The skies above the Circle Tower were a dull grey. A promise of rain to come. Linn checked to make sure that she was alone by the pier before she took a seat on the edge. Her faithful mabari Rabbit sat behind her as though guarding her back. With a small smile, she relaxed and closed her eyes. Irving had offered to let them stay for the night with the storm on the way, and not wanting to spend the night shivering in the mud, their group had accepted the offer. Even Morrigan had seemed grateful as she had left with Leliana and Wynne to their room.
A gust of wind blew Linn's hair into her face, and she fumbled with her hair for a moment before she felt it gently pulled back. Linn flinched away before seeing Leliana's look of hurt.
Rabbit let out a worried whine, and Linn awkwardly tried to find a way to explain her actions without revealing too much.
"Oh… sorry about that. Just… bad memories…"
Leliana gave her a nod of understanding before taking a seat beside Linn. They stared at the water in silence as the sun faded behind the grey clouds.
"So, uh… How… How are you feeling?" Linn asked awkwardly as she fought the wind to tie her hair back.
Leliana remained quiet, and Linn watched as Leliana's hand clenched around Marjolaine's bow.
"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Linn quickly assured her. "I just… Just know that I'm here if and when you want to talk."
Leliana stared at the lake for a few moments more before she closed her eyes tightly and replied in a small, unsteady voice, "I can't get what happened out of my head. I'd been in Lothering for years and she still thought I was plotting against her. She didn't trust me. Maybe she never did. She loved me when she could use me and control me, and when she couldn't, she wanted me dead. It… it hurts to realize that I never really knew her."
Linn gently laid her hand on Leliana's, and Leliana gripped Linn's hand in return. The only sound around them was the wind over the waves.
Linn broke the silence to ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Leliana gave her a small, sad smile and replied, "You are already helping so much by listening to me." Leliana paused and looked back out to the water. "I knew she was ruthless, but I didn't know how far she could go. She is self-serving, cruel… she uses people, then discards them, but that's how she survives in the life she leads. W-what if she's right. What if we're the same? I… I should have just stayed in the Chantry."
"That's not true," Linn replied gently but firmly. "Look how many people we've helped… And I saw how happy you were to help them. Marjolaine didn't seem like the kind of person to care so much for other people. You are not the same, and you are not alone."
Leliana let go of Linn's hand and held her hands close to her chest as she argued, "But I was… I was alone and desperate when I fled to Ferelden. I went to the only place I knew would take me. I forgot my life as a bard while I was in the cloister. I felt safe. I didn't have to watch my back all the time. That's what made Marjolaine the person she is, don't you see? It ruined her; it will ruin me too. It's already happened. When we killed her, I… I enjoyed it. Seeing her dead gave me satisfaction."
"She would have killed all of us."
"But that is no reason to rejoice over her death," Leliana retorted, but she seemed more angry at herself than anyone else. "That is what she would do. I don't want that. What we're doing… what we've done– hunted men down, killed them– part of me loves it. It invigorates me and this scares me. I… I feel myself slipping."
The silence hung between them. The only sound was the wind as they separately wrestled with their own feelings of shame. Linn had always blamed the mark for the satisfaction of killing, but… Perhaps it was simply a part of her that she hadn't known existed.
"There's a story from my world," Linn started, and Leliana eyed her with curiosity. "In it, there's an old, wise dragon that lives on a giant mountain at the 'Throat of the World'. The heroine has slain many dragons by the time she meets this particular dragon, and although the dragon teaches her the dragon's magic, she asks the dragon why she should allow him to live. This dragon had committed great atrocities over his many years. It is in a dragon's nature to conquer, to destroy. People have said that the dragon needs to die for their protection, but she wants to give him the chance to defend himself as the dragon has also protected their world."
"And… what does the dragon say?"
"The dragon tells the heroine that the people's distrust of him is justified. That conquest is in his very nature, but it is his actions that make him who he is. 'What is better- to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?'" Linn quoted dramatically with a smile at Leliana before she continued in a more subdued tone, "We are who we choose to be, Leliana, and you are certainly not evil. Marjolaine chose who she became. So can you."
