Chapter Twenty-Nine
Someone was gently shaking my shoulder, and I blinked my eyes open. At first, I didn't realize where I was, but then all the memories came back, and I shot up. The friendly looking nurse from earlier was standing beside me and smiling down at me.
"Would you like to have a coffee?", she asked, and I blinked the sleep away.
I looked at Ranger and I thought he had slightly more color in his cheeks than earlier. His eyes were still closed, his breathing steady.
"How is he?", I asked the nurse anxiously, grabbing his hand again.
"He is stable, his vitals looking good. If it stays that way a couple of more hours, we can transfer him out of the ICU to the normal ward," she said reassuringly. "The doctor will be in shortly for a check-up, which is why I woke you up. Do you want a coffee?"
"A coffee would be lovely," I said. "Thank you very much."
She smiled and waved at me, before she left the room with a promise that she will be back with some coffee. I checked the time and realized that I had slept for almost five hours. The nurse had probably been in the room a couple of times to check on Ranger while I had been sleeping. I must have been really tired. Normally, I was a light sleeper. The nurse came back with a to-go cup of coffee and handed it to me when a doctor entered the room. It wasn't the doctor that had performed the surgery, but a much younger one. He warily looked at me, not being entirely happy that I had cuffed myself to a patient's bed, but he tried to ignore me. He checked Ranger's medical charts and nodded approvingly. He confirmed the nurse's assessment that Ranger was stable and could be transferred in a couple of hours.
"But why isn't he awake?", I asked.
"The injury was life-threatening. It takes time to recover. Rest is crucial," he said pointedly. "But there is nothing that speaks against him waking up and to fully recover."
I nodded. I hoped Ranger woke up rather sooner than later. After the doctor and nurse had left the room, I got out my phone and called Tank. I relayed the news to him, and Tank assured me to stay positive. Ranger was strong and would wake up soon.
I spent the next few hours staring at Ranger, silently begging him to wake up. I alternately stroked his hand or cheek, trying to remember how he usually felt: warm and soft. I had removed the handcuffs since it didn't look like they would be removing me. Every now and then a nurse entered the room to check on Ranger. It wasn't the nice, young nurse that had brought me coffee. The new nurse looked to be in her forties and displayed a permanent surly expression. She mostly ignored me, not giving me an update on Ranger's health. I didn't know if she was upset about my presence or if it was just her nature. Working as an ICU nurse probably took its toll over time, seeing a lot of awful things working here.
I suddenly thought of Ranger's parents and felt guilty for not having remembered them sooner. They should be informed about his condition, but I didn't have their number. I hoped that either the hospital had found out how to contact them, or for Tank to have reached out to them. They should be with their son, too.
Miraculously, the hours ticked by, and when the doctor who had performed the surgery entered the room, he was pleased with Ranger's condition and announced that he could be transferred to the normal ward.
"All we can do now is to wait for him to wake up," the doctor told me. "Talk to him. It might help the process."
He smiled encouragingly at me and left the room. Soon after, two nurses came in and prepared Ranger for the transfer. I stepped to the wall of the room to make some space for them, and when they rolled his bed out of the room, I followed quickly. We took the elevator up to the seventh floor, and I had to fight off a smile. It automatically reminded me of our home on the seventh floor of the Rangeman building. Home. I hoped that I could bring Ranger there soon. He belonged there. He didn't belong in a hospital bed, unresponsive. He was the busy, workaholic CEO of Rangeman. This was where he belonged.
The new room was a spacious private room. Either Ranger had good insurance, or Tank had arranged for it. There was a rather big bed waiting for him, a TV was mounted to the opposite wall and two comfortable looking armchairs with a couch table stood underneath it. We passed the adjoining bathroom, when we entered the room, and I suddenly remembered my own human needs. I really had to use a bathroom, and my stomach was rumbling loudly. Now that Ranger seemed to be on the right path of recovery, although still in a coma, my body seemed to come out of its shut-down mode and had some demands.
A third nurse came into the room, and together they hauled Ranger from the small ICU bed onto the bigger bed. They fluffed up the cushions in his back, checked the transfusion tubes and connected him to the new heart monitor. The oxygen tube had been removed. Apparently, they didn't deem it necessary anymore.
"There is a cafeteria on the ground floor, or some snack machines down the hall, if you are hungry," one of the nurses informed me, before leaving the room.
