Chapter 3: Before I Fade Away

A grenade exploded against the other side of the street corner Swiss was taking cover in, causing her to involuntarily shudder. The sound of automatic gunfire emanated from a nearby position down the street. She frantically looked around… What the hell was going on?

"Swiss!" Dazzle's familiar voice shouted over the radio, "Take the shot!"

Swiss's eyes widened as she looked down, finally noticing the rocket launcher in her hands.

"Swiss!" Sapphire called out, the urgency in her voice shaking Swiss out of her trance. "We can't hold our position for much longer!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Swiss cried out as she hurriedly turned out from the corner with the rocket launcher on her shoulder. She aimed it down the street, seeing a tank with its cannon barrel pointed to the side. Fighting against the smoke and dust, she pointed her weapon at the side of the tank's turret.

As she was about to pull the trigger, some of the smoke around the tank blew away, revealing an indistinct Griffin doll carrying an unconscious person on her back. The doll turned her head, noticing Swiss in a wide-eyed stare.

"Swiss!" Night Eyes's voice interrupted her thoughts, "Now!"

"But-!" Swiss stammered as she watched the Griffin doll stagger towards safety, moving the weight of two people. Finally, she cleared the tank, and Swiss prepared to fire. Before she could fully pull the trigger, a blinding flash erupted from the tank's cannon, the sheer violence of the muzzle blast causing her to stumble back.

"No!" Swiss shouted, watching the plume of dust rise from a house nearby. "Night Eyes, are you alright?"

There was no response.

"Night Eyes? Dazzle? Sapphire?" Swiss called out, a feeling of primal terror enveloping her mind as a deathly silence enveloped the world around her. "Please… Are you alright?"

"Someone, please respond!" Swiss cried out as she got up and began running towards the demolished house. Suddenly, she stumbled and fell forward onto the ground. She felt a sharp pain in her chest.

"No… why?" Swiss said with a groan, raising her head and seeing the Griffin doll walk towards her, rifle in hand. "Where did I go wrong?"

The Griffin doll approached her, her figure silhouetted against the moonlight and looming over Swiss's body. As she got closer, the doll's face became clear to Swiss. She watched in horror as it slowly morphed in her vision into…

…her own face?

"W-what?" Swiss gasped as she watched the doll walk up to her. It was her. She was looking at a mirror reflection of herself!

"What's going on?!" Swiss demanded, terrified.

"Everyone you care about is dead because of you," the mirror image solemnly stated before pointing its rifle at Swiss's head, "You have all the tools at your disposal, but you never use them right."

"But! I-" Swiss began to protest.

"Why did you hesitate?" the mirror image demanded, "Why can't you learn to be strong… like them?"

"I'm sorry…" Swiss whispered in defeat, slowly closing her eyes. "I didn't want things to end this way…"

"Swiss, report in," Dazzle suddenly said.

"Huh- what?!" Swiss exclaimed, suddenly stumbling and falling onto the ground. She snapped her head towards Dazzle's voice, seeing her standing a few metres behind her. Behind Dazzle stood Night Eyes and Sapphire, all alive and well.

"Swiss…?" Dazzle asked, "What's going on?"

"I-" Swiss began before stopping abruptly. She swung her head around; she was no longer in the battlefield, but back in the forest.

"Uh, do you hear me?"

"I'm alright…" Swiss muttered, blinking a few times before picking herself back up.

"You've been awfully quiet," Night Eyes pointed out "Is everything alright?"

"Well, not really, man. I don't feel so good," Swiss replied, trying to hide what she just went through. "My head hurts… uh, plus my clock's been broken for a while now. How long have we been walking for?"

"Just about an hour now," Dazzle answered, "Report any new developments with your condition to us as they occur. We need to know how mission-capable you are."

"I know, I know," Swiss said with a sigh, "Don't worry, I can still shoot my gun… I can still do the electronic stuff, too."

Suddenly, Swiss stumbled forward, tripping over some uneven ground. She landed clumsily back onto her knees with a thud.

"Swiss!" Night Eyes called out. She had a concerned expression on her face, albeit making sure to stay several metres away like the others.

"Ow!" Swiss said with a groan. Her movements felt sluggish, as if she were still in a dream. "Don't worry, I'm alright…"

FN-49 helped Swiss back up. She watched as Swiss dusted herself off.

"Hey… Why don't you let me carry my rifle?" FN-49 suggested, "It'll be easier for you that way."

"No," Night Eyes instantly objected, "Don't even think about it."

