Disclaimer: No rights to FMA!
After hearing the door shut softly, Ed had to literally lock his legs in place so as to not chase Winry down and apologize for making her cry. He was such a fucking idiot! He knew he shouldn't let himself become remotely intimate with this woman, he knew that he had done enough wrong in his life and that the last person who deserved more heartache and pain was her! Clenching his hands into tight fists, he tried to calm the helpless anger that boiled within him, but unfortunately his emotions got the better of him. He grabbed the large, glass lamp from the end table and smashed it into the wall where just minutes ago, he had pinned the silvery blond pleasurably. Now the sloppy looking paint job was nothing but a reminder that he had fucked up, just like he always did. If he had truly cared for her at all, he would have left her alone. In the moment, staring down at her cheeks pinkened from humorous indignation, covered in paint that made her clothes stick to every enticing curve, he had crumbled to his growing weakness for her. How was it that she would be the one that he couldn't walk away from? The world did have a sick sense of irony.
A throat being cleared finally unclouded his one track mind and recaptured his attention.
Turning towards his still stunned brother and Mustang, he suddenly remembered that he had questions for the elder. Had he sought Winry out knowing his situation with his student? Seeming to sense the backlash that was headed his way, Roy straightened his back as if sending the signal with body language that he was right, as per the usual in his mind, and spoke before he could.
"Edward, I had no other reason for becoming acquainted with Ms. Rockbell other than the one she stated a few moments ago, it was happenstance that I was in a position to help further her experience and I chose to extend that." Snorting his disbelief, he took a defensive stance, as if ready to fight at a wrong move from the man. Anger he hadn't felt in years burned behind the glare he gave his former PO.
"Oh come on Mustang! You already knew what her profession was because of me, you are always pulling the strings to play in your orchestra of bullshit. Just what do you stand to gain by making her a pawn on your board?" His lips were pulled back in a sneer as he practically spit the words. Cold, onyx eyes stared back at him with disappointment, when his brother cut into the conversation.
"Brother! Roy would never manipulate someone like that, anytime he has ever 'pulled strings' as you put it, he was only ever trying to help or better the situation. You know him, instead of tossing you into some community service picking up trash, he got you the very start in the college you now teach at!" Hearing the rise in the timbre of Al's voice, he knew that he was truly upset by his words to the bastard, and he nearly felt bad.
"She needed more on the job expertise. Not to mention, this will give her access to laboratories in order to continue the work she has started that has the potential to help many people. In fact, I'm sure that if she had explained her aspirations to you, or if you had taken the time to stop running and listen to her, you would find that you both have many common goals." Being unsure of what exactly he meant by the latter part of his statement, he ignored everything but the fact that he hadn't gotten the response he was looking for.
"You still haven't answered my question, what's the payoff?" Roy stared at him with an expression that just oozed condemnation at his words.
"Wow, you know there are times when I feel like you have grown up so fast and then there are others that I am astounded that there is a renowned Professor in front of me." Seeing that Edward was dissatisfied with his answer, he continued with a sigh. "The only thing I hoped to accomplish was making my friend and a girl that deserves a fair shot, happy." Making his way to the door, he turned back to speak to Al. "I'll see myself out, Alphonse, as always it was nice to see you."
"Tell me one thing then Mustang." Stopping with a gloved hand on the doorknob, he paused
to hear what he had to say. "Who will she be working under if she will be in and out of the lab when not working directly on automail?" Even before his 'friend' answered he knew what he was going to say.
"Your father. Despite your misgivings, he too has the same hopes for you as I do."
"I'll just bet he does." Shaking his dark head, he pulled the door shut behind him without giving him any further response. If he hadn't already broken the damn lamp, he would've broken it again right now. How dare he set Winry up anywhere near his worthless excuse for a father. In his opinion, it took a truly heartless person to leave their family behind for some stupid research. His mother had died waiting for Hohenheim to come home and that was unforgivable.
"Brother, you know I will always be the first to back you up, but you are not right this time. Mustang was only looking out for Winry. He hadn't even mentioned knowing us to her, clearly for your benefit, so he was trying to look out for you too."
"Al, I know you think the best of everyone, but he knew that I wanted to distance myself from her to keep from hurting her anymore than I already have." Laughing at the obvious glaring contradiction that he had walked in on, Al spoke again.
"That looked like it was working out well for you." Grimacing at the sarcasm laced in his voice, Ed knew that he had made a true statement. "Seriously you have got to stop thinking that by avoiding your feelings you are doing her any favors. I don't understand why you just don't tell her everything and then let her decide what she wants to do. The worst that could happen is exactly what you keep telling everyone you want." Well that was an efficient summary and suggestion, when had he become so mature and intelligent? Sheska must be doing him a world of good; yet another thing he owed Winry for.