Before I left the room to take care of my needs, I went over to Ranger, taking his hand and assuring him that I was still here. I placed a soft kiss on his lips, and I thought they felt a bit warmer than a few hours ago. This made me feel hopeful, and I promised him to be back very soon. I first went into the bathroom and felt much better when I was finished. I quickly poked my head around the corner to make sure Ranger was still there and breathing, before I quietly left the room. I didn't feel like leaving Ranger alone for too long, and I certainly didn't feel like being surrounded by dozens of strangers, which is why I preferred to get some snacks from the machine. I could see it at the end of the hallway and almost ran over. I fed the machine a few dollars and received a ham and cheese sandwich, a small bag of chips and a soda. I could always come back for more. I ripped open the sandwich and by the time I was back in Ranger's room, I had almost finished it. I also wolfed down the chips while standing next to the bed and washed it down with the soda. Before cautiously climbing into the bed next to Ranger, I disposed the empty packagings in the bin next to one of the armchairs.
I made sure not to touch Ranger's torso and not to apply any pressure on it. Instead, I snuggled up to his arm, holding it close and stroking his biceps while holding his hand.
"I'm here Ranger," I said softly. "Please wake up and be fine."
I stretched my head and kissed his stubbly cheek, before nuzzling my face into his arm. My eyelids suddenly felt heavy again and I closed my eyes, only wanting to rest a little, but I must have fallen asleep again.
I woke up when I heard the door being closed and blinked the sleep away. When my vision came into focus, I looked into the worried brown eyes of Ranger's mother at the foot of the bed. Slightly embarrassed being caught by his mother lying in bed next to him, I tried to sit up without touching Ranger too much. But his mother shook her head, motioning me to stay, patting my foot. Behind Anna, his father came into view. He was holding a file and studied it intently. It was probably Ranger's medical chart.
"Hi," I said tentatively, and the tips of Anna's lips curved upwards, but the smile didn't reach her sad eyes. His father looked up from the chart, only noticing me now and nodding his head as a greeting, before resuming to read.
"The surgery went well. The projectile was fully removed. If the bullet hadn't got stuck, he would probably have been dead before arriving at the hospital. He was very lucky. He should fully recover. He only has to wake up," his father said with a detached doctor voice, as if he wasn't talking about his own son.
He was obvious of the tears pooling in his wife's eyes, and only when a sob escaped my mouth, did he look up again.
"I'm so sorry," I cried. "It's my fault. The bullet should have hit me, not him."
I was crying uncontrollably, feeling guilty that they had to worry about their son in such a way. Anna stepped around the bed to my side and put her hand on my cheek.
"No, it's not your fault," she said, tears streaming down her own cheeks now. "Tank informed us about what had happened. It's the fault of this awful man that Carlos had worked with when he was in the army. None of this is your fault."
"But I was the target. If he hadn't stepped in between, he would be fine now," I said desperately.
"He would be far from fine, if that bullet had killed you," his mother said softly. "I saw it in his eyes. You're his whole world. He loves you so much. If you had died because of his own past, he would never have been the same man again. He would be broken and dead, too."
Her words only made me cry harder and she wrapped her arms around me consolingly. Now, I felt bad because his mother had to console me instead of focusing on her own worry and hurt about her son's condition. I tried to take some deep breaths to calm down, and his mother stroked my unruly hair out of my face, much like Ranger often did. This memory only triggered some more tears, but I was adamant to stop crying in front of his parents.
His father was obviously feeling uneasy with all the emotions being displayed and cleared his throat.
"The prognosis is looking good. He should fully recover," he tried to assure both Anna and me.
"But he's not waking up," I said, still battling to get my emotions under control.
"He will. You have to stay positive. It takes some time. His body had decided to shut down to save energy. It was a life-threatening situation after all. But the danger is removed, his body taken care of. It takes some time for the lungs and heart to fully heal, but as long as he doesn't get an infection, he will be fine. He will wake up, when he is ready. It might help to hear familiar voices, being talked to and the likes. But there is nothing we can do to speed up the process."
"Would you like to have a moment with him alone?", I asked uncertainly, trying to get up again. But Anna pushed me back down.
"No, what he needs now is you," she said insistently. "Stay with my son, and make sure he finds his way back."
I nodded, even though I didn't feel confident to know how to do this. We stayed silent for a few minutes, only listening to the steady beeping of the heart monitor and watching Ranger. Eventually, Anna asked me to keep them informed and we exchanged phone numbers. She kissed Ranger's forehead motherly and repeated the same gesture with me, before stepping back.
"Take good care of our son," she said in a low voice, and I promised her that I would.
After his parents had left, I cried some more. I had to let it all out, or else it would always simmer beneath the surface, and break out at the most inconvenient time. Ranger's hospital gown was soaked in tears, but I felt better when the sniveling finally stopped.
"I'm sorry, Ranger," I whispered. "I had to get it out of my system. I know you don't like tears. I will try to be on my best behavior now."
Once I started talking to him, it seemed that I couldn't stop anymore.
