

"Honestly? I'm not sure. I probably would have asked your in put before agreeing at least."

Pen nodded and let the subject drop. Pulling up to the drop-off zone, she put the car in park.

"Can you get out and give me a proper goodbye?" he asked quietly. Feeling guilty for bringing him down right before he had to leave town, Pen agreed and got out of the car, going around to the passenger side.

"I know I screwed everything up," Colin began, "but I hope when I come back we can try to fix things. Maybe while I'm away you can think about everything we talked about. The future we could have."

Colin put a hand on her cheek, making her tense up immediately. Then he glanced over her shoulder for a second before pulling her into a rough kiss. Pen yelped in surprise before pushing him away with her hands on his chest.

"Colin! What the hell was that?" Overcome with rage, at him and at herself for falling for his bullshit yet again, she slapped him across the face. "I told you, I'm with someone. That doesn't mean try harder, that means I'm not available to you. I love him. You're never going to love anyone but yourself."

Turning on her heel to leave, Pen ran smack into a broad, muscular chest. A familiar set of hands stabilized her before she could fall backwards. Anthony.

Chapter 16: The Impression That I Get

Summary:

Have you ever been close to tragedy

Or been close to folks who have?

Have you ever felt a pain so powerful

So heavy you collapse

Pen and Anthony deal with the aftermath of Colin's actions, and try to find their normal again after being apart for a week. Anthony asks Pen about birthday plans.

Chapter Text

Pen's eyes went wide when she looked up at him.

"Anthony! I…He…" She floundered for the right words for a moment before collapsing into his chest. Whatever rage Anthony was feeling at that moment had to be put out of his mind as he comforted Penelope. He hoped that wherever Colin was at that moment—he'd disappeared into the airport as soon as Pen turned her back—his little brother was thanking his lucky stars. If Pen hadn't looked like she was about ready to shatter in front of him he'd have chased Colin down and made him regret ever looking at her.

They stood in the middle of the drop-off zone for several minutes while Pen clung to him and cried silently. All Anthony could do was wrap her in his arms and make sure she felt safe. He'd spent the last nine hours on a plan imagining how his reunion with Penelope would go, and this hadn't been anywhere on his list of possibilities. He'd imagined a passionate embrace followed by several hours in bed reacquainting themselves with every inch of each other's bodies. Instead he watched as his little brother blatantly attempted to sabotage his own relationship.

Suspicion had started to grow after Siena's surprise appearance at his apartment several weeks back. The timing could not have been a coincidence. While he'd agreed with Pen that El was not the type to arrange that kind of duplicity, he knew someone had to have contacted Siena, but who else knew about them?

After what he'd just seen outside the airport, Anthony was now absolutely certain that Colin was behind it all. What he still couldn't figure out was why? It seemed like a lot of work and mental labor just to…to what? Screw over Anthony? Make sure Pen stayed single and available to stroke his ever-expanding ego?

"What are you doing here?" Pen asked in a very small voice, snapping him out of his dark thoughts.

"Surprise," he said simply with an attempt at a smile. "I finished up everything that had to be done in-person in London, and told them I would finish the rest remotely. I wanted to get home to you."

She finally straightened herself up and looked up at him. "I'm so glad you're back."

He could feel his anger beginning to fade as he saw how relieved she was to see him.

"That's a relief," he said softly, stroking her cheek with one finger. "I was beginning to wonder."

"It wasn't what it looked like," Pen said, getting herself worked up all over again. "He just grabbed me out of nowhere. I didn't want him to. I told him—"

He shushed her and pulled her close again, rubbing her back slowly. "I know. I heard everything you said. It's okay."

"I can't believe how stupid I am. I fell for his act again. He got in my head even though I know better now. God, I'm an idiot."

"Shh, it's okay. He can be very persuasive when he wants to be." Once again Anthony wanted to run inside and hunt his brother down like the dog he was.

"I just don't understand. He's never grabbed me like that before, or any woman that I know of. He's never been rough with women."

"He knew about us. He saw me and knew that I saw the two of you talking, so he took his shot." The brothers had made clear eye contact a second before Colin forced Pen into that kiss.

Pen leaned back again. "He knew? How?"

"My guess is Eloise. He knows she has a soft spot for him so he probably leaned on her and pulled it out of her." Anthony was annoyed with his sister, but couldn't blame her. Until very recently, the last few days as a matter of fact, Anthony himself hadn't realized what a manipulative bastard Colin was. Self-involved? Sure. Cocky? Definitely. But Anthony never thought him capable of being outright diabolical.

"Why wouldn't she have told me?" Pen looked wounded, betrayed by another friend.

"She may not even realize she said anything to him about it. You know how she just talks without thinking. My guess is she let a couple of details slip and he put the rest together. He may be a bastard but he's not dumb."

"How could I have been so wrong about him?" she asked, clearly still digesting everything.

"A lot of people fall for his act. Myself included."

He knew he shouldn't ask the next question. It would only lead to more problems and doubts, but he had to know.

"Pen, I need to ask this. I'm not going to be upset with you however you answer. Before today, while I was gone, did anything happen between you?" He tried to keep his tone netural even though an answer in the affirmative would crush him.

"No!" she answered right away, and he relaxed a little. "He tried a couple times but I always said no. I told him I was seeing someone, I thought that would stop him. Apparently he just viewed it as a challenge. I swear, Anthony, nothing happened between us."

"Okay, okay," he said softly. Poor Pen looked like she was about to crumble. "I believe you. Why don't I take you home?"

Exhausted from the events of the day, Pen nodded and let him load her into the passenger seat of her jeep before loading his bag in the trunk and getting in the driver's side. They held hands across the center console during the drive. Anthony didn't want to disturb Pen, who seemed to be lost in deep thought, so he drove in silence. As he pulled up in front of her apartment building, she seemed to wake up.

"Why are we here?" she asked. Her confusion was confusing for him. Hadn't they had this discussion?

"I thought you wanted to go home," Anthony reminded her.

For the first time since they left the airport, Pen looked at him. "My home is with you."

If he'd had any lingering doubts about her feelings for him after the last week, they vanished immediately when he heard the depth of feeling in that statement.

"Of course, I'm sorry. I didn't want to assume."

Pen gave his hand a squeeze. "Anthony, let's go home."

As desperate as Pen was to feel Anthony move against and inside her again, after the incident at the airport she couldn't imagine that happening. She was drained, physically and emotionally. When Anthony had pulled up outside the apartment she shared with Eloise, she'd been filled with dread. She imagined him jumping out of the car, grabbing his luggage, and declaring he never wanted to see her again—and could she blame him? No.

The complete and total trust he had in her had rocked her to her core. He saw her kissing another man, a man he knew she'd had feelings for until very recently, and yet his anger was focused entirely on Colin. Most me, she assumed, would have laid at least some of the blame at her feet, and maybe some belonged there. But he trusted her, as she'd trusted him after the Siena incident.

When they reached Anthony's apartment, she felt her world right itself just a little bit more. Everything looked just as she'd left it over a week ago. By tacit agreement they both made their way to the bedroom. Anthony looked as tired as she felt, and she reminded herself he'd just flown halfway around the world. Of course he was exhausted.

They each undressed on their own side of the bed, both stripping down to their underwear, and climbed into bed. Pen removed her bra as well, needing to feel his skin against hers. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist while he hugged her close.

"I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you, too," he answered, sounding half-asleep already.

Pen woke up first the next morning. Neither she or Anthony had moved the entire night so she woke up still wrapped safely in his arms. In the light of the new day things looked much less dire. What hadn't settled down was her desire to feel Anthony against her. She shifted up to nibble at his earlobe as the hand she'd had on his waist moved down under the waistband of his boxers. This morning was going to be the reunion they should have had.

It didn't take long before she felt Anthony wake up. The hand resting on her hip shifted down to cup her rear end, pushing her harder against him. She smiled as she moved down to bite his neck while also pulling down the waistband of his boxers to free his hard cock. Anthony groaned and, in one smooth motion, rolled so she was under him and her legs were trapped between is. He kissed her neck and worked his way down, being very thorough in his exploration of her body.

Hours later, when their hunger for breakfast finally became more insistent than their hunger for each other, they made their way out of the bedroom. Without discussing it, they both knew they would have to return to the Colin conversation, but for now they were just happy to be back together.

They ordered breakfast to be delivered, then cuddled on the sofa while they waited for it to arrive.

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" Anthony asked, surprising Pen.

"How did you—Eloise." Of course.

"Yes. She texted me about it because she assumed you wouldn't mention anything yourself."

Damn her friend for knowing her so well. He laughed when he saw her frown.

"So my sister was right. I thought so. What do you want to do?"

"I really don't want any big deal. As long as we're together, I'm happy." She nestled into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Would you be alright with a family dinner at my mother's house?"

She thought about that for a minute. The idea of being surrounded by his warm, welcoming family wasn't the worst idea. "I'd actually love that."

"It'll be the perfect time to tell everyone about us. I'll have Eloise suggest it to our mother. She won't question it if it comes from El."

"I'll be so happy once everyone knows. But it's been nice to have it stay just between us for a while." She paused in thought. "Do you think they'll be okay with it?"

Anthony hugged her close to him. "I feel like they will, but I honestly don't care. Nothing they could say will change the way I feel about you." He kissed her temple. "I don't think you have reason to worry, though. My mother already thinks of you as another daughter."

The idea made Pen smile. "I hope she's happy for us. I couldn't stand it if she were disappointed or upset."

"She will be thrilled," he assured her. "I'll call Eloise later and we'll have a dinner for you this weekend."

She was both excited and terrified to be among his family and tell them that she and Anthony were together. She'd always gotten along with them and had no reason to think they would react poorly, but Eloise's reaction at first wasn't the most promising. The last thing she ever wanted to do was drive a wedge between Anthony and his family.

Chapter 17: Miss Independent

Summary:

What is the feelin' takin' over?

Thinkin' no one could open my door

Surprise, It's time

To feel what's real

What happened to Miss Independent?

No more the need to be defensive

Goodbye, old you

When love is true

Anthony makes Pen an unexpected offer to help her achieve her dreams as they begin to mesh households together.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After they ate breakfast, Anthony was busy on his phone again.

"What are you doing?" Pen asked. "Another work emergency?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm making arrangements to get your things moved over here. We've already had to push our plans back over a week."

She smiled, relieved he was still eager to move in together.

"Sounds good. Think we'll be able to get it done by the weekend?"

"They're going to be at your apartment in 2 hours and everything will be settled in here by dinner." He sounded completely unbothered by the speed of everything.

"Two hours?!" she shrieked. "I need to go pack up my stuff. That's not enough time!"

As she began to get up from the couch, he pulled her back down. "They will pack everything for you. You don't have to do anything but tell them where to put things when they get here."

"I still need to go back and get my laptop. There's some work I need to get done." Her job felt so silly when compared to Anthony running a multi-million dollar company.

"Could you use one of mine?" he asked, ever the problem-solver.

"Yeah, most of what I need is on my email. Thanks." She nestled back into his side, happy she had no real reason to leave.

Anthony paused a moment, debating with himself. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course. Anything." Pen assumed he was going to ask her something about Colin, so his question surprised her.

"Why do you work as a researcher? Is that really what you want to do for your career? It seems so far beneath your incredible writing skills."

His absolute faith in her talent touched her deeply.

"To put it simply, it's the job that was available and it's in the vicinity of journalism. Of course I want to write my own stuff instead of checking other people's, but we all have to start somewhere. I'll work my way up eventually."

"You've been there for two years, haven't you?" he prodded.

"Well, one of those years was my internship, but yes." She didn't feel like an internship counted.

"They've known you for two years. They should have seen by now what an amazing writer you are." He sounded offended on her behalf.

"I guess. The idea was that this job would give me free time to write a novel, which is my dream, but it hasn't quite worked out that way. There never seem to be enough hours in the day."

"So quit. Devote yourself full-time to your writing." He voiced the idea as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I can't just quit. I need to make money somehow."

Anthony turned her to look at him. "Pen, let me take care of you. You're always looking out for everyone else, always the responsible one who does what needs to be done instead of what you really want to do. Give yourself a break and let me treat you."

The idea had definite appeal, but Pen couldn't quite wrap her head around the idea. "And be, what? A kept woman? I can't just mooch off you."

"Artists have sponsors all the time that fund their work so they can focus on the creative process. This is the same thing. Give yourself the time you need to clear your mind, refocus your goals, and write that novel. Say, six months. If after six months you want to go back to work, I'll help you find a job that's worthy of your talent."

Everything he said sounded reasonable. Who wouldn't love to have all their bills covered so they could work on their passion project? But it felt too easy. Didn't it put her at his mercy? If she quit, and things didn't work out with Anthony, she would be out on the street without a dollar to her name. Of course she knew he would never kick her out like that even if they broke up—a thought that made her sick to even contemplate—but it was the reality of the situation.

"Let me think about it," she finally said. "I love you for giving me the opportunity to do that, but I just feel strange about not having my own money, depending on someone else to support me."

He pondered her thoughts for a moment. "I understand. It's scary to depend on someone else to get by. I respect you for not wanting a free ride. Whatever you decide, I'll respect it. I love you and I want you to be able to achieve everything you want in life, whether it's the way I think it should be done or not." He smirked to himself. "I don't know if you've heard, but I have a reputation for being a bit of a control freak. I'm sorry if I overstepped."

"No, not at all. I'm very touched you have so much faith in me." She kissed him softly. "Thank you. I promise I'll really think about it."

Their conversation shifted to other more ordinary topics. Anthony had to excuse himself at one point to do some work for the London deal, and Pen kept herself busy figuring out where her possessions would fit in the penthouse. Her more bohemian, eclectic style didn't fit at all with all the white and clean lines of his décor. She hoped it wasn't a bad omen for their compatibility with each other.

Anthony came out of his office and saw her frowning at his white boucle sofa.

"What did my sofa do to you?" he asked with amusement in his voice.

She startled, not hearing him come in. "Oh, nothing. I just am trying to imagine any of my stuff in here. I don't think I own a single thing that's white, and that's the only color in here. My stuff doesn't belong here."

He could tell from her tone she wasn't just talking about fitting her belongings.

"Pen, my mother and some tight-ass designer picked everything in this place. I didn't care so I just let them go nuts. I give you the same offer. Toss every scrap of furniture and paint every wall if you want to. I don't care. I just want you to feel comfortable here."

She stared at him in disbelief. "You can't possibly mean that. There must be tens of thousands of dollars worth of furniture in here. I can't just get rid of it because it's not my taste."

"I promise everything you get rid of will find a good home. Nothing will be wasted unnecessarily." He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "I can't wait to see what you do with the place. I've never really felt settled here; it's just the place I go after work to sleep, eat, and usually work some more. Since you came into my life, it's started to feel like a real home. That has nothing to do with the furniture or art on the walls. It's because of who's in it."

Pen turned in his arms and looped her arms around his neck. "How do you always know exactly the right thing to say to make me feel better?"

"Four sisters," he said simply, making them both laugh.

Pen stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. "Thank you."

Soon after their conversation, Anthony got a text confirming the movers were at Pen and Eloise's apartment. A couple of hours after that, the movers unloaded everything, less than a small moving truck's worth of boxes, and Pen unpacked the most necessary items, sticking the other boxes in the spare bedroom.

That evening, as Pen sat on the bed, using Anthony's spare laptop to get some work done, she thought about his offer. The vehemently independent woman in her recoiled at the idea of having no way of bringing in her own money. But there was another part of her, equally powerful in her heart, that enjoyed the idea of being a stay-at-home…girlfriend? She'd always looked down on women without an occupation who just fussed with their homes all day and had no goals of their own, so why was she even considering such a thing now?

The time would give her a chance to focus on her writing, as Anthony had pointed out, but was she just making up excuses? What would she do with herself when she wasn't writing? It wasn't as if she had children to keep her occupied or events to organize. Was she only fighting the idea because her own mother seemed so unhappy in the stay-at-home mother role? Then she thought of Violet, Anthony's mother. She raised eight children and seemed to have found genuine joy and purpose in the endeavor. That was her occupation, and Pen had never looked down on her for it for even a second. So what did she really want? She had to filter out what she was afraid others would think and examine her own thoughts on the idea.

Notes:

Just a little transitional chapter! The next chapter will be the party.

What do you think, should Pen take Anthony up on his offer? (really I'm just tired of writing her job into her day-to-day stuff XD)

Chapter 18: You and I

Summary:

Well, you might be a bit confused

And you might be a little bit bruised

But, baby, how we spoon like no one else

So I will help you read those books

If you will soothe my worried looks

And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Pen's birthday party arrives and things don't go at all as she expected. Anthony and Ben have a heartfelt talk.

Notes:

This was difficult for me to write and I'm still not totally happy with it. I might rewrite it later. Let me know what you think!

Chapter Text

The day of Penelope's birthday party came, and she was unexpectedly nervous. She'd been with the Bridgertons dozens of times, but only as Eloise's friend. Never as a significant other. Of course she'd always hoped that she would achieve that with Colin someday, but life had other plans. Would they accept her with Anthony? No one had ever said anything to her outright but she was fairly sure her feelings for Colin were common knowledge in that family. How would she explain the fact those feelings were gone, replaced by something so much deeper with Anthony?

The only thing keeping her from having a complete nervous breakdown was that Colin was in New Zealand, so he wouldn't make another unexpected appearance and make things awkward for everyone.

Her heart clenched at the thought of Colin, not of him personally but of how much of her life he had occupied until now. She orbited him like he was her personal sun, pulled in by the gravity of his charming smiles and empty promises, unable to deviate from her path and get away.

And now she was adrift in space. It was exciting and terrifying all at once. Her relationship with Anthony wasn't like that. Her life didn't revolve around him, rather they traveled together, drifting along in parallel on an unknown path.

"Almost ready?" Anthony said from behind her, startling her out of her thoughts.

"Oh! You scared me." Pen had been standing in front of the full-length mirror in the huge walk-in closet, assessing her outfit. For the occasion she'd chosen a pale blue chambray dress that was fitted to her waist before flaring out into a full skirt. It was sleeveless with a sweetheart necklace and buttoned down the front with buttons in the shape of strawberries. A thin red belt accentuated her waist. Simple red sandals and a strawberry pendant necklace completed her outfit. It was one of the few figure-flattering garment she'd purchased for herself, simply because she thought it was so fun and whimsical.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you." Anthony walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You look beautiful." She could have basked in the warm glow of his smile forever.

"I guess we should get going," Pen commented, unable to suppress a sigh.

He laughed. "Is my family really that bad?"

