-Chapter 4-

Bombs Away

Dark Lands

In the hall of Bowser's Castle sat a large gray rat with sunglasses, wearing a black-and-white striped shirt and pants with red gloves and boots. He polished his bomb, admiring his reflection.

"Ooooh, dat's a nice, shiny bomb," he noted. "Nothin' makes gettin' blown up betta den seein' yer own stupid mug before da big boom!"

"Mouser!"

Mouser jumped with a yelp, throwing his bomb in the air, where it nearly hit a torch.

"Oh, no!" Mouser jumped up, catching it and sighing. "Whew… dat wuz a close one."

The sound of a throat clearing reached his ears. Mouser slowly turned to see Bowser glaring at him, his arms folded.

"K-King Bowser, sir!" he babbled. "I mean, Your Majesty! I mean, Boss! I mean, Pooh-bah…!"

"What have I told you about bringing your bombs into the castle?"

"Uhhh… don't?"

Bowser nodded. "That's right. So what are those piled behind you?"

He motioned to the large pile of polished bombs.

"Uhhh…" Mouser smiled innocently. "Dead Chain Chomplets? There was nothin' we could do?" That just got him thumped on the head. "Ow!"

Bowser was far from amused. "Get them out of the castle. Now."

"Yes, Yer Grumpiness..." Mouser got to work doing so.

"What was that?"

"N-nothing!" Mouser got to work. "Ehh...lousy, fun-killin', naggin' toitle... No bombs in the castle, Mouser! Quit blowin' up the troops, Mouser! Quit that racket, I'm tryin' ta sleep, Mouser! One o' dese days, I'm gonna..."

"Let go of me!"

Mouser perked, looking up to see Kamek and Kammy hauling in a cage with Peach inside.

"What the…?" he let out as they flew off with Peach. "What in the name o' Brie...? Whuzzat Princess Toadstool!?"

He followed them, eventually lurking outside the throne room, watching and listening in as Kamek and Kamek deposited the cage before Bowser.

"Ah, Princess Peach," Bowser greeted. "Welcome to your new home."

"Release me this instant, you big, ugly brute!" Peach demanded.

Bowser slammed a claw on the cage, startling her.

"My, my, that's quite a mouth you have there, Princess. What would ol' Truffy say if he saw you right now?"

Peach scowled. "You leave my father out of this!"

"Or what? You'll hit me with a frying pan? Bop me with your umbrella? Cry so I slip on your tears and break my hip?" Bowser laughed mockingly, while Peach, insulted and angry, grabbed the bars.

"You won't get away with this, Bowser! Someone will come for me!"

"Oh, really? I'm shaking in my shell. Ohno! The royal Toad guards are gonna get me!" Bowser scoffed. "PLEASE. " He leaned closer to the cage, leering menacingly. "Those pathetic pieces of shiitake can't even touch my lowest grunts. You know why? Because if they did, I'd turn their entire hometown into a flaming crater. You know it, Peachy. That's why you're here."

"Why are you even doing this?!" Peach demanded.

"Why? Why? Why not?" Bowser chuckled darkly. "You see, Princess, I'm an evil, egg-sucking son of a snake. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly. And just like them, it's in my nature to be mean and nasty. I don't need a reason." He thought for a minute. "...Well, it's also fun and a good way to kill time. What do you think of that?"

"That you're a certified madman."

Bowser grinned. "Thank you, my dear. Kamek! Kammy!"

The two popped in. "Yes, Lord Bowser?"

"Escort Princess Peach to her room. You know the one."

"Yessir!" They bowed before flying off with Peach, allowing Bowser to turn to the door.

"You can come out now, Mouser."

Mouser slowly entered the room. "How'd ya...?"

"I could hear your annoying mouse chitters the entire time. It was giving me a headache."

"I-I don't chittah…" Mouser muttered before chittering.

"Uh-huh," Bowser deadpanned. "Anyway, it's actually a good thing you're here. I got a job for you. You get to use your 'shiny bombs'."

Mouser perked, grinning. "I'm listening."

Toad Town

Meanwhile, Toad and the Mario Bros. had returned to Toad's shop.

"C'mon, this way!" Toad ran behind the counter and started rummaging through his items. "Now, where did I put that thing again… Here it is!"

He rose up, slamming a giant book on the table. The bros jumped at the noise.

"Yikes!" Luigi cried.

"Toad…" Mario began, "What're we gonna do with that? It's bigger than you are!"

