Three weeks ago...
Homer had started that day like any other day.
When his alarm went off, he banged the clock hard with a thump of his heavy, sleepy hand.
He slowly sat up in bed, stretching his arms as he gave out a big bellow of a yawn.
He got up and slogged over to the wardrobe, pulling out a white shirt and blue jeans.
He sluggishly pulled his legs through each end of his pants and yanked his shirt over his head, his arms releasing themselves through the short sleeves.
When he got downstairs, Marge was already up, preparing lunch for the kids, and Homer went over to the fridge, pulling out milk, Duff, and a bowl for his chocolate cereal.
"How was your sleep, honey?" Marge asked him as she spread mayonnaise on bread for Bart and Lisa's sandwiches.
"Oh, SO good, Marge!" Homer said, as he shoved his full spoon into his mouth, slogging down the breakfast with eagerness and glee, "I dreamt I could fly! It was so real when I woke up, I thought for a second that I still could."
"Ha!"
Homer dodged his eyes to the side instantly, seeing Bart come in, laughing at his dream description.
"Why you little-!" Homer yelled at him, ramming his hands forward as he was about to strangle Bart, but his son quickly ducked instinctively and ran away to the other side of the kitchen.
"Ha ha!" Bart only continued to tease and laugh at his old man, and Homer only growled under his own breath.
"Now, Bart... there wasn't any ham in the fridge, so I gave you baloney instead."
"What a load of baloney!" Bart just laughed before getting his own breakfast ready.
"Ack!"
Lisa spat that disgusted word out as she entered the room, smelling the meat in the air, "What you should be giving us is tomatoes and cheese!"
"Yeah?" Bart butted in and added with a callous grin, "And have the bread all soggy when we take it out at lunch?"
"Just saying..." Lisa added, sounding a bit meeker in return.
She went over to the pantry and got herself a banana, peeling its skin as she enjoyed it for breakfast.
Marge only smirked at this all, casually looking out the window and jumping instantly when she saw the school bus bounding up the road.
"Quickly, you two! The bus is nearly here!"
She threw their sandwiches into brown paper bags and shoved them into her children's hands, ushering them out of the house, and the two waved back at Marge as they hurried onto the school bus.
Homer had just finished drinking his water, shoving his Duff bear bottle into his pocket, and Marge quickly came in back to him.
"Now, promise me you won't drink and drive, Homie?"
"But of course I won't!" Homer replied, really believing his own words. He got up and kissed his wife on the cheek as he picked up his work bag and waved at Marge as he left the house.
He found himself on the main road in moment's time, his bear bottle clinking as it hit against the motor stick.
Homer glanced down at it for a second before smirking as he said to the bottle like it could understand him.
"Marge thinking I would honestly drink and drive – I can go a few hours without a beer,"
He smiled to himself confident about this as he glanced back up at the road -
When suddenly he realized he was on a high bridge over the motorway.
"Ah!" Homer yelped, instantly pulling the wheel to the left to make a sharp U-turn and get out of this path – but in seconds the car wasn't just turning left. It was diving across the bridge to the land below.
Or should it really be called a giant canal that was cutting across the area?
"AHH!" Homer screamed as the car dunked under the water, the insides of the vehicle filling up so fast that Homer began to panic.
He unbuckled his car seat, winding down the window as he tried to make a dash out of there.
But the car was pulling him under, and just as he escaped the vehicle, he still hadn't made it to the surface of the water... and in seconds his eyes began to dim as everything went black.
~x~
And then SIGHT again!
Homer took a huge gasp, jumping up and looking around as he saw he was in a wooded area. Around him were only trees.
And not just normal trees... these were palm and tropical plants and trees.
He touched his chest and arms quickly, making sure he was all there, before spotting THE DUFF bottle that was lying beside him and he picked it up, shaking it hard as he yelled.
"WHY YOU LITTLE!" He began to try and choke it before he burst into complete and utter despair as he wept, "Because of you I NEARLY DIED!"
He only cried some more as he placed it back down and looked around, trying to find someone to explain to him just what the heck happened and how he was here now on what seemed like a tropical island?
He got to his feet and put his hand to his mouth as he called out to the wilderness.
"Hello?! Is anyone there?!"
He swore he could hear laughing, and for a minute, he thought he was in a 'Wizard of Oz' movie.
He crooked his eyebrows up, walking slowly south to where he had woken up.
This was definitely the wild, he thought to himself... peering around slowly till he bumped into someone.
SOMEONE?! He glanced quickly at them.
The person was a tall black man, wearing a tribal outfit and Homer slowly, with fright, stepped away from him.
"Who are you?" Homer asked, afraid and the man only braced him with a big toothy smile, "What do you all want with me?"
"We come in peace!" The man just said back, before patting Homer on the stomach, and Homer only cocked an eyebrow up confused, "You have been well fed!"
"Er... yeah?" Homer responded, sounding more concerned now than confused.
"We found you on the ship that brought food and water..."
"Wait..." Homer said slowly... suddenly realising now where he was. Or more so, where he WASN'T!?
"WHERE AM I?!" He yelped, tossing himself around as he looked from left to right and the man only laughed some more as he placed his dark hand on Homer's shoulder and made the worried American look him in the eyes.
