-Chapter 5-

Triple Head Case

Dark Lands

While Bowser was off plotting his next move, Kamek and Kammy had taken Peach's cage to the special room that had been prepared for her.

"And here we are!" Kamek declared.

"Thank Eldstar!" Kammy said. "This spell is killing me!"

They dropped the cage with a loud clang, Peach crying out with surprise.

"Do you have to be so rough?" she demanded before looking around. "What the…"

To Peach's surprise, the room wasn't a dank dungeon cell, but a well-furnished, if somewhat small and sparse bedroom. There was a bed, a desk with a mirror, and even a window; a window with bars on it, but a window nonetheless. There was even a small restroom.

"This is your dungeon?"

"Of course not!" Kamek said. "This is your cell."

"The dungeon's in the basement," Kammy added.

-X-

In the dungeon, a Koopa Troopa hung off of the wall in chains; his expression one of fatigue and hopelessness. Hanging next to him was a Dry Bones, who turned to look at him.

"Hey, Mac," he greeted. "What're you in for?"

-X-

"I see," Peach remarked. "Dare I ask why the preferential treatment? Surely, it's not simply because of my bloodline." Her eyes went wide with shock and disgust. "Oh, please tell me Bowser doesn't have romantic feelings for me!"

"What?!" Kammy exclaimed. "Oh, Stars, no! Ick! We're just keeping you in comfort so you're less likely to escape!"

"Seriously, get your mind out of the gutter!" Kamek added.

"You have to see this from my point of view," Peach shot back. "And I can assure you, the very idea repulsed me as well."

"Right," Kamek cleared his throat, then opened the cage so she could get out. "Anyway, this is your new home, Princess. Don't make waves and stay in line, and everything will be just dandy."

"Dinner will be served in a few hours," Kammy replied. "We hope you like it here, and have a nice day."

They walked out, closing and locking the door behind them. As soon as Peach was sure they were out of earshot, she began looking around.

"Hmmm…" she looked out the window, seeing she was in a tall tower overlooking the castle grounds. "Trapped in the highest room of the tallest tower... seems Bowser has a soft spot for the classics."

She walked over to the bed, lying down. "I can't believe this is happening…" She closed her eyes, clutching the pillow. "Mario... Luigi... Toadsworth... I hope all of you are safe."

Dimble Wood

"Maaamaaaa!"

Mario, Luigi, and Toad were fleeing for their lives from a very large, very angry caterpillar, its skin bright red and eyes a blank, glowing white.

"Toad, what is that thing?!" Luigi demanded.

"It's a Wiggler!" Toad replied. "Nice and sweet as can be until you make them mad!"

The Wiggler attempted to bite Toad, who narrowly ducked in time.

"I thought caterpillars were supposed to eat leaves and stuff!?" Luigi exclaimed, jumping over the Wiggler's chomping teeth.

Seeing a nearby tree, Mario jumped up, hauling himself up the nearest branch before reaching down. "Grab on! Quick!"

Luigi grabbed Toad, springing up and grabbing Mario's hand. As he hauled the two up, the Wiggler ran by, not even noticing them. They sat there for a moment, catching their breath.

"So…" Toad began, "that's why you don't tick off a Wiggler."

"How was I supposed to know that flower was part of its head?" Luigi pointed out. "I didn't even see the rest of it!"

"For a place with a cute name like Dimble Wood, there's a lot of big, scary monsters here." Mario mused.

"You don't know the half of it," Toad deadpanned.

At that moment, they heard a crack, turning to see the branch was breaking.

"Uh-oh…" Mario let out.

"Oh, no…" Luigi gulped.

The branch snapped, dropping the trio to the ground in a tangled heap.

"Pain…" Luigi wheezed.

"Ow…" Mario got up. "Toad, where do we need to go now?"

"One sec…" Toad shook his head to clear it before pulling out his atlas. "Well, Bowser's Castle is just north of here."

The Bros. paused.

"Seriously?!" Mario demanded.

"Well, one of them at least. He has a lot."

"You think it might be where he's keeping the Princess?" Luigi asked.

"Maybe. We won't know until we get there," Toad replied. "The problem is actually getting there. We can't just knock on the front door and ask them to let us in. We'd get Bobbed and Billed to bits."

The Bros. looked at Toad like he was nuts.

"Bobbed and… Billed?" Luigi questioned.

Toad raised an eyebrow. "Blown up by Bob-Ombs and Bullet Bills? Don't they have those in the Metro Kingdom?"

