A/N – The penultimate chapter, the end is upon us.

We did Kakashi's birthday, it only stands to reason we do Hinata's as well.

"I cannot believe you, Naruto!"

Naruto stood before him, the picture of sheepish contrition, but Kakashi was actually more annoyed than he had been in a while. Sakura stood off to the side, silently looking on in morbid interest.

Naruto, in his abominable tomfoolery (which included bug spray, a broken wheelbarrow and a bowl of bootleg Curry of Life), had managed to break the gift Kakashi got for Hinata (thankfully she had accepted the day off he had tried to give her, or the secret would have been out the moment it had happened).

Kakashi looked outside, feeling his heart sinking. They only had two hours at most before he had to go on their date.

Could he just tell Hinata about what had happened? Yes.

Would she be entirely too understanding, not only because of what had happened on his own birthday, but also because she was a sweet person? Absolutely.

Was he going to?

...

...

No.

Which left him here.

"Naruto," Kakashi drew in a deep breath, held it for a good few seconds and then exhaled. "Explain to me why I shouldn't demote you to academy student, since that's how you insist on behaving."

"... I would crush those little brats in spars...?"

Sakura face-palmed loudly enough for Raidō to peek in to see what was happening. He raised a curious eyebrow at the scene inside, then decided that plausible deniability was his best friend and closed the door behind him.

"Just kidding, just kidding I can help!" Naruto yelped, realising that things were serious a split-second before Kakashi pushed up his forehead protector to trap him in a painful Genjutsu.

"Elaborate."

"You have a date in a couple hours, right?" Naruto spoke faster and faster, trying to get everything out before a jutsu was thrown at him. "You go and spend time with her. I'll get whatever you want me to get and hand it off to you! Sakura-chan can distract her while I give it to you! She won't know a thing, 'ttebyo!"

"I'm not getting involved in this!"

"Naruto, you don't have a single subtle bone in your body." Kakashi reminded him sarcastically. "How do you expect to carry out this mission?"

"I can be sneaky!" Naruto insisted, even though everyone in the room was aware that that was not true.

Both Kakashi and Sakura gave disbelieving scoffs (he was pretty sure he heard a bark of laughter from Iwashi on the other side of the door).

Kakashi studied Naruto. A plan was rotating in his mind.

'This might work, actually.'

He grinned. Said grin widened even further when both Naruto and Sakura shuddered in fear.

"You know what, Naruto?" Kakashi folded his hands beneath his chin. "I think I'll take you up on that."

_

Kakashi waited for Hinata outside her apartment building, fidgeting with the lining of his jacket pockets and actively ignoring Neji, who was glaring daggers at him from across the street (he should be paying more attention to his own surroundings, really. Tenten looked like she was going to throw him over her shoulder and chuck him into the Naka river).

Kakashi tapped his foot on the pavement, going over the plan for the umpteenth time.

Step 1. Go out to dinner as usual. Do not bring up any gifts (what even are gifts, Kakashi has never heard of such a thing, ever).

Step 2. Hope and pray to Kami that Naruto doesn't fuck this up.

Step 3. ???

Step 4. Birthday sex, hopefully.

He was not proud to admit that things seemed rough at the moment. He could see Naruto and Sakura running around (they only had one shop to go to, what the fuck was going on here?), and then Sasuke gave him a significant look, which Kakashi could only interpret as 'Naruto and Sakura have decided to improvise'. Against his suggestions (threats really, but they didn't have the self-preservation to realize that).

He's never been more scared in his life!

"Hello, Kakashi-kun," Hinata's voice reached him. "I hope you did not wait long?"

Hinata was clad in a lavender coat, with black woollen tights and ankle boots. She rose up on her tiptoes to press her red-painted lips to his cheek in a kiss, taking his hand.

"Not at all." Kakashi murmured, nudging her cheek with his nose. "I was thinking of a pretty girl, the whole time, so it wasn't a hardship."

He winked at her (again, a blink, with his eye situation, but she knew him well enough to be able to tell), grinning when she giggled at him.

"Flatterer." She caressed his hand with her thumb, smiling sweetly.

A little white lie was fine when it earned him reactions like that. After all, he was thinking about her (and also about how he was going to pull off the mission without her finding out about what had happened).

"So, where are we going?" Hinata asked him, as they strolled along the streets.

"I thought we'd go to Kobayashi's for dinner, then a night at your apartment? Keep it simple."

