I do not own rights to Dragon Age, its lore or its characters. All belongs to BioWare. I am just a fan.
After promising him that I would go over what happened with Anders and the Chantry the next day I wished Fenris a good night and retired to bed.
I awoke early enough to wish Zevran goodbye before my usual morning training.
"What do you mean you're going with him?!" I practically shouted. "This isn't because of our little disagreement, is it?" I was angry and felt guilty at the same time.
Isabella's eyes widened in surprise. She took a step towards me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "I am taking Zevran to his destination. The boys need to get out to sea or I won't have a crew. And no darling, we would have to have a much more serious disagreement than that for me to even consider leaving you for good." She smiled reassuringly.
"What's the commotion down here?" a deep voice rumbled from the stairs. Fenris had come to investigate. I must have raised my voice louder than I thought. I said to myself feeling a little embarrassed.
"It's nothing Fenris." I called to him. "Just getting some news sprung on me last minute." I said sarcastically glaring at both Zevran and Isabella. Zevran, at least had the curtesy to look slightly regretful.
We three had been sitting at the dining room table breaking fast over some pastries I found in the kitchen. Knowing he wouldn't accept my explanation without looking for himself, I set one of the pastries on a plate. I set it down at the chair next to me and poured a glass of juice for him.
Isabella and Zevran exchanged a smirk and odd look with each other. Then giggled quietly to themselves. "What was all that about?" I asked waving a finger at the two of them and taking a bite of the pastry I had in front of me.
When Fenris appeared in the door way I motioned to the place I had set for him. "Wow Fenris you should show more skin more often." Isabella purred winking at him.
He must have rushed down here from the throws of sleep. I said to myself. I tried very hard not to look at him standing there in just his trousers as wantonly as Zevran and Isabella were. Even if I agreed with them. "I'm sorry if I woke you with my shouting."
He was staring back at Isabella and Zevran with a contempt I hadn't seen from him before. He didn't say a word. Instead, he came around to my side of the table and sat in the place I had made up for him.
"Isabella has decided to help Zevran on his travels and no one told me until just a moment ago." I explained as he took a drink.
"They are leaving? For how long?" he raised an eyebrow in surprise but that was all the emotion he had about it.
"I'm not exactly sure. However long it takes for Zevran to complete his contract." I told him.
"You remember we are sitting here?" Zevran asked patting himself around the shoulders and face. I laughed at the gesture. "How could I forget?" I teased as I rolled my eyes.
"Right? So much handsome elf in here it's hard to choose where to look." Isabella smiled again. She hadn't taken her eyes from Fenris since he entered the room.
He continued as if we hadn't spoken. "Contract?" it struck me then, that Fenris did not know about Zevran's former affiliation with the Antivan Crows. I was at a loss for words. It wasn't my place to put Zevran's business out there but I didn't want to lie to Fenris so I just kept my mouth shut.
"I used to be an Antivan Crow. Until I failed to kill the Hero of Ferelden and she let me live. Fascinating woman, never shied away from my witty banter yet, was so prude at the same time. She would have made a much better queen if that jackass Alistair had chosen her over Anora. Maybe she would have survived if he had." His voice drifted off and a look of pain that I had never seen on him crossed his features. He had cared for the Hero.
"Prude? I don't think I would use that word to describe her. Not after the night I spent with the two famous Grey Wardens." Isabella giggled. The pain of loss hadn't left Zevran's eyes completely when he turned to Isabella with a crass remark about needing details.
"I wasn't aware that the Crows allowed their charges to leave the organization." Fenris spoke. This brought a hearty laugh from the former assassin, erasing any trace of the sadness that just overpowered his face. "Of course they don't! I've been fighting to keep my life ever since. It's actually amazing that the entire time I've been here I haven't been attacked. By anything other than this dark-haired beauty anyway." He winked at Isabella and put an arm over her shoulders.
"It would have made things interesting." I half complained. There was always something for me to do in Kirkwall especially since the rebuilding started. Here though I felt like a fly trapped in a jar, buzzing around with nowhere to go.
"If you want things to be interesting, I have some ideas." Zevran's accent purred. "Ooooh me too." Isabella chimed in. The both of them winked at me. I covered my face with my hands as my cheeks burned.