"You, my fat friend, are in Africa!"
"NOT AGAIN!" Homer only bellowed in tears and began to look from left to right, trying to find someone who could help him.
He ran through the trees, jumping and hopping away from any bug or animal that came near him.
He soon found himself outside that of a big village, and with hope, he ran into it, asking in desperation.
"Is there a phone here? Is there even ELECTRICITY here?!"
The women of the village only laughed at him, and Homer's heart was pounding in his chest. Soon, the man he had seen from the start came back over to him, handing him his beer bottle again.
"Keep this on you, beer here is good luck!"
"Good luck?! GOOD LUCK?!" Homer screamed, almost pulling out his hair... if he even could, he like literally had nothing on his head.
"Yes," The man said, nodding his head, and Homer only dropped to his knees as he yelled at the universe and God.
"WHY!?"
The women continued to giggle at this foreigner and his odd way, but Homer knew he had to get out of there.
He had to get home.
His family needed him, but most of all – HE NEEDED HIS FAMILY!
Little Lisa, Little Bart, Little Marge – and the rest of them.
"Oh, Marge..." He only wept, as tears ran down his face and he stood up firm and strong then as he knew now what actions to take.
"How do I get back to America?" He asked the whole village, and only the man he had met at his awakening told him what to do.
"Every two weeks a boat comes with food, water and supplies. You get on that boat, and you get to America."
"So I have to wait-?"
"Two weeks, yes."
"Oh!" Homer yelled in woe, before looking at the stick huts and small cottages, "So you don't even have internet?"
"My friend," The man reassured Homer, patting him on the shoulder as he said with a smile, "We don't even have running water!"
"Oh no..." Homer whimpered, feeling his belly rumble and closed his eyes in pain from it all, "Oh no..."
~x~
It took Homer a long time to accustom, if 'Accustoming' is what you'd call it.
He had to sleep in a wooden tent. He had to do his business in the outback. And the bed bugs?! He was covered in bites every morning.
"Oh! Why does my blood taste so good!" He lamented.
The only thing he had from home was the Duff bottle – the thing that had CAUSED THIS ALL!
But he promised himself. Once he got back to Marge and the kids, then he would crack that bottle open and drink it down as a reward, the reward being that he was back at home!
~x~
In two weeks time, he jumped up from his bed when he heard a loud honking from a ship up the river.
He pulled on his raggedy clothes, running with passion towards the ship as it came into the harbour.
As the big boat stopped, the fat yellow man waved his arms about drastically to catch the attention of the ship's crew.
"PLEASE, PLEASE!" Homer bellowed as the men lowered open their ship's large door and crates of food were rolled out, "Take me back HOME to the USA!"
"Wait-" One of the men said to him, looking at Homer, lost and confused, "You sound just like an American!"
"Because I am!" Homer screamed and tried to explain everything.
"Alright! Alright!" The man only answered him, getting tired of hearing this sob story, "We can give you a lift back, but this ship is only going as far as California."
"Thank YOU!" Homer wept in tears of joy, falling to his knees and kissing the man's feet – the man wearing shoes, "THANK YOU!"
"It's FINE!"
Homer quickly ran back to the villagers to say goodbye, and bumped into the man who had been there for him since coming here.
"So, you are off, am I right, fat American?"
"The names Homer," He replied, but only flung his arms around the man and hugged him as he said, "And thank you for everything!"
"No problem. You showed us good times, now, we party when you leave."
"Okay...?" Homer said, confused, before waving at the villagers as he left to get on the ship.
But what Homer didn't know was that THAT ship would not make it to California.
No... as when the ship crossed the Pacific Ocean, a giant storm brewed in the sky.
It tossed and turned the huge boat on its side, the men all getting in the lifeboats, waving to Homer to jump in but HOMER was too late!
He got pulled under by the waves, nearly losing consciousness altogether... but just before he closed his eyes to sleep forever, HE SAW IT!
The Duff bottle floating to the top of the waves and in anger Homer swam with fury after it.
He caught it with his hands and burst out from under the water as he yelled at the bottle.
"There's no way that YOU survive IF I DON'T SURVIVE"
As he said this, a big plank of wood came splashing by and Homer grabbed hold of it tightly, getting up and away from the deadly waters.
~x~
Soon, the exhausted yellow man found himself gaining consciousness again as he woke up on the sands of a beach.
Homer only stared up at the sky, the bottle being swept up next to him, and he only spoke the words he was able to form.
"Marge... I'm coming home."
He could only see her face in his mind... her kind smile, her sweet voice.
"I'm coming home..."
And in the days that came, Homer trudged across the whole USA, night and day, to be back with his family.
The weather had been bad, not just that, but been TERRIBLE.
Homer had NO money on him, no form of ID, but when he made it to the top of the Springfield mountains, he could see his house just in the distance.
HOME!
He was nearly HOME!
He walked in the torrential rain, carrying himself with as much strength that he could.
Soon he was on the street where his family lived...
Soon he was at the footpath that led to his house's front door.
Soon he was at the front door, and he took in a deep breath as he knocked on it.
And soon, in only seconds was the door opened, and there stood Marge, her eyes wide in shock and disbelief.
"Honey..." Homer said, as the rain howled behind him, "Honey... I'm home."