Prologue
Tara Grace Knowles left Charming in March 1997 to find something more than what the small town she was born and raised in offered. She was unsure what that was, but she knew it could not be found in Charming, California.
Leaving Charming was not supposed to be a solo adventure, Tara wanted to go with Jax, her teenage love and the love of her life. They had talked about it and even planned on leaving together after he had done one year with SAMCRO as a full-patched member. But Jax changed his mind about leaving the small town and instead tried to convince Tara to stay.
Compared to Tara, Jax had all that he needed in Charming: a family that consisted of his mother, stepfather, and surrogate uncles, who cared for him and loved him. He also owned half of Teller-Morrow garage, which he inherited from his father when he turned 18, but he let his mother run it, so he could focus on the club. Clay, his stepfather, was grooming him to take over as president one day.
In Charming, Tara's only family was her drunk father, whom she loved. Her father had also encouraged her to leave the town and make something of herself rather than stay and be an old lady to a SAMCRO member. She knew that would be her future if she stayed in Charming with Jax. As much as she loved him and understood his dedication to the club, she also knew that life was associated with guns, prison, and death.
She had witnessed all three of them in the more than three years that they had dated. That life terrified her, and she wanted more, not just for herself but also for Jax. He had the potential to be more than just being a biker. Tara had tried to make him see that, but the club had too much of a pull on him. Jax wanted to fulfill his father's legacy. But Tara asked him to build his own legacy that did not involve guns, prison, and death.
So, when Jax asked her to stay after he had changed his mind about leaving, Tara knew she would not, but she told him that she would stay to avoid disappointing him. Her mind was made up when she was 10 years old, a year after her mother died. The town became a reminder of everything bad in her life; it reminded Tara of the death of her mother, her drunk father, and that she was socially isolated.
The unexpected death of her mother, Heather Knowles, from bacterial sepsis, on Tara's birthday, was too much for her father to take, so he grieved using cheap whiskey and vodka or any other alcohol that he could find to lessen his emotional pain. Eric Knowles, Tara's father, was a firefighter. While the job was associated with some level of respect, his drunkenness led to Tara and her father being looked down upon by people around Charming.
Eric would sleep in the local bar, called Reggie's, on some nights, get into bar fights, and be often arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct. He never drank during work hours, so he was able to keep his job, but working a 24-hour shift, then having 48 hours off, allowed him a lot of leisure time to get drunk. Also, the firehouse was known for being a social hub; the saying-if you want to find a good party, find a firefighter- held true in Charming. Among the things the firefighters in Charming were known for was their love for partying, but Eric sometimes overdid it.
With a drunk father, who was neglectful but still loving, Tara raised herself from when she was nine years old. She isolated herself from kids in school when they started making fun of her because of her drunk father, who never showed up for school events, and they would call her the town's drunk daughter.
Tara was not ashamed of her father because she remembered how good of a dad he was when her mother was alive. So she held on to those memories when she saw her father drunk and splayed out on the living room floor, or when she would bail him from the police station, or when she was called to go pick him up from the bar. She also understood him, she knew how much he had loved her mother and that her death broke his heart irreparably. He was also not a mean or abusive drunk, he was just a sad one who would sometimes cry when he looked at Tara because she was the spitting image of her mother.
Being socially isolated allowed Tara to focus on her education. She only had one friend called Holly Peters. Holly was also not in the popular social circle, mainly because she enjoyed dressing like a witch and said she was one, which scared people off, but Tara found her interesting.
Tara was the smartest girl in class, a straight A student, but she was not the most disciplined, often getting detention for ditching class even before she had started dating Jax. Even with her good grades, Tara was adamant she did not want to go to college. Tara wanted to live her life as she saw fit rather than let it be decided by societal standards.
She had told herself as a 10-year-old, "I will spend 12 years in school getting nothing but perfect grades, I deserve a break, where I just live and travel beyond the confines of Charming."