"No!" she quickly assured him. "I think they're wonderful. I'm just…I'm worried how they'll receive Penelope, girlfriend of Anthony rather than Penelope, friend of Eloise. Especially since Frannie and Ben are going to be there too. I don't know them as well as the rest of you."

Anthony turned her to face him and brushed a stray curl off her face. "They're going to be excited. If there is any backlash, it'll be directed at me, not at you. Trust me."

Her anxiety somewhat eased, Pen leaned her forehead on his chest and took a deep breath. "Alright then, I guess we better go. I can't be late to my own party."

They held hands all the way down the elevator and to the car, and again on the drive over. Anthony kept the conversation light and easy, trying to distract her from her worries. Nevertheless, her thoughts drifted to his offer to support her while she worked on her novel. She still hadn't given him an answer, and he kindly hadn't pushed the matter. Every time she thought of accepting, she worried about what would happen if things went bad between them. She had no reason to expect it to, and she knew Anthony wouldn't throw her out without a job or place to live, but she couldn't shake the voice in her mind telling her it was stupid to entrust her livelihood to another person.

Before she realized where they were, they pulled up into the long circular drive of Bridgerton House, as she'd always referred to it in her head. During fancy parties, they had valets take their guests cars from the drive and park them on the huge front lawn. She'd been around for a few in high school, holed up in El's room working on a project or just hiding from her own family.

Tonight was informal, as she much preferred. Anthony parked along the gravel drive and rounded the car to open her door.

"Madam, may I escort you to your party?" he asked, extending a hand out to her in his most gallant manner.

Pen laughed and let him help her out of the car. "Why thank you, Mr. Bridgerton."

He took her hand again and laced their fingers together as they walked in the front door. Mrs. Manning greeted them warmly.

"Happy birthday, Penelope!" The older woman said with a bright smile.

Pen was touched. "Thank you."

"Everyone's in the den," Mrs. Manning told them, gesturing down the hall. "Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes."

With that, she was off to tend to the meal.

Suddenly nervous all over again, Pen smoothed her hands down the front of her dress and took a slow, deep breath.

"It's going to be fine," Anthony said softly, bring her hand to his lips to kiss her knuckles. "They already love you."

Pen just stared ahead and nodded, not at all convinced.

They walked together down the short hallway, stopping just outside the door to the den.

"Would you be more comfortable if we went in separately?" he asked quietly. "We don't have to tell them about us right away."

"No," Pen said, looking up at him. "I don't want us to be a secret from them anymore."

His face relaxed, obviously relieved that she wanted to be open with them. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he walked ahead of her, pulling her behind him.

Everyone jumped to their feet when she walked in a cheered "Happy birthday!"

She looked around at all the smiling faces and felt herself getting emotional. They were all here just for her, to celebrate with her. Even the two she knew the least, Ben and Frannie. It was all so much more than she ever could have expected. Even her own family had never treated her birthday as more than a formality.

"Thank you all so much," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm so touched that you all came." She turned her attention to Violet, seated on the sofa in between her youngest children. "And Violet, I can't thank you enough for planning this evening. It's beyond generous—"

As she was about to finish thanking their hostess for the evening, her eyes fell on a new item in the corner by the baby grand piano. On a stand next to it was a beautiful, shining cello. To her knowledge, none of the Bridgertons played cello.

Seeing her distraction, everyone turned to follow her gaze, then back at her with excited grins on their faces.

Pen looked up at Anthony. "Is that…"

"For you, yes." His eyes sparkled in his excitement to give her her present. "Happy birthday."

"Why are you guys looking at each other like that?" Hyacinth broke in, interrupting their moment.

Anthony seemed to remember what the plan was and cleared is throat. "Well, in addition to it being Pen's birthday party, we wanted to use this chance—"

"We?" Violet cut in with barely-contained glee.

"Yes, mother. We, Pen and I, are together. We have been for over a month now, and she moved into my place earlier this week."

Violet looked stunned at the onslaught of new information. To her credit, her expression faltered for only a moment before she got up and enveloped them both in a warm embrace.

"I'm so happy for both of you!" she said, and Pen saw tears misting her eyes.

Ben handed Anthony a drink. "You realize she's way out of your league," he teased his brother.

"I'm fully aware," Anthony responded with a smile. "Luckily she hasn't figured it out yet and still lets me hang around."

Turning his attention to Pen, Ben said, "I'm happy for you guys. But you can do way better than my brother. You know that, right?"

She just laughed. As if there were any better man out there than Anthony. Of course she knew Ben was just joking around. He was fiercely protective of his family, but covered it up with jokes and light-hearted ribbing as often as possible.

Frannie, the most reserved of the siblings, simply smiled at her from across the room as her way of signaling her approval of the match. Hyacinth and Greg immediately flanked Pen, both of them asking questions at once. Violet finally steered them back to their seats.

"Penelope," Violet said, interrupting the other conversations happening. "Why don't you take a look at your birthday present? Eloise tells me you are quite an accomplished musician. Maybe you could play something for us before dinner?"

Pen's face went red immediately. She hadn't played in years. What if she forgot how?

"Only if you want to, of course," the older woman said, sensing her trepidation. "I'm eager to hear you play but I know it's asking a lot to expect a performance on the spot."

"No, it's okay," Pen said, nodding to herself. It wasn't as if this were a room full of music critics. It was El and Anthony's family. "I…I could probably play something…"

"What about that one you used to play all the time in school?" Eloise suggested. "Something…amour?"

"Salut D'Amour," Pen corrected automatically. "It's really better with the accompaniment."

"I think I have the music," Frannie chimed in, surprising the whole room. "I accompanied some kids at a strings competition last year and I'm pretty sure that was one of the pieces. Who's it by?" She was already heading for the huge 3-ring binder that held her accompaniment music she'd done over the years.

"Elgar." Was this real? Frannie just happened to have the music to one of her favorite pieces to play half a decade ago?

Anthony put his hand on her back. "You don't have to do this," he assured her quietly. "No one's going to be disappointed if you change your mind."

"I want to," she said, surprised to find that she meant it. "I've missed playing."

"Found it!" Frannie announced a moment later, setting the binder on the stand on the piano. "I'll do my best not to mess up and throw you off."

"I'll throw myself off, don't worry."

"I'm excited. Nobody else lets me accompany them. Colin will sometimes let me play while he sings, but he's off to parts unknown again."

Pen thought she saw Eloise wince out of the corner of her eye. El had been keeping her distance lately, and Pen wasn't sure why. She turned her attention to the cello. It really was a beautiful instrument. Much nicer than the one she'd grown up playing—even without the needed repairs. Anthony had done his research, of course, and got her the top of the line. It really was too much.

"Ready?" Frannie asked, seated at the piano.

Pen sat on the chair that had been conveniently placed next to the cello, and situated the instrument between her legs. It felt strangely comforting. As a teenager she used to practice for hours to drown out her parents' fighting or own racing thoughts.

Giving Frannie a nod, the opening chords started. Her body remembered every note, every stroke of the bow, even if her brain had forgotten some of it. Muscle memory was truly a remarkable thing. After the first dozen bars, Pen forgot she had an audience and played from her heart for herself.

When the piece ended, everyone applauded, but the only one whose reaction Pen sought out was Anthony, who was looking at her with so much love and pride she could feel the warmth of it across the room, and she beamed right back at him.

Mrs. Manning came in a moment later and announced dinner, and the party moved to the dining room.

Violet sat at the head of the table, with Anthony to her right and Pen next to him. The rest of his siblings filled in around the table.

"You were wonderful," Anthony said in her ear. "I loved getting to see you play."

"Thank you. I guess it's like riding a bike. You never forget how."

The meal, roast chicken with diced potatoes and honey-glazed carrots, was served around the table as conversations picked up between siblings. Violet was engaged in conversation with Ben, who was across from Anthony, and Frannie and El were next to him exchanging poli-sci class horror stories. Pen looked around at the full and lively table and felt, maybe for the first time in her life, like she really belonged.

"I have to admit," Anthony continued in her ear, "Seeing the way you held that instrument between your legs gave me some…less than polite thoughts."

"Mmm, such as?"

"We'll discuss it later. I'd rather not get—excited, shall we say—in front of my mother."

She bit back a smile as she reached for her wine. "I can't wait to hear."

After dinner, the party moved out to the back patio that was illuminated by hundreds of fairy lights draped across the pergola above them. Beyond the patio, the pool lights lit the water from below. The whole scene felt a little magical.

Before she could go outside, El grabbed her arm, startling her.

"Hey, can we talk?" El asked, looking more frazzled than Pen could ever recall seeing her.

Pen motioned to Anthony to go on without her and let El lead her into the library.

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am," El explained.

"Sorry for what?"

"Anthony told me a little about what happened with Colin—not details, but enough to know that he's being a dick. And I kind of think that's my fault."

Maybe Anthony's theory was right after all. "Your fault how?"

"I may have accidentally let it slip that you and Anthony were together to Colin. He was talking to me about how he felt like you'd changed and he wanted to know how to fix things and I told him you didn't need him anymore because you had Anthony…" She trailed off.

"You…why?" Pen staggered at the impact of El's betrayal. "We asked you not to tell anyone, and you tell the ONE person I…What the hell, Eloise?!"

She almost never used El's full name and it didn't escape her friend's notice.

"I'm sorry! I had no idea he was going to go all caveman about it. Plus it just kind of slipped out. I was trying to slap some sense into him about how bad he fucked everything up with you, and I just ended up making things worse."

"I don't need you to talk for me to your brother—either of them. Colin made his choices and I've made mine, and you don't need to get in the middle. I'd prefer you didn't, in fact."

El nodded so hard Pen wondered if her head was going to fly off.

"Understood. I'll never get involved again, I have learned my lesson."

Outside, while Pen and El were having their discussion, Anthony and Ben sat around the gas-powered fire pit, each sipping on a beer.

"So…Penelope Featherington," Ben hedged.

"Yes," Anthony replied, clenching his jaw. His brother was gearing up to something, he just had to wait it out.

"I think I'm stating the obvious when I saw it was a surprise."

"For me too," Anthony said. Ben chuckled.

"She's…I mean, I always thought her interests lay in a different direction." Ben was about as subtle as a brick wall. He was asking about her feelings for Colin.

"They did. Now they don't." Anthony stared straight into the flames, afraid if he looked at his brother he'd react rashly.

"And you're sure about that?"

"Yes." Did he have the odd moment of doubt and wonder if Pen was being honest with him about her feelings for Colin? Sure. Did he secretly wonder if every text she received was from him? Yes. But she had assured him her heart belonged to Anthony and she'd given him no reason to doubt her.

Realizing that was as much answer as he was going to get, Ben nodded and drank from his beer. "She's a sweet kid, always has been."

"She's an incredible woman," Anthony corrected. "Stop making me sound like a predator."

"I didn't mean it like that." Ben held up his hands in a sign of peace. "I just thought you preferred women closer to your own age and, you know, experience level."

He was assuming Anthony had taken Pen's virginity. Anthony was offended on his and Pen's behalf for Ben jumping to the conclusion that because Colin had never given her a second thought, no man would.

"Her experience level is none of your business. I know she comes off as innocent, but she's wiser than anyone gives her credit for." Anthony didn't like where this conversation was going. "Are you trying to tell me you disapprove?"

Ben laughed. "Would it make a difference if I did? I think she's great, we've all known her forever, but I'm just saying you guys are very different and I'm wondering if you've taken all that into account before you asked her to live with you."

Anthony leaned back. "I know exactly who she is. She's always been open and honest with me. I hope you take the time to get to know her too, Ben, because in about a month I'm going to ask her to marry me."

He had the satisfaction of hearing Ben choke on his drink. Anthony hadn't told anyone his plans yet, his brother was the first to know. Earlier in the evening he'd asked his mother for the engagement ring his father had given her, and she immediately agreed. She would bring it to his office later in the week so Pen wouldn't find it by accident.

"Hey," Ben began as soon as he could breathe again. "If you're happy, I'm happy for you. You can't blame a guy for wanting to look out for his brother."

Anthony nodded. "I know. Thanks for that."

A long silence extended between them before Ben spoke again. "How, uh, have you talked to Colin about this at all?"

"He's made his feelings very well known," Anthony said with a stony expression. "Suffice it to say he was less than supportive."

"I'm not surprised. When we were kids and he got that new video game system for Christmas, he had no interest in it—until I wanted to use it. But you know what they say; one man's trash—"

"Do NOT call her trash," Anthony snapped, his temper boiling on the edge in a second.

"That's not what I meant, sorry, poor choice of words." Ben went into peacekeeper mode right away. "I just meant that if he can't appreciate what he has, or had, I'm glad you can."

Reluctantly Anthony agreed. "His loss is definitely my gain. For a moment Anthony debated if he should say anything further on the subject, but he didn't feel like there was anyone else he could confide in and he trusted Ben to keep their talk to himself. "I don't care how he treats me for dating Pen, but it's killing her inside. He's causing her pain and I want to kick his ass for it."

Ben blinked, taken aback by his older brother's honesty. "I thought you said she was over him?"

"She's over him romantically. But he was one of her closest friends for years and how he's turning against her. I'm not stupid enough to think he'll ever be fully out of her system, no matter how much of an ass he's being."

"Wow, I don't know that I could be so calm about it in your shoes."

"I'm not always," Anthony confessed. "There are times I struggle with it, but I'm not going to let those moments rob us of all the good we have together."

Ben glanced over his shoulder. "The girls are back. I really am happy for you guys, and let me know if you need an accomplice for the big event." Having said his piece, Ben vacated his chair so Pen could sit next to his brother, which she did.

"Everything okay?" Anthony asked her. Even in the fading daylight he could see the tension in her eyes.

"Yeah. You were right about Eloise telling Colin about us." Her voice sounded strained.

He reached over and rested a hand on her leg. "Are you okay?"

"I think so. She feels terrible about it, and she couldn't have known how he would react."

"Typical El. Talk first, think never." He scoffed in disgust. He loved all his siblings but El had always been his greatest challenge. Her up-front conversational approach and no-bullshit attitude were so different from his more reserved, thoughtful way of navigating the world that he had trouble relating to her more often than not.

"It's part of her charm," Pen said with a sad smile. "I'll get over it, but I can tell you I'm not trusting her with any secrets again anytime soon."

He rubbed her leg gently. "I'm glad it's all out in the open now. Hopefully this will teach her to think before she speaks next time." Pen just nodded in response.

Chapter 19: Gravity

Summary:

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

No matter what I say or do

I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone

Pen and Anthony enjoy some quiet time at the house at the end of her birthday party. A text message throws a wrench into an otherwise lovely evening.

Notes:

I'm back! I didn't forget about this story, I promise! I've been feeling under the weather the last few days.

I'm thinking this story is closing in on the end. I'm not quite sure where to go from here but I will figure it out. As always, please let me know what you think and what you'd like to see happen next!

Chapter Text

Gradually over the rest of the evening, Anthony's family drifted away, some to their beds at the house, some back to their own homes and apartments. Finally Pen and Anthony were alone, sitting by the fire, holding hands.

Pen had been terrified of this night, but everything had gone so much better than she could have expected. Everyone in the Bridgerton family had been as warm and welcoming as always. Why did she expect them to be otherwise? The old voice of self-doubt, telling her that the family would think she wasn't good enough for Anthony, even though they felt she was fine to be Eloise's friend.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Anthony asked as he ran his thumb over her knuckles. Even that simple contact kicked her pulse up a notch.

"Just thinking of how well tonight went. Thank you for organizing this. It was my best birthday ever."

"I'm both honored and a little sad that no one has put in effort for your birthday before today." She could hear genuine sympathy in his voice, tinged with anger.

"I never made a big deal of it, so it's as much my fault as anyone else's." She shrugged. Her mother and sisters were the ones for grand gestures and dramatics, so Pen was usually happy to keep things low-key.

"Even still…I'm offended for you. Your family should be the first ones to celebrate you, not the last." His scowl made her laugh.

"You're sweet, but I promise it's never bothered me. My mom always insisted the world stop for her birthday and everyone go crazy for some outrageous party. That's not me. I'm very happy to spend a quiet day with the people I care about. No parade necessary."

Gradually his expression eased. "IF you're okay with it I guess I can't argue. But I'm glad I could make today special."

"It was perfect." She stared into the flames in silence for a moment. Seeing how much he cared about her well-being tonight, how determined he was for her to be heard, she finally came to a decision.

"Anthony?" she finally asked

"Hmm?" he hummed, still rubbing her knuckles as he watched the fire.

"I decided I want to take you up on your offer. I'll quit my job and focus on my writing full-time—if you're still offering, of course. I know we haven't talked about it in a few days…"

When he looked at her, his beaming smile made her feel like she'd just won the lottery.

"Of course I'm still offering! I'm glad you decided to take the time to work toward your dreams." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Thank you for trusting me enough to take this chance."

"You're the one taking the chance on me. I promise I won't waste this chance."

"I'm not worried about that at all," Anthony said, shrugging off her comment. "You're extremely dedicated and a hard worker. I know you'll make the most of the time."

Pen was just about to suggest a nighttime swim in the pool when her phone vibrated. Assuming it was her mother or one of her sisters finally remembering what day it was, she pulled her phone out and opened the text. Only it wasn't from her mother. It was from Colin.

Happy birthday, Beautiful.

His flippant message, flirting and acting as if nothing had happened between them, pissed her off. The little excited thrill in her heart at the sight of his text pissed her off even more. Her brain was over Colin, and didn't care if she ever saw him again. Why didn't her heart get the message yet?

Sighing in disgust, she tossed her phone on the table next to her.

"Bad news?" Anthony asked, startling her. For just a second she'd forgotten he was there.

"Huh? Oh, no. Nothing." She tried to keep her expression neutral.

"Penelope, you're a terrible liar. Was it from Colin?" His usually patient tone adopted an edge.

She nodded, ashamed.

"Why did you try to hide it from me?" The sharpness of his question made her finally look at him. Even in the low light from the fire, she could see his stormy expression. The ease between them just a moment ago was gone.

"I…I don't know. I didn't want to upset you after what happened at the airport." It sounded lame even to her.

"Are you not upset?"

"I am," she assured him. "He has a lot of nerve texting me like that after what he tried to do to us. He never even apologized. He's just disrupting my birthday, acting like nothing ever happened."

The more she talked, the more enraged she became. They were having a perfectly wonderful evening, and now it was all shot to hell.

"That's his way," Anthony said with a sigh. "He just thinks if he stays out of the way long enough, everyone will forget whatever crap he pulled and move on. Usually, it works."

"It's not working on me. I wish he'd just go away."

"I think we both need to accept that, whether we like it or not, he's always going to be a part of you. He was your first love and he's been your friend for a long time. You can't just cut out a piece of your life like that."