"I know, but it's our best way to save Princess Peach from Bowser," Toad opened the book and began flipping through the pages. "Alright, page 148, 148… Here!"

Toad stopped at Page 148. The page contained an intricate map.

"Mama Mia…" Mario let out.

"What is that?" Luigi asked.

"It's a map of the Toad Town underground," Toad began. "We can use it to get to Bowser's Kingdom."

"Seriously?! Just like that?!" Mario snapped his fingers for emphasis.

Toad smirked. "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Mario. The Toad Town Tunnels happen to be connected to the fastest way around the Mushroom World: the Pipe Maze."

Mario blinked. "Pipe… Maze?"

"What's that?" Luigi asked.

"It's…" Toad paused. "Actually, it'd be easier if I just showed you." Somehow, he managed to stuff the giant book into his pack. "C'mon, follow me!"

He ran off, leaving the bros. staring.

"How…" Luigi began.

"Best not question it," Mario deadpanned.

-X-

A bit later, Toad led the brothers through town. "Alright, we pass Club 64, turn right at old lady Tayce's house, and right again..."

"Psst! Mario!" Luigi hissed, getting his attention.

Mario turned to him. "What is it?"

"Listen, I don't wanna sound like a broken record or anything, but this is a really bad idea!"

"Luigi…" Mario sighed. "We can't just turn back now. I gave my word."

"Well then, take it back or something! This is... it's suicide! We're not heroes or soldiers, we're plumbers! We clean toilets for a living!"

"I don't care," Mario replied adamantly. "I'm not leaving Peach in the hands of that monster."

"I-I'm not saying we leave her, I'm just saying we should find someone - a hero or soldier for instance - who can save her. M-Maybe somebody Pauline knows. I-In fact, why don't we head back to New Donk City and ask her?"

Mario looked his brother in the eye. "Look, Luigi. I'm going to save Peach from Bowser, with or without you. If you don't wanna come, you can stay here, or go back to New Donk to ask Pauline for help. Your call."

"Ummm..." Luigi appeared to consider it before Toad's voice cut in.

"Hey guys, we're here!" They hurried up to him. "Behold!"

Toad gestured to a large, green pipe sticking out of a small cul-de-sac. Next to it was a sign that read "Toad Town Tunnels".

"That's it?" Luigi asked.

"Pretty awesome, huh? Wait til you see the inside."

Toad ran over to the pipe, hopping down.

"Well, you heard the mushroom!" Mario ran over to the pipe.

"Mario!" Luigi shouted. "Mario, WAIT!"

"WAHOOOO!" Mario leaped down the pipe.

"Mario!" Luigi ran over to the pipe, peering down. "Mario! Mario, can you hear me?!" Unfortunately, he leaned a bit too far in, losing his balance. "Uh-oh…"

He fell with a scream, plummeting until he hit the ground with a hard thud. After a minute, Luigi pulled himself up, getting his bearings as he took in his surroundings.

"Oh~, my head…" he rubbed his head, wincing.

"You okay?" Mario's voice came.

"Mario? Yeah… I'm fine. I just…" Luigi stopped as he stared at the expansive underground. "What the...?"

"Mario Bros., welcome to the Underground!" Toad declared.

The area was a massive cavern made up of gray stone, with massive pipes of different colors twisting and turning and bending all around. It looked like the catacombs straight out of an old adventure movie, or a Legend of Zelda game (1).

"All this is under Toad Town?" Luigi questioned.

"Not just Toad Town. This place stretches out all over the entire Mushroom World!"

Mario let out a whistle. "Because of the Pipe Maze you mentioned?"

"Speaking of which, what is the Pipe Maze?" Luigi asked as they began walking.

"It's this big maze of pipes and caverns," Toad explained. "Nobody knows who built it, just that it's easy access to and from just about anywhere in the world."

"And judging by how we got here, places out of it, too," Luigi mused.

"And it can take us to Bowser?" Mario asked.

"Well, not directly," Toad clarified. "But it can get us really close."

Luigi sighed. "I knew there was a catch…"

"We just need to find where the right Pipe Cluster is. Lemme check my atlas."

As Toad did so, Mario looked around, seeing something glowing.

"Huh?" He went to see what it was. When he got there, he was surprised to see a red, white, and yellow flower with a green stem and beady black eyes. "Ooh! You're pretty." He leaned down to sniff it, only to cough, "Ack! But you smell like charcoal!" His expression softened, "Still, maybe you'd make a good light."

