-Chapter 33-
Escape from Icecatraz
Frozen Capital
The winds blew as Feldspar led the Bros. toward the city's outskirts.
"This way. Not much farther now," he said.
"You said that over an hour ago, Captain," Luigi whined. "Pretty sure the rest of your men made it back to base before us by now."
"They have. We always split into groups and arrive separately," he explained. "Makes it harder for enemy patrols to spot us."
"Still…" Luigi shivered before sneezing. "Ugh…just our luck to be the last ones to arrive, eh Mario?"
Mario said nothing.
"Mario?"
"Hm?" Mario perked. "Sorry, Lu, must've zoned out."
Luigi wasn't buying that for one second. "Mario, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, I…"
He flinched as Luigi gave him a serious stare, the kind a dying man would see on the hitman who gunned him down as he drove past him before he breathed his last in a mob movie (their mother really let Uncle Tony have it when she found out he let them see it that one time) (1). He sighed.
"Right, shoulda known better."
"You're worried about Mips. What Ludwig showed us."
Mario nodded.
"I know, I'm worried too." Luigi took a breath, putting on a smile. "But, I'm sure whatever Bowser and his goons did to her, we can undo it."
"I hope you're right, bro." Mario let out a sigh. "I hope you're right…"
Feldspar cleared his throat, grabbing their attention. "We've arrived."
The Bros. looked ahead and found themselves staring down an abandoned Toad House. The building had been partially demolished, leaving the common room and one and a half of the upstairs bedrooms exposed, revealing that much of the furniture and items had been charred black - no doubt from Bowser's invasion, as evidenced by the thick stink of smoke, burnt fabric, and mildew.
"This is your HQ?" Mario questioned.
"I guess there are Toad Houses all over," Luigi mused.
"It was abandoned by the original owners a long time ago," Feldspar explained. "And after Bowser attacked, it only got worse. But it still serves its original purpose as a place of refuge."
Feldspar walked over to the doorbell and held it down for two seconds. He let it go then, a second later, held it down for another two seconds. Then released it, and held it for three seconds. Finally, he released the doorbell, then waited five more seconds before pressing it twice, quickly. Suddenly, part of the still intact wall began to shake and slowly lower, revealing a hidden elevator.
"Oooooh…cool, secret elevator," Luigi let out.
"Thank you." Feldspar nodded. "Now, right this way, please."
Once the trio were crammed inside, Feldspar pressed a down button on the wall. The doors shut and the elevator hummed to life as the doors closed, along with the wall, closed shut and the elevator began to slowly descend.
About half a minute later, the elevator stopped and the doors opened again.
"Gentlemen, I bid you welcome to penguin rebel HQ: the Icehole!"
Mario and Luigi looked in awe as they exited the elevator and into the base. The whole place looked like something out of a 60's spy movie. Penguins waddled about going over or passing out documents, polishing and maintaining weapons, or sitting at old-timey-looking computers, formulating battle plans and intelligence reports.
"Mama Mia…" Mario let out. "This is pretty cool…er, pun not intended."
"No need to apologize, we get it," Feldspar said with a smirk. "This place is quite impressive."
"'Cept for the name," Luigi pointed out.
Feldspar raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with it? It's a secret base dug into a huge, underground hole in the ice."
"Well, it just…" Luigi made to speak, only for Mario to put his hand over his mouth.
"It feels…used," he cut in.
"I'm afraid I don't follow."
"Captain Feldspar!"
Feldspar and the Bros. looked toward another part of the room to see a pair of penguins running toward them.
"Sir, the troops have finished interrogating the captured Hammer Bros," one penguin reported.
"We know where they're keeping King Froswald!" the second declared.
Feldspar's eyes widened. "Well, what are you waiting for?! Spit it out!"
"He's being held in the dungeons of Fort Freezburn. Apparently, Lemmy's repurposed it into his personal castle."
Feldspar went pale. "By Grambi... He's in Icecatraz…"
"How bad is it exactly?" Luigi asked.
