The Ed in the Dell

After the madness that was Ed and Beep away for days along with Double-D and Eddy getting wasted on hashish-spiked rum, the Edboys have regrouped and listened in on the excellent adventure.

"You two visited Flat's Lagoon?" Shryke asked.

Ed nodded, "Yeah! It was cool!"

"And…had no trouble getting there?"

"There was the massive Gorillo Bandit that we put down." Beep told her.

"Oh, but don't worry, we didn't kill him!" Ed added.

Double-D sighed with relief.

Eddy shrugged, "Huh, so I guess we have a clear path to that Flat Lagoon place. But we still got to deal with those Dust Bandits."

Double-D nodded, "I agree."

"Wait, you do?" Eddy asked.

"Yes. I've come to accept that fighting them is unavoidable. We do still need better gear if we are to defeat them. And possibly more numbers."

"Uh…hmm…well, we do have a lot of money…"

Bard smiled, "Great! Does that mean no more work?"

"Hell no! You ain't stopping until I say so!" Eddy told him.

Rane cleared her throat, "If you're looking to hire new folks, there's two at the bar looking for fresh starts…"

Rane brought Eddy to Molly, the woman Ed met back in Chapter Three. Don't worry if you've forgotten her. Molly was having a drink with a man with a blonde goatee wearing a turban and rags with armored plates on the chest along with short leather pants and sandals. He almost looked like a certain drifter with no name.

"Hey, you two look like you could use some work." Eddy said as he approached.

Molly looked at Eddy and grinned, "Hell yeah! Are you looking for someone who can cook?"

"Uh, well, I do most of the cooking but having another couldn't hurt."

"I also know how to make the most wonderful rum you'll ever drink! And hey, if you don't drink it, you can sell it!"

"I like that!" Eddy then turned to the man with the blonde goatee, "What about you, Blondie? What do you do?"

"It's Logan. Gunner for hire, looking for a new start."

Eddy noticed he didn't have a gun or any weapon for that matter, "Where's your gun?"

Logan sighed, "I had to sell it for food. I can still shoot, crossbows and turrets."

Eddy rubbed his chin, "Well, we'll get you a gun. But for now, you do what I tell ya."

…

Molly and Logan were set to mine copper at a third site while being watched by Kang. Molly had argued she wanted to cook or brew, but at the moment the Edboys were out of cooking ingredients and lacked a distillery. Eddy had gotten Logan a shoddy Ranger-type crossbow and enough crossbow bolts to last for a good while. Double-D went back to compiling the Ed-Cyclopedia, Shryke went back to crafting more armor, and Eddy went back to running around with Ruka, wheeling and dealing with the Trade Ninjas and the Shek of Squin for Cats and supplies.

The Edboys were attacked again by groups of Hungry Bandits but at this point they were little more than chew toys to the more battle-hardened group. Even their newest members were able to take the bandits on, Logan proving to be more than good with a crossbow to wear one down while Molly cut them up with the rusty wakizashi she called a sword. The poor hungry sods were now less a threat to the group and more moving training dummies for combat and first aid.

Molly again approached Eddy and Double-D in the Research and Development building with the idea of building a distillery. Ruka was standing guard next to Eddy.

"I'm telling ya! You'll have more rum than you'd know what to do with! You could even bathe in it if ya wanted to! Or with all the Cats you can make with it!" Molly pestered.

"She makes some great points, Double-D." Eddy added.

Double-D sighed, "Miss Molly, Eddy, I am well aware of the advantages brewing our own alcohol will provide. There's just two problems."

"Yeah? What?" Eddy asked.

"For one, we lack the knowledge on how to build a distillery. Miss Molly, do you happen to know-"

Molly cut him off, "Nah chumbo, I was more in charge of the brewing than the building."

"Right. Second, am I right to assume we will need ingredients to brew our own alcohol?"

Molly nodded, "Aw yeah, it's gonna take a lot of cacti and plenty of water. I can turn all that into rum and then into Cats!"

"Well, there you have it, we don't have access to a large supply of water or cactus plants. We could purchase both of them from nearby vendors, but from previous visits, it is clear there isn't nearly enough for them to gain a steady supply in an efficient time, and it is questionable we would even turn a profit…"

"You know, there's an easy solution to that." Double-D, Eddy, and Molly turned to see Griffin enter the RD building, "You could always start a farm, grow your own cacti and build a well for all the water you'll need."