Pen pondered his words for a moment. Deep down, she knew he was right. Colin would always be a part of her, a piece of her history. Denying it was only going to cause further issues with Anthony.

Getting up from her chair, she moved over to Anthony's chair and perched herself in his lap. His arm wrapped around her reflexively.

"Nothing I might have felt for him compares to what we have. You know that, don't you?"

"I know," he said as he rubbed her back. "I'm not jealous, Pen. I'm furious that he's doing this to you."

"I can take it," Pen said, brushing his hair back from his forehead. "He has no control over me anymore, even if he can still piss me off."

"He's always been good at that." His expression was still tense, and she knew there were things he wasn't saying, but she was afraid of pushing too hard and really destroying what had been a wonderful day until a few minutes ago.

Maybe Anthony was right, and Colin would never really be out of her system. She'd been pulled toward him for so many years, like a force of gravity. Even if life took them different directions, as soon as he was around she fell right back into old habits. Part of her was terrified that, were she to be alone with him again, the same thing would happen again. No matter her feelings for Anthony, which were deep and intense, would her girlish fantasies about his younger brother plague her whenever they were in the same room? The thought of her ruining what she and Anthony had filled her with cold, hard dread. This was the most transformative relationship of her life. She wanted to do everything she could to keep it, keep him.

Pen hooked her finger under Anthony's chin and tiled his head up to look at her. "I love you," she declared before kissing him gently. He kissed her back right away, cradling the back of her head in his hand. The kiss deepend quickly as they both sank into each other. Were they avoiding the rest of their conversation? Probably. But right now, she didn't care. She pushed all thoughts of Colin out of her head and focused on the feeling of Anthony's hands on her arms, moving to her waist.

Without moving her lips from his, Pen shifted from sitting sideways across his lap to facing him with her knees framing his hips. Anthony moved to nip and kiss at her neck while his hands traveled down to squeeze her ass, grinding her hips against him in the process. Pen moaned softly, feeling his arousal pressing against her through her dress.

"You drive me fucking crazy," Anthony murmured against her skin while his mouth traveled down her chest. As he was sliding the strap of her dress off her shoulder to slide the bodice down, Pen suddenly became very aware of where they were.

"Anthony, stop." She pushed him away gently.

HE did as she asked immediately, his eyes clouded with lust and confusion. "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted…"

"Oh I do," she assured him, nodding emphatically. "Just maybe not on your mother's patio? Let's go home and pick this up there."

He thought about what she said. "I guess that makes sense. Maybe not the first impression we want to leave as a couple." He helped her climb off his lap and stood after her. Hand-in-hand they headed for the car.

"For the record, someday we are absolutely fucking out here," he whispered in her ear, sending a thrill through her entire body. The idea wasn't without appeal.

"Maybe make sure no one's going to walk in on us," she suggested.

"The risk of discovery is half the fun, don't you think?" He winked at her with a teasing grin.

She just laughed as they hurried to his car. After a sexually charged drive home, they raced up to the penthouse as fast as the elevator would allow, and spent the rest of the night finishing what they'd started out by the fire. They got lost in each other, all thoughts of conflict or split affections completely forgotten.

Chapter 20: Heart of Glass

Summary:

Once I had a love and it was a gas

Soon turned out had a heart of glass

Seemed like the real thing, only to find

Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind

After a tense month, Pen and Anthony attend a gala/birthday party for Violet. Colin attempts to apologize to Pen for his past mistakes but ends up making a bigger one.

Chapter Text

The next month passed uneasily. Though on the surface things between Pen and Anthony were the same as ever, Pen could feel him slowly pulling back. His work days became gradually longer, often overflowing into weekends. She could sense the tension every time a text message came to her phone, so much so that she got in the habit of announcing the sender. None of the messages were from Colin, thank God. She didn't want to hear from him, and even less did she want to give Anthony further reason to be suspicious.

After quitting her job, despite the tension at home, Pen tried to make herself as useful as possible. Every morning she spent at least an hour cleaning the apartment, top to bottom. Anthony insisted it wasn't necessary, he had a cleaning lady twice a week, but Pen hated the idea of seeming idle. For several hours each day, she attempted to write. As the air between herself and Anthony got thicker with unspoken accusations, her creativity became harder and harder to reach. After two weeks full-time writing, she'd managed only a handful of pages, most of them garbage as far as she was concerned. Had they been physical papers rather than a computer file, she'd have burned them in the fireplace.

She wanted to assure Anthony that Colin was the last person in the world she was romantically interested in, but she also worried that the more she insisted it was the truth, the more he would assume she was denying her true feelings. How was she going to make him feel sure of her loyalty, especially if he was never around for her to demonstrate how much she cared about him?

At the end of September was Violet Bridgerton's annual charity gala/birthday party. Each year she chose a different cause to support with the event. This year it was an organization devoted to hosting events and activities for children who suffered from terminal or life-threatening illnesses to get together and spend time with people in a similar situation. To Pen it was a very worthy cause.

The night of the gala, Anthony arrived home from work just in time to change into his tux. Pen greeted him at the door, already in full dress and make-up.

When he looked up and saw her, she watched his eyes widen a little and it gave her a surge of satisfaction.

"You look…stunning," he finally managed. Pen had chosen a dark green strapless velvet dress with a sweetheart neckline. It hugged her body until just above the knee where it flared out gracefully to the floor. Her hair was loose and swept to the side in loose curls and she'd opted for a simple smoky eye and red lip. During her many hours alone the last week, she'd practiced walking around in her black stiletto heels so she wouldn't trip and embarrass him at the event.

"Thank you," she replied, blushing a little bit. "When your mom said she wanted to get my dress for tonight, I never imagined anything like this."

"It's perfect for you." For the first time in weeks, she saw the heat of desire in Anthony's eyes. Of course they'd made love since her birthday, but the passion and fire had been missing recently. Maybe tonight was a chance to relight it.

"Go get dressed or we'll be late to your mother's birthday." Pen fiddled with the emerald and platinum bracelet Violet had lent her for the evening, insisting it would go perfectly with the dress. The woman was, of course, completely right. Bought new for the occasion were the diamond and emerald drop earrings and pendant necklace Pen had just put on before Anthony walked in the door. While he changed, she grabbed her black satin and lace clutch off the entry table and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her breath caught in her throat. Of course she'd gotten herself ready, but she'd focused on each individual element as she handled it. Only now did she take the time to really look at the whole effect. For the first time in her life, she felt truly pretty. Maybe even beautiful.

Minutes later, as Pen was touching up her lipstick for the fifth time, Anthony came out of the bedroom looking absolutely sinful in his classic black tux. He'd opted for classic black with a black vest and bow tie with a white shirt, but she noticed he'd chosen a pocket square that matched the color of her dress.

"Secret Agent Anthony Bridgerton, reporting for duty," she joked as she drank in the sight of him.

He made a show of adjusting his silver cufflinks. "I taught Bond everything he knows."

They shared a smile and Pen's heart felt lighter than it had since her birthday. Crossing to join her by the entry, Anthony held his elbow out for her to take hold of.

"Shall we?" he asked.

"Absolutely," she replied as she took hold of his arm.

Soon they were in the back seat of the limo Violet had sent for them, enjoying a pre-party glass of champagne.

"Have you been to one of these before?" Anthony asked.

"Officially, no. Eloise and I crashed one…I think we were freshmen in high school at the time. We made it all of five minutes before we were discovered and your mom sent us back up to El's room." It had been Pen's first glimpse of the enchanted life the Bridgertons lived. She knew they came from money, of course, but until she saw the incredible glamour and breathtaking decorations of the charity gala, she didn't really grasp what it meant to have that level of wealth.

"This time I promise you're on the guest list and no one's going to send you away." He took her hand and kissed the back of it. "Have I mentioned how truly incredible you look tonight?"

She smiled shyly. "You have, but it never hurts to hear it again."

Anthony leaned in to kiss her but all she could think of was him showing up to his mother's birthday with bright red lipstick all over his face. He seemed to sense her hesitation and stopped.

"Is something wrong?" he asked softly, concerned rather than annoyed.

"No, not at all," she quickly assured him. "I just don't want to get lipstick all over you before we even get to the party."

"Then I'll have to get creative," he said with a wolfish grin. He leaned in again, this time landing on her neck where he proceeded to suck and nip and lick in all the most delicious ways. She sighed in pleasure and tilted her head to give him access. After a few seconds, she regained her senses.

"Anthony! Stop. I will not show up to your mother's birthday party with a hickey!" She giggled in spite of herself.

"You're no fun at all," Anthony said with an exaggerated pout. "No lipstick kisses AND no hickeys? Outrageous."

"I would like to at least arrive looking put-together." She smoothed her dress self-consciously.

"I understand," he assured her, still in good spirits. "But maybe later tonight we can sneak off somewhere?"

"Anthony Bridgerton! Are you propositioning me?" she asked in mock indignation.

"If you have to ask, I'm not doing a very good job of it." He put his hand on her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. "To be honest, it's always been a bit of a fantasy of mine, to sneak off with a girl during one of these stuffy parties and make our own fun."

"You never have?" She was genuinely shocked. Anthony always showed up to these parties with some beautiful woman on his arm. She assumed a stealthy tryst was part of the package.

"No. My dates were always too busy trying to rub elbows with all the right people to risk disappearing with me for half an hour. The might have missed an introduction to someone really important." She couldn't ignore the bitterness in his tone.

"Lucky for you I'm a nobody and have no one I need to make connections with for my career." She grinned to show it was meant as a joke.

"You're not nobody," he responded fiercely. "Don't ever say that about yourself. You're incredible. Soon you're going to be a famous author and everyone is going to want to rub elbows with you ."

"God, I hope not," she said with a shudder. "I don't want to be famous. I just want to be successful enough to make a living at what I love doing."

"You will." He squeezed her leg again. "I know it."

Their conversation was interrupted when the pulled into the circle drive at Bridgerton House. Anthony got out first and jogged around to open Pen's door for her. Though it was getting dark outside, the house was well lit inside. They approached the front door but it burst open before they could approach. Violet came rushing out, arms extended to both of them.

"I'm so happy you came!" the older woman declared. "You look fabulous!"

Pen and Anthony exchanged a glance as his mother embraced them. It appeared she was already a few drinks deep. After she hugged them, Violet took Pen's left hand in hers and looked down at it.

"That bracelet looks lovely on you, dear," she told Pen before casting a strange look at Anthony. Pen was so confused by the attention to her bracelet she nearly missed the almost imperceptible shake of his head.

"You look great too, Mom," Anthony told her with an easy smile. And it was true. Violet was wearing pale blue silk. The dress looked like a collared shirt on top, with a full-length ballgown skirt, complemented by a matching pale blue sash around her waist. Her graying brown hair was up in an elegant twist, with simple diamond and platinum jewelry. She looked, as always, impeccable.

"Go inside, get a drink, enjoy yourselves," Violet ushered them both toward the house, ever the hostess. They did as she suggested, grabbing glasses of wine from passing waiters on their way further into the house. The few party guests that had arrived before them were scattered throughout the entire first floor while a string quartet set up in the back corner of the formal dining room. It was still early in the evening and Pen knew the crowd would be much larger before long.

Pen had just grabbed a crab puff off a passing tray when she heard someone calling her name.

"Pen!! Over here!" Eloise approached them, towing a very reluctant Phillip behind her. He looked very much like a fish out of water. His gray suit was well-made but didn't quite fit him right, sitting wider in the shoulders while the pants seemed just a half inch too long and bunched on top of his shoes.

"Hi!" Pen greeted her oldest friend. "How long have you been here?"

"Only ten minutes or so." El looped her arm around Phillip's and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "I wanted to have some time for us to enjoy ourselves before it gets too crowded to move."

Pen nodded in agreement.

"I'm so glad you finally get to come to one of these as a guest. Although sneaking in was way more fun. At least Colin isn't around to narc on us like he did back then."

"Oh I'm not?" a familiar voice piped in behind them. El jumped when Pen froze. She should've known he'd turn up for his mother's birthday party. The thought hadn't even entered her mind.

"Colin!" El let out an excited shriek and hugged her brother. "When did you get back? How long are you going to be in town?"

"Last night, and I don't know. Things are kind of up in the air." He hugged El back but his eyes searched Pen's face. She avoided eye-contact with him by looking around for another tray of hors d'oeuvres. As all the Bridgerton boys did, Colin looked very at-home in his tuxedo. He used to snak into her room at her mother's house after these kinds of parties, boy tie untied, top few buttons undone. He'd amuse her with stories of the antics of other party guests or fill her in on the latest high-society gossip.

While her mind traveled briefly down memory lane, Pen noticed that Anthony felt like stone next to her.

"Welcome back," Anthony managed at last. Colin gave him a single nod. With a hand on the small of her back, Anthony started to steer Pen back towards the bar. "Excuse us," he said to his siblings as they walked away.

"Are you okay?" she asked him quietly as soon as they were out of earshot.

"I should be asking you that. You're the one he assaulted." His words dripped with venom. Clearly he was still furious about what had happened at the airport. She was too, of course, but her heart had betrayed her briefly upon seeing Colin in his tux again.

"As long as we can keep our distance, I'm fine. Please try not to make a scene tonight. Not at your mother's birthday party." She took his hand in both of hers.

"That's why I excused us. If I stood there another second I was going to deck him." He huffed out a breath and looked down. "I should've figured he'd be here. No way would he jeopardize his 'favorite son' status by missing our mom's birthday."

"Your mother does not have favorites," Pen chided him gently.

"Sure she does. If I pulled half the crap Colin does, she'd have written me out of the will years ago. But he just gets free pass after free pass."

Pen put her hand on his cheek and turned his face up to look at her. "Whether that's true or not, don't worry about him tonight. We'll keep out of his way as much as possible and just try to enjoy the evening, okay? He already spoiled your coming home from London and cast a shadow over my birthday. Don't let him ruin tonight too."

With the added height her heels gave her, Pen only hand to pull him down a little bit to be able to kiss him. He kissed her back but she could tell his thoughts were still on other things.

"Come on, buy me a drink."

"It's an open bar," he reminded her.

"Lucky you then. I'll be a cheap date." She looped her arm through his and they continued their path to the bar back in the formal dining room. In another time it might have been called a ballroom because of how large and open it was. The quintet had started playing classical music in one corner. The bar was set up on the opposite wall with a hired bartender filling drink requests.

Anthony ordered them each a glass of red wine and they stood at the bar sipping them for a few minutes. She could feel him slowly start to relax next to her.

The first violinist from the quintet started playing a tune she recognized from high school, called Ashokan Farewell. Seeing her attention diverted, Anthony set both their glasses down on the bar and held out his hand to her.

"Dance with me?" he asked.

"Oh, I…I don't really know how." Embarrassing herself in front of all these people was Pen's nightmare.

"It's just a waltz. I'll teach you." Against her better judgement, Pen went with him if for no other reason than to get his mind of Colin's presence at the party. After a period of stumbling as she got the steps right, Anthony made good on his word and lead her around the dancefloor skillfully. He even spun her a few times and she managed to get back into hold without falling on her face.

"You're better than you think," Anthony assured her with a smile in his eyes.

"It helps to have a strong partner." That's when it finally clicked in her head. Ever since Anthony had started pulling back a few weeks ago, she'd been examining what had truly drawn her to Anthony in the first place. Of course he was handsome and wealthy, but those were never qualities that she prized in a partner. In fact, she would probably be more secure in their relationship were he not quite so attractive and a little less rich. They had very little in common academically. He was all numbers and business while she'd been into language arts and music. He'd attended some of the most prestigious schools in the country while she was pretty sure she only got into the same college as Eloise because El had begged her mother to call in a favor. So why did they work so well together?

They were partners. Each only wanted to help the other be the most successful version of themselves. Anthony had only ever encouraged her to chase her dreams of writing, and built up her confidence when she felt like she had none. And she had tried to get Anthony to see that there was life outside the office and he could benefit from taking a break now and then. They complemented each other. She knew that she could always count on Anthony to be by her side supporting her through anything, and she would do the same for him.

The song they were dancing to played its final bars and Anthony led her off the dance floor. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of how much she loved him and what they had together, and how devastated she'd be if it fell apart.

Anthony's brow furrowed when he saw the tears. "Pen? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she assured him with a watery smile. "I was just thinking about all the reasons I love you."

"Oh." His face relaxed and he pulled her in for a hug. "I'm glad to hear it. I'm pretty crazy in love with you too."

Hearing him return her affection helped ease the knot in her stomach that had been there for days, maybe weeks. Whatever was going on between them now, she had faith that they'd get through it and come out stronger on the other side.

"Now can I kiss you?" he asked hopefully. "I'm not afraid of a little lipstick."

She smiled. "You better."

Wrapping his arms around her, Anthony pulled her into a deep, meaningful kiss, and she returned it with just as much fervor. The rest of the world, the room filling with party guests, all faded away until it was just the two of them in this moment.

Finally, when they were both dazed and breathless, Anthony pulled back. "What do you say we go find that dark corner to disappear to for a while?"

"Yes please," she said, barely above a whisper. Anthony took her hand and practically dragged her across the room to the doorway that led to the rest of the house. When they were just about there, an older man called Anthony's name. He looked up and cursed under his breath.

"It's a business associate. I have to go make nice for a minute or it'll make my work life very difficult for the next few weeks."

"Go," she told him. "I'll wait here."

"I'll be back as soon as humanly possible." He kissed her once more briefly, cast a hungry glance over her from head to toe, and walked away to greet the older man.

Seconds after he walked away, she felt a hand around her wrist. She gasped and jumped, turning to see Colin had appeared next to her, almost out of nowhere as usual.

"Can we go somewhere and talk for a second?" he asked her quietly.

"I don't really have anything to say to you," she responded stonily. And she didn't.

"I know, and I don't blame you. I wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting. Please?" He looked genuinely contrite, which was new for him. She glanced over at Anthony and it looked like he had been pulled into a lengthier conversation that he'd planned on.

"Um…okay," she finally agreed. "Just make it fast."

"Sure. Let's go in the library. Nobody ever goes in there at these things." Still holding her wrist, he guided her through the sea of people and into the library. When he went to close the door she stopped him.

"Leave it open," she demanded. The last thing she needed was for someone to see them coming out of a closed room and get the wrong idea.

"Right. Um…sit down. Please?" He raked a hand through his hair and started pacing.

"I'll stand," Pen insisted as she crossed her arms. She would let him apologize but that didn't mean she was going to make it easy on him.

"Okay, fine. First of all, you look sensational tonight, Pen. That dress is…it fits you really nice."

"Thank you." She stamped down the part of her that blossomed just a bit under his praise.