"That sounds great, would – "

Hinata and Kakashi were interrupted by a commotion up ahead as they were passing by Ankorodō

'What on Earth?'

A bright flash of red flew past them, dashing by at high speed.

"Eat my dust, Fugaku-teme!"

It was followed by a veritable stampede.

"UZUMAKI!"

"And here we see Uzumaki Kushina being chased by Uchiha Fugaku and his police force." Kakashi narrated as if he were a commentator, making Hinata cover her mouth to hide a smile. "Fugaku-sama also seems to be sporting a dashing mustache he did not have this morning. The work of Kushina-sama, most likely."

"GET HIM, OKAA-SAN!"

"Shut your fucking mouth, Dobe!"

"I don't know whether I should ask what he did to deserve this, or why Kushina-sama decided to do this?" Hinata whispered into his ear as Naruto and Sasuke ran after the group (Naruto was trying to trip Sasuke, who in turn was trying to run him through with Kusanagi).

"I would love to say that he deserved it," Kakashi defended half-heartedly (that better be a Kage Bunshin running after them, and not the actual Naruto!). "But she was probably just bored."

They continued on, with Kakashi silently hoping that this would be the only interruption.

Thankfully, they reached Kobayashi's without any further shenanigans.

_

Kakashi and Hinata sat in the restaurant, chatting as they waited for dessert after a delicious meal (Hinata insisted it wasn't needed, while Kakashi insisted that the birthday girl should get whatever sweets she likes).

The dessert in question ended up being an ice-cream sundae (matcha, yuzu and ube), with caramel sauce, crunchy nuts and an entire donut on there for some reason.

'One bite of that and I'll just fucking drop dead!'

"You think you can finish that in 15 minutes?" Kakashi challenged, looking at the monstrosity like it was a Kinjutsu (it felt like one to be honest. Or it could be a Genjutsu, making someone think they need to eat that. Something to consider).

_

Hinata gave Kakashi a searching look, not entirely sure what the question was about, then inspected the dessert, turning it around and feigning thoughtfulness.

"I could do it in 12." She asserted confidently. Usually she would go for 13 but she was feeling confident enough to shave off one minute.

Kakashi wiggled his eyebrows meaningfully at her.

Hinata furrowed her brows in confusion.

"What if you can't?" Kakashi clarified, leaning forward on the table.

"I am pretty sure I can..."

"But still." Kakashi refused to let the issue go.

All at once, Hinata realised what he was getting at, and sighed. "If I don't?"

"I'm afraid I'll have to keep that to myself, Hinata-chan." Hinata could feel the impish grin in his low voice. "They might just throw us out, if someone overhears."

Hinata blushed to the roots of her hair, and frowned in annoyance. Then she had an idea (one advantage of blushing already was that she didn't have to worry about blushing).

"Very well." She cleared her throat, and fiddled with the spoon. "And if I win, you have to read to me."

_

Kakashi's brows furrowed in confusion. "Read?"

"Well, it is my birthday!" Hinata declared, then cleared her throat again, eyes fixed on the table, when Kakashi gave her a disbelieving look. She replied softly. "I like your voice."

Kakashi almost melted into goo right at the table. He reached forward to grab her hand, and brought it up to his mouth for a chaste kiss.

"Hinata-chan, I'll read to you whenever you want." He cooed at her, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "You don't have to make this your birthday gift."

He had no idea why he said that. She was giving him an out, really.

"That is what I want." Hinata confirmed stubbornly, smiling at him.

"As the birthday girl wishes."

Kakashi pulled out a stopwatch (why does he have that? No one's business but his own), and set it to 12 minutes.

"3, 2, 1, begin!"

Hinata dug into the dessert, not seeming like she was in any hurry.

Someone was confident.

Hinata was halfway through the dessert (in only 5 minutes, he might lose this, actually) when Shikamaru came up with Mirai.

"Hi, Oba-chan!"

"Mirai-chan, hello!" Hinata spoke through a mouth full of ice-cream, and turned around in her seat to face Mirai. "What brings you here?"

Kakashi levelled a look at Shikamaru. Mirai waved something glitter-covered at Hinata, and Shikamaru took the opportunity to come closer and explain.

"Naruto got busy heckling Uchiha Fugaku, who put him and Kushina-sama in jail for the night." Shikamaru cringed, keeping his whisper low so Hinata wouldn't overhear. "Sasuke decided to bow out saying none of this was his business."