"Why does my little brother have to be so logical?" A wry smile crossed Alphonse's face before he answered.
"I'm just the full package I guess." Slapping a hand to his face, Edward exhaled loudly in exasperation.
"Oh man, don't let my cockiness rub off on you. I have enough of that for both of us." Turning towards the kitchen for some food, he began to ask if Al wanted anything when the thought was cut off.
"Hey Ed, you really should apologize to Winry tomorrow. You know she has no idea what she did wrong and is probably sitting at home either polishing her wrenches for when they meet your head or crying more." Just thinking of the tears that had welled up in her eyes made his stomach clench in regret; he had acted like such an asshole. Hopefully she would give him the chance to at least say he was sorry, even if she didn't want to speak to him more than that.
"I will, I promise...just as soon as I call someone to come fix this mess." Motioning to the wall that could almost pass for abstract art, Ed began digging in a cabinet for a phone book.
"Not a bad idea, plus I will be happy to see this room finished finally, maybe minus the smearing too." Blushing furiously, he focused his attention away from the laughter coming from Alphonse and to getting the damn wall fixed.
Getting to the classroom around twenty minutes earlier than he typically ever came in, Edward anxiously watched the doorway for Winry to come in. After calling an experienced painter to come today, he had pretty much sat around planning out what he was going to say to his student. Everything from flowery romantic shit to defensive quips had run through his mind, but he knew he was at fault, as much as he didn't like to admit it. She had simply been her typical curious self, that he personally liked and unfortunately it had been over the one thing he didn't know how to talk about with her. Al and Mustang had both told him to just tell her, but understanding that that would probably solve his problem one way or another didn't make it any easier. In fact, even thinking about her reaction was enough to set him on edge. He didn't know if her being repelled by his past would be a blessing or a curse considering admittedly, he wasn't sure if he could let her go now.
Initially that had been his entire goal, to irritate her and get her to dislike him, however when her resolve and the fickle bitch that was fate teamed up against his will there wasn't much he could do. Besides being hopelessly attracted to her physically, her personality was equally magnetic; she was kind, funny, knowledgeable and determined. Her tenacity was sexy, but her situational timidness gave him the opportunity to take care of her. She was the perfect mix of independent and feminine.
Glancing up at the second hand that ticked away relentlessly while the room began to fill up, Ed pulled a gloved hand through his bangs as he pushed them away from his face to look at his lesson plan. With only a few minutes to spare, he was beginning to wonder where the focus of his thoughts was. Normally Winry was the first in the room, or occasionally the second, but today her desk in the front was all too noticeably empty. Maybe she had gotten up late today, though truthfully he couldn't picture that. He was so pathetically wrapped up in his thoughts that it wasn't until Sheska tapped on his flesh arm that he was pulled from them.
"Hi Mr. Elric, I just wasn't sure if you realized that class should have started already." Giving him an apologetic smile, she moved back to her seat next to where Winry should have been.
"My apologies everyone, I was going over the lesson plan real quick. If everyone would please open your books to page 210, where you will find today's lab, we will get started." Meeting the brunettes questioning gaze, he gave her a look that he hoped put her at ease, otherwise he would never hear the end of it from Alphonse. As all of his students began moving to the back of the room where the sinks and other materials were, he began following to supervise. Turning back to the door once more, he couldn't believe that she hadn't come today. As much as he wanted to think that maybe she was at home sick, he couldn't ignore the nagging inner voice that told him that he was the reason she wasn't here. Pushing thoughts of his guilt from his mind temporarily, he turned his attention to the task at hand.
On his lunch he checked both the coffee shop that she often frequented, and the cafeteria for the ocean eyes he had been hoping to see all day. Coming back to Uni from the coffee shop, he had run into Alphonse and Sheska, both who hadn't seen her at all. He couldn't miss the smug smirk that the bookworm wore as he had asked about Winry. Sheska did let him know that she didn't think that she was working at The Dark Horse that night, and that his best bet was probably going to her house and talking to her. Given the way the brown eyed girl was acting, he wondered if she hadn't heard what had happened yesterday directly from Winry. Nodding gratefully at the suggestion, he told them both goodbye and had gone to check the cafeteria unsuccessfully. Ed had to practically run to his last lecture for the day since spending his entire lunch searching for his absent student. While he had tried his best to focus on his class, he was counting down the minutes until he could leave and try to make things right between them, especially if he had upset her enough to miss school. From the conversations Al had meticulously filled him in on, he knew how important her education was to her. When the class was over, he exited as if he had been the one sitting in on it the whole time, and not the one giving it.