When she didn't elaborate further, he went on. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about how I've been acting the last couple months. I don't know what got into me—actually, that's a lie. I know exactly what it was. I found out you were with my brother and I got jealous."

"Jealous? Of Anthony?" That wasn't what she was expecting. Colin stopped pacing and faced her.

"Yes. Jealous of all the time he got to spend with you, and…and I was pissed at myself for missing my chance, so I went a little nuts." He took a slow step toward her. "Will told me you guys ran into each other at his bar. I didn't think anything of it. Then when I saw you here for that family dinner, and saw the way you were acting with each other…I knew there was more going on. And after that things with us started to change, and you told me you were with someone, so I put the pieces together."

"We would have told you eventually," Pen said, feeling like she had to defend herself. "We told the whole family at my birthday party. You would have found out then too."

"But why didn't you tell me sooner? It sounds like El's known for months."

"The only reason she knows is because she, uh, came across us on a date. It was an accident, we didn't tell her on purpose." Somehow it felt like an overshare to tell him El had found Pen and Anthony half-naked on the floor of the apartment.

"Still, I wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me what was happening. But that's my fault, not yours. I wasn't providing a safe space for you to share your life. Another thing I'm sorry for."

"What difference would it have made?" Pen asked. "What difference does it make now? You and I were never a couple, so why does it matter if I date your brother or any other man for that matter? It doesn't affect your life at all."

"But it does," Colin corrected her. "That's why I've been such an ass. Until I knew about you two, I never realized how much you mean to me."

Suddenly he was right in front of her. When had that happened?

"Colin—" she tried to walk away but he grabbed her wrists.

"Wait, Pen. Let me get this out, please. I never let myself see you as more than a friend, because I couldn't bear the thought of fucking up a relationship with you and then losing you forever. So it was better to keep things from going that way. I wonder all the time…what if I had shown up to Will's bar instead of Anthony? Would you and I be madly in love right now instead?" His tone was gentle but his grip on her arms was unwavering.

"Let me go, Colin," Pen said sternly.

"Please, Pen. Give me a chance, a real chance. I was scared to try to go further with you before but I'm not now. I want to see what we could have together."

Again Pen tried to pull away but he pinned her arms behind her, pressing her body into his.

"Just let me show you, I can be a better man for you," Colin insisted. "Anthony doesn't know you, not really. I do. We know each other. We could have something really great."

Pen wriggled against him, trying to get enough leverage to get free, but he must have misinterpreted her actions as something else, because he crushed his mouth to hers, trapping her against him completely.

She grunted and bucked, trying to get away. Finally, she made the only move she could. She brought her knee up between his legs and nailed him right in the balls. Colin groaned and went down like a rock, letting Pen finally stumble away from him.

"You're a sick bastard, Colin. Trapping me into kissing you is not the way to convince me you're a good, upstanding man now. On your best day you could never be half the man Anthony is. He's kind and compassionate, and he listens to me. I want you to listen when I tell you that I never want to see you again and if you ever lay a finger on me again I will break your goddamn arm!" By the end of her speech she was screaming the words at him, beyond caring who heard her. "None of this was to apologize," she continued, calmer now. "you wanted to drag me in here hoping Anthony would come looking for me and see us together, right? You really don't know how not to use people, do you?"

Colin managed to get up on his hands and knees, and she fought the urge to kick him in the gut with her very pointy-toed shoe.

"I don't know why I ever thought you were a good person. I guess I'm just as dumb as all those bimbos you dated. I couldn't see past your charming smile and your nice body. But inside you're an ogre. All you do is take advantage of people and get them to trust you until you get what you want. I'm such an idiot for ever thinking there was a better side of you that only I could see. You showed me what you wanted me to see and I believed it. Stay away from me, get out of my life, and go fuck yourself."

Just as she was about to leave him groaning in pain on the floor, Anthony came rushing in.

"There you are, I—" In a heartbeat he took in the scene. Pen's red wrists and flushed face, Colin groaning on the floor. He moved to Colin and hauled him to his feet by his lapels.

"What did you do to her?!" Anthony roared, bashing Colin into the bookshelves on the far side of the room. Books rained down around them, knocked free by the force.

"Nothing, were just talking!" Colin insisted. Anthony slammed him against the shelf again.

"Liar! What the hell did you do?!"

"We were just talking! Then we kissed, next thing I know she kicked me in the balls."

Pen snorted in disgust.

"That's not what happened and you know it." As much as she wanted Anthony to beat some sense into Colin, she noticed a crowd gathering in the hallway outside.

"Anthony, not here, please." She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly cold after the adrenaline rush. "Don't ruin your mother's party."

"Fuck my mom's party, he doesn't get to get away with accosting you." Anthony had murder in his eyes as he looked at his younger brother.

El came into the library. "Guys? What's going on in here? I heard a crash–"

Pen sobbed in relief at the sight of her best friend and ran to her. El immediately held her tight, comforting her though she had no idea what had just transpired.

"Whatever you two clowns did, I hope you're proud of yourselves," El scolded her brothers while she rubbed Pen's back and murmured soothing words.

The sound of Pen crying seemed to snap Anthony out of his rage-induced haze. He started to let go of Colin, but hit him with a right hook at the last second, letting him collapse to the ground while Anthony went to the ladies.

"Pen, are you okay? I'm so sorry." He took over for El and wrapped Pen in his arms. She curled into him, feeling very small and fragile suddenly.

"He–I didn't–I tried to—" her words came out in short hiccupping sobs as she tried to piece a coherent sentence together.

"I know, it's okay, we don't have to talk about that now." He kissed her forehead. "Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?"

She rubbed at her red and aching wrists. "Just my arms. I'm okay."

Anthony huffed with fury. "Do you want to go home?"

"We can't leave so soon. Your family…" She couldn't bear the thought of his family being mad at him for leaving so early in the evening.

"Don't worry about that," El cut in. "I'll make up a really good excuse. You go home."

"No," Pen insisted. "I want to stay. I just…need a few minutes."

"Pen, we don't have to–" Anthony started, but she cut him off.

"I want to stay. He doesn't get to ruin this night for us. I want to stay and celebrate your mom and the cause she's sponsoring tonight. Give me a few minutes to get myself together and I'll be okay."

Anthony shot a panicked look at El, who only shrugged. El then went over to Colin who was staggering to his feet a second time, cupping the left side of his face.

"Colin, you're going to sit in here while I go get Ben to take you home." Her tone left no room for argument or refusal, despite the fact that Colin had a good ten inches and almost fifty pounds on his younger sister.

"Take her up to my old room," El suggested to Anthony. "No one will bother you guys up there."

Anthony nodded gratefully and kept his arm around Pen as they left the library. He ignored the crowd gathered outside the door as they headed for the front hall.

Chapter 21: The Way I Am

Summary:

If you were falling

Then I would catch you

You need a light

I'd find a match

'Cause I love the way you say good morning

And you take me the way I am

Anthony and Penelope try to process the events of the evening and she confronts him on his recent emotional distance.

Chapter Text

Anthony didn't release his grip on Penelope until they were safely hidden away in Eloise's old room with the door firmly shut. He did his best to keep a calm and supportive exterior but inside he was red-hot with rage.

If his sister hadn't come in when she did, Colin would be in need of a hospital at this moment. While the Bridgerton brothers roughhoused like any brothers would, Anthony had never considered himself a man prone to violence. He preferred to use logic and reason to solve problems over brute force and intimidation. But at that moment, he could have very cheerfully beaten his brother to a bloody pulp.

The only thing keeping him from rushing back downstairs and doing just that was that he didn't want Pen to be alone for even the minute it would take to get El and send her to keep her friend company. Also the police chief was downstairs at the party and Anthony doubted he would look the other way if a fratricide was carried out under his nose.

If Penelope hadn't been so excited for the charity gala, Anthony would have found an excuse to bow out. Spending hours making mindless small-talk with two hundred business contacts and family friends wasn't his idea of a good time. The only bright spot was that he got to share it with Pen. It was their first public event as a couple. His mother was very skilled at keeping press away from her event every year, but mention of it always seemed to show up in business and society publications the next morning. They were far from celebrities, but the Bridgerton wealth came with a certain amount of recognition that merited a mention of new relationships and acquisitions from time to time.

Adding to the stress of knowing his name was going to show up in the public eye again, Anthony had been trying to work up a plan of how to propose to Pen since he'd mentioned it to Ben at her birthday party. In truth, until he said the words out loud, he hadn't been totally sure of when it would happen. He'd known for weeks she was the one for him, of course, but they hadn't been intimately involved for very long and he didn't want to overwhelm or scare her.

So far he hadn't managed to work up the nerve to pop the question. Work crisis after work crisis had taken so much of his time he hadn't been able to set a proper plan in place, and the last thing he wanted to do was make it some off-handed proposal in the heat of the moment. He wanted Pen to feel special and know that he had taken the time to really think about their future together.

Finally, he decided that his mother's party was as good a place as any. He would sneak her upstairs and onto one of the balconies and propose under the moonlight—as there was a full moon expected that night. He knew her enough to know a public display would only make her uncomfortable. A private moment between the two of them would be the best choice.

What he hadn't accounted for was that his mother and siblings had expected him to propose before the party. His mother's blatant feel for an engagement ring when they arrived nearly gave him a heart attack, but Violet covered well and Pen didn't seem to suspect anything. Ben almost asked to see the ring when they bumped into him on the way to the bar, but caught Anthony's eye just in time. Thankfully Anthony had been able to get the word out to his other siblings before further disaster could strike.

The disaster of a spoiled proposal was, as it turned out, the least of his worries.

The moment he'd looked up from the conversation with his business associate and saw Pen wasn't waiting for him, he knew something was wrong. Something in his gut just told him something bad was about to happen. As politely as possible, he extricated from his conversation and did a quick sweep of the ballroom in case Pen had simply been pulled away into another conversation. When he didn't see any sign of her, the feeling of dread only grew.

Leaving the ballroom, he could see a small crowd gathering just down the hall in the direction of the library.

As gently as he could, he walked Pen over to the padded window seat and sat down next to her. The red marks on her wrists renewed his rage all over again. Colin had injured Pen, physically and emotionally, and deserved to pay dearly. He made a mental note to contact the family's lawyer to see how he could cut off Colin from the trust fund left by their father. He refused to support the lifestyle of such a waste of space another day. Let him stand on his own two feet for once.

"Are you alright?" he asked, sure to keep his tone soft and low.

Pen stared down at her lap and simply nodded. Anthony took her hand closest to him and very softly ran his thumb over the redness. "Are you sure you don't want to go home? I really think it would be best."

"No," Pen insisted. "I'll be alright in a minute. I want to go back to enjoying tonight like we were before…" Before Colin accosted her—again, Anthony silently added for her.

"There will be other parties, Pen. I promise. I'll throw one myself if it's important to you."

"No!" Pen repeated sharply. "I'm not going to be some delicate damsel who needs to be swept away to safety at the first sign of distress. It was a bad moment, but it's over now and I want to move past it. He's ruined enough of our time together as it is. He doesn't get this too."

Anthony knelt in front of her to look her in the eye. "Pen, not a minute I get to spend with you is ever ruined, because we're together. You don't have to prove anything to me or anyone else, and no one who really knows you would ever think of you as a helpless damsel."

"If he hasn't ruined things between us, why haven't you been able to spend more than a few minutes in the same room with me in weeks?" Her voice was barely a whisper and his heart shattered as a single tear trailed down her cheek.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, genuinely confused. Sure, things had been crazy at work, but he'd done his best to spend whatever time he could with Pen.

"Ever since my birthday, you've been different with me. Distracted, distant…like you don't want to be anywhere near me unless you have to."

Anthony thought back given her interpretation, and he had to admit that he could see how she'd jump to that conclusion. Even when he wasn't working, he knew he'd been preoccupied, and for a very different reason than she assumed. The tiny velvet ring box in his pocket felt like a lead weight. Certainly this was not the moment to explain the real reason for his distraction, but how was he going to convince her of his feelings without giving it away?

"Pen, it's…it's not what you think." It sounded like a flimsy excuse even to his ears.

"Then what is it?" Pen pressed. "Because to me, it seems like you've been upset about your perception that I still have—had—feelings for Colin. I promise you, those died a long time before tonight. You have no reason to be jealous or not to trust me."

"I know that, Pen. I've always trusted you. I'm not jealous." He was quickly beginning to realize that the only way she would believe him was if he revealed his plan for the evening. He decided to make one final effort to calm her fears without spoiling any chance of a well-planned proposal later "Please believe that I haven't been distant intentionally, and it has nothing to do with my feelings for you changing."

He cupped her cheek and rubbed her tear away with his thumb. "I never knew it was possible to love someone this much. Nothing is going to change how I feel about you."

"I'm just so sorry for all this. The last thing I ever wanted to do was come between you and members of your family." Hed known for most of their relationship that causing family discord was her biggest fear and he hated that she felt like the cause of it now.

"You didn't do anything to cause a problem. My brother made his own choices and caused the rift all on his own. None of that had anything you did or didn't do, and nothing anyone else does could make me think any less of you."

Their moment was interrupted by a soft knock on the door, followed by El coming in.

"Everyone decent?" she asked, making a show of covering her eyes.

"Ha ha," Pen shot back, rolling hers. "We're decent."

Anthony was grateful for the lift in the mood.

"Ben just poured Colin into a cab," El said, nervously glancing at Pen. "He's gone. Mom was apprised of the situation as…diplomatically as possible. She sends her deepest apologies that your safety in her home was compromised and she will personally see to it that never happens again. She will apologize to you in person as soon as she can get away from the crowds without drawing too much attention."

Anthony actually felt sorry for his brother for a second. Their mother's wrath was not something to be taken lightly. When he saw the absolute devastation on Pen's face, his pity for Colin vanished. He had to know Pen would blame herself.

"You're poor mom…" Pen's shoulders collapsed as she finally let out the sobs she'd been holding in since it happened. "I'm so sorry, I never thought…I never meant for this…"

El sat next to Pen and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "You have nothing to apologize for. You came here to enjoy a fancy party and it got ruined by a drunken idiot who can't take no for a fucking answer. He's in the wrong here, totally and completely. Not one bit of this is your fault and I won't let you think otherwise."

Smiling at his sister, ANthony swelled with pride. El could soothe Pen's spirits in a way he couldn't, at least not yet. The decade-old friendship reached deeper than he could ever hope to, and he'd always known and respected that, even if it sometimes chafed. Now, though, he couldn't have been more grateful.

Between the two of them, El and Anthony brought Pen's spirits up again and calmed her nerves enough that she felt able to rejoin the party. He repeated his offer to take her home instead, but she insisted she wanted to stay and enjoy what she could of the rest of the party.

Eventually Violet found them and immediately swept Pen into a warm hug.

"How can I ever apologize for my son's behavior tonight?" she asked right away.

"Oh I don't know, he's not so bad," Pen said with a grin at ANthony. Violet was briefly confused before she caught on, and laughed with them.

"Of course, Anthony cleans up well when he wants to." Her smile turned soft as she turned her attention back to Penelope.

"In all seriousness, Penelope. How can I ever–"

"You have nothing to apologize for," Pen interrupted her. "His choices are his choices, not yours. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather try to forget the whole thing and enjoy the rest of the night."

They all knew it wouldn't be that simple, to just forget and move on, but for tonight it was what Pen asked for so they would do their best to honor her request. Tomorrow they would deal with the aftermath, but tonight they would put it out of their minds as much as possible, for her.

Chapter 22: The Luckiest

Summary:

I don't get many things right the first time

In fact, I am told that a lot

Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls

Brought me here

And where was I before the day

That I first saw your lovely face?

Pen and Anthony discuss the ramifications of the nights events and what it means for them, and Anthony has to change course during a very important conversation.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The rest of the party went smoothly, but despite El's assurances that Colin was long gone, Pen found herself looking over her shoulder for him all night. Eventually she was able to let her guard down, but only when Anthony was right by her side–not difficult to achieve since he didn't leave her alone for even a second the rest of the night.

The guilt still ate at her, no matter how many assurances she got from the Bridgertons that they considered her an innocent victim, she still felt like the whole thing was her fault. She should never have gone with Colin into a secluded room to talk. She should never have trusted him to behave like a decent man.

Finally, when they were in the towncar headed for home, Pen let out a deep breath and relaxed against the seat.

"I'll draw you a hot bath when we get home while you get out of that dress." Anthony always knew just what she needed before she asked.

"Sounds perfect." She yawned and closed her eyes to rest them on the way home. Next thing she knew, Anthony was gently nudging her arm.

"Wake up, love. Sorry to wake you, but we're home." Anthony helped her out of the car and up to the penthouse. After the adrenaline of the night, Pen could barely keep her eyes open.

"The bath might have to wait," she suggested when they reached the bedroom. "RIght now I just want to crawl into bed and stay there until next Thursday."

He chuckled and moved behind her to help with her zipper. "Fair enough. The tub will still be there tomorrow after you've had a chance to get some sleep."

She felt his lips on her shoulder as she shimmied out of her dress. It was beautiful, but heavy and very tight. Once it was off she felt like she could finally take a deep breath. Wordlessly, the two of them changed out of their formalwear and into pajamas. Pen wore a pale pink satin cami and shorts set while Anthony opted simply for a pair of blue cotton pajama pants. The sight was enough to make her drool, but tonight she was just too physically and emotionally exhausted to notice.

Only after they were tucked in bed together, with Pen's head on Anthony's shoulder and her arm around his waist, did she truly process the events of the night. She began shaking and sobbing uncontrollably, despite all her efforts to pull herself together. Anthony just rubbed her back and made soothing sounds, letting her get it all out. Eventually she cried herself to sleep.

When Penelope awoke the next morning, she had no idea what time it was. A glance at her phone told her it was nearly noon. Pen's body protested when she sat up. It was as if she hadn't changed position the entire time she was asleep. Her muscles felt stiff.

After putting on her robe, she ventured into the main living area and was greeted by the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of bacon sizzling in a frying pan.

"Why did you let me sleep so late?" she asked, coming up behind Anthony who was minding the bacon. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder by way of a greeting.

"You needed the rest," he explained simply. "I didn't see a reason to wake you since we have nothing going on today."

"We don't? You don't?" Pen felt the need to clarify. Often he had business to attend to even if there was nothing officially on his calendar. It didn't generally bother her–after all, he ran a multi-billion-dollar company and that required a great deal of time and energy.

"No, I cleared my schedule for the next few days, and the things I couldn't reschedule I passed off to Ben." Anthony had explained to her in the past that Ben was his right-hand man at the company, but preferred to stay behind the scenes as much as possible and they agreed it was best for the public perception if there was only one person as the public-facing head of the company to avoid confusion or the impression that there could be factions within.