Kakashi closed his eyes, sighing tiredly. 'Can't expect anything from these idiots...'

"Sakura?"

"She apparently has some cousin from the Land of Flowers visiting that her parents wanted her to meet."

"Right." Kakashi rubbed the bridge of his nose, eyes idly moving to Hinata. She was attentively listening to Mirai, taking occasional bites of the dessert.

Yeah, he would have to take the out she was giving.

_

"With one last... fuck... with one last... lick to his cock, Michiru rose up and removed her dress – "

"Well, I don't have a dress, but the sweater should do." Hinata remarked from between his legs, following the book's text by giving his member one last lick and rising to sit up. "What do you think, Kakashi-kun?"

Well, Kakashi thought many things! Chief of them was that he had created the monster that would be his undoing.

When she'd told him he would have to read to her, he hadn't expected it would be Icha Icha!

"Well, Hinata-chan," Kakashi panted, fingers tightning on his book when Hinata grabbed the bottom of her sweater and pulled it up, taking it off and revealing her blue bra with printed flowers. "I think, in the interest of staying true to the book, the leggings and skirt should come off too."

"You think so?" Hinata asked, feigning exaggerated attention. She hummed in consideration. "I suppose you are right. After all, the point is all clothes off, yes?"

"Yup, that's it." Kakashi agreed breathlessly, the fingers holding his book twitching with the need to touch.

"Keep going." Hinata ordered as she shuffled back to remove her leggings.

Kakashi reluctantly turned his eyes back to the page, arousal blurring the words.

"Kyūsuke... Kyūsuke reached up," Hinata grabbed his hand within hers. "And grabbed her breasts, squeezing the soft mounds."

Hinata guided his hand to her breast, squeezing. "Next?"

"Michiru pulled a hand up, and kissed his palm, leaving behind a red mark."

"Oh dear," Hinata grinned, not moving his hand further up. "I'm afraid my lipstick is gone already, Kakashi-kun. Do you mind waiting a little while I put it on?"

Kakashi just nodded silently and moved his hands to her waist to help her balance, not trusting himself with words. His ears were burning and he felt like he was going to melt into the mattress.

"Thank you, Kakashi-kun!"

Hinata reached forward towards the nightstand, her covered breasts brushing against his chest. She grabbed the small tube of lipstick that was there, and painted it over her lips.

"There we go! Now," Hinata brought his hand up, pressing a kiss to the palm. The red print left behind had his member growing stiffer. "What's next?"

"Michiru straddled him and – "

"Are you sure?" Hinata's eyes flicked to the book questioningly.

"Hinata-chan, do you think I would lie about that?" Kakashi tried to look suitably offended.

"Kakashi-kun," Hinata nipped at a finger. "Be a good boy and tell me what is next."

Kakashi pouted and turned back to the book (not that he needed to. After so many years of reading his books he knew exactly what was next).

"Michiru crawled upwards, pressing kisses to his throat. And – And Kyūsuke," A moan rattled through his throat when Hinata did just that. His now-free hand stroked up her spine, fisting itself into her hair. "Kyūsuke grabbed her hair and – and tugged, pulling her back."

"And then?" Hinata breathed out, half-lidded eyes fixed on his.

"And then..." Kakashi pulled her closer, whispering in her ear. "Kakashi told his kitten that he would much rather do what she wants."

Kakashi pulled the lobe of her ear between his lips, trying to sound suitably seductive. He dropped Icha Icha off to the side and moved his hands down to the small of her back, pulling her closer into himself.

Hinata kissed him, her hands moving up his chest to support his neck. Her tongue tangled with his, and Kakashi groaned when her fingers scratched behind his ear.

"Is that so?" Hinata murmured against his lips. "Anything I want?"

"Promise."

"In that case..." Hinata tugged playfully at his lip. "... You would not mind telling me what Shikamaru-kun said to you, would you?"

'...Huh?'

"What, that's... Koneko-chan, why are we talking about him right now?" Kakashi asked incredulously, petulantly tugging at her hair in protest.

'No way, there's no fucking way – '

"I just find it... intriguing, let us say," Hinata pushed up to lean over him, looking at him searchingly with a knowing smile on her face. "That Mirai-chan gave me two cards in one day."

'Goddamnit! Shikamaru, you dumbass!'

"Well, the kid loves you, obviously." Kakashi tried to salvage the situation. "Maybe she felt like giving you another one!"