"When are the two of you leaving?" Fenris ignored the inuendo and pulled a piece from the pastry I gave him from it before popping it into his mouth.
"Soon. We just wanted to break fast with Hawke before we left. Our horses are saddled and packed." Isabella sighed. "I can't wait to be back on the water." I knew my friend's first love was the ocean. The joy in her eyes when she talked about things like the salt on the ocean air or the seagulls screeching was so pure it almost made me forget how much I hated boats.
She must have been thinking of all the things she missed because quick as a thunder clap, she rose and hauled Zevran to his feet. "The longer we wait the longer I have to wait to get her out to sea come on." Zevran chuckled as he stood.
"Well Hawke, it's been a pleasure getting to know you. If I live through this, I'll see you soon if not… well don't forget me." he bowed with a flourish.
"Yes, yes, my friend. I remember pouty lips… something about cheekbones…. "I made a show of struggling to remember as I teased him.
"AND GODLIKE STAMINA!" he shouted reaching over to slap Isabella's behind. She yelped in surprise and shot me a look that said I would pay for that.
I stood to give them a farewell hug and walk them to the stables. Fenris was silent as he followed. He continued picking the pastry apart and eating it piece by piece. Isabella and Zevran practically skipped to the stalls. They were so giddy in their excitement it reminded me of school children. It was contagious and I found myself smiling at their back and forth.
"Maybe I'll have them dipped in oil and wrestle on the deck. I can reward them with toast." She chuckled. I must not have kept my thoughts from my expression because when Isabella looked back at me, she elbowed Zevran and pointed. "Look there Zev, that's the look Hawke gives me when I say she looks at me like I just grew a third eye. What was it I said, Love? Was it the toast? Sailors get really worked up over it. Seriously." She waived her hands in the air as she shrugged.
"You know what, if all you're going to do is make fun of me hurry up and go. A break from your relentless teasing is starting to sound like a nice vacation for me." I dramatically swept an arm toward the stable doors as I feigned indignation. She pulled herself up onto her mount and smiled down at me.
"Oh please. Me and Varric have a bet on how long it's going to take you to mention how much you miss me when I'm gone." She reached down and tussled the top of my head. My mouth dropped open in genuine shock as she ruffled my hair. "You bitch!" I laughed as I reached up and attempted to smooth out the top of my head.
She poked the tip of my nose with a finger, with a smile as she rode off. "I'll see you in a few months Love." She shouted over a shoulder. Zevran chuckled as he clopped forward on his stallion watching Isabella trot toward the front gate. He looked down at me.
"You know, now is the perfect time to declare your undying love for me. We can ride off into the sunrise together. It would be perfect, no?" He had a dreamy look on his face and hadn't taken his eyes off Isabella. I laughed again.
"Sorry Zevran in Minrathous I am taken. Did you forget my 6-foot-tall engagement ring?" I pointed a thumb over my shoulder to Fenris who was still picking away at his pastry. He raised his head ever so slightly. Through his hair I could see the faintest amusement shining in his eyes as I spoke.
I am glad we spoke yesterday. If we hadn't, I don't think he would have been so amused. My smile stayed on my face as I looked back at Zevran. He had changed his demeanor to complete seriousness as he said, "Be careful Hawke. Even though your cause is righteous you play a dangerous game. If you back yourself into a corner, run. This is not worth your life." All I could do was nod.
"Good luck Zevran. Maker be with you." I said to him as I slapped the horses rump sending him into a trot.
Anything he said was lost to the early morning air as he sped up to catch Isabella.
"You and the loud wench are an odd pair." He observed aloud. He had finally finished the pastry and was standing with his arms crossed over his chest. I approached him and asked him what he meant.
"Your personality is so opposite hers that it's hard to think the two of you would ever be friends." The corners of his mouth lifted in the barest smile.
"Yes, I know. I seem to be in the middle personality wise between my closest female friends. They actually don't get along." I told him.
"And she isn't here with you because?" he asked standing straight letting his hands fall to his sides. He turned and opened the door motioning me through.