"You didn't have to clear your schedule for me. I promise I'm okay by myself if you have things you need to do." SHe felt guilty he went to so much trouble for her.

Anthony finished putting the bacon on a paper towel-lined plate and turned so he could put his hands on her hips. Smiling warmly down at her, he explained, "I didn't do it because I felt like I had to. I wanted to. We haven't had nearly enough time together lately. I thought maybe we could go away somewhere. Maybe hole up in a resort bungalow somewhere and forget about the rest of the world."

THat's when the lightbulb finally went on in her head. "You mean forget about Colin." She pushed his hands off her hips and stepped away. Somehow it felt like wanting to take her away meant he didn't trust that she could deal with her emotions on her own.

Anthony sighed. "No, Pen. That's not what I meant. We've both had a lot on our plates lately and I thought it would be nice to get away from all of it."

He scowled, which he rarely did in her presence. She'd annoyed or offended him.

"You're upset with me," she stated. It wasn't a question.

"No. I'm…I'm upset that we keep having to have this same conversation. It's not your fault, it's been a fact of our lives lately, but I just wish we could do one thing without my brother's bullshit hanging over us."

"I'm sorry–" she started.

"Stop apologizing!" Anthony shouted, startling her into taking a step backward. "Why is it so hard for you to believe I just wanted to take you on a vacation because I love you and I wanted to spend time alone with you? Why do you always think there's some ulterior motive? I am not Colin. I want you because of you, not because of what you can do for me! Even after everything he's done, I still feel like I'm in some kind of competition with him in your mind. Everything I do, you're comparing it to what he would do or say. Is this going to be the rest of our lives?"

He'd never once raised his voice to her, even before they were in a relationship, so his outburst caught her off-guard and left her speechless.

"I'm not Colin," he repeated, calmer this time.

"I know you're not," Pen assured him, trying to stay strong and not crumble in front of him. He wasn't yelling at her, he was frustrated and expressing it loudly in her direction. She looked down and started picking at her cuticles to distract herself. "I'm grateful for that fact every day. The more time that goes by, the more I wonder what I was thinking ever imagining that he was a decent, kind person."

"He's good at letting people see what he wants them to see. You're not the first person to be taken in by his act, and I'm sure you won't be the last." Anthony moved towards her again and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry I yelled."

He rested his forehead against hers and they stood that way in the middle of the kitchen for several minutes. Gradually, Pen processed what Anthony had said in his tirade.

"Anthony…you asked if I would be comparing you to Colin for the rest of our lives." He didn't immediately react, so she repeated for emphasis, "The rest of our lives. Did you mean that?"

Did Anthony even know what he was implying? They loved each other and she was happy to be living with him but they'd never discussed their long-term plans. Of course she hoped this was forever, but neither of them had ever brought it up.

"I did." He swallowed hard before standing fully upright again. "Wait here."

For a minute she stood alone in the kitchen, confused and extremely nervous. What was he doing? He confirmed he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, then just walked away. Before she had time to get herself too worked up about it, he returned seemingly empty-handed. But he has that look of stoic determination on his face again. He was gearing up for something.

"Anthony? What's going on?"

He looked down and shoved a hand in the pocket of his pajama pants.

"This is not how I wanted this to happen," he grumbled, mostly to himself it seemed.

"Wanted what to happen?" Pen asked tentatively. "What's going on in your head?"

"I had a plan last night. Before everything went sideways. And then I couldn't…so I decided to wait."

Pen groaned in exasperation. "Anthony, what are you talking about? You're starting to worry me."

"I had a plan," he said again. "This was supposed to be romantic and memorable. I wanted to make it special for you."

Just as Pen was about to go out of her mind from all the vagueness, Anthony fell to one knee, pulled a tiny velvet box out of his pocket, and opened it to reveal a stunning diamond and emerald ring.

"Marry me, Penelope."

Notes:

I have to confess Colin's character went a very different direction than I intended when this all started. He was meant to be clueless and a bit of a douchnozzle, not a total monster. I was thinking of giving him a little bit of a redemption arc. Not enough to make him magically a good guy, but maybe closer to my original plan. Thoughts?

Also, should Pen accept Anthony?

Chapter 23: Bartender

Summary:

Maybe if I sober up

I will stop pretending that

Love is forever.

Come on, Bartender.

Pen responds to Anthony's proposal.

Ben gives Colin the lecture he's been waiting for and some advice on how to change his wicked ways.

Notes:

Sorry it's been so long since I updated! I was having some major indecision about how to handle the post-proposal scene. Hope I picked the right direction!

Chapter Text

Pen stared at the ring Anthony thrust in front of her. It was beautiful; a cushion-cut pink diamond, surrounded by white diamonds, in a rose gold setting. It wasn't the most elegant ring ever made, but it was her. He knew her enough to know she'd never had a taste for plain white diamonds in a silver or gold setting. Or maybe he asked El for help. Either way, he took the time to figure out her taste instead of what most women would like.

There was no question in her mind that Anthony was the person she wanted to spend her life with, and no part of her doubted his devotion to her, but the argument they'd just finished gave her pause. What if, no matter how much they loved each other, there was too much baggage? What if the specter of Colin hanging over their heads was too much and they couldn't move past it?

Even through all her fears for the future, a wave of calm swept over her. She realized that she had enough faith in their love to know that, whatever issues came up, they could work through them together. No outside force, or person, was going to be too big an obstacle for them to overcome. Looking into Anthony's slightly panicked eyes, Pen realized she hadn't actually answered his question yet.

"Yes!" she quickly answered. Relief washed over him and he stood up, sweeping her into his arms and crushing his lips to hers.

"Thank God," he murmured against her mouth. "You had me panicking there for a second."

She giggled and pulled back slightly. "You know me so well, I sometimes forget you can't actually hear what's going on in my head." The stone on the ring seemed so much larger once he pushed it onto her finger. For a moment she just wiggled her fingers and watched the diamond glitter in the light.

"Believe me, it would make my life so much easier if I could." He kissed her again, halting all conversation. This time it felt different. It felt as if Anthony were claiming her with this kiss. She sank into it with everything she had, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck to pull him close. It was a heady feeling, knowing that soon they would belong to each other in every way.

Anthony's hands worked quickly to untie Pen's robe and slide it off her shoulders. She dropped her arms to let it fall but didn't let her lips leave his as she backed him towards the living room sofa. The bedroom was just too far away. Anthony dropped his head to lick and bite at her neck, making her breath hitch in her throat. He hummed in appreciation of her response and continued down towards her shoulder as he slid the thin straps of her cami down until it bunched at her waist.

Palming her breasts, Anthony groaned in satisfaction as he allowed her to back him up further until the back of his knees bumped into the sofa. He bent to kiss down her chest and take one of her nipples in his mouth, stimulating the other with his fingers.

Pen grasped his hair in her hands and arched her back towards him. "Oh, Anthony," she moaned softly as his mouth teased and sucked. In a sudden surge of bravery, she pushed his shoulders slightly, startling him enough that he fell back onto the sofa. ONce he was seated, she climbed into his lap. His hands immediately moved up her thighs and hips while she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly.

ANthony quickly deepened the kiss and moved his hands to grope her rear end, pulling her against him. She rolled her hips, feeling his arousal as he groaned against her mouth. The effect she had on him still mystified her. A man as handsome and worldly as Anthony wanted her, chubby homebody Penelope Featherington.

"You're so beautiful," Anthony murmured as he kissed down her neck. SHe tilted her head to give him space as her hands roamed his bare back, all the while her hips continued to grind against him.

Anthony pulled the waistband of her shorts and underwear down together, grunting in frustration when he couldn't get them all the way off. Pen climbed off his lap and let the offending garments slide off. Before climbing back on, she knelt in front of him and reached for the waistband of his pants. He lifted his hips so she could get them off, and she was pleasantly surprised to find he had nothing on underneath. His arousal stood tall and proud in front of her.

Pen leaned forward and licked him from base to tip. Anthony hissed out air between his teeth and gripped the sofa cushion on either side of him. "You keep that up I'm going to last about five seconds," he managed through gritted teeth.

"Well we can't have that," Pen purred back to him before crawling back up into his lap. Something about sex with him always made her a braver, sexier version of herself. All the insecurities and doubts shut the fuck up and her inner sex goddess took over.

She settled herself over him again and took his mouth with hers. Anthony splayed his hands over her back, pulling her close to him. The feel of her bare breasts against his chest drove her wild and she moaned against his lips while her hips undulated against his.

When she felt like she might combust from the tension of it all, Pen took Anthony's arousal in her hand, positioned him in the right spot, and lowered herself onto him. They moaned and moved together with her riding him, their bodies pressed together, their mouths exploring each other.

"You are so fucking sexy," Anthony whispered, kissing along her jaw to nip at her earlobe. She shivered and cradled his head to her, fingers splayed in his hair. He was the first man to ever think she was sexy, and as far as she was concerned the only one that mattered.

He moved his hips in rhythm with her, driving himself deep inside her with every thrust. The different angle was hitting all kinds of wonderful places within her and Pen was soon climbing rapidly towards her release.

"Don't stop," she begged him breathlessly. His lips and hands were everywhere, leaving her every nerve on fire in their wake.

"Never," he promised, nuzzling into the crook of her neck.

Suddenly Anthony flipped Pen so she was laying sideways on the sofa cushions and he was braced with one knee on the sofa and one foot on the floor. He shifted her legs so they draped over his shoulders and leaned over her, driving hard and fast into her. Pen arched and writhed beneath him, holding onto the pillow that had somehow appeared behind her head for dear life.

Finally, when Pen thought she would lose her mind from the tension building in her, she threw her head back in a silent scream as a powerful orgasm washed over her. He kept moving in her, coming seconds behind her with a loud groan. Very carefully he lowered her legs off his shoulders and collapsed on top of her, his head nestled between her chin and her breasts.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke, too breathless from the heat of the moment.

"If I had known getting engaged to you was going to turn me on this much, I would have done it a month ago like I planned," Anthony remarked, his chuckles reverberating against her belly.

"Who knew proposals were such an aphrodisiac?" Pen shot back.

He moved his head to look up at her "I don't know how I became lucky enough to be loved by you but I'm not going to take it–or you–for granted."

She smiled lovingly down at him as she brushed his hair back with her fingers. "I'm the one who's lucky. I never thought I could ever be this happy with my life. I figured good enough was as good as it was ever going to get. You showed me there could be more."

Reluctantly, Anthony sat up, pulling her into a sitting position beside him. "Likewise. Taking care of my family and keeping the business afloat are the only things that have been keeping me going the last ten years. Then I walked into that bar and you started flirting with me, and everything changed forever." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

Pen's eyes welled with tears at the sweetness of the moment. "I love you so much," she whispered through the tears.

"I love you too."

The moment Colin was being shoveled into a towncar by his next oldest brother, he knew he'd hit rock bottom. He'd had a couple of drinks before arriving at his mother's party, and a couple more when he arrived to build up his nerve to talk to Pen, and somewhere along the lines things turned a little bit hazy.

Only when he was doubled over, holding his throbbing–and not in a good way–crotch, did the fog clear. Blood pumped in his ears, making it hard to hear anything, but his vision began to come into focus. He managed to look up in time to see Pen being hustled out of the room and his sister Eloise looking at him with a mix of pity and disgust. Not a great combination.

Ben came running in and El stopped him, speaking quietly in his ear. Ben's expression turned to thunder and Colin braced to be kicked a second time. Instead, though, Ben hauled him to his feet. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ben demanded, loud enough to cut through the buzzing in Colin's ears. Colin winced and pulled his head away.

"I don't know!" he admitted. "I didn't mean to–I don't even know why–" He began stammering and babbling as his brain tried to connect the dots of the last few minutes. Ben took his phone out of his pocket and did something with one hand while he held Colin upright with the other.

"You're a fucking mess," Ben spat at him. He lacked El's pity and looked at Colin with pure disgust, an emotion he'd never expressed towards any of his siblings before. Ben was the most easygoing of the group of them, and the least likely to take offense. And somehow Colin had managed to alienate even him.

"I know," he mumbled, hanging his head. "I have no excuse."

"Damn right you don't." Ben started to head for the doorway, bringing Colin along by the arm. "You've done enough damage to that poor kid. Leave her the fuck alone." They stopped in the front hall and Ben rounded on his brother again.

"This isn't you. The Colin I know would never assault a woman. Especially one he cares about so much. What the hell is going on with you lately?"

Colin sniffed, trying to keep his humiliation at bay. "I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don't recognize myself. I found out about Pen and Anthony and I just…snapped."

"THat's bullshit and you know it. You've been in a downward spiral for a long time, that just pushed you over the edge faster." The two brothers sat on one of the padded benches just inside the foyer. Ben had a way of showing his displeasure and concern for Colin at the same time. "You've been discontent with your life a long time, brother. And you're using some pretty shit ways to cope with it. Never in the history of the world has spending your life blind drunk been a sound strategy to navigate hard times."

Colin just nodded. It was the lecture he knew was coming, but had expected it from Anthony, the self-appointed head of the family. THat it came from the usually laid-back and understanding Ben was just insult on top of injury.

"Get some help and get your head together," Ben ordered him, ruffling his hair like he used to when they were kids and he had to straighten Colin out from picking on their little sisters.

"I…" Colin sighed. "Where do I even start?"

"Rehab would be a good first step." Colin was about to object that he wasn't an addict, but as he thought about the last few months of his life, he realized he'd spent much more of it drunk than sober.

"And therapy," Ben added. "I can give you a few names–no one I know personally, but I know people who've worked with some really great ones. I'll make some calls."

The sob Colin had been fighting back finally broke free. "I fucked it all up, didn't I? I ruined everything."

"Nothing is ever ruined if you're willing to keep trying to fix it." Ben sounded like a fortune cookie, but it was exactly what Colin needed to hear. "But you have to be ready to do the work. THis thing isn't going to just go away in a week. You have to fix your head, then you can slowly begin to fix the relationships you destroyed."

For a long moment neither of them said anything. A black towncar pulled up outside and they stood up.

"Think she'll ever forgive me?" Colin asked. No need to specify who he was talking about.

"I think so. She's a pretty forgiving person. But it's going to take time and effort on your part. For now, don't think about her. Think about fixing things with yourself. Work on this relationship." He pointed to Colin's heart. More fortune cookie bullshit.

Ben helped him out to the car and gave the driver his address. Before closing the door, he looked back at Colin.

"You still have a chance to make this right, but to do that you need to get your own shit together. So focus on that, and the rest will come when the time is right."

Colin just nodded and slumped in the back seat as Ben closed the door and waved the driver off. He'd really fucked up his life this time, and the person he usually turned to to help him fix his fuck-ups was the person he'd fucked up with the most. The urge to ask the driver to stop at a bar on the way home was almost overwhelming, but he stayed silent. Ben was right, it was time to get his act together and fix his own life.

Chapter 24: Bleeding Love

Summary:

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Colin apologizes to Pen and expresses his desire to renew their friendship when she's ready to trust him again. Anthony comes home and has a surprising reaction to Colin's self-improvement journey.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The next month was the happiest Pen could ever remember being. She and Anthony were back in their groove, she was actually making progress on her book, and Anthony was getting better at delegating at work so he was in the office a lot less than he had been before. The only slight hiccup had been when she took him to her mother's for dinner to announce their engagement. Her mother expressed complete shock that Anthony would ever consider Penelope as a life partner, and made several not-so-veiled implications that perhaps Anthony could use some of his vast wealth to improve the life circumstances of Pen's mother and sisters. Pen jumped in immediately to make it very clear that was not about to happen.

Her mother had been given many opportunities to improve her circumstances, but refused to cut costs and risk letting appearances slip even a little bit. Everyone knew the Featheringtons were broke, but Portia seemed to live in deep denial about it, convinced that if she wore nice enough clothes and owned enough expensive furnishings, she could fool the world. Pen had gone over Portia's finances with her in the past to show her where costs could easily be cut that would give her some breathing room in her budget, but her mother refused to budge.

After that dinner, Anthony set up an account for Pen's family, as he couldn't abide the idea of them living in poverty if he could do something to prevent it, but they agreed not to say anything about it until and unless Portia made real efforts at curbing her spending and taking real, constructive action towards improving her own situation.

The wedding was going to be fully funded by the Bridgertons, a matter in which Violet would brook no argument. She insisted, claiming she'd long considered Penelope to be a part of the family and it was the same she would do for any of her actual daughters. Pen was grateful not to have to have that awkward conversation with her mother, but couldn't shake the feeling that she was taking advantage of them.

One afternoon, about a month after Anthony proposed, Pen was home alone writing when there was a knock on the front door of the penthouse. Normally the front desk alerted them to any visitors, so having someone come by unexpectedly was unusual. She crossed the apartment and checked the peephole to find Colin standing on the other side of the door. It surprised her that Colin wasn't on a blocked list at the front desk, but Anthony mentioned that Colin had only been here a handful of times so it was possible it hadn't occurred to him.

A very large part of her wanted to ignore him and hope he went away. She couldn't forget the way he touched her the last time they spoke alone. Did he know Anthony wasn't home? Was he counting on her being alone and helpless?

Before answering the door, Pen dialed the front desk.

"Hi Carlo, it's Penelope. Could you do me a favor and send someone up to the penthouse? Ask them to only come in if I call for them. No, I'm fine, I'll explain later." She hung up and opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded of Colin in the place of a greeting.

"Hi, Pen," he said sadly, ignoring her question. He looked more uncertain than she had ever seen him and she had to steel herself against his vulnerability. He didn't deserve her sympathy.

"What are you doing here?" she repeated, blocking the doorway with her body.

"I wanted to talk to you and I wasn't sure if you would meet me somewhere else—not that I would blame you for turning me down." He looked down at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck.

"So you decided to impose on me at home?" Holding the door open with her hip, she folded her arms across her chest.

"It was the only thing I could think of." He held his hands up. "I promise I won't touch you, you don't even have to let me inside. I just wanted to say some things and apologize. After that I'll leave and I'll never come here again unless I'm invited. Please?"

At least he understood why she was hesitant to allow him inside. For a long moment, she considered her options. Of course her first instinct was to tell him to fuck off and slam the door in his face. She didn't owe him anything. But something seemed changed about him, something she couldn't put her finger on yet.

"Security is on the way up here," she informed him. "If you lay a single finger on me I'll scream and they'll haul you away. Do you understand?"

Colin blinked at the ice in her tone, but nodded quickly. "Absolutely. I will keep my hands in my pockets the whole time, I swear."