Double-D rubbed his head, "Well, yes, that would be very ideal, but wouldn't that require us to own some land?"

Griffin rubbed his chin, "If my counting isn't off, we now have thirteen members in our faction. It isn't a whole lot, but it should be enough for us to claim and secure a small bit of land for ourselves."

Eddy rubbed his palms together, "Sweet, free real estate!"

"We ought to claim it as far away from the Holy Nation as possible. We don't want their missionaries or soldiers trying to convert or kill us." Ruka pointed out.

Double-D nodded, "We should also claim it close to a town we could sell our product in…yes, this could work…I'll shift my research to focus on agriculture, so we have a starting point."

Molly cheered, "Woo! I'm gonna be swimming in rum and Cats soon enough!"

…

After researching the entire day, Double-D, Eddy, Ruka, and Griffin traveled to Squin to search for a good spot to start their farm. The Hub was a good spot for their main base of operations, but it was still too close to the border of the Holy Nation to comfortably establish a farm.

While traveling, Double-D started a conversation, "Mr. Griffin, I've been wondering for some time if it was just pure human ignorance and arrogance, but is there a reason why the Holy Nation is well…"

"Extremely racist?" Eddy added.

Double-D groaned, "To put it bluntly."

"No. There isn't." Griffin flatly answered.

Double-D nearly fell over, "Huh?"

"There's a popular children's story in the Holy Nation about a young boy who gets dismembered by a Skeleton. We are taught from childhood to fear anything that doesn't look like us. I have asked the priests why and they admonished me for even asking. For most of my youth I had figured it was out of protecting us from the harm outside influences could have. But soon enough, after I took my steps outside the Holy Land, I realized it was more our leaders controlling the masses."

"So, it's just…control using fear and superstition?" Double-D asked.

"And it worked?" Eddy asked.

Griffin shrugged, "Many of my people prefer the security the Inquisitors and their armies can provide rather than leave the Holy Nation and explore the continent for themselves. Okranites are a superstitious and cowardly lot."

"Does that include you, flatskin?" Ruka asked.

Double-D turned to her, "Miss Ruka…"

"She's right." Griffin admitted, "If I weren't a coward, I would have left the Holy Nation long ago on my own. If the Edwards didn't find me-"

Eddy interrupted, "Hey, let's not dwell on that. Where are we gonna start this farm?"

The group of four approached the gates of Squin, and Double-D took out the map, "We need to start looking for an optimal area with a lot of fertility and groundwater."

"And how do we do that?" Eddy asked.

"It's elementary, Eddy, all we need to do is find vegetation. We find that, we find water and a place to grow our own crops."

"He's right." Griffin added.

Eddy looked around, "Well, there's plenty of weeds and crap growing here."

Double-D looked over at the gate to Squin, the guards were eyeing them suspiciously, "Yes, but I get the idea we shouldn't build on the land the Shek are desperate to defend."

"How about there?" Griffin pointed to a hill to the north; there was what looked like a palm tree with green leaves on it.

Double-D rubbed his chin, "Hmm, let's take a closer look."

The four climbed up the hill using a surprisingly well-made trail upwards, "This trail is from those Hiver traders. It leads right into their lands." Ruka pointed out.

At the top of the hill was not only a handful of palm trees, but a patchy bit of grass. Along with that, there were also several visible iron veins and even a few copper veins.

Double-D quickly took out his notebook and pen, wrote a bit the others couldn't see, and pulled out several instruments from nowhere and went around the area.

"What's he doing?" Griffin asked.

Eddy shrugged, "I dunno, Double-D stuff. Let him cook."

"But he isn't cooking." Ruka pointed out.

Eddy slapped his face with his palm.

Double-D did quite a bit of exaggerated measurements with his outdated scientific instruments such as a slide rule, a sextant (don't laugh), a compass, and a mechanical calculator. Soon enough though, he put them away and smiled at the group, "This area is perfect! Not only for a farm, but we could probably build a good outpost here!" he announced.

"Outpost?" Eddy asked, "What can we do with that?"

"Well, it wouldn't be as protective as The Hub or Squin, but we would have more freedom to build it up to suit our means. We could even create our very own cul-de-sac if we wanted to!"

That idea did intrigue Eddy, but he simply laughed it off, "Heheh, uh, let's just focus on that farm for now, Double-D."

Double-D nodded, "Ah, right, well, right now we are going to need supplies and materials…and everyone here to help build it."