"Very. Fort Freezburn was originally our kingdom's most fortified military garrison. But when the Koopas destroyed the city… they converted it into a prison. One from which nobody can escape from. People have taken to calling it...Icecatraz."
"That must be where they're holding Yoshi and Toad!" Mario exclaimed. "We gotta get them out of there!"
Feldspar held up a flipper. "I'm afraid it won't be that easy. Icecatraz is nigh impenetrable. Only three kinds of people ever leave: couriers delivering supplies and messages, patrolling soldiers changing shifts...and corpses."
The bros exchanged worried looks.
"There's gotta be some way to get in there!" Luigi pleaded.
"Believe me, we've been trying," Feldspar replied. "But the Hammer Bros. make that impossible."
Mario perked. "Hammer...Bros.?"
"The ones who attacked you in the streets, remember?" one of the penguin guards reminded.
"They're Bowser's strongest Koopa Troops, second only to the Koopatrols," Feldspar continued. "And the prison's primary guards."
"You mean, those guys you all captured?" Luigi asked. "But, you beat them all so easily!"
"That was but a mere squad and it took almost everyone under my command to stop them!" Feldspar snapped. "There's an entire army inside the fort. You saw what a small group of them did back in the city. Imagine how much damage all of them could do with those hammers of theirs.."
Mario grimaced. "Right…those."
"Seriously, those things are crazy," Luigi said. "How do they even lift them?"
Feldspar shrugged. "We're not sure. Their hammers are made from an unknown material that makes them virtually indestructible, and they can destroy just about anything...or anyone."
"Just ask Manfredi and Johnson," one of the penguins cut in. "Couldn't use what was left to fill a teacup."
Luigi gulped in response
"Alright," Mari began. "So, our friends, the king, and a whole bunch of other people are locked up in a prison led by a wackadoodle teenage Koopa with magic powers and an army of super strong goons armed with indestructible super hammers."
He let out a sigh.
"There's gotta be a way to stop them…but how?"
At that moment, they heard a maniacal laugh.
"Hey!"
A set of doors on the other side of the area slammed open as a shell-less Koopa burst into the room, a pair of penguins hot on his tail.
"One of the prisoners is escaping!" the first penguin shouted.
"Code Blue! Code Blue!" exclaimed the other.
"Catch me if you can, birdbrains!" the naked turtle taunted, only to see that the entire base was gunning for him.
"Uh-oh…"
"Ice Troopers, attack!" Feldspar ordered, causing every single penguin within earshot to drop what they were doing and charge at the escapee.
"Aww crud!" he exclaimed. "There's more than I thought there were! I'm finished! Done for!"
He grinned maliciously. "Psyche!"
He reached into his shorts and pulled something out…something small, black, and smoking.
"He's got a Bob-Omb!" one of the penguins shouted.
The Koopa threw it at the crowd of penguins, the beady-eyed ball of explosive death into the swarm of penguins. The Bob-Omb flickered between black and red, growing faster with each second. Then, right as it was just at eye level with the Ice Troopers…
"Rip-rip roo rip-rip rip-roo!"
It exploded, scattering everyone and unleashing a dense cloud of smoke, leaving all present coughing and gagging.
"Blast!" Feldspar cursed as he hacked up a lung. "Where did he go!?"
"There!" One of the guards pointed to an ajar door with a sign that read "Armory" on the front.
"The armory!?" one of the penguins shouted in horror. "That's where we put all their confiscated gear!"
"Then we need to stop them! We…!"
Before Feldspar could do anything, he fell to his knees, grimacing in pain.
"Curse that Koopa! I can barely move…"
"Just stay here, sir," Mario said. "Luigi and I will handle him."
"We will?" Luigi asked.
Feldspar sighed in resignation. "Very well, but be careful."
Mario nodded as he and Luigi headed for the armory.
-X-
Inside the armory, the Hammer Bro was looking around, throwing open chests and toppling crates to try and find something.
"C'mon, c'mon, it's gotta be around here somewhere!" he whispered as he dug through a crate, only to find it filled with yellow blocks with question marks on them. "Gah! Lousy penguins!"