Leliana placed her hand on Linn's and asked in a small hesitant tone, "How can you be so sure?"
"You want to be good, and that's what's important. Do you think an evil person cares how much they could hurt people? I can tell you for certain that they don't."
Leliana gave Linn's hand a small squeeze before she let go, "Hearing you say that gives me comfort. I would like to be alone, for now. I have many things to consider. Thank you… for listening to me."
Leliana got up and walked to the tower's main doors, but Linn wasn't quite ready to venture inside just yet. Stroking Rabbit's ears, she thought out the next steps. Saving the Arl was her top priority. However, she couldn't help but feel an odd sense of dread when she thought about the town of Haven. After they'd found the real Weylon's body in Denerim, she'd also found a book on dragon cults. Not a particularly promising sign.
"What a bother," Linn sighed into the wind.
The smell of rain now permeated the air, and Linn got up to head inside the tower when she heard the doors open. Her body froze when she recognized the templar. Cullen stood nervously fidgeting with his hands as the door closed behind him. She couldn't help but feel a sharp pain in her heart as she put her guard up.
"It's good to see you. I'll be heading in now–" Linn said as she started to walk past him.
"Please! Wait!" Cullen pleaded, and Linn stopped just in front of the door. "They… The Knight Commander is going to send me to Kirkwall… for my 'recovery'." Cullen's voice sounded both somber and bitter at the choice that was being made for him.
"That may be for the best," Linn advised him in a gentle tone, but Cullen looked at her with shock as though she had slapped him. "What you went through… You need time to–"
"There won't be time for anything if the Blight consumes Ferelden!" Cullen argued, and Rabbit placed himself in between the two of them with a soft growl. "Please, you have to tell the Commander that we need every available man if we are to win!"
Linn bit her lip in frustration as she tried to find a gentle way to convince him.
"Or do you also think that I am too weak to fight?" Cullen asked with frustration.
"You're not weak, Cullen," Linn replied, and Cullen's eyes lit up with hope for a brief moment. "But what happened to you in that tower… You need to take it easy for a while."
"How am I supposed to 'take it easy' when there's a Blight ravaging my home?!" Cullen argued. "I need to fight! You can convince the Knight Commander. Please… You don't know what it's like. To watch your comrades die one by one… knowing you'll be next…"
Linn closed her eyes tightly as her own memories started to bubble up. With a deep breath, she calmed herself enough to say, "That's exactly why you need to rest. Not many people could make it for as long as you did–"
"Then why won't you help me?!"
"Because I know more than you think!" Linn snapped as her hand tightened around her shoulder, and Cullen looked at her with disbelief. "I… It wasn't a few weeks for me, Cullen. It was six years. Six years of a monster getting into my head… Making me question what was real… Hearing the screams…"
Linn's voice broke as she took a step back from Cullen. She tried to blink away the tears, but it only made them fall faster.
"I shouldn't be here. I should never have entered that tower. I should be at home with Winona and Andy, drinking warm tea and preparing for babies on the way. Instead I came here to learn, and what did I learn: damn near nothing," Linn lashed out angrily as Cullen's eyes widened.
Thunder echoed in the distance as tiny droplets dropped from the sky. Cullen seemed to have no response to her rage. His own fist was tightly clenched, but he seemed to be having difficulty finding the words. Linn took a deep breath into the rain. The cool water clearing her mind enough for her to regain control.
"Don't… Don't be like me, Cullen," Linn said much more gently. "Do better for yourself. It's not because they think you're too weak. They're sending you away so you don't break from the pressure. Because I've seen people break… Just take care of yourself."
Cullen still seemed to be at a loss for words as Linn brushed past him and into the tower. Her feet took control through the tower, and when her head cleared, she found herself at the top of the tower where she had fought Uldred. A nudge on the back of her leg made her stop walking to pet Rabbit. She needed to calm herself. After sitting with her back against the wall, she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Rabbit laid his head in her lap and almost seemed to be trying to match her breathing. Linn couldn't help but smile at the dog.