Now that he was halfway to her house, he was beginning to falter. What if she really was sick and he was just being conceited by thinking he had any effect on her actions? Worse than that was if he had caused his pupil to miss, because then he would have confirmation of what a complete dick he was. As if she hadn't dealt with enough crap over the weekend, after some jerk tried to take advantage of her and she was hurt. Fuck...he hadn't even thought to ask her how her ankle was doing yesterday, no wonder she wasn't there today. He had roughly pushed her up against the wall, put his hands all over her and ravaged her mouth like a horny teenager. In his defense, the sounds she had been making were enough to bring those feelings to the surface and her hands had also been as eager as his own until the door opened on them. Honestly he wasn't sure whether he was happy they had been interrupted since he didn't know if he could have stopped himself, or if he was furious that he had had to pull his mouth away from hers. Kissing Winry was like no other experience he had ever had; it was like when they breached that barrier, the wall that had been erected against thinking of her had been demolished and now he was making up for lost time.
Looking up, he realized that he was nearly to her house. Any plans of retreating were now long gone as he walked up stairway that led to her front door. All of the curtains were closed, but maybe since it was nearly dark she had shut them. Ed took a nervous breath while his hand hovered over the door, before knocking softly. Idiot. He should have knocked louder. What if she was working on automail and couldn't hear it? Listening carefully for the sound of feet approaching, he scarcely breathed while waiting. After a moment, he raised his hand again and knocked louder, but cringed at the overcompensated volume of the motion. If she had been sleeping, the noise would surely wake her. The quiet movement towards the door alerted him to the fact that she was home. When the lock clicked and cerulean eyes met his, he knew without asking that he was precisely the reason she hadn't been in school.
As the greatly subdued blonde opened the door to admit him, he noticed that she was trying to avoid further eye contact with him. Though she attempted to let her bangs cover them, he still caught the slight puffiness to her eyes and instantly felt a jab of guilt for his careless reaction yesterday. Winry offered him something to drink, but he declined and took a seat on her couch while she grabbed something for herself. Glancing around the room, he saw the numerous papers that littered the end table. Actually they looked like chemistry notes, but if they were then they were certainly not for his class as these were much more advanced than where her class currently was. A brief floral smell permeated his senses, dispelling the thoughts from his mind as he turned to face his student who was now nestled in an armchair to his side. Disappointed that she hadn't sat by him, he swallowed trying to find the words that he had practiced all day in his mind to say to her, but came up sorely lacking. He had come here and now he couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. So instead he stared quietly at her, while she tried ignore him until the silence became too awkward and she finally spoke.
"Mr. Elric, is there some reason you are here?" He opened his mouth to speak, but catching sight of what looked like tear tracks on her cheeks, he felt like an even bigger piece of shit and found himself unable to speak. "You didn't break my automail did you?" With those words she met his gaze and he noticed that her left eye twitched in irritation at the idea that he had damaged her work.
"No, no, the automail is still great." Expelling a sigh of relief, Winry relaxed back into her chair and waited for him to get to the point. Grasping at anything to begin the conversation he needed to have with her, he chose the easiest subject. "How is your ankle? Since you weren't in class today, I wondered if it had gotten worse." Raising a pale eyebrow at him over his choice of chit chat, she was not interested in idle talk.
"You didn't seem overly concerned with it yesterday." Responding blandly, Winry was visibly beyond formalities. Seeing her stiff neutrality, now he was beginning to realize just how he would feel if she no longer wanted him around, which seemed likely considering her posture and tone. Her body language read, 'If you have something to say that will fix this, now is the time to speak up.'
"Look, I'm sorry Winry. I acted like a jerk. I'm not good with this kind of situation. If I can be blunt, I have become used to being the way I am out of necessity. I always needed to be the one to take care of Alphonse and in some ways, it has made me hardened to the feelings of others." Attempting to make sense of the mental speech he worked up, Ed looked up from his clenched hands stretching the material of his gloves to see what her reaction was. She took a deep sip from her large mug as she considered his words.
"So you are still trying to say that you feel nothing towards me?" He was not prepared for such a direct reply, though really should have expected no less from his tenacious student.
"That's not what I'm saying." Stretching her arm out to the side table, Winry placed her mug on the metal coaster and turned her full attention to him.
"Then do tell me, what it is you are trying to say. I'm sorry if I can't seem to keep up with your mood swings, but for me things are simple; you either do or you don't. I don't have time to play games and if you don't have feelings for me then you should probably refrain from making me think you do, especially if you consider me to be a friend at all. If I don't even warrant friendship, than you should at least have enough professional respect not to treat me like that." Staring slack mouthed at her, he realized that she was dangerously angry with him.
"Yes, I do." His voice left no question as to the validity of this, though he had never been more nervous about three words in his life.