He angrily threw the lid of the create aside, knocking over another stack, revealing several piles of familiar-looking black shells and hammers.
"There you are!" The Hammer Bro ran over to the weapons and armor the penguins had taken from him and his comrades, passing by the hammers and grabbing one of the shells.
"Alright," he said with a malicious grin. "Time to give this place a good pounding…"
"Then off to tell Prince Lemmy the location of the rebels' base?"
"You bet….eh?"
The Koopa looked over his shoulder at the one he was speaking to.
"Looking for something?" Mario asked. Luigi at his side.
"Crap!"
Thinking fast, the Hammer Bro threw the shell he had at the Bros., knocking them over while he ran to grab another shell.
"Sayonara, suckers!" he shouted as he disappeared into the maze of crates.
"Hey!" Mario shouted, shoving the shell off him. "Get back here!"
As Mario went after the Koopa, Luigi looked to the rest of his stolen Hammer Bro gear.
"He left the hammers." He looked at the Koopa's namesake weapons. "He took a shell, but left the hammers? Why?"
Luigi's face scrunched up as he puzzled over what he'd just witnessed. Then…
"That's it!"
-X-
Meanwhile, Mario continued to give chase.
"Whatsa matter, plunger boy?" the Hammer Bro taunted as Mario struggled to catch him. "You-a have-a too-a much-a of-a ya mama's-a pasta?"
Mario growled. "Oh, I'm gonna make you eat my plunger, you…!"
Before he could finish, the Hammer Bro knocked down another stack of crates in Mario's direction, intending to bury him. Fortunately, Mario dove forward, leaping ahead of the crates, then going into a belly slide, followed by a quick somersault to get back on his feet, barely missing a beat.
"Ha! Is that the best you…?"
"Rip-rip roo rip-rip rip-roo!"
"Eh?" Mario looked down and found himself staring down the beady, white eyes of another Bob-Omb, the fuse barely an inch long.
"Oh no..."
BOOM!
"Maaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
The resulting explosion launched Mario through several stacks of crates, knocking them over and spilling their contents. Looking over his shoulder, he saw he was about to crash into an overturned crate of what appeared to be spike traps.
"Oh, noooooo…"
He closed his eyes, bracing for his inevitable impalement…
THNK!
Only to be met with the sound of something hard.
Confused, he opened his eyes and found that somebody had caught him. Somebody in a Hammer Bro shell.
"Hey bro, you okay?"
Mario did a double-take. "Luigi!?"
Luigi set his brother down away from the spike trap, allowing him to get a better look at him.
"Luigi, are you wearing one of their shells?"
"Oi!"
The Bros. turned to see the Hammer Bro had caught up to them and he was not happy.
"That shell's for Hammer Bros. only! You can't wear that!"
"Really? Seems to fit me just fine," Luigi said. "I mean, it is a little on the roomy side, but I guess that's what you get for putting on a suit meant to hold a big, fat, turtle butt."
No amount of words could describe the Hammer Bro's outrage or the ensuing expression at Luigi's choice of words.
"That suit doesn't fit you, huh?" the Koopa quietly fumed. "Alright…"
He slowly reached behind his shell, pulling out a hammer.
"How about I pound it flatter for ya!?"
The Hammer Bro threw his hammer straight at Luigi, the ballistic hand tool flying right for the center of his face.
"Luigi, look out!"
"Relax, Mario," Luigi said with a smirk. "I got this."
Mario watched as Luigi held up a hammer of his own. First, in confusion. Then, in surprise as he threw the hammer with the same level of force and dexterity as its original wielders. The two hammers crashed into each other, halting their voyages mid-flight before falling to the ground with a loud clang.
"What!?" the Hammer Bro shouted in disbelief.
"Haha! It worked!" Luigi cheered as Mario's eyes widened in realization.
"Their shells…Luigi, you're a genius!"
"Yep!" Luigi tapped the front of the shell. "Turns out they're actually some kind of Power-Up! You put it on and you get a huge boost of strength!"
"N-No, it doesn't!" the Hammer Bros denied in a panic. "The shells don't make us stronger! It's…uhhhh…Carrots! That's it! We eat our vegetables! Unlike Really, Really Big Guy over here!"