Tara considered the town inhibiting of her life. She was restricted from everything, including extracurricular activities, culture, and a social life. "This town refuses to grow, and I will not be stuck here. "
Also, she wanted to live somewhere people did not know her and she could build a life that was not associated with a dead mother and a drunk father. The plan was to leave Charming immediately after graduating from high school. But the plan changed when she met Jax.
Jax was not in the plan that the 10-year-old Tara came up with and revised every year. When they began dating as 15-year-olds, she thought it would not last. She was a straight-A student, an introvert, a virgin, and socially isolated. He was a C-student, a bad boy, an extrovert, and a social butterfly who was loved by girls. But Jax and Tara fell in love, and their lives and hearts became intertwined in ways that should not be possible for teenagers. They suddenly could not live without each other, and they became Jax and Tara, the Charming love story that no one had ever predicted.
When they began dating, Tara initially told Jax about her plan to leave Charming when she graduated high school, and he told her his plans of joining SAMCRO and following in his father's footsteps. Two different paths, at the time, neither of them considered their plans to be contentious; they were young, still trying to figure out life. But when they got older and fell deeper in love, the reality of their plans meant separation, which neither of them wanted. So Tara postponed her plan for leaving Charming.
After graduating from high school, Tara moved in with Jax officially in a one-bedroom apartment. Her father tried to convince her to go to college. She was the valedictorian in her class, and she chose Jax over continuing her education and delaying her travel plans. Eric called for an intervention. He thought a woman would more likely reason with Tara and get her to make the right choice, so he asked his cousin and Tara's aunt, Doris Knowles, to Charming to talk to Tara.
Doris Knowles was an English literature professor at UC San Diego. When Eric's drinking became a problem, Doris tried to get Tara to move in with her, but she did not want to leave her father. She loved him despite his drinking and their reputation in Charming.
"It is just puppy love, it will end, and reality will set in. You will realize how stupid a choice you are making, at least go to college if you are not going to travel, " Doris said to Tara.
"You can join UC San Diego, and with your grades, you can do any degree you want, and you can stay with me. Plus, it is only eight hours away. You can come home every weekend or during the holidays and be with your little boyfriend."
While Tara admired her aunt, she was adamant in her choices. "It is not puppy love; it is real love. We are in love, and we will figure out our futures together and not when I am in San Diego and he is in Charming."
For all her smarts, Tara had a habit of listening to her heart instead of her brain when it came to Jax. It is not that Tara wanted to be an old lady or fancied the biker life; she just wanted to be around Jax. The two of them lived and breathed for each other; they considered their love fate and that they were destined for each other. Living separately was a heartbreak that neither of them wanted to consider.
When Jax got arrested in late October 1996 for carrying an unregistered gun and was in prison for three months, the reality of the life she had chosen set in for Tara.
When he got out in January, they talked about their futures, what they wanted in life. Tara told him she wanted them to leave Charming. The plan she made as a 10-year-old now included him, it was the first time she had ever broached the topic of him leaving Charming.
"My whole life is here, Tara. My mom, my father's club, my family, and you. Those guys, Piney, Opie, and Chibs, are my family too; I cannot just abandon them and move to wherever with you," Jax said, trying to make Tara see reason.
"You are not abandoning them; you are building your legacy. Jax, you are smart despite dropping out of school, and you have a GED. You are allowed to decide your own life rather than live the life that your parents decided for you, even before you were born," Tara said, pleading with him to consider life outside Charming.
That was one of the problems in their decision to move. Jax had so much tying him down to Charming, Tara had nothing but Jax, and she was trying to take him with her. She hated the toll that the club was taking on him; the long runs, the injuries that she was always tending to, the arrests, the constant conflicts with other MCs, and him carrying more than one gun for protection. Tara wanted to take him away from all that and show him normal life.
Tara and Jax came to a compromise that he would go nomad after he had done one year as a full patch member on 12th February 1997, when he turned 19. Jax going nomad would allow both of them to travel together. Being together was always the most important thing for them. Tara was excited to be leaving Charming with Jax and even got his crow tattoo on her lower back to show Jax that she was dedicated to only him.