"Yes you have feelings for me, or yes you should refrain from further false shows of affection?" Leave it to her to pull it from him a second time.
"I have feelings for you. I am just very conflicted by them." Speaking honestly and not even close to honestly enough; he didn't know if there would ever be a right time to explain things to her, but after his outburst yesterday he felt like scum for taking the things he had done wrong out on her.
"Clearly, but that doesn't give you the right to kiss me one second and yell at me the next. If you have some issues with your past, as it appears, then I can deal with that until you feel like you are able to trust me with whatever it is, but I refuse to be someone's emotional punching bag Ed." Her azure eyes gazed unblinkingly into his, leaving him stunned by the clarity behind them. She was all the things he was not, which was part of why he couldn't let her go, even though he knew he didn't deserve her.
"I trust you, you already mean more to me than you even know and unfortunately I am inept at expressing this in a way where I don't come out looking like a jackass. Can you forgive me and bear with me while I get used to opening up to someone besides Al?" Seeing her eyes well up with fresh tears, he was afraid he had managed to mess things up worse, but a moment later when she leapt from her seat and enveloped him in her arms he felt the tightness in his chest ease. The warm wetness of her cheek pressed against his neck, still made him question this though. "You know when you cry, you make me feel like I've done something wrong again." She pulled away to meet his golden gaze.
"No, I'm crying because it was so right." Sucking in a sharp breath at the sight of her with swollen lips and bright eyes, he wrapped his arms firmly around her as he enjoyed the smell of her hair that was rubbing against his jaw. She was incredible.
"So does that mean you forgive me?" Giving her a toothy grin, Edward waited for her answer patiently while she assessed where they stood jokingly as she tapped a slender finger to her chin thoughtfully.
"Well that depends, Mr. Elric..." Trailing the same finger down his arm, she let her sentence linger.
"On?"
"Whether or not you are taking me on a date next weekend?" Smiling brightly at him in anticipation, Winry waited for his answer.
"That would actually depend on you Ms. Rockbell." Replying in kind, he couldn't help but smirk at her.
"How's that?" A confused expression crossed her lovely features while she tried to figure out what he meant.
"You don't plan on skipping anymore of my classes now do you?" With a straight face, he delivered the question in a mock scolding tone.
"You are arrogant to flatter yourself into thinking I didn't go today because of you!"
Righteous indignation was evident in her exasperated tone as she tried to extricate herself from where she had been settled in his lap, however he wasn't letting her go just yet. Placing his lips softly on hers, she ceased trying to wiggle out of his grasp as she began to respond to his mouth covering hers. Lightly running his tongue over her bottom lip, he then sucked on it in a drug out action before releasing her.
"Am I?" Laughing huskily as he captured her soft lips once again, he grinned into the kiss as he noticed that she hadn't denied it this time. Pulling back slowly, he was mesmerized by the half lidded look of hunger she now wore. "I thought so." Still in a dazed state, she didn't seem to argue the fact anymore. "As to taking you out this weekend, Al's birthday is Wednesday so I was going to see if you wanted come out with us for it Saturday."
"Of course! I just need to figure out what to get him for his birthday." Coming back to the conversation, Winry moved to sit next to him as she began to tick off the days on her fingers.
"Well it is his 19th, so if you bought him a few drinks that would probably work." Edward suggested easily as he rose unwillingly from her couch. He knew he should get back to the apartment before Alphonse began to worry about him, while he had indicated he might go to Winry's he had never said for sure that he was.
"Yea, no...I will figure out something that won't pass through his body in twenty four hours." Following him to the door, she was still deeply focused on what she was planning for Al. This woman was amazing; seeing how much she cared for his younger brother was proof enough of her character. So many people had brushed him aside due to his disability, but not Winry, she seemed to have fallen right into friendship with him. That's who she was though.
"Good point. So I'll see you in class tomorrow right?" Giving her his best look of scrutiny, he handed her a packet from inside his coat that he had assembled with the content from the day so that she wouldn't be behind tomorrow. With a thank you she took it from him as they stood in the doorway and she looked up at him almost hopefully, but he stepped out the entrance as she spoke.
"Yes, Professor." As she began to turn with a nearly imperceptible hint of disappoint, he reached for her without any further thought of keeping his distance at all apparently and hugged her tightly. Pressing his lips to her forehead once, he told her goodnight as he headed down the stairs feeling simultaneously lighter and heavier than he had in years. With this choice he had decided to walk a path that may not be straight, but he had to wonder if he wasn't exactly where he was supposed to be.
AN: 3/25/2016 I am currently going through and fixing this story chapter by chapter in an attempt to reconnect to it and improve it along the way. Please review if you notice anything that I have missed or just want to tell me what you like/dislike.