Mario and Luigi gave the Koopa the flattest look they could muster as he laughed himself silly. Laughter that slowly began to die as he realized they weren't even reacting.
"Vegetables, right," Mario said.
"Pants him like that jerk from Mips' eighth-grade dance?" Luigi asked.
Mario smirked. "You read my mind."
The Hammer Bro charged at Mario, another hammer in hand. He swung at Mario, only for Luigi to block the attack with his shell, stunning him from the resulting recoil. Capitalizing on this, Mario ran over to the Hammer Bro, going into a ducking slide…
"Take this!"
…before socking him with a jumping uppercut. The Hammer Bro's ears rang as Mario's gloved fist rammed right into his jaw, like the sound of coins falling and landing from a great height in rapid succession. The blow was so strong, he was launched right out of his shell and into the ceiling.
"Owww…" the Koopa let out as he slowly peeled off and fell to the ground.
Mario and Luigi looked down at their beaten opponent.
"This guy was one of Bowser's best troops?" Mario asked.
"Well, he's certainly one of the braver Koopas we've faced," Luigi pointed out.
"Fair…" Mario picked up the turtle's freshly re-abandoned shell. "So, how do I put this on?"
"Like coveralls," Luigi explained. "Just step in through the neck."
Mario did so, slipping the shell on like was nothing.
"Oh wow, this is roomy," he said.
"I know, right?" Luigi handed him a helmet. "Here."
Mario put on the helmet, making sure it was strapped on tight.
"Well, whaddya think? Do I pull it off?"
Luigi gave a thumbs up. "Sure do! Ooh, try lifting his hammer!"
Mario walked over to his foe's discarded weapon and reached down to pick it up. To his surprise, it felt as light as air. A stark contrast to the miniature anchor he tried to hold earlier.
"Mama Mia, it's like it's made out of plastic."
He turned to one of the spikes he almost crashed into and lightly tapped one of the metal spikes with the hammer. To his shock, the trip broke off, the metal cracking as if it were rock.
"Whoa!" he shouted, nearly dropping the hammer. "Okay, now I see why they're so high up. These are awesome!"
"Yeah," Luigi concurred. "Can you imagine the damage we could do with these babies?"
Mario perked. "Maybe we don't have to…"
Mario looked at Luigi. Then, the hammer. Then, the spikes. Then, Luigi again, with a knowing grin.
Luigi looked at Mario. Then, the spikes. Then, the hammer. Then, Mario again, with a knowing grin.
"Hey! Captain Feldspar!"
Outside Icecatraz
A pair of Hammer Bros. stood guard atop the awning, utterly bored.
"I spy with my little eye... something-" one began.
"Is it cold, white, or tiny?" the second cut off. "Cuz if it is, I'm gonna spy something black, blue, and red."
"Errrr..." the first looked around nervously when he saw something. "H-Hey, what's that?"
He pointed at some figures walking toward the gate.
"Oh thank Grambi, the relief shift," the second one sighed. "Oi! You're late!"
"Sorry!" one of the Bros. replied. "We got a little sidetracked! But check out what we found!"
The two Hammer Bros stepped aside, revealing Feldspar and several other penguins tied up. Feldspar let out an annoyed growl.
"Is that the rebellion's leader?" the first Hammer Bro. asked.
The second one grinned. "Well, well, this is a surprise."
"Yep!" the third grinned. "We even found the location of their base!"
"Let us in so we can tell Prince Lemmy!" the fourth insisted.
"Right! Finally, some excitement!"
They lowered the drawbridge, allowing the group to cross.
"You will regret this," Feldspar warned.
The first Bro. chuckled. "I don't think you're in a position to-"
Feldspar grinned. "No. I mean you'll regret being so gullible."
Suddenly, he shook out his flippers, the chains dropping. Then the two "Hammer Bros." guarding him smacked the guards in the face with their hammers, sending them flying into the wall. They raised their helmets, revealing themselves to be the Mario Bros. in Hammer Bro. suits.
