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I opened the staff room door, satisfied, and popped a stick of gum into my cotton mouth. It'll be a shame if fate never allows Dooshik and I to cross paths again. We didn't exchange information; we both knew that's not what this was. Still, he was a pro at what he did and kind to his soul.

Much like Deku.

"BAKUGO!" I winced, not expecting to hear my name in a dark dungeon at sea. Then, the stuffy voice registered in my mind, and I groaned.

"What're you doing here?" we both asked.

"I got tricked down here by a smokin' bottle girl. I mean, whew, she was a hottie with a voluptuous body, okay?!" he chuckled like a sadist. "We'd just gotten naked when—"

"Stop talking. I don't want the mental image."

He didn't listen. "—She suddenly said she had to grape-rush back to her shift. Anyway, I got lost trying to find my way back to the surface level. So, thank goodness you're here! Can I follow you outta here, please?! Wait..." He was such a pathetic man, but at least he'd finally experienced a growth spurt. He slapped my shoulder, his eye line meeting mine. "Why are you here?"

"Bottle boy," I gruffed out.

"So, you got swindled too, huh?" Mineta clicked his tongue pitifully, shaking his head. "Well, such is life for men like us. Ball up top, amirite?"

I cursed. "Shut up, idiot! Don't you dare compare me to your lame ass," I smacked his hand off my shoulder. "Motherfucker, I'm me!"

"Ouch! Oh yeah, I'm the idiot for hoping you'd come back a gentler man. Anyway. Do you know your way out of here?"

"Tch. Go to hell." I frowned and yanked the purple-headed monster along. "Come on, ugly."

.

I've always had a thing about feeling left out. As a bratty old child raised with love and a killer Quirk, being the center of attention suited me best. That's why the shift in Deku's and my social capital when we started at UA was a real mindfuck. The dummies in Class 1-A all liked him, cared about his opinion, and constantly sought him out at every turn. It made me jealous because no matter how hard I tried to show them that he was nothing compared to me, that I was the one to look out for, my delivery always blew up in my face.

It was nothing like that in middle school. In middle school, I was the top dog, the head honcho. I relished being the most popular, the king of the schoolyard. I had all the friends, crushes, and attention.

And Deku had no one.

He had no friends, no teachers who favored him, and no Quirks to his name. Nothing about his puny, nerdy frame made anyone want to rally around him, which made bullying him all the more fun and easy.

How much I missed those days when we got to UA burned me up. Every time Kaminari hit my line, or Kirishima dragged me out somewhere that ended up being a class hangout, Deku knew about it first.

"Where're you hoes taking me this time?" I asked, digging my heels into the pavement. "And why do I have to be blindfolded?"

"Aw, come on, Bakubro. We're just heading to Lunch Rush for a study snack," Kiri reassured. But the glint in his eye told me I was being dragged into some bullshit I didn't want to be a part of. Kami pushed me from behind.

"Yeah, man! A visiting celebrity chef is whipping up some fancy crepes, and I've never had a fancy crepe, or any crepe for that matter, so I want a fancy crepe!"

"Say 'fancy crepes' one more time, moron, and I'll murder you," I said, low and angry. "And I don't want any!"

"Would you look at that? We're almost there," Kiri exclaimed. "Too late to turn back now." I elbowed Kami in the ribs and ripped off my blindfold.

"This is not Lunch Rush," I stated the obvious. We stood in front of a new French pastry shop that smelled so sweet from the outside that my mouth began to salivate. Even the desserts in the display window looked good enough to eat.

"Todoroki and Yaoyorozu invited the class out for these fancy—" Kaminari hesitated, "treats on them this morning in the class group chat."

"But of course, you didn't respond..."

"Yeah, because I have all you extras muted," I said. "And I for damn sure don't wanna go anywhere Icy Hot's bitchass chose." I looked down the street. We were less than a mile away from campus. I could be training with some third-years at Gym Gamma in no time if I ditched these fools right now.

My friends glanced at each other. "Midoriya's already inside..." Kiri said, his tone persuasive. I remained still as they watched me and waited.

If Deku were here, he wouldn't be training, which means he's not getting stronger than me. Another thought struck my gut. But if I leave now and Deku's already here, Todoroki will get to spend all that time with him, and I'll get...nothing. And I bet that's precisely what Todoroki was banking on, too! Me being antisocial and having Deku all to himself at this fucking French bistro feeding each other fancy-ass crepes like some fucking fa— Nah, fuck that. I wasn't going to let that happen.

"I suppose one chocolate eclair won't hurt," I murmured, shoving my sweating fists in my pants pockets. Slowly, turning my head back to the storefront, I saw those two assholes grinning at me. "What the fuck are you two losers grinning at? You're the fuckheads who dragged me here!"

"Oh, nothing..." Kiri whistled.

"Just thinking about these fancy crepes," Kami said as he walked behind me, entering the door Kirishima held open. They slapped a high-five.

"I saw that," I grunted.

Twenty minutes later, Deku and I had been arguing about All Might facts for fifteen minutes, and I was crashing out. The damn nerd knew too much!

"Actually, Kacchan, those wrist cuffs weren't exactly from All Might's Silver Age. David Shield designed some temporary cuffs as a recovery support item after he broke his wrist in a fight with the—"

"Oh, would you shut up already?" I barked in his face. He was sitting directly across the long wooden banquet table. Right beside Todoroki. (I FUCKING KNEW IT.)

I threw myself into the eye of the storm the second I spotted them at the center of the pastry shop's quaint, wannabe rustic French countryside aesthetic. We were second-years, and life was different in more ways than one. After a hellish year of trauma bonding, everyone was coupling up, and that was the scene I was tricked into. Everyone was seemingly paired off: Tenya and Momo sat together on the far left, with Icy Hot and the nerd on their right. Earphones and Pinky were clearly there for Dumb and Dumber. Ochaco and Tsu, too. Even Hagakure and Tokoyami were curled up in Dark Shadow in the bay window on the other end of the shop.