"You could help preventing me from crying if you woke up, you know. I need you. You're the voice of reason. Without you, I will end up in plenty of trouble because no one is holding me back and forces me to think before I act. And there would be no one who could save me at the last minute. Only you can do this. I don't know how you do it. Someday, you have to tell me how you do it. And you have never told me how you broke into my old apartment despite the security chain and locks. You can't leave me before you have told me how you did it. We haven't had enough time together anyway, so I don't allow you to leave me. You have to find your way back to me and wake up. There's so much we haven't done yet. We need to apprehend the FTA in Costa Rica. We desperately need another holiday in Hawaii. We have to find a position for me within Rangeman. I thought that Rangeman could expand its services, and we could offer private investigation. I think I would like that. I like to track people and things down, but I can do without getting food thrown at me, and getting shot at when trying to apprehend someone.
And then there is the big M-word thing. I know I told you I wanted to wait and that I expected a proper proposal once we were ready. But I don't need a grand proposal. I don't need you to kneel down in front of me with a dozen roses in an expensive restaurant, or on a rooftop with a view of the Manhattan skyline, or on a white beach with Loki jumping in between. I need none of this. All I need is you. If you wake up, I will marry you right here in this hospital bed. But if you insist on a big fairytale wedding with me in a white, puffy princess dress with all our families and friends, and the most hideous bridesmaids' dresses imaginable, I will comply, too. If you want to have a proper first dance at the wedding or if you want to dance salsa, I will take some dance lessons. I would do anything that makes you happy, if only you woke up," I begged, pressing a firm kiss on his lips.
"We can also marry in Las Vegas like you originally proposed, or we can get married in the hotel in Hawaii. I don't care. I don't even care anymore to marry at all, as long as we will spend the rest of our lives together. I want to see you grow old. I'm curious if you will ever develop a beer belly, or if you will have a toned stomach until the day you pass away of old age. I want to raise Loki together with you, because we both know that he will get hopelessly spoilt without your firm guidance and training. I don't know if I ever want children of my own, but I know for sure that I would love them to bits if they had your soft brown eyes with golden sparkles, your determination and your sense of justice.
There's a whole life waiting for us to spent together. All you have to do is wake up. Please. I love you so, so much, Carlos," I whispered into his ear, praying that he would hear me.
But Ranger remained quiet.
I felt silly for having expected him to magically wake up after my speech. But I had been hopeful, nonetheless. I firmly pressed my face against his biceps, trying to stop the tears from spilling out of my eyes again. I tightened my grip on his hand and accidentally punctured the skin on his lower arm with my nails, because I was pressing my fingers onto his skin so strongly. I relaxed my grip and whispered an apology, gently stroking over the skin I had harmed. I was drawing lazy circles on his arm, soothing myself with the action, knowing that Ranger wouldn't feel it.
I resumed telling Ranger about all the things we hadn't done yet together. It was ordinary things. Things I thought we would probably never do, even when Ranger woke up and we resumed living our life together. Like ice skating, decorating a Christmas tree, going on a ferris wheel or holding a dinner party with friends. There were also more extraordinary things on the list that I knew for sure we were never going to do. Like hiking to Machu Picchu, scuba diving at the Great Barrier reef, taking a road trip through europe or walking on the Great Wall of China.
From time to time a nurse would come in to check on Ranger. Each time I stopped talking, but as soon as I heard the door fall shut, I resumed where I had been interrupted. As I grew more tired again, my thoughts and dreams became more visionary and took a dirty turn. While my eyes closed slowly, I whispered the lewder things we hadn't done yet together. Like sex on the cargo space of his pick-up truck under a sky full of stars or a quickie in his shooting range.
I was drifting off to sleep when I felt some pressure on my hand.
"Ranger," I murmured sleepily, and there was definitely a squeeze of my hand.
I tore open my eyes and shot up, looking at him.
"Ranger?"
Nothing happened, but I was sure that I had felt the squeeze of my hand and that it hadn't been a trick of my mind. It couldn't have been.
"Carlos?", I asked, bending over his face, gently brushing my lips over his.
And there it was. Another squeeze of my hand. I gently squeezed back and the corner of his right eye twitched.
"I'm here," I said softly, stroking over his cheek. "Everything is fine. You can wake up. I'm right here."
I pressed a kiss to his cheek, but he didn't move yet again.
What should I do? Should I call a nurse? Maybe he simply needed some more time. He was definitely slowly waking up.
"It's okay," I said. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere, Carlito."
I didn't know why abuela's pet name for him popped into my mind, but I didn't have a pet name for him of my own. I only called him Ranger, and recently occasionally Carlos. Neither was a pet name, and I felt like the situation had required one.
I saw Ranger's lip part, before I heard the sound.
"Babe," he said hoarsely, obviously having difficulties speaking. "I warned you to forget that name."
