Authors note: Thank you guys for being so patient with me. I'm working hard to get back to daily (or relatively daily) posting - send me your best wishes and positive energy please, haha! I'm filling in some gaps that the anime provided here. It was made clear in YashaHime that personal objects retain memory (something I touched on briefly in Chapter 53 - Essence, with Toga and Sesshomaru). This is the promised extension of that discussion, dealing with the history and memories between Toga and Izayoi, which Toga is attempting to use to help Sesshomaru deal with his own emotion and future. Enjoy!
Chapter 104 - Izayoi
There was a long moment of silence before Toga turned to face his adult son.
"After I met Izayoi, everything changed in my life." Toga sighed, and closed his eyes. "Inkimi was an arranged partner — I'm sure she explained how breeding matches are arranged amongst demon nobility."
Faintly Sesshomaru nodded. His mother had clearly and expressly stated that he had no choice in his future life partner, that one from an appropriate family would be chosen for him. Or perhaps… had already been chosen. There had been a time that Inkimi had sat him down to discuss 'future plans'. Sesshomaru had been on the brink of adulthood. Something had felt very… wrong. In the middle of her speech Sesshomaru had stood and calmly stated that no one dictated his future, and on the path of supreme conquest, he would not be ordered to do anything by anyone. Then he had left. Sesshomaru had not returned to Unoshiro since that day.
When Sesshomaru's eyes lifted to his father's face, he found compassion and understanding in Toga's golden hues.
"I am proud of you for not bending to her will."
There was a brief flare of hope within Sesshomaru's chest, before he quickly quashed it again. I must remember, he left me… for Izayoi. His human lover was more important, than his own son.
Toga began speaking again. "Inkimi was never a true partner in life. She was always very careful to maintain her own goals and independence from me. Even in our culture son, partners rule together. As one." He sighed heavily. "I think Inkimi's true goal was to control the dog clan. She's very good at maneuvering people to do what she wishes, without them even being aware of it. For a time, that included me. Later… it included you as well, being her only son and under her tutelage. In the end, it seems she lost us both." Toga shrugged vaguely. "By the time I met Izayoi, whatever existed between Inkimi and myself had already deteriorated beyond repair. I had never met anyone so kind and gentle like Izayoi… it was like breathing fresh air after being lost in dank caverns all my life. I couldn't explain why I was drawn to her, just that her light melted the darkness I'd been living in for so long."
The way Toga's story mirrored his own, sent a shiver of ice down Sesshomaru's spine.
Clearing his throat, Toga continued. "I found reasons to help her father, the daimyo of the reigon. For a time, I was accepted. I watched over Izayoi as she grew, from a respectful distance." Memories flickered in the air around them, snapshots of images of Izayoi growing into a beautiful woman. "She was near twenty, when I realized I could no longer live without her in my life. It was my utter astonishment and joy, to find out that she felt the same. I approached her father for his blessing, which he readily provided… we had become friends over the years. He believed I would well protect his daughter, and that our societies could live as one. But not all beings believe that demons and humans can coexist."
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed a fraction as he broke in. "Because they can't."
Toga cast a sidelong glance at his son. "Is that so?" A smile played on the older demon's lips. "What would your companion say to such a remark, I wonder?"
Wrongly, Sesshomaru had assumed that Toga's knowledge was limited to what he had remembered before he died. The yokai blanched, when he realized that the great dog demon knew about Rin.
"Rin is a child, temporarily in my keeping to repay the debt of her showing me kindness when I was mortally wounded. She will return to humanity once it is safe." Not a lie... but also not the whole truth.
Closing his eyes, Toga's smile widened. Sesshomaru had the distinct feeling that his father was amused. "Izayoi and I married by human custom when she was nineteen."
"What?!" Sesshomaru had never realized that his father had actually bonded himself to the human woman… Inkimi had indicated that it was a silly fling. Some sort of desire to 'taste' something forbidden. His eyebrows drew together as he struggled to comprehend his father's words.
"We could have married earlier… humans are so strange about age. I felt she needed to make the decision as an adult, by our standards. Her father would have gladly allowed her to marry quite a bit younger I suspect, but I was not comfortable with it. As demon lords, we must be above reproach in all things. Never compromising, never becoming the monsters they believe us to be."
For several heartbeats Sesshomaru was silent, his mind working furiously beneath his relatively calm exterior. "Why would you marry a human? Human customs are barbaric, and have no bearing on—"
"Sesshomaru." Toga turned to look his son in the eyes. Irritated, Sesshomaru lapsed into terse silence, gold eyes narrowed slightly as he watched his father. "Human customs can be beautiful. You're not wrong, some cultural aspects are very… backwards. Izayoi was a princess to her people, I wanted to respect her culture as we joined our souls as one."
Joined souls? Sesshomaru hesitated, considering. Then it dawned on him. "You not only married her... but bound yourself to her with the Kizuna."
