"You should go for him."
"What?"
"You'd make a cute couple."
Emily Prentiss was moping and well on her way to drunk. She threw back another sip of scotch and upon seeing her empty glass, signaled the bartender for another.
"You want to talk about it, Princess?" Emily barely contained the flinch at Morgan's voice.
"No." She pouted into her drink, hiding behind a curtain of hair. Damn alcohol. Her new drink dropped in front of her, she switched glasses. Morgan caught sight of her face, letting out a low laugh.
"Really? Because you skipped dinner with the team to sit alone in a crappy bar knocking back scotch like water. What's going on, Emily?"
"Leave it alone, Derek." Her voice was thick with emotion. She threw a few bills on the counter to pay and stood. "There is nothing to talk about."
"You know Emily, you really need to learn how to trust people." Emily froze in her tracks before turning around.
"Excuse me? I trust people fine."
"You don't. You always say you do, but you don't, Princess. Emily, you're acting different lately." Her body was vibrating. "You left quick, you ignored Hotch asking about dinner and now you're here."
"Derek…" She shook her head, backing towards the door. She probably looked like a caged animal.
"Oh, I get it. How long?"
"How long what?" She finally gave in to his request, not expecting what came next.
"How long have you been in love with JJ?"
There was a squeak behind Emily, who spun quick to find JJ behind her, arms tucked close to her sides, blue eyes wide open. She blew out a long breath and whipped back towards Derek.
"I told you to leave it alone." Brushing past her friend, Emily did what she did best – bolted.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck."
Slamming her hotel room door, Emily could do nothing but pace. She had practically ran back to the hotel to escape the bar.
The realization that she was in love with Jennifer Jareau was quick. The first time she knew was after Hankel, but she suspected after meeting the blonde. While the team had seemed so standoffish considering her shady arrival and sudden integration into their family, JJ had taken it in stride. She was opening and welcome, she made Emily laugh. Emily had always had a rule about falling for co-workers and it had saved her ass more than once, so she buried what she was feeling and focused on forming a friendship with the blonde. It barely lasted a few months.
Seeing the fear in JJ's eyes when she cornered her in the bathroom took Emily's breath away. Reid was gone; JJ was traumatized but she couldn't stop the surge of emotion that came out at that fear. She wanted to bundle the blonde up in a hug and never let her go. She never wanted to see another tear fall from JJ's eyes. She was a goner. So, she did what she did best: wrapped the feelings up nice and buried them in a box at the back of her mind. She finally had friends, a family. She couldn't lose that over a crush.
Weeks later, she met William LaMontagne Jr.
Will was soft where she was edges. He'd never stared down the evil she had, and it showed in soft eyes and kind words. More than anything: he was falling helplessly and irrevocable in love with JJ and she was falling back.
It didn't take a genius to see the sparks flying, even Reid noticed the change. The team poked fun at JJ the entire way back to Quantico, Garcia on the computer joining in. And where had she been? Hiding in the galley, trying to push JJ back into her compartment before the tears fell.
She knew they kept seeing each other. JJ started taking long weekends, sporadic days off in the middle of the week. It got harder and harder to compartmentalize JJ. That was the moment Emily knew she was (helplessly) in (unrequited) love with Jennifer Jareau.
Running into Will in Miami had been a coincidence, but she wasn't surprised by the sign from the Universe. Pushing JJ towards Will had been agonizing, but she knew it was necessary. But their kiss had made her sick to her stomach, so she had rushed her paperwork to leave the station, stopping only long enough to ask about a bar. She hadn't even heard Hotch ask about dinner, a true testament to her panic.
A soft knock came at the door, jerking her from her revelry and making her freeze.
"Emily? Emily, open the door. I know you're in there." Dammit, Derek. She should have known. "Look, I'm sorry, Em. I didn't know she was there. Just…open the door." She stormed over, throwing the door open.
"I told you to leave it." He looks appropriately chastised. She went to slam the door, but he threw out his foot.
"Stop compartmentalizing, Prentiss." She rolled her eyes, kicking at his foot. "You need to talk to her."
"I will do no such thing. You will do no such thing. Drop it." She finally kicked his foot out of the way, but a soft voice stopped her from slamming it.
"Em." JJ poked her head around Derek. She had sneaked up on them both. "Can we talk?"
Derek looked between them before focusing on Emily, gauging her reaction. She flicked a hand, dismissing him. As his footsteps faded down the hall, Emily crossed her arms, eyes suddenly interested in the pattern of the hotel carpet. She scuffed her boot.