…

Soon, the rest of the Edboys arrived at the farm which Double-D had dubbed "Jim 2 Farm" after his beloved cactus back home. Unfortunately, they didn't have enough cacti to build the cacti farm, but they were able to at least build a well and the shack they would soon build the rum distillery in. Double-D had also gathered enough hemp to start a small hemp farm.

"Whoa Double-D, are we gonna be making our own hashish too?" Shryke asked.

Double-D shook his head, "No, that process appears to be far more complicated than I care to look into at the moment, but from my research, hemp has many other uses rather than creating a Schedule 1 narcotic."

"Shoehorned reference!" Ed called out.

"Stuff it, Ed, start gathering water." Eddy pointed to the well.

"You got it, chief!" Ed cheered as he ran over to the well.

"What about the rest of us?" Crumblejon asked.

"Well…I have some more things for us to build." Double-D took out blueprints for what looked like a couple of massive printers.

"Uh, what happened to focusing on the farm?" Eddy asked.

"We need to wait until we can get more cacti to clone." Double-D explained.

"You're cloning them?"

Double-D cleared his throat, "Basically, using already grown plants, cutting them up, and replanting them."

"...why are you doing that?"

Double-D groaned, "Just…just trust me, this is the best way we can start our farm."

"Alright. So, what are these things for?" Eddy poked at the blueprints.

"These are refineries for iron ore and stones. We can use them to create our own building materials and iron plates. It would definitely save us plenty of money in both the short and long term."

"Attaboy, Double-D!"

"In fact, I've taken the liberty to secure the necessary materials to build the iron ore refinery." Double-D opened up the backpack he had, which was full of iron plates.

"Beep! I got this!" Beep grabbed the bag and started preparing the materials where Double-D had planned to build the refinery. He started to construct it, joined by everyone else who wasn't busy and in seconds the refinery was complete.

"Whoa! That thing is bigger than the shack!" Eddy yelled.

Double-D quickly measured it with his eyes, "Yes, indeed it is."

"How much electricity do these things take?" Eddy asked.

"Oh, no need to worry about that. These refineries are special and don't require power to use."

It sounded too good to be true for Eddy, "What's the catch?"

"Well, they aren't as efficient as they could be, and they need several people to operate. Fortunately, we have enough people to run them well enough."

Eddy shrugged, "Eh, sounds good enough for us."

…

After the Edboys built the iron refinery, they started mining iron and using the refinery to turn the iron ore into iron plates which were used to build a stone refinery and a water tank to store all the groundwater Ed was gathering from the well. The group was attacked by a few wolves from a wolf den nearby, but thirteen against two wolves made quick work of them. And suddenly meat was back on the menu.

There was also an attack from the Hungry Bandits, but you can figure out how that went. They were less of a problem than the wolves.

The sun rose on day thirty, marking about a month since the Eds had inexplicably appeared in this dangerous world.

Eddy and Ruka traveled to Admag to find more materials to build up the farm while Double-D stayed behind as the de facto foreman. Around midday, a caravan of Hivers approached the farm.

"Greetings no-hive! We can give you a good price!" the caravan leader announced.

Double-D looked over their wares, and surprisingly they had exactly what the farm needed, mainly cacti and building materials. They even had wheatstraw which Double-D purchased, having a variety of crops would be good for the group, even if they mainly focus on cacti. Finally, Double-D purchased what food they had to offer, not that they needed it, but having more food than they needed was always a good thing.

As the Hiver Caravan headed back north into Vain, the leader called back, "If you need more, you no-hives are welcome to visit our village and give- er, spend your Cats!"

"We'll keep that in mind!" Double-D called back.

A little bit after that, the Edboys were attacked by a group of Dust Bandits who were only slightly more troublesome than the Hungry Bandits. Beep was the only one who got knocked unconscious, but then again, he kept leaving himself wide open to attacks as he swung his nodachi wildly on the battlefield. Thankfully, Beep recovered quickly, and everyone got back to work. Eddy and Ruka had returned then, with not a lot of supplies from Admag.

Eddy shrugged, "It's like they barely had anything to sell!"

"To be fair, quite a lot of what the Shek make goes into their military." Ruka pointed out.

"Perhaps next time we try the Hiver Villages? They seemed to have more than enough as they traveled to sell to us." Double-D suggested.

"Just be careful not to get ripped off by them." Shryke warned.