"Well Aveline is Captain of the Guard back home. She couldn't take months off from the position and she does not really agree with my objective. She's a real straight arrow." A tiny bit of sadness squeezed my heart as I spoke about Aveline. Our relationship had been strained after our trip to the fade. It was even more strained after I agreed with the two elven brothers that defected to the Quinari after their vigilante justice. The heartache must have shown on my face because Fenris said, "If you are friends, why do you look so sad when you talk about her?"
"That's a fair question. It's early, are you up for the day?" he nodded. "Good. Go get dressed. I feel like a run this morning." Thinking about Aveline reminded me of the early morning runs she and I used to do in the first few years in Kirkwall. "You're quick when you need to be Hawke but your long-distance endurance is terrible. We're going to fix that." She would tell me.
"As you wish." He said as he turned to walk away.
"If you want." I blurted to his back. He looked over his shoulder with a question in his eyes.
"You do not have to run with me." I stammered, wringing my hands in embarrassment. "I know my shouting woke you early. I'm sorry. If you would like to go back to bed or anything else. Inside this place you are not a slave." The last sentence came out in a whisper as I dropped my eyes to the ground.
I was too embarrassed to look up at him when he approached, footsteps light. He laid his hand, ever so gently, on my shoulder.
"Hawke." The sound of my name made me finally look him in the eye. I saw both warmth and mirth in the emerald of his eyes.
"I would be honored to take a morning run with you."
After he dressed, we started jogging around the fence line of the Pavus estate. We went an easy enough pace to talk as we went.
"You asked me about Aveline." I said after the silence started to bother me.
"I did. You said she was a straight arrow. I've never heard this turn of phrase. What do you mean?" He had turned his head in my direction when he asked. I saw it from the corner of my eye.
Not wanting to stumble and embarrass myself any more than I already had this morning I kept my eyes forward. "Aveline is the most popular Guard Captain that Kirkwall can remember. She was a soldier in Ferelden. I think she may even have had a command."
"Did you know her in Ferelden?" his questions were coming out hesitant, unsure.
"I only met her when Mother, Carver, Bethany and I were fleeing the Darkspawn." I reminded him gently and he nodded. "Of course. Continue."
"Aveline is the embodiment of a stand-up citizen. She believes in law & order and fighting for the greater good. Straight arrow." He nodded again in understanding.
"Aveline, Bethany and I became quite close in the time between leaving Ferelden and the first year of our indenture to get us into the city. Before I met Varric, I would have said she was my closest friend. I took her with me on every single adventure she could get away from work." The smile I had slowly fell as I remembered in my head how easily she turned on me in the Fade.
"One of these adventures was for a woman named Arianni. I was in the alienage when I passed a heated discussion between her and a templar." In my memory I could hear her cries.
"She is an elf?" he asked from next to me. I looked over at him from the corner of my eye. Surprise was written all over his face.
"Yes. She was distraught because her son Feynriel had run away. Poor thing had recently discovered that the terrible nightmares he had been suffering were in fact a rare magic called dream walking. After hearing her plight I agreed to speak with the templar to see if I could help find the boy. He needed the circle's help."
"You were raised by an apostate and are in favor of the Circle?"
"Yes. I do not agree with kidnapping people and taking them away to never be seen again but a safe place for a mage to learn how to control their magic is what a Circle is supposed to be. I think certain regulations should be changed. If someone passes their Harrowing, they should be allowed to live the rest of their lives how they want, within reason, if they don't, well I have no sympathy for anyone who consorts with demons."
FENRIS
I was starting to see just how this woman had earned such deep respect from her friends. She simply referred to the mother of the tale as a woman not an elf. She was kind and compassionate offering to help a stranger simply because she was upset. She was the complete opposite of everything Denarius had told me of the world. A brief surge of anger burned in my chest as I thought about just how ignorant I was having to depend on all information coming from Denarius. I pushed it down.
"You have a healthy dislike of demons." I complimented her. I felt the corners of my mouth tug into a smile.
"Dislike is an understatement." She practically growled. The hate in her voice was chilling. I silently hoped that venom would never be directed toward me.
Silence stretched between us again as we jogged. I could tell by the look on her face, her brain had taken her somewhere else and she was none too pleased by her thoughts.