Gemma was not pleased when she found out that Tara was trying to make Jax leave Charming and SAMCRO. Jax mentioned to Clay in a private conversation that he would like to consider going nomad, so that he could spend more time with Tara, who wanted to leave Charming. Clay told Gemma. His mother was furious and accused Tara of breaking up her family by stealing her son.
Gemma approached Tara at her job at the diner, where she worked as a waitress. They went to the diner's backyard, where they had a heated argument.
"He is my only son, my only child, you have no right to fill him with your nonsense ideas. If you want to leave, you can leave, but you are not breaking up my family," Gemma said angrily.
"He is 18, Gemma; he can make his own decisions. If he wants to leave charming with me, then it is up to him, not you," Tara retorted.
"He has a legacy to fulfill, which is more important than you," Said Gemma.
"A legacy of guns, prison, and death. He was in prison less than a month ago. Don't you think he deserves more than that? What kind of mother lets their child live such a life?" Tara said in a disgusted tone.
At the words, Gemma slapped Tara hard. "A motherless cunt with a father who is the town drunk is questioning my parenting?!"
Tara, not one to take shit from Gemma, slapped her back with the same rigor and told her; "Jax is mine, he leaves with me!"
The heated argument began the frosty relationship between the two women. Before that, they tolerated each other. Gemma understood that Jax was in love with Tara, and there was nothing she could do about it, so she was friendly but sometimes hostile towards her when she questioned things about the club. Tara respected Gemma as Jax's mother and SAMCRO Queen, so she tried to keep her opinions about the club to herself. That was their relationship, but it changed after the slaps.
Neither of the women told Jax about the argument, but when in the same room, they glared at each other. As February 12th approached, Tara tried to gauge if Jax was still in on their plans by asking questions about their travels, but he was always avoidant, which made Tara nervous. She gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued to slowly pack up their one-bedroom apartment.
The morning when he turned 19, Jax confirmed Tara's suspicions. They were at the apartment; her getting ready for work, and him getting ready for the club. His birthday party was to be held that night at the clubhouse.
"Babe, the club needs me. I cannot just leave. Otto was arrested, and we are down a member, The club will suffer if I leave now," Jax said.
"What about our plans? What about our futures? Is this really what you want, babe? " Tara asked, on the verge of tears, about their crumbling plans.
"We can fulfill our plans, here in Charming, we don't have to leave. We can get married, buy a home, and have kids here, Tara," Jax said as he pulled Tara to him and wiped the tears from her face.
"I don't want to work at the diner for the rest of my life Jax and I don't want to be just an old lady. There is more to life than what Charming is offering us. Let's go find it, please, " Tara said.
"You can work at TM. Help mom with the books, and I will make sure she gives you a decent salary, and we can travel whenever we have time," Jax said, trying to assure a disappointed Tara.
Tara was defeated. Jax did not want to leave, and she did not want to stay. She loved Jax, but she knew staying in Charming would suffocate her, and she would always wonder what life would have been like if she had left. And she was afraid that if she stayed, she might start to resent Jax for making her stay.
So, on 1st March, when he was on a run to Arizona, she packed up her clothes, took half the money they had saved for leaving Charming, and left their small apartment.
Tara knew it was a cowardly move, but saying goodbye would have been too hard. She left a note that read, "I am sorry I had to leave and you had to stay."
The only person she said goodbye to was her father. Eric was proud of his daughter for finally leaving Charming to try and make something of herself. Tara told him that she still was not going to college but planned to travel until she was satisfied. Nonetheless, he was still proud.
"If you get tired of travelling and want to settle down, Doris will be waiting for you in San Diego," Eric said as he handed his daughter some cash to help her along the way.
Eric's last words to her as he hugged her at the bus station were, "If it was meant to be, you and Jax, he will find you or you will come back to him. But until then, the absence might make your hearts grow fonder. I love you, honey. Take care of yourself. "
Tara boarded a bus to Los Angeles, where she would start her travels, but she left her heart in Charming.
AN: The next chapters will explore the love lives of Tara and Jax during their years apart, so there will be OCs. It will end with a chapter(s) on Tara's return to Charming.