Meanwhile, Bard, Molly, and Logan were charged with patching up the bandits after the battle, as the three of them needed the medical training the most. Bard had a bit of a smile, "No offense, but it feels good not being the bottom rung anymore." he told the other two.

Logan didn't bother looking up.

"Whatcha mean by that, boy?" Molly asked him.

"Boy? I'm a man!" Bard told them.

"You don't look a day over eighteen." Logan remarked.

"Er, well, I'm close enough to one!" Bard backpedaled.

Molly laughed, "Aw, we were just messin' with ya, Bard! We didn't mean to get ya all riled up. Right, Logan?"

Logan shrugged, "Hmph."

Bard blinked a few times, "Uh…well, I guess I can let this one slide…"

"But really, what's so wrong about being so far down like us?" Molly asked.

Bard shrugged, "I deserve to be more important, I was born into nobility!"

"Sure, you were." Logan scoffed.

Molly shrugged, "Being important gets a bounty on your head. Hell, the only reason Logan and I managed to slip away when our gang fell apart was because we were so unimportant that the U.C. samurai police and headhunters didn't bother chasing after us!"

Bard brooded a bit, "Right…well, I rather not just be some nobody in someone else's story."

Don't tell him, he might crack.

…

The cacti, hemp, and wheatstraw still took time to grow, but near the end of the thirtieth day, the hemp was ready to harvest. Ed, Double-D, Beep, and Griffin got to harvesting the crops. Double-D was knowledgeable in horticulture and Ed had helped Rolf out more than enough times to pull out crops, but Beep and Griffin had a bit of difficulty.

"Didn't you say you were raised on a farm?" Double-D asked Griffin.

Griffin shrugged, "I did. I didn't say I worked on it. My folks told me my hands were more meant for a sword than a hoe."

"Hehe, Griffin said a bad word." Ed giggled.

Beep giggled along with him without knowing why.

Double-D rolled his eyes, "Small things amuse small minds, I suppose…"

Eddy then approached with Molly in tow, "Double-D, we got another problem!" he told him.

"Is it more bandits?"

"Nah, the machine won't work!" Eddy told him.

"It needs power to work." Molly added.

Double-D slapped his head, "Of course, I forgot something!"

"So, are you gonna fix this?" Eddy asked.

Double-D pulled out his notepad, flipped a few pages, and shoved it into Eddy's hands, "Here, a diagram for a generator. The best I can come up with right now."

Eddy looked at the diagram and noticed a key issue, "Doesn't this need fuel?"

"Yes, yes it does."

"Do we have any?"

Double-D shook his head, "Not with us right now. There might be some back at The Hub or you can try looking around the Hiver Village or in Squin."

Eddy groaned, "Right, make me do everything. C'mon Ruka."

With that, Eddy and Ruka left. Double-D took a deep breath. He knew Eddy was putting on a show, he almost always was. Double-D had known Eddy for most of their lives, and for most of it, Eddy was rarely honest.

Double-D had started to accept that returning home might be impossible, but Eddy still seemed to hold onto the idea that all they needed to do was get stronger as a unit, and eventually they would find a way home. Eddy was either believing this out of denial of the facts or out of his admittedly unshakable resolve. "I could use either of those." Double-D mumbled.

"Huh?" Ed asked.

"Nothing, Ed!" Double-D told him. Ed was of the opposite mind. He had not only seemed to accept this new world but embraced it with open arms. If only because Ed felt he had nothing back home to return to, THAT was a massive issue Double-D wasn't prepared to unpack. Not right now at least.

Double-D's mind wandered as he did the admittedly simple yet delicate task of harvesting. What did he have back home to return to? An empty house filled with sticky notes from his parents who were hardly ever home? Double-D couldn't recall the last time he had spoken to them over the phone let alone in person. The only thing he really had was his education, and he was spending most of his summer preparing for dual-enrollment and AP classes for senior year of high school. It would have probably been the last summer he could spend with the only people that really mattered to him in his life before he'd leave for university and after that, maybe life as an academic? They probably would be too busy to see each other again after that.

It could be for that reason Double-D was oddly content. Almost relieved. Sure, trying to survive in this hostile world was extremely stressful at the start, but now they were building an actual settlement. They had not only survived, but they've started to thrive together.

Double-D looked over the farm he'd built, the machines he designed further up the hill, he could see houses appearing, maybe without green lawns but with fences, with beds, with a nice hot shower to start the day and a study to get his Rest and Research on.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.