"What happened when you spoke with the templar?" I asked her, trying to get her back to the present. She shook her head and blinked several times. Where ever she had been wasn't pleasant. I had seen the same type of look in the faces of the old Fog Warriors in Seheron. My chest squeezed as I remembered my shame.
"Same thing that always happens. "Here are all the clues I can't put together Hawke. Fix it for me."" there was such bitterness in her voice that I stumbled a bit. Her hand reached out to steady me. I mumbled a thank you, embarrassed.
With a sigh she continued. "It ended up learning that Feynriel had been taken by slavers. Do you remember the story Isabella made me tell during our little welcome party?" she asked.
I hadn't been as drunk as I let on that night and remembered the whole evening. There are fewer pleasures in life than good conversation with a beautiful woman. I thought to myself.
"From the night we woke up in the gardens?" I felt a little mischievous and wanted to tease her a bit about it. I was not disappointed when her whole face turned a dark pink. I laughed openly at it.
"Oh great. Another person who found out how easy it is to turn my face red." She muttered shaking her head. Her annoyance made the situation a bit funnier. The laughter felt good. "Keep it up and I won't finish the story." she whined. A quick look out the corner of my eye caught her smile as she teased me.
"My apologies." I started. "I remember a story you told about throwing a knife in the face of the lead slaver who was holding a boy at knife point. Isabella crowed very excitedly about how dashing that was."
"Yes. That boy was Feynriel. After the slaughter of the slavers that had held him captive, it was not very hard to convince him to go to the Circle. I've been told I am very persuasive." She laughed all the bitterness and anger from a few minutes ago was gone.
"For years, that was that. My life went back to killing blood mages and rooting out slaver dens. Eventually, I ran into Ariani again. Feynriel had been stuck in a dream for days and was not waking up. She had reached out to Keeper Marethari. She begged me to meet them both at her house because her boy respected me.
Guilt made me stick my nose right back into their business. I promised Feynriel that the Circle would help him and it seemed like they made a liar of me. I was determined to help him in any way I could. When we finally met with Marethari she explained a ritual to me that would take me to the Fade to see what it was that was keeping Feynriel trapped."
"Take you to the Fade! But, you're no mage." Surprise raised my voice slightly. There's no way she's walked in the Fade. That's impossible!
"That's true. I have no spark of magic in me like my father or sister but, Marethari assured me that wouldn't matter. She explained that they boy's rare magic allowed him to walk in the Fade freely whenever he slept. The nightmares he had suffered these many years weren't nightmares. They were his reality while in the Fade and the demons were trying to corrupt him. He had been fighting them alone for so long.
I did not know what to expect in the Fade so while the Keeper prepared the ritual, I gathered my friends and decided who I was going to take with me. I choose Anders because Justice would have a familiarity with the Fade."
"What do you mean? Who is Justice?" I interrupted her.
Her face took on a hard look. She was angry again but it didn't stop her from answering my question. "Anders was an abomination. He tried to split hairs and justify that since it was a good spirit it wasn't the same as being possessed. He was a little more in control than those who let actual demon spirits in but, Anders anger warped the spirit. HE corrupted the spirit." She paused for a second steadying her breathing.
"I wasn't sure exactly what would happen when Anders went into the fade carrying Justice but I knew that the spirit would assist me help the boy. I also choose to take a girl called Merrill. I do not like Merrill very much but I knew if I found myself surrounded by people who fell prey to the demons in the Fade, she would be the quickest to take down. Filthy Blood Mage." She spit on the ground like talking about this person left a bad taste in her mouth.
"You willingly traveled with a Blood Mage?" I was horrified. If I wasn't in the position I was in, I would never associate with Blood Mages. Blood magic is deplorable.
"Stupid child was naïve. She shared views with Anders that not all spirits are bad. Which I understand. Not all mages are bad. But when it turns into Blood Magic or Possession that's when everything changes. I was hoping to show her the error of her ways. Took her to several Blood Mage hunts and it never dissuaded her." She waved a hand in the air dismissively.