Images flashed around them as the stood. Izayoi in Toga's arms, standing together in shadow as moonlight cascaded over them. They were clothed with only their hair, and the fullness of his father's mokomoko which retained their dignity. Toga leaned down to gently kiss her forehead, where his lips touched, a half moon glowed softly before absorbing into her skin and banishing. Sesshomaru eyed the scene tersely, not because of their state of undress and intimacy - for such things were not taboo in the world of demons - but because of the mirror of his own memory. The memory of the night after he had brought Rin to life, in Tanko's hut. The heavy scent of lilac in the air, as he placed his own mark upon Rin's forehad. Slowly, his eyes shifted to look at Toga once again.
"You have experienced the intensity of such a bond yourself." Toga prodded gently, a compassionate knowing in his eyes. Sesshomaru looked away, without responding. "You do not need to be ashamed, providing another being with the protection of Kizuna is one of the most selfless sacrificing acts a yokai can give."
"I am not ashamed." Sesshomaru replied tersely. "I did not know what I was giving... so it was not an act of sacrifice."
"Son, whether your mind understood the intricacies of Kizuna or not, your primal instinct knew, your generational memory of a thousand demon generations before you understood. You gave of yourself to another living being. That act, in itself, is sacrifice."
Sesshomaru closed his eyes. The image of Rin's wide brown trusting eyes filled his thoughts. Perhaps father is correct. Perhaps a primal need in me, was to protect her. From somewhere deep inside his soul, he sighed heavily with that knowledge. When he opened his eyes again, Toga was smiling.
"Sharing your soul with another, is the most beautiful experience any being can comprehend. It will soothe your soul, and create in you, the opportunity for a new life." There was a pause before Toga continued. "I know that right now, you feel only the inner torment of it... the angst of it all. But this time will pass, more quickly than it should. Enjoy these moments, for once they're gone you can never retrieve them." Shifting his gaze back to the shimmering memories around them, Toga's expression grew serious once again. "With that beauty, comes other things. Darkness in the hearts of other demons and humans, which you need to be aware of. You must see this too." The memories around them skipped, flashing images of Izayoi and Toga together. "We had kept the marriage private, with only a few humans who knew it had taken place. The demon community believed Izayoi to be my lover, which was generally accepted, as my own flaw in taste. Hiding our true connection, protected her from the wrath of the demons. However, it turned out that humans were to be our worst enemy. There was a samurai named Takemaru who had grown up with Izayoi in the palace, he was gone when Izayoi and I married. He returned, and asked for her hand. The Daiymo did not believe Takemaru to be a threat to his daughter, since he was in love with her, and informed him of Izayoi's marriage to the great dog demon leader." Pain passed over Toga's face. "It was the daiymo's greatest mistake. Takemaru flew into a rage and swore revenge on me for corrupting Izayoi - in his eyes. The Daiymo died within days, under suspicious circumstances, and suddenly the news of Izayoi's marriage to a demon lord became public knowledge, throwing the noble family into public shame. Takemaru took control of the region, once the daiymo passed - I always suspected that he killed him, but was never able to prove it. At the time, Izayoi carried InuYasha, her days were nearly complete."
Sesshomaru remained silent and felt slightly ill. He had known the general story of Toga's death, but the details had died with him. Izayoi had never attempted to reach out to her step-son, the secret illicit details of her relationship with his father, had died with her. Confused anger filled his chest. Toga had abandoned his demon mate and first born, not for the reasons Sesshomaru had believed all these years - but for love. The love of a human woman, who had saved his life. The story hit dangerously close to home, only confusing his long spent anger over Toga's abandonment, even more.
"Takemaru had a plan, a very effective one. I suspect that he had some sort of deal made with Ryukotsei to keep me preoccupied while he wreaked his havoc. Unfortunately for Takemaru, the dragon was not nearly enough to prohibit me from returning to my pregnant wife." There were several heartbeats of silence before Toga continued, his voice husky. "I had forged the two swords from my fangs, with the intent of protecting Izayoi from anything that would try and harm her... to preserve her delicate human life. Even with my swords, I was too late. By the time I arrived, Takemaru had slain Izayoi, but the newly birthed Inuyasha had lived, somehow escaping Takemaru's notice. I... felt... the moment she drew her last breath." Toga's body seemed to tense, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "I had just resurrected her with the Tenseiga when Takemaru appeared. I was severaly wounded from Ryikotsei - which you already know. My life was fleeting. To me, Izayoi and InuYasha's survival meant the most to me." Toga closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath, before turning to his son. "I tell you this, not to rouse your anger again toward InuYasha, but to warn you - not everyone will accept a human and a demon together, something I'm sure you've witnessed before, but you need to understand the lengths that they will go to, to prevent such a union. You need to be prepared, to protect what is most important. I died in fire and flame, and took Takemaru with me - so that what was most precious would survive." The memory of his father's death pulsed around them, vibrant images of blood and fire.