"Don't swear, I won't believe you anyway," Pen remarked before stepping aside to let him in. He kept as large a gap between them as possible as he walked inside. He didn't go to the living room to sit down, but stood in the entry.

"Thank you, Pen. I know, and I know you know, you don't owe me a damn thing. I wouldn't have blamed you if you slammed the door right in my face." He shoved his hands in his pockets, lifting his shoulders up to his ears in the process. "I don't know if I would have let me in if I were in your shoes."

"Then why don't you say what you have to say before I change my mind." She refused to be pulled into his poor-me routine again.

"I came to apologize. I screwed up so many times, in so many ways." For the first time since she opened the door, he met her eyes. "There is no excuse for what I did so I won't offer one. After Mom's party I realized how fucked up I let everything get. I hit rock bottom."

"I'm glad you realize that," Pen interjected. The ice around her heart when it came to him was beginning to thaw ever so slightly.

"I did—I do. I've been seeing a therapist, and I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since that night. For the first time in a long time, I've got my head on straight." He looked up to the ceiling and blew out a breath, seemingly to try to center himself. "You are the most important person in my life, and I destroyed what we had. I blew it up for no reason. I should have been happy that you found someone who made you happy, but I got jealous and acted like a creep." He shook his head as he looked back at her again. "I will never forgive myself."

A long, pregnant pause stretched out between them while Penelope digested what he said. No excuses, no pleading for forgiveness, no attempts to earn her sympathy. He was being honest with her, or so it appeared at least, without any expectation of getting anything from her in return.

"What do you expect me to say?" she asked him at last.

"Nothing. I mean, I have no expectations of you. I just wanted to give you a long-overdue apology and assure you it won't happen again. I'm working hard on myself to make sure it won't." He took one very cautious step towards her, giving her plenty of time and space to back away. She didn't, for the moment at least.

"Do you think this fixes everything and we can just go back to the way we were before Anthony and I got together?" Pen still didn't believe this was all a selfless act with Colin wanting nothing in return from her. How could she, after all the times he'd claimed to be sorry before?

"No, I know we can't." He hung his head. "I broke what we had forever. I get that. I know we can't ever be like we were. My hope is, in time, maybe we can become something new. That is, of course, based completely on your timeline and comfort level. I know it will take time to show you that you can trust me. I blew that up along with our friendship." She saw tears in his eyes before he blinked them away.

"You are still the most important person in my life, Pen. I will never stop hating myself for the way I treated you. And I'll never stop trying to show you that I'm a better man now. A man you can trust with your friendship."

"I don't know if I can believe that," Pen said quietly. She wanted to, desperately, but too much had happened.

"That's fair. I'm not expecting anything today, or next week. Whenever you decide, if you ever decide, that you're interested in trying to have some kind of relationship, I'll be here. And until then, I'm going to leave you alone. After today I won't bother you anymore. I'll always be around if you need me, but I'll wait to hear from you first."

Again Pen was stunned into silence. While Colin had been talking, she'd been watching for any sign of duplicity or deception but found none. Granted, she clearly had some kind of soft spot where Colin was concerned, but in this moment he seemed genuinely contrite.

"Thank you for your apology," she said with a soft smile. "I'm glad you're getting some help working through things. I hope it brings positive changes to your life."

"Me too. I meant what I said, Pen. Losing your friendship is the biggest regret of my life and I'm going to do everything I can to get it back, even if it doesn't look the same. In fact, I hope it doesn't."

"You're getting ahead of yourself. I'm not sure if I can get past everything that's happened the last few months."

He nodded. "Of course. I didn't expect you to right now. I'm still processing it all myself. I keep thinking it was some other guy behaving that way. It doesn't feel like me. But I know it was me, I did all of it, and I'm learning how to deal with the consequences."

"Well…good luck." What else was there for her to say?

He gave a sad smile. "Thanks. I'll get out of your way now. I appreciate you letting me apologize to you in person." Giving her a wide berth, Colin passed her and headed back for the door. When eh was shoulder to shoulder with her, he paused. "I…I'd like to give you a hug, but only if you're comfortable with it."

She blinked, stunned by his simple, honest request. Considering the last two times she'd seen him, he had practically assaulted her, the very fact that he was giving her the power to say no spoke volumes about the work he was doing.

"I…suppose that would be okay." By now the security guard would be just outside the door and was only a scream away, so Pen felt safe enough to allow it. The way he handled this would give her an idea of the depth of his sincerity.

Colin's face broke into a bright, hopeful smile. He moved very deliberately, giving her plenty of room to back away and change her mind, but she stood her ground. His arms came around her midsection in a gentle embrace. He didn't move his hands down her back even an inch. Pen wrapped her arms around his shoulders and closed her eyes. She had missed this. Colin's hugs had always felt like her safe place until recently. No matter how conflicted her feelings about him as a person had been, she never felt as safe and protected as she did when he hugged her.

"I'm so sorry, Pen," Colin murmured in her ear in a tearful voice. "I'm so fucking sorry."

Pen rubbed his back in slow, steady circles. "That's nice to hear."

She was careful not to let the hug go on too long to avoid tempting fate. As she and Colin were stepping away from each other, the front door opened and Anthony practically ran through.

"Pen?" He took in the sight of her and Colin. "Are you alright? Carlo called me and told me you asked for security."

"I'm fine," she assured him. "Colin came by to apologize and I wanted backup nearby in case…" In case he assaulted her again, she added silently.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Anthony demanded at Colin now that he was sure Pen was okay.

"I came to apologize to Pen." Again Colin shoved his hands in his pockets and raised his shoulders. "I've been working on getting myself together and I knew I owed her an apology and to let her—and you now—know that what happened at mom's party won't ever happen again. I'm sober and in therapy to make sure of that."

Anthony looked between Colin and Pen with a stormy expression. He wasn't buying Colin's story.

"It's true," Pen assured him. "He just came by to apologize and accept responsibility for what happened."

Anthony glared at his brother. "Are you done then?" Colin nodded. "Great. I'm glad you're finally accepting accountability for your life. Now get the hell out of my home."

Colin hung his head and walked past Anthony.

"I know I owe you an apology, too. And you'll get it. But hers was the most important and covered the most amount of time."

"You'll excuse me if I don't hold my breath." Anthony wasn't giving Colin an inch.

"That's fair. I'll go now." Colin left without further argument. Neither Anthony or Pen took a real breath until they heard the elevator ding and the doors open.

Pen stood awkwardly in the middle of the entry, feeling like she was the one under examination.

"Why did you let him in?" Anthony asked quietly.

"He said he wanted to apologize and I believed him. I made sure security was close by just in case."

"Just in case? Pen, if you're afraid someone might assault you, you don't invite them into your fucking house!" It was the second time he had raised his voice to her. Pen stumbled back a step, shocked at his sudden temper.

"He didn't go anywhere near me. He just wanted to talk and tell me about how hard he's working on himself." She felt the need to defend Colin's intentions for this visit.

"It didn't look like he was keeping his distance when I walked in." There was something dark and angry in his eyes that forced Pen to look away.

"He was leaving and asked to give me a hug. It was my decision."

"Jesus Christ, Pen! After what happened at my mom's party, and at the airport, why would you trust him to come within ten feet of you? Are you just forgetting about all that now?"

"I was totally safe, Anthony. Security was a scream away. I felt like he's really trying to be better. I believe it when he states he's putting in the work on himself."

"How are you so trusting of him? He assaulted you, Pen! He forced himself on you. How are you just okay with that now?" He was the angriest she'd ever seen him, all of it directed at her. Pen backed away from him by a couple of steps.

"I'm not okay with it and I haven't forgotten. But he's really trying to be better. He told me he's trying to be a better man and I believe him."

"Should I be worried?" Anthony spat out. "Colin with his shit together would make him everything you ever wanted, right? That was the piece missing before, wasn't it? His shit was a mess. Now he's fixing that and he's realized what you mean to him. So I guess it all works out for you."

Pen recoiled as if he'd struck her. His accusations were ugly. "Are you saying I got together with you to manipulate Colin into improving himself and get him to—what?—discover he's secretly in love with me? You think this was all some long-game con I pulled on you to get to him?" She felt disgusted. "Fuck you." With tears filling her eyes, she grabbed her purse off the entry table and slung it over her shoulder. "Goodbye, Anthony."

She got a quick glimpse of Anthony's panicked face before she slammed the door behind her and fled into the night.

Notes:

I couldn't make things too easy for Anthony and Pen, could I?

We're closing in on the end. Should I reuse the scene from my first chapter, with some tweaks now that I know the characters better? Or should I write a whole new scene?

As always, please share your thoughts on this chapter with me and your hopes for future chapters.

Chapter 25: The Story of Us

Summary:

I used to know my place was the spot next to you

Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat

'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.

Penelope and Anthony each process their big fight and El has some valuable words of wisdom for her friend.

Chapter Text

Pride kept Anthony from chasing after Pen and groveling until she came back inside with him. He had put his pride aside over and over out of respect for the relationship she shared with his brother for the last decade, but he had hit his limit. She had let a man who'd assaulted her twice into their home, without him there to protect her. The speed with which she'd believed Colin that he was truly a new man got under his skin too. Was there no crime great enough that Pen would finally wash her hands of him?

He went over to the glass and iron bar cart and poured himself a large portion of whiskey, hoping to calm his rage so he could think.

Anthony had visions of a life spent in competition for Pen's attention, if not her heart. He believed Pen when she said she loved him, but it was clear she still held strong affection for Colin despite her claims of the opposite. He refused to spend the rest of his days always wondering if this would be the day Pen finally chose Colin over him and left into his younger brother's open arms. Accusing her of using their relationship to push Colin into fixing his life was a low blow, he admitted, but he also admitted to himself that he wasn't totally sure it wasn't true.

The image of Pen and Colin embracing filled his mind. With a growl of rage, Anthony threw his crystal whiskey glass at the wall as hard as he could, relishing the satisfying crunch as it shattered on impact. He needed to break something and a glass seemed like a small sacrifice.

As he paced the apartment, his temper eased and another thought crept in. Pen had been overlooked by everyone her entire life. She had come to expect it. It was to be expected that she would do everything she could to hang onto the few people in her circle. As much as he hated it, that included Colin. Even through everything that had happened the last few months, it would likely be difficult for her to shrink her support system even further. Especially when Pen's nature was to look for the best in everyone. Cutting Colin off would mean that she no longer had hope for his redemption, and Anthony couldn't see her ever coming to that conclusion about anyone, much less one of her closest friends.

Taking his phone out of his pocket, he typed out a message to Pen.

Please let me know you're okay.

He wasn't quite ready to apologize, largely because he wasn't sure he was actually in the wrong in this situation, but he still wanted her to know he was concerned for her well-being. Every second that passed before he got a response made him more anxious. He should have gone after to ensure her safety if nothing else.

Finally, he saw three dots appear at the bottom of the screen, indicating she was typing.

I'm safe.

That was all she said. No location, no apology, no declaration of love. Just two words. It stung, but at least she let him know she was alright. She could very well have ignored his text and then he'd be up all night worrying about her. He would still be up all night worrying, of course, but not about her physical safety. Maybe it was better for them to have their space tonight so they could both think about things and could talk when emotions weren't so high. That didn't make it any easier. Even though he was mad at the way she handled things, and for the doubts that had planted themselves in his mind, he still missed her like crazy.

Pen sat curled up on El and Phillip's sofa, throw blanket over her lap, clutching the cup of tea El had just given her.

"That doesn't sound like Anthony at all," El remarked after Pen told her about their fight. "At least not since he got with you. That sounds like old, hothead Anthony."

"I guess I just pushed him past his limit," Pen observed tearfully. "He's never yelled at me like that. Ever."

Phil had very smartly holed himself up in the bedroom he shared with El to give her and Pen some privacy.

"Jealousy is a hell of a drug," El observed.

"Jealousy?" Pen sat up straighter. "Why would he be jealous? I've told him a hundred times how much I love him. He has no reason to be jealous."

"Your first mistake is thinking jealousy is a conscious choice. It's a gut reaction. You can't always help it. Especially when the person you're jealous of is your own brother."

"He should know that I'm not interested in Colin that way. Not anymore. I've told him over and over." Pen scowled. Did Anthony have so little faith in her? Did he not trust her to know her own heart?

El flopped down on the other end of the sofa. "Let me put it this way. What if Siena just turned up one day and wanted to be Anthony's friend, and he agreed? Are you telling me that there's zero part of you that would have doubts about him having a friendship with her?"

Pen floundered for a response for a moment. "That's different. He and Siena were together. They had a physical relationship. Colin and I never even dated. Everything was totally one-sided."

"Right. You were in love with him. And now he's back in your life, fixing all the stuff in his life that kept you guys from getting involved before. He's becoming the Colin you always wanted, and Anthony has a front row seat to all of it." El looked down into her own drink, considering her next words. "I hate to say this—you have no idea how much—but I kind of get where Anthony is coming from on this."

"You're on his side?" Pen demanded. "You think it's all my fault? I ruined everything by letting Colin apologize?"

"If I were totally on his side, do you think I'd let you crash here? I'm just saying…I kind of see where he's coming from. Colin has let you down again and again, and you keep giving him another chance to hurt you all over again."

"So I shouldn't support him in his recovery and self-discovery journey?" It sounded so grasping and desperate.

"No, you can still support him, but maybe not from the passenger seat. Maybe watch from the sidewalk this time. Give him a thumbs-up when he drives by so he knows you're there, but don't get in the car with him in case it goes off a cliff."

Pen sipped her tea while she thought over El's words. It didn't seem like Eloise ever paid all that much attention to her relationship with Anthony, but apparently she noticed more than she let on.

"I…see what you mean," Pen allowed at last. "I have to find a way to be there for Colin in spirit but from a safe distance."

"I know this is your least favorite word in the world, but I think it's time to set some boundaries." El paused and eyed her friend. "Unless…Anthony was right."

"Right about what?" Pen asked, her eyes snapping to meet El's.

"Right about looking at Colin differently now that he's taking down all the roadblocks that got in your way before. Do you think you might….want to pursue a relationship with him after all?"

"NO!" Pen's reaction was instant and soul-deep. "Never. I would never trade Anthony for Colin. There's way too much water under the bridge. Too many things have happened. I wish Colin well in his recovery, and I'm willing to support him as much as possible, but I have no interest in a romantic relationship with him."

"So if you and Anthony weren't together, and Colin came up to you and asked you if you wanted to go out with him, there's no part of you that would consider it?"

Pen's blood ran cold at the suggestion that she and Anthony would actually break up. She had viewed this as just a fight they would work through. She'd never considered the possibility that Anthony would end things over it.

El must have seen the panic on her face because she leaned forward and put a hand on Pen's knee. "Hey, it was a hypothetical. I didn't mean to imply you guys are going to break up. This is just a fight. I'm sure he'll be here on his knees first thing tomorrow morning begging for your forgiveness."

"Forgiveness for what?" Pen asked, her hands now shaking. "I thought you just said this was all my fault."

"I did not, Pen. I said I can see why he would be feeling upset. But he shouldn't have lashed out at you the way he did. He should have tried to talk things out instead of hurling accusations."

Tears welled in Pen's eyes as the gravity of everything finally hit her. Warranted or not, Anthony clearly had very deep-seeded doubts about her commitment to their relationship. That wasn't something that could be resolved easily. Maybe he would decide things weren't worth fixing; that she wasn't worth the trouble.

El scooted closer to Pen and put an arm around her. "Hey, don't panic. I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing. Anthony loves you more than anything. He's not going to walk away after one fight."

"How can you be sure?" Pen asked, her voice thick with unshed tears.

"Because he's my big brother and I know him better than I know myself. And if he even thinks about walking away I will track him down and beat him senseless." Pen let out a water laugh. "Trust me, Pen, you guys will be fine."

"El, how do I fix this? How do I show him that there's no one but him for me?"

"Telling him that is a good start. And I think you need to take a step back from Colin. You've been his safety net long enough. If he really does want to change, he needs to be able to stand on his own feet without leaning on you."

Pen thought about El's advice. "You're saying to make Anthony happy I have to cut Colin out of my life?"

"No, not completely. Just…maybe take a step back, at least for a while. Not just for him but for yourself. Your life has been enmeshed with Colin's for a long time. You deserve a chance to figure yourself out apart from him. He's been a main character in your life for over ten years. It's time for him to become supporting cast."

Pen couldn't help but laugh. "What's with all the metaphors? First driving, now acting."

El blushed and shrugged. "I don't know. It seemed like the best way to get my point across."

"It was effective. I get what you're saying, and you're right." She raked a hand through her hair. "Saying no to Colin isn't something I've ever been very good at."

"Time to learn then. Once you get used to it, it's not so hard. I do it all the time." Grinning, El pushed herself up off the sofa. "Do you need anything before I turn in for the night? You seem like you're in a better headspace now."

"I'm all set, and thank you for letting me stay."

"Anything for you, Pen." El and Pen hugged and then El went to join Phillip in their bedroom. Pen finished her tea and laid down, but sleep was slow to come. She kept replaying her fight with Anthony and the advice Eloise had given her. El was right, of course. Pen wasn't a little lovesick girl anymore, and it was time to let go of her first love and focus on her last. Colin filled her past but Anthony was her future.

It was the wee hours of the morning by the time Pen was finally able to calm her mind enough to fall asleep.

El was cleaning up from breakfast and Pen was curled back up in the same spot on the couch from the night before, sipping her coffee, when there was a knock on the door. The two friends looked at each other, knowing exactly who it was.

"You ready?" El asked, willing to turn her own brother away if Pen asked her to.

"As ready as I'm going to be, I think." Pen uncurled her legs from underneath her and set her cup down on the coffee table while Pen crossed to open the door. Sure enough, Anthony was on the other side, looking so deliciously rumpled that Pen could almost feel her mouth watering. He of course looked breathtaking when he was perfectly groomed and dressed to the nines, but she preferred him with messy hair and stubble, maybe because she so rarely got to see it.

"Is she here?" he asked his sister without preamble.

"She is." El blocked him from entrance with her body. "Are you going to be nice?"

"I just want to talk, El. Let me in." He spoke through gritted teeth. If he was already barely holding onto his temper, Pen was not optimistic about what was coming. But then, she also knew she deserved whatever anger he directed at her. El had helped her see the error of her ways and she was prepared to accept responsibility for the whole thing.

"It's okay," Pen said to Eloise in a small voice.

"You sure?" El asked, looking over her shoulder. Pen nodded, and El stepped aside to let Anthony in.