Luigi motioned to say something, but Mario grabbed his arm, shaking his head. Luigi sighed, dropping it.

"So, where should we go?" Mario asked.

"Well, I've heard talk that the Dimble Woods castle has a blind spot in security behind it. But it's only accessible by sea, so we'll have to take the long way: Plack Beach."

Luigi blinked. "Plack Beach?"

Toad shrugged. "You'll understand the name once we get there. It's to the south."

"Alrighty," Mario grinned. "Let's-a go!"

The trio set out at that. Little did they realize they were being watched by three pairs of glowing, serpentine eyes.

"SSSo, these are the fools Mouser was talking about?" it mused. "They don't look so impressive. A lone Toad and a pair of idiots with mustaches and overallsss. Ahh well, at least I get to eat something other than Shy Guysss, for once."

-X-

As they reached the end of the woods, Luigi perked, hearing a hissing sound. He whimpered.

"What's wrong, Luigi?" Mario asked.

"Well…" Luigi gulped. "H-Hey Toad, are there any snakes in the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Huh?" Toad perked. "Oh yeah, lots of snakes! Cobrats, Earthlinks, Mad Adders, Wrigglacondas (1), Slippas… but the one you really need to look out for is Tryclyde."

"Tryclyde?" Mario asked,

"A big, three-headed Cobrat who can breathe fire. He's one of the Koopa Troop elites. Has a reputation for gobbling his enemies up."

"H-He eats them?"

"Yeah, When he doesn't breathe fire to cook his prey, his preferred method of hunting is to wrap his coils around a victim, constricting it and squeezing its farts out."

"Um… whose farts?" Luigi asked.

Toad gave him a look. "He's killing you, Luigi. Does it really matter whose farts it is?"

Luigi whimpered again.

"Calm down, Luigi," Mario insisted. "Cobras live in the desert. Aside from that giant Wiggler thing, we're safe here. Right, Toad?"

"Yessssss, perfectly ssssafe."

"See, everything's gonna be al..." Mario perked, eyes widening. "That's not Toad…"

"Maaariooooo…" Luigi said nervously as he pointed upward.

Mario looked up, finding a trio of three large red snake heads staring down at him.

"Hello, friend," Tryclyde smirked.

Luigi screamed in sheer horror.

"It's Tryclyde!" he jumped into Mario's arms. "Don't eat me! I'm very high in fat and LDL cholesterol! That's the bad kind!"

Tryclyde hissed. "Don't you mean your brother is high in that, little Luigi?"

Luigi gasped. "H-he knows my name!"

"Of coursssse. Mouser told me all about you three. And I've been obssserving you ever since you ssstumbled into my domain." He grinned. "That bit with the Wiggler was hilarioussss..."

"Mario!" Suddenly, one of Tryclyde's heads opened up, revealing Toad. "Help! He's trying to eat-!"

Tryclyde's mouth slammed shut. "Beg pardon. Something I ate didn't agree with me. I wanted to devour it and... it didn't."

Mario scowled, setting Luigi down and glaring at Tryclyde. "We're not looking for any trouble, Tryclyde, so here's my offer. Spit our friend out and let us be on your way... or I'll knock your fangs out one by one, and make you eat them."

"Oh my," Tryclyde hissed. "I'd be shaking in my boots if I had feet to wear them on."

Mario narrowed his eyes. "Believe me, snake boy. I don't make idle threats."

"Well then, let me make you a counteroffer." Tryclyde's other two mouths began to glow.

"Uh-oh…" Mario let out.

"Run!" Luigi screamed as Tryclyde unleashed twin streams of fire. As they ducked behind a tree, narrowly dodging the flames, Mario perked, sniffing the air.

"Hey…" he began, "who's cooking hamburgers?"

Luigi's eyes widened as he saw smoke rising from his brother's back.

"I don't know about hamburgers, but your buns are burning!"

Mario looked behind him, seeing his rump was indeed on fire.

"Oh, will you look at that?" he said calmly before inhaling deeply and shooting into the air, clutching his flaming behind and screaming in pain. Mario ran around the woods, screaming and yelling like a loon. As he did, Tryclyde's two free heads cackled wickedly.

"That'sss right, human! Scream!" Tryclyde shot more fireballs at him, reveling in the red plumber's suffering.

"Hot!" Mario yelped. "HothothothothotHOT!"

He jumped into a nearby pond, sizzling sounding as he sighed in relief. As he did, his outfit shifted, losing the coloring from the Fire Flower and returning him to normal "Well... going to the bathroom's gonna be a trial now."