"Maybe so," Hinata agreed easily, one hand moving down from his neck to his torso. "Or maybe, Shikamaru-kun needed a distraction and made this plan, not knowing that Mirai-chan had already given a card to me today."

"Wouldn't Mirai have told him?" Kakashi suggested a little desperately, hands moving down to her rear, fiddling with her underwear to try and distract her.

"I don't know, would she have?" Hinata retorted, red lips stretching into a smug grin.

Well, apparently she didn't, that shit-stirring gremlin!

Instead of trying to conjure an explanation and digging his grave even further, Kakashi decided to take matters into his own hands.

He pulled her down into a deep kiss, and when he was sure she was sufficiently distracted, he flipped them over.

He turned her around so her back was pressed against his chest, nipping at her shoulder when she just laughed at him. He pulled her panties down and off, tossing them away.

"Hokage-sama, are you going back on your word?" Hinata teased him, rear pushing back against his member. "You promised anything I wanted."

"So I did, Koneko-chan." Kakashi agreed, pushing her further down so her head was resting on her folded arms, rear up in the air. "But I have better ways to make you feel good, if you would like a demonstration."

"Hmm..." Hinata made a show of considering, reaching up and twining a hand in his hair. She gripped tight, and Kakashi groaned at the tingles spreading from his scalp down to his neck. "And what would those ways be, Kakashi-kun?"

Kakashi grinded forward, satisfaction spreading through him at the way her lashes fluttered and she moaned into the back of her hand.

But he wanted more.

"I could fuck you just like this, of course. On my knees, at your command." Kakashi's member rubbed against her intimacy, coating himself in her juices.

"You could put me on my back again, ride my face to your pleasure." He whispered into her ear. The red was climbing up her neck again, and her attention was caught by him.

"Or if Koneko-chan is feeling particularly vicious, you could hold me down, ride me with your claws at my throat to keep me in my place." His blood was heating up with his own words, and he pressed a harsh kiss on the nape of her neck when she moaned. "What will it be, Koneko-chan?"

Hinata shifted in place, hips pushing back into him. "All of them. First, second and third."

"So greedy, Koneko-chan." Kakashi chuckled out loud, and in one smooth thrust, buried himself into her. "Gonna put me through my paces?"

Hinata nodded against the pillow, silently but frantically, pushing back into his thrusts. The hand in his hair fell next to her face, and Kakashi brushed the blue strands snaking across her shoulders and mouth aside.

"I'll do my best to accommodate, Koneko-chan." Kakashi groaned, the knot in his belly tightening. Her teasing with the Icha Icha already had him close. He would definitely not last as long as he would like.

Kakashi reached a hand down to flick at her button to hasten the proceedings, and a pained moan left Hinata's throat.

"Kakashi, Kakashi-kun, please, I – ah!" Her walls tightened around him, pulling him in harder. "H-Harder! Harder, please!"

Kakashi pushed his head into her shoulder, biting his lip harshly to keep some semblance of control.

His pace quickened as he brought them both to their peaks, her wetness aiding his efforts.

In what seemed like the work of only a few more thrusts, Hinata spasmed around him, whimpering as she wrenched a blinding orgasm out of him.

Kakashi guided her down, pulling her shaking form into himself and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Hinata's hand found his over her torso, twining their fingers and bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles.

"Kakashi-kun," Hinata panted, catching her breath. "Was it... good for you...?"

Kakashi made a disgruntled little noise, and pinched her waist, making her squeal. "You're going to ask that after fucking my brains out?"

"You did most of the f-fucking, I believe!" Hinata dug a thumb into the meat of his palm. "And I would... would like an answer, please."

"Yes, Koneko-chan, it was very good for me." Kakashi nuzzled her hair, kissing her forehead when she turned onto her back to face him. "10 out of 10. Will think about it twice a day for the rest of my life."

He wasn't even lying about that. He would have to be careful reading Icha Icha in public for a good long while.

Hinata giggled, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

He was still feeling a little buzzy when he found himself on his back. He blinked at Hinata, who was looking down smugly at him. She reached behind herself, and removed her bra, tossing it off to the side.

"How much time will you need, Sensei?" Hinata's thumb pressed against his lip, pushing down.

Yup. That's a monster of his own making, all right.

"My tongue's ready to go, Koneko-chan."

A/N – And that's the last smut of the fic, how fast the time passes! Trying to figure out how Jiraiya would write Icha Icha killed me!