"Merrill is not important. I knew that the chances were good that she would be corrupted by demonic forces in the fade but I took her anyway. Aveline though was different. I knew her so well that I believed that my friend would resist temptation and if it came down to it, she and I would be a force to reckon with. I trusted her the most and I was wrong." Her voice still sounded a bit angry but there was profound sadness etched across her features.
"There were two demons who were trying their damnest to strike a deal with poor Feynriel, Pride and Desire. There were a few other minor spirits but they might as well not even have been there. Merrill folded like a piece of paper in a hurricane. The pride demon didn't even have his whole offer out of its mouth before she agreed. Since I expected it, we battled. I was right and she fell easily."
There was a smug look on her face when she talked about defeating the blood mage so quickly. I was enraptured in her tale. "Go on." I told her.
"When we reached the Desire demon, I was ready to be rid of the Fade. It is a vile place." She shuddered against the memory. "Once I reminded poor Feynriel that in reality, his father had abandoned him before his birth he ran. Once he was safe, that filthy bitch turned her attentions to Aveline. It took her longer to break Aveline. When she offered a chance for Aveline to see her late husband again well, she broke my heart."
I stole another look at her. Her face was a featureless mask. She didn't want to acknowledge just how much it hurt. After a few deep slow breaths she continued.
"That was one of the hardest fights I've ever had. I did not want to believe that Aveline chose Westley, a man who she said she had come to terms with loosing. Even after she apologized and explained herself later the damage had been done. I could not look at her the same. It did not help when I agreed with the two elven men who avenged their sister. We've been at arm's length since. Basically we've become strangers. I send her birthday or holiday cards or I politely inquire about her when we run into each other. I still consider her a friend because I don't wish her ill but, I no longer seek solace in her company."
"What happened to Feynriel?" I asked her.
"I couldn't save him. He begged me to kill him while in the Fade. It would make him tranquil. He didn't want to keep fighting the temptations and didn't see any other way out. I granted his request. Ariani hates me for it. If Anders hadn't witnessed Feynriel's request I think she would have tried to kill me. I still get bouquets of wilted dead flowers every year on the anniversary of his tranquility."
For a while neither of us spoke. I was lost in my own thoughts. Did my betrayal of the Fog Warriors affect them like this in their last moments?
Just as my thoughts began to wrap themselves in the guilt, I was feeling a small hand rested on my shoulder. "It was a humbling reminder that everyone is mortal and anyone can fall prey to temptation." She smiled at me and gave me a light shove. "Enough gloomy stories. Tag you're it!"
Before I could wrap my head around what she was saying she took off running. She let out a whoop and a laugh that I felt in my chest. It was infectious and before I knew it, I was chasing after her with a smile on my own face.
The dwarf watched from his balcony as the elf chased after his white-haired friend. They had been so engrossed in their conversation that they hadn't seen him arrive and he was glad for it.
It was pleasant to see her so seemingly care free. It had been a while since he heard such a genuine laugh from his friend and before he knew it his own grin spread across his face as he watched them run. He reached into his inner breast pocket and pulled out a folded paper. He read it once more and rolled his eyes.
"I'll let you enjoy the rest of your afternoon Little Sister. I'll bring you your bad news over dinner." He mumbled to himself as he struck a match. He lit the large rolled hashish he brought with him. He held a lungful of the sweet smoke as he continued to watch their impromptu game of tag. Fenris now had Hawke picked up over his shoulder and was making his way over to the fish pond.
"Broody, I hope you know what you're doing." He said to no one in particular as he watched Hawke get tossed into the water. To his surprise when she came up for air she was still laughing. He laughed as she shrieked fake outrage and lunged at the elf who was laughing at her.
The dwarf sat down and continued to smoke as he watched his dearest friend. He had been worried about how detached she had been since their arrival at Minrathous. It was heartwarming to see her in such high spirits. It gladdened him to know that the real her was still under the cloud that was hanging over her head. He would give anything, would pray to anyone, to see her as happy and relatively care free as she had been before.
He watched as she dragged the elf into the water with her. They splashed each other, laughing all the while. He couldn't help but worry about what could be developing between his friend and the half free slave.
"If he hurts her, I'll kill him myself." He muttered reaching a hand out to stroke his beloved cross bow.