"Agreed." Mario looked up to see Tryclyde readying another fire attack with one head and speaking with another. "Passing your wide load's gonna be a nightmare!"

Mario scrambled to get up as the flaming head started opening its mouth, only for Luigi to jump from behind and stomp on its head.

"What the-?!" Tryclyde's eyes went wide as the throat on his free head began to bulge. Suddenly, he spewed out a huge gout of fire into the air. Unlike the last time, he looked as though he was in pain.

"Luigi!" Mario exclaimed.

"Mario!" Luigi shouted, holding up Toad's toolbelt and pulling a super mushroom from it. "Catch!"

Mario quickly caught the mushroom, stuffing it in his mouth as power surged through him. With increased speed and strength, he charged at the hydra. He leaped up and, using the boost from the mushroom, plowed right into Tryclyde's stomach at full force. The serpent's three heads gasped in pain, with one dry heaving. It gagged before vomiting, Toad flying out of its mouth and rolling along the ground.

"He spat Toad out!" Luigi exclaimed.

"My… dinner…" Tryclyde managed before Mario jumped up, slugging the head that spoke that in the jaw.

"Whew! That takes care of that," he dusted his hands off as they heard Toad groan.

"Toad!" Mario and Luigi ran over to him. "Are you alright? Say something!"

Toad looked up groggily. "I smell Shy Guy…" He promptly passed out.

"Don't worry, Toad. We got you." Mario slung him onto his back, then cringed. "Ugh… snake slobber."

"Let's just get outta here before he comes to," Luigi insisted.

Mario nodded. "Good call. South, right?"

"That's what Toad said."

As the bros. headed off, they failed to notice a strange device watching them from the treetops.

Unknown Lab

In a mysterious lab sat a small, elderly man, looking over computers and camera feeds. He wore brown shoes and a white lab coat with a red shirt underneath, and had a large head wider than his body, with a pink nose, a mouth with a singular tooth, large glasses with circles in them, and a tall but thin amount of white hair on his head.

"Gadzooks!" he exclaimed, adjusting his glasses to make sure he wasn't seeing things, "If I hadn't seen it myself, I never would have believed it!" At that, he turned to the doorway, "Plum! Plum, come here! You must see this!"

A teenage girl with black hair in pigtails and brown eyes hurried over at that. "What is it, Professor?"

"I was looking over the footage from the cameras I set up in Dimble Wood to see if they had picked up any peculiar sightings, and as luck would have it..." He pressed some keys, bringing up an image of a Wiggler eating a carrot. "I found the largest Wiggler I've ever seen!"

"Wow…" Plum deadpanned. "That's… big."

"Indeed," the Professor perked. "Oh! And somebody managed to beat up Tryclyde."

"What?!" That got Plum's attention. "Professor, are you serious?!"

"Oh yes! See for yourself!" The professor pressed some buttons, bringing up a video of the Mario Bros. fighting Tryclyde. Plum watched it, blinking in surprise.

"These two guys actually beat up one of King Bowser's elite? They're either crazy strong or just...crazy!"

"I'll tell you what they are, my dear," the Professor insisted grimly. "They're an opportunity. One that we mustn't pass up."

Author's Note:

(1): Our name for the Nyololins from Super Mario Land.

There we have it. Tryclyde is down, and we have an early appearance by Professor E. Gadd. Plum is from Mario Golf 64, reimagined here as his assistant. Also, WindstarOsprey and I reimagined E. Gadd as a less amoral Professor Farnsworth here.

Voice cast for this chapter:

* Tryclyde: Danny Mann (Thanatos and Hewdraw in Kid Icarus: Uprising, Mad Thinker in The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Ebenezer Von Clutch from Crash Tag Team Racing, Amorpho from Danny Phantom)

* E. Gadd: Billy West (Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd in the original Space Jam, current voice of Popeye, Philip J. Fry and Professor Farnsworth from Futurama, Doug Funnie and Roger Klotz in Nickelodeon's Doug, Stimpy from The Ren & Stimpy Show, Rocket Raccoon in Ultimate Spider-Man)

* Plum: Abby Trott (Yoh Asakura in Shaman King 2021, Nezuko Kamado from Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba, Maya Fey from Ace Attorney, Annette in Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Tae Takemi in Persona 5 Royal)

And... yeah, Plum is an Amy Wong stand-in, but me, I just can't hear her as Lauren Tom. If you can, go right ahead; these are mostly my personal choices anyway.

Next chapter, the Mario Bros. go out to sea to infiltrate Bowser's Castle. What will happen next?

Please R&R. Until next time!