His voice was barely audible, much less so after I sobbed in relief about hearing his raspy voice.
"Ranger, thank God," I exclaimed, throwing myself on his chest without thinking, but immediately shooting up again after hearing his wheezing. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! Are you okay? How are you? I'm so glad you woke up. I love you. I love you so, so much and I thought I had lost you."
Ranger freed his arm I had still been holding onto and wrapped it around me, even though he was groaning in pain. He pressed me to his side, entangling his hand in my hair like he always did, and hushed me quietly.
"I'm okay," he said still huskily. "And what's more important, you seem to be fine, too."
"I'm not fine. Do I look like I'm fine? I'm a mess. I thought you were going to die," I sobbed.
"But I'm not," he said reassuringly, kissing the top of my head.
I looked up at him and I couldn't believe that he was smiling down at me.
There were dark circles under his eyes, and under the shadows of his growing beard he still looked pale, but his eyes were sparkling.
"How can you be smiling? You must be in pain. I should probably call for a nurse or a doctor," I said, trying to sit up, but Ranger was holding me firmly by his side. He might look weaker than usual, but there was still some strength in him.
"You. You are adorable, and you are alive, and I love you so much," he said still smiling. "Don't call the nurse yet. Please. Just stay right here with me. I promise I'm fine."
I studied him for a few seconds and nodded. How could I deny him anything? I was too relieved and happy that he regained consciousness and was even smiling down at me. I stretched my neck and reached out with my hand to cup his cheek. When our lips met, they finally felt warm and soft again, even though they were dried out. He was probably thirsty, too. But he had asked me to stay, so I didn't get up to get him any water. We were lost in each other's eyes when a nurse entered the room for the periodical check-up.
"You woke up," she said surprised, freezing in the middle of the room, when she realized Ranger was conscious. Reluctantly, we let go of each other and Ranger nodded. I clumsily got off the bed to make some room for the nurse to check Ranger through. I retrieved a bottle of water from the side table and gave it to him silently.
The nurse asked if Ranger was in pain and if he required some drugs, but he declined. I rolled my eyes at him, which earned me a smirk, and the nurse retreated, informing us she will send in a doctor to check up on him.
When the doctors and nurses had finally left the room, being satisfied with Ranger's health, Ranger pulled me back onto the bed to his side. He wrapped his arms around me, pressing me to his chest. I wasn't sure if Ranger was simply ignoring the pain, or if he actually didn't feel it. I was sure he must have some pain. I had injuries on my back only a few days ago, and it had hurt like hell when I had woken up. But Ranger acted like he didn't have a care in this world, and held me close, nuzzling his face into my hair and kissing the top of my head every now and then. Even though Ranger acted like he wasn't in any pain, I was cautious and had draped my arm across his stomach, stroking his hips, instead of letting my hand rest on his chest like I usually would.
"I think we are ready for that holiday you proposed," Ranger said quietly after some time, and I couldn't help the laugh bubbling up inside of me.
I put my head back and looked up at him to see if he was serious. He was smiling down at me, and I couldn't decide if he was or not.
"You want to go on holiday? Who will take care of Rangeman?", I asked incredulously.
"We both deserve a break from almost getting killed, don't you think? Tank can handle the business for a week or two."
"I just want to spend some time with you. I don't care if that's in Trenton, Costa Rica, Hawaii or on the moon," I said, pecking his cheek.
"I don't care either," he whispered, locking his lips with mine.
With every kiss exchanged, his lips felt more like Ranger again. Soft and sweet and full of promises. I was glad that they washed away the memory of the cold, unresponsive lips I had kissed a couple of hours ago. I never wanted to have to kiss him like that again.
"But wherever we spend the holiday, we have to make sure to rent a pick-up truck," he murmured just above my lips, and I could feel him smile.
I reconnected our lips, not understanding what Ranger was talking about, but not caring much about it anyway. It was more important to keep kissing him than to wonder why he would need a pick-up truck on holiday. Ranger could have anything he wanted.
"Now, about that wedding you mentioned," he said, when he broke the kiss once again. "As much as I would love to see you in a puffy white dress and to dance with you again, if you can organize a priest, I will marry you right here in this bed."
Oh, boy.
My whole body stiffened when I realized that Ranger had heard everything I had said. About the things we haven't done yet together. About marrying him. I also faintly remembered what I had proposed we do with his pick-up truck.
Ranger studied me. He had felt me stiffen in his arms and his eyes became guarded.
"Are you having second thoughts, now that I'm awake?", he asked.
The way his expression became blank, his worry was obvious to me.
"No," I said quickly and firmly. "I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you want that, too."
I held my breath, and Ranger's eyes became soft and looked liquid like honey, while the sweetest smile spread across his face.
"Always," he said, cupping my face and kissing me.