They'd been apart for just over twelve hours, but Pen felt as if they'd been separated for months. Given her talk with El the night before, it was like she was seeing Anthony as a whole new person. They stood there, across the room from each other, for several seconds, each both afraid to make a move. Finally Pen couldn't take it anymore and she practically ran to him, tears trailing down her cheeks for the pain she had caused him.

Any fears that she would be put off were immediately cast aside when Anthony caught her and wrapped her tightly in his arms.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his chest. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," Anthony said as he made soothing sounds and rubbed her back. Sensing their need for privacy, El grabbed her purse.

"I'm off to…somewhere else. You guys talk. Don't have sex on my couch." With those words of wisdom, she shut the door behind her, leaving Pen and Anthony alone.

Chapter 26: Breathe

Summary:

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable

And life's like an hourglass glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button, girl

So cradle your head in your hands

And breathe, just breathe

Oh, breathe, just breathe

Pen and Anthony talk about their fight and begin to have a deeper understanding of each other.

Notes:

See Author's Note at the end of the chapter, but TL; DR is that I've been getting hate for writing a Penthony story and it's taken the enjoyment out of it for me so for now I'm leaving Pen and Anthony here. I hope to come back to them at some point in the not-too-distant future and finish properly.

Chapter Text

"I'm so sorry," Pen repeated after El left them alone. "You have every right to be upset with me. I was thoughtless."

"You were trying to give support to an old friend," Anthony countered, but his tone seemed empty. Clearly they still had a lot to discuss. If it took the rest of her life, she would show him that he had no cause to doubt her love for him and never would.

"An old friend is not more important than the man I love." Pen splayed her hands on Anthony's chest, too ashamed to look him in the eye. "El helped me see things clearly. To see what I was doing to you."

"El did?" he asked, in disbelief that his sister could be sensible.

"She was surprisingly wise." Pen looked down at her feet. "I've been insecure my whole life. I'm always waiting for people to get tired of me and walk away. It honestly never occurred to me that someone like you—attractive, wealthy, successful—could ever feel insecure about my feelings."

"You didn't think I was capable of doubting myself?" The disbelief in his tone drove home how obtuse she'd been.

"Honestly? No." Finally she dared to look up at his face. "You always seem so confident, so sure of yourself."

"Pen, I carry a multi-billion dollar company on my shoulders. I have to look like I'm confident in my choices or no one will ever trust me to lead."

"You fake it well then. I just never imagined anything I could do would make you second-guess how I feel about you. I love you, Anthony. More than I ever imagined I could love anyone. It kills me that I gave you any reason to question that fact. I will never forgive myself." She had to find a way to make him understand.

"I've never questioned the fact that you love me," Anthony said gently, rubbing her arms comfortingly. "I just…thought maybe you might love Colin more. Or equally, but different. He's known you so much longer than I have—I mean really known you. I realize we've both known of you for the same amount of time."

"He doesn't know me," Pen countered. "He knows the girl I used to be, or used to convince him I was. Colin has never known me as an adult. As a woman. He never tried to, really. And I don't think I've ever really known him. It never dawned on me he might have a substance abuse problem. I knew he had issues, but until he came to see me I never saw how broken he really was."

Guilty tears welled in her eyes. "I let myself see what I wanted to see and ignored all the cracks. If I'd been more focused on the real Colin instead of the fantasy I had in my head, maybe things would have turned out differently."

"You mean maybe he'd be with you right now instead of me?" His accusation stung like a dagger.

"No! That's not what I meant. I'm saying this all wrong." Pen backed away from him. "I need you to understand. Whatever my feelings used to be, there is no part of me—zero—that wishes I was with him instead of you. I have no desire to ever be more than friends with him, and even then I can't see us ever being close again."

The skepticism in his silence was tangible.

Pen looked down again and took a breath to keep herself from falling apart. It was time to be strong. "I meant that maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much time being in love with him, and we could have found happy relationships sooner. Maybe you and I would have gotten together sooner, could have had more time together."

"Anthony, I've never known anyone like you. And no one has ever made me feel as comfortable with myself as you do. I'm yours, completely. I wish I knew the right words to make you see into my heart so you could see that the only name there is yours, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm so sorry, Anthony. I hope you can forgive me someday." Her strength was rapidly fading as she became more aware of the possibility that he might not be able to get past her history with his brother.

"Please," she continued, her voice thick with emotion. "Please don't tell me I've ruined everything we have with one stupid conversation. I'll never speak to him again if that's what will make you feel safe with me." To her horror, she started to hyperventilate at the idea of a future without Anthony in it, entirely due to her own lack of forethought.

"Shhh…" Anthony took her in his arms and rubbed her back slowly. "Pen, breathe. Just breathe."

He held her tight against him and took long, slow breaths. Without realizing it she began to breathe along with him and could feel the panic drift away. Once she was calm again, he held her at arms' length and leaned down so they were eye-to-eye.

"One fight is not going to destroy us, Pen, okay?" He waited for her to nod in understanding. "I'm sorry I made you think that was a possibility. I reacted poorly and I needed some time to think. But at no point did about ending this. Do you understand me?" Again he waited for a nod.

He led Pen over to the sofa and guided her to sit down, then sat next to her and put a hand on her knee.

"I've never been a jealous man, even when it might have been to my benefit to be a bit more suspicious of other men around my partners. I've never been afraid that my partner would leave me for a better man. I guess I was cocky enough to think there was no such thing." He smiled bitterly at his own arrogance. "But then I fell in love with you and I saw how Colin started looking at you. I know you'd never cheat, but I started to be afraid that the history you shared was too big a mountain for me to cross. But I told myself Colin was too much of a mess to be a real partner to you and you were smart enough to know that…Then I came home and found him in our home. When he told me he was getting his act together, suddenly he became real competition."

"He's not!" Pen argued immediately. "That's what I'm trying to—" Anthony held up hand to stop her.

"I know that now. But in the moment, it was my worst fear. Colin, the man you used to love, finally becoming worthy of that love…I thought it would be too much to pass up."

"Anthony, no." Pen held his hand in both of hers. "When he came to talk to me, I was happy for him as a friend, but nothing more. I need you to know that."

"I do," he assured her softly. "I trust you completely." He ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"I think part of me was also scared," he admitted after a moment.

"Scared of what?" What could Anthony Bridgerton possibly have to be scared of in regards to her?

"I've never shown as much of myself to anyone as I have to you. That's part of what destroyed my relationship with—my last relationship." He didn't want to mention Siena by name, it seemed. "I kept pieces of myself back out of pride and fear. But not with you. I've been completely myself with you and I was afraid that maybe it was too much, or maybe still not enough. I was afraid I'd done something to drive you into my brother's arms."

"Oh Anthony, no!" It was her turn to be the one to offer comfort and she moved closer to him to cradle his cheek in her hand. "I love every part of you, even the ones that make me crazy sometimes. I'm so honored that you feel that you can share your true self with me and I've never taken that for granted."

They just looked at each other for a moment as if seeing one another clearly for the first time. Pen had never thought she mattered enough to make Anthony jealous or insecure. Anthony had been afraid that showing her his true self was driving her away. Now they had a deeper understanding of each other's hearts and minds.

"I love you so much," Pen whispered before kissing him softly. Anthony immediately kissed her back as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. The kiss quickly escalated as relief in their reconciliation was replaced with a need to physically claim each other again.

Even though it almost killed her, Pen pulled back. "El asked us not to mess around on her sofa."

Anthony huffed. "Damnit, she did." She had to laugh at how put-out he looked.

Standing up from the sofa, she held out her hand to him. "Let's go home."

Author's Note*

I've been getting a lot of hate recently for writing a Penthony story, and as much as I try to shut out the noise, it's taken the fun out of the process for me for the moment. Since the story is semi-wrapped up, I'm going to leave it here for now but I hope to come back at some point and give it a proper conclusion. I'm sincerely sorry to everyone who's waited patiently for updates, but I just can't find the love of it right now and I don't want to give you a half-hearted effort. Writing this has renewed my love of writing in general and I have really enjoyed seeing everyone's feedback. I will continue to work on my other ongoing story soon.

My hope is that in a few weeks or months I'll feel inspired again and give Pen and Anthony the wrap-up they deserve. Thank you for understanding.

Chapter 27: The Way You Look Tonight

Summary:

Someday, when I'm awfully low

When the world is cold

I will feel a glow just thinking of you

And the way you look tonight

Pen and Anthony prepare for their engagement party. An unexpected disruption brings about a change of heart for Anthony.

Notes:

I'm baaaaaaack!

Thank you everyone who sent me words of encouragement while I took a little break from this story. It really meant a lot to me.

This is probably the second-to-last chapter of this story, maybe third-to-last if I'm feeling ambitious. I hope you all enjoy it. As always, feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think!

P.S. I'm including a photo of Pen's party dress as I see it in my head at the end of the chapter.

Chapter Text

Pen and Anthony's reconciliation happened just in time for the engagement party Violet hosted for them the following weekend. Anthony and El decided it would be better not to mention the fight to their mother, especially so close to the party. It would only stress her out further on top of all the preparations happening. Since the issue was quickly resolved, no mention of the fight was even necessary.

A few days before the party, Pen sent Colin a text. She told him that she was glad he was doing so well and she wished for nothing but good things and success in his recovery and future. She added that, though she would always be rooting for him, she needed to focus on her own future plans and goals and so she requested he give her some time and space. It was the hardest thing she'd ever had to write but El had showed her how necessary it was to create some space between her life and Colin's. When he didn't immediately reply, she decided he was respecting her wishes, and didn't think further on it.

The day of the party dawned with a crystal clear sky in the most beautiful blue she'd ever seen. The hopeless romantic in Pen hoped it was a good omen for her future life with Anthony. The two of them got only a couple of hours together before Anthony left to go to Bridgerton House to help with any last-minute preparations for the party. Pen was forbidden from lifting a finger to help, as Violet insisted that the bride had enough work to do to plan a wedding; an engagement party was the mother's job–or in this case, the future mother-in-law.

Pen allowed herself a leisurely bath while she drank her coffee, followed by an hour working on her novel. Anthony had made her a reservation at her favorite spa, where she was driven by Anthony's private car. At the spa, she got a massage, deep conditioning treatment, and had a leg and bikini wax–the latter was a spur of the moment decision that she was sure would surprise Anthony when he discovered it later. The final preparation at the spa included having her hair and makeup professionally done. Her make-up was natural and fresh-looking, with a soft pink lip and eyeshadow in shades of pale pink and light brown. Fake lashes and some expertly applied eyeliner made her eyes look impossibly large and disney princess-like.

By the time one of the attendants was helping her into her blush-colored dress and nude heels, Pen felt relaxed and pampered in a way she couldn't ever recall experiencing before. Pen's dress was blush-colored tulle with tiny flowers embroidered all over it. The bodice was corsetted, with an off-the-shoulder neckline and full sheer sleeves that gathered at the wrist. A thin pink satin ribbon around her waist differentiated top from skirt. It was the most romantic, dreamy dress she'd ever worn. Completing the ensemble was a pair of glitter pointy-toed pumps with a dainty strap that wrapped around her ankle.

As Pen walked out of the spa to head for the party, the black towncar had been replaced by a white limo. The only way she knew it was her intended ride was that Anthony's driver stood by the rear passenger door, ready to open it for her. Pen adjusted her off-white pashima shawl over her shoulders to fend against the autumn chill, and made her way to the car. She smiled at the driver as he opened her door.

When she got in the limo, she gasped in delight when she saw Anthony already in the back seat, holding two glasses of champagne.

"Anthony!" she shrieked happily as she leaned over and kissed him. He kissed her back but grunted as the jostling made it difficult to avoid spilling their drinks. She pulled back and buckled her seatbelt as the driver gave a polite cough.

"You look absolutely beautiful," Anthony told her as he handed her a cut crystal champagne flute.

"Thank you. I feel absolutely beautiful." She held up her glass to him to cheers, then they each took a sip. Anthony looked incredible as well in a slim-fitting dark blue suit with a white shirt and blush-pink tie and pocket square that mirrored the color of her dress.

"Have you enjoyed your day so far?" he asked as he scanned over her, taking in everything that had been done since he'd seen her that morning.

"I have. I can't remember the last time I took a whole day, or I guess a half day, just to pamper myself. It was more fun than I expected." She held out her glass for a top-off, which Anthony eagerly provided.

"Well get used to it," he said with a warm smile. "As the wife of the head of the Bridgerton family, I expect you to pamper yourself often."

Pen blushed slightly. "It might take some time to adjust, but I did enjoy myself."

Anthony slipped his hand under her skirt to rest his hand on her leg, his eyebrows rising in surprise as he felt how smooth her legs were.

"I've never been waxed anywhere but my eyebrows before," she explained. "It was…an experience."

"Did you.." he cleared his throat. "Did you have them wax anything besides your legs?"

She grinned back at him. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

He made a strangled sound in the back of his throat and turned his head to look out the window.

"Anthony? What's wrong?" she asked at his sudden change of demeanor.

"Nothing, I'm trying to figure out how long we have to be front and center at the party before I can drag you off to a bedroom and investigate your claims." He turned to wink at her, and the two of them burst out laughing. This whole day had been like a dream. All her worries and concerns just faded away until the only thoughts left were about her and Anthony and the wonderful life she felt they would build together.

"I love you," she said as their laughter gradually eased.

"I love you too. So much." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, then kept their hands joined for the rest of the ride.

The party was a simple but elegant affair, bearing the trademarks of Violet's impeccable taste. White and pale pink flowers Pen couldn't begin to identify were scattered tastefully all over the main floor of the house. They wrapped around banisters, adorned tables, hung in artfully arranged balls from doorways and windows.

Soft jazz piped in from bluetooth speakers hidden throughout the main floor of the house, and a jazz quartet set up to play live in the formal dining room, just as they had the night of Violet's birthday. Pen shoved the memories of that night out of her mind. This was a different day and a very different experience. For one thing, Colin wasn't on the guest list, and he was sober, both of which greatly reduced the chances he would make a scene.

Anthony, sensing her tension, squeezed her hand. "If you get overwhelmed we can go for a walk or something." He misconstrued her painful memories as anxiety about the present. She didn't correct him, but simply nodded.

An hour later, after all the guests had trickled in–most of whom were total strangers to Pen–the toasts began. Eloise started.

"Pen has been my best friend for most of my life. Anthony has been my big brother for, well, my entire life. If you had asked me who I thought my brother would end up with, Penelope Featherington wouldn't have even made my top-ten list of suspects." Pen flinched but El gave her a look full of such love and joy that she realized it wasn't said to slight her.

"As it turns out," El continued, "the last person I would have expected turned out to be the best possible choice. My surly, grumpy, always-serious older brother has been a totally different man these last few months. He's been happy and good-humored, and I hear rumors he's even been caught laughing a time or two." The crowd laughed politely as El beamed and her brother glared at her. "And my dear friend Pen has found her voice and her confidence at last."

Raising her glass, El concluded the toast. "Here's to Anthony and Penelope. May you continue to bring out the best in each other and show us all what true love looks like." Pen was misty-eyed as she raised her glass in gratitude to her best friend.

Some chatter resumed after the toast before Anthony took center-stage.

"I guess it's my turn," he said with a self-deprecating smile. "I apologize in advance. Speeches have never been my strong suit." He cleared his throat before continuing. "Earlier this summer, in the height of the July heat wave, I arrived to a little dive bar across town to meet my brother. Instead, I found the love of my life. We didn't know that at the time, of course; I was just El's older brother and Pen was my kid sister's best friend. But gradually we realized we had more in common than either of us knew, and we became friends. Pretty quickly after that, I realized that Pen was a one-of-a-kind woman. I'd never met anyone with her generous heart, her desire to see the best in people, her incredible spirit. I knew I had to make her a permanent part of my life as soon as possible. By some miracle, she felt the same way about me, and now I'm honored that she has chosen to become my wife. Pen, I don't remember my life before you, but I know that my life is nothing without you. I love you and I can't wait to become your husband."

The crowd ooo'd and ahhh'd at the sweetness of his words, and another round of toasts made their way through.

Stepping back into the crowd, Anthony found Pen right away and kissed her tenderly, to the cheers of the party guests.

"I've got a toast!" a familiar voice rose up over the crowd. All the blood drained from Pen's face and Anthony went completely still next to her as his grip tightened almost painfully around her hand. Colin staggered into the room, champagne flute raised in the air.

"Oh no…" Pen whispered.

Benedict stepped out of the crowd and got between Colin and the happy couple.

"Why don't we go outside?" Ben asked as he began to herd his younger brother back out the door.

"But I have a toast for the happy couple," Colin argued, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Save it for later," Ben said, his tone a little sharper and his pushing a little more forceful. He and Anthony caught eyes for a moment and nodded at each other. Ben managed to force Colin away from the party with relatively little disruption, but a shocked hush fell over the party. No one knew what was going on or how to react.

Ever the gracious hostess, Violet stepped into the middle of the crowd. "Please, everyone, refresh your drinks and make your way back to the dining room for some music and dancing!"

Everyone knew better than to cross Violet Bridgerton, so they all did as they were told. Extra bottles of champagne were opened, rare vintages of red wine were brought out, and the bartender in the formal dining room poured generously. In a few minutes, the disturbance was all but forgotten–for everyone but Anthony and Pen, of course.

"I thought he…" Pen felt bitterly disappointed at the sight of Colin clearly off the wagon.

"Relapses are normal," Anthony assured her more gently than she would have expected. "I would have been shocked if he didn't have a slip-up at some point."

"Why are you so calm right now?"

"I've had some time to reflect on everything. If I were faced with the prospect of losing you to another man, my own brother at that, I would probably react badly and make some poor life decisions." Anthony downed the rest of his drink. "Let me go talk to him. You enjoy the party."

"But I–"

"Pen, you're the bride. People are going to notice if you disappear. I'll be back soon." He set his empty glass down on a passing tray.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, her voice weak and shaky from the stress of it all.

"Just talk, I promise. But if he comes at me, all bets are off." The steely determination in his eyes told her he was preparing for exactly that. Reluctantly, she nodded and watched him walk away from her. Violet sent Pen a concerned look across the crowd and Pen could do nothing but shrug.

UZN Women's Puffy Sleeve Tulle Prom Dresses Tea Length Pink Flower Lace Formal Evening Gowns

Chapter 28: Bad Blood

Summary:

'Cause baby, now we got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you've done

'Cause baby, now we got bad blood

Anthony and Colin finally have it out over Penelope. Anthony offers Colin a solution by way of Benedict.

Notes:

Alright, guys. I think I only have one more chapter of this story to go before it feels resolved.

If this chapter sounds familiar, it's the original chapter I wrote as a one-off, reworked for the story and characters as they played out in the rest of the story.