"Wookiee prisoner gambit," Mario remarked.
"Works every time," Luigi boasted as they did a side fist bump.
"You can lookie at gambling later. We're on a mission," Feldspar turned to the penguins across the bridge. "Ice Troopers! Storm the prison!"
The penguins all drew their weapons and let out a battle cry. The bros parted for the penguins, making sure to smash the winch mechanism for raising the bridge.
"Alright," Mario smirked. "Let's-a go!"
Throne Room
Meanwhile, Lemmy was lounging on the throne, playing video games.
"Alright, now just go that way and… Crud! Trap! Okay, try again… Just swing my sword and..."
There was a low beep noise, complete with a message on the screen reading "YOU KILLED YOUR OWN FAIRY."
"Darn fairy!"
Suddenly, the doors burst open
"Hey, Lemmy!" Mario declared.
"Game's over!" Luigi shouted.
"Not now, I'm busy!" Lemmy snapped. "Now, where's that stupid small key?"
Mario blinked. "Wait, what are you playing?"
Both of them came up so they were looking over Lemmy's shoulder.
"Is that The Legend of Zelda? " Luigi asked.
"They have that here?" Mario questioned. "Wow."
"Yeah, it's some weird bootleg hack with a whole bunch of weirdo rules to make it harder." Lemmy grinned. "Get this, you can finally kill that stupid fairy!"
"Oh seriously?" Mario couldn't help but smile. "I always hated Navi."
"She was annoying," Luigi admitted.
"I know, right!" Lemmy was grinning as if speaking with some like-minded peers.
"Mips has that Skyward Sword game, the one with the spirit in the sword." Mario shook his head. "It always ruins the immersion when it warns you about your Wii Remote batteries dying."
"Ugh…" Lemmy shook his head. "Yeah. Still not as bad as 'Hey! Listen!' Seriously, I get it was the first 3D game and they were still figuring stuff out, but they could've done a whole...lot...better..."
He slowly trailed off, turning to see Mario and Luigi.
"Hi," Mario greeted before smacking Lemmy in the face with his hammer.
"KOING!" Lemmy declared as he fell over, little 8-Bit Marios and Luigis running around his head like stars or birds.
"Did he just... vocalize that?" Luigi questioned.
"Considering how he was when we first met him..." Mario gestured to the downed Koopa.
"Riiiiight..."
The two of them approached Lemmy, Mario bending down and plucking the Koopaling's wand from the kid's hand.
"There we go."
"Now, where are our friends?" Luigi demanded.
"Jump and hit the circle button..." Lemmy said in a daze. "Wait… That's the other guys… The ones we backstabbed..." (2)
"Yeeeeeah…" Mario shook his head. "I don't think we're getting anything outta him now."
"Right," Luigi nodded. "Should we... do something?"
Mario looked at the wand, then at Lemmy.
-X-
Later…
A parrot bearing Lemmy's multicolored mohawk was in an icy birdcage. Mario nodded in approval.
"That should work."
"Why a parrot?" Luigi asked.
Mario shrugged. "Made the most sense to me."
"RAWK! Pretty bird! Pretty bird! Hello! Hello! Shine get! Shine get! RAAAWK!"
"See? He likes it." Mario then held out the keys he took from Lemmy. "Let's go free the others."
"Right!"
The two raced off, leaving the parrot Lemmy alone.
"Don't forget...DL-6!"
-X-
Mario and Luigi entered the dungeons, seeing how big and dark it was.
"Yikes," Luigi shuddered. "Remember that Alcatraz tour we took during high school?"
"Yeah," Mario nodded. "Same, but icier"
"How are we gonna find them? They could be in any of these cells!"
That was when they heard harmonica music.
"Worth a look."
The two headed down the stairs… only to slip.
"Whoa!"
"Waaaa!"
The two slid and tumbled down, yelping at every impact. Only their Hammer Bro shells and helmets kept them from smashing themselves too hard on the ice.
-X-
Meanwhile...
In his cell, Toad was playing a harmonica in the cell.