"Oh, come on! What could I possibly do to you guys, especially in the state I'm in?" FN-49 argued, "And what am I supposed to do when we finally find Alchemist?"

"Keep. Moving," Night Eyes warned, raising her gun at FN-49.

"Hmph!" FN-49 said before storming forward with her arms crossed.

Swiss glanced at FN-49 before looking back at her team.

"Keep going, Swiss," Dazzle said, "We'll be there soon."

"Soon, yeah," Swiss said with a sigh, "You know, FN-49 isn't so bad, and her gun is pretty heavy too."

"Just a safety precaution," Dazzle explained, "Night Eyes is right. We don't work often with other dolls, especially not with the enemy. It's ultimately for your own good."

"My own good, I know," Swiss nodded as she began to walk again, "Safety first… whatever."

An uncomfortable silence descended upon the group as they continued to walk through the forest. The group had been walking uneventfully for about ten minutes when Sapphire suddenly spoke up.

"Everyone, stop!" Sapphire suddenly called out, making everyone freeze in their tracks. Dazzle and Night Eyes instantly assumed combat stances before directing their attention to their resident sniper.

"What's wrong?" Night Eyes asked.

"We're in a STIGIS field!" Sapphire announced, "Did nobody else notice?"

"What's a STIGIS field?" FN-49 asked.

"I was busy visually scanning our surroundings," Night Eyes said.

"Shit, I wasn't even checking," Dazzle responded, mentally fiddling with her internal electronic warfare gear. "Usually Swiss handles all that stuff."

"STIGIS? Oh, fuck!" Swiss exclaimed, her eyes widening after a few seconds. "I completely forgot about that!"

"What's a STIGIS field?" FN-49 asked again.

"What do we do?" Dazzle asked, "Swiss, can you still spoof the IFF handshake?"

"Should be a piece of cake." Swiss closed her eyes for several seconds, sending a connection request to the nearest long-range communications terminal. Moments passed in silence, her face visibly growing more frustrated over time.

"I… I can't," Swiss finally said.

"You can't?" Dazzle repeated.

"I just… can't do it anymore," Swiss said, vigorously shaking her head. "My mind is all messed up. I can't remember how the procedure went, ugh- I can't concentrate on anything right now for more than a few seconds. Damn it!"

"Sapphire, can you do it?" Dazzle asked.

"I just tried," Sapphire said, shaking her head. "I don't know how to do it, never got the software."

"So Alchemist will know exactly where we are from here on," Night Eyes said, narrowing her eyes. "Saves us from having to find her then."

"I'm sorry, guys," Swiss said, staring at the ground. "I messed it up this time. I should've noticed this sooner. I should've focused more and-"

"We'll be fine. At least we noticed," Dazzle said, "We can compensate. Sabre team always finds a way."

"But, I can't do anything properly right now!" Swiss complained, "'Sabre team always finds a way,' Can you all still find a way without me? What's the point of having me around then?"

"That's not what I-"

"I- I'm just dead weight at the moment, am I? I feel like I'm just weighing everyone down, I hate it so much!"

Dazzle opened her mouth to respond before closing it again. The rest of Sabre team looked at Swiss, unable to find the words to console her.

"Ugh, forget it," Swiss dismissed, "Sorry, I'm just being a child again, aren't I? I'll be alright."

FN-49 continued walking through the forest, leading the Sangvis squad towards Alchemist's secret lair. Apart from her gradually worsening mental state, she could also feel the primal terror slowly well up inside her as she came closer and closer towards Alchemist. To be honest, FN-49 would have rather just taken a bullet to the head than have to come face-to-face with that monster again. But every time she thought about stopping, she thought about Swiss. The poor doll was trailing a few steps behind her now, occasionally mumbling quietly to herself. From what FN-49 could piece together, Swiss was giving herself some sort of pep talk, telling herself that everything was "going to be alright" or whatever. FN-49 felt bad for her.

FN-49 looked up and stopped dead in her tracks. Though she had either forgotten or failed to notice almost every landmark during her initial escape, the rocky outcropping she saw in front of her was unmistakable. They were almost there.

"FN-49? Why did you stop?" Swiss asked, catching up to her.

"We're almost there," FN-49 whispered under her breath, her body subconsciously tensing up.

"Good, I just wanna get this over with… then go home," Swiss wearily replied.

"Um, sorry for asking again," FN-49 began, "But are you really sure we can beat Alchemist?"

"Don't worry," Swiss said with a faint smile, "If there's one thing my sisters are good at doing, that's killing things."