"Can I come in?" Emily stepped to the side, inviting the blonde to enter. She closed the door, eyes still on the floor. "Is he right? Do you love me?"
Emily couldn't help the scoff that escaped her mouth. "JJ, why wouldn't I love you? You're one of my best friends."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it." She could feel JJ step closer. "How long?"
"JJ, I don't..."
"How long?"
"JJ, stop."
"Emily. How. Long?"
"Since Hankel." Emily couldn't deny it anymore. "I suspected when I joined the team, but I knew after Hankel." A soft hand met her chin, forcing her face up. She met stormy blue eyes.
"Em, why didn't you tell me?" Another scoff.
"And say what? What would I have said, JJ? We work together, it's against every rule. And you're with Will. And don't deny it, you've been together for over a year. You work with a group of profilers. You think we didn't know?" JJ looked away from Emily, likely working on a response. "JJ, I can't love someone who doesn't love me back. I won't." Seeing JJ open her mouth to protest, she shook her head, stepping towards the door. "Go see Will, Jennifer. You moved on. Let me do the same."
JJ brushed past her reluctantly. Their arms brushed and Emily did everything she could to ignore the electric tingle flowing up her body. The minute she was gone, Emily slammed the door closed, slid down it and fell apart.
The plane ride home was silent. Reid was asleep on the couch. Hotch and Rossi sensed the tension, picking up on Morgan glancing between the women. They sat on opposite ends of the plane. Emily had been the last one on the plane, taking the seat as far from JJ as she could. When they hit altitude, Emily jumped from her seat, near running to the galley.
"You going to talk about it now?" Morgan followed Emily back.
Emily didn't bother turning around. Her head was throbbing, a mix of a hangover and emotional overload. She poured splenda into her waiting coffee and walked back to her seat. She could feel eyes on her, which she ignored. They all knew something had happened, but she refused to give them the satisfaction of confirmation. Instead, she pulled out her book, pulled a blanket over herself and sipped at her hot coffee. This was going to be the longest three hours of her life.
She felt her before she saw her. A quick glance up was confirmation that JJ had sat down across from her, head propped on her hand on the table.
"Dinner tonight? Just us?"
"No." She went back to her book, staring at the words on the page without comprehending them.
"Emily, please." There was pleasing in her voice now. "We need to finish our talk."
"No, we don't. JJ, I'm not doing this here."
"So have dinner with me. I'll bring takeout. Don't say no, I will stake out your apartment if need be. I know where you live." The pleading had become desperation now, a hint of teasing in her voice.
"There isn't anything left to say." The pilot announced landing. Throwing off the blanket, Emily dropped her book on the table to buckle her seat belt. She'd never been so happy to see DC in the window.
As the plane hit the tarmac and rolled to a stop, Emily quickly unbuckled. As the team stretched from the flight, Emily grabbed her go bag, tucking the book into the front pocket. With barely a glance, she was off the plane and halfway to the airport building before anyone could process what was happening.
Her ride back to base was as quiet as the jet had been. She had climbed into the backseat of Hotch's SUV. One look at JJ left the media liaison climbing into the front seat of Morgan's SUV. She was in for it. She had ignored her boss last night and had nearly been late boarding the plane, hungover none the less. Add the tension she had with JJ and things weren't looking good for her.
"I won't make you talk about it, but if there is something going on with you that affects this team, I need to know." Hotch was straight forward, leaving Emily to feel like a scolded child.
"I'm fine, Hotch. There is nothing going on" She rubbed at her temples, feeling her headache reach full peak.
"I'll let it go for now, but this conversation isn't dropped."
After an impossibly long day and debrief sitting next to JJ, Emily packed her files into her bag at 1pm on the dot. Hotch had dismissed the team for the weekend. With a nod at Reid, Emily ignored Morgan and scurried from the office.
Climbing into her car, she threw her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. Her head was still pounding, despite the aspirin she had taken. She knew she couldn't ignore JJ forever. Morgan had opened a can of worms that couldn't be closed now. She just needed time to close the compartment again and reinforce it with steel.
An accident delayed her trip home, and it was nearly 3 before Emily walked into her apartment. Forgoing the lights, she dropped her bag by the stairs and walked to the picture window, taking in the view of the DC. It was impractical to live so far from work, but the view from the window had a way of settling her. She grabbed the remote for the stereo and put the music on low. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and threw herself down on the sofa, coat and all.
It was hours before she woke up again. The music was still playing softly in the background and the lights from the window gave off a glow, lighting the room enough for Emily to find her way around. She pulled off her coat, hanging it on the rack by the door. A quick glance in her fridge confirmed she's had nothing to eat but pickles and ketchup. Great.