"Yeeeeeeeeah, I got them 'I got brain-zapped by a masked man and tossed in jail by a crazy, ball-riding Koopa so now I'm stuck here freezing my butt off in the middle of a basement dungeon in winter' bluuuuues..." He sang as he went back to playing the harmonica, much to Yoshi and Froswald's annoyance.
"Young Toad, for everyone's sanity, please cease your playing!" Froswald snapped. "This place is maddening enough as it is."
"But this could be the only chance I get to play the 'Prison Harmonica' bit!" Toad objected. "Do you know how hard it was to smuggle this in?"
He went back to playing… only for Yoshi's tongue to swipe it out of his hands.
"Hey!" Toad scowled. "You better spit that out or-"
Yoshi swallowed it, letting out a long, loud burp. "Oopsie. Noise square gone now."
"You jerk!" Toad cried. "That was my only harmonica! And you ate it!"
"Yep!" Yoshi smiled.
"And the world is a better place for it." Froswald deadpanned.
Before the argument could continue, the Mario Brothers came clattering down the stairs, landing in a pile before sliding across the ice with a loud "OOF!"
"Uuuuuugh..." Mario groaned.
"Hello?" Luigi slurred. "Is the lady of the house present?"
"Aw great, more Hammer Bros!" Toad moaned.
"No, not Hammer Bros," Yoshi perked. "Mario Bros!"
"What!?" Froswald exclaimed as the two slowly sat up.
"Remember that time Uncle Tony forgot to salt the stoop?" Luigi asked.
Mario cringed. "At least this time we had helmets."
"Guys!"
The Bros turned to see Toad and Yoshi.
"Oh, hey guys. And you must be King Froswald. Quick question…" Mario held up Lemmy's wand. "Do we need this or are you a penguin like Feldspar?"
Froswald sighed. "Of course, I'm a penguin. Lemmy didn't feel the need to transform me."
"Just checking," Mario pocketed the wand. "Care to do the honors, Lu?"
Luigi twirled the hammer in his hands, then smashed the door lock, holding it open like a doorman.
"After you."
The prisoners walked out, Luigi breaking their ice bonds as they exited.
"Woohoo!" Toad cheered. "Sweet freedom!"
"Huzzah!" Froswald declared.
"Ninamooooo!" (3) Yoshi cheered.
"Alright, that's one down..." Mario looked at the other cells. "About a hundred more to go..."
One very long prison break later...
Mario broke the last of the prison locks, wiping his forehead. Despite the icy conditions, he was sweating profusely.
"Whew! Alright, is that everyone?"
"It is indeed," Feldspar declared, he and his army joining the bros. "We've already rounded up the rest of the Koopas and have reclaimed the fort. This is a victory for all of us."
"Captain." Froswald greeted.
"Ah! Your Highness!" Froswald cleared his throat. "Sir, I apologize for not rescuing you sooner! We...!"
"Enough. You have done well," Froswald smiled. "Raise your head and be proud. Tonight, you have saved your kingdom. You and your men."
"Thank you, sire!" Feldspar saluted.
"Not to rush ice birdies, but we should go now," Yoshi said.
"Indeed," Froswald's expression soured. "I need to show that mad Koopa who's in charge."
"Oh, we took care of that," Mario assured.
"Yeah, Lemmy's a parrot now," Luigi added.
Feldspar blanched. "A... a parrot? Um… quick question. Would this be the parrot in the throne room?"
The bros got a sinking feeling.
"Yes..." Mario confirmed.
"Because I remember you mentioning kings being turned into animals. So I asked it if it was King Froswald
it said yes... so…"
The blood drained out of Luigi's face. "Ohhhhh noooooooooo..."
A loud crash reached their ears.
"That's not good!" Mario cried.
The Bros. ran as Froswald gave Feldspar a look.
"We will discuss this later," he said sternly.
"Yes, sir."
They followed the Bros.
-X-
"C'mon!" Mario cried as they reached the ground floor. "We gotta find Lemmy before he does some real damage!"
"Fun Balls! Fun Balls! Get yer Fun Balls! BRAWK!"
The group looked up to see several massive Fun Balls raining down on them.