After picking and pocketing the flower before hurrying back to Luigi and Toad.

"Alright, I found it! There's a cluster here that can take us out to the kingdom's border region," the toad explained, "We just need to go over that wall over there and take the backmost pipe."

Mario and Luigi looked up, seeing the tall Brick Block wall before them.

"Ummm…" Mario began.

"Toad, are you sure that's the right way?" Luigi asked.

Toad nodded. "Positive."

Luigi raised an eyebrow. "How exactly are we supposed to get over that wall? Jump it?"

"Um, no. We take the elevator."

Toad pointed to a lift off to the side, consisting of two metal platforms with attached cables. Mario and Luigi exchanged looks before shrugging and boarding the elevator. Toad followed, pressing a button with an up arrow.

"Here we go!"

The elevator began rising.

"A-are you sure this is safe?" Luigi asked.

"Course," Toad replied. "Just don't stand too close to the edge."

"And don't look down," Mario chimed in.

"Right. Don't look…" Luigi did just that. "Mario, I'm looking down!"

"Luigi…" Mario sighed, rubbing his eyes.

Luigi backed up with a yelp, panting. The minute the elevator stopped at its destination, he was the first off.

"Seriously?!" the green plumber demanded. "Who builds an elevator without a guard rail?! This thing is a death trap!"

"Yeah, it's a real problem," Toad confirmed. "We've been sending complaints to the Builder's Union, but their stupid dog keeps…"

"Shh!" Mario hissed, putting a hand to his ear. "Listen."

Luigi and Toad stopped and listened.

"Hey, I hear something!" Toad exclaimed.

"It sounds like a... mouse chittering," Luigi noted before shrugging. "Well, that's nothing to worry about. It's an underground sewer. Mice are likely to be down here-"

He stopped dead in his tracks, jaw dropped.

"Luigi?" Toad asked.

"Hey Bro," Mario began, "what's the mat...ter~...?"

The Bros and Toad stopped in their tracks as they saw a massive rat rummaging through a burlap sack, laughing to himself.

"B-B-B-B-Big r-r-r-r-r-rat…" Luigi stammered. "Big... Big rat big... rat... big.."

The rat perked, spinning around with a scowl. "Hey, who're you callin' a rat?! My mama didn't raise no stinkin' rat! Understand?!"

Luigi quickly hid behind Mario. "So sorry. We were just leaving. Right, Mario?"

"Good!" the rat nodded. "Now, if you'll exsqueeze me, I gotz a lotta bombs to plant before noon, and I don't wanna be late fer lunch!"

The mouse grabbed his bag, walking off.

"Oh, he's just gonna plant some bombs. Nothing to worry about." Luigi turned to go before perking, realizing what the mouse just said. "Bombs?!"

"What are ya, a Talkatoo?" The mouse turned back around. "Bombs! B-O-M-B-S! Y'know, the big, round, adorable, black cartoon bomb-type bombs wit da fuses?" He pulled out one for emphasis. "Like dis?!"

He promptly threw it at them.

"HEADS UP!" Mario yanked Toad back, hitting the deck as Luigi did the same. The bomb flew over them before exploding with a loud boom.

"I missed?!" Mouser demanded. "How the heck did I miss?! Dat red guy's big as a hippo!"

"Maybe your aim sucks," Mario shot back before scowling. "And I'm not that fat! You dirty rat!"

Mouser threw another bomb at Mario. "I told you, I ain't no rat!"

Mario jumped over it. "If the tail fits, wise guy!"

Toad gasped, realizing who this mouse was.

"Guys!" he exclaimed. "It just hit me who this guy is! He's Mouser! One of Bowser's stooges!"

Mouser scoffed. "I prefer the term 'demolition expert.' But yeah, what the talkin' pizza toppin' said."

"I knew there was something rotten about you, and I don't just mean the smell." Mario's fists clenched. "So what? Did Bowser send you to stop us from saving the princess?"

"Ooh! Got it on the first try! Very good!" Mouser applauded sarcastically. "Yeah, the Big Boss Man ain't too keen on youse mooks comin' and ruinin' his evil plan. Not that you has a chance or nuthin', he just got bettah things to do than smack you round. So he sent me to give youse a little partin' gift." He spun a bomb on his finger. "Meaning it'll part ya. Part of ya here, part of ya there, part of ya way~ over there, stainin' the wall."