"You're too silly," she mumbled as she pet him, unsure if she was trying to reassure him or herself.
The sound of a door closing made the mabari lift his head. Linn looked to the stairwell to see Senior Enchanter Irving slowly making his way up the stairs. He almost jumped as he saw her in the dark. Linn moved to stand when Irving gestured for her to stay.
"There was something I wished to discuss, but if I should need to come back…" Irving said gently.
"Might as well get it over with now," Linn said as she wiped her face. "What do you need?"
"It is not a need," Irving admitted as he looked around the room. "More of a curiosity… I heard part of what you said to Cullen, my apologies for eavesdropping."
Irving looked at Linn apologetically as he slowly approached, but Linn waved off his concern. The enchanter took a seat beside her with a weary sigh before he continued, "Truthfully, I noticed that your magic was different the moment you came to the tower. For the mages that I have met, our power comes from our gift to manipulate the Veil, but yours… it also seems to come from within."
Linn looked at him nervously, but the old mage just gave her a gentle smile.
"I have not told anyone nor will I. A gift like that… it would make many uncomfortable," Irving admitted. "And the world often looks unfavorably on what causes it discomfort."
"Thank you," Linn replied as she felt herself relax slightly.
Irving took a breath as he continued, "What happened in this room… and what you did for that young boy…" Irving paused for a moment. His eyes were closed tight as though trying to block out the memories. With a tired finality, he continued, "There certainly is a darkness in the power you wield."
Linn stiffened as she looked at the cold floor, but Irving continued, "But it is not an evil power. Or at least you have not used it for such."
Her body once again relaxed, but she continued to stare at the floor in silence, not trusting herself to give unnecessary information.
"It was brave of you to save the mages. Foolhardy as well," Irving admitted with a smile. "It would have been more simple to kill all of the mages, but you held your ground. You chose kindness in a time of hardship, and that carries an incredible amount of weight… I believe that it is not the power we wield that shapes us but how we use that power. And I… I used mine unfairly, and I am sorry."
Linn stared at Irving in confusion, but he simply looked around the room with pain shining through his old, tired eyes.
"I was so focused on finding the blood mages that I didn't think to find the cause. Uldred created this rift under my very nose, and I allowed him to do so… I was so focused on the injustice of the Chantry that I allowed him to gain power… to corrupt the very mages that I was trying to protect."
Irving closed his eyes. The silence of the room felt louder than a battlefield as Linn struggled to gather her thoughts.
"If Jowan came back… would he be able to take the Harrowing?" Linn asked in a small voice.
"No," Irving answered with pain in his tone. "Before using blood magic and poisoning the Arl… perhaps. But now the nobility will want to make an example of him. He will be executed when the arl awakens."
Linn gripped her arm as silence once again filled the room. Suddenly, Irving's eyes went wide as he stared at Linn. She could almost see the hope shining in him.
"Grey Wardens often use the Right of Conscription to fill their ranks," Irving explained. "By that right, they can conscript anyone from a king to a criminal. It is unfortunate that Duncan perished in Ostagar. Otherwise, he may have informed you more on matters of the Grey Wardens… There may still be clues in Ostagar should there be someone brave, or perhaps foolhardy, enough to search for it."
Indecision warred with guilt as Linn mulled over the enchanter's words. Irving gave her one last smile before he struggled to pull himself up from the stone floor. Linn quickly jumped up and helped him to his feet. Irving thanked her with a tired and somber smile before he made his way toward the staircase.
"First Enchanter," Linn called out, and the mage turned to her with curiosity. "I believe in second chances… The tower is still standing, and it's not too late to try something new."
Irving's face relaxed into a thankful smile as he replied, "Thank you, child. And I believe in you as well… Grey Warden."
Irving turned his attention back to the stairs as he made his way down, and Linn sat back down. As Rabbit pressed his face into his shoulder, Linn gave him a pat on the head, and the silence around them felt just a little bit lighter.