"What the...!?" Mario exclaimed.
"MOVE!" Froswald screamed.
Everyone bolted, narrowly avoiding the giant, bouncing balls of doom.
"Wait, so he doesn't need the wand?" Luigi cried. "He can just pop them out whenever!?"
"He's a mad genius," Mario mused.
"BRAWK! Mad Genius!" The parrot then let out the bird equivalent of a laugh before summoning another funball, this one absolutely massive.
"Judas priest!" Feldspar cried.
"It's huge!" Toad let out.
"RAWK! Big ball, big fun! SPLAT!"
The giant ball began to descend.
"Big ball of fun falling right at us!" Yoshi cried. "Red man..."
"RAWK!" Lemmy squawked. "No point fighting! SUPER Fun Ball super strong! Indestructible! RAWK! Hee-hoo!"
"Is that so?" Luigi asked. "Mario, do you trust me?"
"Of course I do," Mario replied.
"Good. Then ready your hammer."
Mario nodded, pulling out his hammer. Luigi did the same.
"BRAWK! Stupid bros! You die now! Brawk!"
The Mario raised their hammers like they were getting ready to throw. They turned to one another, sharing a nod. Then, to everyone's surprise, they charge)
"HUH!?" Everyone let out
"BRAWK!?" Lemmy squawked.
The Bros. leapt into the air and went into spinning somersault jumps, plowing right into the SUPER Fun Ball. Working together, they shattered the ball, which in turn shattered their hammers. Their shells took the brunt of the damage as they kept going forward, the Bros. punching the parrot right in the beak
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!"
Lemmy went flying into the ceiling. He collided head-first before falling to the floor out cold, hitting with an audible splat. The bros shed their now damaged armor, peeling the parrot off the ice
"RRRRRaaaaaaaw..." Lemmy let out, dazed.
Luigi looked around "Anyone got a box?"
-X-
Sometime later, Froswald was on his throne once again, prison stripes switched out for regal robes. Lemmy was now in a small crate designed for shipping. There were air holes, a stamp that read "wild animal inside", and a shipping label directed to the Dark Lands. As a pair of penguins took the box away, Mario gave it a once-over.
"Did you add a fragile sticker to the box?"
"No," Luigi replied bluntly.
"… 'Kay, just asking."
"I did grab this, though." Luigi held up Lemmy's phone. "And I checked his contacts."
He showed a contact marked "Squishy". The photo was of a familiar girl making a funny face while crossing her eyes and sticking out her tongue. Mario's eyes widened.
"Oh no..." he gasped.
"Pink girl?" Yoshi asked.
"Magenta," the Bros. clarified, the quickness of their reply suggesting it to be a habitual response.
"That hat..." Toad perked. "Hey...is she...?"
"Our sister..." Mario confirmed. "Mary Pat…"
"She was the Blue Hood," Luigi confirmed.
Toad and Yoshi went slack-jawed, as did all the penguins.
"My word..." Feldspar gasped. "That Koopa soldier that was rumored to be on par with you?"
"What in the world is your sister doing in Lemmy's contacts!?" Froswald demanded.
"That's what we're trying to find out," Mario replied.
"And I know the best way." Luigi hit the call button, putting the phone on speaker. It rang twice, then the phone was picked up.
"Hey, Lemmy. You freeze your tail off yet?"
"Mips…" Mario let out, recognizing his sister's voice anywhere.
There was silence, and when she spoke again, there was a dark, bitter edge to her voice.
"Well, well, well." They heard sarcastic clapping on the other end. "Seems you finally figured it out. Congratu-" Static interrupted the call for a brief moment "-lations."
Mario and Luigi could only gape in shock.
" What's the matter, Bro? " MP asked, her voice even icier than their surroundings. " Lost for words? I expected more. I'm hurt. "
"MP, listen," Mario insisted. "Whatever Bowser told you is a trick."
MP exploded, the phone practically shaking in their hands.