Swiss turned around. Her expression instantly blanked before quickly changing to one of surprise and fear.

"Who the fuck?" Swiss demanded as she raised her gun at the unknown figure in front of her, "Where the hell did you come from?!"

BANG!

A bullet sliced through the air, barely missing the unknown doll's head.

"Whoa, Swiss, stand down!" Dazzle shouted, raising a hand up.

Swiss blinked. She squinted her eyes, focusing on the figure before her. Her gun was pointing at the head of… Night Eyes?

"Swiss?!" Night Eyes demanded, clearly startled. "What's going on?"

"Ah!" Swiss let out a suppressed cry as she took a step back.

"Swiss!" Night Eyes asked again, now approaching her. "Are you alright?"

Swiss took another step back, dropping her rifle onto the ground. She looked again. There were three figures in front of her: Night Eyes, Dazzle, and Sapphire. Who the hell was she pointing her gun at earlier?

"Oh my god, what was I doing?" Swiss choked out, her eyes widening. She put her hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Night Eyes, I didn't mean to-"

"Swiss, get a hold of yourself!" Dazzle interrupted, "We're alright!"

"No, no, no! I can't believe… I can't believe I just forgot who you were!" Swiss stammered, continuing to step backwards until she tripped over a tree root, falling to the ground. "Of all the things…"

"Swiss, look at me!" Night Eyes demanded, "It was just a momentary lapse! You're alri-"

"NO I'M NOT!"

Swiss suddenly yelled back with all her might. It was as if something inside her had finally snapped. Time seemed to freeze as her words rippled through the air around her.

"I- I feel like I'm slowly fading away!" Swiss wailed, tears filling her eyes. "I'm forgetting who I am! I'm forgetting who you are! I can't stand it anymore!"

Everyone stared at Swiss, speechless.

"I'M SCARED! I've been slowly dying this whole time, but I'm trying to be brave!"

"It's okay if I forget everything I've learned…"

"It's okay if I become useless…"

"It's okay if I have to die a million times each day!"

"But If I ever lose you all…"

"That's the one thing I could never bear!"

Swiss stared at everyone's shocked expressions for a few seconds before burying her face in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I… I didn't know you've been shouldering this burden this whole time," Night Eyes finally said.

"It's okay… I know you don't understand," Swiss choked out, "You should just turn me off and boot up my neural backup, that would be the smart decision, right? You've always been more pragmatic, more mature, more focused on the mission, like the rest of the team. It's my fault, I'm the one who's being too emotional… too childish… I know I still have a long way to go…"

"No," Night Eyes quietly responded, walking up to Swiss. "It's you… who we should be learning from."

"What?" Swiss asked, raising her head slightly. "What do you mean?"

Suddenly, Night Eyes knelt in front of Swiss and wrapped her arms around her. She buried Swiss's face into her chest, muffling a startled cry, and rested her chin over her subordinate's head. She held Swiss firmly for a few seconds.

Swiss quickly pushed herself out of Night Eyes's embrace, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Night Eyes…" Swiss began, "What… are you doing?"

"I'm sorry," Night Eyes apologized, staring intently at Swiss's eyes. The dim moonlight cast its glow upon the two. For the first time in ages, there was genuine regret on her face. "I should've been here for you sooner."

"But… No, why did you…" Swiss stammered, staring at Night Eyes, who was already trying to hide the pain emanating from her head behind the gentlest smile she could muster. "Why would you do that…?"

"Because I'm scared too," Night Eyes said, taking Swiss's hands and clasping them in her own. "I don't want to lose you either. How could I ever forgive myself if I couldn't save you? If I couldn't be the leader—no, sister—you deserved?"

"But you still shouldn't have…" Swiss protested, "You didn't have to-"

"I'm not going to leave you. Never again," Night Eyes promised, stroking Swiss's hair. "Whatever happens now, we're in this together."

"Night Eyes…" Swiss choked out before throwing herself back into Night Eyes's arms. "Thank you…"

After a while, another pair of arms wrapped around the two Sangvis dolls.

"It hurts…" Sapphire gasped, wincing as the virus tunneled into her neural cloud. "…But let me help share your pain."

"We are Sabre team, after all," Dazzle added, also joining the embrace. "We have to stick together for each others' sake—we're all we have."

"Everyone…" Swiss began, "I feel so awful, but I'm so happy right now. I've never ever been this happy in my life…"

"You're going to survive, I promise you that," Night Eyes said reassuringly, wiping a tear from Swiss's face.

"We're all going to survive."