He chucked the bomb at Mario, who quickly punched it right back.

"Uh-oh!" was all the mouse managed to say before it exploded right in his face. The smoke cleared, revealing Mouser covered in ash and his glasses cracked. "You know... you were just annoying before, but now I'm really cheesed off!"

"Good," Mario shot back.

Mouser scowled, pulling out and throwing bomb after bomb. Mario managed to dodge most of them, but one caught him in the aftershock, sending him flying back into the wall.

"Looks like I got ya now, plumber boy," Mouser gloated. "Any last words?"

Mario pulled himself up, rubbing his back. As he did, his hand brushed the flower he had picked and put in his back pocket earlier. It immediately reacted, beginning to glow.

"What in the world…?!" Mario gasped.

The flower phased into Mario, who began glowing himself. Luigi, Mouser, and Toad shielded their eyes. As the glow faded, they took in Mario's appearance: his overalls had become red, with his hat and shirt becoming white. He looked at himself, shifting left and right as Toad gaped.

"Holy shiitake…" he gasped. "That was a Fire Flower!"

Mouser's eyes widened behind his shades. "Ohhh… pellets."

"Fire Flower, huh?" Mario looked down at his hand, focusing. After a minute, a fireball appeared in his hand. He grinned before throwing it at the mouse. Mouser tried to run, but the fireball managed to make contact with him, blasting him back and igniting the rest of his bombs. Mario's eyes widened before he chuckled awkwardly.

"That's... not what I meant to do."

Toad looked left and right for a solution, his eyes falling on another Warp Pipe. "Quick! Down here!"

Mario and Luigi quickly took off down the pipe just as the bombs went off, burying Mouser in rubble…

-X-

The Bros. and Toad emerged from the pipe, finding themselves in a wilderness area filled with trees. A moment passed before Luigi turned to Mario.

"What the heck was that?!" he demanded.

"It was just a flower I found underground," Mario said.

"That wasn't just a flower, Mario," Toad cut in. "That was a Fire Flower! One of the strongest power-ups out there!"

"Power-ups?" Mario asked.

"Yeah, cuz they make your power go up," Toad explained, "You just touch them and focus, and they give you all kinds of special abilities!"

"Just like in those old video games back home."

"Pretty much. It can be used as a flamethrower and in a pinch, it can be used as a spicy, surprisingly tasty snack."

Luigi raised an eyebrow. "People eat Fire Flowers?"

"Oh yeah. Tayce T. in Toad Toad uses them in her recipes all the time. You should try her Spicy Soup."

"Maybe some other time," Mario replied.

Toad took in their surroundings, pulling out his atlas. "Okay, we wound up in the Dimble Wood outside of Toad Town. It's the long way, but we can still get to Bowser's kingdom from here."

"Then let's-a go!" Mario declared.

Meanwhile, back in the tunnels, Mouser crawled out of the rubble, charred and discombobulated, but alive. As he shook his head to clear it, he felt something vibrating in his pocket. Sighing, he pulled out a Koopa shell-shaped cell phone, answering it.

"Progress report, Mouser," Bowser ordered.

"Well boss, I blew up the tunnels like you asked. Nobody's gonna be getting to the Dark Land shortcuts anytime soon."

"Good. And the Mario Bros.?"

Mouser hesitated, thinking of a story before nodding. "They were crushed by the rubble too. Nothing but greasy little smears on the rocks."

"Right…" Bowser was clearly not entirely convinced. "Well, good work regardless. And Mouser?"

"Yes, boss?"

"If I find out you're lying and Mario is still alive... it's the bricks for you."

"...Right, boss." Mouser was visibly sweating as he hung up before making another call. "Yeah, Tryc? It's Mouser. Listen, I'm gonna need you to give me a hand here."

Author's Note:

(1): There are plenty of Zelda references in the series as is. As for anything more in this verse... wait and see.

My sincerest apologies for the long wait. I kept getting distracted with my other works, but I finally buckled down and got this done.

Next chapter: the Marios and Toad make their way through Dimble Wood and Plack Beach, while dealing with more of Bowser's thugs.

Voice cast:

* Mouser: John Kassir (Cryptkeeper from Tales from the Crypt, Enzo in Bayonetta 2, Ray Rocket from Rocket Power, Zombozo in the original Ben 10, Pete Puma in The Looney Tunes Show, Jibolba from Tak and the Power of Juju)

Please R&R. Until next time!