As always, leave a comment and let me know what you think! I will miss this story sooooo much, but I'm also excited to figure out my next work. Feel free to share ideas in the comments!

Chapter Text

Benedict hauled Colin out to the old carriage house, which had been converted first into a garage and then a home gym. It was a separate building and far enough away that it was unlikely the guests would hear anything.

"Sit," Benedict ordered, pointing to a weight bench.

Colin half-stumbled to the bench and sat with his head in his hands. Before they could even begin a conversation, Anthony stormed in.

"Leave us please," Anthony told Benedict. "I'd like to talk to him alone." The two brothers exchanged a long look before Ben shrugged and headed for the door.

"Try not to kill each other," he remarked on his way out.

And then Anthony and Colin were alone for the first time in several months. Anthony folded his arms and simply looked over his younger brother. He looked like hell.

"You don't deserve her," Colin spat at his older brother, breaking the stalemate.

"You don't have to tell me that," Anthony grumbled. He was achingly aware of how utterly unworthy he was of her kindness and grace. "But tell me, who does? From what I've heard, you've found some fatal flaw in every man she's dated since she started dating at all. And we won't even talk about the ones you talked her out of dating in the first place. Is anyone worthy of loving her, or even trying to? Because you sure as hell don't want her."

Colin's strained silence spoke volumes.

Anthony sighed and shook his head. "You asshole. You don't want her loved and happy, you want her single and desperate forever so she'll always be there to buck you up." He raked his hand through his hair. "How did I never notice until right now what a selfish bastard you are? The signs have definitely been there lately, but I chalked it up to a fear of missing out, coupled with your substance abuse. But maybe all that's just a convenient excuse and you really are just incredibly selfish and egotistical."

Colin at least had the good sense to look sheepish. "I never meant for her to be alone forever. I just never thought those guys were right for her."

"That's not how it looks to me. You knew she had a thing for you. For years you've known. But you've thwarted every chance she had to move on and have a chance to be with someone else. Meanwhile how many gorgeous women have you shoved in her face as your latest flavor of the month? How many relationships have you gotten over by crashing on her couch while she patted your hand and told you how great you were?" A sneered in disgust and stalked away from his younger brother.

"That's not fair!" Colin shouted as his older brother walked away.

Anthony whirled on him, more angry with Colin than he could ever remember being, save for the night of their mother's birthday party. "You're damn right it's not fair! It's not fair to her. If you didn't want her, the honorable thing to do would have been to be straight-forward with her, tell her it wasn't going to happen, and let the poor kid move on. But you liked having your own personal fan-club too much to ever set her free, right?"

Colin's face contorted in rage as he took a swing at Anthony, which his sober older brother easily dodged. In his altered state, Colin barely managed to stay upright. "Shut up! That's not true! I never asked her to be hung up on me. It's not my fault she had some stupid crush."

"Stupid crush?" Penelope asked from just inside the open side door. At some point during their argument, the skies had opened up and it poured rain behind her while she stayed under the overhang to keep dry.

Both men looked at her, surprised by her appearance. Between all the shouting at each other, they hadn't heard her approach.

"Pen," Anthony started as he crossed the room towards her. Pen held up her hand to hold him off. It was beyond time to say her piece.

"Is that what you think it was for me? A stupid crush?" Her tone was alarmingly calm but Anthony could see the tempest in her blue eyes. She was in agony.

"No," Colin insisted, moving toward her. Pen stepped back and held him back with the same hand she'd held his brother back. "I didn't mean it, Pen. I swear—"

"Don't swear anything to me," she warned him. "Your promises are meaningless to me now."

Colin cast a disgusted glance at his brother, then looked back to her with desperation in his eyes. "He got me all worked up, I didn't mean it that way. You mean so much to me, I never meant to—"

"You never mean to," she interrupted again. "That's the problem. That's how I keep making excuses for you to myself. 'Colin didn't mean it that way'. 'Colin wasn't thinking'. 'Colin secretly loves you, he's just too afraid to lose you to say anything'." Her lip curled in disgust at herself.

He nodded as if she'd guessed right. "Yeah, that's it. I never wanted to hurt our friendship by trying to pursue anything more. You have to know how much you mean to me." He ignored her sign to stop and strode up to her, taking her hand in both of his. "What can I do to show you I care?" She could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to find a way to keep her on his hook again. "This whole thing just caught me off-guard. If we could just go somewhere and talk, maybe we could figure out a way to…to be together."

"Anthony and I are engaged, remember?" Pen asked. "You just crashed our engagement party."

"So what?" he countered. "People break engagements every day. We've been friends forever–everyone would understand if we got together."

Pen looked at Anthony, praying he would understand what she was about to do.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that," she said looking back at Colin. "Let's just do it! Let's go, right now, this minute. Would you take me away from here? We could start over somewhere neither of us has been before and really build a life together. Do you care about me enough to do that?" She actively avoided using the word 'love'.

He sputtered and grasped for words. "I can't. You don't…it's not that simple, Pen."

She let out a dry, humorless laugh. "Actually, Colin, it is exactly that simple. If you loved me, if you really wanted me in your life, it's an easy answer."

"You don't understand–" He bore a striking resemblance to a deer caught in a hunter's crosshairs.

She yanked her hands away and backed away from him in disgust. "I understand plenty. For ten years, I let you string me along, give me just enough attention to keep me around so you could always have a backup plan. I'm a wounded mouse you play with for a while, then stash somewhere until you get bored and bring me out to play with again." She felt sick. Not because she was shocked at how this was turning out, but because she wasn't. It was exactly what she knew would happen.

Pen stalked toward Colin slowly and forced him back. "For ten years, you have been everything to me, and I have been nothing to you." She practically spit out the word 'nothing'. "This fight you're having with your brother isn't because you don't want me with him. You don't want me with anyone. I'm supposed to stay alone forever just in case you need someone to make you feel special." Hot, angry tears streamed down her face. "Fuck that. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved and wanted. So this is it, your last chance. Tell me right now that you love me and you want to run away with me, or we're finished." A long, empty silence spread out between them as he looked at her with a pained expression.

"That's what I thought," she almost whispered. "Go home to your girlfriend."

"We broke up. And besides, I can't. You're my home," he said the last part quietly, almost to himself, but she cut him off with a look.

"Not anymore. I'm marrying into your family so I can't avoid ever seeing you again, but consider our friendship permanently terminated. Never try to speak to me alone again."

Pen walked out of the building and picked up her umbrella without looking back at either of the brothers.

As she approached the house, she heard footsteps jogging down the gravel walkway behind her.

"Pen." It was Anthony, as she'd hoped. At that moment, her self-restrained finally crumbled away. Turning to him, she draped her arms over his shoulders and sobbed into his chest. Tears that she'd held back for too long now flowed freely. Tears for the teenage girl whose dream would never come true. Tears for the adult Penelope who wasted so much of her time on someone who had never given her a second thought. Tears for the recovery she could see now had been short-lived. Mostly they were tears for every moment she wasted believing Colin was a friend to her, when clearly she'd been nothing but a handy distraction to him.

She expected Anthony to storm away, misunderstanding her tears as heartbreak over Colin instead of for herself. But he stood beside her, gently rubbing her back and murmuring words of assurance. She didn't know how long they stood there, but after a decade's worth of tears, Pen finally calmed down and looked up at the only man who'd ever really cared about her wellbeing. "It's not about him."

Anthony nodded. "I know."

"I knew he would back down if I pushed. I wouldn't have gone with him anyway." It was important to her that he understood. He was not her second choice or her backup plan. But a part of her had needed to hear Colin turn her down flat-out.

"I know," he said again. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "Not by a long shot."

"What can I do?" he asked with a pained expression.

"Just love me through it."

He kissed her forehead. "Done."

When they reached the main house again, Daphne was waiting by the back door. She swept Pen away to repair her hair and makeup before anyone could see her and ask questions. Ben greeted Anthony with a double helping of scotch.

"Is he still alive?" Ben asked, sounding more curious than concerned.

"Yes, though I think at the moment he wishes he weren't."

"I want you to talk to him for me. I can't look at him without wanting to strangle him right now, but I need him gone as soon as possible."

Ben nodded. "Of course, what can I do?"

"There's paperwork in the desk in Dad's study. I'm prepared to pay Colin the remainder of his trust fund in a lump sum payment, but he has to agree to go back to rehab first. After he completes the program, he is to leave the country within 24 hours and not come within five-hundred miles of here unless specifically invited."

"This is going to kill Mom, you know," Ben pointed out.

"I hope that under the circumstances she'll understand. She and the rest of the family are free to communicate with and visit him as much as they want; I would never try to keep her away from her own child. But Pen and I need to be free of him, at least for now."

"How long is 'for now'?"

"A year, maybe two. After that, if he continues to behave himself…we'll see." He didn't personally hold out hope that Colin would ever truly get his life together, but he chose to take a play from Pen's playbook and hope for the best.

"What if he refuses?" Ben pressed.

"Then I cut him off and he never gets another dime from this family. He can be a millionaire in a month or he can be a pauper in an hour. The choice is entirely up to him. I'm tired of trying to get him to see reason." Anthony's entire expression hardened. He would not let Colin ruin another moment of Pen's life. If that meant cutting his brother out of his life, so be it.

"I hope he sees sense. If he agrees I can drive him back to rehab tonight."

Anthony nodded and finished his drink. "Thank you for handling this. I know it's not going to be a pleasant job."

Ben shrugged a shoulder. "You've been holding this family up a long time. It's time I took some of that off your shoulders."

Anthony clapped a hand on Ben's shoulder and gave a small smile. "I appreciate that. I may hold you to it again when we go on our honeymoon. There's no one I'd trust with the company more."

The brothers exchanged an awkward hug before Ben rejoined the party.

Moments later, Pen came down from the bedroom Daphne had swept her away to. She looked refreshed, with no sign of any distress or water damage from the rain. She smiled sadly when she saw him.

"How are you?" he asked, taking her in his arms.

"I'm okay. I've gotten really good at shoving Colin's bullshit down and ignoring it."

"I hate that you've had to learn to do that." He kissed her softly. "I've handled the situation and we shouldn't have to deal with him again for a long time."

Pen leaned back, confused. "I don't understand. DId you have him arrested or something?"

"No. Ben's going to make him an offer that will make him a very rich man, provided he follows a few simple rules and behaves himself."

She bit her bottom lip and frowned. "I don't want you to cut him out of your life because of me."

"Pen, I would cheerfully cut off my right arm for you with a dull nail file. Giving Colin space to live his life far away from my interference is hardly a punishment." Linking his arm through hers, he patted her hand. "Let's forget about him and get back to our party. I still need to dance with my bride-to-be."

Pen smiled tentatively. "Let's party."

Chapter 29: Bless the Broken Road

Summary:

I think about the years I spent just passin' through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there, you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

The finale. The wedding and Pen finishes her book.

Notes:

This is it. I have loved living in these characters. I'll miss this story so much now that it's over. I may rewrite it at some point to fix mistakes and tighten up the story, but this is the end for now.

Please take a look at my other works and let me know what you'd like to see next!

Chapter Text

Colin took the money and went back to rehab the next day. Anthony and Ben kept tabs on his progress but kept Pen out of it.

The wedding was beautiful. Pen couldn't remember most of it as she'd been too caught up in the day's schedule to really take it all in, but she was told later it was beautiful. She remembered Anthony's eyes as they looked into hers and they each vowed to love and obey each other, in sickness and in health, until death did them part. She remembered the feeling of being wrapped in his arms while they shared their first dance as husband and wife to Bless the Broken Road. That one had taken some persuading—and possibly a few sexual favors—on Pen's part but eventually Anthony agreed that the lyrics were appropriate.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

That every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

Every word spoke deeply to their journey together. Pen's life of heartache and anonymity led her on a path that brought her to Anthony, who was the best part of her world.

She remembered the feeling of slipping the simple silver tungsten band on his finger, linking them together in a tangible way. She remembered her first kiss as Mrs. Bridgerton, soft and sweet and full of so much promise for the future. The rest of it…well that's what wedding photographers were for, wasn't it?

They honeymooned on a private island in the Caribbean where they laid on the beach all day and made love late into the night, every night. Pen knew deep in her being that he would never find a kinder, gentler, more tender-hearted man than Anthony Bridgerton. She had truly won the jackpot when she found him and she was determined to do everything in her power to ensure they were happy together forever.

About a month and a half after their wedding, when they were back in the penthouse and the snow blew against the windows, they were curled up in front of the fireplace, snuggled together under a blanket, each of them reading a book. Pen was curled into Anthony's side and he had his arm draped over her shoulders, drawing lazy circles on her arm with his thumb.

"I have something for you," she said, setting her book aside.

"Oh?" Anthony looked up from his reading.

"Wait here." She pulled the blanket off and disappeared into the spare bedroom, which they had turned into her office. A moment later, she returned carrying a bound stack of paper.

His eyes went wide. "Is that—"

"My book," Pen confirmed with a nod.

"When did you finish it?" he got up off the sofa and crossed to her to take the document carefully in his hands.

"About a week ago. I already sent it off to my editor but I wanted you to have the first hardcopy." She bit her bottom lip and grinned in excitement. "Open it. I want to see what you think of the dedication."

Anthony looked like he might burst with pride at his new wife. "I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you, Pen."

He looked down at the book. It was titled The Doormat has Teeth.

"It's a working title," she admitted, blushing. "It's semi-autobiographical."

"I can't wait to read it." Anthony squeezed her hand and leaned down to give her a brief kiss. Finally his curiosity won out and he sat perched on the edge of the sofa as he turned the cover page and read the dedication:

To my wonderful husband, Anthony

Who always saw more in me than I did in myself

U

You're going to be a wonderful father.

P.S. We're going to need to redecorate my office.

As he sat on the couch, slack-jawed and digesting what he just read, Pen dropped a positive pregnancy test on the open book.

When he looked up at her, his eyes were wide and misty.

"You're sure?" he asked, almost at a whisper.

Pen nodded, grinning so wide she thought her face might bust in two. "Are…Are you happy?" she asked after he didn't say anything for several seconds. It had never occurred to her that he might be anything less than over-the-moon at her news. They had talked recently about when they wanted to start a family—turns out the process had already begun without their knowledge.

In one swift motion, Anthony carefully set the book and test aside, stood up, and scooped Pen into his arms.

"Am I happy? Pen, I'm thrilled." He spun he around the room as they laughed together, caught in the sheer joy of the moment.

He finally set her down and brushed her hair back from her face. "You already made me the happiest man in the world when you became my wife. I didn't know it was possible to feel any more joy than that. But here I am, on yet another level of complete and total bliss." He cupped her face gently in his hands and kissed her.

"I love you, Pen. I love our life together. And I love the baby we've made together." He let a hand drift down to graze softly across her belly. "Do you know how far along you might be?"

"I think about eight weeks? I've been kind of in denial the last couple. I was convinced it was too soon and it couldn't be real…but it is. I have an appointment on Monday if you want to go—"

"Of course I'm going! You think I'm going to miss a single minute of this?" His eagerness lightened her heart more than she could have expected.

"Don't you have to check your schedule?" she asked.

"Anything I have can be moved or Ben can handle it. This takes priority." He kissed her again and wrapped his arms around her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. More than that, I love us."

Epilogue

A year later, Pen sat at a table in the local bookstore, signing copies of her second novel, The Wallflower and The Immovable Object, a fictionalized version of her relationship with Anthony—with several creative liberties taken to protect their privacy. She still couldn't quite believe how her books caught on. Her first was on the top of the New York Times Bestseller list for several months. Her newest novel was expected to repeat or beat that performance.

When they went to functions, people waited in lines to speak with Penelope. Anthony had to wait for her to finish business-related conversations for a change. At Violet's last birthday party, Anthony had been proven right and a large portion of the party guests were only there to meet and speak with her about how much they enjoyed her book. There was even talk of it being picked up by a movie studio.

Just as Pen thought her hand might fall off if she had to autograph one more book, she saw Anthony come in the front door with their daughter Ellie strapped to his chest with a baby wrap. Many men would balk at being seen in public baby-wearing, but Anthony basked in it. He loved being with their daughter as much as possible. She'd even attended a few board meetings with him when Pen was up against a writing deadline and needed to be uninterrupted for a few hours.

Of course, Violet was always eager to babysit whenever they had need. It still felt surreal to have an affectionate mother figure in her life. Portia reached out occasionally but Pen's conversation with her were often brief and frustrating. She'd met Ellie twice but declared she 'wasn't really a baby person'. Anthony and Pen didn't bother reaching out after that.

The next reader approached Pen's table, snapping out of her reverie. Anthony waited patiently beside her with Ellie asleep in her wrap. Pen could relate. Being held snugly against Anthony's chest was the safest she ever felt in her life. It was no wonder their daughter felt the same.

"Almost ready?" Anthony asked as the line neared the end.

Pen smiled up at him. "Just about. Can you go grab my purse from the back office?"

Anthony and nodded, heading back to the store manager's office to retrieve Pen's purse and diaper bag. By the time he returned, Pen had finished her last autograph and was massaging her aching hand.

"I think my hand might've fallen off if I had to sign many more books," she complained as she took her bag from his outstretched hand.

"Oh yes, I feel so sorry for you, miss Bestselling Author," he teased.

"Excuse me," she corrected him. "That's Mrs. Bestselling Author." They laughed together as they headed for the front of the store. Pen called out her thanks to the owner on the way out and then they were out on the sidewalk.

"How was lunch?" she asked.

Anthony paused a moment before answering. "Good. He seems like he's in a really good place. He's obsessed with Ellie, just like the rest of her aunts and uncles. Thank you for letting me take her."

Pen laced her fingers through his as they walked side by side down the street. "Of course. Just because I'm not ready to see him doesn't mean I don't want him to meet Ellie—on our terms with heavy supervision, of course."

"Of course." Anthony kissed the back of her hand. "He still has a long way to go to regain my trust, but he seems like he's on a good path right now."

"I'm happy for him—really. I'm glad he's getting his life together. I hope that soon we can try to have a conversation in person, but I'm not there yet."

"I understand, and so does he—not that his opinion factors in at all. You'll do it when you're ready and no one's going to push you to do it sooner."

She beamed up at him. Her champion, now and forever. "Thank you. Now let's go home. I need some food and a nap."

Ellie started to stir against Anthony's chest and he tutted. "Looks like someone else might need a snack too. She took the bottle okay but it's just not as good as when it's fresh from the tap. I should know," he added, winking. Pen blushed.

A year and a half ago, she'd been afraid she would be alone and unhappy forever. Now she had everything she'd ever dreamed of. It hadn't been an easy road, but she wouldn't have changed a single minute of it if it brought her to where they were in their lives right now.