"Don't you DARE lie to me! How long did you try finding a way back home before giving up and embracing your little celebrity status here, huh? A month?! A WEEK?! Do you have ANY idea what it was like back home?! We thought you were DEAD! Ma cried for weeks! I ended up basically running the workshop on my own! Scapelli threw me down a-" There was another burst of static "-ing drain! I would have died if Bowser hadn't isekai'ed me to the Dark Lands! I trusted you, Mario! I loved you! And you chose that pink-wearing puttana (4) over your own family?!"
"That's not what happened!"
"Save it, Mario. You made your loyalties quite clear when you pushed me off that godforsaken beanstalk. And don't act like you didn't know it was me."
"What?!" Luigi objected. "We didn't! You fell off! It was an accident!"
"Are you out of your mind?!" Toad demanded. The evil, spiky fire-breathing turtle with horns tells you your brothers betrayed and abandoned you, and you BUY IT?! Rule of thumb, kid: you can't trust anything Bowser says! If he and his goons say snow is white, they're lying!"
" They've been nothing but kind and welcoming since I got here, " MP shot back. " And they never hid who they were or what their plans were. From day one, Bowser told me he planned to conquer this world. And you know what? I'm gonna help him. Starting with putting an end to that air-headed DID stereotype you call a princess. "
"Leave Princess Peach out of this!" Froswald objected. "She's done nothing to you!"
" Stai fuori da questa situazione, antipasto incapace di volare! (5)"
"Mips, don't do this!" Luigi pleaded.
" Too late, Lu. You made your bed, now lie in it ."
"You're not in your right mind!" Mario insisted. "Whatever Bowser did to you, we'll fix it!"
" All he did was open my eyes to the truth. Now quit wasting your breath, fratello (6), Your major concern is playing the hero, after all. I'll let you decide which is more important: going to the next kingdom to chase Ludwig out, or dropping everything to stop me from going to Toad Town and bringing your girlfriend to Bowser. Your call. "
And with that, she killed the connection. As they stood in silence, Froswald piped up
"The next kingdom is Tube City, at the dead center of the Pipe Maze. If Prince Ludwig takes it over, there's nowhere in the world the Koopa Troop can't get to."
"But… Mips and… and Peach…" Mario managed.
Luigi looked at the phone, then tightened his grip before shoving it in his pocket.
"Bro, go and stop Ludwig. I'll head for the Mushroom Kingdom. If I hurry, I can get there before MP."
"I can't just…"
Luigi grabbed his arms. "You can, you have to, and you will . Toad, stay with Mario. Help him where you can. Yoshi, you're fast, right?"
Yoshi nodded. "Yep."
"Then you're with me." He hopped on Yoshi's back. "We'll get her back, bro, and we'll fix whatever Bowser did to her. I promise."
As they headed off, Toad placed a hand on Mario's arm.
"The princess can handle herself," he assured. "And she'd want you to focus on the bigger picture."
Mario still looked torn, but took a breath and nodded. "You're right. She would. King Froswald, where's the nearest pipe to Tube City?"
"This way." Froswald motioned for them to follow.
Doom Ship
MP stood on the bow of the Doom Ship, Bowser's personal airship, complete with a figurehead of Bowser on the front. She had her helmet tucked under her arm, looking out over the horizon as a Koopatrol approached her.
"We'll be coming up on Toad Town within the hour," he informed her.
"Perfect," MP nodded. "Ready the soldiers and prepare to launch our offensive on the castle itself."
"Remember: our orders are to capture the princess and bring her back to Lord Bowser alive."
MP smirked. "Exactly how 'alive' are we talking?"
"Just make sure she's still breathing. Other than that, it's up to you."
"Good," MP slid on her helmet, her Blue Hood voice coming out of the speaker. "It's time to show this puttana what happens when you cross me."
Author's Note:
(1): Yes, the "Luigi Death Stare" meme
(2): Author of the Insane is a Sly Cooper fan and any diehard fan knows the Nintendo PlayStation drama.
(3): Another Yoshi sound effect
(4): Whore
(5): Stay out of this, you flightless chicken meal!
(6): Brother
Oh, snap. Shit is getting real. Will Luigi make it to Toad Town in time? Stay tuned.
Please R&R. Until next time!