"Kirishima?" I rumbled. "Did you bring me to a couple's group date?"

"No..." he started. "If it were just for the couples of Class A, you wouldn't be here, bro. Relax, don't worry. Everyone else is on their way!"

Dying changed me.

(I thought about this a lot while in exile), but before Shigaraki shredded my heart, I came up with many reasons why I couldn't tell Deku I had feelings for him. Several of them prevented me from baring my soul because I thought they were good enough excuses to remain silent:

I shouldn't have liked the boy I used to bully. I couldn't tell him my rivalry was really love and envy, and I wouldn't have let him know how broken his leaving made me.
Besides, pre-war hero society was collapsing, and pro heroes were dropping like dead flies.
UA was on maximum alert, and countless lives were in mortal danger. Every hero had to focus on defeating Shigaraki and All For One once and for all.

It simply wasn't the time to talk about feelings and romance.

Then, I died.

There was a part of me that could accept dying on the battlefield. I was defending the lives of millions of Japanese civilians. I was stalling for Deku's arrival. As a hero, I knew it was the most honorable death one could ask for.

But the actual experience of my consciousness slipping away from my body left me sliding down long ropes of regret. I saw All Might's glowing yellow light awaiting to cross me to the Other Side, and I couldn't catch my bearings long enough to be with okay having things left unsaid. While standing alone in that white liminal space, I realized that letting go of this life wouldn't be easy. I thought about the world going on without me. Everyone would be moving on with their lives while grieving me, yes, but also while laughing, growing, living and loving and making memories without me. And that it would be okay. They would cry over me for a while, maybe smile faintly as they remember me in passing, but overall, they'd be just fine if I didn't exist. They would go on like I never did— my mom, dad, friends, and rivals.

Deku.

And I hated the thought so much it lit my heart on fire.

But there was another reason why I came back to life—

I thought about my hero. There was no way in hell I'd leave Deku to live without me. Once reborn and repentant, I took the limelight whenever I was in Izuku's presence. I wanted his eyes to always be on me. Only me. And I planned to let him know one day, but then there were so many reasons why that conversation had to be delayed:

My parents wanted me to recover at home. Deku's mom demanded he come home, too, and begged him to return to being Quirkless; there were still wounds and scars to heal in intensive therapies. We were trying to build a genuine friendship.

But truthfully, the only reason why I lost my chance with Izuku was because I got cold feet.

I just didn't imagine pushing my confession back would be interpreted as pushing Izuku away.

"Bakugo, it's okay not to know things," Shoto said with that annoying, dense brain of his.

"You would know, Air Head!"

"Air Head?" Shoto tilted his head, contemplative. "Is that because I'm the Air-Conditioning Hero now?"

"Oh my god, you too! Would you just shut the fuck up?" It irritated me that this was who Deku chose to spend all his free time with lately. What did they even talk about other than hero work?"

"You first," Shoto evenly replied.

"Bakugo, please lower your voice," Tenya scolded. "While we aren't on campus, we still represent UA at this fine establishment." His stuck-up attitude was all a peacock show for Momo's attention. She had been icing him out and clinging even more to Shoto because the dummy hadn't checked on her once during the war.

"She's not gon' fuck you, bro," I said. Tenya's face flushed, then soured into a fuming scowl.

"How dare you!"

"Okay, okay," Kiri said, trying his best to look like he was casually stretching his arm around Ashido. "How about we play a game?"

"Yeah," the pink alien cheered. "That's a mint idea!" She raised a devilish brow. "And I have just the game..." Everyone looked around. "Let's play hide-and-seek around Ground Beta!"

"Killer idea!" Kiri kissed his girlfriend on the cheek. "Speaking of killer..." Kiri turned toward me. "Bakugo, you're it."

.

"It's called separation anxiety, and I think you just need more time to process all you've been through," the hero psychiatrist said. "Dying for as long as you were and being revived is not the most common experience. You might be experiencing some fear of abandonment, loneliness, or even the fear of missing out on life while you were gone, repeating itself. It's understandable why you would be lashing out when you feel..." he hesitated but finished his thought in an even tone.

"Forgotten."

No, it's been long before then. Dying only made it worse. Yet, the doctor's words triggered a phantom ache in my heart.

"Be patient with yourself. I recommend continuing your treatment plan for another six months." It was supposed to be my last therapy session since I was forced to start seeing a psychoanalyst after being rescued from being kidnapped. I was glad it was ending because every session meant I was falling behind with training, and I refused to let Deku get stronger than me.

...Or Shoto to get the best of him.

"I don't have time for all that, doc. I've already been left behind."

.

A troublesome windstorm blew my hair on end. Frosty flakes misted through the clear night air. Thumping music beat like crashing surf against my eardrums, and my eyes took in the multicolored shards of glowing ice falling from the sky. It was snowing with an illusion of the Aurora Borealis above our heads, like a rainbow in the darkness. But how? I wondered. We were in the middle of the Pacific. I looked around to find the source of what was happening.

The sight we encountered when we stepped back into the fishbowl and set me off in a quirky way. I stared into the sea of people dancing without a care in the world; then, my gaze was guided upward. It was unnatural how hot my core became. It was like my Quirk was a rolling, contained explosion of a pain I could not name. Regardless, my Quirk has never hurt me this way.

My closest friends were all having fun without me. And as usual...

"Ugh, kill me now," I said, sniping at the scene.

...Shoto and Deku were at the center of all the action.

As if I needed another reason to explode.

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