She wasn't surprised to hear the soft knocking at the door. A quick glance out the peep hole tells her JJ kept her promise. Knowing the blonde had a key and was knocking out of curtesy, she flipped the deadbolt. Without a glance back, she climbs the stairs to go to bed.
Emily's weekend derails Saturday morning, when she wakes up to the smell of eggs. With a grunt, she buries her head into the pillow. She should have known. Knowing she can't put off the confrontation any longer, she throws on her robe and tip toes down the stairs, hoping for stealth. She's not surprised to find the blonde at the stove, flipping an omelet.
"Morning, Em." Without a look over her shoulder, JJ knew she was approaching. She sighs, finishing the stairs at a normal clip. "Sleep okay?"
"How did you get in here?" Emily shouldn't be surprised by the blonde's tenacity, but she is genuinely curious.
"Flashed my badge at your Super, he popped the deadbolt for me. You should talk to him about that." With a flourish, she flips the omelet onto a plate and sets it on the counter with a smile. "Now eat, your head must be killing you."
"My head is fine," she bit out. At JJ's popped eyebrow and frown, she sighs and throws herself down in a chair. She watches JJ turn to whip more eggs in a bowl. "Sorry."
"You always this cranky in the morning?" She sets a cup of coffee in front of Emily.
"I'm not cranky. My weekend was interrupted by some blonde who broke in to cook me eggs."
"Touché."
"JJ, why are you here?" Emily can practically see the blonde roll her eyes, despite her turned back.
"You didn't let me finish our conversation."
"Because there was nothing left to say." Emily pokes at the omelet, sips at the coffee. "Nothing has changed, Jennifer." She ignores the shiver she sees run down JJ's spine at her name.
"Everything has changed, Emily." JJ throws the eggs she finished onto a plate and spins to meet Emily's eyes. "Em, you're in love with me. That changes a lot of things."
"Only if we let them. JJ, I'm not willing to lose your friendship over a silly little crush."
"So that's all this is? A year and a half long crush? Please, Emily. I may not be a profiler, but I'm also not an idiot." She rounds the counter with her plate and pulls out the chair to sit.
"Stop, just stop. Jen, we cannot do this. Even if you weren't with Will-"
"Emily, I'm not with Will."
"-I can't…" The words finally hit her. "But, you. And I….what?"
"So articulate," JJ teases, taking a bite of her eggs. "They teach you that at Yale?"
"Jeeeeen." Emily doesn't love the whine that leaves her lips.
"Emily, I was on my way to talk to you when I heard you and Morgan. He's right, you do need to trust people." Emily rolls her eyes, gesturing for JJ to continue while taking a tentative bite of the eggs. "Look, when you pushed me towards Will, I thought it meant you didn't feel what I did. I dated Will because I couldn't have you."
"Jen, that's not…" JJ cut her off.
"No, it is true. Emily, I have been falling for you since I saw you in Hotch's office that day. The more I knew you, the more I wanted to know. And along the way, I fell in love with you. But you don't open up to people. Sure, you talk to us, but everything is surface level. It took months of begging just to get you to let Pen and I pick you up at your apartment, let alone be allowed into in."
"So, a girl can't have a few secrets?"
"Emily, you're more than secrets, you are a vault. How was I supposed to know what you felt for me?"
"You weren't."
"Exactly. Em, I never wanted to date Will. We exchanged a few texts, went on a few dates, but that's where it ended. I kissed him in Miami to make you mad or jealous or just anything at all. But it's you Em, it's always going to be you. Will knows that."
Emily couldn't stop shaking her head.
"He's a good guy, Jen."
"I don't want a good guy, Emily."
"I'm a mess. I can barely keep me alive. I'm not good at relationships, I don't do them for a reason."
"You're not a mess. And even if you were, you'd be my mess. And what better way to learn to be in a relationship than with someone you love. Someone who loves you back."
"Jen, even if I wanted to, it's against regulations. I fought too hard for this job to give it up and I won't make you do that either." Emily wasn't sure why she was fighting back so hard, instead of accepting the gift being given to her.
"So, we talk to Hotch, see what our options are. Emily, I'm not willing to lose you for a job. You mean more to me than that." Emily's mind went fuzzy.
"Garcia is going to lose her mind when she finds out." JJ's eyes sparkle, her smile dazzling.
"Does that mean…" Emily turns towards the younger woman, nodding.
"We talk to Hotch Monday. See what the options are. But I don't want to lose you to a job either." Emily barely catches the JJ as she throws her arms around her.
"This is going to work out, Em. Believe me."
Emily does.