Life 4:3
To Blackfoot, the reaction of the elders to Snakepaw entering the elders den was equal parts confusing and encouraging. When Snakepaw entered, the elders rose to attention and gave that same familiar salute. "Shadowclan overcomes." Snakepaw saluted back to them ack with the full salute. "We survive. We thrive. Shadowclan overcomes." With that, the elders sank back into their resting positions.
"It is so nice to see cats of the younger generations still remember our roots." One of the elders mewed. It was Ashfur, one of the elders who helped instigate the coup that ended Brokenstar's reign. "It's a shame that such dedication to the Shadowclan way seems to have skipped a generation." She mewed, eyes flicking to Blackfoot.
Blackfoot was somewhat sheepish in his response. "About that. We actually want to bring that back. Tigerstar's orders. Unfortunately, besides Snakepaw, there's no able bodied cats who still remember how things used to be. We were hoping that a few of you would be willing to come out of retirement to instruct us on the old ways of Shadowclan."
Ashfur's eyes widened at the request as well as the rest of the elders. Tigerstar was really willing to return Shadowclan to form? They hadn't seen that coming. From what they could tell, Tigerstar was just going to be either a Raggedstar, who did away with the old way of Shadowclan, or a Brokenstar, a cat grabbing mindlessly for power. Despite this hope, the elders felt the need to deliberate. They all weren't able bodied enough to train apprentices anymore. For some, even walking was a tiring endeavor. At the same time, the possibility to resurrect the old way of Shadowclan was tantalizing. The question was if they could push through the aches and pains of old age to teach the younger generation how to be Shadowclan again.
"If it helps, you'll mainly be going over formations and giving verbal instructions. We don't really need you to teach us how to fight. It won't be perfect to start, but some of the lost knowledge will be rediscovered as we utilize the old ways." Snakepaw chimed in.
The elders took not of Snakepaw's unusual wisdom and decided to question the apprentice before they'd come to a final answer. "Tell us Snakepaw, how is it that you came to know of the old ways of Shadowclan?"
"Well, when I was born here, I already knew everything about Shadowclan's old ways. I've had what many consider Starclan gifted knowledge for a long time. I know the old formations probably as well as any of you. The claws formation was one we used to break a lineup. The pond was what we used on things like badgers, trapping them. The web was a trapping maneuver for when we were attacked. There's a good few more I remember." Snakepaw mewed, opening his mouth to continue but was cut off.
"Ok. We believe you. Seeing as one fit cat still knows the old ways, we'll be willing to teach it. Though, we will require Runningnose or his apprentice Littlecloud to be present during the training. Not all the maneuvers are safe and our bodies are not as strong as they used to be, so we may have issues while teaching." One of the elders answered.
"Then we'll see it done. That's all we ask of you revered elders." Blackfoot answered respectfully.
As they left, Blackfoot couldn't help hearing an insult from one of the elders. "Revered my tail! I'm sure he 'revered' that Thunderclan elder Rosetail before he killed her." Blackfoot's ears sunk as he reinforced his façade of apathy. He'd never wanted to kill that elder, but he'd had his orders. Get the kits no matter the cost. Brokenstar had sharpened his claws on Blackfoot before for being too merciful during the Windclan raid, so he'd done his job. Not that there was much of a difference for when Yellowfang got done beating him. He might as well have been gotten by Brokenstar. The only luck he had was that the coup occurred before Brokenstar could decide to punish him.
Snakepaw caught the insult and Blackfoot's reaction. He looked up at the deputy with concern. Blackfoot, seeing this look, couldn't help aggressively, "What? Now you're going to avoid me because I'm a murderer?"
Snakepaw, instead of being scared, instead pressed himself into Blackfoot comfortingly. "No. I know what killers look like. I know how cats who kill for pleasure act. They revel in the power of the moment, often going to recreate the moment. You aren't like that. When they mentioned what you did, you looked guilty. I can tell that you never really wanted to do that. Even if you did, you now regret it. Bad cats don't do that. You aren't a bad cat." Snakepaw consoled.
Blackfoot hesitated a moment. He hadn't been nuzzled since he was a kit, and yet this apprentice was comforting him and seeking to be comforted back. Slowly, Blackfoot worked up the nerve to return the nuzzle, feeling another layer of his façade lift away as at least one cat saw more in him than simply Brokenstar's and Tigerstar's primary minion.
After a few moments, Blackfoot pulled away, uncomfortable with the attention Snakepaw was giving him. "Well, we better check in with Runningnose and Littlecloud to see if they'll be willing to help with the training." He redirected.
Snakepaw knew a deflection when he saw one, but Blackfoot wasn't likely to open up any time soon, so he went with it. "Sure. Maybe Starclan will whisper some advice in their ears as the training progresses." Snakepaw accepted.
When they entered the medicine den, Runningnose's eyes brightened. "Snakepaw, it is good to see you." He mewed cheerfully, nuzzling the young apprentice and getting one in turn. Then Runningnose's eyes fixed on Blackfoot. His voice turned cold as he mewed his greeting. "Blackfoot." He mewed with an acknowledging nod.
The sheer coldness in Runningnose's tone reminded Blackfoot why he kept up his façade. He was unwelcome here. The only reason he wasn't kicked out was because he held the dubious title of deputy. Shadowclan hadn't forgotten Blackfoot's previous position as Brokenstar's right paw. Even if he never really had any power to make decisions, they still believed he was complicit in what Brokenstar did to their clan. All those meaningless deaths. They could never know how the faces of those lost kits haunted his dreams or how many claw marks lie beneath his coat from his attempts to dissuade Brokenstar against his plans of sacrifice for conquest.
"The elders requested one of the medicine cats' presence when they begin instructing on the old ways of Shadowclan." Blackfoot mewed informally.
"Truly?" Runningnose questioned. "I'd recently received a dream of Shadowclan marching backwards in time. Maybe this is what they meant. Very well. I'll ensure either Littlecloud or I am available during these training sessions. I'm giving you the benefit of a doubt here Blackfoot. Don't disappoint."
At least things seemed a bit less obviously hostile to Blackfoot today. No cat called him a murderer or crony to his face. There's still been the overheard whisper or two, but today was just a bit better. It helped that Snakepaw, a cat who by all means should have been like the rest, seemed to care for him. There was something niggling at the back of Blackfoot's mind about the apprentice. Something about them reminded him of another of his murders. It reminded him of a Thunderclan apprentice who'd fought him valiantly despite his rib cage being visibly broken. He knew that apprentice didn't survive that day. No cat could with that kind of damage. He still felt regret at hastening that apprentice's death with that jab meant to make space. Guilt was a heavy weight Blackfoot carried. It never left him and never would.